Please Don’t Tell Me to “Have a Good Rest of the Day”

You may and can tell me to “Have a good day” or good morning or good afternoon or good evening.  But please.  I’m begging you.  Please do not use the sentence “Have a good rest of the day” to me.  Not now.  Not ever. Never.

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Oh yeah.  You can always tell me to have a good morning whilst I’m enjoying my cuppa Joe!

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And you are quite right when you tell me to have a good afternoon while enjoying a cuppa tea!

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….…and during these warm summer nights, it will be a pleasure to hear you wish me a good evening..

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…just don’t tell me to “have a good rest of the day”.  Please.  Just. Don’t. Thank you.

Before I go into my rant about that horrifically-worded phrase, please understand that I’m a most peasant person. In my office correspondence I’ll begin and end any letter, fax and email with pleasantries.

Seriously. I am. I am a pleasant person by nature.  And I’m happy.  As long as you don’t use certain phrases with me!

When on the phone, I’ll always be polite and amiable.

..and I can be a lot of laughs and fun when I’m on the phone too!

And depending upon the time, I’ll either use the phrase “Have a good day”, “Have a good afternoon” or…in some cases “Have a good evening”.

 

Why…I’m as polite as Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake as the Brothers Gibb!  I’m very proper!

When faxing, I usually end the facsimile with “Have a pleasant day” or “Have a pleasant afternoon”.

It isn’t that difficult to wish some niceness on someone.

Oh I’m a good witch!  Although some people would replace the “w” with  the letter “b”.  But I’m still a nice one!

So, why then, does the phrase “Have a good rest of the day” make me cringe every time I hear it?  Seriously.  It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard.  Even worse.  Do you remember when we had milk in wax containers?  You know the little ones that we would get in school in the 1960’s?  Every so often a little piece of wax would make its way into the milk and when it poured into my mouth, my gag reflexes were in full force.  That’s what happens when I hear that phrase.

If you’re around my age or older, you remember these little milk cartons that you would receive with school lunches.  There was  always an elusive piece of wax that would make it’s way into the milk and trust me it was disgusting.  These things also smelled of sour milk.  If you drank milk from these cartons you NEVER had a good rest of the day!

Where did it come from?  What imbecile started that ridiculously inane phrase?

I swear I’ve done that at the office when I hear people utter that horrible phrase.

Let’s break it down.  Have a good REST of the day.  To me, it means enjoy whatever rest you have today.  Be it a nap, or sitting down to read a good book or to play Candy Crush Saga—any activity that puts you at complete ease and comfort.  The fine art of resting.

I have a “good rest of the day” by sitting on the deck and reading a book!  Presently, I’m reading The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas.  It’s a great way to rest…

For example.  I arrive home from Christmas shopping.  I’m lugging bags of gifts.  And since I love the element of surprise, decide to wrap everything.  When completed the errands and tasks, I need a rest.  I need a good rest.  It is my “good rest of the day”.  It is something I do.

And my favorite resting bitch place is the white loveseat in our little sunroom.  I’ve had many good rests of the day here!

Telling someone to have a good rest of the day is, in my most humble opinion, rather presumptuous.  What if the person on the other end of the phrase is unable to have a good rest?  Do you see where I’m coming?

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Yeah. Don’t EVER tell me to have a “good rest of the day” when I’m suffering from one of my infamous anxiety attacks.  And it happens often!

It’s these crazy phrases that have worked their way into normalcy.  Into business class.  Phrases like “No problem” rather than to say “You’re welcome” when someone thanks you.  “No problem is another one that drives me to eyeroll. And when you are cross-eyed such as I,  an eyeroll can look pretty creepy.

Please allow me to give you Anderson Cooper’s eyeroll. It’s much prettier than mine.  Besides, if you see MY eyeroll in all it’s lazy-eye-crossed beauty, you’ll have a rather traumatic rest of the day!

I’m telling you. When I hear that phrase, it almost ruins my rest-of-the-day.

 

Yes. It is. That’s because someone said to “have a good rest of the day”!

Case in point.   During the prep for Oona’s wedding, she had an early-morning appointment to have her legs waxed. (I’ll take the razor thank you).  This was 9:00 in the morning before our spray-tan appointment.

As we had a busy day ahead, I accompanied my daughter and waited in the reception area until she was done.  When she paid for the wax job, the receptionist, who was a very perky and cute young woman, told us to “Have a good rest of the day”.   When I questioned her on why she had to include “rest-of-the” rather than just say “Have a good day”, she gave me a look of utter surprise—as though I just cursed her out.  She seriously looked like she would cry.

Oona said I was rude. (I’ve heard those words come out of her mouth so many times…)  I digressed in the fact that all she needed to say was “Have a good day”.  The day had barely begun!  For Crissake—do you ever hear people say “Have a good rest of the afternoon” or “Have a good rest of the evening”?  No.  You don’t. That’s because it sounds even more idiotic than “Have a good rest of the day”.

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Um.  No daughter.  It isn’t rude.  I merely questioned an idiotic phrase than can be simplified with a more pragmatic message.

Honestly, I just don’t understand the use of that expression.  Please.  Let me know if you agree or disagree with me.  There are times when I do go overboard.  And there are times when I can be a bit—-contrary.

So, what do you think?  Has anyone told you to “Have a good rest of the day”?  What’s your reaction?  Do you even use that phrase?  If you do, I’m not even apologizing to you.  That’s how much I can’t stand that phrase.

With that being said.  Have a good evening.  I’m going upstairs to rest.  I’m going to have a good rest of the evening!

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Sweet dreams.  Nighty night.  G’nite.  Sleep tight.  But don’t have a good rest of the day!

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HEY LADY! YOU NEED A WIG!!!!!

HEY LADY!!!! HEY LADY!!  Don’t hide your hair under a hat!  Get a wig!!

It’s true.  I’ve been giving this a lot of thought lately and have come to the conclusion that every woman not only should own a wig, but every woman needs to own a wig.  Or two.  Or more.

Ohhh something magica happens when I think.  And I’ve been thinking about why every woman needs a wig!

I’m not even going to broach the subject of hair loss. Those of us who experience hair loss –whatever the reason being, are used to wigs.  We are adept at making them our own.  Our wigs are not merely accessories, but they are our new normal.

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THAT was a couple of years ago.  The spot has grown substantially.  Too bad my bank account hasn’t grown as substantially as my baldness!

And when I was caught off-guard last wig week with the question of “If all your hair grew back just as it was before you lost it, would you continue to wear your wigs?”

What great food for thought!  I pondered.  I reflected.  I examined my conscience. I deliberated. I contemplated. Finally, I concluded.

I even tapped my hands on the table in serious contemplation!

Absolutely!  I would still wear wigs.  And I would still embrace them. And love them.  And cherish them.

I’m overcome with emotion simply because I WOULD still wear my beloved wigs if all my hair grew back!  I need a moment hair…I mean…HERE!!

Because wearing wigs gave me so much more than the hair I lost.

My confidence and esteem were regained because I felt good when I made the transition over to wigs.  No longer was I self-conscience about my “spots”.  No longer did I have to deal with the constant prepping and fixing my hair. I felt more like the woman I am rather than feeling like Friar Tuck’s twin sister!

