Part Three. The Wedding.

Note: It’s been quite the crazy week.  Honestly. I come home from work and literally want to veg out.  My apologies for my tardiness on this—and awayyyyyyyy we go to Part Three!

Waking up on Saturday morning was a pleasure. Finally—the weather was cooperating with my thought process.  It was sunny and bright; It warmed up and felt like I was finally in the warm climate I traveled to.

Finally. A warm day!!!

My sisters and Aunt Terry and I met for breakfast, had a fantastic political argument which ended with Aunt Terry stating that the four of us were a perfect example of how our country was divided.

Our instructions were to show up at the Church at 2:00 PM for the marriage ceremony. But the reception wasn’t until Seven in the evening.

The four of us hopped into the car my sister rented and drove to my brother’s house for a bit before getting ready for the wedding

Oona and Yanela had to get the cake to the reception hall amid all the activity that was going on.  It was best that I stay clear out of both their ways.

Coffee and laughs and back to the hotel to get ready.

I had someone come to apply lashes at 11 AM.  Yeah. You read it right.  I paid a girl $25 to apply strip lashes to my eyes.  I didn’t feel like dealing with mascara and I am horrible at applying lashes to my own eyes. Cross-eyed people and false lash application aren’t really a good mix. Anyway, Allison who was a friend of the family showed up on time, did my lashes and we had a good time together! She was so adorable!

Well, I certainly didn’t have to spend money on a hair stylist!

My biggest issue was stressing that my dress would be too tight.  You know, I was doing so well on Weight Watchers and then the thing happened with my brother, we went to France, and the holidays zoomed in.  I am carrying about 7 extra pounds.

The dress fit thanks to an inexpensive body shaper from Walmart. Screw the Spanx—they roll down and are incredibly uncomfortable. It the cheap stuff from I Walmart that does the job with comfort!

Yayuh!  The dress fit!

With my spray tan, lashes being applied, and wearing fake hair, it didn’t take me long to get ready. In fact, while everyone else was going through the ritual of beauty and hair, I was relaxing on my hotel bed playing Candy Crush!

Dress on. Lashes on.  Wig on.  And I was all set to go!

We arrived at the Church as instructed.  The church was adorable.  St. Anthony of Padua. It’s the parish my brother and his family belong to and all three boys attended the grammar school.

This church was so stinking cute. And yes. I have a “thing” about churches. They must meet my personal tastes. This church did.

It was very old-school but bright. Not dark and dismal.

So tiny and old-school!

There’s nothing like a good statue of Jesus on the Cross to bring out the Catholic guilt of childhood…

Matt and his best man were waiting.

My sisters arriving. Thankfully, I talked my sister into taking off those horrific black pantyhose. I told her she would get an infection.

The stereotypical “Church Lady” made her appearance by announcing that “This is God’s home and we must be quiet and respectful”

We had our own Church Lady to make sure we behaved!

To which I almost got up and answered “Well, God loves a good party with loud people”.  But I was on my best behavior. For now.

I dunno who the priest was but he was from Ireland and had a slick sense of humor.  Before the ceremony, he announced that cell phones must be put away.  I gasped because it meant I could not start snapping pictures.And why did the priest look straight at me when he made that “no cell phone” announcement anyway?

The ceremony was beautiful and casual.  My son, Roman, did a reading. (I was insulted that I was not approached to stand on the pulpit but, it wasn’t my party)

I have to say, next to my daughter Oona’s wedding dress, Bella’s dress came in as my second favorite wedding dress of all time. It was short and simple.  I was shaking.  She bought it at Neiman Marcus and it made me want to go straight to that store, buy that dress and have Bonaparte and I renew our City Hall vows!

Mr. and Mrs. Wynne. And that dress. Huh?

While others were trying to get pics of the bride and groom, I shoved Matt out of the way and made Bella turn around so I could get a great shot of the back of this dress!  It’s stunning!

It’s nice welcoming a new relative into the family.  Bella is so sweet and she’s a good woman. She and Matt make a great couple. I am thoroughly happy about my new niece!

Now comes the part where I get all huffy and puffy.

With the ceremony and hanging out a bit outside the church, the time was 3:30. The reception was at 7PM.  That’s quite a bit of time.

The church had an outside grotto too.  Oh how I could use one of these!

Nobody, or rather, the out-of-towners, really didn’t know where to go. I would have been content to go back to the hotel. But—I had no control over anything because I did not have a car.

Now, you need to know something about me.  I don’t like not being in control.  When I was a child, I did not like not having my way.  I equate the adult version of “having my way” is “being in control”.  It gets worse.

Let’s just say I had a lot more in common with Veruca Salt than I did with Pollyanna. It still rings true!

With two choices of places to go and have a late lunch, my sisters, my aunt and I headed to Pancho’s, a local Mexican restaurant and about five more people were to meet us.  At 3:30 on a Saturday afternoon, you wouldn’t expect this establishment to be crowded. It was mobbed. It was small but mobbed.

Whoda thunk this joint was absolutely mobbed at 3:30 on a Saturday afternoon? Everyone said it was great. I wouldn’t know that.

And at this point I was becoming hangry. A cross between hungry and angry.

Some family conflict ensued after Oona and Yanela dropped the cake off to meet us and they went to another place.

