I know. I know. On this Monday, I really AM a hot mess!
I have the dreaded “Summer Cold”! A fever came to visit as well.
Tylenol.
Doctor Bonaparte woke me up with Tylenol this morning. He said I was burning up–and not in the GOOD way!
Water.
To tell you the truth, I’m not even thirsty enough to drink a lot of this. Thank goodness I have the smaller bottles!
Fluffy pillows. A comfortable bed.
Yes. Fluffy pillows are a must. But THE most important pillow is the one covered with satin! The hair still needs to look good! The satin pillow keeps my do looking good!
The remote control to the TV are my much-needed supplies today.
The remote is essential–even though I’ll probably hit the wrong buttons and starting cursing at the TV. Even through a miserable cold, I can still curse with the best of ’em!
Actually. My eyes are so watery and closed so tightly that I don’t think I’ll be using the remote. I think after I write this, I’ll be entering into an on-again, off-again daytime slumber.
I cannot even THINK of putting even the most minimal of eye makeup on today!
One side of my nose feels as though I have a bag of cotton stuffed to high into my nostril that I can feel it in my brain. The other side of my nose is running like a tap.
Ugh. Don’t you HATE having that half-stuffed, half-runny nose? It’s so annoying!!!!
The tissue supply is going quickly.
Don’t be disgusted. This is just a clean tissue all crumbled up. Poor Bonaparte will be picking up my trail of used tissues the rest of the day–and he will be saying words in French that I will not understand. I know they will not be words of love!
It sucks because the Summer cold is just so much worse than the Winter Cold.
The Winter Cold seems to welcome the many comfy blankets and soft-as-a-cloud comforter. You know that no matter how low the outside temperature drops you will still be snuggled and toasty in your womb of a bed.
The Summer Cold knows no comfort. You are warm. The outside temperature is warmer.
You fight the blankets and sheets because your body is indecisive in the quest for a comfortable body temperature.
There is no biting cold to slaughter those germs. Um. Yes. I am one of those people who grew up with her mother saying that the cold kills any germs. To this day I believe that.
I am a firm believer that the cold kills germs!!!
The heat just festers those little germs and gives them nowhere to go. Those little pesky germies are in a stage of suspended animation.
It pisses me off, too, because I had a long posting going on in my head.
Unfortunately (or—actually maybe fortunately because nobody will have to deal with my ramblings), today, I’ll be condensing my weekend report!
Friday I was feeling great! So much of the meal for Saturday evening had been prepared so I started the day off with coffee and a movie.
I watched “Marriage Italian Style”—the early 1960’s film starring Sophia Loren and Marcello Mastroianni. Subtitles don’t bother me so this Italian language comedy by Carlo Ponti was fun to watch. It was hard to get past Loren’s beautiful eye makeup. OMG—she’s so pretty AND Mastroianni is just so handsome.
Look at her makeup! It’s sooooo perfect and timeless!
….and that Marcello. Catherine Deneuve was one lucky woman. She had him OFF set!
Loren plays a young prostitute who becomes the mistress of the wealthy bakery owner Mastroianni. He turns her legit by having her work for him.
She “tricks” him into marriage. I won’t give anything else away because I do NOT believe in spoilers. But the movie is incredibly funny and kept up well over the ages.
Last Rites–or Matrimony? SOME may argue they are one and the same!
It isn’t an Italian film without a priest!!
That’s all you’re getting out of me. No spoilers. But–this is one funny and touching film! If you get the chance–give it a look-see!
Roman arrived Friday afternoon and it was great to have him over. The kids like spending suburban weekends with us because it really is their chance to just relax and get away from the hyperactivity of the City.
Saturday was when I started to feel a bit—well, “funny”. We were at the pool and my throat started to feel “scratchy”.
You know that feeling, back where your nasal passages meet your throat and it feels a bit like you swallowed sandpaper? Then you get this funny taste in the back of your mouth?
Then right under your lower lip, it feels sweaty?
I always know I’m about to come down “with something” when I start to feel like this!
Yeah. I felt like that.
Still, dinner was fun and went off with no glitches. Bonaparte’s daughter and her family enjoyed the evening. I had a blast with Bonaparte’s granddaughter and after everyone left, Roman and I started a binge of the Netflix show “Wet Hot American Summer”. The binge ended as I started to fall asleep.
The kale salad with the peanut dressing was a tremendous success for a summer evening!
Sunday arrived and I felt like garbage. But luckily Roman came here to relax. We continued our binge.
Does anyone look familiar to you? If you have Netflix–this show, based on the movie will have you in stitches. Better empty your bladder before viewing!
Bonaparte, Roman and I enjoyed a lovely dinner at a local restaurant before dropping him off at the train station for his return back to New York.
We started off with a beautiful Charcuterie platter–in all honesty, I could barely taste this!
Bonaparte had strong suspicions that I wasn’t feeling well when he suggested a nightcap and I refused. Ten minutes later I was sound asleep clutching a supply of tissues for my running nose and didn’t wake up till earlier this morning.
I’m going back to bed now. I feel like hell.
Enjoy the Monday! I’m sooooo sorry that I’m not myself—but it’s that “Blah”. “Meh”. “Ugh” feeling of the dreaded Summer Cold!
XOXOXOXOXOXO–with tissues!
Enjoy today’s song. “Hot Blooded” by Foreigner. I DO have a fever of ..”a hundred and three”!!
Ugh. I don’t know about you but this morning I woke up just feeling so “blah” and had my lazy on that I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.
Leave me ALONE! I just feel like going back to sleep!
Bonaparte wouldn’t have it. He insisted I get out of bed and take Chippy off the bed too. He further instructed me to take a bath and make the bed!
I woke up with what I call “That Sunday Kinda Feeling”. YOU KNOW THE FEELING! It’s that queasy feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. The feeling spreads throughout your arms and legs making them feel squishy. You become anxious at the mere thought of the beginning of a new school or work week. Happens every Sunday night! A sad end to the weekend!
Anyway—that feeling gave me an idea!
Like Hayley Mills in “The Parent Trap” I had a scathingly brilliant idea! OK–so it was just a bright idea!!
Being the scientifically minded, incredibly curious, absolutely inquisitive, simple-minded experimenter that I am, I decided to see how many “feelings” I could experience on this humid and hot Thursday.
Come along and spend the morning with me and you can get to experience my fun and exciting range of emotions!
Feeling “Tired”: Yeah. That’s right. I don’t feel like getting up today. I just want to stay in bed! Chippy feels the same way. The two of us can hang out and…..
Chippy and I are just so much alike. If we were any closer, I would be carrying a litter of puppies!
I just wanted to spend a lazy day doing nothing but watching Netflix and wallowing in self-pity! But I just have too much to do!
Feeling “Intelligent”: During my slothful laziness, I discovered a rather intellectual TV show on the BBC. “Show Me The Monet”. Amateur artists vie for the opportunity to have their works accepted to be displayed in London venues. The fates hang on the decisions of three “critics”. Art is so subjective and these critics were rather condescending—oh wait! They’re British! I was feeling so intelligent watching this because I realized the judges were full of shit!
Is it art? Oh wait. I think it’s a commercial. I’ll shut the TV off!
Feeling “Like a Stinky Hog”: Yeah. I didn’t bathe yesterday. Need I say more?
Yeah. The one on the right would be me!
Feeling “Human”: I took a bath. Now my skin is soft. I smell like flowers. AND, I shaved my entire legs so the sideburns won’t peek out from my upper thighs when I wear the bottom of my bikini!
It felt so good to take a bath. The flies actually flew out of the house!
Forget daisies. I felt fresh as a bouquet of fresh flowers!
We may be going to the Shore on Saturday. I shaved. Need I elaborate?
Feeling “Excited” and “Guilty: Roman is coming tomorrow to spend the weekend!!!
No filming at Fallon tomorrow and SNL is on a break so Roman gets to come to see us a day earlier! I’m so excited! I love hanging with my son!
I’m excited but guilty! Saturday evening Bonaparte’s daughter, her husband and their daughter will be joining us for dinner. I’m feeling guilty because it’s just too freaking hot to bake. I should be preparing brioche dough, and perhaps getting puff pastry sheets together to prep for some nice toasty appetizer. Oh. And I should be thinking about baking a nice tarte for dessert.
Instead, I’m going to make Vietnamese Lemongrass Chicken. I’m “encoring” the link to the recipe. It’s such a standout! I double the sauce and jar it. It’s THAT good!
All I need to do is marinate chicken then cook everything on top of the stove. Serve it with rice. I’ll do a Kale salad with peanut dressing too. Here’s the link for this greatest salad recipe of all time. I hope I don’t get sued for posting this, but the Peanut dressing is to die for. I literally quadrupled it and canned it. Between this Peanut dressing and the Lemongrass sauce. I’m in heaven. Oh..I’m feeling “hungry”!!!
(NOTE: If this meal seems familiar, it is the same meal I made a few weekends ago when Jake and the girl came to visit). I’ll do the frozen Nougatine for dessert. The recipe says to roast the pistachios in the oven for 10 minutes. It’s too hot to turn the oven on. This can be done on the stove top! I’m making two of these!
All dishes can be done on the stovetop and the oven doesn’t need to be turned on.
I’ll figure the appetizers out later one. My brain is full right now—I don’t want to overfeed it!
Feeling “Flattered”! Yes. Thanks to the really nice comments I received for yesterday’s posting about my “uniform”, I’m feeling very pleasantly flattered today. Ouch—I can now feel my head becoming bigger. It’s blowing up like a balloon! Don’t burst little head of mine-that huge brain will splatter all over the place and will make a mess that Bonaparte will not appreciate!
Flattery will get you everywhere. But I need to not get big headed. My ass and thighs are big enough–I don’t need a head to match it! I’ll burst!!!!!
Feeling “OCD”: OK. While applying my makeup, I spotted a hair that was sticking out of my head. It took about three minutes to “grab” it. I needed to get my hands on that stray hair because it had split ends all..the…way…up…the..hair..shaft. I needed to get rid of the splits! Come on ladies—don’t tell me you’ve never done that before. I can practically see you checking your hair after you read this!
Ladies, do NOT tell me you have NEVER done this! There is nothing like sating the OCD appetite like finding that one strand of hair with a million splits on it! PLEASE tell me I’m not the only one….
Feeling “Ambitious”: I’m getting ready to make my grocery list. I’ll get dressed and go to Wegman’s then come back and start my prep work. I’m so ambitious!
