Atypical 60

The License to Drive Me Crazy—A Day at the DMV

Posted on March 8, 2016 by Catherine

The time has come for me to renew my driver’s license.

And that is where I spent time yesterday. Here is my tale.

About three weeks ago, I received a notice in the mail from the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation reminding me that it was time to renew my driver’s license.

The PA Department of Transportation was more than kind to send out a reminder–but they wanted their money!

My license expires next month and I’m very obsessive about following any government regulations. I would be petrified to so much as start my car with an expired license. Personally, I find this obsession quite odd because half the shit in our pantry and fridge is stamped with dates that have expired quite some time ago. Go figure!

Go figure THAT one out. I won’t drive with an expired license, but I’ll put expired food items into my body. BTW, I tasted this expired milk this morning and it’s fine. The expired cream cheese was never opened until today. It’s also fine!

Bonaparte sent a check to pay the for this renewal fee. The Department of Transportation then sent me another bit of documentation which allowed me to proceed to our local Department of Motor Vehicles location so that I could have my photo taken and an updated license would be issued.

So far the procedure sounds pretty simple. Right?

It should be. But it isn’t. DMV rules and regulations for a driver’s license vary from state to state.

When I moved from New York to New Jersey, the process of attaining my license was the worst experience I had ever gone through. I had to take the written test over.

Actually, it was my fault that I had to take the written test over because I was supposed to switch my NY license within 90 days of the move. I waited over a year!

And the stress of actually knowing and comprehending the rules of the road made me physically ill. I despise tests. After months of practically memorizing the New Jersey manual, I aced the test. It was time to move on to the vision test. Obviously by looking at my crossed-eyes it’s obvious that corrective lenses are needed. When I lived in New York, I was able to be tested wearing my eyeglasses.

I failed the NJ vision test. Those bastids actually made me take my eyeglasses off to take the test!

Not so in New Jersey. I failed. The powers that be would NOT give me a license unless I had a note from the eye doctor. The rest of that day was spent scrambling around town—a town I was new to– trying to find an optometrist who could spare a few moments to see me. Minutes before the DMV office closed, I was able to attain the coveted little piece of plastic that proved my value as a New Jersey driver. Don’t even—there’s so much more that I can say but I won’t.

When I moved from New Jersey to Pennsylvania, I was almost crippled with stress knowing that I would have to switch my driver’s license yet again. I believe I had a few Zoloft pills swimming around in the bottom of one of my purses to keep my anxiety at bay.

And might I add relieves stress due to dealing with the Department of Motor Vehicles!

Although Pennsylvania’s rules were a bit kinder—there was no testing, the experience was just as stressful and angst-ridden. I decided to have this switch done at the DMV location closest to where I was working at the time. In Norristown, PA. My boss told me to “take the rest of the day off” as I left to take this task on. I believe I left the office at around 10:30 in the morning. I told my boss that I would be returning to the office after this chore was completed.

When I arrived there was a line out the door and around the building. It never occurred to me that this was normal. I thought something horrible happened. As I approached the line, I asked someone what was wrong. He laughed and explained to me that this particular DMV office was always this crowded.

Yes. The line at the Norristown DMV’s License Center was almost as bad as this line at another DMV.

Three-and-a-half hours later, I was back in my car and understood completely why I was told to take the remainder of the day off. There was no way to function normally after that experience. I drove home and drank heavily. Looking on the bright side, I didn’t have to suffer through a vision test—and the way many Pennsylvanian’s drive, I would say maybe it’s time for PA to make a vision test a necessity when switching or renewing a driver’s license!

This was pretty much what I looked like after spending half a day at the DMV. The only difference was that I didn’t smoke.

I vowed never to set foot in that particular DMV location again.

Four years later, it was time to renew my Pennsylvania license. This time I chose a location close to where Bonaparte and I were living at the time. A little branch of the DMV in a strip mall in Malvern, PA

Since I didn’t want to take advantage of my boss’s good graces by taking another afternoon off, it just seemed more practical to have the renewal done on a Saturday morning. This location was conveniently opened on Saturday.

This really wasn’t the brightest of ideas. The parking lot was jammed packed with cars—and not for shoppers to the other stores in the strip mall. I would find that most of the cars had the drivers squished into the DMV—packed like sardines in a small can that smelled of rotting oil. Yeah. The ventilation in the small building wasn’t that great. And when people get stressed, the effects of their deodorant quickly wear off. And there were a lot of stressed people.

This is a common scene at the DMV on a Saturday. What a way to spend the day.

I had no happy pills either. Bonaparte made sure that they had been flushed down the toilet. At least our plumbing was joyously cheery!

This was no way to spend a warm, sunny early spring Saturday morning. At least the wait wasn’t as long as the one four years prior had been. THIS was a mere two-and-a-half hours.

So you can see how I wasn’t looking forward to returning to the DMV to complete my license renewal process. It can literally drive you crazy!!

