Before I continue, I want to tell you how my Thanksgiving rolled.  First of all, the timing of Oona’s flight couldn’t have gone better.  Her flight arrived early. EARLY! So we went home to a nice dinner of my   Essential Thanksgiving Sandwich   and in no time we were pushing each other’s buttons as only a mother and daughter can do!  I won’t elaborate. Just use your imagination!

But we hugged, kissed, and made up before retiring for the night!  Holiday stress!

In the meantime, Bonaparte dropped Chippy off at the PetSmart hotel before we left for the airport. Chippy would stay through Thanksgiving Day.  I’m not even going to broach the subject that he could have asked his daughter to watch our dog. God forbid!  More Holiday stress.  

You’re bringing me WHERE?????

Bonaparte suggested we bring Chippy into NYC and have Chippy wait in the car while we dined on our Thanksgiving dinner at Claudette. Holiday stress at best.

I kindly made the suggestion that perhaps Bonaparte could just stay home with Chippy and that I could drive into the City with Oona and have dinner with my kids by myself. He could open a pack of hot dogs and dine with Chippy.  The Acme of Holiday stress!

I’m getting my Holiday Bitch on! Fugget about Christmas cheer! Thanksgiving Day arrived. At 6:30 AM we received a phone call. From PetSmart. Chippy was being taken to the vet for an emergency visit. He had bloody stools. Without going into too much detail or too much about my bitchiness (many naughty things were uttered under my breath), it appeared that Chippy suffered from severe separation anxiety.   He was put on antibiotics and he is fine and well and he is now comfy and cozy.

He has not left my side since her arrived home after Thanksgiving.  As my son Jake stated “Well, at least ONE of your children hates being away from you!” My dream come true!

Back to Thanksgiving—we had a nice intimate dinner and NYC was great and it was truly a pleasure to be with all three kids. Poor Roman had been up since 2:30 in the morning in preparing for the crew work he had at the parade. Needless to say, he was practically falling asleep at the dinner table.   Oona and I were physically fighting with each other to sit next to Jake just so we could “pet” his luxe cashmere blazer. Jake was trying to ignore us.   I was annoyed at Bonaparte because he was more worried about Chippy and he wasn’t focusing on socializing during our dinner. THIS was my version of a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving.

I do not know if we will be welcomed back here.

At least traffic ran smoothly. OK. Well, we got stuck in a bit of gridlock when we got out of the Holland Tunnel into NYC, but it was just for a couple of blocks.

Oona and I did some shopping over the weekend—we checked out the new “Primark” store at King of Prussia Mall. Primark is an amazing “fast fashion” clothing and home goods store that is based in Ireland.  Lots of fun stuff and the quality was pretty decent.

Primark–it’s  “primarkable”!

I ended up getting a hat that reminded me of the one George Costanza wore in Seinfeld. Remember the fur hat episode?  I got this hat for five bucks. It’s so me. Perhaps I am the female version of George!

George Costanza and I have so much in common.  The hat I purchased for five bucks sheds just like George’s fake fur hat!

Yesterday Bonaparte and I purchased our 2015 Christmas tree.   Much to my dismay, we purchased it at Lowe’s.  I refuse to give Lowe’s any of my non-existent money because this shitty establishment supports the faux-Christian Duggar Family. Ugh.  However, Lowe’s had a great selection of trees and Bonaparte paid for it—so technically, I didn’t give Lowe’s any of my money!

We ended up purchasing the second Douglas fir tree we spotted.  One. Two. Three. Tree! The height may not have been as tall as in the past, but the tree was nice and full.

Our barenaked Lowe’s tree. It doesn’t look that crooked here but within 24 hours it was like the leaning Christmas Tree of Pisa!

Back home, Bonaparte devised a way to keep the carpeting from getting wet from the excess water that may have dripped out of the tree stand.  He purchased one of those discs that kids sit in to ride down snowy hills.  My concern is this “disc” isn’t exactly level. Bonaparte insisted it is fine.

Not only will this disc keep the carpet dry, but I’ll get to play the game “Guess How Many Times The Christmas Tree Tips Over”. Hmmmm–this could be a new drinking game!

With the tree set up and standing—it fell while Bonaparte was out with clients earlier today–he hasn’t come back yet, and the tree is now crooked as all get out, my “Holiday Bitchiness” is festering. A lot!

But enough about me—it’s time to decorate the tree!

I went out to the garage and got the lights, which were an unorganized mess clustered in bags.

Bags of lights and more stuff that is of great interest to Chippy!

