Where do I begin with this one? First of all, if you’ve read my past posts on Hollywood awards events, you know that, a. I’m not a “celebrity” person and b. I live to watch these awards to drool over great ensembles and to snark over the tacky ones. Actually, it’s the tacky and tasteless that warm my heartless the most.
I would have been better off in France at the Cannes Film Fesitval. What is this dress made of? Honeycomb cereal? Popcorn? 3-D Tic-Tac-Toe boards? Only Larisa Katz, the designer knows. But this is what I live for–the truly tacky ensembles and last night’s Golden Globe awards were such a disappointment!
Today I’m nursing a serious case of deep GERD-related indigestion due to the over-the-top amount of chili and cheese laden nachos that I gluttonously wolfed down during last night’s presentation. I think it was more of a stress-eat than anything else.
The Golden Globes are now officially to blame for my overeating last night and destroying my diet.
I was stressed because there was no tackiness. No flamboyance. No excitement. Wait! I have a caveat here—Oprah’s speech was the only excitement but I’ll get to that later.
And where was Bjork? I’ll bet she would have worn a black swan dress—even THAT would have been more exciting!
I knew I was in deep trouble when I started watching “Countdown to the Golden Globes” on the E! Channel. Always late with “celebrity news”, I had no inkling that all the very serious and “humble” actors would be wearing black in support of the #metoo movement.
At first, I thought “Who died” because everyone looked like they were going to a fancy funeral for a very important fashion designer.
Then when I saw the little clip of Debra Messing calling out E! for not paying one of their female entertainment reporters the same salary as her male counterpart, I knew at that moment the self-righteousness of the entertainment industry and not entertainment as an escape would be the topic of the evening.
Trust me, I’m all for equality–but the subject has it’s time and place. Debra. Don’t bite the hand that’s giving you exposure to enjoy the salary you already make–and might I remind you that salary puts you above the 0ne percent that the entire country is making.
Now—don’t get me wrong. I’m all for equality in pay. Based on education and skills and knowledge, the pay scale should be adjusted. But the question remains—was the female reporter in question as adept and qualified as the male she was working with. And this subject goes deeper and deeper because these days, corporations are trying to get away with paying all employees less in salary while demanding more of their time.
Besides—there is a time and a place for everything and Messing’s timing was way off on those comments. It was tacky—and it wasn’t the tacky I was so looking forward to.
You know who Messing should have called out? Her makeup artist. Her shadow wasn’t even blended correctly!! Now THAT’S a crime!!!!
Honestly, I should have turned the TV off when the most gorgeous Catherine Zeta-Jones was being interviewed. Bonaparte and I were enjoying our aperitifs and at the same time turned to each other with “How much more full of herself can this woman be before she vomits from her own self-fullness?”
Catherine. You are now part of the “mature woman” demographic. You need those Golden Globes of yours placed in a bra with a bit of lift. The truth may hurt your over-filled ego but your cups need a little filling!
My Frenchman went upstairs after dinner and I was left to watch the Golden Globes tout seul.
My Frenchman left me to watch the Golden Globes alone! That’s almost as scary as watching “It” or “The Shining” by myself!
So, let me give you my opinion on the Golden Globes 2018.
Seth Meyers. You are a nice guy. You have a nice way. You were one of my favorites on SNL Weekend Update. However, your hosting was boring. Hey. I understand. It was through no fault of yours. You were most likely a “safe” host and you were. I want Ricky Gervais back.
Seth–even that joke about Weinstein was too tame for my taste. I want Gervais back and I want him back funnier and more acerbic than ever!!!!!
For chrissakes, these celebrities take themselves almost as seriously as that one in the White House calls himself a genius. Lighten up. Get a sense of humor. Laugh at yourself. Gervais would have done a far better job and had gotten plenty of laughs. But nooooooooooooooooo . The tone had to be maudlin so we could how serious the evening was. The black attire wasn’t enough.
And speaking of black attire, let’s look at some of the dresses.
Kate Hudson. I have news for you Kate, the netting on my Weave-A-Wig would have made a better dress. Couldn’t your stylist have gotten you something more attractive? On the other hand, you do look cute with short hair.
Kate Hudson’s Weave-a-Wig dress…
The netting on the Weave-a-Wig helps to keep the wig secured when sewn in. This would have come in very handy for the security of Hudson’s dress had the top been made with Weave-a-Wig netting. Bobbi Boss may have a side business in awards dressing!
Halle Berry. I’m giving props to Halle as one of the GG’s Best-dressed. She wore a short dress and I am a sucker for shorter dresses. I also like “long-haired Halle” better. She has killer legs and that dress showed those gams off to perfection. My only criticism is that she should have worn pointy-toed, cleavage, bearing heels instead.
