My Laptop Turned Me Into a Monster Today. And I Am Not Ashamed!

Oh yes.  This is the true confession of how my laptop turned me into a monster, how my poor husband had to deal with my tantrums, and how Chippy still remains, at 6:02 PM, petrified of the sound of my voice!

He’s not moving.  His ears are still in pain from the sound of my screeching, Banshee, Long Island accented wails!

It all started out somewhat innocently.  About two months ago, Bonaparte purchased a printer for my laptop.  It was a very nice gesture and one that was well-needed.  I’ve been emailing him documents to print and I am sure he was hoping that I would stop bothering him and use a printer of my own.

The printer stood on the floor, in his office, for quite some time.  I didn’t want to install the it during the holidays because there was too much going on.

The printer that really belongs in the trash!

And so, last week, Saturday to be exact, we decided to configure the printer with my computer.

Things didn’t work out too well.  Apparently, the HP printer could not be configured with my laptop.  I did some troubleshooting and a message popped up stating that the printer could NOT be configured with my laptop.

I told Bonaparte to take the piece of $hit computer back to Best Buy.

Image result for best buy

For me, it’s more like Best Bye Bye!

Alas, Monsieur is just as stubborn as I am, and he insisted that we bring the printer, along with my laptop to Best Buy so that The Geek Squad could set up the printer to my laptop. BTW, the *——-ing printer is wireless.

We pay a fee to have Geek Squad service whatever issues we have so it was no big deal.

Or was it?

I had a bad feeling about this.  Seriously—I wanted that printer out of my domain. But, to comply with the Frenchman’s wishes, we went off to Best Buy.  And I missed the second half of “Ellen” to do this. OK?

Yeah. My pretend best friend Ellen had a great show today. She gave away $10,000.  I coulda been a contenda!!

Luckily, there was no wait as we went up to the Geek Squad counter.  Bonaparte explained that we needed to configure the wireless printer to the laptop.  I explained that the printer wasn’t compatible with the laptop.  Nobody paid attention to me.

All the while, I felt something would go wrong.  I was told the printer was now installed and working—the test paper produced a printed product—but I still didn’t feel quite right about this process.

And then, we arrived home.  I plugged the laptop in, confident that my feelings of wrath were wrong.

My Google Chrome page wasn’t opening.  In fact, nothing was opening.  I tried to gain access to my blog to no avail.  No email.  No internet. No documents that could be opened. No nuthin’ –and I went into such an incredible emotional state that even Linda Blair’s Regan MacNeil character from The Exorcist would have been running for cover from me.

Seriously, had Regan MacNeil witnessed ME, the devil inside her would have been stunned!

Bonaparte, seeing the horrific state that I was in, quickly called The Geek Squad.  And he tried, in vain, to tell the technical support staff member what happened.

And I, just 10 weeks shy of my 63rd birthday, had a bona fide temper tantrum.

This is nothing compared to what I was doing in our house!

Words spewed out of my mouth that even I never heard before. I may have been either shouting in tongues or perhaps I truly was a Polyglot in my ability to curse multi-lingual!

I started to throw things.  Yeah. I did.

Well, what I threw were books and one of my journal binders ripped in half, papers flying all over.

My little binder journal literally broke in two–and I hurt my finger!

And these papers–they were strewn all over the house.

It was at this point that Chippy ran upstairs in terror and hid under our bed.

I had turned into a monster.  All because of a laptop and a printer!

Yeah–this was me–with a wig!

Bonaparte and the Geek Squad tech could not resolve the issue by phone.  We had to drive back to Best Buy.

Now—you must realize, that when we arrived home from Best Buy the first time, it was just after five and I hastily took off my clothes and put my pajamas on.  Going back to Best Buy, I quickly threw on a pair of jeans, loafers and threw a coat on.  Luckily, I hadn’t taken my wig off!

I kept the top on–I should have just gone back in my PJ’s, but it would have given Bonaparte a heart attack!

Also, luckily, upon arriving at Best Buy, the Geek Squad guy who originally helped us was still there.

