Fugget About Christmas Cheer. I’m Gettin’ My Holiday Bitch On!

Before I continue, I want to tell you how my Thanksgiving rolled.  First of all, the timing of Oona’s flight couldn’t have gone better.  Her flight arrived early. EARLY! So we went home to a nice dinner of my   Essential Thanksgiving Sandwich   and in no time we were pushing each other’s buttons as only a mother and daughter can do!  I won’t elaborate. Just use your imagination!

But we hugged, kissed, and made up before retiring for the night!  Holiday stress!

In the meantime, Bonaparte dropped Chippy off at the PetSmart hotel before we left for the airport. Chippy would stay through Thanksgiving Day.  I’m not even going to broach the subject that he could have asked his daughter to watch our dog. God forbid!  More Holiday stress.   Chippy the Wonderdog. Then who you lookin at

You’re bringing me WHERE?????

Bonaparte suggested we bring Chippy into NYC and have Chippy wait in the car while we dined on our Thanksgiving dinner at Claudette. Holiday stress at best.

I kindly made the suggestion that perhaps Bonaparte could just stay home with Chippy and that I could drive into the City with Oona and have dinner with my kids by myself. He could open a pack of hot dogs and dine with Chippy.  The Acme of Holiday stress!

I’m getting my Holiday Bitch on! Fugget about Christmas cheer! Thanksgiving Day arrived. At 6:30 AM we received a phone call. From PetSmart. Chippy was being taken to the vet for an emergency visit. He had bloody stools. Without going into too much detail or too much about my bitchiness (many naughty things were uttered under my breath), it appeared that Chippy suffered from severe separation anxiety.   He was put on antibiotics and he is fine and well and he is now comfy and cozy.

Chippy won't leave my side

He has not left my side since her arrived home after Thanksgiving.  As my son Jake stated “Well, at least ONE of your children hates being away from you!” My dream come true!

Back to Thanksgiving—we had a nice intimate dinner and NYC was great and it was truly a pleasure to be with all three kids. Poor Roman had been up since 2:30 in the morning in preparing for the crew work he had at the parade. Needless to say, he was practically falling asleep at the dinner table.   Oona and I were physically fighting with each other to sit next to Jake just so we could “pet” his luxe cashmere blazer. Jake was trying to ignore us.   I was annoyed at Bonaparte because he was more worried about Chippy and he wasn’t focusing on socializing during our dinner. THIS was my version of a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving.

Claudette

I do not know if we will be welcomed back here.

At least traffic ran smoothly. OK. Well, we got stuck in a bit of gridlock when we got out of the Holland Tunnel into NYC, but it was just for a couple of blocks.

Oona and I did some shopping over the weekend—we checked out the new “Primark” store at King of Prussia Mall. Primark is an amazing “fast fashion” clothing and home goods store that is based in Ireland.  Lots of fun stuff and the quality was pretty decent.

primark-sum_2039797b

Primark–it’s  “primarkable”!

I ended up getting a hat that reminded me of the one George Costanza wore in Seinfeld. Remember the fur hat episode?  I got this hat for five bucks. It’s so me. Perhaps I am the female version of George!

Costanza and me in hat.

George Costanza and I have so much in common.  The hat I purchased for five bucks sheds just like George’s fake fur hat!

Yesterday Bonaparte and I purchased our 2015 Christmas tree.   Much to my dismay, we purchased it at Lowe’s.  I refuse to give Lowe’s any of my non-existent money because this shitty establishment supports the faux-Christian Duggar Family. Ugh.  However, Lowe’s had a great selection of trees and Bonaparte paid for it—so technically, I didn’t give Lowe’s any of my money!

We ended up purchasing the second Douglas fir tree we spotted.  One. Two. Three. Tree! The height may not have been as tall as in the past, but the tree was nice and full.

Tree bare

Our barenaked Lowe’s tree. It doesn’t look that crooked here but within 24 hours it was like the leaning Christmas Tree of Pisa!

Back home, Bonaparte devised a way to keep the carpeting from getting wet from the excess water that may have dripped out of the tree stand.  He purchased one of those discs that kids sit in to ride down snowy hills.  My concern is this “disc” isn’t exactly level. Bonaparte insisted it is fine.

