Three days later, I’m still traumatized from the after effects of baking my face.  In fact, I’ve established a new medical term “BTSD” Baked Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Don’t judge. It isn’t the only disorder I’ve gone through.  I have a long list—OK?

Coming to terms with the thick paste of cosmetics bringing my deep ravine of wrinkles to the surface, it was difficult to focus on anything else but me. (Now that’s a real surprise-but then it’s always about me!)

Then, on Friday, I received a phone call. The call was from a sales assistant at Ulta Cosmetics.  She called to remind me about a makeover that I was scheduled to have. The makeover was to take place Saturday, yesterday, at noon.  Mally Beauty was having an event and Mally Roncal, the creator and makeup artist supreme, was going to be there in person.

This is the event I signed up for–and was so traumatized by overcooking my face, I almost didn’t show up!

Previous to my infamous face baking, I had signed up to be made over during this event.  Under normal circumstances, I despise in-store makeovers.  I’ve never, ever, walked away from one of those makeovers without looking like a circus clown, or an oxidized Jackie-O-Lantern version of myself, or being pressured into purchasing every piece of shit that was slopped onto my face.  In addition, the contracted makeup artists do not give a damn about what your beauty needs, concerns, or preferences are. They are there for a sale. Period. End of story.

Another reason for showing up is that I was gifted with this bag when I signed up to receive a makeover. I would feel bad after receiving this and not showing up.  This’ll make another great shopping tote!

In all honestly, I was going to brush this little makeover event off. And it wasn’t until the last minute that I decided to attend.  First of all, I needed to get out of the house.  Secondly, I am intrigued by Mally Roncal. I’ve seen her on QVC. Although I’ve never purchased any of her cosmetics, I’ve always enjoyed watching her.  She is just so goddam adorable and enthusiastic and passionate.  Her smile is irresistible and she just seems—well, she seems likeable and truly kind! 

I also figured that any makeover couldn’t possibly make me look as bad as baking did.

Ulta was a mob scene when I arrived. It was rock concert mobbed. And what I found of great interest was the age range of women.  There were many young girls there with their mothers. There were college girls and professional women.  But what I found incredibly encouraging was that there were women that were in their fifties and up to their seventies at the event.    I also noticed that the makeup artists were seemingly enjoying themselves and engaging with their customers. From the corner of my eye, I noticed one artist who was incredibly animated. He was smiling and laughing and was doing a damn good job on the woman he was making over.  I crossed my fingers and then crossed my eyes a bit more in hopes that I would get him to do my makeup.

When my name was called and I was escorted through the crowd, I was still hoping.  I couldn’t believe it. I was led to the artist I wished for.  Adrian introduced himself to me with a smile and we immediately clicked.  I explained to him that, in my efforts to have skin like my beauty icons, Pandora Boxx and Miss Richfield 1981, I baked my face.  I also explained that I was overdone and that any desert on earth was more hydrated than my face was.  I told him that I was going to be 61 years old next month and I felt that I looked more like 161 years old.

Adrian and I clicked when I told him my beauty icons were Miss Richfield 1981 and the beautiful Pandora Boxx, above. Like Pandy, I needed a little something something too!

Adrian was so kind!  He told me that I did not look 161 years old and he also told me that I should never bake and baking was not for an everyday look.  He proceeded to work some very cool magic on my face.

Adrian opted for a BB cream foundation for me and did so with a light hand and light brush.

He applied Mally’s Face Defender BB Cream Foundation in Light.  BTW, I’m adding the links to the products so you can click to get a better description. I want you to click because these products are GREAT for “mature” skin! *wink*!

He did my brows.  Now—I have to tell you, my brows are a bone of contention between Bonaparte and me.  I’ll admit, I have a tendency to get a bit heavy-handed but I’m trying to capture the essence of what my brows once were before menopause thinned them out in an unattractive way.  I use a black shadow or sometimes a gel to brush in a heavier brow look. It can come off as harsh, but I like to think it looks better than the “no brow” look.

Left, 24/7 Brow Express in Sable. I KNOW–it looks light but it is a true taupe. On the right is a gift with the purchase. A brow gel to set the pencil. 

The other end of the 24/7 Brow Express houses a brow powder to further fill the brows in. This is a great product. I’m glad I made the purchase. 

When Adrian handed me the mirror after doing my brows, I was shocked!  Seriously shocked.  The brows that looked back at me from the shiny metallic looking glass were not black, but a brownish taupe. Not orange/brown, but a true neutral.  My brows were not thick nor were they pencil thin. They were brows that even Goldilocks would have chosen. They were just right.  They looked beautiful!

Left. The eye that Adrian did.  See how natural the brow is?  He also applied from the Mally Nude Attitude Shadow Palette “Cafe Au Lait” as an all over color and Chestnut on my lids.  Right eye.  I duped this today. I need a bit more practice with the brow–I need a lighter hand but I kept it thinner than usual.  I used my Stila In The Know Palette’s “driftwood” shadow on my lid and Wet ‘n Wild’s “Brulee” as an all over color.  I’m sorry there is no link for the Stila palette but it is no longer sold.  I’m so angry at myself for not purchasing the Nude Attitude palette because it is sold out at Ulta. Dumb move on my part for not making the purchase! What do you think though? Did I do a decent job duplicating Adrian’s look?

