Be that as it may, as much as I try to plan ahead for a stress-free Holiday Season, stress always raises its ugly little head when we go to get the tree. Every year, something happens. Trees fall down in the house. Trees dry out too quickly. The tree doesn’t fit through the door. The tree is messing up the carpet. It’s never an easy task.
One year, while doing a “chop your own tree”, I fell into a patch of thorny brambles, ripped my clothing and bled for two hours.
Trust me. I LOVE Christmas and everything the Holiday Season brings….with the exception of getting the tree.
This year was no different! With an unexpected break in his work day, Bonaparte arrived home and announced that it was a good time to get the tree before resuming with his clients.
Dressed or (S)dressed to get the tree. That smile didn’t last that long….
Dressed for tree success, we drove off to Home Depot—the point of sale for trees of Christmas past. Naturally, I headed for the Fraser Firs. Bonaparte knew better than to suggest anything else. There is a reason that I’m so in love with this particular type of tree. The branches are strong to carry the weight of the heavier ornaments and the needles aren’t as quick to fall.
I have to admit, going to get the tree in the middle of the week was actually better than on the weekend! We were the only ones getting a tree!
We have to be careful not too get too wide of a tree because we keep it in a corner of the living room. And I don’t want Chippy to get any ideas that the tree is his private latrine. We also didn’t want a tree that was too small; we have high ceilings and a too-small tree would look out of proportion.
A lovely tree, but too wide for the corner..
This one was nice, but was too short! See how well-prepared Bonaparte is? He has his tree gloves on!
It had to be just right.
Bonaparte, my Christmas angel, found a tree that looked great but I still wasn’t too sure. So, we searched a bit more and ultimately ended up with that I wasn’t sure about!
Look! My Christmas Angel found the best tree. I thought it might not have been wide enough but it did work out!
Into the car and off to your new home!
The corner where we place the tree was ready. The plastic to protect the (ugh) carpeting, the tree stand in place, the sofa moved so that the tree could be transported into its resting place. Everything was prepared.
We placed the plastic disposable bag-as-tree skirt under the tree stand and proceeded to move on with the tree.
And then it happened.
As Bonaparte was pumping the pedal on the tree stand, a piece of plastic went flying across the room faster than the Concorde on its maiden flight. The tree stand broke.
Yes. After over ten years, the effing tree stand broke!
I WAS READY TO THROW THE TREE OUT AND GO BUY A FAKE ONE!!!
I was seething. The drama has begun!
Now. Before I go further with this story, let me explain about our tree stand. This stand was purchased over ten years ago. It was the first Christmas Bonaparte and I were living together. We purchased this incredible tree stand at the now defunct Waterloo Gardens in Wayne, PA.
Waterloo Gardens–now more akin to Grey Gardens (Remember my post about Edie Beale and Grey Gardens?)–this was the only place to purchase that damned tree stand!
This state-of-the-art tree stand was operated by a foot pedal. No need to get down on all fours or body crawl on the floor to adjust those long screws into the trunk of the tree. All that was needed was a few quick pumps of the foot and voila—no mess, no stress, no cursing!
Obviously this tree GENIE was nowhere near the genie that Aladdin was buddies with. This genie can’t even muster up an appearance let alone any wishes!
Whether age, who knows how long these stands are meant to last, or whether from Bonaparte’s masculine strength, was the culprit that broke the stand, I could feel stressful drama rising from my feet up to my head. This. Was. A. Disaster.
It was starting. My stress-free Holiday Season was to be no more.
I couldn’t leave the house because I didn’t trust Chippy alone with this free-standing wonder of nature. If I can recall, I started speaking, screaming, yelling like a crazy woman that we should have gotten a fake tree to match my fake hair and my fake nails. (speaking of which, I really need to get a fake tan).
No way was I going to allow Chippy alone with THIS!! God knows what waste I would have come home to!
Ever the pragmatic one, Bonaparte asked me to go online to see if any stores within a decent distance carried the Krinner Tree Genie. Yes. This tree stand is so magnificent that it warranted an extensive search.
The only information I could gather was that we would have great luck to order online. But even Amazon’s quickness wouldn’t be of any help—we needed that tree stand and needed it now! Eventually, I found the company’s website, Krinner USA.
Well, let me tell you something. This company was founded by a gentleman from Lower Bavaria and if I were so wealthy that money was no object, I would have flown over to Germany to purchase one of those stands because there are none to be found in my neck of the woods. When Waterloo Gardens left, so did those tree stands!
Klaus Krinner, creator of this tree stand and owner of Krinner company. He’s no relation to Santa, Klaus if he was, I would have a brand-spanking new one of these and would have had it today!
I ended up calling the contact in the States. Now—it is advertised that ACE Hardware and True-Value Hardware stores carry this Krinner tree stand. OK? So, I get on the phone with the lovely Helen and explain my situation—because I needed to give her every last detail. I asked if there were any stores in the Philadelphia area that carried the Krinner stand.
She asked me if I was near Pittsburgh. This conversation was going nowhere. I had a sixth sense. What transpired was her telling me to call the Ace and True-Value hardware stores in my area. WTF kind of company is this anyway? Would Mr. Krinner be happy about this customer service?
Without writing a novel about this, we were unable to find this much-coveted tree stand.
We went back to Home Depot and took Chippy with us.
And we ended up going with a heavy-duty, old-school, get-down-on-the-floor-and-screw-the-sucker-in tree stand.