Feeling “Reflective”: I’m thinking about what to write on my blog!
In a reflective mood. I’m actually reflecting on the fact I really REALLY need to clean this mirror. It’s a mess!
Feeling “Hypocritical”: I forgot to mention in yesterday’s “Uniform” post about my summer dress uniform of maxi dresses and skirts. I only wear them in the summer. For some reason, they are quite comfy. I really am not a hypocrite! I just forgot!
I forgot to add my summer maxi uniform to yesterday’s post. I feel almost as hypocritical as the Duggar family!Dressed to the maxi to go food shopping!
Feeling “Like-I-Better-Get-Off-My-Fat-Ass-And-Get-A-Move-On! I need to get back to ambitious and get outta here to run errands!
Yeah. I’m bustin’ a move. I made the bed. Now onto the supermarket!
Feeling ” Temptation”: At Wegman’s. In the snack aisle. I’m tempted by the goodies but I just looked down at my ass. Je passé!
Ahhh. Pretzels and Corn Chips. Washed down with chocolate milk. What more could an emotional eater ask for?
Feeling “MORE Temptation:. Damn. I’m in the cookie aisle. I want to motorboat the Milano’s!
Sweet Toffee and Salted Pretzel Milano Slices! This is just too much for me. Now I know how Jesus felt during Lent!!! Milano = The Devil. I must walk away from temptation!
Feeling ” Are You KIDDING Me?”and disgusted: It’s freakin’ August. AUGUST!! Halloween candy? Already? I hope parents realize the garbagy candy their kids will be eating just shy of three months will be stale and covered in bloom!
I’m also feeling slightly scared! Will the Christmas decorations and candy be displayed next week?
Feeling “Uncomfortable and Awkward”: At the check out to pay for groceries. The cashier detected my New Yawk accent and asked me if I was, in fact, a New Yorker. I told her I was born there and lived in NY for many years. She then told me she went to the 9/11 memorial and asked me if I was there yet?
Awkward silence after I told her I worked in the Twin Towers a long time ago and wasn’t quite ready to go back to that sight.
Awkward silence broken after I told her it was important, though, that people never forget and should go to visit the site.
Ya just don’t know what the day will bring!
Feeling “Happy”: Yay!!! I turned “Nostalgie” radio on as soon as I got into my car. My favorite Laurent Voulzy song “Bubble Star” was playing. It put me in a bubbly and extremely happy mood to listen to it!
I love Laurent Voulzy. His OTHER happy song is Rockollection. I’m telling you. This Frenchman rocks–as only a Frenchie can rock!
I’m also feeling happy because my car is STILL clean–it’s been three weeks. Look how organized my groceries are!
Feeling “Clumsy”: While putting the groceries away, I stubbed my toe, dropped tomatoes all over the floor and knocked an opened bag of pistachios all over the counter.
I also had to fight Chippy over the stuff that fell on the floor. Don’t judge me by that boxed Mac & Cheese. It’s for Bonaparte’s granddaughter. I don’t know if a five-year old can handle that spicy Vietnamese Lemongrass Chicken!
Feeling “A Sense of Accomplishment”: I put the groceries away.
Feeling “Incredibly Comfortable”: I took off my maxi dress and stripped off my underwear and put on my truly disgusting ratty booty shorts and baggy t-shirt. Now I can go downstairs to the kitchen and start doing prep work for the weekend meals!
Ohhh. It is just so comfortable when I change into ratty clothing! At least my makeup and hair will look nice when Bonaparte comes home from work!
I don’t know what kinds of feelings I’ll continue to have during the remainder of the day, but I can tell you that I will be feeling like a complete slob when I do the prep work.
Then, when I’m done, I’ll feel determined because I’ll be cleaning and scrubbing that kitchen till you can eat off the floors!
I certainly hope that in spite of any feelings we all may have during the day, the positive and happy feelings combat any bad feelings we may experience!!!
XOXOXOXO! You KNOW I just cannot resist posting this song!! “Feelings”. But I’m posting the piano version by the original Loulou Gaste..and you won’t have to listen to the gooey, syrupy words!
I’m pretty much a natural slob. By that, I mean I’ll spill stuff on myself. I’ll forget to close drawers completely. I’ll leave closet doors opened. I’ll be the one with that tuft of hair sticking out like Alfalfa. I’ll be the one who is all dressed up and the bra strap just insists on sticking out. I’ll get a heel stuck in my hem, ripping it and having to tape the falling hem until I can get to a tailor. I’ll have that random piece of spinach from the salad that I just ate sticking in between my two front teeth.
But—in spite of it all, I like things to be uniform and organized in my home.
For what it’s also worth, I like my wardrobe to be uniform—in more ways than one.
Come on in—I’ll explain:
I suppose I could blame my parents for this. Or I could actually blame the nuns who adhered to our strict dress code while in school. But I won’t. I’m an adult with choices. I chose to stick to what I grew up wearing—UNIFORMS!
A blazer. A bright, crisply ironed, white shirt. A skirt. Shoes—either loafers or oxfords.
St. Patrick School. Long Island. We wore dark green blazers with an “SPS” emblem. (I didn’t have a dark green marker. Sorry!). We wore the standard white blouse with a Peter Pan collar. We girls also had a plaid beret that was absolutely adorable–but sometimes it was hard to keep on your head–depending how big your hair would get!
Our skirt was pleated. It was deep green and deep red–actually more of a burgundy with yellow threading making the plaid actually pretty nice! Yes. it WAS burgundy. Red is the color of the devil! The nuns did not allow us to wear red!
Accessories? No pierced earrings. Actually NO earrings. The only jewelry permissible was a thin gold chain with a crucifix or a Miraculous Medal of Mary.
THIS was fine jewelry!
No polished nails. No makeup. Hair ribbons but only to tie our hair back with.
Only white or green sock or tights were compliant with the dress code. One day a classmate showed up wearing red tights. RED, Satan’s, and my favorite color! The principal, Sr. Mary Isabel showed up, and booted her ass home to change into more appropriate tights or socks. From that day, I was petrified of going to the beach during the warmer weather. What if I got sunburned legs? Those red legs would set Sister Mary Isabel on a tangent that I wanted no part of!
“No sister, it isn’t the devil’s work. It’s the sun’s work. I’m burnt!” “But you’ll be thrilled to know that I am suffering for my vanity!”
My office attire was always a take on the uniformed look worn in school.
A blazer.
Behind my two fitted denim jackets hangs a collection of J. Crew Schoolboy blazers. And YES. I even have red!
A bright white shirt—could be a blouse or a white t-shirt. And naturally, a collection of J. Crew Tippi Sweaters!
Ya think I have enough white shirts? I also have about 15 white fitted tees!
My wild side shows up in the form of bright J. Crew Tippi Sweaters….
..and some that have yet to be worn!
A skirt—usually solid to match the blazer, or still—plaid. Pants—skinny, usually ankle length.
Shoes. As I’ve gotten older, I like my dress shoes slightly slutty. Pointy toed, a low vamp allowing for toe cleavage. I’m too prudish for boob-cleavage. I am also quite fond of a thin high heel.
My kinda dress and work shoes. Check out the toe cleavage…
I still love and have my Bass Weejuns. In addition, my love for the Repetto ballet flats knows no boundaries!
For the seasons in which I cannot frolic about barefoot, my casual shoe preferences are Weejuns and Repetto Ballet flats. When it gets REALLY cold–knee high boots!
While I’ve strayed from this zone of comfort, I still manage to return to “The Uniform Basics”
One of my favorite skirts. I got it from J. Crew on sale. I can pair it with a red Tippi Sweater and my red slutty shoes! Notice the faux pearls! It’s a nice simple look. Or..
I can take that same skirt and this time pair it with a black Tippi sweater and J. Crew black Dulci kitten heels for a more demure look. Notice the different faux pearls…or…
Yup! Same skirt and shoes. This time with a J. Crew Schoolboy blazer in black, a white fitted T from Old Navy AND a strand of tiny faux pearls. Notice a habit here with the various pearls. I like everything uniform!
Same black blazer, same shoes, same T shirt and same faux pearls. This time with a black pencil skirt. It looks kind of severe but the skirt is shorter. The shorter length actually looks a bit better than a longer skirt. Sometimes longer skirts can look a bit frumpy!
My “backup” navy J. Crew Schoolboy blazer. I haven’t even taken the paper off the buttons yet. I love my navy blazer so much that I ordered a backup when I saw it for fifty percent off!…I wear it all the time..
The navy blazer looks great with these black watch plaid ankle pants from J. Crew. The navy lacey shoes are Ivanka Trump…
I also have the same plaid in a pencil skirt–again, J. Crew.
Navy pencil skirt with a bright green Tippi sweater and yet, another different pair of faux pearls can also be worn as a make shift suit with the navy blazer..
I love navy and bright yellow! J. Crew Factory pencil skirt, the navy shoes and a navy Tippi sweater with faux pearl are another part of my uniform look!
This is my “Holiday/Christmas” uniform! A red (Santa red, not Satan red) flouncy skirt (Yeah–J. Crew. I got it for 29.00 on sale, beautifully heavy wool!), black Tippi Sweater and the black heels. I cannot believe I can still fit my fat gut into this. I must be dropping a bit of weight!!
LOL! Obligatory “fashion blogger” cute pose! I HAD to do that! Sorry!
I’ve got a ton of clothing hanging in my closet and folded neatly into drawers and shelves; I thought I would wear these items but I don’t. Alright– I’ve worn a few— maybe once or twice but never felt fully comfortable in them. Yet, I have this strange need to hold onto them!
A few years back I was on a Lilly Pulitzer tunic kick. I think I may have worn these tunics a total of twice each. I’m not kidding! They make me look pregnant! Why on earth would I continue to wear these tunics? WTF would I even think of holding on to them?
Is it because I grew up wearing Lilly? Is it because I think of my life in Lilly as one big pink and lime green cocktail party? I’m going to purge the tunics.
Those brightly colored tunics are now purged and thrown into a bag to be on the way to Goodwill!
I have a few sweaters that are somewhat short. They “cut” my body in half, making me look a bit stocky. I like my sweaters longer—especially since I have a pretty long torso. Time to purge the cropped and shorter length sweaters.
Listen. I may be “older” and a “woman of a certain age”, but truth be told. I like my skirts and dresses more toward the shorter side than the longer side. If the dress or skirt rides up too much when I sit down (Ladies, you know what I’m talking about) and my origin of the world is on display, then it’s time to purge!
