I know I’m supposed to be working on a post about sales and bargains. But I got waylaid because……Award Season has begun!
Award Season!! Part of the Golden Globe fun is when the camera pans to all the stars shoving food in their mouths while eating their dinner!!
Time to pick the best of the best in the entertainment industry! Oh trust me. I love going to the movies. But I look at film in a different way. I usually come out of the movie thinking that some idiot who can barely write got a shitload of money for coming up with a mediocre screenplay. I could do better.
I very rarely look this content and happy while watching a movie that Bonaparte has paid almost twenty bucks a ticket for. The films are usually worth watching on Netflix for ten bucks a month.
And the acting! Many times I’ve left the theatre trying to figure out who the cast slept with to snag such a great or even lousy role—and for a really, really hefty salary. I could act for a cheaper price—and nobody would even have to sleep with me either. Actually, nobody would even want to sleep with me!
Yes. I enjoy loving to hate those who are even more self-centered than I am!
Thank you. Thank you. I am the center of my universe. No make that I am the center of THE universe!
The Red Carpet? I would rock it like a space ship! I know how to pose. Trust me; I’ve been posing in front of a mirror since I was a kid. Lips pursed. Chest out. Tummy sucked in. Ass sticking out like a bustle. Hand on hip. Head tilted to the side. One leg slightly in front of the other.
Ann Hathaway’s talent for posing surpasses her talent for acting..
..I don’t know who this is but she is the best poser of all time!
Talk about sassy! Miranda Kerr has got it goin’ on with the stance!
It’s time to dish the snark!
I first started my Golden Globe evening by turning on E’s “Countdown To the Red Carpet” and my blood started to boil.
It was more like “deadly” from the Red Carpet with Kris Jenner hosting!
Why was Kris Jenner hosting? She has no talent other than making billions by shilling a video of her daughter Kim going pee-pee on Ray J. Oh—she made lots and lots of money for Ryan Seacrest so I guess he had to let her host. Her talent is making money.
Ugh. The dress is absolutely hideous! And the hair. Look at her cheek implants! I think they were supposed to be planted in the other end! Oops–it looks like they were!
She was awful! Awful. With all her millions and billions, she can’t afford a decent hair style? Honestly, I’ve seen butch women with better haircuts than Kris Jenner. Her face looks more plastic than Nicole Kidman’s!
Kris is smiling because she knows that Ryan Seacrest will do whatever she tells him to!
And the dress. I can’t even. I swear she wore the lining of a purse that was purchased about 50 years ago at Woolworth’s.
Note to Ryan Seacrest. Please have just Giuliana Rancic and only Giuliana Rancic as the sole woman hosting all of the Red Carpet events that are televised on E!
Ryan, you need to take a step back and bring Giuliana back into the spotlight. For ALL the Red Carpet Events!
And Rancic’s male companion host should be none other than Billy Eichner of “Billy on the Street” fame! He would be perfect! He’s Jewish. He’s Gay. He’s loud! He tells it like it is! He’s like the guy gay version of Joan Rivers. He could change his name to Jon Rivers!!!
Billy Eichner don’t take no crap from anyone! He would be the next best thing to Joan Rivers on that Red Carpet.
Please Ryan Seacrest. If you should see this, please reach out to Billy Eichner!
And the stars LOVE him! Look at how happy Rashida Jones is to be with him!!
Poor Joan Rivers! I’m sure she is turning in her grave! Since she’s left us, the stars don’t even make an attempt to look…well, to look like stars anymore.
Joan–the entertainment world is just not the same without you. It’s so boring!
They all look like hot messes.
Shall we take a look at last night’s gowns?
At first glance, I loved Blake Lively’s look. Her breasts are looking mighty fine because she just had a baby and she’s nursing! My breasts were HUGE when I nursed! I feel a connection here. Then I looked down and saw those tiny pockets! Pockets are supposed be large enough to stick your entire hand in. This gown should have had either larger pockets or no pockets at all. She was one of my best dressed until I saw the pockets. But then, she was wearing Ryan Reynolds–so I guess she really WAS best dressed!
Seriously–what’s with trying to get your hands in those mini-pockets? I don’t understand the pockets at all!