That’s for sure!  I smile a hella lot more than when I worried about my bio hair falling on the floor!

And then I thought about all the other reasons that wigs are greatness and why every woman should own one.

Before I continue, do you remember how popular wigs and falls were in the 1960’s?  They were considered an accessory so you could switch your look up from day time to date time.  From short too long.  And it didn’t even matter that the wigs didn’t look natural.  It was all good!

Back in the ’60’s, women OWNED wearing fake hair. And it was popular. No stigma attached!

Then things got serious and women stopped wearing hair for fun.  Fake hair don’t care and neither should you.

Be still my heart. That hair on the far right? I would very much wear it today!  It’s FUN!!!! Remember–the higher the hair the closer to God!

But enough about that, let’s talk about why you need a wig!

You have frizzy, coarse, unruly hair.  Summer weather is especially cruel to these tresses as is rain and heat.

This is my hair!  It’s actually a bit tame today because it’s been under a wig! I stopped coloring it and stopped blow drying it.  I can’t wear it down anyway due to the massive bald spot in the back.  If you think I’m going outside like this, I have a bridge to sell you!

Why put yourself through the misery of having to constantly pull your hair back? Why allow yourself the frustration of a beautiful blow out and as soon as you leave the comfort of your air-conditioned home to head outside, the coif that was so smooth moments ago has now grown into a wild mass and keeps on growing—-outward and upward.

And, like this guy, the weather oftentimes, makes the hair I have grow upwards!

A wig is the remedy.  A synthetic wig is the remedy.  The hair won’t grow out. It won’t spurt up like a weed. It’ll stay put.  You can go outside; rest assured and feel confident and pretty and your summer will suddenly turn into your favorite season!

The straight hair I never had!  This is High Society by Gabor Wigs in the shade Toasted Pecan (or Pea-can, as I say).  

You have the opposite of hair that goes wild in humid weather. Your hair goes limp and loses any curl or shape that you toiled over for hours with that barrel curling iron.

 

A wig is what you need.  One with those perfect waves.  They waves won’t go limp when you head outside.  In fact, they’ll stay put all day.  You can bounce up and down the avenue and strut your hot stuff!

Look at those waves!  This is Avalon by Estetica Designs and is one I’ve worn over and over and over this summer.  These waves will stay all day without falling!

You’re going on vacation?  You’re traveling for a while?  The beach?  Europe?  Antarctica?

Beach vacay?  Doesn’t Bonaparte look fetching? He doesn’t need a wig.

Heavens to Betsy—don’t forget to bring some hair with you!

 

Have wig. Will Travel. And when you get bored waiting for your flight, you can take the wig out of your carry on and comb it!  That’s what I do!

Seriously.  A stay at a resort that offers a pool or beachside means that you’ll be swimming like a Bubble Guppy.  Because that is what we do when we are near the water—whether fresh, salt or chlorinated.

Caveat–I have to wear a wig to the beach. This is Alice by Uniwigs Lavivid collection.  But for the woman who HAS a full head of hair and doesn’t want to be bothered styling it after a day of swimming (and I swim in a wig too),  don’t fret over blowdrying–wear a wig to dinner!

And when you realize, at 4:30 that you’ll be attending Happy Hour followed by a wonderful dinner, you excuse yourself from everyone else because it’ll take hours to get your hair just so!

Cheers!  It’s Happy Hour!  And I’m wearing Model Model’s Storm wig.  This is one of the first wigs I’ve ever worn and at $32.00, she’s still looking grand!

Well, if you bring a wig or three, you’ll have options.  Let your hair dry then stick a wig over it, put that face on, get that hotsie totsie dress on, slip into those strappy sandals and head off to make everyone wonder just how you turned into Becky With the Good Hair in a matter of minutes!

Better yet, call Cathe with the good wig...

Take that Becky!  My fake hair gets combed back into a killer Bardot pony tail!  And Alden by Estetica designs is the perfect wig to put into that do!

Oh. Wait.  You’re playing tourist on a visit through the UK or Europe.  You’re sightseeing all day.  That’s cool.  You are a comfortable, yet, tasteful ensemble that doesn’t scream “tourist”.  You are wearing your hair back for lack of time in getting ready this morning.  So why, then, didn’t you bring a wig with you?

Why’re you wearing your hair back like that …

…..when you can be walking the streets in this casual loose do, Soft & Subtle by Gabor!

And don’t even mention that meal at the five-star restaurant that you saved your dollars for so long to enjoy every morsel of that tasting menu.  You gotta dress like the star you are.  Ohhh but you came back to your Airbnb or hotel a bit later than expected and you are pressed for time.  If you had a wig, you would be saving a hellalot o’ time.  Just sayin’!

Yeah baybay!  I wore Envy wigs “Chloe” to dinner at Allard in Paris last November!  I wonder which one I’ll wear this year!!

Let’s bring it back a step. To every day.

You had a rough night last night.  Full moon kept you from getting a good sleep.  Perhaps you were in a frisky mood and was up doing a bit of the Bouncy-Bouncy!  Or maybe that meal you had from the take-out has kept you on your throne a good portion of the night.

Whatevs.  You have a meeting at 8 in the mornin’ and your hair is not behaving.  A wig works wonders! And will keep ‘em guessing!

 

Jamison by Estetica Designs.  My favorite bob of all time!  I have 12 of her. An even dozen!

Or you can switch it up with a short do!  Jones, also by Estetica!

Dinner guests are arriving tonight. You’ve been slaving in the kitchen all day.  Or it’s the Holidays and you’ve been slaving in the kitchen for many days. Time is of the essence and of that delightful aroma from the roast.  You have choices. Either put the makeup on or do your hair.  If you had a wig you can do both!  But don’t put your head in the open oven to take anything out or your synthetic wig could become damaged.  Be the royalty you are and make your husband/significant other take the food out of the oven.

Dinner guests tonight?  Put the makeup on and go with a short little number like Jon Renau’s Ignite wig! And if you have long hair and are thinking of going short–a wig is the solution to checking the shorter lengths out!

And with that wig you can present the feast to your guests looking more fetch than Donna Reed or June Cleaver!

Hello dinner guests?  Oh..why thank you!  It took NO time at all to get ready! *wink*

OHHHH…OHHHH. You have a special event approaching.  You are a Mother-of-the-Bride or …Groom!  Perhaps you are hosting a fancy-schmancy shower or group event.  You’ve worked your butt off.  Don’t even give the hair a second thought.  If you have a wig, you can party like it’s 1999 all over again!

Alden in the shade Caramel Kiss was a Mother-of-the-Bride gift from my friends at Estetica Designs.  I danced all night.  I mingled and I received a ton of compliments on my hair. It took less than a minute to style. I took it out of the box and put it on my head. Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

You see?  That’s the point I’m making.  Ask any woman if she likes her hair.  Most will find something wrong.  Either it’s too unruly or dull or limp or too thin or too thick or the color isn’t right.  Some of us have hair that hasn’t aged well.  Instead of fighting it, cover it.  With a wig.

Stop the fight. Stop the fright.  Get wiggy with it!  You’ll discover a new freedom!

