Mother-of-The Bride Chronicles. On Friday We Keep Our Big Mother Mouths Shut!And Learn to Have Fun!!!!

Friday.  Tonight, we have the wedding rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and a Meet and Greet for out-of-town guests.

But first, let’s delve into the events of this busy day.

This is the day the remaining bridesmaids arrived.   Once again, it was an early wake-up call with no time to spare.

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Cock-a-doodle-do and time to wake up!  It’s the day before the wedding!

With a few bridesmaids in tow, we went to a local government office to pick up on of the ladies.  I was asked to slide low in the seat and remain out-of-sight due to my recent Twitter ban.  (One can only guess what it was about.  I shall not mention it here).  I complied.

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I’m in hiding…………..again!

Then it was on to the nail salon where the girls had mani-pedis.  Since I don’t trust anyone except Kim to do my nails, I had mine done before travelling to Cincinnati.

Girls just wanna have fun…and get the nails done!

And while the girls were having their nails done, I spotted a book store in the strip mall.  Oh, happy day!  I’m that person.  The one who can spend hours rummaging through book stores.  And this one was extra!  There was a vintage children’s/young adult section.  Honest to God, had I travelled with an actual suitcase rather than a carry-on, I would have purchased a good number of these books.

Do you remember Cherry Ames books?  I do and I blame her and Ben Casey along with Dr. Kildare for the start of my hypochondria!

This.  I almost bought it.  I LOVED Nancy Drew books and read this one and for old time’s sake wanted it!

Instead I purchased a journal, a few pens and a vintage cookbook!

Well, now there’s 5,000,000 and one copy in use!  There are quite a few gems in here!  And half price!  This was a great bookstore to rummage around in!

When all was done, the girls took an Uber downtown and Oona and I went on our way to run errands.  This is where it got ……difficult.

I should have NEVER opened my mouth!  It should have stayed shut like this!

NOTE:  If you are the Mother-of-the-Bride, please realize that even the most chill bride will be under stress the days leading up to the wedding.  If you are a rather…. emotional, high-strung, neurotic, anxiety-ridden, and bad-mom, Mother-of-the-Bride, you too, will be under stress.

This pretty-much describes a “moment” that Oona and I had! Ain’t gonna lie!

Now. There were many feelings going through my head. I’m not gonna lie.  The biggest feeling was guilt.  It was a very high guilt-ridden time for me because I could not afford to pay for her wedding.  And yes. I felt and still feel miserable about this.  I have deep-rooted issues that go way back and could go on for days about my emotional “conditions”.  But, at this time, I would rather nut not.

Bear with me on this.

I have a big mouth.  And I’m annoying AF.  Perhaps it’s the self-centeredness in me.  Perhaps it’s the “I’m-not-right-in-the-head” in me. Or perhaps it’s the fact that I don’t think before I speak.  Whatever it is, I kinda messed up a bit.

It happened with the cookies.

We went to Donna’s Gourmet Cookies to pick up the 20 dozen various cookies for wedding guests. It was an extra for guests to take with them on the way from the reception.

Ummmmm Ummmmm. I could throw down a dozen or so of these babies!

While there we picked up an “Ooey Gooey” cookie to split.  Let me tell you, this was beyond delicious and I could have used a pint of cold milk.  It made me want to take a dozen of the cookies out of one of the boxes and just gorge.  All was fine.  We enjoyed the sweetness and ooey goodness and went on our way.

And then I said something.

I didn’t think it would cause WW3 but it did.  I mentioned that since we would be dropping the cookies off at the venue, perhaps we should make a sign that read “Please Do Not Touch the Cookies. They Are for Tomorrow’s Wedding”

Understand this.  I’m a New Yorker.  Born and raised.  My dad was a NYC Cop.  I trust no one.  OK. I trust my kids and my husband.  Other than those four, I trust no one.  I can love someone and like someone but trust is another thing.

Let’s just say that when you are the Mother-of-the-Bride, you need to keep your opinions…any opinion to yourself.  Do not offer suggestions, do not comment unless you are asked.  You have no opinion.  Keep your mouth shut. Zip it. It is not your day. It is the day of the bride.  I only wish I had known this beforehand.

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Yeah. Uh Oh is right.  I need to learn to shut my yap in the future!

Words Yelling (mostly on my part) was exchanged, tears flowed and silence followed.

