She was an old lady who traveled with her Frenchman in a plane in the sky and she had gone eighty-four days now without failing to stress about her luggage. In the first forty days her Frenchman had been annoyed with her. But after forty days the Frenchman had told her that the old lady was now definitely and finally fou, which is the worst form of emotional state to be in.  The Frenchman sad to see the old lady spend time each day with her luggage opened and closed; opened and closed. And he always suffered while he observed her obsession.

The old lady was not thin and gaunt, but she was with deep wrinkles in the front of her neck. She called this her “turkey neck” The brown blotch of the benevolent skin cancer the sun brings from its reflection on the tropic sea had been erased from her forehead some years ago by MOHS surgery. She had a scar. She also had a scar from a horrific bathroom accident. It occurred while cleaning the bathtub.. But none of these scars were fresh. They were as old as a well-worn pair of Bass Weejuns the old lady had since her high school days.

Everything about her was old except her crossed eyes and they were the same murky greenish-brown color as the dirty Atlantic Ocean and her Frenchman’s eyes were as blue as the Mediterranean Sea. Both sets of eyes were cheerful and undefeated….

Yes. While shoveling Bonaparte’s car out of the deep piled carpet that Snowmageddon left us, I thought about how I inspired Hemingway to write “The Old Man and The Sea”. Great minds think alike!

YOU may know him as “Papa” Hemingway. But in my delusional mind, he’s just Ernie!  He’s giving me “that look” again. Ernie. You are a little devil you!

I lied. I really didn’t inspire him.  My delusions and daydreams had me inspiring Ernest Hemingway.  But I got to thinking. And you know how in my world one thought randomly leads to another.  I started thinking about my travels throughout France, Ireland, Australia and domestic USA trips and my luggage woes!

I’m a very territorial old broad you know.  Maybe it’s because I grew up in a large family and it was every member of the wild pack of wolves, sibling for themselves. Yes. That’s it! I remember one of my sisters borrowing criminally stealing my clothing and lending them to her friends.  I want my shit with me!

I’m in front. Behind me, Theresa, Tommy, Germaine and Pete! We all look alike!

And if you read my post about the infamous luggage debacle from a few years back, you can understand just why I’m a bit OCD about my suitcase!   The Trouble With Travels

Anyway, I’m going to be leaving in a week to visit Oona in Arkansas. The kids gifted me at Christmas with a round trip ticket.  It’ll be a fun “Mommy and Me” visit –especially when we play the game “How Many Times Will We Argue and Make Up?” All kiddin’ aside, I’m looking forward to seeing my baby.

Looking foward to a fun visit with Oona! I hope I don’t run into any Duggars while in Arkansas. I just may start an ugly scene and do NOT want to embarass my daughter!

But. I AM stressing over packing.  It’s a Wednesday through Sunday trip and naturally everything will fit in my carry on. I am in love with my Longchamp weekender.  This bag can hold a house!

I LOVE this Longchamp weekender. I picked it up at CDG, just moments before we boarded the plane to return from Paris.  Do NOT dismiss airport shops. You can get the greatest deals. I paid 43 euros for this–which is a steal!!  Airport shopping is the greatest! You are welcome!

Here’s how I’m stuffing packing.

I have to throw in some underwear—but first I have to get up off my lazy ass and do some laundry in order to complete that task!

Hair products?  I have a travel sized Toppik to sprinkle on my bald spots.  I’ll bring my teasing comb and some hair ties. That’s it.  Oona has plenty of hairspray.  Besides, my hair looks so much better the dirtier it gets!

My little travel sized Toppik will last me for the time I’m in Arkansas!

Makeup and skin care:  That gets packed last and goes on top of everything. I place it in a plastic garbage bag to ensure against leakage. Kind of like a “Depends” for cosmetics!

My makeup bag will go in last..but I’ll put it in …

A large white plastic garbage bag to ensure against any leakage onto clothing.  The “Depends” of travel!

My journals will be in my oversized purse—as will be pens and colored pencils.

Thank goodness I organized my writing equipment. I’m NOT taking a direct flight so I’ll have loads of time to write!

My lounging/PJ/slob clothing always travels with me! Just in case I forget who I am, my NY Tee shirt!

The plush leggings from Primark that I picked up for Oona. She LOVES these!

An extra pair of MY Primark shaper leggings to suck my ripples and wrinkles inward!

My *cough* “Workout” ensemble.  Oona is taking me to her gym.  I haven’t worn this get up in over a year two years.

Workout clothing and lounging clothes will go in this little thingy. It makes for easier packing and gives the bottom of my carry on a bit more structure!

I’m bringing one pair of skinny jeans. I’m so happy that my size 8’s fit again!

One Old Navy Fitted White Tee.  I bought so many of these last summer (because they were on sale for four bucks each) that I still haven’t worn them all.  The size “S” fits like a glove. Downsize the Tee’s or they will be too loose and sloppy looking!

OK. See this outfit?  Primark Shaper Leggings, Boots and a nice tunic shirt I picked up at Nordstrom Rack. I was going to wear this on the plane. NOTE TO SELF: REMIND BONAPARTE TO POLISH MY BOOTS! But I had a change of plans. I’ll wear the leggings and the boots and I’ll pack the tunic shirt and wear it when we go out to dinner on Saturday night..but……

I’ll wear the black sweater on the plane and pack the Navy Sweater…

And I’ll wear my old-worn in, six-year old Tory Burch Reva flats until I get through the TSA, then I’ll put the boots on and put these in my carry on.  Makes sense?

I’ll also wrap this lightweight wool scarf from J. Crew around my neck. I don’t like to travel with heavy scarfs and this is the perfect weight!

Last but not least,  my navy J. Crew Schoolboy blazer. If the weather is somewhat warm in Arkansas, I don’t want to be traipsing around in a heavy coat!  Ugh. the blazer doesn’t look that great from the photo. It never ceases to amaze me how other bloggers seem to have professional photos. HTF can they afford it?

The best thing about this is that after I return home, the carry on will be left out and slowly—very slowly, I’ll be adding items for my summer trip to the Cote d’Azur. It should be easy. The apartment has a washing machine and we spend a lot of time at the beach so I don’t need much! If I lose enough weight, I’ll only need the bottom of my swimsuits anyway!

I have five more months to obsess! That Bonaparte is one lucky man!

I’m in the mood for more Michel Polnareff today:  La Poupee qui fait non!