No. I’m not cheating on Bonaparte with a guy named Leo. I’m not hanging with DiCaprio either.
Hey Leo. I think you are taking the Paleo diet too seriously. Leave the bear alone. Have some steak instead!
My “Pal Leo” is the Paleo diet!
basically the Paleo Diet is this–with some yummy organ meats thrown in!
I’m not kidding. But let me backtrack a bit. My eating habits have become absolutely horrific over the past year. The loss of a job really shouldn’t be an excuse for the gluttonous life I’ve been leading. But hey, that’s how I handle stress. That’ right. I’m an emotional eater!
Yes. That would be the gluttonous me. I could relate to this film. BTW, might I suggest watching this darkly funny film if you get the chance?
Over the past year, I’ve gained a shitload of blubber, lard, fat, weight. I should be ashamed but I’m not. What I am is concerned. Concerned about my health –especially since I have no health insurance until Medicaid approves my application.
And it isn’t just about my blobfish gut, nor is it about my thighs that beautifully resemble curds of cottage cheese—the large curd at that! It isn’t about the mud flaps that are my underarms or side boobage slipping out of my bra.
My unhappy blobby gut resembles this blobfish!
It’s about the inside of my body that is cause for concern. With my eating habits that even stunned Bonaparte, I really was starting to have some serious stomach issues. I was bloaty—and when you have a stomach that is spilling over the top of your jeans, well—it isn’t very attractive.
I was burping to the point Bonaparte started complaining in French.
And…I was so full of gas. How full of gas was I? I’m glad you asked. I was so full of gas that I could walk to my driveway, open up that little door that opens up to the thingy that you put the gas nozzle into when you are getting gas, pull my pants down, shove my ass into that gas thingy and pump away! Nice visual—eh?
That’s right buddy. I could fill up a tank with gas–and you won’t have to pay!
Heartburn, lethargy. The whole kit and caboodle.
Then Oona suggested that I read a book she left behind for me some time ago.
Oona loves mommy so much that she got mommy to read a book about healthy eating. Now mommy is hooked and when mommy goes to visit Oona in two weeks, mommy will only cook healthy Paleo meals! Thank you Oona!
“It Starts With Food. Discover the Whole30 and Change Your Life In Unexpected Ways” The book is written by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig. Dallas being a physical therapist and Melissa being a Certified Sports Nutrutionist. Neither is a medical doctor.
For the most part, this book is very good. But there are claims of curing serious diseases that I find to be extremely misleading.
I read the book. A lot of what I read made sense. A lot of what I read made me think otherwise. The book makes you follow an incredibly strict 30-day plan of—no sugar, no dairy, no gluten. If you so much as have a drop of milk in your coffee or a Kir Royale, it is back to day one. Believe me, I’m all about the no sugar, dairy and gluten if it’ll make me feel better. But really, enough bullshit! On the weekends, I am having my Kir Royale with Bonaparte!
Regardless, reading the book got me on the Paleo track. I’m doing what I call “Paleo Lite”.
I picked up a couple of cookbooks and believe it or not, there’s some really REALLY decent recipes in both!
For three weeks I have not had any sugar with the exceptions being my aperitifs on Friday and Saturday and the other being when I add a bit of almond paste to the “green” shakes that I make. I have not had any gluten-which is a miracle in itself, nor have I had any dairy. I’m also doing low-carb.
No pasta. No bread. No sweets. No cheese. No sauces made with cream or flour.
I’m not going to be making any more croissants any time soon!
I’m existing on meats—especially liver. YUM. I love me some liver—which is great because I am a fan of “Offal“! It’s “offally” good! I’m eating more chicken than usual. Fish. Fruit. Tons of Vegetables. And Nuts! I’m using rice flour for coating since it is non-gluten and permitted. I’m drinking almond milk—it’s allowed.
The best part is that I my stomach issues have subsided. I’m in a state of shock. Really. I am! I’m not belching. My gut is actually shrinking to the point that my blobfish gut has turned into a blowfish gut. I’m not as bloaty and my GERD has been kept at bay. I’m not even gassy!
