First of all, this post has nothing to do with Star Trek’s The Trouble With Tribbles!
Trust me, Tribbles would have been a better option than the troubles with the flight we had!
What it does have to do with is this: Sometimes, even the best laid plans can go awry. And those plans that can go awry are made worse when traveling.
Personally, I’m tired of reading magazine articles, watching travel shows on TV where—Every. Single. Detail. Is. Perfect. Sometimes shit just happens and you have no control over it!
Why am I posting this? Well..it’s because I’m working on a post about traveling abroad: In real life! Vacation season doesn’t begin for a few months—but now is the time to start planning and to start making plans.
Below is a journal entry I made three years ago from my Shutterfly account. It was a nightmare. Our bright idea was to drive to my sister’s home in Long Island—not far from JFK. She drove us to the airport. Upon our returning day back to the States, she drove our car to the short-term parking while her husband followed in his car. Sounds like a great plan. Right?
BTW, Shutterfly does a great job of turning your photos into a lovely album full of memories!
So please. Have a read and hopefully laugh and learn at my nastiness when things just don’t go MY way. And all of these incidents actually happened. It’s true!
To save a lot of money. $1,600.00 to be exact, we flew Aer Lingus from JFK to Dublin and then connected for Paris. Easy Peasy.
I love Aer Lingus, but they are infamous for flying “Irish Time”–just as I live by the great delayed Irish time!
Not the same with the flight home:
Here’s how it rolled: We got to CDG. I knew we were in trouble when we checked our luggage. The flight was full and Aer Lingus attendants were checking in carry-on luggage. I freaked when Bonaparte checked my carry on. Why? It was chock full of every single item I purchased. Naturally, being quite the territorial woman, I wanted that shit with me–or as close to me as humanly possible.
Other than the essentials, my carry on bag was filled with all the treasures I purchased in France!
So we get on the plane. And wait on the runway. And wait. And wait. And the time is flying by and I’m getting panicky because we are going to miss our connection and I do NOT have my luggage with me. (What I really mean is, I do NOT have all the purchases I made with me!)
I call the flight attendant over and tell her that we have a connection to make to JFK. She explains to me in her lovely lilting brogue that it won’t be a problem and the connecting plane will wait and someone will be in Dublin to meet us and to take us to our awaiting flight. The only other time that waiting made me this stressful was when my daughter, Oona, was competing in Irish Dance and the wait for results was seemingly just as bad as this wait on the runway!
If you have an Irish dancer in your family, or know of anyone who does, then you are well-aware of how stressful the wait time for results are!
The plane finally takes off. I mumble some extremely naughty words—most of which start with the letter “F”. And my voice rises from a mere whisper to a full-on obnoxious LOUD! Bonaparte ignores me. I become so stressed that the flight attendant gives me not one–but TWO of those little bottles of Jamison. I drink both bottles.
We get to Dublin. Our connecting flight is going to leave in 5 minutes. It is supposed to wait.
A rep from Aer Lingus meets us at Dublin. She explains that our plane has boarded and is full. Now I’m in a total zone of “What the fucking shit is going on???“…and only because of the really, really good stuff that is in my luggage. Repettos. Nat & Nin bags. Rondini sandals. Clothes. CD’s. And my beauty products from CityPharma. I know my shit is going to get lost. And this bitch from Aer Lingus is copping an attitude. This is just not good.
My Rondini’s and Repetto ballet flats…
….my nat & nin bags…
…all my booty from CityPharma is going to get LOST! I know it is!
Nine of us passengers have now missed our connecting flight home. Vincent has his SEALED BAG of CREME DE CASSIS in his hand and I have nothing! I’m now in the crazy zone for sure!
We are rerouted to Boston and arrangements have been made to get to JFK via Jet Blue. I’m only thinking about my luggage. That’s all. My luggage.
We have to go through security a second time. I’m now in such an insane frame of mind that when my necklace “beeps” through that darn security thingy, I take my fist and rip the necklace clear off my neck as though I am the female version of The Incredible Hulk’ and throw it on the floor. Security doesn’t even tell me to pick it up. Bonaparte makes it through with his Crème de Cassis.