Too-short sweaters, Lilly Pulitzer tunics AND dresses, and shorts like the Milly for Banana Republic. Nice stuff but I don’t wear it regularly. The dresses are just too short when I sit down–they ride all the way up my thighs. It’s not a pretty sight! Someone else can purchase it at the Goodwill. I feel so much better now that I did a purge!
I don’t want to be “On Trend”.
I don’t want anything I wear to “Pop”! God knows I’ve had buttons and snaps popping against my will for years.
I simply want to blend. I want to be comfortable. I just want to be in my uniform.
My uniform can be changed up with different scarfs, jewelry, shoes, boots and bags.
I can change up my uniform look with a scarf–I’ve got a shitload of ’em!
I’m set. It’s all good.
Go. Go get your uniforms ready people. Whether your uniform is similar to mine—or whether it isn’t! Wear your uniform and wear it well and with confidence.
You’re gaw-juhs!!! Keep being that way and don’t let anyone dictate to you what you should wear!
Well, since I rambled a bit about clothes–here’s David Bowie! “Fashion” Enjoy! XOXOXOXO!
On this bright Tuesday, I have to tell you this story. It’s about this incredible little hidden gem of a restaurant on the beach l’Aiguille in Theoule-Sur-Mer on the Cote d’Azur…
Take a good look at the beach. To the right is the little restaurant L Aiguille in all it’s rustic charm. Read on for the story…
So—as Atypical60 friends know, Bonaparte (I promised him I would not use his given name of Lartigue. Oops!) grew up in Paris and spent his summers in St. Tropez. While spending his summers in St. Trop, he was extremely familiar with the surrounding areas.
Since 2011, we’ve been renting an apartment in Theoule-sur-Mer. Theoule is a great coastal town on the outskirts of Cannes, and about twenty minutes away from Nice airport.
I never ever, ever take my visits to Theoule for granted. The visits are magical for me.
From the time we arrive to the time we return to Paris, the doors to the terrace are always opened…..
From the second I step onto our terrace overlooking the Mediterranean Sea, to the time we lock the front door and start the countdown to the next year, I am in a totally blissful frame of mind.
The view that we wake up to and enjoy many dinners!
I am also in Paradise. My arms usually have welts from all the pinching I do to myself—and not in a destructive way either. OK?
Honestly, I DO have to pinch myself because every day here is a great hair day! Hardly any humidity! THE perfect place to vacation!
Every summer brings a new adventure or a new discovery. This past June was no exception.
Through researching local places that we hadn’t yet been to, I came across a little beach and the little but hugely recommended restaurant. Both named “L’Aiguille.
During our daily travels and errand runs, we passed the busy part of town that houses the parking for the beach at L’Aiguille but never gave it much thought. Our routine is simply to drive to our favorite beachy “spot” in Cannes—we’ve been going to the same beach for years, spend time there then head back to the car and do our sightseeing.
When I discovered L’Aiguille and the restaurant, I mentioned it to Bonaparte. The conversation went something like this…
Me: “Hey, lookit this restaurant! It’s at the very tip of plages L’Aiguille. “Isn’t this that beach that’s near the bottom of the hill?” “The one by that stop light as we go into Cannes?”
Bonaparte:“Casseee. Whaaa ahr ou tikking abou? Zhat bitch eezz too crouw-eed” “Ou see zuh pip-oul togezzzehr crouw-eed lik leeuhl sardeenz ull zuh teem!”
(Translation: “Cathe. What are you talking about?” That beach is too crowded.” “You see the people together crowded like little sardines all the time!”
Me: (bringing him over to the computer screen). “No. Look! This beach is to the RIGHT of the crowded beach. “”It’s beyond that little parking lot”.”We REALLY need to go there”. “Let’s look for it”. “OK”?
Bonaparte: “Wee see”. “Wee see”…
Basically, “We see” means that I get my way.
What we didn’t realize was that the restaurant is way, way, way, at the far end of the beach.
It actually took two attempts to find it.
The first attempt was Bonaparte stopping at a large villa that he thought was the restaurant. He told me everything was boarded up and closed.
I didn’t believe him and made the second attempt.
What a way to start a search! The walk along the beach was so relaxing!
I walked along the beach—and immediately fell in love with the charm of the thin-as-a-needle beach itself. I passed by a snack bar. I passed by boats anchored in the bay.
With a vista like this, I almost didn’t want my search to end!
I passed by the crisp and clear view of the snow-capped Alps in the background.
I walked some more!
I passed this on the way! Could it have been a “lavoir” from days gone by?
I spotted an incredibly rustic little building. Not a shack. But not a fancy restaurant either. My interest and curiosity was now highly piqued!
I walked in. This, was, in fact the elusive Restaurant L’Aiguille! I found the buried treasure!
The interior was simple and no-nonsense. Tables were being set up outside the far end of the outside of the building on the beach! The tables inside the building were covered in lovely floral tablecloths. It was almost as though I was walking into the back porch of a summer home! It was inviting and warm!
A woman was inside setting up the tables. The greeting I received was friendly. I made an attempt at speaking my less-than-stellar French
Me: (In the best French accent I speak)”Bonjour Madame”. “Je voudrais une réservation pour le dîner. Pour deux personnes s’il vous plait”
Madame: “Quel jour”? “Quelle heure?”
Me: (smiling in my “special” way while pausing to think. Bonaparte and I had decided earlier on that Thursday would be a good day for dinner. I got my days mixed up….). “Um…Samedi”. “Um..(Figuring out that goddam military time…thinking—what’s 7:30 PM?) “Dix-neuf heures trente. S’il vous plait!!!!!”
This woman must’ve thought I was nuts because I was so excited that after about a pause of five-minutes I was able to figure out the time! I gave her Bonaparte’s last name. She pointed to “Table Cinq” (Table 5), which was next to an open air window that had a spectacular view of the beach, Cannes across the bay, and the Alps in the background. I “Merci’ed” profusely and, happy as a child, made my exit.
As soon as I stepped out of the restaurant, I spotted Bonaparte. He must have thought I got lost. I proudly told him I made the reservation for Samedi at dix-neuf heures trente. He calmly told me I made the reservation for Saturday instead of Thursday.
Back to the restaurant. This time with Bonaparte in tow to correct my error—and all was fine and dandy!
We ended up hanging at the beach at L’Aigulle the next day…
Early in the morning. The only noises were the sounds of water hitting the boats and the rocking of the boats on the water!
Bonaparte concentrating on the view. This is a rare photo. He’s usually laying on the towel sleeping while sunbathing!
My pedicured feet–moments before running into the water!
Thursday came and all I could think about was dinner. I could not wait to sit my big fat American ass and my big fat American appetite at that table by the beach!
Who knew that the best meal I would have in my life would have been in a rustic, non-assuming, non-pretentious, little family-owned gem of a restaurant on a little beach that was just down the road from the apartment we’ve been renting for five years???
Herve, one of the friendly and efficient wait staff of the best little restaurant on the Cote d’Azur!
The “roof” was the sky…and later on the stars shone down on us!
View from our table at the restaurant. It was so relaxing and calming!
Another wonderful view!
Isn’t this the perfect setting for a meal?
We were both blown away. I’m telling you—we both spent the remainder of our time in France talking about how great our dinner at Restaurant L’Aiguille was.
Bonaparte started off with the Rosquetta a la Valancienne. A tartine of sorts with a tomato confit, jambon, and a side salad of mesclun. This was incredible…
I started off with a salmon tartare and a mesclun salad. WOW! Nothing was left. Not one crumb!
Bonaparte ordered his favored “Entrecote and frites”, which by the way he raved about. He said the frites were the best he’s had! Trust me–he’s had a lot in his lifetime!
THE. BEST. DISH. I’VE. EVER. HAD. IN. MY. LIFE!!! Grilled Seiche a la plancha! This grilled Cuddlefish came with an aioli so freakin’ great that I could have frosted a cake with it! The parslied sauce was just as great! Honestly, looking at this brings tears to my eyes. I love this meal so much I want to send it a Valentine’s Day Card!
Oh–and we made room for dessert too! Bonaparte had this beautiful strawberry tarte!
I had an amazing vanilla panna cotta topped with a raspberry confiture and almonds. It just does not get better than this!
The evening sky through the sky roof!
View from the table as the sun was setting!
Where else can you enjoy a great dinner with this kind of view? An end to a great evening!
We also both decided that we would be back next summer—for repeat dinners. Yeah. DINNERS and lunches!
A couple of weeks later, back home and still dreaming of the return to the restaurant, I received a message on Facebook. Cedric, the proprietor was reaching out to patrons to sign a petition. The petition is to stop the restaurant from being demolished.
Apparently the restaurant is set to close due to the erosion of the beach and to protect the environment. But yet, an actual “snack” bar will be replacing the restaurant.
Aiguille has been in the same spot for 25 years. 14 people are employed there.
The news of the closing just struck a chord with me. Not wanting to bring this back to me..but…
I know what it is like to lose something that you work so hard at. Due to a divorce, I lost the house that I turned into a much-loved home. It is gut-wrenching to lose a home. It affects everyone in your family. (I’m lucky that I met Bonaparte just after this happened!)
I know fully-well, what it is like to lose a job. It sucks. The only difference is that the French government takes much better care of their unemployed than the American government takes care of our unemployed. I know this. I’m unemployed.
Anyway, it really made me sad and I signed the petition. Being very emotional about this news, I also wrote to “Nice-Matin”, a local newspaper covering the news and goings on throughout the Cote d’ Azur. I wrote about what was happening to the restaurant and very politely asked them if they could perhaps write a story.
Last night I received word that Nice-Matin was going to visit the restaurant.
I was so touched by this that it made me a bit misty-eyed. Bonaparte was incredibly touched as well, but also proud of my small effort to help!
It made me happy to know that I was able, in just a small way, to contribute to the plight of this lovely and wonderful restaurant.
What will the fate of Restaurant L’Aiguille be? I certainly hope a solution can be made to keep the restaurant in business—there are always ways to work out issues and it would be wonderful to once again, sit by the sea and repeat that best meal of my life! It will be even more wonderful to allow a family to save a livelihood that has given pleasure to so many people over the years. It will keep the staff employed.
Sometimes we need to try to help others. It doesn’t have to be a grand effort. We don’t need to send monetary donations. Sometimes it’s a gesture. Sometimes it’s just emotional support.
Let’s find some way to help others. Even if it is just in the smallest way. OK?
