Okay, so I realize this post is four days post-Oscar, but the company of which I am employed staged a makeover this past summer. As such, the fluorescent lighting is stronger than ever. To add injury to my already horrific eyesight, there are no diffusers on the light fixtures.
Guess who was affected by this? Yes. T’was I. It took a couple of hours to get the display to the right setting and overall, I’m flummoxed as to why a large corporation would not have diffusers on the lighting.
I would love to put those lights where the sun don’t shine!
That being said, I’m still trying to figure out just why I wasted three hours of my life in utter ennui all because I wanted to see the pretty dresses.
And trust me, the pickings were slim.
I started Oscar Sunday by dressing very Oscarly. In my golden brocade slacks. I wanted to be in touch emotionally with the stars. I’m just as self-centered as any one of them so it was only appropriate.
Hello Dahlings! It’s all about moi! Do you like my Oscar outfit? I was inspired by the golden statue..
Ouch! Getting up from these poses becomes increasingly difficult with age. Perhaps that’s why wearing a gown is so much better!
As the late afternoon approached, I watched some of the Red-Carpet specials. WTF? None of these idiots holding a mike can compare to Joan Rivers. They ask the dopiest questions and can’t even bring themselves to vocalize a back-handed compliment. They gush and giggle and act as though they came face to face with Jesus.
I miss her so very much. I can’t even watch the red carpet shows anymore!
It is sickening.
However, before I do a critique of the best-dressed of the evening, which won’t take long because there were no big standouts, I do want to address a few things that made the awards so eye-roll worthy,
The opening number. Perhaps I’m a bit cranky but that opening number with Janelle Monáe would have been more dramatic if it was just her, lighting, and a stage. That’s it. Running down into the audience to showcase the lack of rhythm the white acting community exhibited was painful on my eyes. Keep the talent on stage. She’s got a great voice but it was cracking a bit when she began –and that was quite charming and proof of how a live performance can roll!
Forget the big production for the opening. Gimme just Janelle alone on a stage and dramatic lighting. It’s all we need!
Our non-hosts. Steve Martin and Chris Rock. Individually, I love each of these guys. Especially Rock. Together, they aren’t bad either. But the humor—or rather the attempt at humor was a fail. Look, I have the filthiest, dirtiest gutter mouth on earth. But there was something about them saying the word “vagina” that completely turned me off. That was a low attempt and was better left unsaid. If it were a woman and mentioning “lady parts”—that’s funny. But two men spouting the word “vagina”. No. Just. No.
These two guys paved the way for a very boring evening.
And rather than having one host, we had to go through a very uneven evening of presenters doing schtick.
Please don’t ever let me see Maya Rudolf and Kristen Wiig in those dresses again. Maya Rudolph needs to fire her makeup person. And her hair person. And her stylist. That dress that Wiig wore did nothing for her. It was not flattering for her. There are but two women in the acting community who could have looked spectacular in that dress. Tilda Hinton and Cate Blanchett. They wear clothing and they wear extraordinary fashion very well. That dress? It wore Wiig.
Their rap was cute. And nothing else was remotely cute.–or stylish.
The only thing good about the women’s presentation was the rap they did and that’s not saying much!
Even the greatness of Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Will Ferrell couldn’t make a memorable moment. Both looked as though they wanted to get off the stage.
I can tell you that she was thinking “Get me the hell off this stage”. He was thinking “What am I doing here”. Whoever wrote their schtick needs to be fired.
And I’m not even going to mention the Cats.
I can’t even. But Rebel Wilson’s shoes are fabulous!
And speaking of raps…my personal favorite moment of Oscar entertainment was Mr. Marshall Mathers, aka, Eminem, aka, Slim Shady—I’ve been a fan for years, and his performance was the shining star. Who cares that “Lose Yourself ” won the Oscar for Best Song in 2003 (was it that long ago?); all I know is that random musical moment was the highlight of this otherwise boring Oscar presentation.
Highlight of the Oscars! And might I add that Mr. Mathers was also one of the best-dressed men. I love his new look! Very mature!
What the Oscar powers-that-be need to do is to take a look at the archives of Bob Hope and his hosting days. He poked fun in the most delightful way. My choice would be Ricky Gervais to be a permanent host but he hurts the feelings of the self-absorbed. Thusly, I suggest using the Bob Hope tactic.
