The idea actually came to me yesterday. Like Marianne leading the French into the Revolution, I shall lead my mature ladies into the new cause for fashion. Disguising the turkey neck! Read on for my epiphany!
Marianne may have led the French Revolution, but I would be arrested if I showed up for my annual Mammogram dressed like that. Should Eugene Delacroix had given her a turtleneck perhaps?
Yesterday I had my annual Mammogram. And in my efforts to make life easier, I had to figure out what to wear. YES. You need to dress appropriately when your breasts will be displayed on a glass plate in front of you and then turned on their sides. Due to the fact I had half a head of fake hair on my head, I couldn’t wear any kind of knit shirt that I would pull over me because it would most likely move my fake hair from either one side to the other or displace the front of my glorious fake locks to the back.
I also couldn’t wear a knit because you can’t use deodorant when getting a mammogram. The residue could cloud the x rays. That meant I couldn’t wear a sweater. Have you ever forgotten to use deodorant or used a very weak one while wearing wool or a wool blend? Trust me it takes forever to get rid of the stink!
This is the shirt I wore to get my mammo. The fake hair would have been all over the place had I worn a shirt that I would have to pull over my head!
Instead, I wore a plaid button down shirt from J. Crew Factory. The shirt is a cotton blend and breathes. Just to be safe, I stuck a roll-on deodorant in my purse. But the point is I wore a shirt that wouldn’t mess my fake hair. Actually the fake hair was real human yaki hair
Which by the way, the technician, as she was placing my breasts on the plate and as I was holding my other breast away from the machine, mentioned that she loved my thick hair. Quite honestly, the pose I was standing in made me feel like a Playboy Playmate—bare breasted, my head turned up, one hand on my hip and my knee bent!
When I told her it was mostly fake she came in for a closer look and was quite impressed. But here’s the good part. I told her that I pull my hair out and have done so for many years and that’s why a good part of my hair is gone and not coming back. Then the technician told me that she had a niece who suffers from the same condition. I gave her the website information for Uniwigs Toppers. My good deed for the day!
I’m veering off topic.
I had to run around all day with a shirt that displayed my….gasp—Turkey Neck!!! Now I don’t know about you but the absolute worse part about my aging looks is my neck. I should have listened to my mother and used Ponds cold cream on my neck every night the way she did. I swear when my mother was into her early seventies she had the neck of a thirty year old.
Truth be told. This turkey has a better looking neck than I do!
Because of this issue, I don’t look downwards in public anymore. I keep my head high. So high that people at work have asked me if there is something wrong with the office ceiling. I just tell them I’m trying to make my neck look better!
Sometimes life is just so hard! Medical coverage should take care of Botox injections in the neck!!
But there are other ways to disguise this physical challenge. During the summer I often wear a very lightweight scarf to cover the neck of Butterball. But with the onset of the cold weather that is now upon us, the greatest option is……..the Turtleneck!!
I’m beginning to wonder just WHY those high-necked shirts are named after turtles anyway. This turtle has turkey neck!
And you need that perfect turtle! I’m talking about the turtleneck sweater that stays put—ok?
Do you find that these high-necked sweaters and knit shirts lack in their efforts to stay up?
Like Bazooka Bubblegum’s friend of Bazooka Joe, I could wear my turtleneck as high as he does! Hmmmmmm..a new fashion icon perhaps?
Do you find that they just may have looked better on us when we were younger because we didn’t much care if the neck fell down a bit? Do you find that these days turtlenecks also emphasize the jowl action we have received from Mother Nature? Yeah. I have that too. But I have my beauty and fashion priorities. Jowls trump (oh how I now hate that word with a passion) turkey neck. In other words. I can stand the jowls but the turkey neck is a no-no for me.
Yeah. My jowls are starting to look a bit like Droopy Dog’s. However-I’ll deal with the jowls more than the wrinkly neck!
And because of this I’ve been on a seemingly never-ending search for the perfect turtleneck that would stay put and not stretch out on me. I did find one and you will see that at the end of the post.
They say that smoking causes wrinkles but I’ll bet ol’ Dino had a very muscular neck under that turtleneck!
But come with me on my Turtleneck tour—I’ll show you what to watch out for. OK?
An assortment of some of my turtlenecks. My navy turtleneck sweater is in the dry cleaners!
I picked up this striped turtleneck at J. Crew. I’m a sucker for stripes but the neck is too wide. I’ll have to either keep my neck stretched like the photo on the left or….
Tie a lightweight scarf around the neck to make it more turkey neck friendly. Hey! I LIKE this polka dotted scarf with this shirt!
The neck is too wide to really stay up on its own!
This is one of the tissue turtlenecks from J. Crew. It’s a no-go. I wear this shirt with pajama bottoms during the winter!
