Seriously, I’m a bit shocked at myself for waiting this long to write about this fake tanner.  I ordered it back in either late June or early July and have been using it regularly.

Nothing like a box of goodies–especially when you order them on sale!!

In fact, I never even got around to getting sprayed this summer!  It’s been an odd summer season, it has.  Between working and little weekend getaways, the summer has almost faded into oblivion.  And out of the entire summer, we made it down the shore three times.  Most weekends were gray and rainy.

I’ll tell you though, my legs managed to look like I was basking on the ocean’s front for weeks. And it’s all due to this body gel by the brand Per-fékt.

Forget about basking in the sun because we didn’t have many sunny weekends.  I basked in my makeup room admiring the color that this unusual body gel gave my legs!

One of the Instagrammers I follow @turtlelovesbeauty posted that the brand was having a sale and she had a code for ten percent off, and I hit the keyboard on my laptop and went perusing!

My purchases were a gold body illuminator that isn’t bad but the piece de resistance is the “body per-fékt matte body perfection gel” in tan.

Don’t even ask me what a ceramide is because I have no idea. All I know is that this gives a beautiful and natural color to the skin.

If you follow this blog you are well-aware how I love my fake tanners.  After having Mohs surgery for skin cancer on my face, I am now extremely cautious of the time I spend in the sun.  The days of roasting my body like a rotisserie chicken are over.

I’m no longer roasting my body although I’m pretty much stuffed at this time!

At the sale price on Per-fékt’s website, I couldn’t resist.  But just how did this product work?

Let’s take a look…

First of all, I was somewhat confused about this tanning product.  Is it a true self-tanner?  Is it simply body makeup?  Well…it’s kind of a combination of both.  I will call it an “instant tanning product” because it sounds more diplomatic.

Keep reading–you’ll understand my surprise!

When I first squeezed the product out, I was shocked because it didn’t look like any other gel I’ve ever had.  I was expecting it to be very gelatinous and somewhat slippery and shiny and blending into the skin.  But boy—did my eyes pop when I saw what made the exit through the small hole at the top of the tube.

Jesus, Mary and St. Joseph–just what WAS this anyway?  Didn’t look like any gel to me!

I was in such a state of shock that my naturally crossed eyes almost straightened out!

It looked like $hit.  I’m not kidding.  I was a cross between the kind of soft and slightly solid waste that you find in a baby’s diaper and what comes out of a smaller dog.  My initial reaction was “Caca de vaca”—what is this anyway?

And naturally, since I’m very clumsy and a total slob, some fell on the floor–this is NOT Chippy’s doing!!

I was a bit nervous about using this and I gather many others who purchased this had the same initial reaction as I did!

Then, as I went to spread it on my legs, it kind of morphed in front of my eyes to have the appearance of chocolate frosting.

I had an immediate of my daughter, Oona’s, first birthday.  I allowed her a piece of chocolate cake in exchange for this Kodak Moment and spent over an hour cleaning the cake and chocolate frosting from her face, hair and those folds of babies bodies!  I shoulda saved it as fake tanner!

Seriously.  It went from looking like something completely disgusting to a delightful chocolate ganache frosting of sorts–I was tempted to eat it!

Mesmerized, by this strange substance, if you will, I never heard the Frenchman as he opened the bathroom door; and he was aghast at what he saw.  You see, some of this stuff fell on the floor and he thought I had an accident.  This scared him terribly.

And he started speaking in French, while holding his hands to his head, Ricky Ricardo style.

“Elle est Folle!!”  Is what my French Ricky Ricardo kept saying.  It transcribed into “She’s Nuts”!!

And when I looked down at the floor and saw the little mess, I realized it was bits of the gel tanner.  Things got worse when I bent down to pick it up with a tissue to show him it was just another beauty product—but he calmed down when I explained that I was just clumsy with the self-tanner!

The Frenchman was traumatized by the sight of my and the product that looked like an accident occured!  He won’t be a knockin’ on anymore bathroom doors anymore!!

He hasn’t barged in to any bathroom that I’ve been using in the house ever since!

But let me tell you more about this stuff!

After the initial shock of the appearance, I did rub it into my skin and regardless of the now chocolate frosting look of it, it blended into my pale skin perfectly.

The gel morphed into a very blendable substance and even though it’s matte, it doesn’t dry the skin at all!

It was an amazing experience!

The color was a true brown with absolutely no traces of orange. It never oxidized and it dried instantly! and when I say instantly, I mean instantly.

Both legs had a very even-toned color!  I did have to clean up a little bit of the gel that I dropped but other than that, it applied beautifully.  No streaks whatsoever and dried IMMEDIATELY!!!

No odor—and that’s the big fault with many self-tanners.  There’s a chemical and sometimes kind of dirty scent that’ll dissipate after a while, but the scent can linger.  This doesn’t smell.

The scent of no odor is a blessing because nothing will interfere with my perfume!!  Honestly there is absolutely no oder from this gel!

It does not, and I repeat, does not transfer onto clothing.  Today I’m wearing white shorts and I refreshed my legs a bit with this before I got dressed.  No product transferred.  Nada!  My white shorts are white!

I’m wearing white shorts today and not one trace of the tanner is on my shorts. And I didn’t even wait five minutes after I applied.  I lit-er-ull-ee applied, ran to my dresser and put these on!

I applied some yesterday too and nothing transferred onto my new Saddle Shoes!  Don’t you just love these shoes?  In my world it’s hip to be square!

It doesn’t come off unless you scrub it off.  Seriously.  I’ve shaved my legs while taking a bath without scrubbing my legs and it stayed put.  But if you’ve had it on for a couple of days and want to take it off, scrub off with body wash or soap and it’ll wash right off, giving you a new, clean palette for re-applying.

It even looks great on my feet and I’m generally pretty sloppy with applying any fake tanner on my feet.  I’m thrilled with Body Per-fekt Body Perfection Gel (or whatever it is)

I paid $14.40 for three ounces on sale.  I’ve since purchased another one for backup and have noticed that it is still available and still on sale I’ll be purchasing a third.

I’ve used quite a bit of this but it’s just so darned good!!  Luckily I have a backup and it’s time to order a third!

Per-fékt came up with a winner with this body perfection gel and I don’t know how they did it and considering what it looks like when it comes out of the tube, I don’t think I want to know.  All I know is this is a great, great product.

Other than getting sprayed, I don’t think I’ve ever had a tanning product that looked this natural or didn’t smell.

Whether you self-tan because you don’t want to sit out in the sun to bake your body or whether you want to make your legs look darker in the cooler or cold months because you hate wearing pantyhose (as I do), this is greatness.  A small amount goes a long way and the shade is just so flattering.

Here’s a photo of me from last summer–I got sprayed before we went to France and I swear the color of Body Per-fekt is just as good a match for my fair skin.  

Proof that one should never judge a book by its cover—or what comes out of the cover until you try it!

I’m gonna apply some to my arms tomorrow.  I honestly recommend this to all of you!

Have a trip to a southern climate or an island coming up this winter?  Might I suggest purchasing this and applying it to your body before getting on the plane—your skin will thank you!

And it works on mature skin too.  My legs have a bit of old lady crepe paperness to them but they still hold up fine with this product!

And with that, I give you a fun song from one of my favorite musical party groups. Joe King Carrasco and the Crowns.  From 1981, his song Caca de Vaca!   (I’m putting this song on Oona’s Wedding playlist for dancing!!)