Can we please find another host like Bob Hope! Let’s find someone who can make fun of themselves as they can of others!
Another thing that really pissed me off was the fact that Parasite won both Best International Film and Best Picture. There’s so much that I need to say. In the first place, what was wrong with the word “foreign”. Is that word now politically incorrect? I need to know this because I’m wondering if I should now refer to my foreign travels as international travels. The word foreign has only two syllables whereas international is composed of five. When time is of the essence—i.e. the three plus Oscar ceremony, perhaps it is wise to use a two-syllable word.
Geez. They can’t even make up their mind about the category. Is it Foreign Language Film or International? Either way, I want to see this movie but I thing films should stay within the confines of one “best” category!
But here’s the thing I would like to address to The Academy. Pick one fucking category for the films. Either it’s a foreign/international film category or best picture category. It’s called fairness.
Having seen Once Upon a Time….and 1917, both were stellar. My pick would have gone to 1917. It was a visual masterpiece. The camera work was incredible and the movie held a very special place for the millions of us who had grandfathers and great grandfathers and other relatives who fought in The Great War. It was a reminder of our history and how awful war is.
Truth be told. I am pissed that Tarantino did NOT win for best original screenplay. This was a GREAT Story!
But I’m really upset that 1917 didn’t win–or that Sam Mendes didn’t win for best director!
I have absolutely nothing against Bong Joon-ho. Seriously, how could you not love a guy who’s named after a bong? And he had one of the best lines of the evening “I’m ready to drink tonight till next morning”. Now that’s a fun guy.
This guy though. I wanna party with him!!
And that’s why they have categories. Pick a damn category and stick with it.
And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for.
Hands down, the best dressed of the evening was Laura Dern. She also had the best speech. Her mom. Her dad. Now her. All Oscar winners. That was just really moving.
The dress, an Armani number was gorgeous. And it won her a worst-dressed award of the evening. Don’t ask me how because the cut of the dress was fantastic. A true princess gowns. And the black and pink looked stunning.
Why Laura Dern would be called worst-dressed is beyone my comprehension. I adored how sweet and charming she looked. It was a Sleeping Beauty dress–and she took her mom with her. Two Oscar winners!!
Coming in second for me was Julia Louis-Dreyfus. That blue gown was such a classic and timeless thing of beauty. The fit was fabulous and she looked like a true glamorous star!
She was the epitome of glamour and class. What a classic look!
Charlese Theron’s black gown was sexy as all get out. She’s got the shape for it and she’s got the legs! My only criticism was her hair. Whether she is wearing short hair for a film or whether it is her choice, it was “meh”. In this day and age of wigs and hair extensions, I do believe that entire look of hers would have benefited from a bit of fake hair—she needed volume.
If Theron wore some voluminous hair, her look would have put her over-the-top in best-dressed. the hair fell short. Too short, in fact!
Another favorite was Scarlett Johansson. Now there is a woman who knows what works with her body and what a body! I’ve never seen her look less than stellar during awards season. The gown she wore was no exception. She nails it all the time!
When you know your body. And you know what looks are best, you always win. And Miss Scarlett always nails it!
Keanu Reeves and his mom were the best-dressed couple. His mom rocked that pant ensemble!!
Can you believe Keanu’s mom is 76? What an inspiration to all pro-aging women everywhere. She looks fantastic!!!
Now, the last of my favorites also made the worst dressed on a few lists but I loved it. And there’s a reason why. The long waist. It was different. It was beautiful. I would wear that.
Kelly Marie Tran. Ahhh what a long waist does to me. This gives the illusion of height as well. She’s only 5 feet 2 inches but the long waist makes her look taller. I want this dress!
In all honesty, nothing else really rocked my boat. A lot of people raved about Salma Hayek’s look but it was too matronly and bridal for my taste. The woman is married to the wealthiest guy in France and that’s the best she could do?
Meh. I think she looked slightly matronly. Not her best look!
And Margot Robbie. WTF is with the detached sleeves? A perfect example of horrible styling. She’s so gorgeous. She would have rocked a gown with a Sixties vibe.
She one of the most beautiful women on earth and this look was a complete fail. Stringy hair. The dress? The defined waist is too high and looks cheap. The sleeves? Pleeze?
Mindy Kaling. The dress wasn’t bad. It was the color that was awful. Yellow, especially mustard yellow is not her color. Had this been a bright emerald green, it would have been spectacular!
