It started out innocently enough.
As innocent as a child playing Ring Around the Rosey!
I was thinking back to when I was in my early twenties—before I left home and went out on my own. I wanted to pierce my nose.
Me in my early twenties pondering getting a nose ring–I even thought about it on the subway!
There were two things stopping me. My mother and father. And my dad was a police officer.
The fact is, I’ve never been in trouble with the law—unless you count my dad.
Now understand; I wasn’t a wild child. In fact, I was uncommonly obedient. My mother’s wooden spoons kept me in line!
My mother didn’t want to ruin her manicured hands so she used these to keep us in line. And she used a lot of these!
OK…. maybe I did a few things that were wild like sneaking out of the house and drinking Boones Farm with friends at 15 years old—a few years before legal drinking age.
That’s right! I loved to have a good time without being too wild! Tee hee!
And having a pierced nose was my theoretic way of rebelling.
All I’ve ever wanted was a nose ring. I think they look great!
That rebellion was placed on the back burner.
And as a mother to young children, I had no time to think about piercing my nose. I was lucky if I had the time to insert earrings into my small pierced hole in each ear.
But as I got older—perhaps it’s a bit of a mid-life crisis of sorts. My mind wandered back to that elusive nose piercing.
It’s true. Even in my mature age, my delusions had me yearning to be the cool girl—or old broad! I’ll take either.
See–even Willy Wonka knows a good thing when he sees it!
I wanted to be like Debra Rapoport and Sarah Jane Adams. They are two cool mature ladies.
Debra Rapoport and Sarah Jane Adams of The Advanced Style movement. They are the two cool girls of the proaging set! I wanna be cool like them–in my own way!
But the thing is—my style is more on the classic to almost conservative-with-an-edge sort.
We all know my style is more basic–but fun!!!
Even in my choice of wigs, I won’t stray far. Burgundy and blonde tresses are a stretch for me! Purple, pink and other bright colors just aren’t for me.
My chocolate cherry wig. A big stretch for me and it was a gift from my husband!
Tattoos aren’t my thing either. My skin is too flabby.
The nose ring, in my humble opinion is a very pragmatic choice of female mid-life crisis!
The thing is—Bonaparte hates nose rings. We’ve discussed this topic many times and it’s the same old song:
“Non!” “Ou wheehl nut ‘av yuhr noz pierzt!” “Wha’ ahr ou?” “Eh tin-aghar?” “Jamais! Jamais! Jamais!!”
In other words—“No. You will not have your nose pierced. What are you? A teenager? Never! Never! Never!
He gets just sooooooooo worked up at the mere mention of my getting my nose pierced!
And with a sigh, and a huff, and an eyeroll, I just walk away. And realize that adulting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be when you want to have fun!
Sometimes adulting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be–especially when you live with a very adult adult! I oftentimes find myself in this very situation!
My daughter, Oona, pierced her nose when she was a college co-ed. She claims that I cried and I can assure you I cried out of envy. Two weeks later she had a sorority formal and took the stud out of her nose. Permanently.
Spoiler Alert!! This is an actual text conversation between Oona and me. It’s a spoiler for the rest of the post but please…read on! This was texted to me after an Instagam post I made.
And as you know, there’s always a solution to any problem. I’m a regular Mary Poppins when it comes to that!
I channeled my original Mary Poppins! I had to give mysef a hand!
My solution was to buy a fake nose ring! I mean, I have fake hair, fake nails and sport fake-tanned legs throughout the year. Why not buy a fake nose ring?
And one night, as I sat at my laptop perusing Amazon. I found what I was looking for! It was beautiful. A tiny fake gold nose ring.
I’m more of a gold and silver girl but here’s a sampling of what one can purchase from Amazon!
I had it all figured out. I could insert the little ring in my nose as soon as Bonaparte left for work. Then the moment my car drove into the driveway in the evening, I could take the ring out and slip it in my wallet. And Bonaparte would never find out.
Things didn’t go quite as planned though. The day after my nose ring arrived, I slipped it into my nose. Everyone at work loved it. My Instagram post got plenty of raves! I was feelin’ the cool!
Yes. I did! I wore that fake nose ring and felt so great…especially since it was such a contrast to the way I was dressed…
Preppy pink corduroy pants, paisly print fats from J. Crew a navy top with pearls. A bobbed wig and a nose ring! I live for this contrast!
But the nose ring was so lightweight that I forgot I had it on my nose. And when I arrived home from work, I took off my coat, headed upstairs and Bonaparte, the loving Frenchman greeted me! And then he asked me to come closer to him.
Oops! I did it again!
Me, being me, thought he was so excited to see me that he wanted to kiss me. Except he didn’t. And let me tell you, for an old Frenchman, he has the eyesight of a ten-year old!
“Wha eez zaht een ou nose?”
And that was the beginning of the end. I turned around quickly to run upstairs but I felt to warm hands on my shoulders. Those hands turned me around to face him. And the look of shock on his face was enough to make me realize he thought I pierced my nose! I was so happy that he thought it was real. It meant the fake nose ring looked real!
Only in my case it’s my husband!
Like a proud child showing a parent a paper that was graded with an A+, I pointed to my nose ring and gleefully announced it was fake!
What happened next shocked me. He confiscated my ring! And in my efforts to explain that he could not, must not, throw my nose ring away, he simply ran upstairs and hid it!
He took my nose ring out of my nose!!!! And hid it!!!
So much for my mid-life crisis. I’m not allowed to have one!
Bonaparte thinks I’m too old for a pierced nose. I don’t. But we came to an agreement.
Our life is the French version of “I Love Lucy”–but it’s more fun with Bonaparte!
I’ll wear the nose ring when I’m out and about by myself or when I’m not with him.
Yeah. I can wear this when I get my nails done and run to the gas station and Starbucks! That’s about it!
And for now, that’s fine with me because I pretty-much wear and do what I want. And if the nose ring bothers my husband that much, I won’t wear it in front of him. It’s called compromise.
I finally achieved my level of coolness–but it’s only for a certain amount of time!
Besides…. I have a few more hidden in my private hiding spot!
That’s right Bonaparte! Join le club because I’ll eventually get my way!
Have you gone through any mid-life crisis in your pro-age? Have you rebelled as a mature adult? Let’s hear it ladies! Let’s hear it!