Alright. I’ll admit, I’m a bit hungover today. A bit too much of the bubbly on a week night and some Côtes de Provence does not a chipper gal make in the morning! But I had my moments of pity last night. I got fired from a job, so I got lit on the bubbly!
On a Tuesday night? Well, only when one loses her job….
..and I put quite a dent in this too!
It was great to whine to Bonaparte too! I found out that he is actually happy that I got fired. He wasn’t happy with the establishment and never felt comfortable with my working there.
My daughter, Oona, called and was a huge comfort to me. She works for an incredibly large corporation. She explained that in the truly professional world, it takes time to learn the ins and outs of the sale. She reiterated that it can take months to perfect and feel comfortable in the sales area. She so said that she will be looking out for positions for me.
So, I may have been tipsy, but I started to feel much better.
This morning I was able to once again, enjoy my morning cup of coffee in bed rather than at my makeup desk! But when Bonaparte and I hit the grocery store a bit later, I got a little weepy. That’s gonna happen, and it’ll be ok.
Cleaning and organizing made me feel better and more purposeful.
Ain’t nothin’ like a clean bathroom counter!
Chippy isn’t leaving my side.
Chippy’s been on the floor, at my side for the past 24 hours!
My girlfriend Mary Beth and I have made lunch plans for next week.
No school lunch for us! We’ll be having a long mommy meal!
My girlfriend Becky has given me a lead on a job in Philly.
I faked-tanned my legs.
I need a pedicure, but can you see the line of fake tan demarcation? It’s perfect!
And I also decided to list my rules to live by. My personal version of The Ten Eleven Commandments.
Moses, honey, ya left one out–it’s OK, I added the Eleventh!
1. Be true to yourself.
(I am who I am and won’t ever change for anyone! What you see is what you get. Don’t like it? Move on).
This is who I am (without foundation, might I add), and I cannot will NOT change!
2. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
(This is the one rule I taught my kids and have lived my life this way. Sometimes it can be hard, but for the most part, it’s an easy rule to go by. I always try to be kind and just generally nice to people. We’re on this earth for a short time so we can at least be nice to each other).
3. Dream and dream big. But try not to be delusional.
(I’m a dreamer. No doubt about it—and I sometimes get lost in my dreams. And sometimes I cross over the boundary from dream to delusion. Oh yes! I need to realize that I will never become the female version of Anthony Bourdain, nor will Bourdain call me up and ask me to work and write for him.
Delusion Number One: Tony Bourdain does NOT want you to work and write for him. Not now. Not ever. Never!
I also need to realize that Debi Mazur will NOT bump into me when I’m in Brookyn and say “Oh, will you be my best friend?”.
Delusion Number Two: Debi Mazur will never want to be my bestie. If I stalk her, she will personally kick the living shit outta me. Oh–and she can, and she will!
Un unh. In addition, when I’m in Paris, I need to stop stalking hunting down Ina “Barefoot Contessa” Garten and her husband Jeffrey. They will NOT accept my dinner invitation to join us at the apartment. She will run away calling after the gendarmes to lock me up in jail.
Ina and Jeffrey live in the same area that we stay in. I cover the Sixth in search of her. I will end up in French jail if I stalk her–but maybe she can bring me a meal!
Speaking of my Paris delusions, I will not meet Christian Clavier at Bonaparte’s Aunt’s “Zazi Films” office. Clavier will not ask me to play his well-rounded, cross-eyed, funny-as-hell American wife in his pretend movie about a Frenchman who meets a zany American woman and marries her. I have lots more dreams into delusions, but I’ll stop for now)
Bonaparte’s aunt, Daniele, will have me booted out of the office if I don’t behave…..
…and Christian Clavier looks like he’s already had enough of me. Oops! I’ll just go back to dreaming!
4. Like, love and enjoy many. Trust few.
( Yup. I DO like a lot of people. As bad as they can be, I do try to dig through the layers to find the good in people. I need help in the trust department.
Can’t help it–I love lots of people!
