Love (of Self) Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry (to Yourself)

Having had two back-to-back doctor appointments in the past two weeks, I walked away feeling relieved my health is fine.  But I felt almost even better when the two doctors, both women made remarks about “being too hard on yourself”.

go see a doctor

Seriously.  Going to the doctor is about the only thing I do to take care of myself!

I’ll explain.  At the OB/GYN, we were talking about my health in general.  My weight has gone up, as you well know, over the past year.  Between my brother’s passing, the pandemic, and an incredibly stressful job, I ate. And ate. And ate.

I ate my stress away—or so I thought because I really didn’t.

I ate my grief away—or so I thought because I really didn’t.

I ate my depression away—or so I thought because I really didn’t.

But while doing so, I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed every last morsel I shoved into my mouth like meat into a sausage casing!

Tina Fey Sheet Cake GIF by Reactions | Gfycat

That’s me. Shoving every last morsel into my mouth. Shamelessly!

The aftermath is now my fluctuating weight teetering between 162 and 165 pounds.  There’s more of me to love!

Yessirree!  There’s lots more of me to love! Only I hate it and Bonaparte loves it!

But back to the doctors.

We, my gynecologist and I, were discussing the effects of the past year and how difficult it has been to try to lose at the least even five pounds.  Her advice?

I must admit. My gyno rocks and she gives great advice!

“Don’t be so hard on yourself”.  “The Holidays are coming—just enjoy and focus on losing the weight after the New Year”.

When I left her office, I felt slightly better about myself.  It’s a challenge to stand there naked with one of those dopey gowns that tie in front.  I felt my fluffy bits on display and I was ashamed that I was too weak to have will power.  But she made it okay.

BTW, as I write this, I’m preparing escargot for tonight’s starter to our dinner.  Little snails stuffed into shells and nestled between garlicky butter.  Yeah. I’m doing very well!

Well…we DID have to cancel dinner reservations due to another PA Lockdown–and the husband was sad …and I keep a couple of cans of snails in the pantry just in case…so..I did make these. And they were spectacular!

Onto the next doctor’s visit.

Thursday, I had my skin check with my dermatologist.  I’m a fan of hers. Again, another great woman doctor.  So, she asked me how I was doing and I mentioned the weight gain.

What is a Dermatologist? What They Do, Conditions Treated, Procedures

And might I add that my dermatologist works a hellalot harder than this pic. I’ve got tons of freckles and bits all over my body!  She earns her salary on me!

I was wearing nice matching underwear.  A cute pair of purple bikini panties and a Natori Feathers Bra in the same color.  Hey. At least I get to wear something while having my skin checked!  I went on to tell her how gross I felt and I then grabbed the huge flappy mount of flesh that is better known as my belly, cupped it two hands so that the fat just overflowed like bubbles from an over-excited washing machine, and asked the following question:

This is EXACTLY what I did to my dermatologist. Only MY belly fat was enormous!

“Is there any chance I can sell my belly fat to the burn unit at Jefferson Hospital in Philly?” “Hell, I’ll even donate it”

And after a Mona Lisa grin and an eye roll, she said “Why are women so hard on themselves?”  “Men come in here as though they own the world and never say anything negative about their bodies.’  “But women are always making negative remarks about themselves”.  “We need to stop”

It’s true. We need to stop it. We need to STOP being so hard on ourselves!

She then complimented me on the clothes I wear to every appointment and told me I always look great.

When I left her office, I felt wonderful. Not just because I had an excellent skin check, but because her words were so true.

Why can’t we women be more positive about ourselves?

Scolding Do It GIF by MOODMAN

Yes! We BETTER be good to ourselves!  Simply because if we aren’t–others won’t be!

And it’s funny because I’m a generally positive person.  I love my life outside of work. I love my husband and my kids.  I love Chippy. I’ve got a wonderful home.  I’ve got my health.  I haven’t hit any deer yet this season.  My eyesight is better than ever due to the cataract surgery.

Okay. So perhapy Chippy loves me only because I’m constantly bribing him with special treats. I think his look of love is for the biscuit rather than for me!

But yet, I’m hard on myself.  I’m hard on myself at work and in my weight.  Those two things.

And so, I’m making an effort for the remainder of the year to not be so hard on myself.  I’ll focus on the weight loss after the holidays.

I’ll continue to wear my “fat” clothes—and by that, I mean my clothing with stretch.  Those clothes make me feel good.  The clothing that no longer fits is stored away in the garage.  They may come out next Fall and they may not.  The summer clothing that is packed away might be unpacked come Spring—and might not.

This skirt from J. Crew Factory has an elastized waist band. PERFECT for that weight gain and the skirt looks great!

