CAVEAT: This post would have been published last night. But my &*()&*(&* damn laptop stinks. My finger touched a certain key and everything disappeared. I’m writing this on the PC instead!
And away. We. Go…
My morning routine is very important to me. While I wait for my day cream and serum and primers to dry upon my visage, I enjoy sipping upon the coffee that Bonaparte makes and serves me—princess that I am. It is also time for me to read one of my favorite blogs, “That’s Not My Age”, by Alyson Walsh. She’s a spunky Brit with tons of style and panache. She actually qualifies as one of my delusional best friends forever. I’m sure she would call Scotland Yard if I ever showed up within two feet of her, but that’s the way it goes!
This morning I read a post referencing the new “No Makeup Movement”. Have you heard of this or seen any of the photographs of the many celebrities posing *cough* *ahem* makeup free?
Most of those who have freed their pusses of cosmetics are under 30 and they are wrinkle and rosacea free as well. They are also lady whisker free. You know where this is going don’t you?
Yeah. Harper’s Bazaar glorified quite a few celebrities who snapped “No Makeup Selfies” and I question the “no makeup” part. Shall we?
Look closely at Heidi Klum’s cheeks. She’s wearing contour. Her bottom lip is also a brighter shade of pink than her top lip and that pink isn’t even. She’s wearing a minimal amount of makeup. I’m more impressed with that beautiful wrinkle-free neck. I want Heidi Klum’s neck.
Salma Hayek thinks that snapping a photo of herself with wet hair means no makeup. Look at her eyes. She’s wearing a very, very light brown shadow on her lids. And look at the bottom lids..I detect a bit of liner and mascara. WTF has cheeks that are naturally illuminated? Nobody. That’s who! She’s wearing some sort of highlighter. Nobody’s hair looks that good wet. The lighting is also a factor in a softer look.
Lady Gaga is so incredibly pretty. But I am deeply confused. Either she has a killer spray tan and didn’t want her face tanned, or she applied a ton of powder on her face before this “no makeup” selfie was snapped. If that is her natural hair, she’s even more gorgeous than I imagined.
I’m having a hard time with this one because it looks like Cindy Crawford has foundation or concealer on that sexy mole of hers. She lined the bottom of her eyes too! I’m wondering if I’m a freak of nature because MY lips are naturally much darker. I need lip color to get MY lips that Cindy light color. I think Cindy does too! Cindy is also very aware of lighting. That’s why she took the photo under the covers. I love my Cindy Crawford sofa. It’s held up so much better than my overpriced Ethan Allen one. Cindy is NOT makeup free in this selfie.
Diane Kruger IS gorgeous. But This is not a completely no-makeup selfie. She’s got lip balm or a very light gloss on. I detect a bit of a line of demarcation above her upper eyelid. But the BEST thing about this selfie is that she has the very beginning of fuzz on her chin. Welcome to the world of lady whiskers my pretty! Soon you will have a tweezer in every purse!
I swear to goddess. Bazaar had the balls to add this pic of Kylie Jenner in the “no makeup” selfie. Oh. Wait. This look IS what no makeup means to the Jenner/Kardashian clan!
Alright. Bar Refaeli is makeup free. And if I looked like her, I would not have the need to wear cosmetics. And SHE is one in a hundred million who could carry this off on a daily basis. She is a freak of nature! Nobody is that naturally beautiful!
Megan Fox has watermarked her top inner eyelids. I know this. I do it all the time. She filled in her brows. She also filled in her face. She admitted to it in an interview. So basically, her makeup is internal.
Now THIS is what I’m talking about. THIS is a true no-makeup photo. It isn’t a selfie. It isn’t from Bazaar. But it’s a bonafide photo of a woman who is in her late sixties, photographed in natural lighting, without filters. THANK YOU SAINT HELEN MIRREN!! Look at the photo after she’s been made up. The cosmetics that have been applied to her face are not a mask. The cosmetics are enhancing the beautiful features she has. She looks a good 15 years younger. I’m very jealous of Mirren. Look at her neck!!! She’s no turkey!
Now take a look at me without makeup. In one photo the lighting is more natural. In the other, the lighting is more subdued and my hair—or the hair that’s left on my head is cascading over my face to hide some of the many flaws.
Both photos, no makeup. Actually the photo in the subdued light looks much worse than the one of me in regular light. My lips need some toning down. I have a bit of rosacea. Look. One nostril is larger than the other. That’s because I had a serious Afrin addiction when I was in my thirties. Back then I didn’t need tweezers in every purse. I carried nasal spray in every purse instead! I was trying to look like Salma Hayek in that other pic –I couldn’t get my hair wet!
I got something to tell youse. I ain’t getting rid of my makeup. I ain’t leavin’ my house makeup free either! Not now. Not ever. Never!
The only place these eye shadows are going are on my eye lids!
I keep my beauty assistants close by…
I have trunks full of stuff I’ve never even used!
My new brushes now have a special place on my vanity. They are for MY vanity!
The last time I left the house makeup free, with my hair in a bun, I was referred to as “sir”. My bun must have looked like one of those man buns—or “muns” because of my receding hairline and I’m sure I needed a lip and chin wax. I rest my case!
Yeah. Hair back. No makeup. A bit late to wax the lip and chin. And I”m called “sir”! Hmmm.. Just like “Sir” Ray Davie and “Sir” Paul McCartney. I would rather be called Her Highness!
Those crazy celebrities. Yeah—you can go makeup free when you are younger. Hell, when I was young I never needed foundation. I didn’t even wear eyeliner until I reached my thirties!
When I was young it was lip gloss, blush and mascara. I always had Angel Face pressed powder in my purse because of my then oily “T” zone. Which I now wish would return!
As a teen, I was never without my Pond’s Angel Face pressed powder. I can still remember the lovely scent it had!
And as I aged—cosmetics became my new best friend. My once peaches and cream complexion turned into one of dried fruit and sour milk—but sour milk that has been in the fridge that there is a dry-cracked coating. (Yes. This happens. Trust me. I’ve left milk in the fridge that long).
Foundation brings a new glow to my skin and evens the tone out.
See what I mean. I’m NOT wearing a ton of makeup in this pic. Just enough to enhance my bone structure and features. And to NOT make me look like a “sir”!
And all the products that I very carefully apply, some days more carefully than others, I think of as my little assistants. Because they assist in enhancing the features that I have to bring life back into them.
And I’m not fond of an overly made up look anyway. I did an experiment a while back. If you may or may not recall–I decided to make myself up like a Kardashian (click the Kardashian name to read the post)
This was my homage to Khloe–when she wore her hair back. Now you know why I love to dye my hair–those gray roots look horrific!
This look scared me because Bonaparte liked it so much! Jesus! Look at my crepey neck!
It took me forever to slop all those cosmetics upon my face. I needed a nap after I was done. It’s too much work. I’ll settle for less makeup and more enhancing! But my point IS cosmetics are a good thing–even better if they make you feel confident! Right??
So please. I don’t want to be a part of any movement that feels women should free themselves of cosmetics.
I’m still trying to deal with the militant group who feel women should go gray! You want to sport gray hair, go do it. But don’t tell me that I should follow suit! I’m quite comfortable in my naturally dyed jet black #1 hair.
In the end, no matter whether or not we wear makeup. Or whether or not we let our tresses go gray, we are all beautiful people.
Melanie knows that–she sang a beautiful song about it!