Adam, hair colorist and stylist extraordinaire, helped to make me look human today by doing my roots and giving my a great blow out. Thank you, Adam, for helping this old lady look a bit less old!
Here’s a song to “Help” put you in the mood! “Help”!!!! XOXOXOXOXO
This was the weekend that Oona moved from New York to Arkansas. Need I say more about my city weekend?
Friday evening, I wasn’t exactly the best dinner partner that Bonaparte could have. I spilled my spicy sushi sauce all over my plate—but it didn’t stop me from stuffing my gluttonous face dining on Wegman’s sushi. My hypochondria is starting. I have to make an appointment for my annual lady parts checkup so that will have me angst-ridden for a good month or two!
Spilling that spicy sauce didn’t stop me from wolfing down the sushi. Bonaparte gave a prayer of thanks that I didn’t spill the bottle of wine!
Then there was the reality that my daughter was leaving. I got no sleep. I didn’t even need my alarm that woke me up at 5 AM either! I was already awake.
Her flight was at two in the afternoon. But between traffic on the PA turnpike, the NJ turnpike and bridge traffic from the Verrazano and the Brooklyn, Queens Expressway, it was better to leave early!
We were on the road at 7:30 AM! Two hours later we arrived at the apartment.
Saturday morning on the BQE. I MISS New York so much!
The downtown skyline from Brooklyn Heights. There is NOTHING like the view of lower Manhattan from The Heights! When I lived in Brooklyn Heights I would walk down to the Promenade every night after work. The view has changed–no longer are the twin towers there, but the view is still magnificent!
Another view from Brooklyn. The Brooklyn Bridge!
A passing view of DUMBO. Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass. It’s getting a little update! Oh..and Bonaparte was driving so I didn’t disobey the rules of the road!
Oona was moving out and later on in the afternoon, my nephew, Michael was replacing her as Roman’s new roommate. It’s nice to know that the two cousins will be sharing living space!
My son Roman is happy because he got an instant roommate. His cousin Michael. Michael is happy because he doesn’t have that long commute from Long Island into Midtown Manhattan anymore! It’s all good!
Anyway, Oona had quite the bit of clothing to take with her. In fact, I gave her one of my suitcases—why should she spend money on another suitcase when she can have mine. Right? Besides, I was sure she had most of her stuff packed.
Or not.
When we arrived she was still doing laundry. She still had “lots-o-packin'” to do. She was stressed and anxious. I was in the same frame of mind but held it in and helped her pack and purge.
Bonaparte sat on the sofa and ignored us while he watched TV.
Actually, the purging was a good thing. I ended up with some body scrub that Oona never used!
Stuff that mommy gets for free! I’m having a Paupered Princess moment.
She also “found” a CVS bag filled with Neutrogena skin product that she forgot about. I took it home with us and told her that she won’t have to worry about traveling home with more stuff when she comes back to visit.
More stuff to take home! How can you “lose” this in your closet? I have no comment!
Another “find”—a beautifully packaged gift from Roman. He forgot to bring it to me. About a year ago.
A Maille horseradish mustard! It also came with the cutest little mustard spoon! I love surprises! CAVEAT!! I’ve just been informed by my son that this gift is only four months old at best–it was either for my birthday or mother’s day! Either way–it’s all great!
Actually, she was in good shape for the move. The apartment borders Astoria and Long Island City in Queens. It is, literally six minutes from La Guardia airport! Ten minutes in traffic!
The beauty of LaGuardia airport is the people who work there. We were able to park the car at the terminal’s curb while Oona checked her luggage and herself in. The man who was assisting her weighed her really heavy luggage and explained that the charge would be an additional $400.00. He also explained to her that if she flew first class, she would have three of her four pieces of luggage checked in for free. He asked her if he wanted to try to get her upgraded. Saving her company money, she agreed. I stayed with the luggage. Bonaparte stayed with the car.
Entering LaGuardia to drop my baby off for a new and exciting adventure!
She got the upgrade. Now if you are familiar with the way New Yorkers operate, you know that we love to tip. Honest to god. We could have our last twenty bucks in our pockets and if someone helps us, we will hand it over!
I handed him my last twenty bucks and thanked him for taking care of my baby! I’m telling you, those guys who work at LAG are hustlers—and not in a bad way either! They take care of people in a quick and efficient way. I’ll get back to this guy in a minute.
So I went into the terminal with Oona and the guy who helped her. We checked her luggage in and he went back outside.
Oona was really happy to be embarking on a new adventure! She was moving from New York, but moving on for a better career move.
After a week of “good bye” partying, my daughter was actually smiling because she was going to finally get a few hours of sleep..or was she smiling because I can only do some long-distance nagging!
We had a very teary moment—and when I hugged her, it brought me back to the bear hugs I used to give her as a toddler. Only this time it was a hug that I didn’t want to end!
She left. I left the terminal. The guy who assisted came running up to me. He grabbed me and took me back into the terminal. He had Oona’s driver’s license. She forgot to get it back when she upgraded.
At this point, I didn’t even pause to think. I just yelled at the top of my lungs—and effortlessly, I might add.
“OONA!!!” “OONA!!!!!!”
The entire terminal stopped to gape at me. The guy who helped suggested I call her on my phone.
Next thing I know, Oona came running from around the corner. She explained that she was on her way to the gate and she heard my loud mouth voice yelling her name. She also said she couldn’t believe how far my big mouth voice carried! We handed her license back to her.
The entire terminal applauded! The guy who assisted was impressed! I got to see my baby for one more fleeting moment!
It’s all good now!
We drove back to the apartment to pick up the rest of Oona’s stuff. We’ll be sending it to her when the weather gets cooler!
All her shit stuff is now in our garage…
Oona is lucky that I have bigger feet than she does. Those cowboy boots are mighty cute!
How could she leave Longchamp and Coach behind?
Like mommy, she has a log of scarves. Like mommy, Oona also has a penchant for plaid!
…and entire hamper-full of Irish Dance t-shirts, Delta Gamma t-shirts, and other t-shirts of her life. I will have to have a quilt made–it’ll be less expensive than sending the hamper to her!
Hopefully global warming will allow for the outerwear to be sent to her much, much later!
Oh. I have to tell you. One thing I love to do is take the cheapest routes back from New York. I cannot stand paying tolls. So—instead of taking the BQE back to the Verrazano and spending the EZ-pass amount of $11.08 (cash is $16.00), or taking the Triborough Bridge and paying $5.54 with the EZ-Pass (Cash $8.00). We took the 59th Street (Queensboro) Bridge into Manhattan, drove across town to the Lincoln tunnel and saved $16.62! Quite the savings, huh?
Seriously—if you are thinking of going into Manhattan any time soon and are driving, shoot me an e-mail. I’ll give you the easiest and cheapest driving routes! I’m obsessed!
We left the beauty of the elevated subway and Queens on the cheap….
Taking the 59th Street Bridge aka. Queensboro Bridge saves money–and gives a great view of the City!
Just into Manhattan. Call me crazy but I miss NYC apartment living!
Bonaparte never realized there was a tram going over to Roosevelt Island! And he used to live about three blocks away from this!
Our quick ride through Manhattan gave me the chance to snap this pic near the Plaza
…and to deal with city traffic, once again! Trust me, THIS is the cheapest way to get home!
I’ll tell ya, by the time we got home, I was emotionally exhausted. I made sure I tracked Oona’s flight until she landed—as I’m sure any obsessed mother would do!
Dinner had a very quiet and sullen me. Bonaparte has the patience of a saint.
Sunday morning had me not wanting to leave the house. I’m getting “funny” that way. Bonaparte insisted I get dressed so that we could visit the Philadelphia Museum of Art. The museum is hosting an exhibit of Impressionist paintings: “Discovering the Impressionists.”
I swear, this was one of the BEST exhibits I’ve ever seen–and I’ve seen many in other museums!
So we decided to get to the museum when it opened at 10AM—which ended up being a smart idea. The cost to enter the exhibit was $25.00 per person. I balked, and then mentioned to Bonaparte that it may be more cost-effective to become members of the museum.
It was a perfect day to spend some time at the museum and to drive around Philly!
We are now members of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It’ll be a great value because it’ll give us something to do on the weekends during the winter and on rainy weekends in the summer. Parking is discounted and the benefits are great. Discounts in the museum shops and restaurants. Free tickets for other exhibits. And we don’t have to wait on the lines!
I was shocked at the line to enter the museum….
…this was the line at NOON!!! I cannot imagine how much longer it got. I’m happy we arrived when the museum opened!
Actually, it was a good thing that Bonaparte got the membership for us. He’s getting tired of my bitching about how much I can’t stand Philadelphia and how New York City is so much better!
Bye-bye for today! We’ll be back regularly!
I am starting a new relationship with the City of Philadelphia!
The view of the boat houses from across the Schuylkill river IS pretty!
The Schuylkill Highway is also pretty when there’s no traffic. Look at the side going INTO Philly! Know you know why I’m glad we went into the city early!
It may not be New York, but I’m feelin’ mighty groovy about discovering the City of Brotherly Love!
It’s not New York, but I’m learning to appreciate what Philly has to offer. Look in the background–it looks like a mini Chrysler Building!
Speaking of “Feelin’ Groovy”—here’s the 59th Street Song! Remember this? XOXOXOXO
Happy Monday all! I have to tell you, I’m so happy and excited. Today, much like Billy Madison, I’m going “Back to School”. But—it’s school to help me fine-tune my blogging skills—or rather to acquire blogging skills. The Blog-god has answered my prayers.
I look up to the Blog-god for answers and help. BTW. Like my eyelashes? It’s Tarte’s “Lights, Camera, Lashes” mascara. Bonaparte thought they were falsies! I had to pull on them to prove to my Frenchman that they were, in fact, real!
WordPress is my mentor!
Trust me, I’ll still be the same, imperfect, hot mess me—but I’ll just be better at it.
Anyway, I’ll be sharing my writing assignments with you as posts. So…just as my crossed-eyes see double. There may be days when you will be seeing double posts!
Check it out. I’m cross-eyed as a bat. But the beauty is, I get to see double of the great things around me. Bad thing is that I get to see double of the not-so-great things around me–like the fact I didn’t remove all my eye makeup from yesterday!
It’s all good! No. It’s all GREAT!!!
OK—I’m no longer that girl in school. The one who wrote her stuff bent over her desk, head to the paper so nobody else could see what I was writing. Yeah. You know what I’m talkin’ about!