I’m Just Jealous of Just Jared because I wasn’t at the Golden Globes and he was. Sofia Vergara must have gotten her invite very late because she looks like she took a roll of aluminum foil, crumpled it up and made a gown out of it. Why is she wearing her beautiful hair back? She has the greatest hair ever. It needs to be down. SHE is one of the few who can actually wear a plunging neckline. Why wasn’t she?
Instead, we had a parade of flat-chested ingenues sporting the deepest of necklines! I love Jessica Biel but this ensemble is one hot mess…
I almost gave her a free pass because she and her husband Justin are so cute. Look how lovingly he looks at her! I took the pass back because the top of the dress is just awful. Awful!
And if you do insist on wearing a plunging neckline, please have boning to push the girls up a bit. Mandy’s girls look awful. They are saggier than mine and I”m 61 years old!
Laura Dern got the plunge just right. But she should have had some lift on top. I have to admit. I’m not a huge fan of prints like this but I love the way she looks. The dress fits well and is very flattering on her.
She may not have been at the Golden Globes this year, but Katy Perry knows how to make HER globes look great. THIS is the body for a plunging neckline! Please lady stars, take note for next year. Either get a boob job, get great boning in the dress or better yet–don’t wear a plunging neckline!
My favorite look of the evening. Reese Witherspoon was best dressed. She looks like buttery goodness. She should get an award for being best dressed!
Why would a cute girl like Anna Kendrick want her titties to look malformed? This dress is awful. There is nothing beautiful about it. Why Anna. Why?
She was beautiful in Sex and The City and even more beautiful as one of the Sanderson Sisters in Hocus Pocus. So why did Sarah Jessica Parker..
…wear this monstrosity of a get up? If she wore a brown cloak she could have passed as a Yodel or a Little Debbie Swiss Roll! The hair. OMG. The hair. Are we playing Old Heidelberg Beer Lady? This is wrong on so many levels..
Emma Stone is pasty white. I am pasty white. I would NEVER wear a gown like this with my pasty white skin. She looks ill. What happened to the fake tans? What happened to the fake tits? Is Hollywood making a turn for the natural look? Stop it! You are here to entertain. Stone needs bright colors!
OK..so this Valentino dress looks slightly better on the Red Carpet–but even with a bit more blush of color on this dress, it just doesn’t have that wow factor. She really needs a brighter color!
It’s bad enough that Carrie Underwood has horrific posture. And even worse that she looks like a giant wad of chewed Bazooka Bubble Gum. I’ve nothing more to say about this disaster.
I freaking LOVE Viola Davis. She is one of the most beautiful women on earth. The dress? She looks great in the one-shoulder. The fit is fabulous, and the gown is lovely in classic simplicity. But the color is wrong. A deep purple or a bright orange or a bright red would look epic. It isn’t a great yellow.
Worst dress of the evening belongs to Felicity Jones. She may have purchased this at Forever 21! The fit is awful. The top looks too small and short waisted and she is drowning in the bottom. This is a mess. And she’s so pretty!
I have to open up my big mouth about Damien Chazelle, the screenwriter and director for the film “La La Land”. What an ass! You can always tell the character of people by the way they refer to others. In his acceptance he referred to others who worked with him as “my”. “My” this. “My” that. You work on a film—you work as a team. This narcissist could have used the word “Our”. Or better yet, just said the name of the person. Oh you have no idea how that “my” gets on my last nerve.
Damien, you may be a winner at the Golden Globes, but you are not a winner with me. Your crew is a team. You are part of a team. The people who work for you are not “YOURS”.
Don’t get me started on the two-second tribute to Debbie Reynolds and her daughter Carrie Fisher. The story of their passing is an incredible twist of fate. And the women were Hollywood royalty. That was not a tribute—it was a mere mention. Let’s hope the Academy Awards gives these two wonderfully talented a true tribute!
Golden Globes. You screwed up by not giving these two wonderful women a REAL tribute. Shame on you. Shame. On. You.
When my girl crush, Viola Davis, started her personal tribute to Meryl Streep, I started to groan. Viola—Granny Smith apples are the best apples for an apple pie or tart. Go ask Francois Payard. He will agree with me! Whatever apples Meryl uses are not the best. Streep is an actor’s actor(ress). She is not a professional baker.