The color is wrong. So is the makeup–the lips are way too dark. She would look so much better with a bright pink lip, brighter eye makeup and a bright green dress!
Sandra Oh was Sandra Oh No!
The color washes her out. The sleeves are too much. It’s just too much dress for her!!
I can’t even with Maya Rudolph. One of the worst looks of the evening.
If Maya Rudolph has a stylist, she or he needs to get kicked to the curb. If she does not have a stylist, I am applying for the job. Her hair is wrong. A side part with waves would soften the look. The makeup is too severe and that thing she’s wearing. There is a very womanly body under that sack. Make like Scarlett Johansson and show us those curves!
But the all-time, worst dressed of the evening, quite possible of all Oscar history was Billie Eilish. And she actually was thought of as best dressed –Read this!__Girlfriend.com
Sporting a two-piece Chanel number that looked like a cross between a garage mechanic uniform and ill-fitting pajamas, all I could think of was “What would Mr. Karl think?” I was a huge fan of Karl Lagerfeld and just refuse to believe he would approve of that look.
Whatever happened to proper-hemmed pants? The filth that will accumulate and ruin the pants? And the shoes? I’m getting the vapors!
I realize Ms. Eilish is young—18 years young. However, this outfit was just trashy.
THIS? Is Oscar-worthy attire? OMG. Mr. Karl is rolling over in his grave right now.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with making a statement with clothing—but at least have something to say. Remember Lady Gaga’s meat ensemble? At least it was somewhat form-fitting and did have the nuance, albeit miniscule, of style.
At least Gaga’s meat ensemble resembled a dress.
There was nothing stylish about that Chanel number. It was baggy, ill-fitting and totally inappropriate for a glamorous occasion.
Tacky. Tacky and people think fast fashion is wrong? This is NO fashion!
Her makeup looked great though–and her low updo looked very pretty in a very edgy way–a nice look for a young woman.
The hairdo wasn’t bad. Although I think had she gone with a more pinkish or light violet hue to her hair it would have been more flattering!
The nails looked ridiculous. How the hell was she able to wipe her ass or her lady parts when she went to the bathroom? Ugh. Unsanitary.
Those nails. I seriously hope she went poo-poo before she had those talons put on. And I hope to heaven she didn’t have her period!
Those nails are so gross!
Oh wait. I think she realizes how unsanitary those nails are. Hope she wore a Depends!
You know, there was a time when I couldn’t wait for award season. Grammy’s, Tony’s, Emmy’s, Golden Globes, Oscars, whatever else. But these days, I can’t be bothered anymore. Since Joan Rivers passed, the red carpet is a bore.
And the awards get worse and worse with the hosting. We need some bite. Some snark. People need to start laughing at themselves and these days Hollywood is taking themselves too seriously. The fun and the thrill are gone!
Perhaps I could host the Oscars! Oh I’m so surprised that I would even consider the thought!
Your feelings? Do you agree? Disagree? Did you even watch the Oscars? Curious minds want to know!!
I mostly agree with your assessment. I did like Penelope Cruz’s gown and Reese Witherspoon’s after-party dress. Renee Zellweger’s dress was great on her. You are funnier than the hosts! You should apply! Of course, they could have use shown Brad Pitt all evening and many of us would have been happy!
I thought it was boring, and switched over at 9-10 to Sanditon (the Jane Austen mini-series which is no Pride and Prejudice either but watchable). I didn’t know half of the stars, including the opening number, thought most of the dresses were ugly, certainly nothing outstanding, but was impressed with Billy Eilish’s vocals – that was the first time I heard her singing and can see why she won all those Grammys. Her outfit was horrible however. They seem to go for shock value these days, not classic styles. Brad Pitt still looks good at 57 though! His velvet tux was nice too, very classy.
Haven’t watch any awards since Joan. There’s just no spark now that she’s gone😥.
And what passes for fashion dahling I’ll neva understand. You’d think some of the women would know what colors & style look right on them by now but nooooo, all sense fall completely outa their pretty lil heads.
Thanks for the great laugh I enjoyed your take on red carpet night.