Halle Berry gets my nod for one of the evening’s best dressed. I don’t think she’ll fail the pencil test for a bra the way Zeta-Jones will. I’m putting this photo on the fridge to stop me from eating. But WTF is with all the see-through dresses?
My other criticism. What’s with the see-through dresses? Seriously. I can’t stand see-through clothing—it has nothing to do with modesty either. Hell, I go topless on the beaches in France so to some I’m most likely the most immodest woman on earth. But the see-through dresses are just not attractive. On anyone.
Dakota Johnson. Hands down. The best dressed of the night. I can’t even with the back of that gown. And the cut and style—everything about her look was just so beautiful. And in a sea of boredom, she stood out even more beautifully than ever!
This dress literally took my breath away. Seriously, she should have saved this for the Oscars because this is an Oscar-worthy dress. OMG. I am in love with this. Kate Hudson needs to hire Dakota Johnson’s stylist. So does Zeta-Jones!
Angelina Jolie. Angie. Angie. Angie. Do I have to fly to Brignoles, France and knock on your door to tell you how disappointed I was in your Globes attire? Come on. You are the most beautiful woman on earth and you wore a get up that was far too matronly. Dayum. I’m almost 63 years old and I wouldn’t wear that granny outfit. Bring back that infamous dress with the high slit you wore to the Oscars a few years back!
Whoever this Just Jared is, I want to thank him for taking the greatest GG pics! Angie. Why? Why are you dressing in a dress that Totie Fields or Phyllis Diller would have worn. This is not you. Go back to the slits. Please.
Emma Watson. No. Just. No. If you are aspiring to look Amish, come to my house and I’ll drive you to Lancaster County, PA. It’s just a half-hour away from me.
Emma, you played Belle. Why wear a dress that is a cross between an Amish ball gown and one that looks like those weird ears on a lizard–the sleeves. No. Just. No!
Mandy Moore. Thank you so much for adding a splash of color by wearing a red sash. But you should have worn your hair down.
I love that splash of red over the drab black gown. There’s too much material on the bottom of this one.
What? Are you trying to look like the lady in the American Gothic painting? The hair is too severe for your bone structure. A looser pulled back look would have been stunning!
And Mandy. Don’t ever wear your hair pulled back like that again. It’s too severe for your beautiful face. You need a loose look to soften the angles. I know this. I have a very square face.
Frances McDormand. BINGO!! My second-favorite look of the evening! She wore Navy Blue! Frances McDormand is not only the best actress (Yes. I’m being sexist by calling her out as an actress because I’m separating the sexes. She is better than any male actor.), but she’s a rebel by wearing blue in that black sea of fashion boredom. McDormand is the reason I watched the Golden Globes. I was dying to see her win because she was so great in Three Billboards. And she did win.
First of all, I was thrilled she won because her performance in Three Billboards was stellar. Secondly, just the fact she wore navy proved she has more balls than all those combined of the men in the audience! Add to that, there is nothing phony or pretentious about this woman. She is comfortable with no makeup. Oh I love her. I’m even giving her a pass on the Eileen Fisher “style” of the dress. She’s still my second-best dressed of the evening. Go you, Frances–and you better win that Oscar!
How could anyone not love her? She offered to buy Tequila shots for all her fellow women nominees. Damn. I wish I was there! I wish I was nominated for a Golden Globe! Her speech, although who knows why she was bleeped so many times, was the best. The woman exhibited a sense of humor that was surely lost during the rest of the event!
And speaking of those black dresses. Do people not realize that RED is a more empowering color? Hell yes! If I were there I would have worn my red heels. Red is a more “in your face” color. Black fades in with the background. Isn’t it better to wear a more empowering color and one for hope rather than a color associated with the maudlin and death?
If I were at the Golden Globes, MY symbolic dress would have been red high heels because I could stamp out the abuse and discrimination. I would have worn jeans as an homage to all the normal, middle and lower, working class women who can’t afford designer duds! THAT symbolism would have been more believable. Red. It is an empowering color!
Think about it.
Let me tell you something. I’m a #metoo. As are most women. And we’ve all had our share of abuse, hardship, bullying and discrimination from men. But nobody brings up the white elephant in the room about the abuse coming from other women. Have any of you ever worked with a female boss or supervisor who was totally abusive? I’ll bet you did because I know that I wasn’t the only one.
Yes. I’ve been the smart fat girl, and have also suffered my share of abuse and discrimination from a woman superior. So let’s talk equality–OK???
