Broaching a Taboo Subject! Leaky Lady Parts and A Solution!

I honestly don’t even know where to begin with this but here goes because it’s quite a taboo subject. Bladder leakage!

Hey my dear friends–someone has to broach the subject!!

Almost 38 years ago I gave birth to my first child.  Upon delivering a ten-pounder, it was a great experience that changed my life.  I felt so overcome with a love that I never experienced before. And due to the fact that my ob-gyn allowed me to partake in a completely natural childbirth (I was very Crunchy-Granola at the time), my “Origin of the World” went through some changes.

Selina Meyer Babies GIF by Veep HBO

My reaction was slightly different. but being self-centered quite similar. I said “He’s BIG. So BIG. Am I OK”? to which the nurse curtly replied “YOUR BABY is healthy”. 

I had a fourth-degree laceration which warranted having a catheter shoved up my love canal for four days. Trust me when I tell you that I loved it at the time because it made for voiding very easy. But when it was taken out, I wasn’t too eager to void!  I’m not even going to talk about the back door exit!

Regardless, that birth paved the way for the next two deliveries which were easy-peasy bladder squeezy.

And yes, I did Kegel exercises upon returning back to work. Every moment spent in an elevator was kegeling.  And even as a stay-at-home mom, I continued the Kegels randomly.


I dunno know if a machine like this would even help!

But a weird thing happened.  I began to age.  My young “origin of the world” was now an old piece of real estate. Instead of a leaky roof, I had a leaky basement. Not ridiculously leaky but leaky enough that I had to, and still do, hang around the throne a bit till the faucet stops dripping if you know what I mean.

And upon arising, there’s sometimes a bit of hidden bodily precipitation that manage to ever-so-gently slide down the thigh.  Not enough for surgery but enough that I really should wear a pad. But the fact is, during my productive ovary years, I went through a ton of pads and they were uncomfortable AF.  Presently, I deal with it and do the laundry more often than not.

peeing adam sandler GIF by IFC

In the movie “Billy Madison” perhaps it was cool to go pee pee in your pants but I’m sorry, I don’t wanna be Miles Davis. Nor do I want to be Miles River!

My current concern is the wedding party I’m attending for my bestie’s daughter later this month—Memorial Day weekend, in fact.  My great concern is dancing. Trust me, when there’s a party, I’m on that dance floor.  The Frenchman sits at the table and I’ll grab anyone that has a heartbeat and can breathe to run up to the dance floor to boogie with me.  And therein lies the issue.  My bladder MUST be completely empty.  This is a challenge because I also enjoy partaking in adult beverages at any sort of social event.  I don’t get plowed but I do enjoy a drinkie-poo or three.

This is the dress I’m wearing to the wedding party. It’s made for dancing with that slit–but I don’t need anything that resembles lemonade dripping down my legs!

So, I’m usually, emptying, dancing, leaking.  Emptying, dancing, leaking. On repeat.  At Oona’s wedding it wasn’t bad because I wasn’t drinking.  Well, just one drink, and after that I remained dry—everywhere!

Remember Oona’s wedding? I think I was the happiest Mother-of-the-Bride on earth. And I made sure I was dry!

No longer am I able to make like Jack La Lanne and perform jumping jacks—it turns into Jumping Jack Flash Flood.  I cannot dance around the house like a happy little fool because I get a bit leaky.  Trust me on this, it’s not to the point I need to call my doctor—it’s just at that little annoying point. And I’m not exclusive. It’s an issue many of us face as we pro-age.

Mick Jagger GIFs | Tenor

Note to self. Write to Mick Jagger and ask him to update the song “Jumping Jack Flash” to “Jumping Jack Flash Flood”  I wonder if he has leakage issues.

Anyway, you can just imagine how intrigued I was when the people at Zorbies, a new  brand that makes absorbent panties reached out to me and asked if I wouldn’t mind the panties out for a little review.  Since it’s a product that is conducive to our demographic, I jumped on the opportunity.

It’s a new brand and it’s nice to be able to give a shout out.

I received two pair. One pair I haven’t used yet because I’m saving it for the wedding party.

Here’s my thoughts.

The panties came in separate plastic zip-topped bags.  Personally, I like that because it lends itself well for travel.Upon taking the panties out for observation.  I noticed that they are designed in the USA and made in China.  If you have no issue with that as I have no issue, please read on.  If you don’t purchase products made in China—just out of curiosity, please read on anyway.

The brand is pretty transparent in giving information regarding the panties. Notice that they also give you the information on the various fabric layers in the bads.  As I like to air-dry many of my items, I would dry these on a rack.

I ordered the size “Medium”.  And although I’m still (pass me those chips please) making an effort to lose pandemic weight, the medium fits perfectly.

The panties are actually quite nice. Not granny looking but not hotsie-totsie either. Very pragmatic in design. I like that these come just below the belly button!

The waistline falls just below the belly-button which makes for more comfort.  A high waistline can oftentimes roll down—especially when Spandex is included in the mix.

My leggings come up mid-belly. The panties are cut with a lower waist which is great because who wants their panties sticking out from the top of their trousers, skirt or leggings?