Another wide turtleneck. The thickness of the knit helps to keep the sweater up, but I like to secure it with a heavier scarf in the colder winter weather!
See what I mean, the neck can fall down, thereby displaying the top tier of turkeyneck. A warm, cozy and fuzzy scarf helps to keep the neck up. Better yet, rolled up a bit more and it’ll stay that way. This is exhausting!
We are getting closer to that elusive perfect turtle! This is another knit turtleneck from J. Crew. It isn’t as light as the tissue turtle and the neck appears to be a bit wide but…
The neck pretty much stays put…
I’m happy with this…….
And THE perfect turtleneck for turkey neck is……
The J. Crew TIPPI Turtleneck!
Great day in the morning! I have a lot of love for the regular Tippi sweater but when I saw THIS, I had to try it and it IS turtleneck for turkey neck perfection!
It stays put. I threw my hair up so you could see how nice and tight the neck is…
Look! No Turkey neck!
So I got some jowl action but who cares! The neck wrinkles don’t show!!
Add to that, the length of the sweater is just right!!!!
So what say you? Are you with me in this movement to disguise the Turkey neck? Tell me about your favorite ways to disguise turkey neck. It’s a very appropriate question for this time of year!!
How could I NOT have a song by Dean Martin tonight? “Ain’t That A Kick In The Head?” He was so cool–and he wore turtlenecks so well!
I have a short neck and have sadly accepted the fact that a turtleneck top just makes everything look worse. I love the Dean Martin song – my daughter and son-in-law used that for their “First dance” at their wedding, a very upbeat beginning to their life together.
Hi Jean! Yeah. I kind of have a short neck too. Sometimes I wonder where it is. But thanks to the fact I’m so nosey that I’m always sticking my neck out, I may have stretched it a bit. OMG> Your daughter and son-in-law just reached the ACME of cool as far as I’m concerned. I love that song!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
You look great in your turtle necks. They don’t seem to suit me so I’m sticking with scarves (à la française) for the moment. But , in the light of your post, I’m going to have another go with turtles. What I’m hoping you might do, is a post on disguising jowls!! Xx
LOL. June. I’m thinking about a jowl post but I’m also thinking about a bra post. Oh yes. I am. Bonaparte is not aware of this scathingly brilliant idea of mine and I will keep it a secret.But I think we need a bra for older ladies post!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
Haha! As my boobs have dropped my spending on bras has risen. I’m totally in love with Rigby & Peller bras. Do you know this brand? xx
I tend to wear normal necked tops with a nice scarf. I find turtlenecks a bit claustrophobic. You look great in yours…
Thanks Daisies!! Oh. I have a sister who feels the same way about turtlenecks. She honestly cannot wear them. Thanks again!! XOXOXO!!!
Ohhh what a timely and wonderful post! I have jowls, I have turkey neck and it is very depressing. I love the turtle neck look – you look fantastically sophisticated with it, while I love a turtle neck I have a fear of being throttled by the tight ones – so it is a real challenge isn’t it – cover up and not strangulation. Also, I find I need a bit of an air vent for the glow-worm moments – so my solution is scarf-y things… I have a wide-ish boatneck type tunic on and then a scarf around the neck so I have my “air vents” between scarf and boatneck. I have to say I love a scarf – really love a scarf, maybe a little too much. I am a sucker for a pretty fabric one that is light and soft or else what I also like is to knit a light and open scarf in a lightweight yarn – the ones that are nowadays called “cowls” but are basically sewn as a loop so you don’t get sauce/scarf traumas happening (very important to a gannet like me), they are the best and the right length can be worn as either a single dangly loop (sophisticated so my daughter tells me) hiding the missed bits of my lunch (oh so classy) or doubled and worn as 2 loops (much better for hiding the droopy neck)!
Juliet. You made me laugh!! We call those lightweight cowls “infinity scarves”–and I like them because doubled up they do fit so nicely around the neck area!! I wore a scarf today with a turtleneck and surprisingly, I loved the way it looked!! XOXOXOXO!!!
Well certainly can identify with this one! Was tutoring second graders a few years ago when one looked at me funny and asked me what was wrong with my neck! If I HAD been a turtle I would have pulled my head into my shell! Have you read the book “I Feel Bad About My Neck: and other thoughts about being a woman…” by Nora Ephron? Loved it!
Hi Lady Calen. OH NO I HAVE NOT READ THAT BOOK!!! And I will head over to Amazon to see if I can order it after answer the comments! I LOVE her writing! I wish I could get a face lift in my neck!! XOXOXOXO!!
Marianne certainly wasn’t wearing a turtleneck or even a push-bra but very much like your Tippi turtleneck and it looks fabulous. I really like turtlenecks and I have quite a few. They seem suit me and not sure why.