Have you ever seen the shaming that women exhibit towards other women on social media? Men aren’t the only abusers or purveyors of harassment. And it’s one thing to give a fun and tongue-in-cheek assessment of what women are wearing on the awards shows. But to viciously attack someone for going against the wearing o’ the black is another. And Twitter was rife with McDormand Shaming! Not cool. Not cool at all.
There is, however, hope for all of us. And that hope comes in the form of Oprah Winfrey. Although Reese Witherspoon’s introduction had me eye-rolling because I just wanted her to shut up and hand the award and mike over to Oprah, as soon as Winfrey took to the podium. I knew it would be one of the best moments of the evening.
This. This. Hope + Oprah. Hoprah. The artist who created this is a genius!
And it was. For her to win the Cecil B. DeMille award was a shining moment and my girl Oprah had me at “Linoleum”. Here’s the link Oprah’s Acceptance Speech.
Oprah needs to run for President of These United States in 2020. And here’s just a few reasons why.
Oprah. Our next President? Let’s hoprah so! Note to Bobbi Boss wigs–can you create a wig just like Oprah’s hair style? I want this.
The world loves and adores her. She would be an exemplary example of a great leader in foreign policy.
She has a book club! She would make America read again!
Oprah. Are you reading this? Can I send my book to you when completed? You’ll make America READ again–and we need that!
We can all, as an overweight nation relate. She’s knows the weight loss struggle is real.
Oprah. I remember the day you did this. I watched your show religiously. I struggle too. we all struggle with our weight!!
She can give a bad-ass speech better than anyone!
She is a great actor—and that counts when one must remain calm. She will be able to channel her inner calm acting skills when her nerves are put to the test.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.she’s good. Just like her soup.
Ohhhh..That’s Good. Soup! Soup! Is there nothing this woman can’t do?
She is intelligent and smart. And she made the rise from journalist to—OPRAH!!!!!!
She is a humanist.
She can get the entire country out to vote—and vote for her. OMG—the Republicans and their electoral collage wouldn’t stand a chance!!!!
Maybe she will give all of us new cars!
She is hope!
Steadman would make a fine “First Man”
Steadman would be a great First Man. Maybe I can be hired as his secretary. I mean, he’ll have to have someone handle his schedule because President Winfrey will be busy with world issues and……
I know—there’s much talk about Oprah in 2020. And I’ve been reading many tweets and such about the fact she isn’t a politician. But—how do you think this successful woman became so successful. She knows her politics and she would be so much better than what we have now.
We need a woman in the White House. We need Oprah. We need her in 2020!
Look how presidential Oprah looks. Oprah. Please run for President. Please…….
PS. A lot good the black dresses did when Greta Gerwig wasn’t even nominated for best director. That just proves women have far more to do than wear a black dress to get their point across.
Here we have a talented woman director and no nomination. Hmmmm..looks like you’ll need more than black dresses to get the point across!
Speaking of talented women, I did another review–and this is of the Bobbi Boss Weave-a-Wig! How appropriate! (watch Chippy in the background)
You were thinking what I was thinking last night Catherine!
When women wear black to support a cause, they shouldn’t look like they shopped at Frederick’s of Hollywood for the outfit!
Funny how Dakota Johnson of the 50’s Shades of Gray trilogy (lots of sex) looked the classiest of the younger generation.
Catherine Zeta Jones falls into the category of women who still want to look 20, but no matter how much work they have done, shouldn’t.
Halle Berry, why?
Oprah, yes she would be a fantastic President.
At least she doesn’t need to go on twitter to remind people she is a stable genius.
Robin–right????? The see-through dresses, I just could not wrap my head around that one. I’ll never figure the entertainment field out in their thinking. I hope the Oscars are more entertaining!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
So true about women bosses! It’s hard to get angry at the men when women can be so awful to female subordinates.
Right??? And nobody talks about it. I “get” that women need to be empowered, but there is as much abuse in the workplace from women as men–I’m not talking sexual but bullying and other forms! Glad you noticed that!!! XOXOXOXO
Catherine, I love you but I don’t agree with all of this…and I hope it’s okay to say that. 😀 I do love Oprah and her speech was nothing short of amazing! I do admire and love Frances McDormand, too. And yes, I have recently in fact had a verbally abusive female boss. But this is about sexual harassment, attempted rape in some cases, and at the very least sexual assault.
I actually was very moved by the all black gowns and the show of solidarity against the sexual misconduct and abuse of women in show business. It’s been a long time coming that these women start talking and support one another. So, it goes beyond empowerment. I also think Catherine Zeta looked amazing. I do agree that Ricky Gervais’ humor would have spiced it up a bit.