The only bulk is my naturally flabby gut.  Even my butt has no added bulk–and there’s padding there too!

The padding—these panties, upon first glance, may appear somewhat bulky, but all that changes once you put them on.

Turned inside out.  Honestly, when I saw how much padding there is I was concerned about a bulky appearance but they aren’t bulky at all!

The trim around the legs is wonderful. I don’t know about you, but many stretchy panties have that elastic trim around the leg opening that has a tendency to “cut” into skin.  These don’t which adds to the comfort level.

The leg edges/trim/hem–whatever you want to call it doesn’t cut into the skin at all. I love that because it definitely adds to the comfort level!

The fit.  Now, I promised my husband that I would not model these panties so that my image wearing them would not be splayed over the internet. But I will attest that the padding is not bulky.  Below are photos of me wearing a pair of J. Crew leggings over the panties.  The leggings are somewhat thin but there’s no bulk from underneath. The photo from the side is the same –no added bulk, just my piggy-belly.

These leggings are pretty thin but opague. You can’t even tell I have absorbent, padded panties on…

Again, a side view and you still can’t tell. The only thing sticking out is my gut.

The padding also covers a large area where leakage might occur.  From the entrance to your origin all the way to the back. And excuse me for being vulgar but—the padding in the back is great to absorb booty juice.  There. I said it.  Some of us due to Irritable Bowel Syndrome or hemorrhoids or lack of muscle in the anal area do have a bit of the booty juice dripping out. And with the padding reaching to the back, having a larger area of absorption is a good thing!


The back view and there is padding at the back door! So go ahead and eat that gassy food!

Today I’m wearing these and without going into too much detail, I can honestly tell you, that these are working.  I literally drank two liters of Diet Peach Sparkling “Beverage” and am on my third. (Don’t judge—I know regular water is healthier).  I turned-on Black-Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling’ and danced around the house, ran up and down three flights of stairs, and did jumping jacks. I also played “Chase “with Chippy (who is now underneath the coffee table hiding from me), and these panties absorbed lady part precipitation.

Chippy is hiding from me. I wore him out and my paadded panties didn’t fail me!

The padding now feels dry because—well, the moisture was absorbed. There’s no odor. And I plan on keeping these on all day. I’ll be headed to the mall later and I feel absolutely confident.

With this padding, you are definitely well-protected!

Let’s talk price.  The Ladies Classic Moderate Classic Style, which I have runs $33.25 for a single pair and $99.75 for a four-pack.  The price is fair. The disposable brands of absorbent underwear retail for a lot more when you have to keep purchasing. So overall, the price point is very fair.

I would say the price is very fair–especially considering the cost of disposable absorbant panties!

The brand also has other options such as Period Underwear and panties where you can use removable pads.   The period panties are in the “Why-didn’t-these-exist-when-I-had-my-period” category.  When I think back to those days of tampons and maxi pads on heavy flow days—arrgh!  The tampons would leak (and I shoved two up there), the pads, even with the wings, would move and I would be left with panties that I would have to fight with my dogs to get them out of their mouths and into the wash. Many times, I just trashed the panties.  These would have been a godsend!  Plus, they are great for new moms after delivery!

All this absorbent padding would have worked well to keep my dogs from appearing as though they were in lust with me during my heavy flow days! 

In addition, there are also models for men.

More transparency from the brand!

These are sold exclusively in the continental US through the Zorbies Website  and through their eBay store if you want items shipped outside of the USA.

My overall view is very favorable! 

 What’s my overall view?  These are great.  They perform well. Aren’t bulky. Won’t stink and you can wear with confidence.   My only issue per se is with the use of the word “incontinence”. For me, it’s up there with “anti-aging” and just sounds negative.  While I realize that the incontinence term is used by physicians and the medical world as well as the brands selling products to help.   If I could create a word to use it would be “absorbitence”, or a more body-friendly term. But hey, that’s just me!

Thumbs up people!  It’s really a great item.  I’ve often thought about purchasing disposables but the Zorbies are just so much better, more cost-efficient in the long run and comfortable! 

So, jump up and down. Dance. Run. Chase the dog.  Shake your Booty.  And live with confidence if you have the leaky-lady-faucet or if other areas of your lower body are a bit—leaky!

About Catherine

Far from perfect, but enjoying life as a non-perfect and flawed individual at 60 years young. I'm still wondering what I'll be when I grow up! The characters in my life's screenplay include my better half. He is a refined Frenchman who grew up in Paris and summered in St. Tropez. I grew up in Long Island and summered in Long Island. I am not refined. My three grown children are also a big part of my life. For their sake, they happily live where their careers have taken them! But I can still mother them from a distance! I write about the mundane. I write about deeply shallow issues. But whatever I write or muse about--it'll always be a bit on the humorous and positive side! It's all good!
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18 Responses to Broaching a Taboo Subject! Leaky Lady Parts and A Solution!