Also from J. Crew Factory is this soft sweater dress. It’s cut on the larger side and feels like a nightgown. This is a great dress for a Holiday meal!

My go-to’s these days are either black stretch pants or leggings and a sweater. I’m more round but the clothing with stretch is more body-friendly!

I’m pretty sure I wrote about these pants in a past post. I sized up and made the great sale purchase at J. Crew.  Jeans haven’t been worn due to the gain but these have a marvelous amount of stretch and I love the leopart pattern!

Ladies. It’s time for some self-love.  No—I’m not talking about being vain or conceited or narcissistic. I’m talking about a genuine love for yourself.  And plain liking yourself!

And despite the satin ribbon for hanging this shirt up and my ittle fang I’m pulling a Sally Field, looking at myself and saying to my reflection “You like me. You really LIKE me!”

This pandemic has taken quite the toll with most of us. It can be hard to comply.  We can become stir-crazy.  We had to cancel our plans to visit Oona and Sam over Christmas.  Bonaparte is especially disappointed because he wanted to see their new home.

I’m gonna miss seeing these two kids over Christmas. It’s heartbreaking for me because I wanted to be inappropriate with my pregnant daughter but next time I see her, she’ll be a mommy!!

I wanted to rest my hands upon Oona’s expanding belly and inappropriately comment on the size of her huge titties. It seems to me there’s an awful lot of milk in them thar mountains! But most of all, I wanted to take care of my baby.  I wanted to do laundry. And cook (much to her delight I won’t be there to make a mess).  And just be there for her and I cannot.  And it isn’t my fault.  I’m not being weak by opting out of a Christmas visit.  I’m caring for my daughter, her husband and her baby boy.  I’m caring for the health of myself and husband by not traveling in a crowded airport.

It’s true. Cancelling a trip due to health concerns isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s empowering and shows strenght because you are protecting others as well as yourself!

Instead, we will drive to New York to pick Roman up and bring him here for Christmas as he has a week off.  Christmas dinner will be me, Bonaparte, Roman, Bonaparte’s daughter, husband and daughter. And they all have to be COVID-19-tested beforehand if they are coming into my home.

Is that being mean?  Certainly not!  It is being kind to my husband and me. It is showing that we care about our health (and yes. I’m getting tested too) and that we love ourselves.

So, this holiday season and beyond, love yourself.  Do yourself a favor and go easy on you!  In order to love others, you need to love yourself.

And remember, loving yourself means never having to say you’re sorry to yourself!

……to yourself!!!!

About Catherine

Far from perfect, but enjoying life as a non-perfect and flawed individual at 60 years young. I'm still wondering what I'll be when I grow up! The characters in my life's screenplay include my better half. He is a refined Frenchman who grew up in Paris and summered in St. Tropez. I grew up in Long Island and summered in Long Island. I am not refined. My three grown children are also a big part of my life. For their sake, they happily live where their careers have taken them! But I can still mother them from a distance! I write about the mundane. I write about deeply shallow issues. But whatever I write or muse about--it'll always be a bit on the humorous and positive side! It's all good!
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20 Responses to Love (of Self) Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry (to Yourself)

  1. Thank you. I needed that. My husband and I were given a pound of Sees candy. We finished the box and it has never tasted so good. I ordered a vat of cashews from Costco. We loved every bite. Now we’re eating through another hue bag of Pistachios. For some reason I needed them. Weight? Yep, of course we have both gained weight.Diet? Don’t seems to even remember how to do it. So I’ll be joining you. You’re going to laugh. I find it hard to diet when I can’t go to the market. I order food through instacart. I can’t go to the market every day the way I used to. What an excuse. Bottom line I’ll join you next year. Interesting comment from your dermatologist.

  2. Juliet says:

    Lets do that diet thing next year – once I have eaten my way through what I have in the house (currently hoeing through a fresh tasty homemade focaccia as I type and eyeing up anything else in sight). That’s great advice from your doctors – why on earth do we find it so hard to even be nice to ourselves??? Cancelling plans isn’t a bad thing – it is a good thing in these times, it is showing that you can see the bigger picture and put their needs ahead of yours/ours, and it also means they will be as safe and healthy to visit as they can possibly be when it’s OK to do so (and they will so thoroughly want spoiling by then anyway that you can make all the mess you want).

  3. Sharon Daly says:

    Wish you could see how darn cute you are! In ten years you’ll look back on 2020 photos and think, “Wow, I was really hot!” We women are brainwashed that perfection is the goal. Not!

  4. Kathleen Henderson says:

    Catherine – you gave great advice today and wish you and your family well. Thank you for all that you do.