No longer am I the one who will click her tongue at anyone who I think would be trying to cheat off of me. (Actually, I was, at times the one glancing at others’ papers!).
Come on in. Open that black and white composition book of mine!
Come on in. Open up my composition book for the next few days. It’s OK. I won’t tell Sister Mary Arthur!
Grab a cuppa cawfee, or tea for that matter, and read some more about me in my first assignment!
Name: Cathe Date: August 3, 2015
Subject: About Me
Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
I am blogging publicly because I want to share all the stuff that my 60-year old self has to offer. Not all of us are perfect. Hey—most of us aren’t perfect. I have days when I feel life is so wonderful and want to share life’s greatness with others. I also have days when I feel like wanting to crawl into my bed and hibernate for a good six months (and not because it’s the only way I’ll stop my emotional binge-eating and drop those unwanted twenty pounds). Point is–we are all relatable. I want to relate!
It’s also important to have a good laugh every day. A tiny dose of humor can make the dullest or most pitiful day just a little…..bit…brighter. I try to find one thing to laugh about each day. Mostly something about my misgivings to make me laugh. I just want to share that with others!
Why be selfish and keep that stuff to myself?
The only “journals” I keep are my travel journals–but I don’t keep my travels to myself either! It’s all out there!
What topics do you think you’ll write about?
OMG. I have written about any and every aspect of my life as I know it. From my hair loss issue to my filthy car. From my unemployment to my helicopter mom days. I write about what life is like for a crude slob like me who happens to have a better half who is a refined Frenchman. My travels, my clothing, my music. Whatever strikes my fancy for the day is basically what I’ll write about. There is no subject off limits to me—but I’ll write honestly and with a sense of humor and humanity.
Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
It’s funny. But I wanted to blog for a long time. I had this “vision” that my blog would be solely geared to women, and even men, over a “certain” age. You know, people like me—cows who have been put out to pasture. I wanted to concentrate on ageism and how to dress when you get older…blah, blah, blah.
Then I wrote my first post in January—as soon as I lost my job (catching a trend here?). My writing kind of evolved where I just wanted to write to everybody!!! Not just older people. We can all relate to job loss, sadness, happiness, music, fashion, recipes and just about everything. So I would just love to connect with anyone who is out there and feeling a bit intimidated by the perfectionists of this world. We all don’t wake up looking beautiful.
Sometimes we are that person whose shirt tails are sticking out—or who left the house with two different shoes. Ya know?
What you see is what you’ll get. I’m NOT that perfect blogger. I’m not that beautifully made up woman. I’m just normal..and I love it that way. I wake up looking like this. And worse!
If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?
There are different measures of success. For me, I’ve been successful already because I have a small group of readers who follow my blog. I consider them more like my friends rather than “followers” per se. The people who have entered into my life via my blog have given me success because they want to hang with me. They actually enjoy reading about the things I write about.
I’m successful because I’ve been able to make my circle of Atypical60-ers share the emotions I write about! I’ve accomplished that!
Hopefully, the more I blog, the more people will discover my blog and my circle of friends will grow.
I am grateful and happy for my friends who regularly read my blog—they have helped me to feel successful!
I’m looking a bit more human here. I would like to introduce myself to you now!
And…with that, do you really think I would end a post without a little song? Un uh! My homme, Jacques Dutronc with the most appropriate “Et moi, Et moi, Et moi”! XOXOXOXO!
Late last night—or maybe it was early morning—while in my deep slumber, I had a dream vision. Maybe this vision transpired on account of something my dear Bonaparte said to me earlier in the evening. He caught a glimpse of me sprawled out on the sofa, like the royalty I am.
I was binging,emotional eating, slovenly gobbling down, enjoying a “light” snack of non-fat vanilla yoghurt in which almonds and chocolate chips were blended. Oh. This concoction was also drizzled with my home-made chocolate syrup.
My phone and tablet were placed on the sofa next to me, and I was watching an episode of “Dance Moms”. (Hey. Don’t judge. I was a dance mom!)
Bonaparte looked at me as only a Frenchman can look at an American eating oversized portions. He stated:
“Cat-rreeeen” (when he calls me by my given name, I know there could be a battle about to begin). “Ahhh sought ou whhhhaaaar on ee dee-it?” “Whaaa ahr ou it-eeeng zhat sheet”? “Oh Merde…..”
Translation: “Catherine. I thought you were on a diet?” “Why are you eating that shit?” “Oh shit…followed by French language mumbling I could not understand.
Me: (lips trembling and my eyes tearing up because I’m so ashamed of myself) “Yeah, but I’m eating non-fat yoghurt.” “Besides. I’m a bit….well, I’m a bit depressed.” “Oona leaves in two days”. “I have no job”…..”Adam had an emergency and had to change my hair appointment to next Tuesday instead of this Friday”….
Bonaparte: “Ou nid to networkkkkkkk” “Ou nid to get aw of zuh ‘ouse”.
Translation: “You need to network. You need to get out of the house”
Me: “I can’t network till I lose 25 pounds weight”.
After an evening of “Dance Moms” and watching a pampered, spoiled American housewife bitching about the real estate offerings not being up to her oversized American standards on “House Hunters International”, I was more than ready to escape reality and enter into my land of dreams!
As I slept, a vision came to me. Kim Kardashian, Gwyneth Paltrow, Blake Lively and Martha Stewart were at a table. They were discussing their “Brands”. They were discussing their “lifestyle” websites and how they were making life just a bit better for so many women.
They all laughed. Well, Martha was just plain pissed off because I think she felt that I was intruding on all her DIY stuff. What Martha didn’t realize is that she has people to carry out her little projects! While—I’ll even bet she doesn’t even clean her own home even though she does give stellar cleaning advice!
Kim Kardashian brushed me off by announcing that she was just about to introduce her new lifestyle and selfie website—and it was going to be even bigger and better than her ass! (No, not Kanye. Her other ass. The one she stuffs into her jeans!)
Blake Lively and Gwyneth—well, they just laughed so hard and loud at me that they both picked up their “purge” pails and threw up! They explained that maybe I would want to purchase one of these special pails for only $395.00 because it would be beneficial to my health and help “rid” my body of the toxins that I apparently put into my mouth on an hourly basis!
Martha with Blake Lively. They are neighbors and besties! We know why–Martha keeps her friends close and her “frenemies” even closer! We know who wears the pants in THIS friendship!
Martha –this time with Gwyneth. I thought they were feuding? They must have made up in the name of helping women to be their best, anti-toxined and perfect selves!
Oh come ON Martha. This is getting ridiculous! Now you are with Kim??? What next? Are you going to become MY bestie?
Can you imagine? Martha Stewart posing with ME? The Paupered Princess!! Do you like my crown??
I pointed to Martha and mentioned her cleaning methods. They were just sooo complex!
Not only are these Martha’s cleaning supplies, but on her site, she shows how to CLEAN the cleaning supplies. You really need to click on the link I provided!
Really Martha? WTF? I can overlook the spotless white shirt and pale blue apron. But the smile? Who the hell SMILES when they clean their stove?
Yeah Martha, at the end of my cleaning day I don’t caress the front door. My clothes aren’t even that clean. I guess you are just opening the front door to let your cleaning team leave for the day!
I explained how toilet paper is a great multi-tasker! Why run downstairs to the garage or to the kitchen to get cleaning supplies when I can grab a couple of sheets of toilet paper?
Toilet Paper. It wipes off more than you could ever imagine!
With the TP, I can dust the bannisters. If the dust is sticking a bit, I can use my spit instead of wasting water. Those water bills can add up! My tip: Just make sure you haven’t used the TP before dusting!
That’s right! Toilet paper can help a lazy woman with the dusting….
…why, just LOOK at that dust!!! The little groves in the paper help to capture that grime!
The presentation in my vision did not stop there.
I compared!
Blake has a pillow for $136.00 on her Preserve site!
$136.00 for a pillow showcasing a bug! A bug!!!! How can you decorate with that? Put in in the garden?
I have two old and worn pillows from my “nautical” phase….
I repurposed them by turning them around so the back side would be on display. I paid about $20.00 for both pillows. I just saved women $116.00!
I also brought to Blake’s attention that she has jeans which retail for $495.00 on her site!
What average woman can afford to spend $495.00 on jeans? Especially jeans that look like a house painter worked in them!
Look! I have GAP Resolution True Skinny High Rise Jeans that I got on sale for LESS than fifty dollars!
These incredible jeans not only hold my sagging gut in, but they make my muffin top all but disappear! They are magic! I just saved the women of the world a little bit over $445.00!
Honestly, I don’t know what kinds of friends Blake and Ryan have that they feel the need to tell people to get one of these roll up bartender kits. I’m sure they think it’s a steal at $84.00
And don’t tell me it’s good for a picnic. I call BS. Most women I know are such lushes they keep a corkscrew in their car or in in their purses. I can go organic with the cocktails. Use your fingers as a strainer, use a finger as a stirrer and if you want to shake, just dance whilst mixing the drink. I just saved a load of money for you ladies!
Gwen is trying to tell us how to “Dress Like a French Girl”…
Hey Gwen. When was the last time you were in France? Where’s the Repetto Ballet Flats? Where’s the Rondini sandals? I don’t see any Nat & Nin bags!!! French women don’t dress in those items you posted. You have white cutoff shorts for $225.00!!! AND expensive T-shirts!
There is something seriously sick in the head if you pay $225.00 for a pair of cutoff shorts!
I got MY white cutoff shorts from J. Crew Factory a couple of years ago–making them even MORE vintage! I think I paid about $25.00 on sale. They are also “Miracle” shorts. Not only is it a miracle that I still fit into them, but these shorts are also a miraculous diet device. They are so tight that you cannot eat in them! Oh..and I paired this with my $4.00 Old Navy Fitted Tee! I just saved $196.00!
Who doesn’t love a cuppa tea? Growing up in an Irish household tea was the beverage of choice. Gwyneth lived in London so she likes a good cuppa as well! She even sells this pricey kettle on the Goop site!
A Tea Kettle for $165.00! That must surely be some special tea!
Here’s MY special kettle. It’s been in the family for years! My mother probably paid $2.99 for it YEARS ago. Now it’s priceless! Wow! It’s a savings of $162.01! I think I’m getting out of the poor house!
Geez. I had NO idea Paltrow and I were so much alike. Dressing like a Frenchie. Our love of tea and kettles. She also loves Orange Blossom! Look at this candle–and it’s only $68.00. $68.00 to burn the house down if you aren’t paying attention!