Next he applied shadow on my lids just up to the crease.  He chose a dark but cool hued brown. I asked him why he chose that particular brown and he said that my eyes had flecks of green and the brown would work to bring out the green.  (He was correct, my eyes are Hazel).

See the green mixed in with the brown?  My eyes are true Hazel–but are a darker Hazel.

He smudged a bit of the color as liner on the bottom then went with black eyeliner which he smudged.  He applied a cream highlighter as well—both under my eyes and under the brows.

This under eye brightener certainly does have an appropriate name–Perfect Prep!  It may look like mustard, but it does a great job of brightening and getting rid of that blueish tint under the eyes!

He explained what he was doing as he applied each product and why he chose to do so.   He asked me what kind of lip color I preferred.  I told him that I usually went with a neutral but I wouldn’t mind a bright pink.

Left is Mally’s H3 Lipstick in Flush. It goes on a more bright but pretty pink. It glides on smoothly and has excellent lasting power.  On the right is the High Shine Liquid Lipstick in Must Have Pink.  It is nice and shiny and gives the lips a bit of a plumbing up. And that plumbing is just what 60+ lips need to look younger!

Adrian picked out the perfect pink lipstick and went over it with a shiny gloss. Just the way I like to apply lip color. Gloss over lipstick.  His last steps were taking a bit of the lipstick to use as blush, a bit more highlighter and he completed the job!

When he handed the mirror to me for final approval, I was so awestruck that I dropped it. Yeah. Thank God the mirror didn’t break—I’ve had enough bad luck to last a lifetime. OK?  But I just could not believe the me that was looking back at me!!  I wasn’t overcooked!  I was medium rare!!!!! The dewy layer of BB cream foundation was lighter than a regular liquid or stick foundation. The brows were perfect.  My face had a healthy pink glow and I looked hydrated! I swear I looked 20 years younger. OK maybe not 20 years but Adrian did manage to take a few years off my face with a light hand and age-friendly cosmetics.

Yo! Adrian!!!!  Didn’t he do a fantastic job???  I wish he could do my makeup all the time!  I’m so happy with the job he did. He’s such a sweetie pie!!!

I didn’t get to meet Mally but I did see her from afar with her mega-watt smile and very pretty floral dress. She looked like an ethereal sprite.  But I was fortunate because I had Adrian!!

It’s ok Mally! I’m not upset that you didn’t run over to me so we could tawk. I mean, we’re both born New Yorkers–but I realize you were way, way busy. And you look so adorable in real life. I wanted to run up to you and pinch you but I would have gotten arrested!

And when Adrian was done with me, he didn’t give me the hard sell. We discussed what I could use and I made a few purchases. The brow products, the lip products and the little pot of yellow highlighting concealer.

I don’t know if Mally Roncal is aware that her products are incredibly “old lady” “mature woman” friendly, but they, along with the fabulous Adrian, made this old lady extremely happy.  And when I arrived home, Bonaparte was in awe of my brows! Actually, he mentioned that my face looked beautiful!  So thank you, Adrian. Thank you for giving me my groove back. And thank you Mally, thank you for a cosmetics line that truly is mature woman friendly!

I tried to channel my inner Adrian as much as I could with my new products. The lips, eyes, and brows do look great. And I don’t look over cooked or over baked! LOOK!! I’M MEDIUM RARE!! Nice and Pink!

Speaking of baking, I noticed that I had a couple of packets of yeast that were coming close to the expiration date.  Too lazy to look up a recipe for a quick bread, I created my own. Here’s what I did:

I emptied the contents of the 2 yeast packages into a cup of hot water from the tap. I let them sit while I measured 4 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour into the bowl of my kitchen aid stand mixer.  I then added 2 Tablespoons of Kosher Salt to the flour and mixed these dry ingredients with my dough hook just to blend the salt with the flour.   I then added two cups of warm tap water to the flour and salt and turned the mixer on to low just to get the flour/salt moistened and then added the yeast in the one cup of water to the mix.  I turned the speed to medium high, set the timer for 7 minutes and sat down to a game of Soda Crush.

After 7 minutes were up, I turned the dough onto a floured surface, did a few kneads and turned the ends of the dough under. I placed the dough in a bowl that I thinly coated with grapeseed oil. I loosely placed plastic wrap over the bowl, covered with a kitchen towel and placed in a warm area of the kitchen (in this case it was the microwave) and let the dough rise for two hours.  After two hours, the dough rose quite a bit, I punched the dough down and set it in a corner for another hour to rise again.

The hour over, I turned the dough onto a floured surface, divided the dough into two parts.  With one part of the dough, I formed it into a rounded rectangle and cut three slits into the top.  I baked in a 375 oven for 50 minutes. The end result was a lightly crusted loaf with a nicely chewy inside.  I divided the other part into 6 separate parts and formed them into balls.  I placed them into a 375 oven for 30 minutes and had some nice dinner rolls.

My “I’m-Too-Lazy-To-Read-A-Recipe” dinner rolls. They turned out great!

A rustic loaf of bread from the same recipe–which also turned out great. I shall stick to THIS type of baking from now on!

That’s the kind of baking I’ll stick to from now on!  Beautiful me. Beautiful bread!  (Sorry for the hypocrisy but I went full-on gluten this weekend!)

Christina Aguilera “Beautiful”. A beautiful song written by the beautiful and talented Linda Perry. I thought this would be a great song because we are all beautiful! XOXOXOXOXO!