My ability to be too trustworthy has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past. A LOT!
I need to be less trustworthy…but not too much less!
Seriously, I’ve been like that all my life. You know the senior superlatives in high school? Well, I got “most gullible girl” AND “dizzy dame”. Yeah. I need to work on that. At 60!)
5. Accept people for who they are.
(You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Nor can you teach someone to change who they are. Acceptance is beautiful. Why, I even accept the evil, fake Christian, hypocritical, gay-hating, bigoted Duggar family. I accept them for what they are—total shitbags!)
Well, maybe you CAN teach an old dog new tricks! But you need to accept people as they are! Even the bad and evil ones!
6. Always wear nice underwear—especially whilst traveling.
(My mother, God rest her soul, brainwashed, ingrained this into my head at an early age. I swear the ONE time I had holey panties and a stretched out bra on, I suffered a bathroom accident. Yes. I ended up having a bunch of stitches in my head AND my bottom lip sewn back together! The ambulance crew came to bring me to the hospital and I was mortified that my underwear was so disgusting! I learned my lesson. And when I travel I ALWAYS wear pretty matching bras and panties. Really! If I get into a horrific accident and my body is cut in half, the recue people will be able to piece my top half to my bottom half by matching my pretty underwear!)
The belly and thighs may runneth over as well as my cups, but I’m still going to wear the pretty underwear–just in case!
7. Never covet your friend’s Louboutin’s or Louis Vuitton Bags.
(Don’t hate on your friends if they have something you want and cannot afford. It isn’t nice and isn’t worth being jealous over. Instead, pray that you wear the same shoe size and may be able to borrow those shoes for a fancy event. Same thing with Louis. Save your dollars—but whatever you do, DON’T buy a fake—and don’t buy a Michael Kors rip-off of the LV “Neverfull” bag. It’s tacky and Kors is the biggest copycat designer of all time. It’s wrong. Instead, check out Nat & Nin bags. Click on the link below! I’m a fan and treat myself to Nat & Nin when I’m in France!
The Nat & Nin bags are made of soft leather and are a bargain in France compared to LV. Besides, nobody else here in the States except a few who are familiar with Nat & Nin, will be using one. You will be tres cool!)
Don’t be hating on a friend who has one of these LV bags. Save up for the little one…
But hope your bestie owns a pair of Loub’s. And hope you are the same shoe size. And hope she lets you borrow them!
8. Love yourself.
( I’m not talking in porno or dirty way. I’m talking in a respectful way. If you don’t love yourself nobody else will. It’s easy to get down on yourself and think “Oh, I’m a loser, blah, blah”, but it will only make you miserable and will make everyone around you miserable. Realize you are the best you that you can be, accept your flaws and faults. Look into your soul and see how beautiful you really are!)
9. Laugh at yourself—at least once a day.
(This is very important. It seems that everyone these days is so easily offended and that political correctness rules. Screw that shit! If someone “craics” an Irish joke, I can laugh at it. If I’m having an “especially extreme cross-eyed day”, I’ll laugh it off because I’m doubling my pleasure by seeing two of everything! I’ll even laugh at my own jokes—mostly because I’m the only one who thinks they’re funny…)
Laugh at your jokes or laugh at yourself when you make a funny face! Hmmmm. Maybe I laugh a lot because I always look funny! Hahahahahahaha!
10. Keep Away From Negative People.
( The people who are in a constant state of negativity are those whom I need to steer clear of. People who bitch and complain about everything under the sun. No restaurant is good enough for them. Instead of focusing on good personality traits in others, they focus on the bad. Their way is better—your way is just wrong. Ugh. I cannot allow others to drag me down in the mud with them!)
Smile!
(Smiles are infectious! Even on a bad day or after a bad cry, a bit of a smile always brightens up the old spirits!)
Smile! I love you!
That’s it! Feel free to add your own rules to live by and we can make the world a better and happier place!
XOXOXOXOXO!
I know it’s cliché, but I must add this catchy song today! “Happy” by Pharell!