I can bet this doesn’t even smell as good as ……
…my INEXPENSIVE Orange Blossom toiletries that I got in France–at the grocery store!!! I paid around $8.00 for all this stuff–Man oh man! I saved Sixty Bucks!
Gwyneth Paltrow, though, is , like me, a giver. She has “gently worn” items that are being sold to charity. (I don’t know which charity the money is going to).
Stella McCartney’s “gently worn” sneakers for only $545.00. Geez–you would think that the daughter of Sir Paul would have more classic taste!
My “Paupered Princess” gently worn (I tried it on. Once), J. Crew skirt. I got too fat. I’ll just bring it to Goodwill where they can sell it to a woman who cannot afford those $545.00 sneakers. It’ll sell for about $3.00–which makes me happy!
Going back to the kitchen, Goop also advertises this Spiralizer at the bargain price of $65.00.
Trust me, this isn’t even worth $35.00. I purchased it a long time ago for less money and it was a pain in the ass to use…Instead..
Invest $14.99 on Veggetti. It does the same thing only better! I was lucky to get mine on sale for $10.99
Even better is this “Ribbon” vegetable peeler. Eight bucks and look how pretty that zucchini is! I’ll toss it into my salad tonight! What’s the savings? $55.00?
Unfortunately, my favorite, Kim Kardashian of the perfect makeup, hasn’t released her new site yet! I’m bummed! But I DID give her some jeans advice!
I told Kim that she needed to wear clothing on her new website. I told her that Kanye could save money if he purchased her jeans on sale. I got these at Loft for $9.99 last year and I LOVE them!
Kim accused me of Kardashian Selfie Kopying when I showed her shot of my ass in my Loft $9.99 jeans. I explained that Kopying is a form of fattery flattery!
Needless to say, in my vision, none of these bitches really “supportive” women were happy with my ideas. So, I would like to share with you, some of my additional “Paupered Princess” “Lyfestile” (do you like my ultra cool spelling of lifestyle?) ideas!
A DIY In-house “storage facility”. Hey, what princess doesn’t have her own storage facility. Right? This is actually a small room downstairs that has been fitted with plumbing. Eventually–i.e. when I get a “job”, this will be turned into another guest bathroom. In the meantime, it’s been dramatically transformed into my private “storage facility” storing all sorts of shit that hasn’t been unpacked since our move a year ago!
Flowers and plants always brighten up the place! Presently, Bonaparte has placed me on a “no-buy”. That means Home Goods and estate sales are off limits for now. How can I decorate, you ask? Plants and flowers! Bonaparte buys the flowers at Costco. Costco has great flowers and they last for a long time. I maintain their freshness with regular water changes and I clip the stems!
Costco flowers. Over a week old and still looking good. Bonaparte paid about $14.00 for them.
Here’s some Costco flowers from A MONTH ago that were repurposed. Time to repurpose them into the trash!
These lovely flowers were a thank-you gift from Jakes “girl” (shhhh–if you look closely at the card you can see her name. But you didn’t hear it from ME!). They cost me nothing but they are priceless!
This plant was just about dead but we decided to move it downstairs. Now it’s thriving. It’s “Born Again”!
Two ten dollar plants we got in the early spring. See what I mean? Such a cheap way to decorate!
Dried Hydrangea. One of Bonaparte’s clients clipped them from her garden last year. I dried them and preserved them with hairspray! Aren’t they pretty? Bonaparte wants me to get rid of them–but I can’t. Am I having a “hoard” on?
Now for more decorating ideas from this “Paupered Princess”!
Just like those spoiled housewives on “House Hunters” who complain about EVERYTHING, I complained about carpet in the dining room. I have an aversion to eating a meal on carpeting. It’s filthy and disgusting. I won out and we had the carpeting in the dining room replaced with hardwood. The wood matched the hardwood in the kitchen. We didn’t pay much either and the end result was worth its weight in gold and no bitchiness!
Every lifestyle site needs an artsy photo with soft lighting and a dog! My Lyfestile photo has my Chippy wishing I would leave him alone. It also has a table, covered in burlap. I got the table when the assistant to our super in our NYC apartment died. I got it for free! I got the chairs in the garbage and cleaned them up! The market basket was about 8 euros in a small store in Chatres, France. I’m very much the Paupered Princess. Am I not?
Screw those other lifestyle sites that show off items nobody but the one percent can afford. THIS is how you decorate a family room: Ikea Ektorp sofa and chair. Rug from Home Goods that I paid $39.99 for. Cawfee table from Mealey’s furniture. I think it was about $250.00. The baskets are cheap ones from Home Goods. Lamp from Bed, Bath and Beyond. Lamp table from Home Goods and Book cases from Vintage Home. The artwork on the wall is a painting that Bonaparte’s dad did! Very inexpensive room to decorate!
Another work of art by Bonaparte’s dad. I LOVE it because his dad adores fat-ass women! I think that’s why his dad likes me so much!
Household tips!
Did you know that lemons are multitaskers?
Lemons are so incredibly versatile. Did you know that you can use them to clean your sink and to cut grease? I hope Martha does not steal this bit of knowledge. After I use a lemon, I don’t throw it out. I’ll clean the sink of grease with it, then I’ll put it into the disposal. The lemon keeps the disposal from stinking up!
Take good care of your house guests:
I haven’t had a period in ten years–but I know that Oona and her friends always seem to be crampy when they visit! ALWAYS keep a supply on hand. Besides, Tampons are great to help stop nosebleeds!
And finally, fashion with the Princess!
Hey. Who wouldn’t want to come home to THIS hot mess! Bra strap and all….
OK–that’s a classier pose. How about THIS lounging outfit? “Goop” and “Preserve” would NEVER show you THIS ensemble!! Pants from Gap outlet. They were 70 percent off $13.99. Got ’em for $4.20! The print is great because I can eat dinner in them and if I spill food, you can’t tell! Another magic item! I paired this with a Uniqlo sleeveless tee that I got for maybe five bucks and the sandals are from YEARS ago. Calvin Klein but I got them at Marshall’s dirt cheap! Oh..and the earrings were a buck from Walmart!
I’m a fashionable “Muthabucker”! I never pay full price!
So to all the Blakes. And to the Gwyneths. And to my precious Kim. And to my intimidating Martha—you have beautiful sites (Ok-Kim, we’re STILL waiting for yours!).
You are beautiful people who are lucky enough to afford stuff that is so “out-of’reach” for the vast majority. We all know that. So why not bring your lifestyles down a bit? Maybe take a lesson from MY “Lyfestile”.
Be a “hot mess” instead of a “god-ess”! It’s more fun!
We may not be Blakes or Gwyneths or Marthas or Kims. But we are all Beautiful People!
Here’s “Beautiful People” by Melanie. It’s a beautiful song!
You know how one thing leads to another? Well, when I wrote yesterday’s post about my “unconventional” mothering ways, I started to think about all the music I used to play in the house when the kids were growing up, which leads me to the subject of music….
I love music. I adore my cd collections. My ex-husband inherited all our vinyl and that’s ok because I have most of the stuff on CD anyway—and some on my IPhone.
Thinking back, I am well-aware that my love for music came from my parents. Growing up, they had quite the album collection. In addition, my stay-at-home mother always had the radio on AND would ALWAYS watch Dick Clark’s American Bandstand.
Dick Clark was a very popular guy in our house when I was very young!
If it were not for Dick Clark and my mother, I would have never learned how to dance “The Stroll” (I’m giving my age away) or any of the many dances that were in fashion during the early 1960’s. I must’ve been about five years old when my mother would grab me, place my body across from hers, and we would rhythmically “stroll” the width of the living room; just stopping short of the small black and white TV. Then we would both run up to the sofa and continue our “stroll” back up the beautifully waxed hardwood living room floor while never missing the beat!
The Stroll. Take a look at the couple in the middle. The couple would “stroll” down the aisle to the beat and when they reached the end, the top couple would stroll down. I LOVED doing this with my mother–mostly because it was one of the few times I wasn’t getting in some sort of trouble with her!
As I entered the pre-teen years and acquired a transistor radio, I traveled from “American” Bandstand to the “British Invasion”. My first crush was Ray Davies of the “Kinks”. Followed by Herman’s Hermits’ Peter Noone! The Beatles’ crushes changed on a weekly basis.
The Beatles and The Kinks. Kinks were and still are my number one. I’ve never been a Stones fan–and never liked The Who until I became pregnant. It was the weirdest thing. I actually CRAVED The Who the way other pregnant women crave pickles and pizza! I would listen to “Tommy” and “Who’s Next” all day!
…and that cute little Peter Noone, aka “Herman”. He still looks good…but..
..not as good as my one true love, Ray Davies!
Into my early teens, and throughout the remainder of my teen years, the transistor radio was replaced with “FM” radio. Those songs of pre-teen innocence gone. Woodstock and the Hippie generation brought a new musical age of enlightenment with Jimi Hendrix, Jefferson Airplane, The Doors, and The Mamas and The Papas. I traded my “British Musical Miles” in for a return trip to America—only THIS time it was to the Haight-Ashbury, San Francisco love fest!
This-quite possibly one of the greatest Albums/CD’s of all time! I can pop this in to the player and still manage to sing all the words to all the songs! Helplessy Hoping that my memory serves me right–huh?
CCR! MY favorite song is the not-too-popular “Hey Tonight”. I play it over and over and over and over………
..and there is the beautiful and iconic California Hip/chic Joni Mitchell. Her songs will always remind me of one of my childhood friends who passed away a few years ago.
While too young to rebel against “The Establishment”, and too afraid of my parents to start dressing like a hippie rather than a plaid-skirted, knee-socked, Bass Weejun proper schoolgirl, music gave me the opportunity to enter that rebel world without leaving my room!
A babysitting job when I was 14 years old got me hooked on Classical music. Yeah. I babysat for a couple who had gotten married when they were “older”. She was an ex-nun and he was an ex-priest. They had two daughters and no TV. The job was so boring without a TV, and they didn’t have any junk food, but they paid so well! Anyway, they DID have a stereo. And lurking through their vast collection, I noticed they had nothing but classical music. Trust me, up until that babysitting job the only knowledge of classical music that I had was that it was used in many soundtracks for cartoons!
Completely bored but intrigued, I took one of the albums from the collection and listened to it. It was actually a “Readers Digest Light Classical Collection” that contained a few albums. The music was beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that I actually looked forward to returning to their home to sit the girls. Listening to the music took me away from the chaotic house of four other siblings that shared our hectic household lifestyle. I was in a state of relaxation.