  5. Maryellen Reardon says:

    You are absolutely on the money here. And, you know what? Even when the new year comes and we try to lose weight again, let’s still be kind to ourselves with positive messages about how great we are. You are right – kick the negative self-messages to the curb!

    So sorry you cannot visit with your daughter over Christmas. Do a Zoom. Not the same I know, but you can still connect.

    Merry Christmas!

  6. debwlv says:

    I’m kind of tearing up after reading your post and the comments that followed…..I am from a family of women, five of us in the house and then my poor old Dad (he actually LOVED having four daughters), so it’s an environment I have always felt comfortable in. You have surrounded yourself with compassionate, supportive, loving, strong women. Here is a space where woman are celebrated and supported and yet it happens without bashing or denigrating the men——it is what drew me to your blog from Day One and why I love being here. Keep up the good work and have a happy, safe holiday.

  7. Cathy Blackwell says:

    Thank goodness there are so many more female doctors across all specialities! I found myself saying yes Yes YES!! To your post. There’s a balance to life. Being kind to ourselves and being healthy because we do love ourselves. Forgiveness of ourselves and others is critical. Happy holidays to you and yours.

  8. Susan says:

    This is a wonderful post! Thanks! In a world that’s kinda scary I have lost so much confidence. A recent fall, inability to exercise all have me feeling out of control. You really do make it all better.

  9. Jean says:

    I’ve adopted the philosophy that anything I eat after the protein doesn’t count.

  10. Leslie says:

    Wonderful post! You are speaking for us all! Bye the way, you look terrific!

  11. Renee in Northern California says:

    Catherine, I was sure in a funk this morning and low and behold your post should up! Thanks so much for writing it and to all the commenters, too!! I sure needed inspiration and an attitude adjustment. I feel much, much bettah!! I’ll tackle my 10 pound weight gain in 2021. God knows 2020 been tough enough on all of us. No need for more pressure. In the big picture it’s just not a big deal. Here’s to better days ahead ladies…Thanks again to you all!!!

  12. TURNER says:

    Such wise words, all of them. Comforting too. Thank you.

  13. vavashagwell says:

    I’ve always thought you look fantastic, and I’ve missed your more frequent posts from times past. You have a wonderful message here. I’m going to forward your post to my best friend who lives in Denver. She frets about her weight and appearance a lot and perhaps she can be uplifted by your message. Your doctors sound great!!

  14. Joan Brown says:

    Right now you and I are the same weight, but I don’t think I am fat because In April I was 189 lbs, so I feel good about myself. My doctor had given me the first goal of 163. My ideal weight for me is 145 so I don’t get a flat ass. When I was young, My average weight was 137. When I went through my divorce I was 118 but didn’t look good. Life changes affect us and affects our weight especially stress. If I can get to 145 by the summer, I’m good. Years ago I would have thought 145 was too heavy. Now I think it would be just right. I agree with your doctors! I think their best advice of getting through holidays and focusing again at the New YeR is wise. I just undereducated the fitnation flex bike from HSN for Christmas. My plan is to wride it for 30 per day while watching TV or one of those YouTube videos of biking through France or Italy enjoying the beautiful scenery! Keep the faith- we can do this!

    • Joan Brown says:

      Typos meant to say I ordered the fitnation bike and will ride it, not whatever the heck I just typed and got autocorrected!

  15. Sharon says:

    You look fabulous! I can’t tell that you’ve gained any weight…you have such a great style and really dress so cute all of the time! You should feel good about yourself…I read a lot of blogs and very rarely comment but I love your honesty…keeping it real! Happy holidays!

  16. Liz McGarry says:

    I love your grey t-shirt! I have that same saying on a small plaque in the kitchen. I ordered it because it made me laugh which has always been very important to me but seems crucial now. I find myself buying more and more unnecessary items just because they bring a smile to my face and that helps me survive our terrible reality. So I say go for it…eat the candy, drink the martini, indulge yourself…we’ll see the end of this COVID nightmare soon!

  17. Karen says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I was feeling monumentally discouraged this morning – no real Christmas, no plans for New Year’s Eve. Struggling not to eat all the lovely home baked goods and treats my husband and I were given by lovely friends this year in curbside drop offs. I decided a day of self-care was in order instead of spending time processing plans, goals, initiatives, beliefs and inspiration for 2021. I was going to read my Bible – instead I read this! HA! Thank you God for women who know their value, their strengths and who make it through whatever happens no matter what. My heart hurts for you missing seeing your daughter and her growing baby boy! That’s such a momentous loss that you will always remember, but will surely be redeemed by time and love. Happy New Year!
    xo karen

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