Having had two back-to-back doctor appointments in the past two weeks, I walked away feeling relieved my health is fine. But I felt almost even better when the two doctors, both women made remarks about “being too hard on yourself”.
Seriously. Going to the doctor is about the only thing I do to take care of myself!
I’ll explain. At the OB/GYN, we were talking about my health in general. My weight has gone up, as you well know, over the past year. Between my brother’s passing, the pandemic, and an incredibly stressful job, I ate. And ate. And ate.
I ate my stress away—or so I thought because I really didn’t.
I ate my grief away—or so I thought because I really didn’t.
I ate my depression away—or so I thought because I really didn’t.
But while doing so, I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed every last morsel I shoved into my mouth like meat into a sausage casing!
That’s me. Shoving every last morsel into my mouth. Shamelessly!
The aftermath is now my fluctuating weight teetering between 162 and 165 pounds. There’s more of me to love!
Yessirree! There’s lots more of me to love! Only I hate it and Bonaparte loves it!
But back to the doctors.
We, my gynecologist and I, were discussing the effects of the past year and how difficult it has been to try to lose at the least even five pounds. Her advice?
I must admit. My gyno rocks and she gives great advice!
“Don’t be so hard on yourself”. “The Holidays are coming—just enjoy and focus on losing the weight after the New Year”.
When I left her office, I felt slightly better about myself. It’s a challenge to stand there naked with one of those dopey gowns that tie in front. I felt my fluffy bits on display and I was ashamed that I was too weak to have will power. But she made it okay.
BTW, as I write this, I’m preparing escargot for tonight’s starter to our dinner. Little snails stuffed into shells and nestled between garlicky butter. Yeah. I’m doing very well!
Well…we DID have to cancel dinner reservations due to another PA Lockdown–and the husband was sad …and I keep a couple of cans of snails in the pantry just in case…so..I did make these. And they were spectacular!
Onto the next doctor’s visit.
Thursday, I had my skin check with my dermatologist. I’m a fan of hers. Again, another great woman doctor. So, she asked me how I was doing and I mentioned the weight gain.
And might I add that my dermatologist works a hellalot harder than this pic. I’ve got tons of freckles and bits all over my body! She earns her salary on me!
I was wearing nice matching underwear. A cute pair of purple bikini panties and a Natori Feathers Bra in the same color. Hey. At least I get to wear something while having my skin checked! I went on to tell her how gross I felt and I then grabbed the huge flappy mount of flesh that is better known as my belly, cupped it two hands so that the fat just overflowed like bubbles from an over-excited washing machine, and asked the following question:
This is EXACTLY what I did to my dermatologist. Only MY belly fat was enormous!
“Is there any chance I can sell my belly fat to the burn unit at Jefferson Hospital in Philly?” “Hell, I’ll even donate it”
And after a Mona Lisa grin and an eye roll, she said “Why are women so hard on themselves?” “Men come in here as though they own the world and never say anything negative about their bodies.’ “But women are always making negative remarks about themselves”. “We need to stop”
It’s true. We need to stop it. We need to STOP being so hard on ourselves!
She then complimented me on the clothes I wear to every appointment and told me I always look great.
When I left her office, I felt wonderful. Not just because I had an excellent skin check, but because her words were so true.
Why can’t we women be more positive about ourselves?
Yes! We BETTER be good to ourselves! Simply because if we aren’t–others won’t be!
And it’s funny because I’m a generally positive person. I love my life outside of work. I love my husband and my kids. I love Chippy. I’ve got a wonderful home. I’ve got my health. I haven’t hit any deer yet this season. My eyesight is better than ever due to the cataract surgery.
Okay. So perhapy Chippy loves me only because I’m constantly bribing him with special treats. I think his look of love is for the biscuit rather than for me!
But yet, I’m hard on myself. I’m hard on myself at work and in my weight. Those two things.
And so, I’m making an effort for the remainder of the year to not be so hard on myself. I’ll focus on the weight loss after the holidays.
I’ll continue to wear my “fat” clothes—and by that, I mean my clothing with stretch. Those clothes make me feel good. The clothing that no longer fits is stored away in the garage. They may come out next Fall and they may not. The summer clothing that is packed away might be unpacked come Spring—and might not.
This skirt from J. Crew Factory has an elastized waist band. PERFECT for that weight gain and the skirt looks great!
Also from J. Crew Factory is this soft sweater dress. It’s cut on the larger side and feels like a nightgown. This is a great dress for a Holiday meal!
My go-to’s these days are either black stretch pants or leggings and a sweater. I’m more round but the clothing with stretch is more body-friendly!
I’m pretty sure I wrote about these pants in a past post. I sized up and made the great sale purchase at J. Crew. Jeans haven’t been worn due to the gain but these have a marvelous amount of stretch and I love the leopart pattern!
Ladies. It’s time for some self-love. No—I’m not talking about being vain or conceited or narcissistic. I’m talking about a genuine love for yourself. And plain liking yourself!
And despite the satin ribbon for hanging this shirt up and my ittle fang I’m pulling a Sally Field, looking at myself and saying to my reflection “You like me. You really LIKE me!”
This pandemic has taken quite the toll with most of us. It can be hard to comply. We can become stir-crazy. We had to cancel our plans to visit Oona and Sam over Christmas. Bonaparte is especially disappointed because he wanted to see their new home.
I’m gonna miss seeing these two kids over Christmas. It’s heartbreaking for me because I wanted to be inappropriate with my pregnant daughter but next time I see her, she’ll be a mommy!!
I wanted to rest my hands upon Oona’s expanding belly and inappropriately comment on the size of her huge titties. It seems to me there’s an awful lot of milk in them thar mountains! But most of all, I wanted to take care of my baby. I wanted to do laundry. And cook (much to her delight I won’t be there to make a mess). And just be there for her and I cannot. And it isn’t my fault. I’m not being weak by opting out of a Christmas visit. I’m caring for my daughter, her husband and her baby boy. I’m caring for the health of myself and husband by not traveling in a crowded airport.
It’s true. Cancelling a trip due to health concerns isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s empowering and shows strenght because you are protecting others as well as yourself!
Instead, we will drive to New York to pick Roman up and bring him here for Christmas as he has a week off. Christmas dinner will be me, Bonaparte, Roman, Bonaparte’s daughter, husband and daughter. And they all have to be COVID-19-tested beforehand if they are coming into my home.
Is that being mean? Certainly not! It is being kind to my husband and me. It is showing that we care about our health (and yes. I’m getting tested too) and that we love ourselves.
So, this holiday season and beyond, love yourself. Do yourself a favor and go easy on you! In order to love others, you need to love yourself.
And remember, loving yourself means never having to say you’re sorry to yourself!
……to yourself!!!!