Oh boy. I just cannot begin to tell you just how busy the past few days have been for me.
I have been to HELL and back. I’m not talking about being stuck on the Belt Parkway either!
Believe me–stuck in traffic on the Belt Parkway is ONE version of hell on earth!
I interviewed Satan. Oh yes I did!
Anne Rice may have interviewed the vampire, but I got to interview THIS guy!
OK. You know how my bestie Hipster Jesus judged Josh Duggar for sexual molestation.
Remember my post? Josh’s Final Judgement
Josh did the dirty with his SISTERS and a family friend!!! Remember how Joshie falsely and arrogantly begged for my Hipster Jesus’ forgiveness. Remember how all those Duggar Humpers prayed too? You think my Jesus is a freakin’ moron?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Nobody puts MY Hipster Jesus in a corner!
All that praying to be forgiven made things worse. Joshie—our little real life Weepy the WeeWee, is at it again!!!
Actually, for some reason, I doubt Josh Duggar’s wee wee is weeping! But then again, if he caught some sort of disease……….
He’s a member of “Ashley Madison”!!! Ashley Madison is a site where married men to go cheat on their wives!!!! Can you believe this?
Mr. “Family Values” doughboy is at it again. This time he’s a cheat!!! What a great example of hypocrisy!
Josh Duggar, who, along with his Duggar
litter, family, freak fest, cult pontificates about “family values” and who blames GAY people for destroying the sanctity of marriage, CHEATS ON HIS WIFE!!
He also loves Porn!!! Oh. I’m not talking food porn either, I’m talking naughty schoolgirl porn!!
Look at those DuggarMale faces! Joshie must be showing them naughty porn pics! Ewwww. John David, to the far left, has the creepiest expression on his face! The others just look stunned, scared, and some appear to be quite happy!
There is just so much to soak in here. The Duggar Family who *cough* all live “Godly” lives and quote the Bible (which, by the way is a man-made story book), and Psalms—you know, those writings with numbers like “Paul 13.1”, all judge others’ behaviors and condemn anyone who doesn’t live by their ideology. (Maybe mommy Michelle teaches her homeschooled
pack of wild animals, pod, litter, brood math with those Psalm equations!)
Making signs. Boy, Michelle Duggar must be teaching her advanced displacement class!
But getting back to Joshie. His family released a statement last week—but then edited it.
Anyway, in the first statement, Josh blamed Satan for his naughty actions!
At least Flip Wilson joked about blaming the Devil! Joshie was serious!
Imagine that! Josh didn’t even own up to going on line and registering for Ashley Madison and he didn’t own up to looking at naked ladies doing very weird stuff on the net. In fact, Josh also has a fake Facebook page and is friends with girls who look like jailbait.
So anyway, back to Satan.
This was too enticing for me. I mean, I’m pretty much an equal opportunist!
I feel bad that the Duggar and their fake Christian fund-a-mental-ist ilk actually have the nerve to use my Hipster Jesus as an excuse to hide behind whilst spewing hatred and bigotry.
Boy–this family really loves to blame everyone else but themselves. How true these words are!
I also felt so bad for Satan because Josh actually pointed the finger at him and blamed that little devil for the dirty filthy deviant sicko actions he carried out! I HAD to find out for myself just what Satan thought of this little pudgy sex machine!
It was a tough task to undertake, but I did it! First off, I had to call Hipster Jesus to get his permission to make the trip to Hades.
You really didn’t think I would go to Hell on my own–did you? I wanted permission first!
Hipster Jesus told me it was ok to do so. First of all, Jesus is very busy figuring out how he’s going to try to get those dirty politicians to just leave him alone. Jesus also explained to me that he’s got so much weeding out to do with the spirits. He further explained that sometimes it really is difficult to distinguish between the really good souls and those who are just so phoney!
Hipster Jesus sometimes has a hard time weeding out the good from the evil! Case in point! Josh is evil–Jeb is….well, he’s just plain ol’ dumb but the jury is still out!
He also told me to suggest to Satan that he start digging a bit deeper as he’ll be sending tons of spirits down for a meet and greet!
I felt really bad for my Hipster Jesus. He’s working overtime to handle prayer requests. He’s upset because he hardly receives any prayers of thanks!
Guilty as charged! Oh..I’m no angel, but I will thank my hipster Jesus for all that I have!