Years of dying hair isn’t good.  A wig provides great coverage if you are tired of coloring your hair.

Here I am in Estetica’s Brooklyn wig.  Wigs in various shades offer a safer alternative to hair dye!

And for those who have gone gray, not everyone has beautiful gray hair.  A gray wig will give you that beautiful gray hair—and more than Fifty Shades of it too!

Gabor’s High Society in Sugared Nickel. This is a GREAT wig for those who want to transition to gray!

Estetica Designs Avalon in ChromeRT1B. This is such a gorgeous shade of gray. I have a Jamison in this shade too!

A platinum gray is a gorgeous shade too!

Wigs have changed my life for the better.  Where I used to hate summer because of my unruly hair, I love it now. I plop a wig on my head and fuhgeddaboudit.  And wig companies now make incredibly lightweight and summer-weather friendly wigs.

This is Pandora by Uniwigs Lavivid. It’s the only Human Hair wig I have. Personally, I prefer synthetic because it’s low-maintenance.  But. I go swimming in this wig and she dries wavy!  It’s a great beach wig!

I used to spend all morning washing, conditioning, setting my wet hair in rollers, letting the hair air dry till damp, blow drying each section straight, then rolling my hair back up.  Keeping it in the rollers for an hour. Taking the hair out of the rollers, spraying it with hairspray, and still worrying that it didn’t look right.

That’s what I heard after I rolled and dried my hair because I got my bio hair all over the place. I shed worse than any dog!

And that, my dear friends who I love so much, is why you need a wig!

And with a great head of fake hair, you don’t even need makeup. This is Enchantress by Mane Attraction wigs in the shade Latte!  

And whether you are wiggin’ it or not–the objective is to just have fun!

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The Only Makeup Kit You’ll Need—And it’s Stacked With Greatness!

It isn’t often that a cosmetic product comes around that makes me go head-over-heels crazy.

There’s  bareMinerals Well-Rested that I’ve been using for maybe ten years now and  the Benefit Gimme Brow along with Anastasia Beverly Hills DIPBROW.

Three “Holy Grail” products.  The bareMinerals Well-Rested and the DIPBROW I’ve been using for years and the Gimme Brow is an HG since earlier this year.  I use all three every day!

Among the vast collection of makeup that seemingly takes up quite a bit of space I have my regular rotation of neutrals.  The blushes, bronzers, concealers, highlighters, lip colors and foundations all hold an important spot in helping me to enhance the features that have somewhat either disappeared over the years or have sagged due to gravity.

As I’ve pro-aged, I’ve become a great fan of the “less-is-more” and “no-makeup makeup” looks.  Always sleuthing to find a creamy blush.  A hydrating concealer.  Products that are mature skin friendly.  I like a good multi-tasker—i.e. bronzer as eyeshadow; lip color as blush.  You get the gist.

 

Here I am! Writing this post.  I have my no-makeup makeup look on.  Pro-aging at it’s best and it’s all due to this adorable makeup kit!

And thanks to a much younger YouTube beauty personality named Shelbey Wilson, I’ve found what I’ve been searching for. She showcased this little nugget of a treasure on a recent video and after I viewed, I had to have it.  Shelbey Wilson’s SubtlBeauty video

What is it?

Everything fits into the palm of your hand!

It’s stackable makeup by a new Indie makeup company SubtlBeauty!

I’m telling you I was blown away.   You can “build” your own stack with an assortment of products:  Concealer that can double as foundation, a lip/check combination, highlighter, bronzer/contour and a translucent powder.  There are little extras such as little application puffs and a brush but it’s the makeup itself that has me going cuckoo for cocoa puffs!

Let’s look at this gem, shall we?

I ordered from their website and the site is easy to navigate and order from. That’s always a plus.

Delivery was no issue.  I received emails regarding each step of shipping.  Another plus.

The packaging is adorable.  A small round cardboard cylinder, personalized, held the stacks.  When I opened the cylinder, the stacked cosmetics were put into place very securely, ensuring that nothing would be broken.  Yet, another plus.

This packaging.  I can’t even—it’s so adorable!  But as we know, it’s what’s inside that counts!

Little stacked nuggets of greatness!

Each stack fits on top of the other and embossed with the cosmetic’s name.

I purchased the highlighter, powder, concealer, lip/cheek cream, bronzer, applicator and an additional cap. And might I add that the products are cruelty-free!

Clockwise from 12 O’Clock:  Highlighter in Champagne; Lip/Cheek color in Mauve; Concealer in Light; Bronzer in Cool; Powder–it’s universal; cap. In the middle extra cap with little applicator.

Since we are in the dog days of summer, I’ve been shrugging off foundation and primer and am just going for a minimalist look.  I used the concealer as a foundation of sorts and was pleased as punch.  The shade “light” works for me as my tan is fading. The texture is ridiculously creamy, blends beautifully and gives a light coverage—enough to make your skin look more even.  It is buildable, but my wrinkles and I prefer something a bit more natural these days.

This concealer is so luxuriousy creamy and hydrating—making it perfect for mature skin.  It doesn’t cake up it blends smoothly and stays put all day!

The cheek and lip color.  WOW!  The color I purchased is Mauve.  It isn’t too pink, not too brown but gives off a nice flushed hue to the cheeks.  On the lips it enhances the natural pigmentation and is just so.   Again, the texture is incredibly creamy and hydrating.  This is mature skin’s best friend!

You gotta love a product that multi-tasks and the lip/cheek color is just that.  The Mauve shade works so well with my cool coloring. It’s a hint of color and not overdone and just glides onto the skin.  Again, completely hydrating!

The bronzer I went with is the cool-toned shade and it is a true cool.  I love the way it applies.  It isn’t ashy or overly matte.  It blends in beautifully; and another good thing is that this bronzer is a true cool brown and doesn’t go on gray as so many bronzers and contours in the cool family tend to do.  (There is also a Warm toned bronzer for warm-toned complexions)

Another multi-tasker is the bronzer in the Cool shade.  I use this as an eyeshadow by applying it with the Morphe blending brush shown at the bottom.  As a bronzer I use a larger brush!  And this bronzer is quite pigmented too!  Not ashy or chalky–it blends in beautifully!

The highlighter is stunning.  Who knew that a little disc of product could give off such an intense glow?  It applies smoothly and isn’t patchy at all.

The highlighter also packs a punch!  It’s amazing what these little stacks hold!

The powder is the only “okay…” product.  It’s very light not heavy at all and I will tell you that I did apply it very lightly. Just a touch.  My makeup stayed put all day except for the lips but that’s par for the course especially after coffee, lunch and two clementines followed by two 32-ounce bottles of water.  Let it be known that I don’t reapply makeup during the day and only do so if I’m going out.

I used the little applicator puff to apply the powder and in its defense, I’m not a powder person, but….the powder will be used for setting my lipstick–especially if using a brighter color!

Another nice touch is the little cards that came with the stack.  They explain the products and how to use them.  I thought that was so sweet!

The cards are a nice touch.  And when they say “not too tight” they mean it.  I have a super-heavy hand and found out a lighter touch in stacking is all you need!

So, what else makes this an ingenious concept?  These stackable products are perfect for travel.