  1. I discovered leak-free panties not too long ago as well! I sleep in funny positions and have a heavy flow so I kept having little “happy accidents” during my period. Not anymore with my new panties 😊

    • Catherine says:

      Hi Ang! You’re so lucky to have those panties. Ugh. When I was younger, we had nothing like that. Advanced Lady Technology–I love it! XOXOXOXO

  2. Momcat says:

    So agree that it would have made life so easy back in the pre me no daze. I. Had endometriosis so my periods were a bloody hell ride. Probably why I ran straight into the arms of menopause with nary a look back! My DIL always wore pull up diapers post birthing. Said they were much more practical than a pad and panties…I remember seeing her face when I shared the info about BELTS and pads with front and back tails…jeez!!!
    These panties look great. Honestly pee pads don’t take breathe and get really stinky after a few hours and are hard on the environment. After my bowel surgery I was having some booty leakage and these panties would have been handy. Having a pair to wear on a long flight or car trip would be handy (for some reason I pee leak a bit if I sit for a long time) I worked with a lady who had a leakage issue but appeared oblivious. One time one of the clinicians stuck her head in the door and said ‘don’t be offended but this room smells like a litter box’..that was the last straw. We elected an older, kindly, discreet and well respected woman to have the ‘convo’ with Stinky.She went to coffee with the other lady a few times and eventually broached the subject of bladder leakage and how to manage it. We never again had to make excuses to liberally spray Lysol around or spray her office chair with Febreez when she left the area…..’ yeah it was that bad.

    • Catherine says:

      Wow Alison. That story about your co-worker was so sad. The fact that the woman was seeming oblivious was incredible but it was great that the subject was handled by caring co-workers. Ugh. I had a DNC at 19 because my periods were that heavy and the OB/GYN told my mother if I didn’t have one that I could have issues later on conceiving. This is so gross but I would pass blood clots the sixe of a dessert plate. After the minor surgery, my periods were still bad but not as bad. The mere thought of those belts and pads (Ugh. Kotex) makes me ill. The stench alone is something comparible to the memory of ether. And for “sanitary” reason, I cannot, for the life of me figure out why panties such as these were not created decades ago!! XOXOXOXO

  3. Pamela Gray says:

    I suffered for too long with incontinence. I finally spoke up (through tears) to my primary care doctor who sent me to a specialist. I had bladder sling surgery and am so thankful! Why do we suffer in shame?

    • Catherine says:

      HI Pam. I’m so glad that you had the surgery. No woman should suffer like that. My mother had a “lift” from going through seven pregnancies. Trust me, when the day comes that my leakage is very problematic, I’ll be running to my doctor! XOXOXOXO

  4. Cyndy Floor says:

    This was hilarious! I am not there yet -knock wood-but will keep this brand in mind as I KNOW I will be in a very short time….

    • Catherine says:

      Cyndy. Consider yourself lucky. When mine gets worse, I’m driving to my sisters house, waiting till it gets dark out and I’ll dance around Brightwaters lake to refill any evaporation! XOXOXOXO

  5. gogosupr3me says:

    Thank you so much for your chutzpah in dealing so well with this sensite subject. There is a very thick veil drawn over all the challenging ailments that surface as you become an older lady. So nice when someone dares to confront them – with humour and practical advice. Thanks!!

    • Catherine says:

      THANK YOU!!!! I’m so glad you enjoyed the post and “get” my humor. We need to be more open about the ageing process. Certain issues shouldn’t be swept under the carpet and definitely need to be brought to fruition. You leak. So stop the leak–know what I mean? LOL! XOXOXOXOXO

  6. KB says:

    So far, so good. And yes, back in the day, those panties would have saved a lot of soaking and scrubbing! So I’ll keep these in mind…just in case…

  7. vavashagwell says:

    This is a great post! I wish these would have been available 20 years ago when my mom dealt with this problem. (I should edit that though, because she was in denial there was a problem!) She had four children and that, with her age, no doubt contributed to having to deal with this. I’ve been lucky so far I guess, but it’s good to know there are products out there to help us all should we need it!!

    • Catherine says:

      Hi Vava! Sounds like my mother describing her not having any pain during childbirth–that’s because she was knocked out! XXOXOXOXO

  8. Andrey says:

    I was just thinking about the inevitability of learning how to deal with this issue. Not there yet but it’s not a topic that is openly discussed. Thankful for you and your candor Cathe! Back when we were approaching menopause no one talked about it. Then there was Cybil Shepard and I remember being thankful for her openness to discuss the once shoved under the rug topic. You are the Cybil Shepard of bladder leaks!!

  9. cathe says:

    Thanks for sharing. Don’t have this issue yet, but I’ve learned as I “evolve” things change. Thank god someone’s talking about it. Years ago I asked my mom why she didn’t tell me what to expect at different stages in life. Her answer “well that’s because I’ve never had any of those issues.” Oh please mom. 🤦‍♀️ I Share Everything with friends and family as I want to help whenever possible. I appreciate that you do the same.

    • Catherine says:

      Hi Cathe. Oh boy. That sounds familiar. There are so many issues that our moms never addressed and I think it was just due to the way they were raised! People didn’t “talk” about such things back then. Times are changing and it’s really important to discuss this stuff! XOXOXOXO

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