We finally get on the plane. I am beyond any form of verbal usage at this point. I don’t even open my mouth and the flight attendant offers me more free drinks. I take them!
We land in Boston and we have an hour to make our connection on Jet Blue to JFK. I’m freaking out to the point where Bonaparte walked twenty paces ahead of me. Yes. I got my Linda Blair on! We had to go through Customs, get our baggage AND get through security..all in an hour! I’m now like a lunatic because all I want is my luggage, but I cannot get it till I go through Customs. The line is long. I cut in the middle and someone makes the mistake of remarking to me. I turn around and literally hiss………”I missed my fucking flight home, I don’t even know if I will get my luggage and I have ten minutes to make my flight to JFK”, I suppose by the fire coming from my ears the lady sympathized with me and I made it through Customs with plenty of time to get my luggage.
So I get to the baggage claim and Bonaparte is wondering where I was. He saw fire coming from my ears and didn’t say a word. I started to cry “I don’t care about anything except that damn carry on with all my stuff. My Repettooooooooss” ….
If Joshua Straub needs a model for an adult temper tantrum, I’m his woman!
And then…an illumination in front of me. Not only did the luggage appear, but MY CARRY ON WAS THE FIRST PIECE OF LUGGAGE TO exit out of the conveyer belt! Suddenly…the trip home was improving!
It was as though the doors of an illuminated cathedral opened and my luggage appeared!
A while later, with luggage in tow, we headed off to security. Again.
I beeped. Again. Time to have the TSA lady check me from head to toe. I was cleared to proceed.
Then it happened. Bonaparte’s Crème de Cassis. Two beautiful bottles. Sealed at CDG. Made it through Dublin. Boston TSA confiscates it. I mentioned to Mr. TSA-sshole that this same Crème de Cassis made it through security in Dublin.
Two bottles of Creme de Cassis. Sealed in Paris. Made it through Dublin but the TSA guy in Boston confiscated it! Miserable prick!
Mr. TSA had the balls to say to me. “This Ain’t Dublin Lady..and it ain’t France’.
So I go up to him and say. “Open the bag. I’ll drink that shit before you get your grubby hands on it”.
Bonaparte grabs my hand so hard I swear my arm got out of its socket–and I didn’t stop. I continued.
“Yeah..you grab Cassis but you’ll let some moron with a gun and homemade bomb makings pass through your shitty –ass station!”. Bonaparte put his hand across my mouth and told the TSA man I had Tourettes. Then he told me if I didn’t keep quiet I would be arrested and they would take my carry-on away from me and I would lose my Repettos and every item that I was protecting! THAT kept me quiet!
After this debacle, I have to say that Jet Blue is my new favorite domestic airline! We had a great and comfy ride back from Boston to JFK. And it was a truly beautiful flight. We never got too high up in the sky because the flight was only 40 minutes. So we flew low. AND the entire flight was a fireworks show down the eastern coastline! We were having a private July 4th celebration in the sky! And the descent into JFK was amazing. The fireworks got closer and closer and it was a great end to a stressful way home from Paris!
We flew over fireworks–it was the most amazing visual from the sky!
Was it worth saving the $1,600.00? At the time, I would say “NO”, but looking back, as long as I get to keep my carry on and in the future having Bonaparte placing the Cassis in a piece of luggage. Yeah. I guess it WAS worth the savings. Besides—despite missing our connection, I love the service on Aer Lingus!
Besides—I got to listen to my new Jacques Dutronc CD on the ride home from JFK!
Well, it was an adventure…and life is an adventure. So until my next travel! Hope you enjoy reading!
Finally home from a return I will never forget!
By the way, Bonaparte made our reservations to Nice for this coming June. We are flying into CDG and catching a connecting flight to Nice. Bonaparte has assured me that the connecting flight will NOT be leaving CDG for a couple of hours and we will have plenty of time. He said our luggage won’t be an issue because we will have to get it at the baggage claim before heading off to Nice.
I am going to squeeze three weeks’ worth of clothing into a carry on!
Here’s some Jacques Dutronc for a Sunday morning! “Hippie Hippie Hourrah”!