If you are a regular friend of this blog, then you know of my penchant for traveling light!  Remember, two years ago I loaded this Longchamp carryon to the Cote d’Azur for two weeks and for Oona’s wedding, I stuffed my Mother-of-the-Bride gown in here.  These stackables are right up my travel alley!

This is coming with me on our November trip to Paris.  We’re also planning a few weekend trips and these stacks will be will me.  Naturally, I’ll bring mascara and eyeliner and my brow products, but I’ll eliminate anything else that can be cumbersome and heavy to carry at times.

Je suis heureuse that you will be coming with me to Paris on my next visit…and naturally to the South of France too!

The products aren’t cheap and the more you stack the more you’ll spend.  But, on the other hand, they aren’t ridiculously expensive either.  The stackable discs are $12 and $14 each—depending on which product you purchase.  The little applicator is $5, and the extra cap is another $5.   I think the price points are fair.

For those who like to touch up during the day at work, this is fabulous.  It fits into just about any sized purse.  New moms that want a bit of a glow during the day, this’ll slide right into the diaper bag.

And for those concerned about expiration dates (let it be known I pay no attention to expiration dates..except with food….sometimes), the stacks are good for 12 months!

Believe me when I tell you that this is great stuff.

I had a very “ugly” day on Thursday.  I woke up with a killer of a headache from the barometric pressure. My eyes were wonky, puffy and extra hooded.  My skin was kind of blotchy due to a fading tan and I was tired.  If I didn’t wear any makeup, I would have looked like hell.  If I wore too much makeup, I would have looked worse.

The cure-all was taking out my little “miracle” stack and going lightly and it worked.

Barometric pressure, humidity and pollen all added to my waking up very ugly and extremely puffy and hooded eyes.  I needed makeup but needed to go light.  My stack was perfect!

And it’s perfect for those days when the elements do not affect you!

Yes!  A good-weather day but I still managed to ruin the photo by holding the stack upside down!  Oops!  

So, that’s it ladies!  If you are looking for an all-in-one, get to SubtlBeauty and get yourself a stack (and this is not sponsored, I just love the products).

Before I go, here’s the brushes I use.  The Real Techniques brush on the left, Number 402 is great for blending the blush, concealer and highlighter.  The middle brush by iT cosmetics is great for the bronzer and the one on the right by eco tools is also good for applying the concealer!

I honestly can’t say enough about this pro-age, mature-skin friendly treasure!

Hope you are enjoying these late-summer days and nights!

Bonaparte and I enjoying an aperitif on the deck last night.  After a day at the beach, I was so tomato-red that I used the concealer and bronzer to tone things down and they worked beautifully!  TchinTchin to the sucess of this new company Subtl Beauty!  The stackables are just lovely!

If you would like to see a bit more about this, I uploaded a YouTube video on my channel earlier today.  Hope you enjoy it!

Posted in mature skin makeup, New makeup, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Mother-of-the-Bride Guide! You Might Need This One Day!

The wedding was two weeks ago and I’m still incredibly amazed at how quickly the time went.

The job that Oona and Sam did in planning their wedding was stellar. It was beautiful and gorgeous and one of the happiest days of my life.

These two!  What a spectacular job they did!

And, it was the first and only time in my life that I had the pleasurable experience of being the Mother-of-the-Bride.  Because of my experience I want to devote this blog post as a bit of a Mother=of-the-Bride Guide.  So here goes…

The official Mother-of-the-Bride Guide!  Brought to you by….ME!!

Your daughter just got engaged and you are over-the-moon thrilled.  You are the newest member of the MOTB club (or perhaps you are renewing your membership).  You are excited.  You are about to embark on an emotional roller-coaster.  And you have a lot spinning around in your mind.

Engaged July 2018__NYC!

Remember that….

This is about your daughter.  Not you: Most likely, this is the most difficult thought to process.  Trust me, I had feelings that this was my day.  But the fact of the matter is that all eyes will be on the Bride and not the bride’s mom.  Once you “get” this, it’ll be smooth sailing.

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Face it mommy.  You ARE gonna be ignored!  Let your daughter be the center of attention.  It’s only one day anway!

Date set?  Go and buy your dress.  Now!  Trust me the sooner you begin your search for the Mother-of-the-Bride dress, the better off you will be.  And you’ll be able to relax a bit.  The most daunting experience was finding that MOTB dress.  I do not lie to you when I tell you that the fashion industry has a stereotypical vision of how they think the MOTB should look.  This is wrong.  On all levels.

Why are Mother-of-the-Bride Dresses so Stinking Ugly?

Image result for atypical60 mother of the bride dress

Just wait.  Just wait till you start your search.  The fashion industry things that all MOTB dresses should be either dusty rose, or champagne, or taupe. And they think the dress should wear you.  And that the dress should be matronly….

Start looking outside the MOTB dress department.

I went with this simple, black Calvin Klein number.  A simple pearl choker and pearl earrings jewelry and a long wig completed the look!

Go simple.  No embellishments. You do not want to take any attention from your daughter.

If you are a stress-eater such as I am, don’t go for a tight-fitting dress. If you gain weight you will regret that tightness!

Simple lines.  Solid colors.  And when in doubt, black always looks great.

Get rid of the damned Spanx and other shapewear: Trust me you will thank me for this.  I purchased very tight shapewear. It was to hold my gut in because the dress I purchased for the rehearsal dinner was a bit snug due to the 15-pound weight gain.  I also figured it would be great insurance for my MOTB dress that I wore to the wedding.

No.  The Spanx or any shapewear will NOT make you look 30 pounds thinner..

It took approximately three minutes to stuff myself into this thing.  That also meant another five minutes to slide it down when going to the Ladies’ room.  Have you any idea how difficult it is to slide one of these things down your legs after being in heat and humidity?  And the longer one wears the shapewear, the better your chances are of having your lady parts become a living petri dish!

No!  Your body is NOT ready for the abuse of being stuffed and trussed into a tiny little bit of  Spandex.  It’s harmful and will prevent you from enjoying eating and going to the bathroom!

Let’s not even discuss our weakened bladders.  Do you understand?

The shapewear never made it to the wedding because the second I returned to our hotel room after the rehearsal party, I took a scissor, cut the casing down the middle, allowed my gut to fall into all it’s glorious flab and proceeded to throw the shapewear out.

I was smiling in this photo but it wasn’t long after this was taken I took the shapewear off.  FOREVER!!!

The objective is to enjoy the festivities.  If you are trussed and encased in shapewear, you will have a miserable time.  Any food you eat will not make it to your stomach.  Any drinks will bypass the food and go directly to your origin of the world and you’ll have to go to the bathroom. It’ll take a long time to do what you have to do and you’ll miss all the fun.

And when it comes down to it–you can’t tell anyway!!!!

Be comfortable!  Have fun.  To Hell with the shapewear!

Be like this guy!  Let your belly dance!

Zip it!  Keep your opinions to yourself:  Back when your daughter was a young girl, you were able to give your opinion just about everything.  Which friends you liked or didn’t.  The clothing she wore (because you paid for it). Hairstyles—and my rule of a chin-length-bob-with-bangs-until-you-are-able-to-style-your-own-hair was put into place for many years.