Our next stop was A.C. Moore to pick up a crochet hook.  Tony King, tailor extraordinaire, suggested getting a crochet hook to make hooking the bustle to the dress easier.  While the bride waited in the car, I went into the store to find the hook. That’s were I lost it and started to cry.  A lot!

Yes. If I could have crawled under a table or desk or anywhere and had a good cry with a bottle of wine, I would have.  I felt really bad.  Honestly, I wish I was one of those perfect and good and nurturing moms rather than the bad mom that I am!

Nobody likes to come to terms with their personality disorders and I realized at that moment, I’m not a great or even good example of a mom.  Somewhere down the line I lost my nurturing ways and I should have been more sensitive to Oona’s needs at this time.

Yup!  I’m this mom!  

The positive thing is that I can pass this information on to future Mothers-of-the-Bride so you don’t make the mistakes that I have!

Tony was spot on about using the crochet hook and as you can see, this is in the original package. I forgot to bring it to the reception.  But no worries, my longer acrylic nails worked perfectly to fasten the hook to the buttons on the bustle!

We drove back in silence, arrived back at the house and I was ready to call an Uber to take me to the hotel when Sam came in and made it right.  It took approximately thirty seconds to make up and things were once again, better and the anticipation of the wedding was at an all-time high!

And just like that we had a Gilmore Girls moment of hugging and smiling and getting back on track!

Arriving at the Westin, we unloaded and I checked in.  Honestly, I have to give both kudos and an “are-you-kidding-me?” to this Marriott chain brand.  The reservation was made in my husband’s name.  And so, when I checked in, I had to show proof of my being Mrs. Lartigue.  My driver’s license, with no thanks to the miserable State of Pennsylvania, still had my maiden name.  When I changed my name, I had to pay $38.00 and all I got was a lousy card with the name change that I had to keep with my license.  It ripped right at the new name. That money went down the drain. Now I need to carry my passport when traveling domestically.  I whipped out my passport and headed up to our room.  The husband wasn’t arriving for a few hours so I was the first to enter.

No complaints about our room. It was spacious and the bed was extremely comfortable!

The room was lovely and spacious; I unpacked and made my way to Oona’s suite.  It was magnificent.  We hugged, validated what time to be at the rehearsal and I went on my way to for a bit of rest.

Naturally, being nosy, I headed down to the lobby to catch any signs of friends or family and they were arriving in droves. It was great to see so many people that I hadn’t seen in a long time.  Bonaparte arrived and we headed upstairs.

At this point I was getting antsy and dressed for the dinner.

NOTE:  Do not.  I repeat—do not wear any super-tight body shapers such as Spanx or the like if you want to be relaxed and enjoy yourself.

This is the shapewear I bought.  Notice the model hasn’t an ounce of fat that needs to be sucked in.  I had 15 gained pounds to suck in (yes. I went from 140 to 155 in a matter of months from stress-eating) and couldn’t even breath.  Shapewear be damned!

I struggled getting my shapewear on.  How the eff did women manage to wear corsets and girdles in past decades?  My dress, a cute fitted number by Guess, was slightly loose months ago when I purchased it.  Due to stress-eating, it was now a bit tight but managed to still fit.  For a better fit I purchased a Flexee Body Shaper by Maidenform.  It was It difficult to maneuver—especially over my thighs.  I had to grab my fat and stuff it into this chastity-belt like mass of too-tight fabric in order to look good.  Once it was on, and the dress over it, I didn’t see much of a difference but the struggle to take it back off would be too much while I was sober.  My spray tan now had a faint hue of purple due to the fact my circulation was cut off.

Shit!  When I tried this dress on in the store it was when I weighed 15 pounds less and hadn’t worn shapewear.  Oh well.  It is what it is!

It was now time to head to the rehearsal.

Everything was all set up (and I didn’t DARE ask where the cookies were!)

Place cards that I cut and prepared were at the ready!

And final preparations were put into place..

Emotions returned. But this time, they were bittersweet. Oona was gorgeous.  She wore a white off-the-shoulder dress and for the first time ever, I saw her as the woman she is—not as my baby girl. And I wondered just where the past 29 years have gone.

Oona and her bridesmaids…

A hug between friends.

Rehearsing for the big day!

The future Mr. and Mrs.!