Bonaparte's idea of securing the tree. it is shit.

Not only will this disc keep the carpet dry, but I’ll get to play the game “Guess How Many Times The Christmas Tree Tips Over”. Hmmmm–this could be a new drinking game!

With the tree set up and standing—it fell while Bonaparte was out with clients earlier today–he hasn’t come back yet, and the tree is now crooked as all get out, my “Holiday Bitchiness” is festering. A lot!

But enough about me—it’s time to decorate the tree!

I went out to the garage and got the lights, which were an unorganized mess clustered in bags.

Bags of lights and more stuff that is of great interest to Chippy!

The clustered lights were nothing but a mass of tangles. After untangling the mess, I started to place the lights on the tree ever-so-carefully.

More lights to untangle

I won’t even tell you how long it took me to untangle these lights!

I even turned the TV on to the Christmas music channel. Does it matter that I have over 50 Christmas CD’s I could have played? No.  The Christmas music channel is custom made for lazy slobs such as myself.

Listening to Christmas music on TV

This just proves how incredibly lazy I am–I cannot even bring myself to change CD’s. I have to listen to my Christmas music on TV!

So now, I’m in a happy little mood, placing the white lights on the crooked tree, singing along to Christmas songs and taking the time every now and then to threaten Chippy if he comes near my lights.

And more lights

…..and even more lights. Oh yes. I managed to tangle these up as well!

When I got to the last strand of lights, I realized that I had the wrong connecter end. That last set of lights didn’t have the prongs to plug into the outlet.

In addition, I heard a “crunch”. Chippy was off the sofa and in the dining room.  On the floor near his mouth, was a little chewed up light bulb.  His stools had better not have as much as one drop of blood! After more holiday bitchiness, Chippy ran back on the sofa. He kept away from the lights and the tree!

Chippy. On the Sofa. Why should he be different than anyone else

SOMEONE got “time out”–on the comfy sofa!

I reached a new low.  I stood there and called the lights a “bunch of assholes”.  Who does that?  Seriously. Am I the only person on earth who curses at her tree lights and refers to the little bulbs of illumination as assholes?  I also had a few choice words to describe Bonaparte’s wonderful way of keeping the water off of the carpet.

It took me quite a while to remove all the lights from the tree without yanking them in a fit and taking the tree’s needles off as well.  THIS time I plugged the lights into the outlet and started at the bottom of the tree working up.  I finally figured it out.

Lights. Let's start this again.

Second time around, I plugged the lights in first then started from the bottom. Duh!

Lights are up. Tree fell. Tree more crooked.

My crooked tree–all lit up. Crooked or not, it looks fine.

Next step.  Burlap “ribbon” as garland.  Yeah. This year’s theme is “Rustic”.  I wrapped burlap ribbon on the stairway and decided to bring it over to the tree.  I’m liking the way it looks on my tree that becomes more crooked as the day goes on.

Burlap ribbon is on the tree

Time for the ornaments!

Tree wrapped in burlap, it was time to place the ornaments on the tree.  I’m being a bit “less is more” this year. Actually, that’s my excuse for being too lazy to hang every ornament I own on the tree.  Here are some of my favorites:

Ornaments. The great Cornholio

Remember Bevis and Butthead? Remember The Great Cornholio?  Well, here he is. I can’t remember which of our dogs ate his feet and hands. Most likely, it was Dorothy.

Ornament. Tick Tock Clock

I love this Fisher-Price Tick Tock Clock ornament.  The hands move! It reminds me of when the kids were younger…

Ornaments. Red Sox

…our beloved Red Sox ornament…

Ornaments. Giants

…this Giants ornament is a bit messed up–but I’m so happy to hang it in Eagle’s country! I love those Giants!

Ornaments. Chili

..this little chili pepper was purchased in San Antonio when my brother Pete got married…

Ornaments. Barbie.

…my 1959 Barbie ornament is just as beautiful as my original Barbie doll…

Ornament. Santa Statue of Liberty

Santa Liberty always makes me feel good…

Ornament. Purshased at Oireachtas in 2007

…and this little Irish Dancer was purchased at the 2007 Oireachtas–Oona was a senior in high school!