Yes. And when the girl was little, you COULD give her your opinion of her make-believe bride.  Wise up mom!  This is real life. Your daughter is adulting.  You no longer have an opinion!

Now your daughter is getting married.  It’s her wedding.  And the closer to the wedding, the more emotional everyone gets.  Keep your mouth shut.  Any suggestion or opinion will be interpreted by the bride-to-be as critical.  You will argue and if you are of the New York blood such as I am, things will get LOUD! You do not want this.

That’s the idea!  Have a glass of Rose’ and zip it!

If need be, excuse yourself.  Go to the bathroom.  Close the door.  Look in the mirror and whisper any opinion to yourself.  This is because you are the only person who will listen to you! You’re welcome!

And remember–an opinion, no matter how innocent it is, is a judgement!

Now, if you are asked for your opinion, smile, tilt your head to the side, shrug, nod, and excuse yourself to go to back to the bathroom.

Practice:  Nod, smile…

Tilt your head, shrug and run to the bathroom1

Help when needed and when asked:  You will be asked to help with little tasks.  This is the part that’s the most fun.  It brings you back to when your daughter (or basically all your kids) were needy. Remember those days?  I do!!  This is your time to shine and take charge.

I handled place card management,,

It was great occupational therapy and kept me quiet!

I also kept busy in the basement laundry room.  I did laundry and ironed clothing. And I was happy and my daughter was happier!

Yes. Take charge. There’s something magical when your daughter asks for help that puts you into complete mom mode!  Run with it.  Enjoy it.  It could be something as simple as alphabetizing place cards to doing a few loads of laundry or choosing where to eat.  Savor the moment!  Its what memories are made of!

Take advantage of the Make-Up Artist: Most modern brides have their makeup professionally applied. It’s the Instagram and social media generation. They want to look their best for photographs and I can’t blame them.  My daughter treated her bridesmaids and me to having our makeup done and it was great.

My makeup was incredibly natural. Just the way I love it. But it was airbrushed and simple. And this No-Makeup Look took quite a bit of time.  I loved it!

I know.  I know. You like the way you look and are afraid you will look like that streetwalker getting ready to strut the walk of shame.  It’s not gonna happen.

Another look in better lighting before I got dressed.  

Makeup artists know how to dress your face for the camera. They know that the makeup needs to stay put.  Getting my makeup done was the greatest thing and I’m forever grateful to my daughter for it.

Besides, it’s so relaxing to have someone pamper you and you’ll look supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Hair issues?  Get a wig! I’m adding this as an extra.  Let’s face it.  A good number of us have hair that hasn’t aged as well as the rest of us has!  You may have a case of thinning hair.  You may have lost hair. You may have very temperamental hair—the kind that misbehaves during the summer and you are a summer Mother-of-the-Bride.

The hair I traveled in and wore for every day out-and-abouts:  Enchantress by Mane Concept wigs.

My rehearsal dinner hair:  Avalon by Estetica Designs..

....and my MOTB Wedding hair was Alden by Estetica Designs!  I never even gave my hair a second thought!

Why stress and worry about your hair?  Get a wig.  You have plenty of time to research.  Go online and peruse wig sites.  Visit a wig store. Watch YouTube wig reviews.

Trust me, your hair is the last thing you want to fuss with and wigs are a wonderful way to have a fabulous hair day!

What’s in Your MOTB Purse?  You’ll want a purse that’ll hold the following:  Your phone because you’ll want to take photos (in between mingling, dancing and drinking). Lip balm or clear gloss.  Travel deodorant just in case.  Mints.  Tissues or a handkerchief. That’s all you’ll need.  If you take my advice and wear a wig you won’t even need to carry a comb.

A too-small purse won’t hold a damned thing.  One too large and you’ll look like you dressed up to go to the supermarket.  Keep it tasteful.

The perfect sized purse.  A clutch with a chain. It held everything I needed!

The shoes:  Summer wedding?  Strappy sandals always look fantastic.  Winter wedding? Pointy-toed kitten heels baring toe cleavage work wonders.  The point is that you’ll be wearing the shoes during the ceremony and for photographs. Once you hit the reception, get rid of the shoes and barefoot it!  This is all about comfort.  So, don’t forget to get a pedicure!

I multitasked these shoes. They were worn for the rehearsal and the wedding.  I can’t see traveling with too much stuff!

OVERALL—ENJOY!  You may be taking a backseat to the attention the bride is getting and that’s a great thing.  You can blend.  She’s an adult now and she has started her journey with her new partner.  They are a family now. They are a unit.  This is where you breathe in, shed a tear or twenty, look at your beautiful daughter and know you did a stellar job in raising her.  Now go.  Dance. Eat that cake. Drink that Gin & Tonic.  Let loose!  And have fun!

That’s right Mommy!  You raised a little girl who is now getting married.  You’ll go through ups and downs. But mostly ups. You’ll be stressed and nervous and happy at the same time. GO HAVE THAT GIN AND TONIC!  And enjoy yourself!

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Mother-of-the-Bride Chronicles. Wait! Did My Daughter Just Get Married?

Saturday.  July 20, 2019.  This is the day.  Oona and Sam become Mr. and Mrs.  A year of engagement and now…. it’s that day!

Today is the day!!  And I have the embroidered hanky that Oona’s Maid-of-Honor had made for me and Sam’s mom!

The wakeup call at 7:30 had me reaching for the glass that Bonaparte handed to me.  Although the beverages from the night before left me without a headache, I felt rather…….empty and needed the assistance of ol’ Speedy Alka Seltzer.

Thank you Speedy for relieving my aches *wink*!

Oona, the Bridesmaids and Yours Truly were to convene in Oona’s suite at 8:30 for hair and makeup.  Luckily because I merely have to plop a head of synthetic tresses on my noggin, I was able to show up a few minutes late.

Hmmm..hmmmm.  Breakfast fun before the makeup gets done!

It was fun to be among the girls and watching them, animated and giddy, was very entertaining for me. It made me realize what great friends Oona has and each of them were transformed into greater beauties than they naturally are.

Oh yes she is..and the champagne flowed freely!

 

The Bridal Bouquet arrives!

As do the flowers for the Bridesmaids and..

….the groomsmen

We all know who this is…

Our beautiful Bride!

With trepidation, I took my place in the chair and had my makeup done.  I’m not a fan of others doing my face but for this occasion, I chalked it up.  And oh, was I glad I did.  The foundation was airbrushed and I had never had airbrushed makeup.  It was great—just like a second skin and Sarah Cormier, the owner of Moxxie Makeup did a fantastic job. She was so thorough and aware of my “mature” skin.  She went light on the eyes and did a very natural look and I loved it so much.

Sarah did a stellar Mother-of-the-Bride look on me.  Not overdone and just perfect!

She used MAC’s  “Faux” lipstick on me and I’ve made note to buy it!  I LOVE the shade!

In the end, I opted to keep my hair down and the compliments I received on the Mother-of-the-Bride hair from my friends at Estetica Designs was a hit a!

Had I kept the shapewear the dress would have looked a bit smoother but I’ll take comfort and fun on the dancefloor rather than being a stuffed sausage!