When the rehearsal was done it was off to the dinner at NADA, a high-end Mexican restaurant.  And wow!  The food was great!  Best Gazpacho I ever had and I want that recipe.  Badly.

Nada. If you are in Cincinnati–check this downtown Mexican eatery out. You won’t be disappointed!!!!

Best Gazpacho ever!

The salmon tacos are off the charts greatness.  Did I mention I have 15 pounds to lose?


I got a photo of Roman and Sam’s grandfather, Jack.  Jack is the man!!!  He is so much fun—he should have been at the Reds game the night before!

Roman and Jack kickin’ it up at Nada!

Folks.  My apologies but this is where the photos for the evening ends.  We went to another place after the dinner for a “Meet and Greet” for family and friends.  I partook in quite a few delicious beverages that were not soda nor water.  I had five Bourbon Sours and random glasses of wine that I stole from empty tables.  Yes. I played high school.

Yeah. Mommy had five of these…and random glasses of wine that I took from empty tables.

I wasn’t really wasted—just happy.  Afterwards some of us decided to go to a Karaoke bar but on the way, Bonaparte diverted me back to the hotel and the only singing I did was Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer”. On the streets of downtown Cincinnati with my sister.

I’m not wasted!  I’m just happy!

Needless to say, when I got back to the hotel room, I had incredible heartburn and threw up.  I felt much better and fell asleep to dreams and visions of the next day!

I also threw the body shaper into the trash!

Stay tuned for the final installment–The Wedding!

About Catherine

Far from perfect, but enjoying life as a non-perfect and flawed individual at 60 years young. I'm still wondering what I'll be when I grow up! The characters in my life's screenplay include my better half. He is a refined Frenchman who grew up in Paris and summered in St. Tropez. I grew up in Long Island and summered in Long Island. I am not refined. My three grown children are also a big part of my life. For their sake, they happily live where their careers have taken them! But I can still mother them from a distance! I write about the mundane. I write about deeply shallow issues. But whatever I write or muse about--it'll always be a bit on the humorous and positive side! It's all good!
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21 Responses to Mother-of-The Bride Chronicles. On Friday We Keep Our Big Mother Mouths Shut!And Learn to Have Fun!!!!

  1. OK, to be honest. I think you were right to try and leave that message. But as you said emotions were high. But it really was a great idea. I’m sure there were people who would have loved a taste of those cookies. Oh well. Enjoying the wedding.

    • emjayandthem says:

      I’m not a NY’er, not the daughter of a NYC cop, and raised on a grain farm in the middle of everyone trusts everybody. And I think your suggestion was a good one! 🙂

    • Catherine says:

      Thanks Sandy! Yeah. I honestly think that emotions were running higher than high tide! Oona was so cool and calm and very easy-going for the entire year but the two days before were stressful. I think she just had it with my big mouth–LOL! (I still think my suggestion was very good too but I’m not saying a word…………)

  2. emjayandthem says:

    Anxiety rides high heading into a wedding ~ sounds like things all worked out and everyone had fun. Those cookies were worth guarding 🙂


    • Catherine says:

      Hi MJ! Oh for sure anxiety and just about every emotion known to humankind runs rampant before the wedding! Things worked out beautifully and those cookies….It’s a good thing I left for home on Sunday because had I stayed longer a couple more pounds would have been added on!! XOXOXOXO

  3. Dee says:

    I am known for having the best intentions but always an opinion unique to me!! I will take your advice to heart and keep my MOB mouth shut when our daughter marries in Cincy in 12 days!!!!
    Thanks for sharing. No bourbon sours or spanx!!!

    • Catherine says:

      Dee. Throw any phase of Spanx or shapewear in the trash. Tis better to be comfortable rather than feel like a Jimmy Dean sausage link! Do not. I repeat do NOT open your mouth even with the best of intentions for we moms have a way of meaning one thing while it comes out appearing critical!! Well……have a couple of drinks and have the GREATEST TIME EVER!!! XOXOXOXO

  4. Maryellen Reardon says:

    I am loving these posts and thank you for your candor. I love your blog because you don’t sugar coat. Good for you throwing the Spanx away. Let’s just be ourselves.