This was my proper introduction to the world of classical music. I honestly wish I had this collection right now!
I grew to love that collection so much that I would take it out of our local library on a regular basis and lock myself in my room listening to the soothing orchestrations while I read or did homework.
Also by this time in my life, I went through two more music “crushes”— Cat Stevens and Jimi Hendrix! Two beautiful male specimens to fantasize about while listening to the Classics!
He may not be well-liked and under appreciated these days due to his change to the Islamic world but his music has always remained poetic and ethereal and I’ll always love it! “Wild World” will always remind me of a high school crush who ended up going out with one of my best friends! Wild!
Too bad he doesn’t look like THIS anymore! Right?
Jimi. I had such a crush on him that I delusionally believed I could have saved him. No. I wasn’t taking LSD either. My dad was a police officer! BTW, Number 3 “Hey Joe” was the best slow dance song of all time! I had my then-not-so-fat-ass grabbed a few times while dancing to that song!
He personified hippie chic! If you get the chance, watch “Hear My Train A Comin'” It’s a great documentary. Hey. Bonaparte liked it–and he HATES rock music!!!!
Yes. Now heavily into my teenaged years of angst, discovery and awkwardness not only was I enthralled with Cat and Jimi, but I was also a big fan of Led Zeppelin—probably because Robert Plant’s hair was more beautiful than mine. It just wasn’t fair that a man could have beautiful curly hair like that and I had a mass of frizz!
Not only was I jealous of his hair, but Plant’s voice was so loud he didn’t need a mike. Imagine. He was louder than I am!
I spent my baby sitting money on albums. I loved the cover art. I loved the feel of the vinyl. I loved reading the credits. The albums were my tangible links between me and the musicians who understood what I was going through at any given time!
Ok..so I’m overloading on Jimi today. But I dare anyone to argue that this isn’t GREAT and AWESOME and completely hippified beautiful album cover art!
A few years later “Disco” music became my guilty pleasure. Being too cool to actually admit I loved the happy harmonies and beats to “Abba” and “K.C. and the Sunshine Band”, I would sneak into my room, like a “bad girl” sneaking behind a garage for a cigarette, and let the music take me away to the dance club in my mind!
Another album/cd that I can totally sing along to in my car. At “11”! Yeah. Loud and off key baby!
I was a bit too “preppy” to get into that whole Disco scene in reality, but in my mind, I loved the “Nightlife” more than Alicia Bridges did!
My early and mid- twenties were spent in a mélange of various musical artists. Concerts at the old Academy of Music in New York City; seeing XTC, Joan Jett, The Pretenders, The Psychedelic Furs and others brought a bit of rebel back to me. The days of parties and no responsibility. Whenever I hear a song by one of those artists or groups, I am in NYC in a bar or a party having a completely wild time. It’s kind of channeling the movie “Trainwreck”!
In my late twenties—actually, I was 27 and newly pregnant with Jake, MTV was created. It was amazing! Parties we attended would be hushed and quieted just to watch a video by that new singer Madonna or Adam Ant. I think those music videos were the beginning of the end—conversations were stalled in order to turn our heads to a TV and watching music rather than listening to it was the new normal!
Adam Ant! My favorite Ant song is “Puss ‘n Boots’. It’s so naughty!
Throughout the years, I never stopped listening. When the kids were young, I really didn’t have a lot of that “Rafi” stuff. Why listen to “Baby Beluga” when I could have them listen to the lullaby sounds of Cat Stevens’ “Moonshadow”?
The only “kiddie” music the kids listened to was Sharon, Lois and Bram. I LOVED the fact they sang old school standards. It was like being a kid again and listening to some of the music my parents danced to—like Big Band stuff. Besides, Sharon, Lois and Bram didn’t sing “down” to kids. The three musicians showed a respect for both the music AND children. Ugh. I can’t stand those dopey songs that pander down and patronize kids.
Sharon, Lois and Bram and their Elephant Show will always bring back wonderful memories of Jake as a very young preschooler. I even took him to one of their concerts in NYC when Jake was about three years old. We had a blast. Lois, RIP! You are missed! I thank you for treating children with respect and not being condescending!
Throughout my thirties and into my forties, albums were slowly replaced with CD’s. A new wave of groups and musicians was coming into focus and as the kids were getting older, the variety included the great and melodic Matthew Sweet, The Cranberries, and Arrested Development (I loved them. Where are they now?), and, thanks to my sons, Beck!
Matthew Sweet was and still remains a favorite of all three of my kids and me! “Girlfriend” will always bring back memories of living in Pennington, NJ and going to Little League base ball games. Isn’t if funny how certain songs will trigger exact memories?? I love that so much!
Look! Multi-generational music! When I need to get my funk on, James Brown, Rev. Al Green, Wilson Pickett and Sly Stone get me in the mood. The Byrds offer that laid back California hippie vibe. US3’s Cantaloop and the Cranberries remind me of fun with the kids as they were starting to grow up!
Oona kept the pop going with Spice Girls, Hansen, and her little boy band CDs! To this day, (Oh God. I cannot believe I’m actually admitting this!)S-Club 7 is one of my favorite CD’s because it reminds me of all the car trips the two of us took up to her dance classes and competitions!
I swear to god, I was listening to this S Club 7 CD after Oona and I spent our last weekend together before her move! This CD is a memory bank for me!
Does anyone remember B*Witched? The Irish girl group from the late 90’s? This was in Oona’s little CD case. YUP! I still have her case of boy band and girly CD’s! I cannot bring myself to get rid of them.
An old clunker car that we had while living in Manhattan gave me a new lease on “Standards” by the way! An old stinky gray Dodge Aspen. It was a piece of shit, but got me around the City. The radio only received AM stations. My dial was permanently set to 11.30 WNEW AM.
My shitty Aspen which smelled like fish when the windshield wipers were on, had a crappy AM radio similar to this. I’m thankful I could get that one station. We would drive around Manhattan singing standards!
I not only received a new musical lease on life with these great old songs that my parents and aunts and uncles loved, but my kids learned to appreciate these wonderful melodies too!
WNEW AM Loved Bobby Darin as much as I did. His music had a heavy rotation on that station…
..so did this other king of cool. Tom Jones. HIS music reminds me of summers at my grandmother’s house because my Aunt Terry and her friends loved him! So do I!
My music collection is categorized and organized as best as I can make it. I’ve got my rock, pop, standard and classical collection all neatly alphabetized in a huge case.
This CD reminds me of summer in Virginia Beach. I’m also surprised that 4 Non-Blondes never became a super group. This is still one of my favorite CD’s–23 years later!! I’m glad Linda Perry is active in the music business as a producer though!
My collection of French music, which I listen to more and more these days, is neatly ensconced in a different case, which also houses my Cajun and world music.
Some of my Frenchie stuff. Serge Lama has a very “interesting” French version of The Kink’s “Apeman”!
I also have me the Dutronc men. Dad Jacques and son Thomas!
Latin music always brings sensual summer evenings at the beach–with cocktails to mind.
American Roots music is almost eerie in an “Oh Brother Where Art Thou” way. A lot of it is very sad and haunting with tales of sickness and poverty and struggle. But we need songs like that once in a while!
Whenever I listen to my Cajun music I’m immediately mind-traveled down to New Orleans and having a great time. Oh–and I DO play Cajun cookin’ whenever I make a gumbo! Then I dance around the house!
This CD has been placed in my world music section. Billy Furlong and Michelle Bergin are musicians who played at many a feis that Oona competed in. We listened to this CD for YEARS. Number 23, especially–Oona’s set for a long time was King of the Fairies. Look–there’s even a song about me–Madame Bonaparte! This CD brings back a load of dance memories and memories of the great friends we made during that time!
I’ve also amassed a decent collection of Christmas music!
I like an eclectic mix. After all, Santa Claus travels all over!
Two of my favorite Christmas CD’s of Christmas music. I have two copies of A Jazzy Wonderland. One for the car and one for the house…
And I even have his rare Jimi Hendrix Christmas album/cd!!!!!
The CD’s I listen to now are almost like a uniform of clothing. The same stuff I never, ever tire of: every single John Mayer CD, Joni Mitchell, Matthew Sweet, Billy Joel, and my French CD’s. This is the music I’m comfortable with for now. Familiar and worn in and always making me feel slightly better on the worst day!
I “discovered” John Mayer while on a trip to Austin, TX to visit my son Jake who was a student at UT at the time. I always equate Mayer with Austin!
Like my memories, I keep my music collections close to my heart. Some CD’s haven’t been played in years—but I know they are with me. And when I get the urge to go back to a different time in my life, I can sit back, open up my ears, close my eyes, and let my mental theatre bring me to my childhood, or teen years, my young mother days or even the bad times. With my music I can go anywhere and be in any time!
It’s all good. Actually, with music, it’s all greatness!
XOXOXOXO. Today. I’m thinking–standard! How’s this Bobby Darin tune? Clementine! It’s a take on..yeah..the old Darlin’ Clementine, but done in Darin’s hip way!
When my son, Jake, and “the girl” (listen, I only refer to this really, really nice girl that he brought home as “the girl” because it has been “kindly suggested“ to me to keep some things a bit—well, private.), were over this past Friday evening they, Bonaparte and I had a really nice dinner on our terrace deck. After a few couple few of Kir Royales, followed by a certain amount of Rosé, I loosened up enough to tell “the girl” a couple of stories about Jake when he was a little boy.
Before I continue with those stories, you should really need to know something.
In my family I’m known as the bad “unconventional” mother! Yeah. I was absolutely horrible. One of my sisters wouldn’t even let her children near me without supervision!
I breastfed my three kids for a total of three years each. They are three years apart. I nursed for a total of nine years straight. I nursed on the subway, on the city buses, in restaurants and on Sunday, in Mass. You think Mary gave Jesus a bottle?
Can you imagine? Joseph asking Mary if he should ride the donkey into town to pick up formula for Jesus??????
Oh. And you can become pregnant whilst in your breastfeeding phase.
Breast milk. The natural and organic boob job. Oh..and it’s good for the children too! This pic was taken after Oona was born. They eventually went down in size–and gravity too!
I didn’t “safeguard” our apartment in New York City. By that, I mean I didn’t put child locks on cabinets; the children knew in no uncertain terms to NOT even think of opening that cabinet under the sink!
The children lived in my home. I didn’t live in theirs.
