The idea actually came to me yesterday. Like Marianne leading the French into the Revolution, I shall lead my mature ladies into the new cause for fashion. Disguising the turkey neck! Read on for my epiphany!
Marianne may have led the French Revolution, but I would be arrested if I showed up for my annual Mammogram dressed like that. Should Eugene Delacroix had given her a turtleneck perhaps?
Yesterday I had my annual Mammogram. And in my efforts to make life easier, I had to figure out what to wear. YES. You need to dress appropriately when your breasts will be displayed on a glass plate in front of you and then turned on their sides. Due to the fact I had half a head of fake hair on my head, I couldn’t wear any kind of knit shirt that I would pull over me because it would most likely move my fake hair from either one side to the other or displace the front of my glorious fake locks to the back.
I also couldn’t wear a knit because you can’t use deodorant when getting a mammogram. The residue could cloud the x rays. That meant I couldn’t wear a sweater. Have you ever forgotten to use deodorant or used a very weak one while wearing wool or a wool blend? Trust me it takes forever to get rid of the stink!
This is the shirt I wore to get my mammo. The fake hair would have been all over the place had I worn a shirt that I would have to pull over my head!
Instead, I wore a plaid button down shirt from J. Crew Factory. The shirt is a cotton blend and breathes. Just to be safe, I stuck a roll-on deodorant in my purse. But the point is I wore a shirt that wouldn’t mess my fake hair. Actually the fake hair was real human yaki hair
Which by the way, the technician, as she was placing my breasts on the plate and as I was holding my other breast away from the machine, mentioned that she loved my thick hair. Quite honestly, the pose I was standing in made me feel like a Playboy Playmate—bare breasted, my head turned up, one hand on my hip and my knee bent!
When I told her it was mostly fake she came in for a closer look and was quite impressed. But here’s the good part. I told her that I pull my hair out and have done so for many years and that’s why a good part of my hair is gone and not coming back. Then the technician told me that she had a niece who suffers from the same condition. I gave her the website information for Uniwigs Toppers. My good deed for the day!
I’m veering off topic.
I had to run around all day with a shirt that displayed my….gasp—Turkey Neck!!! Now I don’t know about you but the absolute worse part about my aging looks is my neck. I should have listened to my mother and used Ponds cold cream on my neck every night the way she did. I swear when my mother was into her early seventies she had the neck of a thirty year old.
Truth be told. This turkey has a better looking neck than I do!
Because of this issue, I don’t look downwards in public anymore. I keep my head high. So high that people at work have asked me if there is something wrong with the office ceiling. I just tell them I’m trying to make my neck look better!
Sometimes life is just so hard! Medical coverage should take care of Botox injections in the neck!!
But there are other ways to disguise this physical challenge. During the summer I often wear a very lightweight scarf to cover the neck of Butterball. But with the onset of the cold weather that is now upon us, the greatest option is……..the Turtleneck!!
I’m beginning to wonder just WHY those high-necked shirts are named after turtles anyway. This turtle has turkey neck!
And you need that perfect turtle! I’m talking about the turtleneck sweater that stays put—ok?
Do you find that these high-necked sweaters and knit shirts lack in their efforts to stay up?
Like Bazooka Bubblegum’s friend of Bazooka Joe, I could wear my turtleneck as high as he does! Hmmmmmm..a new fashion icon perhaps?
Do you find that they just may have looked better on us when we were younger because we didn’t much care if the neck fell down a bit? Do you find that these days turtlenecks also emphasize the jowl action we have received from Mother Nature? Yeah. I have that too. But I have my beauty and fashion priorities. Jowls trump (oh how I now hate that word with a passion) turkey neck. In other words. I can stand the jowls but the turkey neck is a no-no for me.
Yeah. My jowls are starting to look a bit like Droopy Dog’s. However-I’ll deal with the jowls more than the wrinkly neck!
And because of this I’ve been on a seemingly never-ending search for the perfect turtleneck that would stay put and not stretch out on me. I did find one and you will see that at the end of the post.
They say that smoking causes wrinkles but I’ll bet ol’ Dino had a very muscular neck under that turtleneck!
But come with me on my Turtleneck tour—I’ll show you what to watch out for. OK?
An assortment of some of my turtlenecks. My navy turtleneck sweater is in the dry cleaners!
I picked up this striped turtleneck at J. Crew. I’m a sucker for stripes but the neck is too wide. I’ll have to either keep my neck stretched like the photo on the left or….
Tie a lightweight scarf around the neck to make it more turkey neck friendly. Hey! I LIKE this polka dotted scarf with this shirt!
The neck is too wide to really stay up on its own!
This is one of the tissue turtlenecks from J. Crew. It’s a no-go. I wear this shirt with pajama bottoms during the winter!
Another wide turtleneck. The thickness of the knit helps to keep the sweater up, but I like to secure it with a heavier scarf in the colder winter weather!
See what I mean, the neck can fall down, thereby displaying the top tier of turkeyneck. A warm, cozy and fuzzy scarf helps to keep the neck up. Better yet, rolled up a bit more and it’ll stay that way. This is exhausting!
We are getting closer to that elusive perfect turtle! This is another knit turtleneck from J. Crew. It isn’t as light as the tissue turtle and the neck appears to be a bit wide but…
The neck pretty much stays put…
I’m happy with this…….
And THE perfect turtleneck for turkey neck is……
The J. Crew TIPPI Turtleneck!
Great day in the morning! I have a lot of love for the regular Tippi sweater but when I saw THIS, I had to try it and it IS turtleneck for turkey neck perfection!
It stays put. I threw my hair up so you could see how nice and tight the neck is…
Look! No Turkey neck!
So I got some jowl action but who cares! The neck wrinkles don’t show!!
Add to that, the length of the sweater is just right!!!!
So what say you? Are you with me in this movement to disguise the Turkey neck? Tell me about your favorite ways to disguise turkey neck. It’s a very appropriate question for this time of year!!
How could I NOT have a song by Dean Martin tonight? “Ain’t That A Kick In The Head?” He was so cool–and he wore turtlenecks so well!