What do you think of that teaser title? It’s like all those internet spam and magazine ads telling you how great, pretty, young, and perfect you, too, can be past that certain age. And when you open the ad, the face of a twenty-something year old is looking back. Am I right??
I don’t know what’s worse–the fact that a twenty-something with no wrinkles or lines is the picture of perfection in this spam ad or the apparent endorsements from the media. What a crock!
Well-I’m gonna tell you how you can really bring that youthfulness back to your face. And it won’t cost an arm and a leg. Nor will it cost you your life savings. It may cost a bit of emotional health—buy hey, you’ll look years younger! And who doesn’t want that???
Like Ponce de Leon, I’ve discovered the Fountain of Youth, and you don’t even have to drink the kool-aid water! OK. Maybe you will want to drink a different kind of beverage later on, but in the meantime…
If only the Fountain of Youth gave us some wine, it would make us all very happy all the time!
This age-defying solution is………….
STRESS! Yes. Stress. Let me explain…
Yes! Stress! It CAN make you look younger……
Yesterday morning I woke up to a surprise. It wasn’t Chippy jumping on me with delight because I finally opened my eyes from an eight hour slumber filled with dreams that fed upon my hypochondria.
It also wasn’t the delightfully hot and flavorful coffee Bonaparte surprised me with in record time.
It was the surprise that greeted me as I entered the bathroom and saw my reflection.
Zits! A Whitehead. Ye ol’ Pimple of yesteryear!
Overnight I had regained that red, blotchy, pimply youthful glow. The illumination of the rosy and bumpy complexion was like going back to my high school years when I was 16!
Check out that blotchy red pimple and the whitehead above. I felt so young and nubile!
And it was all due to stress.
Simple stress—like being in Retail Hell for hours on end and actively taking part in the cut-throat bizness of commission.
Now THIS is what commission is like!
The stress of realizing that you have no medical insurance and you will soon have to visit the doctor for your skin check, Lady Parts tests and colonoscopy.
The stress of yet, three more job interviews within the next week that will be prepped for so carefully. And upon entering the judging table, you will be engaging, informative and will be incredibly diplomatic! And the positions will go to someone in their twenties or thirties. And if either corporation is progressive or liberal, someone in their early forties may snag that coveted job!
This would pretty much be me before, during and after a job interview. Incredibly stressful, but pulling on my face would iron the wrinkles!
Other fun examples of stress are..
Knowing that you are going on vacation next month and had at least six months to lose 15 pounds, tried to lose those pounds, got stressed about something else so you had partaken in the sport of stress eating….
Pass the chips, popcorn, cheese, chocolate, Fritos…basically anything except those nasty orange Circus Peanuts. I’ll stress eat!
Discovering, that just centimeters below the biggest blotch on your face were two hairs on your cheek that were almost long enough to warrant split ends. Had there been a third, I would have started a new trend in facial hair braiding! I mean—seriously, why did nobody not notice this and not tell me? I certainly don’t want to look like Ponce de Leon in the discovery of my fountain of youth!
Look to where the arrow is pointing. THAT was growing out of my face along with it’s twin. More cause for stress. Why can’t this grow on TOP of my head??????
The stress of having “a-certain-someone-confiscating-the-retail-credit-card-where-you-work-because-he-is-petrified-you-will-buy-a-ton-of-stuff”, and you happen to see great handbags and shoes on sale and you cannot make the purchase.
Isn’t this Rebecca Minkoff Regan tote adorbs? I’m banned and banished from shopping. Bonaparte the Emperor is making sure that purchases don’t become my Waterloo!
The ultimate stress of the camera on your iPhone being out of focus. I had to visit the Apple store because I thought my blogging had taken a disastrous turn since the camera wasn’t behaving for me. What about my narcissistic selfies? What about my blog photos? Surely they can’t be any more out-of-focus than they normally are?
Khloe Kardashian and I have soooooo much in common. But if her iPhone becomes out of focus, she can just get a new one. I’m poor. I can’t!
The Apple man simply cleaned the lens. It was dirty. I suffered the stress of shame knowing that the Apple man was laughing inside at my slobbiness!
Yes ladies! Stress works wonders to retain that youthful glow!
And this is a good thing. Because lately I find myself wondering..
…and those feelings come from stress!
Could my feet and legs possibly be sore from standing on my feet for 8 hours at a time—or could this possibly be the aging process??? I’m having a hard time realizing the later could be true.
Is that reflection really me??? Is it the horrific lighting—or could this possibly be the aging process??? Again, I’m inclined to believe that the second possibility could be true. So I really look….look…..look old?? (OMG-you asshole. You are old. Deal with it!)
