Friday.  Tonight, we have the wedding rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and a Meet and Greet for out-of-town guests.

But first, let’s delve into the events of this busy day.

This is the day the remaining bridesmaids arrived.   Once again, it was an early wake-up call with no time to spare.

Cock-a-doodle-do and time to wake up!  It’s the day before the wedding!

With a few bridesmaids in tow, we went to a local government office to pick up on of the ladies.  I was asked to slide low in the seat and remain out-of-sight due to my recent Twitter ban.  (One can only guess what it was about.  I shall not mention it here).  I complied.

I’m in hiding…………..again!

Then it was on to the nail salon where the girls had mani-pedis.  Since I don’t trust anyone except Kim to do my nails, I had mine done before travelling to Cincinnati.

Girls just wanna have fun…and get the nails done!

And while the girls were having their nails done, I spotted a book store in the strip mall.  Oh, happy day!  I’m that person.  The one who can spend hours rummaging through book stores.  And this one was extra!  There was a vintage children’s/young adult section.  Honest to God, had I travelled with an actual suitcase rather than a carry-on, I would have purchased a good number of these books.

Do you remember Cherry Ames books?  I do and I blame her and Ben Casey along with Dr. Kildare for the start of my hypochondria!

This.  I almost bought it.  I LOVED Nancy Drew books and read this one and for old time’s sake wanted it!

Instead I purchased a journal, a few pens and a vintage cookbook!

Well, now there’s 5,000,000 and one copy in use!  There are quite a few gems in here!  And half price!  This was a great bookstore to rummage around in!

When all was done, the girls took an Uber downtown and Oona and I went on our way to run errands.  This is where it got ……difficult.

I should have NEVER opened my mouth!  It should have stayed shut like this!

NOTE:  If you are the Mother-of-the-Bride, please realize that even the most chill bride will be under stress the days leading up to the wedding.  If you are a rather…. emotional, high-strung, neurotic, anxiety-ridden, and bad-mom, Mother-of-the-Bride, you too, will be under stress.

This pretty-much describes a “moment” that Oona and I had! Ain’t gonna lie!

Now. There were many feelings going through my head. I’m not gonna lie.  The biggest feeling was guilt.  It was a very high guilt-ridden time for me because I could not afford to pay for her wedding.  And yes. I felt and still feel miserable about this.  I have deep-rooted issues that go way back and could go on for days about my emotional “conditions”.  But, at this time, I would rather nut not.

Bear with me on this.

I have a big mouth.  And I’m annoying AF.  Perhaps it’s the self-centeredness in me.  Perhaps it’s the “I’m-not-right-in-the-head” in me. Or perhaps it’s the fact that I don’t think before I speak.  Whatever it is, I kinda messed up a bit.

It happened with the cookies.

We went to Donna’s Gourmet Cookies to pick up the 20 dozen various cookies for wedding guests. It was an extra for guests to take with them on the way from the reception.

Ummmmm Ummmmm. I could throw down a dozen or so of these babies!

While there we picked up an “Ooey Gooey” cookie to split.  Let me tell you, this was beyond delicious and I could have used a pint of cold milk.  It made me want to take a dozen of the cookies out of one of the boxes and just gorge.  All was fine.  We enjoyed the sweetness and ooey goodness and went on our way.

And then I said something.

I didn’t think it would cause WW3 but it did.  I mentioned that since we would be dropping the cookies off at the venue, perhaps we should make a sign that read “Please Do Not Touch the Cookies. They Are for Tomorrow’s Wedding”

Understand this.  I’m a New Yorker.  Born and raised.  My dad was a NYC Cop.  I trust no one.  OK. I trust my kids and my husband.  Other than those four, I trust no one.  I can love someone and like someone but trust is another thing.

Let’s just say that when you are the Mother-of-the-Bride, you need to keep your opinions…any opinion to yourself.  Do not offer suggestions, do not comment unless you are asked.  You have no opinion.  Keep your mouth shut. Zip it. It is not your day. It is the day of the bride.  I only wish I had known this beforehand.

Yeah. Uh Oh is right.  I need to learn to shut my yap in the future!

Words Yelling (mostly on my part) was exchanged, tears flowed and silence followed.

Our next stop was A.C. Moore to pick up a crochet hook.  Tony King, tailor extraordinaire, suggested getting a crochet hook to make hooking the bustle to the dress easier.  While the bride waited in the car, I went into the store to find the hook. That’s were I lost it and started to cry.  A lot!

Yes. If I could have crawled under a table or desk or anywhere and had a good cry with a bottle of wine, I would have.  I felt really bad.  Honestly, I wish I was one of those perfect and good and nurturing moms rather than the bad mom that I am!

Nobody likes to come to terms with their personality disorders and I realized at that moment, I’m not a great or even good example of a mom.  Somewhere down the line I lost my nurturing ways and I should have been more sensitive to Oona’s needs at this time.

Yup!  I’m this mom!  