Viola. I want to bake with you. We would have so much fun together! I could even show you how to make the best Buche de Noel for next Christmas! I love the lashes. Can’t we be friends?
And then, the light from above started shining when Streep made her acceptance speech for receiving the Lifetime Achievement award! She got political in the most graceful and classy way—something I could never do. And with grace and class, Meryl Streep tore that #notmypresident down with a few sentences. I. Love. Meryl. Streep!
Meryl. You’ve just about achieved anything an actor could. I do believe the time has come for you to enter politics! If a reality show host could become (notmy) President of the USA, then surely you, who played Margaret Thatcher could have a good chance of becoming the first Lady President. Whadya say?
With Streep being the only high point of the evening, I shut the TV off and went to sleep. I had enough of the real La La Land for one night! Reese Witherspoon was the closest to a Wow but she’s worn that look before. My opinion is that these ladies either need new stylists or need to check themselves in a mirror before heading out to award shows.
Bravo to Meryl Streep for putting the #notmypresident in his place. Bravo to Reese Witherspoon for being the best dressed. Bravo to Laura Dern for a spectacular look and Bravo Mention to Viola Davis–the color of the dress stopped me from giving you a full-on Bravo!
I want to see the return of old school elegance and glamour. I do not like the current awards look!
This is elegance–Lana got it right!
This is true glamour–right down to the killer nails. Loretta Young’s look is incredibly beautiful!
Hepburn. Simple perfection!
Ready for round two. The Oscars!!
..or better yet, we should rename them “The Catherine’s”!! Told you I was self-centered!
What’s your opinion? Today’s stars not looking so elegant? Did you watch the Globes? I’m curious!
There is only one song that I can give you. The Kinks “Celluloid Heroes”. Sung by SIR Ray Davies!
Great post! I only watched Meryl’s speech. I did look at some of the dresses. If you got no boobs, why wear a plunging neckline, I thought that was just sad.
Cornfed. Right??? Whatever happened to dressing for your body?? Who dresses these women anyway?? It was worse than sad. It was pathetic. Streep needs to go into politics. I”m so glad she put Putin’s bitch in his rightful place!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
Actually my name is Stacy. Florals and lace seemed to be the biggest offenders for sure. They need to fire all of their stylists!
Hey there, Catherine–loved your post and must agree with you on several points:
1) SJP WAS super on SATC but channelled Heidi last night, so wtf was up with that. Also, where was Matthew?
2) The “V” necks plunging to the navel were sooo bad last night. Very few can wear those extreme plunges well.
3) I loved Fallon’s opening sequence.
4) Emma needs some self-tanner, n’est-ce pas?
5) Meryl is a freaking goddess. I knew as soon as she finished that speech that you-know-who would be bitchin’ and twitchin’ on Twitter. So…what’s worse, an eloquent, classy woman making a cogent comment in the interests of the public good OR a President-elect who dismisses daily briefings as a waste of his time YET finds time time to rant and rave and criticize others on that oh-so-Presidential platform Twitter , and has advisers who let him do this? If anyone is “overrated” it is He Who Shall Not Be Named. #provemewrongibegofyou #turnoffthetwittertrump #gettingswampier
Thanks Nancy!! Matthew was probably home with the kids and happy that he didn’t have to escort his wife when she was in the worst get-up I’ve ever seen her in! How can these women think they look good? She honestly looked much better in Hocus Pocus!
I still cannot understand the deep plunge. The overall “look” of everyone was a snoozefest!
I’ll gladly send one of my many self-tanners to Emma. OMG. That dress washed her out so badly!!
Meryl Streep could have gone to those awards in her pajamas and would still come out the winner of the night! Nobody could top that speech!! #hewillneverbemypresident! XOXOXOXO!!!
Your column was better, and more fun, than the entire GG Awards show. In fact, your commentary is even better than Joan Rivers’ was. You can tell Ryan S. your fan(s) said so. I missed the Kim K part and for that I am happy. Last night, even my beloved Isabelle Huppert looked and sounded unprofessional, and certainly wasn’t very glam with her blouse coming out of her skirt. Actors, if you are nominated, prepare a SHORT speech. You MIGHT win. Duh!! You are an actor. ACT!! Oh, dear me, I think I have just had a hissy-fit. Better go lie me down.