BTW love your gold slacks, very red carpet worthy
I couldn’t agree more with most of what you’ve said. Worst year ever with regards to the frocks, very disappointing. I didn’t watch any of the actual show, so some of the frocks you’ve shown were new to me, but I didn’t like many of them. I thought Penelope Cruz, Brie Larsen, Regina King and Jane Fonda all looked mighty fine. I also liked the frock that Florence Pugh wore, but not on her. Another horror imo was Olivia Coleman (I love her), that frock was just odd. And as for Heidi Klum, does she have to show her tits off every time? Having said that, she was not alone, I think the really low-cut dresses are unattractive on everyone. It’s a pity Lupita Nyong’o, and Helen Mirren were absent, they usually look good. Many of the after-party frocks were a lot nicer than the actual Oscar dresses .
I’ve got to disagree about Ricky Gervais, never liked him. Graham Norton would probably do a good job, have you ever watched his chat show?
Keanu Reeves was in Dundee (where I live) a few years back, researching for a film he was to be making. He went to a performance of The Cherry Orchard at our local Rep theatre, had a meal beforehand. I was there with friends and for about 20 minutes, instead of eating, kept looking over at this man who I was sure was KR. My friends were highly amused, “why would KR be here, etc.” When our waitress confirmed it was him, my wee heart was going like the clappers. He was stunningly attractive close-up, very sexy. Unfortunately we weren’t sitting anywhere near him in the auditorium and he disappeared quickly after the play ended.
I miss Bob Hope, but those days are long gone and maybe it’s for the best. Old Hollywood was glam, but not a great place for a woman and there’s still a long way to go. My favorite was Jane Fonda, she rocked! And Brad Pitt should write all acceptance speeches from now on. Overall, not many surprises except for best picture. I didn’t see that coming, best (foreign) international film also won best picture? It was cool though. Guess that’s a wrap for the awards season. 😎
Yes, I watched, but wasn’t impressed either. The dresses are what I want to see more than the awards.
I don’t watch them because I live half way around the world and watching them after it’s all over and the winners announced is a bit bleh. Joan Rivers was splendid. She had a way if saying what needed to be said. I think you would substitute her very well. You have a cheeky sense of humour that I love. I’ve been reading your posts but have never commented before today.
Don’t think I’ve watched the Oscars since Joan Rivers passed- – -even then, I just watched her Red Carpet special and the opening monologue of the host and then turned it off. Most of those gowns/getups are not flattering. I do like the idea of the gown Mindy is wearing, very “Belle” of Beauty and the Beast. I saw a pic of a similar (but better) gold/yellow gown on an actress at a viewing party (I guess different “tiers” of actors go to a different party, since most are not going to the Oscars and want to take part in the “big” night)? Anyhow, this actress was fair and blonde and wore her yellow gown with a bright warm red lipstick and her hair up on top of hair head in a big bun and I loved it! Both hair and makeup changes would certainly have helped Mindy. Julia looked very nice in her dark blue gown; she knows what works for her. As for the films, I have seen 1917, Once Upon a Time, The Irishman and Little Women. Enjoyed them all! Now I need to see Parasite. Hollywood is very white male dominated and Parasite is not, and that is why it was selected; so the industry can be seen as more “woke”.
I agree with everything you’ve said! That dress on Sandra Oh! Without the sleeves and in a different color, she could have been stunning, but that color just washed her out. And, I get that Billie Eilish wants to be different, and she’s just 18, but, good Lord, if I had the chance to have Chanel dress me, it wouldn’t be in a faux fur pair of men’s pajamas! I thought her nails were awful, too, but I didn’t even consider real life application! And, Joan Rivers…oh, I miss Fashion Police. She made me cringe sometimes, but what a fun ride that show was. I wish Melissa had been able to pull it off. Anyway, thanks for your take on the fashions…I love reading your take on everything!
didn’t watch but I enjoyed your coverage ~ you should advocate for an interview spot on the red carpet 🙂 We’d watch!! ~ MJ
I need to know where those pants come from!! Fabulous! As is this whole coverage!!!
Can’t stop laughing. Never ever bother to watch it. For the best look and I don’t even know if he was there, is Brad Pitt. dropped the gorgeous boy look and become an interesting not so pretty person.
I very much enjoyed the Oscar show this year, and am surprised that so many people hated it. Oh, well. I did love seeing Eminem. I went to a SAG screening of “8 Mile” back in the day, and the audience left buzzing with excitement about his performance. The song is definitely iconic, which was the point of that segment in the show.
I loved some of the dresses, thought some were not such great choices, but that’s true every year.