Hi Yvonne. That Marianne. If she was an American, she would have been arrested for indecent exposure. Actually my neck should be arrested for indecent exposure. Oh. If you like turtlenecks, you will love the Tippi! I need a navy one!! XOXOXOXO!!!
Oh yeah – typical, that Marianne would be judged for sure for a bit of wardrobe malfunction, never mind that there is a geezer in a white shirt with no trousers or kecks on who is sprawled at her feet. I don’t want to be disrespectful to a great piece of art and of a commemoration of an important historical event – but Marianne is still wearing her frock, white-shirt-geezer is sans cullotes – they are absent, gone, not there, did he trip on them or get a gravy stain and have to take them off – who knows… People always judge the women and never the men – just sayin’
You really make my days, Catherine :))) Let me try to translate a joke: The woman asks to her husband: “Darling, don’t I look much better with no bra?? – “Yes dear, this way, you’ve got almost no wrinkles in your neck!!!”
Hi Luisa. Oh. I’m using that joke on my friends! It translated just fine!! I’m glad that I am able to make your days!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
My mother just turned 101. To this day she uses Ponds EVERY night and you should see her skin!
Denise. WOW! I”ll bet your mom has that peaches and cream skin. My mother swore by Ponds and I should have listened to her. I thin, I’ll pick some up this weekend. It’s never too late–right??? God bless your mom. 101. Oh that is just so beautiful!! XOXOXOXO!!!
I have been LOOKING for this for YEARS!The ones that stay up are TOO SHORT for me……….
I saw PRINCESS MICHAEL OF KENT wearing THE PEFECT TURTLENECK and she is a TALL BIG woman………….why didn’t I run AFTER HER?
Elizabeth. Get thee to J. Crew and pick up a Tippi. The neck isn’t short. It’s perfect!!! XOXOXOXOXO!!!
This post is hilarious because I too love turtlenecks; it’s the sun damage on my neck that I dislike as it’s very prominent and gets more so every year. But I dislike all the makeup that gets on them!
Cynthia. The sun damage all over my BODY is enough! But I gotta march on–in a turtleneck. OMG–you are so right about the makeup!XOXOXOXO!!!
Love this! 😀
I think sticking your neck out really stretches it!
I always wear scarves because I can’t stand turtlenecks anymore. I used to love them. I’d buy nothing else. But over the years I’ve switched to scarves.
Hi Strawberry. I double my neck insurance with both a turtle neck and scarf!! Lol!! XOXOXOXO!!!
i’m still laughing ! you are adorable !
Thank you Nathalie!! XOXOXOXO!!!
This is one of the reasons I’ve been loving the neck scarves!!
But I’m also trying to embrace my body—changes and all—why is it so hard?
I have a navy blue Banana Republic turtle neck and a plain white cotton one from Joe Fresh. I don’t wear a turtle neck often but sure do love the simplicity of them. They go well under almost anything. I had to laugh, while watching the SNL Thanksgiving skits last week, there was one where Kristen Wiig, et al. all wore white turtlenecks under a very tacky Thanksgiving vest. ha! I just need a Christmas vest and I’m all set, LOL. Great pics, Catherine. On the subject of Mammograms, I’ve had several. The last time I went, they called me back for a second test. OMG, it hurt like h**l, they squished me so hard. UGH. That was 6 months ago and now they just called me back for another test plus another ultrasound. Yuck. I’m dreading it and I have a fairly high tolerance for pain. I’m wondering if that’s unusual for them to squish them that ruthlessly? Thoughts, please.
I just wrote a long comment but wordpress then asked me to sign in and GONE. I think. So, if this is the second comment then just delete it. UGH. I quite like a turtleneck, Catherine as they go well under almost anything. Kristen Wiig et al. wore them under their tacky Thanksgiving vests 😉 Thought all I need is a Christmas vest LOL. I had a question regarding mammograms. I’ve had several but the last time they called me back for a second test. It hurt like hell the second time as they ruthlessly squished my girls until they could fit in an envelope, no joke. I have a high tolerance for pain, too. So, that was six months ago and now they want me back again for a test and an ultrasound. I’m dreading it. Is it odd that they would squish them so ruthlessly? I mean I feel like they’re looking a little too hard. I have no family history of breast cancer. Just wondering what your experience has been.
NICE black turtleneck and glasses! You look so bossy, intelligent, mature, serious and smart!
Thank you n0name!!! I will day that you are spot on with everything except the “smart” LOL!!! XXOXOXO!!!!
EXTREMELY late to chime in, but I’ve loved my turtlenecks ( or polonecks as I call them ) for over fifty years now and yes, my neck is looking like it needs a cover now !