Geez. I can’t even spell “NO” or “MY” correctly. See how stressed out I am? But look at my natural youthful beauty!!! So do the lashes make me look younger?
So you see, when we do wake up with a blotch or a pimple or two, or three—let’s look at it in a positive way. It’s a return to our youth.
And for that one fleeting moment, wrinkles, lines, aches and pains aside, we can be that pimply teenager. The one who thought, at that very time, the breakout was the worst thing that could have happened to us!
But the most important thing is. Let’s get rid of unwanted stress! A hair on the cheek or chin can be removed with a pair of tweezers.
Pimples will eventually go away. In the meantime, they can be hidden with makeup!
Look! Zits hidden. Hair plucked. iPhone camera fixed! It’s gonna be a good day!
An out-of-focus camera just adds to smoke and mirrors. And the camera can be fixed!
I am making an effort to be less stressed. How about you?
Today, I’m giving you another song sung by the great Bobby Darin. “Artificial Flowers” . Listen to the lyrics. Talk about stressed!
I have a secret for treating acne (at least the cystic kind I get on my chin): Vick’s Vapo-Rub! Yep. At the first sign of trouble I slather some on and leave it (at least overnight, but if I’m at home all day I’ll treat it periodically throughout the day) and it greatly reduces the cysts and prevents them from getting too big, too red, and too painful. 🙂 Not sure this works for your garden-variety pimple, but hey, it’s worth a shot.
Hi Marey! Wow! I’ve got Vapo-Rub in our medicine cabinet (who doesn’t??) and am going to try that! My mother used to make us swallow that stuff when we had bad colds. If it’s good enough for my innards–I’m sure it’ll work on my outside! Thanks!! XOXOXOXO!
WHAT? Swallow it?! I have never heard of such a thing. Have I been using it wrong all these years? My mom used to rub it on our chests.
Lol. Mommy was an extremist! I guess she felt why rub it in when the kids can just swallow it?????????? XOXOXO!!
I had to have a head shot done at work – I thought I looked decent ,ok – I was horrified at the old lady photos that were sent. How did this happen????? The magic hair on the face the receding hairline holy hairdo….. How did this happen???
Hi Jane! Right???????!!!! In our delusions, we are still in our twenties. Until we face the reality!!! Just HOW did this happen???????????? XOXOXOXO!!!
Stress will definitely do it! I had my fill of acne as a teenager and was so pleased when it looked like I’d eventually seen the last of it, but in fact it still get the occasional spot every now and again if I’m tired and stressed. Incidentally, I had a good chortle at your not-at-all photoshopped snap of your natural look! Funny! 🙂
LOL–Bun. I’m glad you got a kick out of my photoshopped “natural” look. That was a snark toward all the fashun and bee-u-tee bloggers who photoshop thighs, arms, and faces to kingdom come! I’m stressed now. I have to get dressed for work. Ugh!! XOXOXOXO!!!
It was a good way to make a joke at the fashion industry and beauty bloggers tendency to photoshop everything. The amount of it that goes on in fashion magazines is sometimes hilarious, particularly when the “before” picture is also available for comparison. Suddenly it becomes obvious that a normal shaped model has been given a waist about the same size as the neck of a Coke bottle and legs that are about 11 feet long. 🙂
Bun. You speak the truth. It’s amazing at how dishonestsome beauty and fashion bloggers are. It is even more dishonest at how the beauty and fashion industry is as well. No wonder women of all ages have eating disorders. It pisses me off. When Oona was in middle-through-high school, I forbade ANY fashion magazine to be brought into our home. I refused to allow my daughter to be influenced into thinking she had to be a friggin’ tampon with a head in size. She was very athletic due to her Irish Dancing and field hockey and her legs were muscular. I’d be damned if I would have my baby girl thinking her legs were too muscular to be fashionable. Oh. I seethe with anger at photoshop!! XOXOXOXO!!!
I remember hearing someone making the point — a comedian, I think — that girls read women’s magazines and think they have to look like the glossy pictures they see of Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron. Of course, the reality is that even Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron don’t look like the glossy pictures of Scarlett Johansson and Charlize Theron. 🙂
LOL – Catherine you always make me laugh – your posts – they make me smile! Stress, what can I say, it causes all kinds of bad things to occur! I still occasionally get a zit, and it freaks me out! Have a happy day my friend! 🙂
Hi Terry! I’m glad to make you laugh and smile. It makes me feel good to know that my stress is a pleasantry to you! LOL. I love you so much! XOXOXOXOXO!!!