Bonaparte, carrying the printer from hell, followed me as I marched up to the counter and placed my laptop upon it.  Shouting in my most high-pitched, nasal, Long Island Accent “My Laptop isn’t working!!!!!”  “What did you dooooooooooooo?”.

I was seething!

The look of fear in Bonaparte’s eyes was intense. He knew what I was capable of.  Even in public for I have no shame.  The Geek Squad guy opened the computer while I literally jumped up and down flailing my arms, fake hair moving to and fro, chanting rhythmically “It’s not working!”  “It’s not working!!!”

I didn’t say that, but boy, don’t be surprised if someone took a video of my, jumping up and down and rotating–yes, rotating while whining that my computer wasn’t working.  I know it’s going to show up somewhere!  And I will take credit for my bad behavior!

Under normal circumstances, I love an audience.  But this wasn’t the time as others in the store started walking over to see what the commotion was.    And it was me! Yes.  I was the commotion.

In the end, it turned out that I was correct.  The printer was not compatible with the laptop.  And Bonaparte was unable to return it because he left the receipt home.

Thankfully, upon arriving home and plugging my laptop in, it worked like a charm and I am, therefore, able to confess to you, once again, of my very naughty behavior!

Back to work and always willing to entertain!!!

Tomorrow the printer will be returned, with the receipt, for a refund.  Bonaparte has already told me that I do not have to accompany him.

Well, at least my Frenchman is taking this back by himself!  Perhaps then, I will be able to watch Ellen’s Birthday show????!!!

My finger hurts, my voice is hoarse but we had a few laughs about this debacle over dinner!

And Bonaparte was secretly relieved that I went incognito–as a blonde!  

So, ladies—when was the last time you had a great emotional meltdown or tantrum. I know that I’m not the only one!!!  Spill the beans and make yourself feel better!!!!

And to pat myself on the back, I’m listening to Spin Doctors “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong”!


About Catherine

Far from perfect, but enjoying life as a non-perfect and flawed individual at 60 years young. I'm still wondering what I'll be when I grow up! The characters in my life's screenplay include my better half. He is a refined Frenchman who grew up in Paris and summered in St. Tropez. I grew up in Long Island and summered in Long Island. I am not refined. My three grown children are also a big part of my life. For their sake, they happily live where their careers have taken them! But I can still mother them from a distance! I write about the mundane. I write about deeply shallow issues. But whatever I write or muse about--it'll always be a bit on the humorous and positive side! It's all good!
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33 Responses to My Laptop Turned Me Into a Monster Today. And I Am Not Ashamed!

  1. kindapuffy says:

    Ugh Geek Squad. Honestly they just teach those guys how to use Google to find the answers 😂😂

    • Catherine says:

      Oh Puffy. I should have video’d the conversation between my husband and the tech on the phone. It was crazy–she had no idea what to do. And we’re paying for this!!!! XOXOXOXO

  2. Christine D says:

    So funny……..made me think of blowouts I’ve had.
    One time in an important negotiation, I had been working on these negotiations for a long time, I didn’t like what the other side was offering and I was beyond frustrated(good excuse ha), so I told them their offer sucked, that they should sit down for the rest of my tirade. I said I wont be manipulated and they had better shit or get off the pot, that I was tired of being fucked with.
    We’ll they didn’t say much and I was mortified at what came out of my mouth……but the next day we had a perfect offer from them that solved everything.
    But you know what, if a guy did it in the board room, he would be considered a shrewd negotiator,
    a bit of an a hole . But when a women does it the whole room goes quiet, it’s like mom finally blew her cork and says go to your room now and wait til your father gets home This blow out of mine happened after many meetgs where I had been polite and sweet…….and increasingly agitated.) I have been quiet and well spoken far too long. While I don’t want to lose my cool and have to apologise later, its about fucken time I lost my cool, said what I felt without holding back. Men do it all the time. I think of the 60’s as time for the authentic voice to come out. Hard thing for me (another excuse) is that I grew up with the man that seemed to write the swearword dictionary,
    I am very fluent in that vocabulary. Most of the time I choose not to use that language, but every now and then, when the stress is turned up (excuse) I revert to language I’m fluent in and it’s not pretty……..but it feels good. Now they know I’m tough and can go to the hard places and get things done and that if they treat me well, I will do same, but if they croos me I am a force to be wreckoned with. Good thing is I have cultivated a longer fuse.
    One of my favorite computer cartoons show a man sitting at a keyboard, his screen says for help hit any key. Next frame shows him with a sledgehammer hitting the keyboard. Best leave computer stuff to the techies.