    • Catherine says:

      Thank you Maryellen. Thank you for appreciating my candor. I keep it as real as possible and the fact that it’s true. Not all of us are that perfect Mother-of-the-Bride nor are we the perfect mother. Even as our kids morph into adults we moms still make mistakes! I still feel bad over the cookie debacle but hey, I got a big mouth that I need to keep shut. It happens and I refuse to sugar-coat. I kept a chronicle of how it really is..LOL!! Oh the friggin shapewear–never again. I’ll allow my gut to hang out in all it’s glory rather than to squeeze into that shit again!! XOXOXOXO

  5. vavashagwell says:

    I love your candor, too. I also think it’s great you tossed the Spanx. Sounds like you had a wonderful evening before the wedding! Can’t wait to read the next installment!!!

    • Catherine says:

      Hey Vava! Yeah. Throw that shit in the trash. Nobody deserves to feel like a stuffed sausage casing!! The rest will, hopefully, be on board Tuesday or Thursday. I have a full week at work but no worries it’ll be good because the wedding was spectacular! XOXOXOXO

  6. Momcat says:

    OMG!!! Too funny! I would love you to be MOB at any wedding! But to side with Oona, man I nearly KILLED my own ma 44 years ago before our wedding. She had ordered a gown to wear and had waited UNRIL THE MORNING IF THE WEDDING to pick it up. Then she called my father crying that it was the wrong colour!!! My Dad who has great colour sense decided that it was actually a better colour than wait she had originally ordered…this he told me. Later he said that he hated the colour of peach my mother had worn but felt it diplomatic to be positive. It doesn’t look too bad in the photo.
    My brother and my sister in law had a Pier 6er
    Over the fact that SIL has cut her waist long hair into a ‘Dorothy Hamill’ hours before the wedding…without telling him!!!! She was my maid of honour and actually rocked the hair
    so not sure what his issue was…
    Yep when my cousin got married his future SIL told the officiating priest that she wore black because she was in mourning for my cousin!!!
    She actually said “C should marry me, he’d be a lot happier!”
    Ya know, Miss Oona got off easy;)the situation could have been much worse…and your new Son in law sounds like a doll! Mazeltov!
    Family weddings are da bomb!!

    • Catherine says:

      Oh Momcat. I swear you and I are related in some mystical way! And you are so correct. It could have been a hella lot worse. The bridesmaids all got along fantastically–no girly drama. My dress was fine. Sam’s mom’s dress was fine. All in all it was drama-free with the exception of the “argument” Oona and I had and it wasn’t a major. And all of this is best looked at in a humorous way.
      Thank you my good friend! Thank you so very much! XOXOXOXO

  7. Renee in Northern California says:

    Oh Catherine, “dust ups” indeed happen at weddings. I have to say those cookies…looked divine and I would have wanted to “save” them, too! Anyway, perhaps you both needed a little “release” before the wedding. All the planning details, expense, travel and high emotions can be exhausting (I know firsthand). Looking forward to the next segment…can’t wait to see the bride!

    • Catherine says:

      Oh Renee! It’s such a girl thing But I need to stop and pause because her dad’s speech left me cringing at one point. I’m still debating whether or not to include it but you know that I most definitely will. All weddings have their stories which are pure entertainment and this one fell in line with that value. It was great. It was memorable. It was pretty-dang fun! XOXOXOXOXO

  8. Toni Soucie says:

    Cathe, If you think the MOB is difficult, just wait until you become a grandmother with all the sage advice you will have. That is where I have had to learn to shut my mouth but I learned to do that the hard way. I am happy that you and Oona worked things out before the wedding. I just love reading about your adventures leading up to the wedding and your looked amazing.


  9. Oh boy! But it all comes good in the end! Haha.

  10. I laughed and laughed as your tales of M-O-B woes remind me of my own failure when my daughter married 5 years ago. At the wedding rehearsal we learned that she would be waiting in the ladies room in her white gown that goes to the floor with a train. I lost it and said no way there must be another place for her to wait. She was so embarrassed and angry with me (rightly so ) and just did not want to create a fuss. It worked out okay but what a lesson to learn, It reminds me of a stage play dress rehearsal where everything goes wrong the night before the show. and of course opening night is great! Thanks for sharing !

  11. The love you have for Oona, and your sons, always comes through on the page, no matter the little ‘incidents.’ Your dress and hair were fabulous. Oona’s white dress was fabulous. Sam looked proud, and it wasn’t even the main event. Best wishes to everyone!

  12. Anne M Bray says:

    You are hysterical! In a LOL way, not a cRaZy way. Found you through Catherine’s linkup.

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