But what she did to Oona and the girls was gorgeous!  Seriously, if you are ever in Cincinnati for an event and want your makeup done, give Moxxie Makeup a call!

My gift for photography really shines through–doesn’t it?

This was taken after the ceremony.  Um..some aren’t in chronological order!

Back to the suite.  Oona and Sam had a sitter come and entertain my neice Isis and Bonaparte’s granddaughter Sophie during the wedding.  A pre-wedding photo of the bride was in order!

Another example of my talentless photography skills but man, does Oona look gorgeous!

Photographs were taken before the wedding and Sam had what is called a “First Look”.  It’s what many young marrieds are doing these days. In case you aren’t aware, the first look is pre-arranged by the photographer where the groom and bride see each other for the first time in a more private setting.  It’s a pragmatic thing because thereafter, the bridal party takes photos and more time is free for them to enjoy the reception.

We convened in the lobby of the hotel shortly before the 6PM ceremony and then headed off to see my baby become a married woman.

Brothers-of-the-Bride off to see their baby sister get married!  Team Bro!

The ceremony was beautiful.  Strings were played as the party and bride walked up the aisle.  The Pastor was a great orator and within moments, Oona went from being Ms. Urbanski to being Mrs. Butts.

These young women from Cincinnati’s Conservatory of Music did a wonderful job! It was a great touch!

Flowers decorated the room..

Me and the boys!  I had to suppress my case of the giggles!

The groom waits for his future bride..

Time for the ceremony to begin..

The Pastor performs the vows

The veil is straightened..

First kiss as Mr. and Mrs.

The look of love..

Let’s party!

And after that it was such a blur! It was so much fun that I failed to take the photos I thought I would.

During the cocktail hour, more photos were taken..

 

I have no idea who took this photo but it is out of focus (as if I have the right to comment)

More out-of-focus pics (I may have taken this one. Oops!)

Trying to organize more family pics before the cocktail appetizers run out!

 

 

We were on the dance floor for hours.  My brothers and sisters and my family are such dancing animals that I do believe the only times we left the dance floor was to replenish hydration with “beverages” (Hey. Make mine a gin and tonic please!) and to stop and chat.

The food at the cocktail hour was fantastic!  In fact, my regret was while taking family photos with the Bride and Groom, I missed my chance for Goetta Fritters! Goetta is a kind of Scrapple food item that is popular in the Cincinnati area—or maybe the Midwest! But, since I trashed my shapewear from the night before, I still managed to be comfortable in the dress I wore!

Goetta fritters will have to wait till next time. Gotta Goetta fritter!

The dinner was incredible. Steak in a mushroom sauce, Asparagus cooked just right. Mashed Potato Rosette, Salad, cake that I never even tried because I was dancing so much and the cookies, I never took with me because I forgot about them!

Tables were set..

Why is it that I can’t take a decent photo of a human but I can take a great one of food?

The food was excellent and that floral touch only added to the elegance!

Fun at the dinner table. I really love my spray tan!

 

First dance…

 

A little announcement!

Jake and Julia ready for the dance floor…

Me and Oona’s bridesmaid Gin having a good ol’ time!

Roman and me and..

Me and Bonaparte showcasing a French smile!

In homage to my daughter’s new last name, I HAD to get the new Mrs. Butts and her girls to pose in this every bootylicious way!  BTW, that backdrop proved to be incredibly popular!

Strike a pose!

That’s me twerking my butt off. I have NO idea who filmed this but since I’m a giver, I’m sharing!

And after the reception, an after-party was held.  At this point, I was more about unwinding at the Hotel Bar and I met up with friends while the Frenchman headed upstairs to our room to sleep!

 

A more demure shot!

Sam and Oona were party animals. Before heading off to the after-party they stopped at the hotel bar to join some of us in a beverage!

Oona and her friend Megan. These two have been friends since aged 4.  They danced together in Irish Dance and Megan got engaged recently. Her mom who is one of my best friends has joined the Mother-of-the-Bride club.  Next summer…..

Off to a lifetime of teamwork!  They are such a great couple and I wish them every success.  I have a son-in-law!!!!!!!

It was five fun-filled days with a dash of drama, a splash of emotion, a bit of crazy and tons of great times.

I’ll never be the Mother-of-the-Bride again, but to my fellow women who are presently in the Mother-of-the-Bride club and for future Mothers-of-the-Bride, savor every moment.  Enjoy this time with your daughter as she heads off on her life journey.   Have fun getting all girly with the spray tan and the hair and makeup.  Be there to listen to your daughter (of which I could have done a better job).

Preview of a REAL photo.  The photographer, Rachel Spears.  Are you in Cincy?  Check her out. Her photos are beautiful and she’s incredibly talented!

And above all, keep your big mouth shut!  It’s her day. Not yours!

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Mother-of-The Bride Chronicles. On Friday We Keep Our Big Mother Mouths Shut!And Learn to Have Fun!!!!

Friday.  Tonight, we have the wedding rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and a Meet and Greet for out-of-town guests.

But first, let’s delve into the events of this busy day.

This is the day the remaining bridesmaids arrived.   Once again, it was an early wake-up call with no time to spare.

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Cock-a-doodle-do and time to wake up!  It’s the day before the wedding!

With a few bridesmaids in tow, we went to a local government office to pick up on of the ladies.  I was asked to slide low in the seat and remain out-of-sight due to my recent Twitter ban.  (One can only guess what it was about.  I shall not mention it here).  I complied.

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I’m in hiding…………..again!

Then it was on to the nail salon where the girls had mani-pedis.  Since I don’t trust anyone except Kim to do my nails, I had mine done before travelling to Cincinnati.

Girls just wanna have fun…and get the nails done!

And while the girls were having their nails done, I spotted a book store in the strip mall.  Oh, happy day!  I’m that person.  The one who can spend hours rummaging through book stores.  And this one was extra!  There was a vintage children’s/young adult section.  Honest to God, had I travelled with an actual suitcase rather than a carry-on, I would have purchased a good number of these books.

Do you remember Cherry Ames books?  I do and I blame her and Ben Casey along with Dr. Kildare for the start of my hypochondria!

This.  I almost bought it.  I LOVED Nancy Drew books and read this one and for old time’s sake wanted it!

Instead I purchased a journal, a few pens and a vintage cookbook!

Well, now there’s 5,000,000 and one copy in use!  There are quite a few gems in here!  And half price!  This was a great bookstore to rummage around in!

When all was done, the girls took an Uber downtown and Oona and I went on our way to run errands.  This is where it got ……difficult.

I should have NEVER opened my mouth!  It should have stayed shut like this!

NOTE:  If you are the Mother-of-the-Bride, please realize that even the most chill bride will be under stress the days leading up to the wedding.  If you are a rather…. emotional, high-strung, neurotic, anxiety-ridden, and bad-mom, Mother-of-the-Bride, you too, will be under stress.

This pretty-much describes a “moment” that Oona and I had! Ain’t gonna lie!

Now. There were many feelings going through my head. I’m not gonna lie.  The biggest feeling was guilt.  It was a very high guilt-ridden time for me because I could not afford to pay for her wedding.  And yes. I felt and still feel miserable about this.  I have deep-rooted issues that go way back and could go on for days about my emotional “conditions”.  But, at this time, I would rather nut not.

