With a day off yesterday from Retail Hell, and having to work the dreaded closing shift for the next three days, there is little time left for me to focus on the remainder of packing for our trip to France.

The return to where Bonaparte spent his summers as a child. The return to where I did NOT spend my summers as a child!

Being the high-maintenance old hag that I am, I’ll have a couple of days early next week to get a spray tan.

Yes. I listen to St. Teresa. My pasty white skin needs a bit of darkening!

Don’t judge—I’m pasty white and don’t want the good citizens of the Mediterranean to think I’m some kind of whitefish as I swim.  I don’t need to be fished out of the sea by net or hook. I need to blend.

Like a flounder blends in with the sand, I need that spray tan to blend with the people of the Mediterranean!

Bonaparte is stressing out because my hands are in horrific shape. I peeled my acrylics off and what’s left is a mess of paper thin, peeling nails that are breaking off by the seconds.  It looks pretty disgusting. My nails need to be done.  I also need a pedicure.

My nails are horrific. Oops! There goes MY commission for the next few days. These talons will scare the customers away!

Oh. And I need to visit Adam to have my roots colored and my hair blown out.

Oops! Almost forgot. I need to have my lip waxed. I think I’ll get a chin job done too. I don’t want to spend hours looking for stray lady whiskers every morning!  I  really need to see a barber for a shave.

I will safely state that tweezers are THE most accessory I will be packing! Not for my brows but for my ladywhiskers!

Yet, somehow I’ve managed to pack nearly three weeks of clothing into my Longchamp weekender.  I swear to goddess, this oversized Longchamp bag is the best bargain I’ve ever purchased. And to think it only cost me the equivalent of $50USD at the duty-free Longchamp shop at CDG. I picked it up last summer–just moments before boarding our flight home.

And there is still room to add more. I LOVE this bag!

You never know where the next great bargain will await….

And now, I wanna talk about the other stuff that needs to be packed. Accessories.

Here’s the thing—I’m not much of an accessories girl to begin with. Although I have a shitload of costume jewelry that is sitting on a shelf in a closet that I hardly ever wear, I can’t bring myself to unload it.  I keep going back to the one oversized faux pearl necklace from J. Crew. Go figure.

I hardly wear any of this stuff except for the oversized fake pearl necklace to the far left. See the little Donald Duck figure in the photo on the right?  Jake bought that for me at Disney World when he was six years old. He wanted to surprise me with a thank you gift for taking him there! That is ONE item I will never, ever get rid of. I’m a sentimental old fool!

And I have the good stuff that Bonaparte has given me.  But I’m not traveling with the “good stuff”.  Worrying about jewelry and watches and the like does not a fun and productive travel holiday or vacation for me make.  I want to chill.

Maybe it’s because I’m older—I simply cannot be bothered carrying all that stuff (exception being cosmetics) around anymore.  Besides, as long as my hair looks good and my eyes don’t look so crossed on any given day—I’m fine!

Fashion, as well as travel magazines, love to tell you what you must bring when going away.

A few pages taken from the latest issue of ‘In Style” magazine that I received the other day.  Um. No! I’m NOT bringing an Hermes handbag to the beach. WTF???  Take a look at the price points of some of the items pictured.  It is absolutely ridiculous. The average person cannot afford most of this on the underpaid average salary! Get real–Editors need to know who their REAL demographics are and not the delusional demographic!

Editors love to write about brand name luxury jewels and accessories. And photographers capture this essence of a jet set existence with pictures of expensive items that bring our lemmings out in full force.

Uh unh. Me no can afford Rolex watch. Even if I could, it would NOT be packed for a vacation.  I would bring Roger Federer along though. He’s the Rolex of cute tennis players! I could “watch” him all day long!

Stop!  If you are going to bring the small stuff, you don’t have to spend a fortune!

Don’t Excessorize. Accessorize!

And do it inexpensively.   This way you’ll have more money to spend on the good stuff like shoes and bags!

As far as accessories go, I’m packing three  scarfs—and I know I’ll probably only wear one.  Two will be able to be mix and matched with most outfits and one will go with the solids.

These three scarfs are great for summer because they are incredibly light. The paisley and dotted ones are from Jacrew–last year or the year before. The stripes from Old Navy that I picked up a few months back. 

