I know. I’m late to the party. But the sad truth is, I’ve been sick since Sunday evening with the worst stomach bug of all time. Ugh. I only got to watch some of the Grammy’s because I was in the bathroom most of the night.
The only thing getting cuddled in Chateau Bonaparte was my stomach and the ceramic throne in the bathroom!
Honestly, it felt so good to kneel on the tiled floor and hug the cold ceramic of my toilet bowl when I wasn’t sitting on it. That outta give you an idea of how I spent the past couple of days!
Anyway, I just got back from the doctor. Bonaparte literally forced me to go. I think it was because he was tired of hearing me moan “Ohhhhhh. My stomach. I hope this isn’t serious!”
I mean that literally and figuratively!
Honest to God. The thought of eating is making me more ill than I am, but the good doctor gave me a prescription to ward off the nausea so that I could keep something in my gut. And the only food item I want right now is Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup. It’s been my “sick” comfort food since I was a child.
I’m eating this as I write..
I’m getting off track here.
This is about Grammy. And not my Grammy.
My real-life Grammy. In her wedding dress. Beyonce could have worn my grandmother’s wedding headpiece and would have looked much better!
It’s about the Grammy Awards, which, in my opinion, could very well be the reason I was so sick!
Ugh. I believe that watching E!’s “On the Red Carpet” made me ill from the get go. Kriss Jenner and that dumb butch hairdo of hers! And that dress–it is absolutely awful! Why does Ryan Seacrest insist on having this doyenne of bad taste hosting a red carpet event? Brad Goreski–I’m appalled that you would wear such a hideous jacket. And Kristin Cavallari–one false move and your girls are going to escape big time!
OK—so the music industry has a bit more creativity than, say the film or TV industries. And I guess that’s why people who attend feel as though they have to dress a bit more eccentric or differently.
I get that. I really do. But there is a fine line between dressing differently or more creatively and coming off as looking downright silly. It’s about fit. It’s about what looks good or even great on you.
So, let’s just take a look at some of the fashions I happened to see when I wasn’t in the bathroom!
I had just exited the bathroom and Bonaparte was cleaning my glasses when Beyonce was doing her number. I swear from far away I thought I was watching a Novena to the Blessed Mother. I knelt down before the TV and started chanting “Oh Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee”. Then Bonaparte gave me my glasses and I realized Queen Bee just wanted to look like the old-school Christmas tree toppers we had when we were kids!
Who wore it best? Why the cute little pug on the right! And speaking of JLo…
…she needs to come up with a new signature pose. I’m sick and tired of that dopey “come hither” look her face makes in every single pose. And you may want to change it up from the Angelina Jolie pose. I swear JLo will be a wrinkly 80 year old with lips that sag down to her chest and she’ll still pose with that dopey face!
Shoes notwithstanding, Heidi Klum gets my vote for best dressed. Had two inches been added to the hem, and had she worn silver pointy-toed stilettos with toe cleavage, this would be my favorite red carpet look of all time! I love the simple cut of the dress and I LOVE the length of the sleeves.Her earrings and makeup! She rocked it!
Laverne Cox almost got it right! The dress is a weird length. It should have been shorter. Just at the knees. She has great legs! And the cut-out sides give the dress a very rocker type vibe while still maintaining fashionable taste! Her eye makeup is great too! I love Laverne!
I was born in 1955. In the early to mid-1960’s we practically lived on these Funny Face drinks. That’s probably one of the reasons I lost most of my hair. Anyway, all I could think of when I saw Taraji P. Henson in that getup was Goofy Grape! Henson is cute as a button and she could have gone with something a little edgy without looking ridiculous. The dress doesn’t even fit! The fabric looks sloppy. When will these celebrities ever learn?
Rihanna. RiRi. You are one of the most beautiful women in the world. You can wear just about anything. So then, can you explain just why you put on something that wore YOU? I’ll admit, the black and orange put me in a very sentimental mood for those wax whistles that we used to get at Halloweeen time! That skirt looks like the umbrella you sang about!
I actually loved the simple and streamlined cut of the suit that Chance the Rapper wore. But–did your mother ever tell you it was not proper to wear a hat indoors? Well, I’m telling you now. Get rid of the hat when you are inside a building!!!
I have no idea who this young woman is. But she has my vote as one of the Grammy Best Dressed! Her gown is fresh and youthful and the color is gorgeous on her. In fact, if she was cross-eyed, she would remind me of a young ME! I can’t get enough of this dress! The dropped waist is so flattering! And she’s a bit modest on top without looking fundie! Most of the celebrities at the Grammy’s could take a lesson from her! Absolutely perfect!