Bear with me on this.

I have a big mouth.  And I’m annoying AF.  Perhaps it’s the self-centeredness in me.  Perhaps it’s the “I’m-not-right-in-the-head” in me. Or perhaps it’s the fact that I don’t think before I speak.  Whatever it is, I kinda messed up a bit.

It happened with the cookies.

We went to Donna’s Gourmet Cookies to pick up the 20 dozen various cookies for wedding guests. It was an extra for guests to take with them on the way from the reception.

Ummmmm Ummmmm. I could throw down a dozen or so of these babies!

While there we picked up an “Ooey Gooey” cookie to split.  Let me tell you, this was beyond delicious and I could have used a pint of cold milk.  It made me want to take a dozen of the cookies out of one of the boxes and just gorge.  All was fine.  We enjoyed the sweetness and ooey goodness and went on our way.

And then I said something.

I didn’t think it would cause WW3 but it did.  I mentioned that since we would be dropping the cookies off at the venue, perhaps we should make a sign that read “Please Do Not Touch the Cookies. They Are for Tomorrow’s Wedding”

Understand this.  I’m a New Yorker.  Born and raised.  My dad was a NYC Cop.  I trust no one.  OK. I trust my kids and my husband.  Other than those four, I trust no one.  I can love someone and like someone but trust is another thing.

Let’s just say that when you are the Mother-of-the-Bride, you need to keep your opinions…any opinion to yourself.  Do not offer suggestions, do not comment unless you are asked.  You have no opinion.  Keep your mouth shut. Zip it. It is not your day. It is the day of the bride.  I only wish I had known this beforehand.

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Yeah. Uh Oh is right.  I need to learn to shut my yap in the future!

Words Yelling (mostly on my part) was exchanged, tears flowed and silence followed.

Our next stop was A.C. Moore to pick up a crochet hook.  Tony King, tailor extraordinaire, suggested getting a crochet hook to make hooking the bustle to the dress easier.  While the bride waited in the car, I went into the store to find the hook. That’s were I lost it and started to cry.  A lot!

Yes. If I could have crawled under a table or desk or anywhere and had a good cry with a bottle of wine, I would have.  I felt really bad.  Honestly, I wish I was one of those perfect and good and nurturing moms rather than the bad mom that I am!

Nobody likes to come to terms with their personality disorders and I realized at that moment, I’m not a great or even good example of a mom.  Somewhere down the line I lost my nurturing ways and I should have been more sensitive to Oona’s needs at this time.

Yup!  I’m this mom!  

The positive thing is that I can pass this information on to future Mothers-of-the-Bride so you don’t make the mistakes that I have!

Tony was spot on about using the crochet hook and as you can see, this is in the original package. I forgot to bring it to the reception.  But no worries, my longer acrylic nails worked perfectly to fasten the hook to the buttons on the bustle!

We drove back in silence, arrived back at the house and I was ready to call an Uber to take me to the hotel when Sam came in and made it right.  It took approximately thirty seconds to make up and things were once again, better and the anticipation of the wedding was at an all-time high!

And just like that we had a Gilmore Girls moment of hugging and smiling and getting back on track!

Arriving at the Westin, we unloaded and I checked in.  Honestly, I have to give both kudos and an “are-you-kidding-me?” to this Marriott chain brand.  The reservation was made in my husband’s name.  And so, when I checked in, I had to show proof of my being Mrs. Lartigue.  My driver’s license, with no thanks to the miserable State of Pennsylvania, still had my maiden name.  When I changed my name, I had to pay $38.00 and all I got was a lousy card with the name change that I had to keep with my license.  It ripped right at the new name. That money went down the drain. Now I need to carry my passport when traveling domestically.  I whipped out my passport and headed up to our room.  The husband wasn’t arriving for a few hours so I was the first to enter.

No complaints about our room. It was spacious and the bed was extremely comfortable!

The room was lovely and spacious; I unpacked and made my way to Oona’s suite.  It was magnificent.  We hugged, validated what time to be at the rehearsal and I went on my way to for a bit of rest.

Naturally, being nosy, I headed down to the lobby to catch any signs of friends or family and they were arriving in droves. It was great to see so many people that I hadn’t seen in a long time.  Bonaparte arrived and we headed upstairs.

At this point I was getting antsy and dressed for the dinner.

NOTE:  Do not.  I repeat—do not wear any super-tight body shapers such as Spanx or the like if you want to be relaxed and enjoy yourself.

This is the shapewear I bought.  Notice the model hasn’t an ounce of fat that needs to be sucked in.  I had 15 gained pounds to suck in (yes. I went from 140 to 155 in a matter of months from stress-eating) and couldn’t even breath.  Shapewear be damned!

I struggled getting my shapewear on.  How the eff did women manage to wear corsets and girdles in past decades?  My dress, a cute fitted number by Guess, was slightly loose months ago when I purchased it.  Due to stress-eating, it was now a bit tight but managed to still fit.  For a better fit I purchased a Flexee Body Shaper by Maidenform.  It was It difficult to maneuver—especially over my thighs.  I had to grab my fat and stuff it into this chastity-belt like mass of too-tight fabric in order to look good.  Once it was on, and the dress over it, I didn’t see much of a difference but the struggle to take it back off would be too much while I was sober.  My spray tan now had a faint hue of purple due to the fact my circulation was cut off.

Shit!  When I tried this dress on in the store it was when I weighed 15 pounds less and hadn’t worn shapewear.  Oh well.  It is what it is!

It was now time to head to the rehearsal.

Everything was all set up (and I didn’t DARE ask where the cookies were!)

Place cards that I cut and prepared were at the ready!

And final preparations were put into place..

Emotions returned. But this time, they were bittersweet. Oona was gorgeous.  She wore a white off-the-shoulder dress and for the first time ever, I saw her as the woman she is—not as my baby girl. And I wondered just where the past 29 years have gone.

Oona and her bridesmaids…

A hug between friends.

Rehearsing for the big day!

The future Mr. and Mrs.!

When the rehearsal was done it was off to the dinner at NADA, a high-end Mexican restaurant.  And wow!  The food was great!  Best Gazpacho I ever had and I want that recipe.  Badly.

Nada. If you are in Cincinnati–check this downtown Mexican eatery out. You won’t be disappointed!!!!

Best Gazpacho ever!

The salmon tacos are off the charts greatness.  Did I mention I have 15 pounds to lose?

 

I got a photo of Roman and Sam’s grandfather, Jack.  Jack is the man!!!  He is so much fun—he should have been at the Reds game the night before!

Roman and Jack kickin’ it up at Nada!

Folks.  My apologies but this is where the photos for the evening ends.  We went to another place after the dinner for a “Meet and Greet” for family and friends.  I partook in quite a few delicious beverages that were not soda nor water.  I had five Bourbon Sours and random glasses of wine that I stole from empty tables.  Yes. I played high school.

Yeah. Mommy had five of these…and random glasses of wine that I took from empty tables.

I wasn’t really wasted—just happy.  Afterwards some of us decided to go to a Karaoke bar but on the way, Bonaparte diverted me back to the hotel and the only singing I did was Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer”. On the streets of downtown Cincinnati with my sister.