Catherine, I think you will single-handedly bring back the white lipstick look with that selfie! HAHAHA!!! We should all de-stress. I used to shop to do that, but like you, I’m on a sabbatical at the moment. I have to watch the finances. Guess that means you’ll never see ME in More Magazine! 😉
Haven’t we all had that moment where we discover a—forget hair, I call it a whisker!—on our chin or cheek that is so long, we are at a total loss as to how we missed it during the entire growth process! You then think back to all the times you were talking to someone and wonder if they saw it and were just too embarrassed to tell you. I haven’t had any pimples recently, but I do have a few of those “milia”, the hard whitish bumps that are filled with dead skin cells and sebum. Ah, getting ripe and juicy isn’t easy!
I don’t want to break the bad news, but they no longer allow you to drink the water from the actual Fountain of Youth (it’s polluted or something). It’s been a while since I’ve been up to Saint Augustine, but the last time, they gave you already poured cups of water to drink. We were probably drinking city tap water! Hey! No WONDER it hasn’t worked for me! HAHA!! Good luck with the interviews! Go knock their socks off! XOXOXO!! Terri Lee
LOL. Terri. It’s so true about those lady whiskers. But I swear, these two hairs were way bigger than that!!! Ugh. I can just imagine what kind of liquids are now in the fountain of youth in St. Augustine. I won’t even mention what I’m thinking! XOXOXO!!!
I LOVE your honesty!!!
Thanks June! I’m glad that you appreciate an honest broad’s view! XOXOXOXO!!!
I love your posts, you are brilliant, I still get the odd spot. Actually spot is a total misnomer, my head is the spot compared to the eruption. As for facial hair – I have three chin whiskers on one side and one on the other, for reasons I don’t want to divulge in a public forum (ahem, certain boss person at work) I call them Brian and the Brianettes… I thought that was bad but the other day while pondering if and when a moustache will ever become fashionable on a woman, I discovered I had a moustache whisker of such ginormous proportions I can only call it a tusk. Grim.
Juliet! I almost spit out my wine laughing on your whisker called a tusk. I’m stealing that line from you. Just so you know! But yeah. Just HOW do those hairs grow to ..like..four inches overnight?? Why can’t the hair on our heads grow that fast? Damn. It is just so difficult to be the quintessence of pulchritude! XOXOXOXOXO!!!
Catherine, you are such a laugh, I wish you could get a job that somehow uses your ability with words. But everything you say is so true to life. I discovered a whisker a couple of weeks ago – jeez how had that grown without me noticing!!!!! So off I rushed to have it electrocuted (electrolysissssed) out – phew! And I still get the occasional spot – stress, is not good. Do hope you get a better job – because to this Brit here not being paid for what you do sounds like exploitation to me! I mean commission should be your extra not your main money. Very best of luck with the job interviews 🙂
xxxxxxx
Penny–thanks so much for being a “Whisker Sister”!! LOL. Seriously, I would have no problem with someone saying “Hey. Cathe. Get the tweezers out–NOW”, instead of looking in the mirror and wonder just HOW did that long hair pop up overnight or how did it grow THAT long without my noticing! Stress. It isn’t good but we all have it..and oh dear god, I would LOVE to have a job where I could use my ability with words….and straight commission IS stressful because one never knows just what their paycheck will be. I’m the person who likes a bit more routine to my salary–like knowing what I’m being paid on a regular basis….Yikes! I’m stressing! Well, it’s a rainy Saturday and in a while I’ll be off to market so that Bonaparte and I can enjoy a nice day and evening together! Thanks for the good luck. I’m putting it in my pocket! XOXOXOXOXO!!!
I got my hair cut the other day and suddenly Sandy came at me with a pair of tweezers and I thought oh crap! She started pulling them damn things out of my chin. I felt like beatin’ Drollery up when I got home, but he SWORE he never notices them because my hair is so light. Don’t know whether to believe him or not!
Catherine. Some years ago I worked in an office and two of the women and I would greet each other by going into the “file” room because of the great lighting. We would actually pluck each other’s chins for unsightly hairs. It was a riot!
I swear it is “menopause” because it turns your chin into that of a man’s. XOXOXOXO!!!
I’m 45 and it’s horrid to get pimples under my chin. I have to realize that aging is natural and btw you look wonderful I hope I age that beautifully. thank you for sharing.
Hi Roof! Right?? I sucks getting those zits!! But it’s all part of the ageing process! Thank you for your compliment, though. Now THAT made my day! XOXOXOXO!
I loved the “natural” photo! Although, in all seriousness, you are really beautiful!
Awww. Thanks so much Felicia *blushing*. Thank you so much for the compliment! I appreciate that!! XOXOXOXO!!!
You are very welcome!