Anyway, as I said I LOVE you and your blog but I just happen to disagree with you on this one.
OMG. Lisa! This is a blog where we can all come together to share our opinions and respect each other! I just got off the phone with my daughter who feels exactly the same way as you do. That’s what it’s about. The fact that we can speak our minds is a great thing–and here is where we can do it!!!! XOXOXOXOXO!!!
Thanks, Catherine. I felt bad saying exactly how I felt and ironically, it’s my new year’s theme to be fearlessly authentic. Yes, speaking our minds in honesty is so important and being okay with different points of view. xxoo
I agree 100% re Oprah for President, with Michelle Obama as Vice President please… just imagine that! #TIMESUP #Oprah2020 #OprahforPresident
That would be the ideal ticket!! And we would still be able to see our Obama on TV with his Veep Wife. Allsome!!! XXOXOXOXO!!!!
I liked the black attire, and I loved that no one was asking anyone ‘who are you wearing?’ The conversations on the red carpet were interesting and genuine. I’d like to see all the award shows be like that. And Oprah did give a great speech 🙂
Hi Lori! I live for “Who are you wearing”–and miss Joan Rivers so much –I wish she was still with us to get her opinion. And I like that question because it gives credit to the people who design and construct the clothing. While the celebrities are pontificating their mission they are doing so in a dress that someone painstakingly made and it goes unnoticed. Which is why I am a firm believer that they all should have worn everyday clothing instead! Oh Oprah’s speech was epic!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
It’s not that I don’t like knowing, or think that designers shouldn’t get credit, but back in the day, that was done by the fashion magazines after the awards. Actually, they still do and I study it each issue. I just think that lately TOO much emphasis was put on appearance instead of letting actors talk about the roles they are nominated for or something else related to the ceremony at hand. As if the women are only what and who they wear. But hey, viva la difference! 🙂
Frances McDormand second best dressed? What are you smoking?? I love her too, but she looks like she dressed from a sad, blind, nun’s closet…
Hi Patricia! I swear I’m not smoking anything! The reason that McDormand was that second best dressed was because she went against the grain and wore navy and the dress was her. She’s not fussy. No frills. No BS. No makeup. No styled hair. What you see is what you get and I do admire her for that. No way would I wear that Eileen Fisher looking frock but for her–it was perfect!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
Your comment about Angelina Jolie’s outfit looking like Totie Fields or Phyliss Diller was hilarious:)
Hi Donna! LOL!! I’m so glad you “got” that! I definitely gave my age away with that one but it’s so true. Diller and Fields always wore those feathery tunic top things like that. I love Angie, but that dress channeled a different vibe!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
MY ITALIAN said the SAME THING!!!!!!!
Elizabeth! Those European men think alike!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
Old this was hilarious and raw. Genuine at best- loved your recap!
Thanks McKenz!!!! I can’t wait for the Oscars–or can I? LOL XOXOXOXO!!!!
The see-through look was worn by so many, maybe too many. The non see through dresses really stood out and looked very glamorous.
Your video about wigs was excellent, so informative. I have been thinking for quite some time about getting some type of wig for the top of my head with bangs for some volume, for when my thyroid issues make my hair thin on top, my dark roots are showing, or for when a hair stylist has wrecked my bangs, or all of the above are going on at the same time. I knew very little about wigs and am learning so much from you.
I thought Chippy was so funny. He wants his own video. When he left to get his bone and then came back, he purposely planted himself so he could co-star in your video, and then he had the bright idea to get the blanket to chew on. Amazing how he stayed on camera the whole time. He is a cute mischief maker. Definitely not camera shy.
Hi Susie! Yeah. I didn’t get why the see through look was so popular. It’s certainly not my favorite. Well, I am glad that you liked my wig video. It’s a learning process. When I think back to my first wigs compared to what I am wearing now, it is a world of difference–in the best way. And I’m still learning!!! I’m telling you, I’m addicted to wig reviews on Youtube. They’ve helped me tremendously. And Chippy. He’s a ham, he is. He loves his camera time!!! Always stealing the spotlight!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
I heard about the black dress code on the radio and wasn’t surprised…those ‘luvvies’ are so up themselves. Wearing black was completely inappropriate in my view, like you said, nobody died. I’m all for equality too and stamping out sexual harrassment but I felt this was OTT. I didn’t watch it but from your post I think Dakota Johnson’s frock is tops, very elegant. I’m afraid I don’t agree with you on Halle, I think she looks tacky….those transparent outfits are tarty not classy.