I’m not wasted!  I’m just happy!

Needless to say, when I got back to the hotel room, I had incredible heartburn and threw up.  I felt much better and fell asleep to dreams and visions of the next day!

I also threw the body shaper into the trash!

Stay tuned for the final installment–The Wedding!

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Mother-of-the-Bride Chronicles. On Thursday We Tan and Play Ball!

Thursday was a busy day.  Incredibly busy and lots of activity.

Our morning began back on the porch and this time to welcome a sunny and bright day.  I have to tell you though—it’s hot as balls in Cincinnati.  Here in the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic States we have the ocean which is pretty-much close by.  But Ohio is landlocked and the head doesn’t move.

Blue skies and a view from the porch__early in the morning!

Luckily, I am not bothered by the summer heat; yesterday’s rain storms did nothing to alleviate the temperature.

Yeah. I’m not TOO bothered by the heat! Besides, I can be like Wendy and wipe the sweat with my synthetic wig hair!

We had plans.

Oona has been making the same “thinking” face ever since she was in grade school! I’m sure she was thinking that mother-of-the-bride is a pain-in-the-ass!

Oona went for a wax after our morning coffee, then we hit Starbucks for icy refreshments.

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Yeah. Iced Coffee washed down with cold water!  I drank a LOT of water!

Next stop—spray tans.  Oh, and did I ever need one.  The back of my legs was looking rather fish-belly white.  Our bodies were tanned at Alba Organic Spa which was a really cute place.  The woman who sprayed us knew her stuff!  We both walked out with a nice caramel hue that looked almost good enough to eat!

The price was excellent and far less expensive than in the Philly area!  

I’m telling you though. It was so stinkin’ hot outside that I feared my sweat would wash the color right off.  But it didn’t!

Luckily the tans stayed in tact.  But it WAS hot like this!

We made a pit stop at Walmart to pick up a few items.  Naturally, I forgot a razor and the funny thing is, I lost the hair on my head but the hair on my legs is never on vacation.  I didn’t want to walk around with Oona looking like the missing link.  Tony King, tailor extraordinaire, suggested purchasing Gold Bond powder spray. Apparently, this stuff is greatness for spraying cervices and other body parts that could get a bit funky when wearing long dresses.  I don’t need to elaborate further on that one!

I gotta get me some more of this.  It’s not just for the man’s family jewels!

Next stop was lunch at Incline Public House.  The views from this restaurant are eye-popping.  Due to the haze, the view wasn’t as spectacular as on a clear autumn or spring day, but it was good enough for me.  Roman arrived from New York and he and Sam met us on the outdoor patio.

A view from the outdoor eating area.  It goes on forever!

Yes.  We ate outdoors and at this point it didn’t matter because I figured the sweat factor would most likely help me to shed an ounce or two.

The lunch menu offers quite the choices.  The fun part was enjoying a weekday lunch with the kids (and now I have one more!)

Again, another fine meal in Cincy.  We started off with what are probably the best onion rings in the universe.  I almost slapped Roman and Sam for eating too many because they were digging into my gluttony!

A focused attempt to eat healthier.  This salad hit the spot…

And another plate of crispy brussels sprouts.  I can’t get enough of these things!!

I can’t even begin to tell you how heavenly these onion rings were.  Crunchy on the outside, thick and sweet onions on the inside.  And our server, Brendan, was the greatest!

We kept hydrated with plenty of water and unsweetened iced tea!

After lunch I was feeling rather frisky.  Since Bonaparte hadn’t arrived yet, I flirted with this guy! 

A few more errands and back to the house to relax a bit before heading out to The Great American Ball Park to see the Cincinnati Reds. We chowed down on ice cream!

And when I say “relax” I REALLY mean wolfing down Graeter’s Chunky Chunky Hippo Ice cream!  Oh. Oona and Sam had other flavors but Graeter’s had me at Hippo!  It’s named after Fiona the Hippo, Cincinnati’s celebrity Zoo attraction!

Before I continue, please allow me to explain that I come from a big-time baseball family.  My nephew Matt played on the farm team for the KC Royals until an injury prevented him from a baseball career.  Both of my brothers went to college on baseball scholarships and had my son Jake not torn a rotator cuff, who knows where baseball could have taken him

There’s nothing like a summer afternoon or evening at a ball park.

And the great thing about this ball park, the tickets are dirt cheap compared to New York, Philly and Boston!

It doesn’t even matter who’s playing.  Any ball game is worth going to.  And on this evening we attended a game at Great American Ball Park.

Great American Ball Park is one of the nicest parks I’ve been to.  If I was a local, I would catch a game at least once a week!

Sam, Oona, Roman and I enjoyed beverages while waiting for friends and family to arrive!

And so, Oona and Sam purchased a bunch of tickets and we took up three rows.

Twelve bucks for a MLB game. This is the best thing ever!  Too bad St. Louis won!

Between my brothers, their families, my fabulous Aunt Terry, my sons (one of whom arrived late from a flight from L.A.), Oona and Sam and a couple of bridesmaids and a boyfriend. Now, originally Jake’s girlfriend was supposed to attend the game but her flight was delayed from LaGuardia. Or was it Newark?  Jake ended up arriving before her and hence—we had a nice surprise.

I don’t know what my brother Tom is pointing at but Oona and my sister-in-law Beth are in deep conversation!

Roman and my brother Pete most likely discussing the greatness of Skyline Chili dogs!  Sitting behind my brother Pete was a real treat because I got to partake in sampling the food he bought!

My sister-in-law Yanela is such a trooper. She had foot surgery and had one of those heavy boots on. Still, she’s always happy. It was so good to see her!

My niece Isis, my nephew Logan and focusing on the game is my nephew Liam!  SOMEONE had to watch the game!

Oona’s maid-of-honor and her boyfriend. Aren’t they a cute couple?

It was also Bobblehead night.  Bobblehead baseball players were given out.  Don’t ask me who they were, but I wanted one for my car.  Just my luck, as soon as I got to the front of the line, they ran out. At least my niece and nephews were lucky.

I can’t remember which bobblehead was given out but I was so disappointed I didn’t get one!  Maybe next time….

Ever fashionable, I wore a red dress to the game to show my respect for the Cincinnati Reds.  I think half my tan washed off on the dress.  But the good thing is my hair never frizzed because my hair was synthetic.  Surprisingly, my head didn’t overheat, it was my lady parts area that ended up a sweaty mess!

My tan was taking effect and my hair looked so natural! I only wish that Bonaparte enjoyed baseball.  It was such a memorable evening because I hadn’t been to a baseball game in a long, long time!

Some chatting–actually a LOT of chatting and then back to Sam and Oona’s.  The game was long and we arrived back home a little after midnight.

Hanging out after the game….

This magnificent bridge is the John A. Roebling Suspension Bridge or known as the Cincinnati/Covington Bridge.  It was made known to me that the Brooklyn Bridge was modeled after this one.  They are practically twins!

After a long and busy day, we would be blessed with a good night’s sleep because the next day was the rehearsal.  And I’ve got a lot to share about that so stay tuned for Part Three!

Now it’s time to say goodnight!  The rehearsal is tomorrow!!!

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