Santa’s Last Stand. You got THAT right! This is the last tree stand we should be buying. This one better last! No pedal. Not plastic. Old school steel painted enamel
Our tree is now standing beautifully straight and I’m waiting for the branches to fall so that tomorrow I can start decorating. We need more lights so I’ll head to Walmart as soon as it opens. And then I’ll be able to sit back and admire our tree!
This tree stand is looking mighty sturdy..
The white plastic over-sized bag will be so helpful in dismantling and taking out to the trash!
I was able to hide it underneath the tree skirt I ironed yesterday!
It fits perfectly in that little corner!
….and as the branches fall downward overnight, I’ll be able to start decorating it tomorrow with lights and ornaments and maybe garland–I’m not sure yet…
Which ornaments will make it on the tree this year? I’ll post pics when done!
For now, I’m baking a few batches of biscottis. The kids, especially Oona, look forward to these little treats every Christmas. Then I’m going to fake tan my legs!
Biscotti cooling off before going back into the oven for that second bake!
Another sweet and funny look at the Christmas Tree. I swear I never get tired of this video and every year I keep laughing! John Roberts “The Tree”!
Your post was hilarious! I laughed the whole way through! Good job!
Hi Rose!! GLad you enjoyed!! My aim is to make you laugh!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
Oooooo I can imagine the wonderful smell!
The biscotti looks amazing and your ornaments are beautiful cannot eait to see them on the tree!
My mother always added a small spoonful of sugar to our tree but it lasted longer I think she did sone chanting in Italian not sure!
Have a great nite!
Hi Debe. My mother did the exact same thing with the Christmas tree–added sugar to the water. B. purchased some tree stuff. The tree is now lit–I’ll be posting pics later this weekend. For now..I’m enjoying the scent!XOXOXOXO!!!
THE NEW STAND IS WHAT THE ITALIAN HAS HAD NOW FOR TWO YEARS!!!!!!
IT WORKS JUST FINE!!!!!!
STAY CALM AND BAKE SOME MORE!!!!!!!!!!!
MR.B is GORGEOUS!!!!!!!
HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?
I NEED TO KNOW!!!!!!!!
Hi Elizabeth the TV Star that I know!!!!!! The stand is working out nicely. I’m still baking. I just finished making a genoise cake for the buche de noel and I’ll freeze it when cooled. Did you not read my blog post from a while ago–we met on Match.com!!!! XOXOXO!!!!
I can’t read ALL of your POSTS they are TOO LONG and I do not have the time……..I save them to read but get so far behind(I get about 200 emails a day)I than DELETE!
SEND ME THE LINK!!!!!!
I SHALL READ THAT ONE!!!!!!!!
Haha! It looks fantastic, and nothing beats that real-tree smell! That being said, my tree is as fake as my nails 😉
LOL!!! Hi DG. I love what you said about your fake tree and nails. I hug you!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
lol! Thanks! Hugs!!
Omg—LOVE the Christmas Tree video. I don’t know how I managed to have never seen that. Thanks so much for sharing—- good luck with decorating YOUR tree, can’t wait to see the pics.
OMG. Deb. That video is a must-see every Christmas season. Go look at the one with Debbie Harry and him. It’s hysterical..especially the 12 days of Christmas glasses!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
You make me laugh at 6 in the morning!
How do you write so many posts in a week?
I can’t even knock out 1, let alone make it hilarious like you do.
If I was in New Jersey, I would come to your rescue.
Hi Robin!! I don’t know how I manage to do it either. My mind is full of lots of stuff!! LOL!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
Oh what a saga!!! Have always had a fake tree here in Oz, I don’t even know if they sell them real ones. I don’t any one that has had one.
I meant to say “I don’t know if they sell real ones”, along with “ I don’t know any one who has had a real one.”
Well today was watching a Christmas special about what there is to do in Adelaide/South Australia over December. Guess what? They showed a Christmas Tree Farm. Who knew 🤣
LOL!! Hi Dianne!! Get to that Farm and get a tree!!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
This is just to tell you I have exactly that tree stand, did´t even know Mr Krinner made it! Kinda funny to think I live across the world but we had the same Xmas-tree stand:)
Being single I´m so thankful I don´t have to get down on my knees to screw and keep the tree straight at the same time…It would be a video worth watching!
Every year I swear I´ll get a fake one, but end up with a real because of the wonderful Christmas smell. No Christmas without the tree-smell. And these days I can calm myself with the thought that real trees are so much more environmentally friendly than plastic, so yes -they are a pain where cleaning is concerned but we will be thanked by the fish and birds:))
Angelin–who knew that we would be discussing the same Christmas Tree stand an ocean apart? I’m sure Europeans have more access to Mr. Krinner’s fabulous tree stands. He needs to get a better sales team here in the USA! I’m admiring my tree now and getting read to make another post about the tree.
And every year I, too, vow to go fake but then when the time comes around–the real ones are just so beautiful!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
When i was a child the tree always went into a red bucket full of sand (bought from the Lions Club who set up on the side of the road as a fundraiser each year). Now I am an adult, my tree is inflatable, I just plug it in and it is done!
Q. I LOVE the idea of an inflatable tree!!!! OMG! That put a smile on my face this morning!!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
Cathy if your not accepting my apologies for what happened then could you kindly take me off your list or unsubscribe me. To just ignore my note I sent you only adds insult to injury . Thank you Angie
Ange, i never received a note from you. I thought we settled whatever differences we had. I’m not kidding when I say the I didn’t receive anything..