Oh yes. This is the true confession of how my laptop turned me into a monster, how my poor husband had to deal with my tantrums, and how Chippy still remains, at 6:02 PM, petrified of the sound of my voice!
He’s not moving. His ears are still in pain from the sound of my screeching, Banshee, Long Island accented wails!
It all started out somewhat innocently. About two months ago, Bonaparte purchased a printer for my laptop. It was a very nice gesture and one that was well-needed. I’ve been emailing him documents to print and I am sure he was hoping that I would stop bothering him and use a printer of my own.
The printer stood on the floor, in his office, for quite some time. I didn’t want to install the it during the holidays because there was too much going on.
The printer that really belongs in the trash!
And so, last week, Saturday to be exact, we decided to configure the printer with my computer.
Things didn’t work out too well. Apparently, the HP printer could not be configured with my laptop. I did some troubleshooting and a message popped up stating that the printer could NOT be configured with my laptop.
I told Bonaparte to take the piece of $hit computer back to Best Buy.
For me, it’s more like Best Bye Bye!
Alas, Monsieur is just as stubborn as I am, and he insisted that we bring the printer, along with my laptop to Best Buy so that The Geek Squad could set up the printer to my laptop. BTW, the *——-ing printer is wireless.
We pay a fee to have Geek Squad service whatever issues we have so it was no big deal.
Or was it?
I had a bad feeling about this. Seriously—I wanted that printer out of my domain. But, to comply with the Frenchman’s wishes, we went off to Best Buy. And I missed the second half of “Ellen” to do this. OK?
Yeah. My pretend best friend Ellen had a great show today. She gave away $10,000. I coulda been a contenda!!
Luckily, there was no wait as we went up to the Geek Squad counter. Bonaparte explained that we needed to configure the wireless printer to the laptop. I explained that the printer wasn’t compatible with the laptop. Nobody paid attention to me.
All the while, I felt something would go wrong. I was told the printer was now installed and working—the test paper produced a printed product—but I still didn’t feel quite right about this process.
And then, we arrived home. I plugged the laptop in, confident that my feelings of wrath were wrong.
My Google Chrome page wasn’t opening. In fact, nothing was opening. I tried to gain access to my blog to no avail. No email. No internet. No documents that could be opened. No nuthin’ –and I went into such an incredible emotional state that even Linda Blair’s Regan MacNeil character from The Exorcist would have been running for cover from me.
Seriously, had Regan MacNeil witnessed ME, the devil inside her would have been stunned!
Bonaparte, seeing the horrific state that I was in, quickly called The Geek Squad. And he tried, in vain, to tell the technical support staff member what happened.
And I, just 10 weeks shy of my 63rd birthday, had a bona fide temper tantrum.
This is nothing compared to what I was doing in our house!
Words spewed out of my mouth that even I never heard before. I may have been either shouting in tongues or perhaps I truly was a Polyglot in my ability to curse multi-lingual!
I started to throw things. Yeah. I did.
Well, what I threw were books and one of my journal binders ripped in half, papers flying all over.
My little binder journal literally broke in two–and I hurt my finger!
And these papers–they were strewn all over the house.
It was at this point that Chippy ran upstairs in terror and hid under our bed.
I had turned into a monster. All because of a laptop and a printer!
Yeah–this was me–with a wig!
Bonaparte and the Geek Squad tech could not resolve the issue by phone. We had to drive back to Best Buy.
Now—you must realize, that when we arrived home from Best Buy the first time, it was just after five and I hastily took off my clothes and put my pajamas on. Going back to Best Buy, I quickly threw on a pair of jeans, loafers and threw a coat on. Luckily, I hadn’t taken my wig off!
I kept the top on–I should have just gone back in my PJ’s, but it would have given Bonaparte a heart attack!
Also, luckily, upon arriving at Best Buy, the Geek Squad guy who originally helped us was still there.
Bonaparte, carrying the printer from hell, followed me as I marched up to the counter and placed my laptop upon it. Shouting in my most high-pitched, nasal, Long Island Accent “My Laptop isn’t working!!!!!” “What did you dooooooooooooo?”.
I was seething!
The look of fear in Bonaparte’s eyes was intense. He knew what I was capable of. Even in public for I have no shame. The Geek Squad guy opened the computer while I literally jumped up and down flailing my arms, fake hair moving to and fro, chanting rhythmically “It’s not working!” “It’s not working!!!”
I didn’t say that, but boy, don’t be surprised if someone took a video of my, jumping up and down and rotating–yes, rotating while whining that my computer wasn’t working. I know it’s going to show up somewhere! And I will take credit for my bad behavior!
Under normal circumstances, I love an audience. But this wasn’t the time as others in the store started walking over to see what the commotion was. And it was me! Yes. I was the commotion.
In the end, it turned out that I was correct. The printer was not compatible with the laptop. And Bonaparte was unable to return it because he left the receipt home.
Thankfully, upon arriving home and plugging my laptop in, it worked like a charm and I am, therefore, able to confess to you, once again, of my very naughty behavior!
Back to work and always willing to entertain!!!
Tomorrow the printer will be returned, with the receipt, for a refund. Bonaparte has already told me that I do not have to accompany him.
Well, at least my Frenchman is taking this back by himself! Perhaps then, I will be able to watch Ellen’s Birthday show????!!!
My finger hurts, my voice is hoarse but we had a few laughs about this debacle over dinner!
And Bonaparte was secretly relieved that I went incognito–as a blonde!
So, ladies—when was the last time you had a great emotional meltdown or tantrum. I know that I’m not the only one!!! Spill the beans and make yourself feel better!!!!
And to pat myself on the back, I’m listening to Spin Doctors “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong”!