His instructions to me were to wear red so I would “blend”. He also said that Michael the Archangel would be accompanying me because he didn’t want any funny business thrown my way by Satan. I was further instructed to walk down to the sewer at the end of my street at midnight. Michael would be waiting for me and would bring me to the underworld.
Michael the Archangel would be accompanying me. Apparently he’s one of the few who actually intimidates Satan so he would be my protector!
I dressed appropriately. My red J. Crew Tippi sweater, my red J. Crew Flouncy skirt and my red slut heels were the perfect ensemble. The only issue was that I may have been really hot and sweaty since this outfit was more of a winter one. But—a serious journalist must do her job!
I dressed in red but was concerned about the heaviness of the fabric! Oh well, I’m a dedicated journalist and I suffer for my craft!
Michael looked great! He’s such a character! He miraculously changed up his look so that he resembled John Travolta’s role of him in the film “Michael”. He said it was to appear more human!
Seeing Michael the Archangel like this, I just wanted to start dancing with him to “Chain of Fools”–just like in the movie–but I had serious work to do!
After meeting at the sewer, off we went. In a flash, I was at the entrance to Hell!
Boy, was it hot! Now why I know why they call it an inferno! When the door opened, there stood Satan, flames at his feet.
It made me wonder if Michael Flatley had been visiting—after all, one of his shows was named “Lord of the Dance—Feet of Flames”!
I dunno–I’m seriously wondering just WHERE Michael Flatley got the “Feet of Flames” idea? Has he been visiting someone????????
I was somewhat shocked when Satan and Michael exchanged pleasant greetings. But as Satan made a motion for me follow him, he explained that even though they may not agree on everything, he and Michael and Hipster Jesus do have a mutual respect for each other. I thought that was nice.
It’s true. They don’t agree on anything. But they need to work together to weed out and separate the good from the evil!
It was also quite shocking for me to be led into Satan’s air-conditioned office! Again, he explained that I was not the first human to visit and interview him and visitors just need a more comfortable place to speak with him. Then he laughed and told me that even he sometimes needs some cooling off time!
Satan’s office! Who knew? Thankfully for my sake it was cold as a fridge!
What follows is the transcript of my interview. I have made this exclusively available to my friends because it is really important for me to see that people really understand the mind of truly evil people like Josh Duggar and his family and their fake Christian peers.
ME: “First of all, I would like to thank you for allowing me to interview you”. “Would you like me to call you Mr. Satan, or is it permissible for me to refer to you as “Sate”?
SATAN: “Cathe.” “This is Hell.” “You don’t have to be so formal; Sate is fine”
ME: “Ok. Let’s Begin”. “I’m sure you are fully aware of Josh Duggar’s recent actions—what, with his membership to Ashley Madison and his obsession with porn and other dirty delights…” “But, what bothers me is that his family made a statement in which Josh blamed YOU, Satan, for his sins of the flesh.” “A short time later the statement was edited”. “How do you feel about being blamed—are you annoyed”?
SATAN: “That’s a good question”. “It bothered me a lot that Josh placed the blame on me!” “He’s an adult and he needs to own and take responsibility for his actions.” “Listen—I don’t tempt anyone!” “People know the difference between right and wrong—it’s called a conscience” “All too often people make decisions that are both wrong and downright evil and the weakest links blame me because they are too cowardly to own up to their actions”. “The only time I truly tempted anyone was when Jesus was in the desert for those forty days–and I wasn’t really TEMPTING him–I was just messing with him” “Jesus is a strong dude–he paid no attention to me”
ME: “Ok. I get what you are saying”. “However, many people are saying that had Josh Duggar had been raised outside of the Quiverfull or whatever cult Jim Bob and Michelle belong to, Josh wouldn’t have been so suppressed and he would have also been taught that certain actions are wrong…….”
SATAN: (interrupting)”…Hold on Cathe—let me say something” “EVERYONE has an innate sense of what is right and wrong—no matter how they are raised.” “Let me give you an example: Remember when you were 13 years old? You shoplifted a lipstick from a five-and-dime store. When you got home, you were behaving rather quietly and your mom asked you if you were ok. You told her you were. Then you went upstairs to your bedroom and started crying because you felt bad that you not only stole the lipstick, but you lied to your mother” “Do you remember what you did next?”