Oprah for president…why not? The oaf wasn’t a politician and it didn’t stop him.
Great post Cathe, very amusing! Xx
Hi Fiona. Yeah–but Halle has such a bitchin’ body that she looks great in anything. I moreso liked the fact she went with a short dress rather than the gown but the see through look isn’t my fave! Oh–I had a big discussion with Oona on the black dresses. We completely disagreed with each other. She thought it was great and I will stand by my thoughts that they looked like they were going to a funeral. But that dress Dakota Johnson won is just iconic in it’s simple cut and beauty with that back!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
Frances McDormand is the only woman you mentioned here that I like and can actually stand! (Yes, I’m usually in the minority.) She always dressed like she just found something that fit and though, “OK I’m done.” You know … like I probably would! I also like Halle Berry better with short hair, but I like short hair in general, so there’s that. LOL
I absolutely CANNOT STAND Oprah. And the thought of her running for President makes me sick, so I prefer to pretend that it just won’t happen.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband recently. I said, “You know who I can’t stand?” And he replied, “You mean besides everything and everyone?” I had to give him his due there. 😉
Bridget! I’m howling here! When I say to Bonaparte “You know who/what I can’t stand” he answers the same as your husband–and he adds “I swear ou ahr more Frahhh-nch zhen I emmmmm” Oprah. Either you love her or you can’t stand her. I find there is no middle ground with her! It’s so funny!! I freakin’ love McDormand. She’s better than Streep in acting ability and Frances better snag that Oscar. She was fantastic in Three Billboards!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
I watched the first fifteen minutes but always get bored with these events particularly the repetitive speeches. Hate see-through dresses in any colour. Thanks for posting Oprah speech as would like to hear it. Have a great week Catherine
Hi Yvonne. Yeah. The speeches have a tendency to be repetitive but man, Oprah gave one badass speech. She was epic!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
You know what irks the hell out of me? The women all scream and holler about how they’ve been objectified and taken advantage of, then they show up in these see-through outfits or with their little girls hanging over their necklines as if to say “Look at me1 I’m fabulous and you can’t have me!” No one will ever make me believe they DO NOT KNOW they are using their bodies to get what they want. Be it attention or anything else. I would never want women to NOT be able to say their truth — especially with abuse, but as you so rightly observed, abuse is not a game that’s limited to men. Enough is enough. Put on some damn classy clothes and stop parading your wares in front of everyone. Just my opinion, however… 😉
Actually Lady Callen, I was thinking of writing what you stated. However, it seems that when women write your words and thoughts, they get slammed. I absolutely agree with you on that. And women can dress beautifully and show their figures off without showing the wares. I’m actually very glad that you brought that up. Thank you!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
Of all the posts you do, THESE are my favorites. They never fail to make me giggle! <3
Love what calensariel has said! Stop with the provocative clothing – learn to dress well. Next year at this rate, they may all be nude! I think it is hypocritical to yell abuse and then dress so sexually exposed.
Hi Olwyn. Lady Calen!! She’s always spot on!!! I’m sure they wore see through to make some sort of point–what it is, I don’t know!! XOXOXOXO!!!!
Oh so sad – I didnt see it but honestly there is no glamour (wandering about in a transparant dress showing your underpants isn’t glamourous, it just isn’t), they all look so samey and dull and well ordinary (how long have these transparent dresses been going on – it feels like forever, it is not daring, there is no shock factor and frankly showing off your body parts is now boring, BORING), sad – when did Hollywood become so “meh”? Also most of these actresses are indistinguishable from each other – I swear these women have a committee of tiny hamsters inside their heads pulling strings that are governed by remote control – nothing characterful about them, therefore no expectation they will be characterful actresses. I don’t know much about Frances McDormand but she does stand out as different (always gets my vote), as for Kate Hudson – I may be doing a very lovely woman a disservice but I find her and her mother charmless and contrived (imagine what they might say about me then! 🙂 ). Sadly dull dressing (even allowing for the black) and dull women, vapid, ornery and not very interesting (unless you count self-interested – at least as far as I can tell). Oh dear I don’t come across as very pleasant but such a disappointment, I did enjoy your report though – shame we are not all watching it together, that would be a riot (and yes WE would wear red!).
I didn’t watch it but your post was entertainment enough! You should definitely be on Goggle Box ‘cos I’d love to hear what you have to say about The Bachelorette or how about a post about those Dance Moms?
I don’t like any of the dresses you’ve shown, except Dakota’s, which would have looked a lot better in red,
And yes Oprah’s speech was wonderful.