Ornament. Music and guitar for Roman

Whenever I hang this guitar ornament, I think of  Roman and his love of music and the guitar lessons he took when he was younger…

Ornament. Baseball player

…this baseball player always brings back memories of Jake’s baseball days!

Ornament. Eiffel Tower

Guess what THIS ornament reminds me of???

Ornament. Ireland forever

More memories of Irish roots…

Ornament. Blessed Mother of Starbucks. Gave birth to a latte.

…and one of my favorites–The Blessed Mother of Starbucks. On Christmas Eve she will give birth to a baby latte…..

Ornament Starbucks ceramic cop

Here’s my other Starbucks ornament–an homage to NYC!  I have a yen for a cup of coffee right now!

Jake as ornament circia 1989

This ornament isn’t on the tree, but it Does have a history.  I purchased this at Frank’s, a store similar to Michael’s craft store. I got it in 1989 on Central Avenue in Yonkers.  When I saw it, it reminded me of my son Jake–and every year I have him on display. It’s too bad I couldn’t get Roman and Oona look alike figures!

Honestly, if it wasn’t raining, I would put Chippy into the back seat of my car and we would venture out in search of a rustic, burlap type of tree skirt. Unfortunately, the weather today is horrific and I’m not going out.  But—later on this week, I’ll be out in search of the tree skirt. There is NO WAY I am allowing my crooked tree to be naked at the bottom and have to look at that monstrous disc.

But for now, I’ll enjoy my illuminated tree and stairway!

Tree. Still crooked

I’ll enjoy my tree…and…

End of stairway

the stairway!

Happy tree trimming everyone!  Enjoy this little song. I miss Karen Carpenter’s rich and smooth voice–she knew how to make a Christmas song so touching and from the heart…Will you be home for Christmas? XOXOXOXOXO!!!!

 

 

 

 

About Catherine

Far from perfect, but enjoying life as a non-perfect and flawed individual at 60 years young. I'm still wondering what I'll be when I grow up! The characters in my life's screenplay include my better half. He is a refined Frenchman who grew up in Paris and summered in St. Tropez. I grew up in Long Island and summered in Long Island. I am not refined. My three grown children are also a big part of my life. For their sake, they happily live where their careers have taken them! But I can still mother them from a distance! I write about the mundane. I write about deeply shallow issues. But whatever I write or muse about--it'll always be a bit on the humorous and positive side! It's all good!
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23 Responses to Fugget About Christmas Cheer. I’m Gettin’ My Holiday Bitch On!

  1. spearfruit says:

    LOL, I think I have called lights a worst name than assholes! Beautiful tree, glad you had a good thanksgiving. I hope Chippy is doing better. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Catherine says:

      Hehehe! Spear. I’m not even going to go into what other choice words I’ve used throughout this day. I would not even be worthy of receiving coal in my stocking! But–Chippy is back to normal and is well! ThanksXOXOXOXO!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Haylee says:

    Haha, I was dressing the tree at school today and someone last year (probably me!) had dumped all the bead garlands in the box in a heap. Cue angry grabbing and a lot of puffing and blowing as I tried to untangle them – I was cursing internally but had to be restrained as there were still kids about!
    We’ve had Primark for years – it’s known locally as Primani! They do have some fairly decent stuff for bargain prices. Poor Chippy, hope he’s much better now. Tree looks lovely too!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Catherine says:

      Oh. Haylee. I have those bead garlands. They are so tangled up that I left them in the boxes. No beads this year! I’m really a grinchette! I’m going to steal your “Primani”–I’m going to get lots of stocking stuffers there because the prices are so incredible! Glad you like the tree. It’s still a bit crooked but then again, it’s befitting. I don’t want perfect! XOXOXO!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Your Tree of Pisa is 👌👌👌 Love Karen!!! ❤️ and I. Love. That. Hat!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Catherine says:

      Karen–Bonaparte “fixed” “SOME” of the crookedness has been straightened because Bonaparte placed a plate under the “disc” to straighten it out–but it needs more assistance. Oh well! Yeah. Is that hat not amazing???? It’s greatness! XOXOXOXOXO!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Carol says:

    Your post cracked me up. I laughed out loud about the part where you called the lights assholes. Sounds like something I would do. lol

    In all seriousness, I get burnt out on Christmas shortly after holiday decorations show up in stores in mid-September. By the time December rolls around, I’m done. My birthday is in December and it was always my favorite month, but the commercialism has ruined it. Don’t get me started on Black Friday.

