Happy Groundhog Day. I’ve been putting myself out there for the readers because I try to keep it real. In keeping it real, you know, I almost didn’t make it to the Auto show or the art exhibit at PAFA this Saturday: http://atypical60.com/2015/02/01/saturday-fun-in-philly-cars-and-art-a-productive-day/ Monsieur Bonaparte, aka, my better half, Vincent, begged me, in his thickest French accent, not to write about what happened to me: Vincent:”Cassee, pliz dun write about zis zing. Eezz disgusting! You ahr a ledee. Pliz. I beg ou”! Me: *Silence* Well, I guess I’m not a “ledee”! Here’s what happened. I had my outfit all picked out. I was going to wear my white skinnies. I love white jeans in the winter because they make me feel happy. It’s bright. It’s very clean looking. It’s a good look—especially with a navy sweater and my navy Hunter boots. My makeup was looking good too. My hair, thanks to Adam from Bleu Mousse, was beautifully colored and styled and all my bald and thinning spots were completely covered! Chippy was at doggie day camp. I went into the bathroom and then it happened. With all due respect to Vincent, we’ll play a guessing game—this way you can guess what happened. First question. What do you call the edge of a dress, or skirt or pants? Second Question: what is a word that rhymes with “void” but the first letter is “r”? Put those two works together. Add the word “rupture”. That’s what happened to me! Murphy’s Law. My medical benefits ended on January 1st. I am uninsured. In addition, I’m a hypochondriac, so by nature I suspected the worst possible scenario. I freaked out. Vincent tried to assure me that what happened to me was not uncommon—especially at my age! I can deal with that “at my age” business but I cannot deal with the fact that I could not run to a doctor who could take care of me and pat my hand and tell me I’ll be fine. For a co-pay, of course! My main priority these days is paying the mortgage. If I get sick, at least by paying my mortgage every month, I’ll have a nice place to rest. If I don’t have a home, the streets are no place to be sick. On the edge of death, and crying hysterically, knowing full well that I would have to reapply my eye makeup, my better half inquired how long I was going to keep this behavior up. I told him as long as it took to gain his sympathy! My delusions had me thinking that not only did I suffer this rupture of sorts, but what would happen if I got a staph infection and it spread through my body and I would have to be rushed to the hospital and a team of experts would have to make me better and I would be charged hundreds of thousands of dollars that I didn’t have and my credit rating would go from excellent to disastrous. Then I would never be able to get another car—how would I get to that job that I don’t have? How would I drive to the many job interviews that nobody is calling me about? When I finally calmed down I took matters into my own hands. You know that elusive pair of cotton granny pants that are hidden under the many thongs and cute panties? We all have a pair hidden in that panty drawer. Come on. Admit it! Well, I took those cotton grannies out. I stuffed them with enough toilet paper that the seat of my jeans looked like a cross between Kim Kardashian’s butt and the behind of a toddler wearing a loaded diaper.
All was well until we arrived at the auto show and parked the car. I bent over to ask if there was any “visible panty line” showing through my jeans. Alarmed at the sight of my stuffed derriere, Vincent demanded “What deed you dew”? Despite it all, we had a really, really great afternoon. Then the fun started again when I went for a visit to the pharmacist. I figured that I was so sensitive that I would need one of those doughnuts to sit on. The pharmacy didn’t have them. Those little floating tubes that kids use in pools were not in season either. Would I be forced to tie a fluffy pillow around my precious derriere? Instead I purchased a few “products” for my “rupture”. The great thing about it was that Preparation H is also great for puffy eyes. Nothing like burning the candle at both ends. Right? I also felt so youthful because I couldn’t remember the last time I used any “feminine” products. Only THIS time it was for a different orifice!
I really wanted to address this because I’m sure that way too many of us have this particular “issue” as we age.. It’s annoying and can be scary at times—especially when we don’t have medical insurance or a job in order to acquire that medical insurance. The sad thing is, as good as the Obamacare is in theory, it is STILL extremely expensive to purchase a great benefits package. Looking on the positive side, if hemorrhoids are the worst medical issue I have at this point in my life, I’m in good shape! Sorry for the long posting, but I just wanted to get this out there! Now onto the good stuff! Groundhog Day brings us with a long winter and it looks like we will be wearing our boots for six more weeks! The great thing about THAT news is I have a decent assortment of boots in the closet! From the least favorite (Those horrible, overpriced Tory Burch boots that make my foot look so unattractively large.) Tory Burch boots, to my most loved, (My Hinge boots. I love the way they look. The shaft comes up to my knees and my foot looks smaller.) I get a decent amount of wear with all of my boots because I really enjoying switching it up! I also love my 50/50 dupes (next to the black boots with the brown tops), because that over-the-knee boot look is so great with skirts! Just because you are older doesn’t mean you cannot have a fantastic boot collection! My bags, on the other hand, have a tendency to sit on the shelf. It isn’t because I don’t like them, I’m just too lazy to transfer stuff from one bag to another. I also hold on to bags for years. Take a good look at the pics below. My bags are pretty much in a “comfortable” state of use:
First pic, from bottom left: Longchamp bag, my beloved Kooba Sloane bag, Longchamp Le Pliage, and Coach hand-me-down from my daughter. Second pic from bottom left: Leather cross-body I purchased about 15 years ago from a rest stop on the NJ Turnpike, J. Crew Brompton, Longchamp leather bag, Vintage Texier bag, another Longchamp bag. The bags pictured above are a couple of my favorites. Nat & Nin. I purchased them during the Paris sales, they are the softest, buttery bags I’ve ever had. See those little bags attached to the larger bags? They fit inside the bag and are great for holding items you need quickly. The bags also have zippered compartments on each side. I haven’t even used the raspberry colored one yet–I’m waiting till the Spring. The bags hold a ton of stuff too! This Kooba Sloan bag is my all time favorite. Even though it doesn’t hold as much stuff as I would like, I just love the look of it. She’s a sturdy old bag too, a little girl who was sitting next to me on a flight threw up all over it–the bag cleaned up well. No amount of vomit could make me part with my Kooba bag! The leather has gotten better with age, just like we do! I got this many years ago at Neiman Marcus Last Call and still paid a good amount of money, but I’ve used it for years! Another favorite is this leather Longchamp. Nordstrom’s Rack about five years ago. Reduced from $625.00 to $100.00. Man, I grabbed that bag and ran to the cash register. Here’s another oldie but goodie. It’s a Texier shoulder bag. Made in France. It is such a simple bag but it holds so much inside. I got it on E-Bay, back when you could get a deal. I paid around $15.00 for it. It’s one of those bags I continue to go back to after months and months–almost forgetting that I have it. And when I do bring it out I use it for months and months! So that’s about it on this rainy, windy Groundhog day. I do hope that you aren’t disgusted about my rupture–but these things happen! It’s one those no makeup days today. The face needs a rest! Got my happy on instead! Here’s some musical greatness from Nancy Sinatra. Boots!!!
Coffee and Cathy! Sorry for your pain but you know how to turn from diaster to laughter. Love ya.