Yes. My gut is shrinking from large blobfish to smaller blowfish!
It’s snowing now and while the snow falls, I’ll have my tea; instead of regular milk, I’ll have it with almond milk. A mixture of well-measured out nuts, raisins and dates will stand in for the ooey-gooey macaroni and cheese that I would have made in the past to enjoy during a snowy winter’s day.
Raw cashews, raw almonds, raisins and chopped dates. My new Mac & Cheese!
And while Bonaparte and I enjoy our aperitifs, I’ll make do without the little appetizers that we share. He will be able to enjoy the little treats all by himself.!!
Anyway, I did have a craving for gnocchi. Regular potatoes are a Palee-no! Sweet potatoes are allowed so I tried to “create” a recipe for sweet potato gnocchi. Here’s what I did:
My Sweet Potato Gnocchi that Failed But Still Tasted Great!
Ingredients: Two sweet potatoes. Rosemary. White Rice Flour. ONE egg (even though two are pictured). Nutmeg. Red and regular pepper. Garlic Powder. Kosher Salt.
2 Sweet Potatoes. Dampened, slits poked into them with a knife, and wrapped in dampened paper towels. Into the microwave for 12 minutes.
After 12 minutes in the microwave the sweet pototoes will be perfectly cooked!
Then I scooped out the inside and placed in a bowl with a couple of Rosemary branches , covered and let everything cool. The Rosemary would infuse the potatoes.
Rosemary is so great. It is such a strong aromatic that it infuses ANYTHING!
Then I mixed in a bit of garlic powder, salt, pepper, one egg, a bit of nutmeg and 3/4 cup of rice flour.
Made a nice but way too sticky dough. Red flag that the gnocchi recipe is failing!
Rolled it up in wax paper and chilled.
Rolled up, chilled then cut–in theory great. In reality–fail!
Cut pieces off the roll. My recipe was a fail as gnocchi. But…ever the optimist, I turned things around and ended up with little sweet potato fritters, which I dredged in rice flour and sautéed in butter (allowed) and olive oil.
They were a delicious accompaniment with my liver and parsnip mash!
Alright. This photo is incredibly unappetizing. But……
…look above the mashed parsnips. The newly renamed “sweet potato fritters” were a success! They were really delicious with the natural sweetness of the parsnips and the earthiness of the liver. I dredged the liver in rice flour. The rice flour is gluten free and keeps the moisture in. I’ve been using rice flour forever for this very purpose and never realized it was gluten-free!
I’m not too fond of the green shakes I’ve been drinking—but they are a way to keep me filled up and are an easy way for me to get more veg in. I’ve been using Kale that I’ve had in a bag for a while—it’s more of an “earthier” taste. My big “cheat” is a spoonful of almond paste. The almond paste has sugar in it. I’m a rebel.
The green shake. Truthfully, it doesn’t taste that great–but it serves the purpose of filling me up!
It’s hard. I’m not gonna lie. There are times when I just want something sweet. I baked two Lemon pound cakes yesterday because Bonaparte had a craving. It would be great to have a, two, three pieces one of them to myself, slathered with lemon curd while sipping on a hot chocolate topped with a huge dollop of whipped cream.
Two lemony pound cakes for Bonaparte! I AM a giver!
It would also be comforting to cook up a one-pound box of macaroni and make a cheese sauce from not one or two, but three cheeses. Make. Bake. Devour!
Paleo or not. I would STILL rather be devouring THIS on such a snowy day like today!
Instead, I’m just going to be patient and keep my willpower up! My size 8 jeans that didn’t even zip up a month ago fit just fine now!
Keeping my chins up that I stick to the new eating habits. I need to lose about 20 pounds!
Off to deal with Snowmageddon 2016 for now. A day of organizing my writing files. Bonaparte gifted me with my very own file cabinet. Actually he is tired of the mess I created and the gift is more of “hinted” me with a file cabinet!
My project for the day. Organizing my files!
Enjoy the day! And Don’t go near the yellow snow! Frank Zappa knows!