The positive thing is that I can pass this information on to future Mothers-of-the-Bride so you don’t make the mistakes that I have!

Tony was spot on about using the crochet hook and as you can see, this is in the original package. I forgot to bring it to the reception.  But no worries, my longer acrylic nails worked perfectly to fasten the hook to the buttons on the bustle!

We drove back in silence, arrived back at the house and I was ready to call an Uber to take me to the hotel when Sam came in and made it right.  It took approximately thirty seconds to make up and things were once again, better and the anticipation of the wedding was at an all-time high!

And just like that we had a Gilmore Girls moment of hugging and smiling and getting back on track!

Arriving at the Westin, we unloaded and I checked in.  Honestly, I have to give both kudos and an “are-you-kidding-me?” to this Marriott chain brand.  The reservation was made in my husband’s name.  And so, when I checked in, I had to show proof of my being Mrs. Lartigue.  My driver’s license, with no thanks to the miserable State of Pennsylvania, still had my maiden name.  When I changed my name, I had to pay $38.00 and all I got was a lousy card with the name change that I had to keep with my license.  It ripped right at the new name. That money went down the drain. Now I need to carry my passport when traveling domestically.  I whipped out my passport and headed up to our room.  The husband wasn’t arriving for a few hours so I was the first to enter.

No complaints about our room. It was spacious and the bed was extremely comfortable!

The room was lovely and spacious; I unpacked and made my way to Oona’s suite.  It was magnificent.  We hugged, validated what time to be at the rehearsal and I went on my way to for a bit of rest.

Naturally, being nosy, I headed down to the lobby to catch any signs of friends or family and they were arriving in droves. It was great to see so many people that I hadn’t seen in a long time.  Bonaparte arrived and we headed upstairs.

At this point I was getting antsy and dressed for the dinner.

NOTE:  Do not.  I repeat—do not wear any super-tight body shapers such as Spanx or the like if you want to be relaxed and enjoy yourself.

This is the shapewear I bought.  Notice the model hasn’t an ounce of fat that needs to be sucked in.  I had 15 gained pounds to suck in (yes. I went from 140 to 155 in a matter of months from stress-eating) and couldn’t even breath.  Shapewear be damned!

I struggled getting my shapewear on.  How the eff did women manage to wear corsets and girdles in past decades?  My dress, a cute fitted number by Guess, was slightly loose months ago when I purchased it.  Due to stress-eating, it was now a bit tight but managed to still fit.  For a better fit I purchased a Flexee Body Shaper by Maidenform.  It was It difficult to maneuver—especially over my thighs.  I had to grab my fat and stuff it into this chastity-belt like mass of too-tight fabric in order to look good.  Once it was on, and the dress over it, I didn’t see much of a difference but the struggle to take it back off would be too much while I was sober.  My spray tan now had a faint hue of purple due to the fact my circulation was cut off.

Shit!  When I tried this dress on in the store it was when I weighed 15 pounds less and hadn’t worn shapewear.  Oh well.  It is what it is!

It was now time to head to the rehearsal.

Everything was all set up (and I didn’t DARE ask where the cookies were!)

Place cards that I cut and prepared were at the ready!

And final preparations were put into place..

Emotions returned. But this time, they were bittersweet. Oona was gorgeous.  She wore a white off-the-shoulder dress and for the first time ever, I saw her as the woman she is—not as my baby girl. And I wondered just where the past 29 years have gone.

Oona and her bridesmaids…

A hug between friends.

Rehearsing for the big day!

The future Mr. and Mrs.!

When the rehearsal was done it was off to the dinner at NADA, a high-end Mexican restaurant.  And wow!  The food was great!  Best Gazpacho I ever had and I want that recipe.  Badly.

Nada. If you are in Cincinnati–check this downtown Mexican eatery out. You won’t be disappointed!!!!

Best Gazpacho ever!

The salmon tacos are off the charts greatness.  Did I mention I have 15 pounds to lose?

I got a photo of Roman and Sam’s grandfather, Jack.  Jack is the man!!!  He is so much fun—he should have been at the Reds game the night before!

Roman and Jack kickin’ it up at Nada!

Folks.  My apologies but this is where the photos for the evening ends.  We went to another place after the dinner for a “Meet and Greet” for family and friends.  I partook in quite a few delicious beverages that were not soda nor water.  I had five Bourbon Sours and random glasses of wine that I stole from empty tables.  Yes. I played high school.

Yeah. Mommy had five of these…and random glasses of wine that I took from empty tables.

I wasn’t really wasted—just happy.  Afterwards some of us decided to go to a Karaoke bar but on the way, Bonaparte diverted me back to the hotel and the only singing I did was Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer”. On the streets of downtown Cincinnati with my sister.

I’m not wasted!  I’m just happy!

Needless to say, when I got back to the hotel room, I had incredible heartburn and threw up.  I felt much better and fell asleep to dreams and visions of the next day!

I also threw the body shaper into the trash!

Stay tuned for the final installment–The Wedding!