The clustered lights were nothing but a mass of tangles. After untangling the mess, I started to place the lights on the tree ever-so-carefully.

I won’t even tell you how long it took me to untangle these lights!

I even turned the TV on to the Christmas music channel. Does it matter that I have over 50 Christmas CD’s I could have played? No.  The Christmas music channel is custom made for lazy slobs such as myself.

This just proves how incredibly lazy I am–I cannot even bring myself to change CD’s. I have to listen to my Christmas music on TV!

So now, I’m in a happy little mood, placing the white lights on the crooked tree, singing along to Christmas songs and taking the time every now and then to threaten Chippy if he comes near my lights.

…..and even more lights. Oh yes. I managed to tangle these up as well!

When I got to the last strand of lights, I realized that I had the wrong connecter end. That last set of lights didn’t have the prongs to plug into the outlet.

In addition, I heard a “crunch”. Chippy was off the sofa and in the dining room.  On the floor near his mouth, was a little chewed up light bulb.  His stools had better not have as much as one drop of blood! After more holiday bitchiness, Chippy ran back on the sofa. He kept away from the lights and the tree!

SOMEONE got “time out”–on the comfy sofa!

I reached a new low.  I stood there and called the lights a “bunch of assholes”.  Who does that?  Seriously. Am I the only person on earth who curses at her tree lights and refers to the little bulbs of illumination as assholes?  I also had a few choice words to describe Bonaparte’s wonderful way of keeping the water off of the carpet.

It took me quite a while to remove all the lights from the tree without yanking them in a fit and taking the tree’s needles off as well.  THIS time I plugged the lights into the outlet and started at the bottom of the tree working up.  I finally figured it out.

Second time around, I plugged the lights in first then started from the bottom. Duh!

My crooked tree–all lit up. Crooked or not, it looks fine.

Next step.  Burlap “ribbon” as garland.  Yeah. This year’s theme is “Rustic”.  I wrapped burlap ribbon on the stairway and decided to bring it over to the tree.  I’m liking the way it looks on my tree that becomes more crooked as the day goes on.

Time for the ornaments!

Tree wrapped in burlap, it was time to place the ornaments on the tree.  I’m being a bit “less is more” this year. Actually, that’s my excuse for being too lazy to hang every ornament I own on the tree.  Here are some of my favorites:

Remember Bevis and Butthead? Remember The Great Cornholio?  Well, here he is. I can’t remember which of our dogs ate his feet and hands. Most likely, it was Dorothy.

I love this Fisher-Price Tick Tock Clock ornament.  The hands move! It reminds me of when the kids were younger…

…our beloved Red Sox ornament…

…this Giants ornament is a bit messed up–but I’m so happy to hang it in Eagle’s country! I love those Giants!

..this little chili pepper was purchased in San Antonio when my brother Pete got married…

…my 1959 Barbie ornament is just as beautiful as my original Barbie doll…

Santa Liberty always makes me feel good…

…and this little Irish Dancer was purchased at the 2007 Oireachtas–Oona was a senior in high school!

Whenever I hang this guitar ornament, I think of  Roman and his love of music and the guitar lessons he took when he was younger…

…this baseball player always brings back memories of Jake’s baseball days!

Guess what THIS ornament reminds me of???

More memories of Irish roots…

…and one of my favorites–The Blessed Mother of Starbucks. On Christmas Eve she will give birth to a baby latte…..

Here’s my other Starbucks ornament–an homage to NYC!  I have a yen for a cup of coffee right now!

This ornament isn’t on the tree, but it Does have a history.  I purchased this at Frank’s, a store similar to Michael’s craft store. I got it in 1989 on Central Avenue in Yonkers.  When I saw it, it reminded me of my son Jake–and every year I have him on display. It’s too bad I couldn’t get Roman and Oona look alike figures!

Honestly, if it wasn’t raining, I would put Chippy into the back seat of my car and we would venture out in search of a rustic, burlap type of tree skirt. Unfortunately, the weather today is horrific and I’m not going out.  But—later on this week, I’ll be out in search of the tree skirt. There is NO WAY I am allowing my crooked tree to be naked at the bottom and have to look at that monstrous disc.

But for now, I’ll enjoy my illuminated tree and stairway!

I’ll enjoy my tree…and…

the stairway!

Happy tree trimming everyone!  Enjoy this little song. I miss Karen Carpenter’s rich and smooth voice–she knew how to make a Christmas song so touching and from the heart…Will you be home for Christmas? XOXOXOXOXO!!!!