I could have been arrested for child abuse for the example below:
Example: When Roman was about 18 months old, he miraculously unclipped the strap in his stroller and ran out onto Broadway—in oncoming traffic. A bus was approaching.
I ran like the wind out in the street, grabbed him and spanked his diaper- protected backside, literally hysterical crying “Don’t you EVER, do that again!!! ”
One of my earth mother friends saw this and said “Are you abusing that child?”
My comeback: “Yeah, Allie. I would rather have an abused child than a dead child” “Don’t forget to tell everyone at the playground what I did!!!!!!”
Another great example of my life lessons…..
Example. Shortly after Roman’s birth, I was in the playground—nursing Roman while Jake played close by. My friend Anna was sitting next to me. Jake asked Anna’s daughter if he could ride her tricycle. Anna’s daughter said no—so Jake asked Anna if he could ride the bike. Anna looked down at Jake (I swear to god I will never forget this) and said in an “Earth Mother” sing-songy soft voice.
“I’m sorry Jake; she doesn’t feel like sharing today”
I was dumbstruck. WTF kinds of values were this one teaching her daughter?????
When I got home, I had a neighbor watch the kids. I got on the subway and went downtown. I purchased a tricycle for my son. The next day we went to the playground, knowing fully well what would transpire. I sat my ass down next to Anna. Anna’s daughter came running up to Jake, who was in front of me and getting on his bike. She asked Jake if she could ride his little bike.
I bent over and in the most sing-songy voice I could use said
“I’m sorry, but Jake doesn’t feel like sharing today”
Then I turned to Anna and asked “How does that feel. Do you like it when the shoe is on the other foot?”
Seriously. How could anyone not share with my baby boy?? I hope I taught that non-sharer a valuable object lesson!
Yes. I was THAT mother! I led by example!
When my ex-husband was away on business, the kids and I would all sometimes “camp out” in the family room. Watching TV till all hours, eating ice cream and other goodies—and sometimes, I would put some music on and we would rock out dancing!
Before we moved to the suburbs and the kids were really young I would do this thing during the full moon. We lived in Upper Manhattan, up on a hill. During the winter, when the trees were bare, you could see the George Washington Bridge—and at night when it was lit up, it was stunning. Anyway, during the super full moons in the late Fall and Winter, I would get the kids bundled up and take them to the highest point of the hill to see “The Beautiful Moon”. It was spectacular because it was so large that you could seemingly touch it.
Was I THAT bad to take my young children at night, all bundled up to see THIS???
All little kids need to see things like that super full moon before they go to sleep so they can have sweet dreams!
You get the gist of my “bad” mothering.
Anyway, back to Jake and the “embarrassing” stories that mommy could tell…..
Jake was in kindergarten. At St. Ignatius Loyola School in NYC. Christmas time.
Our Christmas tree was up—oh, maybe a couple of days. I had finished decorating it. It was massive. My ex-husband was on a business trip so I was on my own with the tree.
Roman was two years old and Oona wasn’t even in the fetal stage yet! Roman, for some reason, crawled under the tree and knocked it over. Here’s where bad mom comes in…
I grabbed the tree and held it up, over-dramatically screaming to Jake to “run upstairs to the Barrett’s apartment and get James and John” (James and John being Jake’s best friend, Kevin’s teenaged twin brothers)
I also yelled “I’m gonna kill your brother!!!!” (I really had no intention of killing Roman. I love him unconditionally).
I wasn’t as composed as Clark Griswold!
The next day, I received a call from Jake’s teacher, Mrs. Wescott. Mrs. Wescott was an ex-nun and was one of the nicest, kindest women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. He attended Kindergarten at St. Ignatius Loyola in NYC.
A great and liberal Catholic school. Lots of fun memories here!
The conversation went something like this:
Me: “Hullo” (Again, I’m classy!)
Mary Wescott: “Cathe, I have something to tell you….”
Me: (Interrupting). OMG. Mary, is Jake OK????
Mary Wescott: “Yes he is fine. But you know, something happened today and if Jake was in public school his teacher would have called the police on you. It’s a good thing I know you”
Me: (Shocked) “What happened?”
Mary Wescott: “I always ask the children if they have any special intentions before we say our morning prayers”. (Remember this is Catholic School) “Jake raised his hand and said “I would like to offer our prayers up for my brother Roman. He knocked the Christmas tree down and my mother said she was going to kill him.” “I don’t want my mother to kill my brother”
Me: “Well, I did say that, but I didn’t mean it.” “I would never kill one of my kids!”
Mary Wescott “Cathe I know that, I just thought you would like to hear this”….
No bus for this guy–being the bad mom that I am, I accompanied him downtown twice a day on the subway. That was until I wised up and drove downtown and back! It was the least I could do since I traumatized him with the “Christmas Tree” incident! Isn’t he adorbs in that little uniform???
Thank god Mrs. Wescott did know me. I did a ton of volunteer work at the school and the nuns and lay teachers were well aware of just how “Mother Teresa”I could be every now and then!
I didn’t stop there. I continued to tell “the girl” another great story!
Poor Mrs. Wescott—another incident that took place during Jake’s Kindergarten year!
Mother’s Day. 1988. The children of St. Ignatius Kindergarten hosted a “Mother’s Day Tea”. The students, unbeknownst to the moms, (or at least to this mom) brought in their favorite picture of their mothers to place on a bulletin board that Mrs. Wescott decorated in honor of the moms.
We moms were invited to take a look at the pictures on the bulletin board. The mothers all looked so nice and pretty and proper in various Laura Ashley dresses. Tea length dresses were very popular back then among the conservative mommy crowd. Floral and chintz fabrics adorned the mommies. They all looked so loving and nurturing!
Then there was the photo of me. My eyes popped wide and my mouth opened. But I was speechless. I was shocked at what I saw before me.
It was a photograph that was taken during my youngest sister’s wedding. I was seated at a table and I was wearing a strapless bridesmaid dress. My hair, due to the rainy weather that day, was not just Long Island big, it was Long Island huge!!! I had a drink (one of many Woo Woo’s that were consumed that evening) in one hand, a pack of Marlboro Lights (I stopped smoking years ago) were placed on the table next to me, and behind the Marlboros was a bottle of Afrin nasal spray. (I had awful allergies and my nose was constantly stuffed)! I was mortified! First of all, I had no idea how this lovely and sweet child of mine even got his hands on this picture! Secondly, I looked like a full-blown lush! My smile clearly told the story of a woman who had quite a few beverages. Beverages that were NOT non-alcoholic!
My big-ass Long Island hair made this do of Ms. Bonham-Carter’s look little…
I didn’t need hairspray–THIS was my go-to spray….
Luckily, I stopped…but cigs go so well with cocktails!
Back then, Woo-Woo’s were such a delicious beverage! Do they still make these?
I slowly walked over to Mrs. Wescott and whispered “How could you let that photo be placed on the bulletin board?” She answered that “Jake said he liked the picture because he said your smile was pretty” “Cathe, all he saw was your smile!”
That night when I thought about the photograph, I cried. Not because I was sad, but because kids are just so damn innocent—they just don’t see the awful stuff. Jake didn’t see “bad” mom. He didn’t see “party” mom. He just saw that my buzz-filled smile looked pretty to him!
I feel badly that I ripped the picture up–otherwise I would have posted it. Fear not. Here’s a little photo play of some naughty mom moments for your pleasure!
Long Beach New York. circa 1987. What the young oldest child is good for!
I let my babies crawl out into the Atlantic Ocean. Actually, Roman probably already knew what a hot mess of a mom I was. He was probably trying to escape from me!
I paid no attention while Oona ate sand. Hey. It’s organic! (Damn. I was so much thinner!)
I allowed the boys to play with violent toys–such as this Ghostbusters pop gun!
Just call me Momee Antoinette, I let them eat cake….
…and more cake….
…and even MORE cake!
I let them eat pizza at such a young age…
..and drink…SODA!!!
…and the crime of all crimes. I allowed the kids to have a bottle every ONCE IN A WHILE! NO–it isn’t bourbon or whiskey. It’s worse! It’s iced tea! At least it was followed by a shot of breast milk!
I did awful things like have a “six-month-old” Birthday party for Jake. (Note the hat cut in half, the half cake, and the half-tapered candle.) Luckily, bad mom turned into great mom and got his hand out of harm’s way just in time!
I let the boys play Wiffle ball in the apartment.
I allowed them to touch filthy barn animals and usually forgot to bring wipes!
I never protected them from scary Halloween monsters who hovered over them!
I allowed them to dress up in very scary costumes for Halloween. In fact, I MADE all their costumes. Told you I was bad! This was Jake as “The Penguin” from Batman. He even won a contest!
Before the movie “Titanic” came out, I turned Roman into a drowned Titanic passenger. I even made the little life saver and I made myself up.
Oona didn’t like scary costumes so I made her a Pebbles Flintstone costume. My sister later borrowed this for my niece. I never got it back!
Well, the outcome was that my son was clearly NOT embarrassed by my telling those stories to “the girl”. In fact, Bonaparte told me later on that Jake was rather happy and beaming by the way I relayed the stories.
Seriously, over the years I’ve also:
Cut Oona’s eyelid open by trying to trim her bangs.
Had to cut Roman’s hair into a crew cut because I tried to cut his hair myself and screwed up.
Slammed the car door on Roman’s finger by accident.
Ignored Oona’s constant complaint’s about her “sore” foot only to find out it was a stress fracture
Over-reacted to Jake’s getting cat-scratch fever and cried and carried on in the doctor’s office for what seemed like hours until I was given a “prescription” to calm my anxiety
Ran out into East 83rd street running after Roman when he was wearing only his “teenage mututant turtles” underwear because he was afraid of getting a needle. Yes–he was THAT fast! He ran right out of the office!
I’ve allowed the kids to eat Halloween candy for breakfast the day after
And, in spite of my bad unconventional ways and being the not-so-perfect mom, the kids grew up to be caring, socially aware and successful adults.
I may not have a pot to piss in, but I managed to raise three great adults!
Sometimes being the bad mom just isn’t so bad after all now. Is it?
My point being that we aren’t perfect moms at times. Raising kids can be challenging at times because everyone has “their” way of raising kids..and “their” way always seems to be the right way.
Be a mom with your heart! Have fun. It’s ok to dance around the house with them and camp out with them and be silly.
It what memories are made of!
XOXOXOXO!
I HAD to give you “Teach Your Children” today! CSN ! Greatness!