ME: “Oh my God!” “Yes! I remember!!” “I went into my top drawer, took out a dollar because the lipstick was only eighty-nine cents!” “I got on my bike and rode back to the store and placed the dollar by the cash register!” “I made sure that nobody was near the register” “Then—the next Saturday I went to Confession. I was soooo upset that I did something just so bad!”
SATAN: “My point exactly!” “You had an INNATE sense that what you did was wrong” “You didn’t blame me and you didn’t sit in your room trying to justify your actions by pointing the finger at me either” “You didn’t kneel by your bed to ask God’s forgiveness while admiring that frosty pink lippie” “Instead, you rode your bike back to the store and more or less paid for the lipstick. You handled the situation by owning up to it in confession” “And I have to say, it almost hurt me that you were so upset about your actions but it proves that you realized you did wrong and you made right”. “I was defeated, but my point is that you KNEW the difference between wrong and right”
ME: (Eye rolling) “Yeah. Thanks for bringing THAT up”. “But I have to admit, I LOVED that lipstick. I’m glad I went back to pay for it—*sigh* the things kids do!!!”
SATAN: “The Duggar parents teach their kids wrong from right in a different way” “They confuse their children by raising them to think that dressing in a certain way is “sinful”.”They control their children by making them believe that kissing or holding hands or exploring a young person’s feelings—whether sexual or any other way is BAD.” “They have this odd belief that women should be subservient to man—what a crock of shit!” “They marry their kids off to other weak links within their community and you have an entire group of people who spread this ideology and it grows and grows and before you know it, they are spreading their beliefs like a malignancy”. “Look what happened to politics!” “Years ago religion wasn’t even MENTIONED in politics!” “There was a separation of God and State—and even I was separated from politics. People are bringing me into this and I don’t like it either—but I’m going off topic here. Back to Josh and his family….”
Hey Josh–you better watch your hands–that’s your daughter!
ME: “So, basically, Sate, let me get this straight—you’re blaming Josh’s money hungry parents for his actions?”
SATAN: “No” “I’m simply saying that despite the way Josh was raised, he definitely knows the difference between right and wrong”. ‘He admitted he did wrong” “He owned up to the cheating”. “He owned up to the porn thing and he owned up to that despicable and incestuous molestation” “What pisses ME off is that he blamed me for those actions” “It also pisses me off that he uses praying for forgiveness as another excuse.” “Pray. Forgive. Repeat the crime”. “He’ll have to answer to a higher–and lower power”!
SATAN: “I also want to go on record to say that the real “sin” that these people commit is the sin of vanity and greed” “This family (and all of those who believe their ideology) is so incredibly greedy”. “They have used Jesus as a platform to spew their hatred of gays, Catholics, and anyone who doesn’t share their beliefs.” “Listen—I’m not saying that there aren’t bad people within the gay community or there aren’t any evil Catholics—I’ve got a ton of pedophile priests down here.” “But these people pontificate about good, solid family values—and then Josh goes out and cheats on his wife that he knocks up every one or two years and has the arrogance to say that the gay community has ruined the sanctity of marriage?” “This guy is a dick and he will absolutely have a place at the very bottom of my club” “In fact, I’ve already got a deeper level dug—or should I say “duggared” for when he joins me!”
This is the picture of a joke of a marriage. There ARE no family values here–it’s all a lie!
ME: “Oh you funny devil. That “duggared” remark was pretty funny” “Nice to see you have a sense of humor. OHHH. I almost forgot—Jesus told me that he was going to have many more spirits to send to you so you really need to start digging more.” “He’ll be glad to find out you are one step ahead on that”!
SATAN: “Thanks. I appreciate that” “But it’s true—the more in the public eye this family became, the more arrogant they grew”. “Take that idiot , Ben, that Jessa married” “He truly believes he is some sort of biblical savior” “I know you are very upset with his Catholic bashing—and rightly so-but I love it. His arrogance and lack of humility guarantees him a spot here!” “The only reason he wanted to hook up with Jessa is that he wanted fame and he was manipulative enough to get through to that greaseball Jim Bob” “And let me tell you something else—Jessa is no angel” “She is as vain and arrogant as many souls that I hold in custody” “She’s more upset about losing money by not having the birth of their baby televised than she is about actually loving her child—you know I am not a fan of love per se” “She’s another one who will be welcomed here”
He thinks he’s a savior. She’s angry that the birth of their child won’t be televised. See those passports? TLC paid for their honeymoon. Cash cow is over–yet they still hate. Yup–a spot is opened for them..and not in Heaven!