    Thanks for such a great post. I love reading you, girl. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Catherine says:

      Oh Carol–thanks so much. I’m glad you enjoy reading. But yeah–I get how you feel about being burnt out on Christmas after the decorations show up. I was all excited about putting the decos up–and now I’m a bit, well “sigh” about it. I am looking forward, though, to Christmas Eve when the kids will arrive! Oh. Black Friday. No. Just. No. Glad that is over! XOXOXOXO!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. June says:

    You crack me up…i have gotten-my-bitch-on many times, i dont just save it for the holidays. Nice to know i am in excellent company. For some reason i do not like putting up the tree; i like decorating, just not into the tree thing, dont know why. Probably haunting memories from childhood . Very glad Chippy is well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Catherine says:

      Hi June, Glad you enjoyed! Oh, Holiday Bitchiness is the best kind because you have the ability to turn everyone into a grinch! You KNOW you are in excellent company with me!!!! I have never had a year where an argument did not occur in putting up the tree. My parents argued. My ex-husband and I argued. I argued with myself and now Bonaparte and I argue. It’s not the holidays without a tree disagreement! My horrific childhood tree memories are stepping barefoot on that angel hair that fell and stuck like splinters in my feet—and my father’s obsession with placing tinsel on the tree! Horrors! Chippy is at my feet as I write this. He’s well and more spoiled than ever! XOXOXO!

      Like

  6. Jean says:

    Love everything about this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. calensariel says:

    Loved Oona’s ornament and the Irish angel. And that burlap looks pretty cool. I hope you find your tree skirt. Or you could just buy some burlap, cut a circle, and throw it around there!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. junedesilva says:

    Great post! Made me laugh and smile – as always! Yes, ‘Primani’ is well known in the UK but can divide opinion for all sorts of reasons…However, what I loved most, in your post, was the gorgeous Chippy!! I’m a massive dog lover. We’ve always had dogs & had two all the way through our boys childhood. Sadly, we are currently dog less but , hopefully, not for long!! Vive Chippy! Il est beau et mignon 🐶

    Liked by 1 person

    • Catherine says:

      Thanks June! Yes, that Chipster is a very cute little man. He was at my side today while the two of us watched a Dickens movie marathon. I do believe his favorite was “Great Expectations”–just like my favorite!! XOXOXOXO!!

      Like

  9. Tejaswi says:

    I see, the spirit of Christmas is still around. It has been a while since I last saw any blogs 🙂 and when I come back to yours, dear Cath, you are still the non-conformist as ever. Love ya. 😀

    Nah, not Constanza.. more like the Soup Nazi, more like me hehehe… missed ya. Not been online in a very long time. Hope you are well.. and er… merry xmas..

    Liked by 1 person

  10. izabolinha says:

    Funny , and entertaining , and “food for thought” as always Catherine 😉
    Glad to know Chippy is ok now , the Thanksgiving went somewhat well (uh! the things our children say …but isn’t it so good they can say it ? ) , your Tower of Pisa Christmas tree is looking beautiful , and as you can see I’m running out with this comment but didn’t want to leave it for later on , as I never know when I can have access to this laptop 😉
    Turtle Hugs 🙂

    Like

  11. Susan G says:

    As always, your post is hilarious and a tiny bit poignant. Your rustic tree is more lovely for its “imperfection”! I love how personal it is, chewed Cornholio limbs and all! 😀
    I’m so glad dear Chippy is feeling better, too. He’s a doll. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Catherine says:

      Hi Susan! I’m glad you like the tree. I’m thinking that rustic is far more interesting than all that matchy stuff…and my poor Cornholio–those chewed limbs add to the fun! XOXOXO!!

      Like

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