  3. Nancy says:

    I hate hate hate to buy technology–I got a new iphone in December and it was a nightmare beyond all proportion. I had to get a new one in the mail, mail back the old one, try to back it up from my computer; then when that didn’t work I ran to two Sprint stores where the staff were mostly young kids with scary tats and no people skills. I had to change passwords to various accounts and restore stuff from clouds, etc. And this was the week before Christmas when I had no time for this with company coming and shopping to do…what. a nightmare. I broke down in tears while trying to finish the data transfer. Somewhere in the process I lost 300 photos.
    I never want to change phones again. Nev. Er.
    I know your pain.

    • Catherine says:

      Nancy–is it an Apple iPhone? If so, I think you can go to apple and they can retrieve your photos. Do not even get me started on the phones! New phones are a catastrophic experience!!! XOXOXOXOXO!!!!

  4. lifelessons says:

    That is a klller lead-in. Who would be capable of not reading this after reading the intro sentence? Glad all is well again. See if he ever buys you anything electrical again. HP is temperamental. I have two of their lazer printers.. one color.. and at any given time at least one is not working. They do give a lovely result when working, though..

  5. Personally, I think you were very reasonable. I would go crazy also. Can’t remember that last time I freaked out but I have. This stuff makes one NUTS! So have a stiff drink and pat yourself on the back because you told them they were not compatible!!!!!

    • Catherine says:

      OMG. Sandy!!!! Bonaparte told me last night after all went back to normal that it’s a great thing he learned not to pay attention to me at times!! i.e., when I’m having one of my famous meltdowns. Even as a child, my dad would oftentimes recite …”There was a little girl, with a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good and when she was bad, she was horrid” My dad was prolific!!! XOXOXOXO

  6. Shouting in tongues!! Love it! I’m going to try that next time I have a Melt down. My trigger points are: kids losing their school shoes – what do they do, eat them?!; family eating my special diet treat food – the gits!! They are all skinny and can eat whatever they want, I come home from work last night and they’ve eaten ALL the Greek yoghurt and low carb granola I had bought that morning. For me. Still fuming; husband taking my diet cokes out of the fridge to ‘make room’ so they are no longer cold; sitting on the sofa and leaping up as I realise I am sitting on an old bowl of cereal – WITH SPOON – which child has shoved under a cushion. I could go on… 😂

    • Catherine says:

      LOL…I remember those days when my kids would go after my “special” food. I was like a hurricane!!!! But it didn’t stop them!!!!!!!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!

  7. jilly says:

    Sidney Poitier was asked what his motto was to deal with the inevitable rascist shit that came his way; he said ‘Grace under pressure’ . I’ve tried , tried .tried and the only thing that makes me lose it is ‘technology’ . The fear shown by my little close friend and constant companion cat stops me short, but humans? , they get both barrels.
    For SO long women have been trained to put up and shut up but I’ve learned that it only gets you more of the same . Sorry mom.

  8. Anne says:

    I have PTSD when I use my computer. It all began with a Dell laptop I got after having had a great Dell desk top computer. Well, the Laptop was a lemon from the day I got it, and this was before the passed the lemon law. If I was on the phone with Dell one time,Iwas on it ten more times. Each time, the two tried to walk me through a correction, each time a different one. And they kept telling me I must have downloaded something new. Which, I kept saying, I did not!! After hours and hours of frustration with my temper growing and stomach burning, they finally asked me to mail the computer back to them and they would install a new hard drive. When the computer came back, it still was causing me problems. Finally I sucked it up and trashed the computer and bought another brand. Ended up with some problems later with this one. So, with myson-in-law’s discount, I gots Mac Pro laptop. I have been very happy with the Mac, but I now mostly use my iPad, as it is smaller and I don’t have to deal with the PTSD I have every time I open a computer. Most of my ranting and raving goes internal, rather than external like you do. I think I would have been better off your way and throwing things around and screaming.