Hi Vadalia. Thank you. Oh..if I were interviewing those stars on the Red Carpet, I would have gotten kicked out. I would have started with the “Why are you wearing a plunging neckline like that when you are in desperate need of a padded bra?”..and my list goes on!!
I must give Huppert a bit of a pass here. She’s used to the Cesar’s and the dress code isn’t as over-the-top in France (except Cannes) as it is here. She also looks great for 63 years old. Oh…the speeches. My favorite being. “I didn’t prepare anything because I didn’t think I would win”..that’s so passive agressive. Best speech would be “Thank you”..and then getting off the stage!! XOXOXOXO!!!
I have to agree with some of the commenters here: Your blogpost was BETTER than the actual show. I agree with everything you said. In fact, since these shows bore me to tears now, I will simply come here to get a summary and review the day after. Merci Cathe! — Veronique
Bonjour Veronique..and welcome home!! Thank you!! I’m glad you enjoyed my post!! Be prepared for my Oscar snark–it’ll be here before you know it!! XOXOXOXO!!!
“OMG” I wish I could have watched the G.G. at your house! My sentiments exactly. Didn’t think much of Nicole Kidman’s get up. She looked like she just stepped out of a movie set! I love all of your posts. Your writing and humor is spot on. Thanks for the time and brain power it takes to deliver on a daily basis!
Leslie. Kidman looks more and more plastic each time I see her. Does this woman not own a mirror? Does her Keith not tell her to stop with the fillers and Botox? Thank you Thank you. Thank you!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
Ha loved this!
Thanks Angela! Stay tuned for Oscar night!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
I too felt that Meryl’s speech was the high point. I didn’t think I could love her more, but was proven wrong.
I hate those plungy necklines – so few people look good in them. And I am so over strapless dresses on actresses who slouch! If you’re going to wear a strapless gown, learn proper posture or wear something else.
I got a kick out of Kristin Wiig and Steve Carell. Otherwise, I didn’t find the show as entertaining as usual. And since I have no real interest in seeing La La Land, I just went to bed after Meryl’s speech as well.
I thought it was kinda disappointing all the way around.
Hi Bridget! Streep’s speech actually woke me up. I was thinking….that film she’s in about Florence blah blah Foster–the French version is “Marguarite” with Catherine Frot–and the film was so magnificent–and I was kind of..uhhhh..Streep is nominated for everything. Then when I realized it was a lifetime achievement award my tune changed. Then when she went in for the kill, I almost ran up and kissed the TV! You just cannot top that!! I’m eager to read other re views of the clothes of the GG’s because I’m sure all the fashionistas LOVED the plunging necklines. They looked awful!
Strapless isn’t becoming on everyone..Witherspoon got it right. A few years back she wore a navy strapless dress that was one of the all time favorite looks ever. I thought Wiig’s outfit was adorable–but her haircut was so PTA mom. I thought she should have an edgier cut!! XOXOXOXO!!!
Always love your commentary, Catherine.
I agree with you for the most part on all of the above, except I am soooooooooooo sick of Sophia Vergara pouring, squeezing, and forcing herself into skin tight dresses. So. Sick of it. Yes, we know you have an ass and boobs. We’ve seen it 500 times. Can we please try something new now? Her 10 minutes are pretty much up and she’s desperately trying to remain relevant, I think. Same for Katy Perry. I agree the boobs are at least supported properly, but the whole look is just heinous.
Viola Davis is definitely the winner. She is flawless.
Did you see Brie Larsen? She looked divine too.
(PS If you don’t already read the Fug Girls, you definitely should!)
Hi Kathryn Agree, agree and agree some more. Also checked out Brie Larson and agree. Y
How the Hell did I miss Brie Larson??? O.M.G. She nailed the perfect look. The color of that dress is beautiful and the dress itself is so elegant and classic. WOW. She was the wow moment! I need to start reading these Fug girls!