Why did Beyonce and Jay Z take their daughter to the Grammy Awards! I KNOW! I KNOW! They didn’t want Solange to be their plus-one at the after parties so by bringing Blue Ivy, they had a great excuse for Solange to babysit! Poor Blue Ivy! Mommy and Daddy should have dressed you in a blue suit..that pink looks like Pepto Bismol! Props to Mr. Carter for the way he looks so lovingly at his daughter! It’s so sweet!
…speaking of Solange…she looked like….
The Golden Ticket from Willie Wonka!
Carrie Underwood needs a new stylist. NOW! It was bad enough she looked like chewed up bubble gum at the Golden Globes, but now she has a dress that not only looks like a newly used tampon, it is an old lady bar mitzvah dress. I don’t even think Joan Rivers would have worn it…
This is red done right! Faith Hill nailed another “Best Dressed”. It is a beautiful shade of red. The lines are simple and even with the little cut out, it was discreet. And the shoes! Oh God–I can’t even! I WANT those shoes! Well done Ms. Hill!
She may be “zuh gret-ess singuhr” but Ms. Dion is far from the greatest dresser. She’s only 48. She’s young. She looks older than me–and I’m old! She needs to wear her hair down and layered to soften her angular structure. The dress. It’s too low-cut for a flat-chested woman. What is WITH these low cut dresses anyway? And while I’m at it–what’s with the ankle strap shoes. Faith Hill is the only one to rock those ankle straps..Celine Dion looks more like a…
…glittery St. Patrick’s Day hat! Save that shade o’ green for March 17th!
I love Adele. And this pea-soup green frock did nothing to enhance her beautiful curves. That waistband makes her titties look supersized and saggy. She needs a princess cut. Slightly fitted. She needs boning in the chest area to hold those ta-ta’s up. The dress is too long–it looks sloppy. Adele was meant for black dresses. She needs a simple dress because that voice of her’s is what draws attention! I”m glad she swept the Grammys!
Chrissy Teigen. No. This isn’t working. SHE is someone who needs to show a bit more skin! But not the way this dress shows it. She looks like an extra from a vampire movie! I’m kind of surprised because she usually gets it right. Her makeup looks horrible too. What happened Chrissy? You better look more like your fashionable self at the Oscars!
I’m guessing Cee Lo was channeling his inner Pussy Galore from Goldfinger. And this one in the middle. Wearing 45’s slogan? WTF? THAT was what really made me sick. Who is this Girl Crush on the far right? That dress! How the hell did she sit down or go to the bathroom? Well, I can honestly say she has more balls than Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan!
What’s with the unbottoned shirt? What’s with the ill-fitting pj bottoms? What’s with the awful sleeves? I think this one was trying to channel her inner…
…..Sick Pense look! Same color of blue. Same lousy fit!
I need to say something about this Tom Ford dress that Katy Perry wore. I KNOW this dress did not get a lot of love. However, if you want to be edgy and different without looking clownish, THIS is the way to do it. Naturally, I have a bit of commentary on this dress. *Sigh* sometimes I wish gay designers would be more in touch with their feminine sides. Why? I’ll show you…
Katy Perry has the best set of Ta-ta’s on earth. In fact, if I ever hit it big in the lottery, I’m taking a photo of her in a low-cut dress to a plastic surgeon. I’m going to tell him that I want HER ta-tas! They are spectacular and they are real! Anyway, back to the dress. I would give her a ballet scooped neckline so that her cleavage would be a focal point. Then I would cut the sleeves to a long short sleeve. Tom–are you listening? Thank you! Might I also add, Katy Perry ALWAYS has THE best made-up face! Her makeup is never less than perfect!
This is NOT good cleavage. At all. Lady Gaga looks like she wore the wrong sized bra and reached up to a top shelf to grab something. Girls–hasn’t that happened to you? You know. You reach for something and your bra rides up in the front? Even for Lady Gaga who can basically get away with anything outrageous, the bottom tit look is just ugly!
Katy Perry sure knows how to show bosom! They are the envy of us all! Even though this suit DID remind me of piano keys!
That’s about it. I ended up falling asleep because I was so violently ill. I couldn’t even make it out of bed yesterday to write this so I know I’m getting much better!
Did you watch the Grammy Awards? Did you have a favorite look? Did you have a look that you thought was just awful. Tell me!!
And…. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!
One of my favorite songs about love. John Mayer with Katy Perry “Who You Love”. (I hope they get back together!!!)