I honestly don’t even know where to begin with this but here goes because it’s quite a taboo subject. Bladder leakage!

Hey my dear friends–someone has to broach the subject!!

Almost 38 years ago I gave birth to my first child.  Upon delivering a ten-pounder, it was a great experience that changed my life.  I felt so overcome with a love that I never experienced before. And due to the fact that my ob-gyn allowed me to partake in a completely natural childbirth (I was very Crunchy-Granola at the time), my “Origin of the World” went through some changes.

My reaction was slightly different. but being self-centered quite similar. I said “He’s BIG. So BIG. Am I OK”? to which the nurse curtly replied “YOUR BABY is healthy”. 

I had a fourth-degree laceration which warranted having a catheter shoved up my love canal for four days. Trust me when I tell you that I loved it at the time because it made for voiding very easy. But when it was taken out, I wasn’t too eager to void!  I’m not even going to talk about the back door exit!

Regardless, that birth paved the way for the next two deliveries which were easy-peasy bladder squeezy.

And yes, I did Kegel exercises upon returning back to work. Every moment spent in an elevator was kegeling.  And even as a stay-at-home mom, I continued the Kegels randomly.

I dunno know if a machine like this would even help!

But a weird thing happened.  I began to age.  My young “origin of the world” was now an old piece of real estate. Instead of a leaky roof, I had a leaky basement. Not ridiculously leaky but leaky enough that I had to, and still do, hang around the throne a bit till the faucet stops dripping if you know what I mean.

And upon arising, there’s sometimes a bit of hidden bodily precipitation that manage to ever-so-gently slide down the thigh.  Not enough for surgery but enough that I really should wear a pad. But the fact is, during my productive ovary years, I went through a ton of pads and they were uncomfortable AF.  Presently, I deal with it and do the laundry more often than not.

In the movie “Billy Madison” perhaps it was cool to go pee pee in your pants but I’m sorry, I don’t wanna be Miles Davis. Nor do I want to be Miles River!

My current concern is the wedding party I’m attending for my bestie’s daughter later this month—Memorial Day weekend, in fact.  My great concern is dancing. Trust me, when there’s a party, I’m on that dance floor.  The Frenchman sits at the table and I’ll grab anyone that has a heartbeat and can breathe to run up to the dance floor to boogie with me.  And therein lies the issue.  My bladder MUST be completely empty.  This is a challenge because I also enjoy partaking in adult beverages at any sort of social event.  I don’t get plowed but I do enjoy a drinkie-poo or three.

This is the dress I’m wearing to the wedding party. It’s made for dancing with that slit–but I don’t need anything that resembles lemonade dripping down my legs!

So, I’m usually, emptying, dancing, leaking.  Emptying, dancing, leaking. On repeat.  At Oona’s wedding it wasn’t bad because I wasn’t drinking.  Well, just one drink, and after that I remained dry—everywhere!

Remember Oona’s wedding? I think I was the happiest Mother-of-the-Bride on earth. And I made sure I was dry!

No longer am I able to make like Jack La Lanne and perform jumping jacks—it turns into Jumping Jack Flash Flood.  I cannot dance around the house like a happy little fool because I get a bit leaky.  Trust me on this, it’s not to the point I need to call my doctor—it’s just at that little annoying point. And I’m not exclusive. It’s an issue many of us face as we pro-age.

Note to self. Write to Mick Jagger and ask him to update the song “Jumping Jack Flash” to “Jumping Jack Flash Flood”  I wonder if he has leakage issues.

Anyway, you can just imagine how intrigued I was when the people at Zorbies, a new  brand that makes absorbent panties reached out to me and asked if I wouldn’t mind the panties out for a little review.  Since it’s a product that is conducive to our demographic, I jumped on the opportunity.

It’s a new brand and it’s nice to be able to give a shout out.

I received two pair. One pair I haven’t used yet because I’m saving it for the wedding party.

Here’s my thoughts.

The panties came in separate plastic zip-topped bags.  Personally, I like that because it lends itself well for travel.Upon taking the panties out for observation.  I noticed that they are designed in the USA and made in China.  If you have no issue with that as I have no issue, please read on.  If you don’t purchase products made in China—just out of curiosity, please read on anyway.

The brand is pretty transparent in giving information regarding the panties. Notice that they also give you the information on the various fabric layers in the bads.  As I like to air-dry many of my items, I would dry these on a rack.

I ordered the size “Medium”.  And although I’m still (pass me those chips please) making an effort to lose pandemic weight, the medium fits perfectly.

The panties are actually quite nice. Not granny looking but not hotsie-totsie either. Very pragmatic in design. I like that these come just below the belly button!