ME: “So you don’t think the Duggar girls, or the family friend or Anna Duggar are victims of Josh’s crimes?”
His sisters never spoke out against him. All for fame and money. Their husbands are even more vile for not coming to the defense of these women!
SATAN: “Cathe. Are you related to Walter Cronkite or something?”
ME: “Nope—and I take that as a compliment”
SATAN: “You’re cute.” “As far as these women/girls being victims-yes. They were and are victims of heinous crimes, and I feel for the younger siblings of the families, and I ESPECIALLY feel horrible for the friend of the family who was molested– but—and here’s a big “but”. “These women could have spoken against Josh’s actions.” “Instead, they chose to allow their reality show celebrity and their lust of money and fame stop them from coming clean and admitting they were victims AND admitting their brother committed a crime.” “They chose to tell people that they were praying for Josh’s forgiveness and kept playing the religious and Jesus card” “It’s sad because there are a lot of uneducated people out there who truly believe that the Duggars and those false Christians just like them are true Christians.” “They aren’t true Christians at all–in fact, they are a hellofa lot like me” “By the way, I am keeping the friend of the family out of this–she needs her privacy.”
SATAN: “You know who the truest Christian on earth is?” “Francis—your new Pope” “I’ll tell you that man not only talks the talk but he walks the walk-the guy doesn’t have one evil bone in his body” “He’s a breath of fresh air—even for ME—and that says a lot!”
Pope Francis is THE leading example of a true Christian–possibly the ONLY example!
ME: “Oh. I don’t want to take up too much more of your time—besides, it’s almost morning and I need to get back home” “One last thing—lots of folks are talking about how sorry they feel for Anna Duggar—personally, I’m not feeling the empathy” “What’s you take, Sate?”
This once clinging-vine looks sweet, but she is as sour and nasty as that ham sandwich that was left in a locker for an entire school year!
SATAN: “I”ve read your opinion on this and I agree with you” “At first, she DID appear to be that needy, clinging vine of a young woman—almost like a hemorrhoid” “But, as she became more empowered through the fame and recognition of being a Duggar, she became rather full of herself and went on all sorts of social media to publicize her hatred of the LGBT community, Democrats and others who didn’t share her beliefs as well” “She’s just as guilty to stay married and raise her children in an emotionally and possibly physically abusive environment.”
SATAN: “Cathe, I just want to add one more thing, if I may.” “You mortals can be so hypocritical at times—and what I’m going to say goes beyond the fake Christian thing” “You are in a society that supposedly cares about children-you don’t want them abused in any way but yet, the authorities do NOTHING to protect kids from cults like Gothard or Scientology or Quiverfull for example” “Mortals will allow Josh and Anna Duggar’s children to live with a parent who has molested, yet those children will NOT be taken away from them” “There are so many people who are unable to have children and there are so many same-sex couples who would be great parents to those children and yet they are ostracized and stigmatized—it’s almost….well, EVIL” “I have nothing more to say except to keep diggin’!”
ME: “Thanks Satan. Hopefully this is the only time that I’ll be seeing you!”
SATAN: “Watch your road rage honey, and it WILL be the last time you see me!” “Now get outta here you little devil you!” “Tell Michael to give my thanks to Hipster Jesus for sending me so many souls—it warms my heartless!” “I gotta go. Beetlejuice and I are meeting for drinks!”
I was so excited to hear that Satan was going to hang with Beetlejuice. But I didn’t want to say anything for fear of repeating his name three times–you know where THAT leads donja???
Seriously! This was one heated interview! I hope everyone gets a better understanding of just how weak Josh Duggar is to put the blame on Satan rather than to own up to his own crimes, misdemeanors and misgivings! But—the entire Duggar cult is just as guilty—and the saddest thing is that there are people out there who think these vile people are “godly”. They aren’t—and there is a special place “duggared” for them!
I’m soooooooo jealz that Sate got to hang with my fave bad boy, Beetlejuice! So how’s a bout a little fun with that crazy guy? “Dayo” from Beetlejuice! XOXOXOXOXOXOOO!
I’m so happy that I was “red” illy available for this interview–and I’m glad to be back on earth!
I also hope you had a hot weekend–but not as hot as mine!!!