I think Vargara is pretty but I don’t think she is a great talent. She was incredibly lucky to be cast on Modern Family–but I’m in the minority because I don’t like the show. I have major issues with any show that showcases precocious kids that make adults look like morons. It grates on me. I can’t believe that show is still even on! Same with The Goldbergs and Blackish. These “family” sitcoms are so poorly written and aren’t even funny. If you want funny, watch “The Mick” it’s a new show starring Kaitlin Olson of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. I laughed till I cried! She’s a talent!!
Fun, fun, fun.
Thanks little voice!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
Your post was amusing, that’s for sure! I am so tired of these plunging necklines, they are atrocious. Have Sarah Jessica Parker’s eyes gotten smaller? She looks odd. It’s got to be the makeup, huh? Meryl Streep knocked it out of the park and of course the Donald had to retaliate. But he just proved once again what an idiot he is.
Hi Vava. I was so taken aback by SJP’s monster of a dress and that hair that I didn’t even see her eyes. I’m going to check it out again. Streep was the big winner..And that idiot that will bring America to it’s grave proves what an ass he is by tweeting in retaliation. He should be thinking of more important issues–what an imbecile!! XOXOXOXO!!!
OML! I just about choked at your comment about the purse lining. That was hysterical! And you’re right about Davis and Stone. Totally. My daughter Stef is from India and for some reason she likes bright yellow but looks crappy in it. Red and orange ARE her colors. Not sure what color Stone’s is. She’s just got that pale, porcelain skin…
AND deep red/brunette hair! Tough combination.
Hi Lady Calen. Darker skin just does not look good in that bright yellow. At all. Stone had a very bright orangy-coral Calvin Klein dress a few years back–I think it was at the Oscars and she looked bright and divine. She NEEDS the little oomph of color. Valentino couldn’t even save her. She looked horrible!! XOXOXOXO!!!
I didn’t watch the Golden Globes (don’t have real TV anymore), but I have been scrolling through the photos of the red carpet fashion, and I have to say most of it is appalling. As much as I don’t like Reese – her dress was the best, and I am not fond of yellow evening gowns. I don’t know who is dressing these stars, but they should really talk to you or me – before getting on the red carpet – and exactly who would dress someone as pale as Emma Stone in that washed out lavender/puce thing she had on? She needs something to highlight her translucent skin, not blend in with it. Ugh!!!!
Hi SD!! Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed the post!! Oh..the GG ceremony itself was a snoozefest. The best part was every once in a while the camera would show a star with food in their mouth–and I’m sure after seeing the monitors, they went and purged thereafter!! Please. Don’t even start with Stone. Her stylist should be fired! She looked more washed out than a pile of whites that had been heavily bleached in the laundry!! XOXOXOXOXO!!!
OMG – that’s exactly what she looked like, a white sock that had snuck into the colored load full of new blue sweatshirts. Hee – Hee. Do you think the stars teeth check each other for errant particles of food, or perhaps they clear everything from their dentition with the purging. How funny!!!!!!
SD. I’ll bet those petty bitches look at every detail of their peers whilst not noticing their own shortcomings. I would love to be at one of their tables during dinner when someone passes wind! I would die laughing!! XOXOXOXOXO!!!
You are cracking me up! And I bet those are some silent and deadly flatulations. No way to hide it, just don’t own up to it.
Catherine Great job Girl. Lots of laughs
Hi Julia! Glad to make you laugh!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
OMG great job!
You are such a talent. I agree with every word you write. All true and best of all hilarious. Agree with Kathryn about Sophia Vergara. And topped off with the perfect song.
Hi Yvonne! Thanks. I knew you would agree:)!! Oh..Kathryn is spot on about Vergara–spot on!! Sir Ray…he’s such a prolific song writer!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
I have not set foot in movie theater in at least 10 yrs. Not worth the money anymore. Apparently no one remembers “Bridges over Madison County! I’m sure Meryl is a nice lady but she is a terrible actress. Those accents she tries to pull off ,YUCK. My husband and I walked out of the theater. I much prefer to watch BBC or Masterpiece theater. We are not doing a very good job of creating the glamour in the movies any longer. Too bad. Keep up the great blogging Catherine
Thanks Pam!!! Streep’s best role was “Sophie’s Challenge” coming in second was Kramer v. Kramer. I don’t think she is a terrible actress but I don’t think that every role she plays is “greatness”. She’s got a couple of duds on her resume–what was that one with Rick Springfield where she played a rock ‘n roller? I loved Momma Mia but didn’t think she was all that in the movie. I DO think she let Trump have it and have it good. She seems like a truly classy woman and has the intelligence to go with it.