By the time we got a table, I was beyond any form of being a reasonable human being. I hate not being in control. I cannot stand when I am in unfamiliar territory and cannot be in control.  I like everything to go my way.

So, we get the table.  And as I go to walk into the restaurant some bitch who was also waiting for a table comes up to me and says “I was first”.  This was at the point where I had to turn around, walk across the street and go and sit in the car my sister rented.  And it was because I almost punched that woman.  I knew if I didn’t walk away, there would have been an altercation.  And for some bizarre reason, I didn’t want to get arrested on my nephew’s wedding day.

Quite honestly, I didn’t want to get arrested or embarrass my children.  I HAD to be on best behavior!

While in the car, I called my husband and basically vented to him for a good forty minutes. Perhaps more. ItOK. An hour! It’s just annoying to me to not have a car or to be in control of my time and destination.

Bonaparte gave me a goodbye with his sadness that we would not be enjoying aperitifs together that night.  I promised him that it would be the same for me and I wouldn’t even be enjoying anything but diet soda at the wedding.

What I really should have done was to get off my fat, lazy ass, get out of the car and walk the two blocks back to the church to go to confession. It would have been the perfect way to while away the time and by the time I would have confessed all my sins and naughty doings and thoughts, it would have been time to head back to the hotel!

That’s right. I SHOULD have made like St. Bernadette and got on my knees rather than sit on my ass in the car whining to my husband!

Okay. Now everyone has had their late lunch and there’s still time to kill. Thankfully, we had time to drive back to the hotel to rest as well as collect my composure.

When it was time to head to the reception, we were all in great spirits.

Luckily, the reception was about two minutes from the hotel.

The reception was held at what could possibly be the cutest building I’ve ever seen. The Women’s Club of Dade City. It was like something out of an old-time movie.

The Women’s Club of Dade City was the perfect venue!

The venue was wonderful.  The DJ was fantastic. It was a very danceable crowd. And my family loves to hit the dance floor!

The food was very impressive. My sister-in-law, Mother-of-the-Groom, Beth, did an outstanding job with the Hors d’oeuvres  and finger foods.

So many lovely goodies. And I ate ’em all!

I’m watching my weight so I passed on the cupcakes!

And the best thing was that everyone was a bit full from their late lunch when they arrived.  I was hungry like an ox so I chowed down on a ton of shrimp and other goodies!

Surprisingly, I ate a good chunk of this shrimp. Even more surprisingly was as I exited the reception after many beverages, I stuffed a bunch in a plastic bag and took it back to the hotel!

After consuming so much food, I was thirsty so I got on the line at the bar.  Actually, I had to make my way through the crowd at the bar. In my family, we do open bars at weddings! So, you can imagine how crowded it was.

While on the line, I spotted a sign. It read “Pomegranate Martini” and my sister-in-law’s mother saw my scrunched-up face.  After explaining that I thought Martinis were disgusting, she talked me into ordering this Pomegranate beverage and it was life-changing.

Never in my life had I tasted such a wonderful alcoholic delight. It tasted just like Pixie Stix!  Remember those straws filled with flavored sugar?  Num Nums!  This tasted like liquid Pixie Stix.  I felt so guilty telling Bonaparte that I would not be drinking.  I lied. I didn’t feel guilty.

I got tired of waiting on the line so I had my nephews get me multiples. Yes. There was a steady supply for me!

In fact, this elixir of sorts gave me a great deal of energy that helped in keeping me active on the dance floor.

Me with Roman enjoying a Pomegranate Martini

Me with Roman and my nephew Liam after many Pomegranate Martinis.

Father-of-the-Groom, my brother Tom and me..

My two sisters. I’m sure my sister Theresa is telling my sister Germaine that I look like a damned idiot twerking on the dance floor!

Oona and my niece, Isis!

The martinis also helped my soon-to-be 18-year-old nephew, Logan to keep up with his energy level.

I love the way everyone looks after a few hours of partying!

And it’s always special when the cousins can get together!

We had a blast as Matt and Bella celebrated their new union.

They’re so stinking adorable!

Time to cut the cake!

And Yanela did a great job on the cake!

I’m not going to write about going back to the hotel after the reception because, to tell you the truth, I only remember packing to go home. Then I fell asleep because I woke up with smeared makeup and three-quarters of my lashes intact.

You know it was a great weekend when you get on the plane looking like you did the walk of shameless.  Look closely at my right eye and you can see the lashes lifting. I didn’t even care. My eye makeup was smeared from the night before.  

And that’s how I went home.  My brother and Roman picked me up at the hotel, we drove to the airport, Roman and I bid each other farewell and I, once again, was left to play Candy Crush on my phone for an hour until boarding the plane.

I must’ve frightened Bonaparte when he saw me because as soon as I got into the car he gasped and mentioned I should go straight to bed. It was three in the afternoon.

A great time was had by all. Despite my meltdown and my lack of control. And the fact I was severely hung over even as I boarded the plane, was worth it. It was great to be with family-especially for a good reason!

Isn’t this photo beautiful?  I have no idea what those haystacks are for but it is a field around the corner from my brother’s house!

I hope you enjoyed this.  Later this evening, I’ll finish packing for our weekend in New York City.  Thanks to Bonaparte, he thought it would be a great way to relieve the stress of my job lately.

I’m wondering if I should have a Pomegranate Martini when we go to dinner on Saturday night!

Make mine a triple!