I would rather go through the birthing process again. Three more times. And I gave birth to a ten-pounder! Naturally! Without drugs! OK?
I would rather watch paint dry.
I would rather go to the dentist and get a cavity filled without receiving an injection of Novocain first.
I would rather take a pick and chip at my tooth myself to dig that cavity.
I would rather go through the procedure of the night before a colonoscopy

Picture of a dental anesthesia before the treatment

Getting my teeth filled WITHOUG the Novocaine needle would be more pleasant than spending time at the DMV. I’m not kidding either!

Yes. I would rather do all of the above than have to spend hours at the DMV!

I was trying to figure the right time to go about this. As luck would have it, I had a job interview set for yesterday morning. Late in the morning at 11:00AM. I figured to kill two birds with one stone. I made sure that my ensemble businesslike for the interview and my hair and makeup would be camera ready. Trust me; I’m the queen of lousy license and passport photos. The photo is never “clicked” at the right time.

My license and passport photos look very similar to this. Why can’t they just let me take a selfie?

In addition, I made sure my phone was loaded up with juice because it was important to be able to while away the many hours of waiting between gaming and creative commenting on Facebook!

I’m on level 305 of Soda Crush. Even if I had to spend the day, I wouldn’t get past this level–it’s difficult!

The interview went ok. It wasn’t the best. It wasn’t the worst. It just was.

But—the good thing is that the office where my interview was held was close to the Malvern location of the DMV. I could do some shopping at the dollar store afterwards—if it was still opened.

My heart skipped a beat as I approached the DMV. In fact, I thought it was closed. There wasn’t a mob scene. When I opened the door and entered, there was no scent of sweat and stale body odor. There were only four people waiting!

There were no lines. No sign of humanity. I thought it was closed. Do you like the product placement of the Goodwill store sign?

This was at 11:45 in the morning! Virtual emptiness!

Look at these empty seats! I thought I was dreaming!

Can you believe it? At first I thought I stepped in to an episode of “American Horror Story” and someone would come after me with a knife!

My only issue was the photograph. I had my pose all set. When I was sitting down, I looked up at the camera so as to give the appearance of a longer neck and smoother jawline. Very coquettish, if you will!

Unfortunately my eyeglasses gave off a glare so I had to look down. The result is a photograph I’m not crazy about. Jowls and puffiness galore. Who cares? I was in and out in fifteen minutes!!

Well, at least I’m an organ donor! The lighting on that pic is horrific. The DMV needs filters for the photos. Should I write to them requesting this?

One of the workers mentioned that it was an exceptionally slow day. I almost leapt with joy when I heard that.

What he said made me realize something. Timing is everything! My job search had me so discouraged that I almost cancelled the interview. But—having the interview was the push I needed to get to the nearby DMV to finalize my license renewal. And if I didn’t have that interview at precisely 11:00 AM, the timing of my visit to the DMV would have been slightly off.

It is so true timing IS everything!

And as I exited the DMV, a stream of people entered, validating my thought that timing is everything.

Chances are I won’t be called back for a second interview due to my age. But that’s the norm these days. On the other hand, I feel safer and more relaxed to know that I won’t be driving around any time soon with an expired license.

Life is good.

Let’s give a hand or two to celebrate life’s good timing!

Speaking of license photos—Ringo and “Photograph”. You’re welcome. XOXOXOX!!

Posted in Good Timing, Stress at the DMV, The woes of the DMV | Tagged Renewing the Driver's License, Timing | 30 Comments

Dear President Obama. May I Offer A Critique?

Posted on March 4, 2016 by Catherine

NOTE: I try to keep politics out of my posts. However, after observing many issues, I felt compelled to put my thoughts in a letter to our great President. I have always supported him and continue to do so. He has had struggles as our POTUS and overall he has done many great things–there are just a few critiques that I have. Read on and you may agree or disagree but I welcome your thoughts because I truly desire a country united of her people! Thanks and I hope to have given you food for thought! XOXOXOXO!

Our President looks so much more relaxed when he is smiling!

Dear President Obama,

I am writing this letter to you to give you my honest opinion on the last eight years that you have been the leader of our United States of America. You will be delighted at some of what I have to say and you may not be delighted at other things I have to say, but what I have to say will give you food for thought.

Since I voted for you twice, I feel that as a citizen of our country, I’m validated in my opinion.

First of all, I realize how difficult it must have been for you to enter into a presidency to clean up the mess that was left to you. That cleanup is still going to take years to finish. And I applaud you for saving the automobile industry. You saved many jobs and an important industry in our country. You also allowed parents to keep adult children up to the age of 26 on their medical insurance. Doing away with the “pre-existing” medical issues was another great act toward helping all fellow Americans.

In theory, “Obamacare” was great—but the execution missed points. I don’t blame you. I blame the republican congress and the fact that these people were and continue to sleep with medical insurance companies and the lobbyists who work for them.

I can attest that you definitely created jobs because I’ve been on a ton of job interviews and didn’t get any. Um—we need to talk. About “Ageism”. Call or email me.

You represented hope on so many levels.

I remember being in Paris just one month after you were sworn in for your first term. The French were incredibly happy that you were elected. They loved you. They, too, had hopes that you would bring people together.

So why did you fall short? I have a theory. I may be wrong, I may be right; I may be in the middle.