I love movies but this past year was an awful one. I think we say two or three movies and one of them was in Paris–the French film being the only one that was truly worthwhile!!
We need glamour to make a return..and good taste!!! XOXOXOXO!!!
I agree with your comment that not everything St. Meryl does is great: Death Becomes Her was a huge embarrassment, as was Postcards from the Edge. Ricki and The Flash was meh. One I did like was The River Wild, where she played a wife/mom taking her son on a canoe trip..There are many that were lackluster films, but admittedly the lady takes risks.. Like calling out HWSNBN. (He Who Shall Not Be Named). So for that I respect her, weird accents and all. At least when SHE takes on a roll she does her homework and does the best she can to be credible, unlke HWSNBN.
Haven’t been to the cinema in years, but Laura Dern looks fab – the type of woman you could have a damn good laugh with and she has done some great stuff over the years (Tales of the city!!!), but the others are pretty much a bit dull and look as though all personality has been removed during their colonic, there is no modern day equivalent of Audrey Hepburn in that line up for sure
I think I’ll put Katie Perry in the same camp as Anne Hathaway (erm, I’ll give them both a pass) Katie with her dead cold eyes and Annie with her overly gushy/emotive face that looks pulled by a team of hidden hamsters hell bent on their cyborg-actress achieving world domination. Maybe they are both lovely, lovely women – it just doesn’t translate into pictures of either of them
Juliet. YES!! Laura Dern DOES look like that girl you can have a blast with! She’s a great talent as well–with parents like Bruce Dern and Diane Ladd , she’s sure to have some talent from that gene pool. And she did look absolutely stunning.
Oh. Ann “hathaway” of annoying me to the nth degree. She poses better than she acts. I’m not a fan of hers at all. Perry–I like because her songs are fun and she has a great rack!! One of the few who CAN wear the plunge!!
But it would be a very smart thing for these female actors to take a good look at the Audrey Hepburns and the Loretta Youngs and the Kate Hepburns and the stars of the past. They could learn about how to look like a true star!! XOXOXOXO!!!
I agree that the old Hollywood glamour is better than what we have now. Why do these “Designers ” have to try so hard to change classic and beautiful style? Those plunging necklines looked very tacky IMO.
I always love reading your blog, although it’s been awhile since I’ve checked in. I’ve had a very busy and upsetting end to 2016 with the loss of a mother-daughter team who were very good friends of my family, in fact we considered them to be family indeed. My “aunt” and “cousin” passed away within 16 days of each other, from heart disease and cancer respectively. While we knew they were ill, we never expected them to leave us so closely in time. Their final days showed us their great strength and grace, and to never take life for granted.
Best wishes to you and everyone here for the happiest and healthiest new year ever.
And the award for the Best Critic goes to (cue drumroll)……. Catherine. I just love this post, I love being bitchy when the occasion calls for it and you have some gems here. I didn’t see the show and to be honest I haven’t heard of most of the celebs, but going by the photos I totally agree with most of what you said. I quite liked Sofia Vergara’s dress. I love the colour of Katy Perry’s dress but I think it would have looked better if it was a proper plunge neckline, the satin bits should have been drawn closer together, it looks as if it wasn’t finished on time and that ridiculous flesh coloured piece of net was added as an afterthought, not helped by the way she looks to be holding it. Reese Witherspoon is my favourite. Poor Felicity Jones’ dress – oh dear. But the worst one has to be Sarah Jessica Parker, all that money, what was going through her mind when she was planning that? Oh your video was just magic, I recognised 99% of the stars but couldn’t name them all!! Bring back the glamour.
Fabulous, hilarious and spot on! Can’t wait for your Academy Awards review!
Thanks Charlene!! I’m picking out my tasteless outfit as I write this!!! XOXOXOXO!!!