    Hope you are getting a compatible printer now for your computer.


    • Catherine says:

      Hi Anne! son Jake has had a mac for years and it’s the only laptop he’ll use. Next time, I’m getting a mac. This laptop I have now–it’s an hp and I despise it. If my finger or the edge of my palm hits a certain key, everything disappears. I literally curse this thing more than I do when I’m in my car and on the highway!!! LOL. Ohh…I kind of never internalize–my temper is off-the-wall, but I only scream, yell, jump up and down, and throw things. Back when I was married to husband number 1, I threw a bowl on the floor in anger, then hit my hand against a sofa table and actually broke a finger. It’s funny but Bonaparte never gets my anger up. At all. He’s a kind soul!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!

  9. vavashagwell says:

    Luckily I haven’t had much trouble with my tech stuff (knock on wood). But yes – I can certainly understand how frustrating this is! I use Nerds On Call for my computer stuff and have for many years. They’ve certainly resolved some situations for me, most all of it on-line and so I don’t need to go anywhere. I just log in, they access my computer remotely and away we go. I even bought my computers through them (ASUS).

  10. Juliet says:

    Trying to think of an absolute meltdown – not sure when I last had one but they are so therapeutic in terms of getting rid of all that pent up fury but I am fairly sure it would have involved matching nearly identical socks or retrieving every household mug from under the 22yr old daughters bed…The only time I have ever lost it at work/in public was with a “colleague” who used to work in our team, she was funded to do a masters, it meant we picked up a lot of her duties, one particular package of work had about 200 appraisals, she did maybe 30-40 of them I did the rest, she went to fancy conferences relating to the work (we picked up more work while she did that). Finally that package was done and dusted, the manager was so grateful to her for “her” hard work she took her out to lunch, I met them both in the lift coming back to work when she was complaining about being so full and how marvellous the food was – I let rip at her…. not nice, not pretty but she is petrified of me now and doesnt try that nonsense with me or people close to me, that was a mild puff of steam as far as I was concerned.

    Nr.1 autistic child looks after my computer needs – he is wonderfully logical and calming.

    • Catherine says:

      Oh Juliet. I’ve had countless screaming matches with Oona over the state of her room when she was younger. And she grew up to be incredibly neat!!!! Now about those co-workers who take credit for others’ hard work–don’t even get me started. That’s one of the things I do NOT miss by being in an office environment. Every office has one of those and nothing is ever done about their unethical behavior. I can’t even on that one!!!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!

  11. calensariel says:

    Last Monday night! Tried telling these two wingnuts I live with they don’t have to WAIT for me to ask for help. They’re adults. If they see something that needs to be done, they just need to get off their keisters and do it! Two-hour shouting match… (In my defense, I was just following Dr. SidiQ’s orders!!!)

    • Catherine says:

      Hey!! Lady Calen!! I swear, shouting is great therapy!! I’ve always been a yeller–never placed a hand to my kids in anger. Just yelled and I got my point across. We need more shouting in this world!!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!! LOL–now that I’m older I’m the new version of “Old Yeller”!!!! XOXOXOXOXO

  12. Momcat says:

    ENOUGH ABOUT THE MELTDOWN!!!! Lets talk about the WIG!! You look like you’re 35 in that, honestly. ( or was it that melt down victory glow??) I wasn’t so sure about you going blonde BUT with those glasses and makeup you look awesome and the blonde suits you!! I love darker eyeglass frames!

  13. Catherine, I love your stories. I think we’ve all had those moments. Mine usually revolve around being unable to find some piece of paperwork that I should have filed in a safe place. It is safe alright! No one can find it, not even me! Ha, ha. Glad your computer was still okay after all of that. – Amy

    • Catherine says:

      Hi Ames!!! LOL–I’ve had those “wheredidIputthatpieceofpaper” moments. I’m convinced we need to place certain items in unsafe places because they will be easier to find!!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!

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  15. Amen to this! so much relate..*cried

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