Jewelry?  My oversized hoop earrings that were purchased on a card full of various sized hoops at Walmart a few years back have seen better bling days. The rest of the hoop earrings are in fine shape but when I’m on a beach vacation, I want those big mothers.  I picked up faux gold and faux silver oversized hoops at Walmart for $2.88 per pair. That’s all I need. Those cheapies will take me from beach to pool to sightseeing to dinner.

Walmart specials. Who will be able to tell that these are inexpensive? Believe me, nobody will get that close to me to tell!  And–they are hypo-allergenic! What a treat!

The woman who can accessorize with abandon while away is one I admire but I ‘m too lazy!

I’ll just stick to packing an excess of striped shirts. Bonaparte’s dad is my newest fashion icon! I love his striped bag!

My good watch?  It’ll be locked up and secured while travelling. Instead, I’ll wear a seven dollar number that I also picked up at Walmart.  From a distance, nobody will be able to tell that it’s an inexpensive timepiece. As long as it tells me what the time is, I’m fine. If it gets lost or if I accidentally swim with it—I won’t freak out!

It may have a one-year Warranty but all I care about is that this tells me the correct time for three weeks.  I would have preferred to find one without the fake  gold, but for the price point–I’ll take this!

When I was younger, I didn’t bother to wear a hat to the beach or out and about in the sun. Then I got skin cancer on my face. And a hat is a must.  But I’m not going to spend a lot of money.  My dermatologist suggested a wide-brimmed hat rather than a baseball cap for added protection.  A lighter weight hat is great because my head won’t sweat—and who needs hat hair??  I also like a hat that’ll pack away easily.

Another Walmart purchase was this hat for less than four dollars.  It serves the purpose. It’ll keep the sun out of my face and look chic at the same time.

A grand total of $3.72 for this hat that’ll serve the purpose of throwing me some shade (not THAT kind–I’m talkin’ about the shade that protects from the sun!)

I’ll wear the Kate Spade reading sunnies that were purchased last year at Nordstrom Rack for $19.99 while reading at the beach. For wandering around, the less-than-stellar sun glasses from Amazon will suffice.

So do I look really look like a Walmart doyenne? Or do I look Riviera chic?  

Ohhhh..maybe I’ll run into Joan Collins in St. Tropez and she will think I’m her twin–I mean her younger cousin!

Two belts, one thin navy belt and one wider brown belt will be packed.

Two belts. That’s all. Both are old. I think the navy one is so old that it turned black. It must be about 15 years old! Maybe it IS black!

As far as toiletries are concerned, I’m packing deodorant, toothpaste, a toothbrush, a few skin care items and that’s about it. (Actually, I lie. I didn’t even begin to start with the toiletries, skin care products or cosmetics yet!)  Anything else, including sunscreen, will be purchased when we do our grocery shopping at Geant. (My favorite store!)

Who knew shopping could be so much fun???? I love Geant hypermarche!

The heat can get pretty intense on the Cote d’Azur. Walking around half the day is cause for melting makeup.  I’m not bringing foundation or concealer.

No matter how much sunscreen I put on my face, I’ll still get a healthy color and my freckles will pop up. That’s cool.

I’ll pack my eyebrow pencil and one neutral shadow palette.  Mascara. Liquid and pencil eyeliner.  Chapstick. NARS Multiple in “Riviera” (I like a cream blush).

iT Cosmetics Vitality Lip Flush and Lip Gloss Stain. And more Chapstick! I’ll bring a bronzer too—just to even out my skin tone as it gets a bit darker!

Among the cosmetics I’ll pack are a neutral eyeshadow palette (Thank you Emily Rose  for introducing me to Revolution cosmetics. I found the palette at Ulta!), Mally eyebrow pencil and iT lip products!

That’s it.

Oh wait. That’s not it. I’m such a liar! I still have hair stuff, more cosmetics and footwear to pack….

Forgive me as I pull a Scarlett O’Hara and think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day and I have to get ready for work now!

Yeah. I’ll think about the rest of my stuff to be packed tomorrow! Note the lack of accessories on good ol’ Scarlett!

No music today. I’m having WP issues…..Again! XOXOXOXO!!!