The waistline falls just below the belly-button which makes for more comfort.  A high waistline can oftentimes roll down—especially when Spandex is included in the mix.

My leggings come up mid-belly. The panties are cut with a lower waist which is great because who wants their panties sticking out from the top of their trousers, skirt or leggings?

The only bulk is my naturally flabby gut.  Even my butt has no added bulk–and there’s padding there too!

The padding—these panties, upon first glance, may appear somewhat bulky, but all that changes once you put them on.

Turned inside out.  Honestly, when I saw how much padding there is I was concerned about a bulky appearance but they aren’t bulky at all!

The trim around the legs is wonderful. I don’t know about you, but many stretchy panties have that elastic trim around the leg opening that has a tendency to “cut” into skin.  These don’t which adds to the comfort level.

The leg edges/trim/hem–whatever you want to call it doesn’t cut into the skin at all. I love that because it definitely adds to the comfort level!

The fit.  Now, I promised my husband that I would not model these panties so that my image wearing them would not be splayed over the internet. But I will attest that the padding is not bulky.  Below are photos of me wearing a pair of J. Crew leggings over the panties.  The leggings are somewhat thin but there’s no bulk from underneath. The photo from the side is the same –no added bulk, just my piggy-belly.

These leggings are pretty thin but opague. You can’t even tell I have absorbent, padded panties on…

Again, a side view and you still can’t tell. The only thing sticking out is my gut.

The padding also covers a large area where leakage might occur.  From the entrance to your origin all the way to the back. And excuse me for being vulgar but—the padding in the back is great to absorb booty juice.  There. I said it.  Some of us due to Irritable Bowel Syndrome or hemorrhoids or lack of muscle in the anal area do have a bit of the booty juice dripping out. And with the padding reaching to the back, having a larger area of absorption is a good thing!

The back view and there is padding at the back door! So go ahead and eat that gassy food!

Today I’m wearing these and without going into too much detail, I can honestly tell you, that these are working.  I literally drank two liters of Diet Peach Sparkling “Beverage” and am on my third. (Don’t judge—I know regular water is healthier).  I turned-on Black-Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling’ and danced around the house, ran up and down three flights of stairs, and did jumping jacks. I also played “Chase “with Chippy (who is now underneath the coffee table hiding from me), and these panties absorbed lady part precipitation.

Chippy is hiding from me. I wore him out and my paadded panties didn’t fail me!

The padding now feels dry because—well, the moisture was absorbed. There’s no odor. And I plan on keeping these on all day. I’ll be headed to the mall later and I feel absolutely confident.

With this padding, you are definitely well-protected!

Let’s talk price.  The Ladies Classic Moderate Classic Style, which I have runs $33.25 for a single pair and $99.75 for a four-pack.  The price is fair. The disposable brands of absorbent underwear retail for a lot more when you have to keep purchasing. So overall, the price point is very fair.

I would say the price is very fair–especially considering the cost of disposable absorbant panties!

The brand also has other options such as Period Underwear and panties where you can use removable pads.   The period panties are in the “Why-didn’t-these-exist-when-I-had-my-period” category.  When I think back to those days of tampons and maxi pads on heavy flow days—arrgh!  The tampons would leak (and I shoved two up there), the pads, even with the wings, would move and I would be left with panties that I would have to fight with my dogs to get them out of their mouths and into the wash. Many times, I just trashed the panties.  These would have been a godsend!  Plus, they are great for new moms after delivery!

All this absorbent padding would have worked well to keep my dogs from appearing as though they were in lust with me during my heavy flow days! 

In addition, there are also models for men.

More transparency from the brand!

These are sold exclusively in the continental US through the Zorbies Website www.zorbies.com  and through their eBay store if you want items shipped outside of the USA.

My overall view is very favorable! 

 What’s my overall view?  These are great.  They perform well. Aren’t bulky. Won’t stink and you can wear with confidence.   My only issue per se is with the use of the word “incontinence”. For me, it’s up there with “anti-aging” and just sounds negative.  While I realize that the incontinence term is used by physicians and the medical world as well as the brands selling products to help.   If I could create a word to use it would be “absorbitence”, or a more body-friendly term. But hey, that’s just me!

Thumbs up people!  It’s really a great item.  I’ve often thought about purchasing disposables but the Zorbies are just so much better, more cost-efficient in the long run and comfortable! 

So, jump up and down. Dance. Run. Chase the dog.  Shake your Booty.  And live with confidence if you have the leaky-lady-faucet or if other areas of your lower body are a bit—leaky!