My son, Jake, moved to Los Angeles Today. The news about this move was given to me when we were in France. I’m pretty sure Jake waited until then because if he had told me before I left, I would have been a crying mess.
He’s embarking on an incredible career move!
I was the last person to find out about this because of my uncanny ability to do nothing but cry and feel sorry for myself when things don’t turn out the way I want them to.
I cried so much that if there was a drought, it would be over!
I’m not the perfect mom.
In fact, I pretty much suck as a mom.
I’m not that mom who speaks softly. I’ve never been that mom who says “darn it” or does that “tsk tsk” thing.
I’m not that mom who told the kids that “my friend” was coming for monthly visits. I’m the mom who bluntly announced, “Oh my God—the cramps!!” “I have my period!!!” “Be nice to me!!!”
Remarkably quite realistic of how I looked once a month. And if you ask my kids who this is, they will say “Oh my God–it’s my mother” They will not answer Zoey Deschanel.
I spent my days as a stay-at-home mom nurturing my children in my own distinct way and teaching them to be independent. I think I taught them the independence thing too well.
Oona is in Cincinnati. Jake will be in L.A. Roman is still in New York City but now I wonder—when will the time come that he decides to follow the steps of his older brother?
Jake and Roman arelikethis—and the best thing I did as a mom was to stress the importance of all three kids having each other. The boys are really close. Roman helped Jake with a lot of the packing–especially since Jake has a broken wrist!
Our family has never been perfect. I’ve always envisioned Christmas cards with us at the beach, sitting on the dunes, the sea-breeze gently blowing our hair into ever-so-perfectly strands that are one with the wind. Light blue chambray shirts and white jeans—all of us. A cross between a J. Crew ad and a layout in Town & Country magazine.
Like a version of the Kennedy family.
Look at those teeth!! Look at those smiles! I’ll never aspire to this sort of photo.
But alas, unlike any of the Kennedy women, I’m more like a pared-down version of a Mob Wife. With the gutta mouth to match!
I’m more like Rene from Mob Wives–but without the violence!
My child-rearing abilities—or rather, disabilities went against way my siblings raised their children. I never had a set bed time for the kids because they went to sleep when they were tired. And they loved their sleep and went to bed early on their own.
I also never denied their friends to visit. I love having my house as the gathering place. It was my way of knowing where my kids were! Sneaky—right??
I actually did buy Jake a box of condoms when he went off to college.
I didn’t believe in censorship. To a point. While I wouldn’t want my boys watching “Girls Gone Wild”, I allowed them to watch films and read books that may have been a bit mature for them at times. Well, I did forbid fashion magazines in the house when Oona was in middle school because I didn’t want her to grow up with a negative body image and I didn’t want her to think she had to look like those human Q-tips called models.
What can I say???
Damn. See how I’m bringing this back to me?
Here’s the thing. My son is clear across the country. I don’t think I saw enough of him during his young adulthood.
He went off to college, as kids do and when he returned, he moved back to NYC. I live in Pennsylvania. And although we saw each other, I’m sure, enough to keep him satisfied, we didn’t see each other enough to keep me satisfied.
One of my favorite photos of the boys. Jake could have had a great man bun with that head of hair!!
I’m a selfish mom, I am.
When your kids are younger, you never envision them as adults. Then you turn around and they are on their own. Where does the time go? It’s so fleeting!
But if anyone on this earth deserves the opportunity and the success that my young man has now, it is him. When his dad and I were going through our divorce, Jake left University of Texas to work full time so that he could return to the University as a State resident.
He worked his ass off, returned to school and managed to work his way through with honors.
He was focused and determined. I will never forget back when he was in third grade, I was emptying his backpack and a paper fell out. It was a test. His grade was a 78. When I later questioned him on why he didn’t show me or tell me about the test, he became angry. But he wasn’t angry with me. He was angry with himself. He was mortified that he had gotten such a low grade and told me point blank that would never happen again (Personally, the 78 was no big deal to me). He never did. He ended up at the top of his class and it was all from very, very hard work.
First day of Kindergarten at St. Ignatius Loyola School. How many kids are lucky enough to take the Subway to school at 4 years old?
I think of those nights spent during his childhood when he was sick. My God, I thought a flu was the worst thing that could happen. And don’t even get me started when he caught cat scratch fever! (Yes. There is a thing. And he got it from a cat scratch) I couldn’t speak for two days until the doctor finally told me everything was fine!
I think of the times driving to and from baseball and basketball practices and games. I think of the times when I would get to spend time alone with him when he was young.
He still has his beloved Red Sox cap from his middle school years!
It’s more difficult when a son moves far away, I think. Oona lives in Cincinnati, but we talk practically every day. We talk so much that we even argue over the phone. Then we make up. Sometimes Oona is the mother. Sometimes I’m the mother. But the thing is, she never feels like she’s far away. And her visits, although not as often as I would like, are longer ones.
Oona my mom. She’ll curb my FB posts about a certain person who isn’t my president!
Sometimes Motherhood hurts. And that’s ok!
I’ve been crying at work. I’ve been crying in my car. I’ve been crying at home. And now that you have allowed me to vent, I feel much better. I’ve finally stopped crying!
It hit me that the reason we have kids is to love them and by loving them we raise them to be responsible and successful adults. I did that.
Selfie time with me and the boys. We went into NYC on Saturday to hang for a while. It was great!!!
And now, I wish Jake all the success in the world as he embarks upon a very wonderful position out in L.A. He will be enjoying the sunshine and quite possibly healthier food. I don’t know if California sells full-on fatty ice cream—he may have to eat Tofutti!
But I’m proud and happy and rooting for his every success!
I think he’s going to love California!
Ohhhh…I can’t wait till Christmas!!!
© 2017 Atypical60.com
I can’t stop thinking of this song that Joni Mitchell sings so beautifully “The Circle Game”–because this song pretty much sums it up!!