You were stymied by the Republicans. I realize that. But why didn’t you have the balls to fight them more aggressively? *Sigh* I know it isn’t your nature—you’re a laid back kinda guy—but you are the POTUS!! Man—you are supposed to be a LEADER! Threats of government walkouts. Spewing hate. You needed to rein these bozos in and call them out for what they are—hate filled individuals who care nothing about “we the people”—and you remained silent for the most part.

Your people skills—I have to tell you—they could be a little better. You made a huge mistake by not participating in the solidarity march in France after the Charlie Hebdo attacks. The Prime Minister of Britain, David Cameron, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy all joined François Hollande. Damn—even Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu joined together to show their solidarity. Where were you? The French loved you and rooted for you from afar. You couldn’t fly over there for a day? Come on. You have your own plane for crissakes!

But here’s the big one. I delusionally thought and believed that you were finally the link to bring the races together. I know. Stop laughing. I’m too delusional and idealistic!

You may be the first President to be a person of color and it’s a wonderful, wonderful thing. You are bi-racial. You represent the best of two races! You could have brought an end to racial tension. Seriously. I really believe that. I do.

The way things stand now. Black people don’t trust white people. White people don’t trust black people. We have groups that hate the police and groups that support the police. We now have separate “Lives Matter” groups. Let me tell you this. ALL lives matter. Nobody should be turned away from getting medical help or an education. Respect for everyone. I’m rambling….

Look, I’m not asking you to “embrace” your white side by any means. All you needed to do was recognize it. Just recognize the grandparents who raised you. You could have spoken more about your mom. (Although, it’s just like a son to ignore his mom when he gets older and independent—you are just like all the sons out there—black, white, bi-racial, yellow, polka dotted—don’t get me, a mom, started!)

I feel you did an injustice to bi-racial people by not recognizing your entire roots. Look. Personal roots are important. It’s what our country is based on. We’re a melting pot. I’m second generation American. My “roots” are Irish and I identify with the Irish traditions my grandparents brought to this country. You have it even better because you have a great heritage. You have your African roots and European roots. How cool is that?

You are the melting pot of Presidents!!! You are every person!

And it’s cool that you identify more with your African roots than your European roots. That isn’t the issue.

The issue remains, for me, that you could have picked up where Dr. King left off.

Maybe it’s because I’m almost 61 years old and I see that life is short. In our lifetime, we need more kindness toward each other. We need to get along as a people. All races need to understand and respect each other. We need to learn more about each other.

We cannot hate. We cannot mistrust. We cannot bully nor can we hurt or murder or make anyone feel like less of a person because of who they are.

My heart and my spirit both hurt right now. I see the hatred and the racial maelstrom that has been created over the past few years. The situation looks dire. Wait a second. I have to get a tissue because I started to cry. (I’m very emotional)

Basically, I wanted to see race relations as one of those delicious Black & White cookies. The two races on the same dessert dish with each other. I thought that your two terms would bring visions of black and white people walking on the same side of the street, greeting each other with “Good Mornings” and “Good Afternoons” as they smile. And as they pass by give that hand motion of “I’ll call you”. You know, that motion where you mouth the words and point to yourself then pretend you have your phone to your ear and then point to the other person? I wanted that between races!

I wanted to see beauty products that both African American women and White women can use together! I wanted women of color and women devoid of color to get their hair done at the same salons! No segregation of beauty! (Hey. I am deeply shallow)

I just want a country racially united. Not divided.

You had the power to do this—and you failed. Why??????

Look at what’s going on now. Look at the hate spewed by the likes of Trump and Cruz and the rest of the circus. If any of these men become our next President, we will be a people divided. And it will be a situation so much worse than it is now.

How did our political system become hate based? Whatever happened to wanting the best for American people? What is going to happen to our country?

President Obama. It isn’t too late for you to go out and try to bring the two races together. Time may be of the essence but I still have hope.

You can never run out of hope and I am counting on you to step up to the plate as your one last task. (Well, that and finding someone to fill that empty seat in the Supreme Court). You have to try to bring everyone together.

You are our last chance.

Sincerely,

Cathe

PS–How does Michelle manage to make the best of J. Crew clothing? Jenna Lyons vision sucks and our First Lady wears J. Crew so much better! Michelle needs to write a style book. She rocks the clothing!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged President Obama. Mending race relations, Race relations. President Obama, Racial Issues 2016 | 25 Comments

This Old Lady Does The Drugstore Beauty Haul

Posted on March 3, 2016 by Catherine

I’m thinking of adding a regular feature about beauty for old ladies. (And please my besties. Please do not be insulted when I use the term “old ladies”. It is more a term of endearment and a slap in the face to those who are ageist! I AM an old lady—in the eyes of fashion and cosmetics industries as well as the media.) If you recall I recently wrote a beauty post of sorts for my date night with Bonaparte. But this time I wanted to concentrate on drugstore items exclusively.

I had an epiphany while looking through YouTube for beauty videos. Quite honestly, I was looking for videos about “older and mature beauty”—but incredibly helpful videos were few and far between.

Then I discovered EmilyNoel83. She isn’t old by any means. But—she isn’t a teenager or a twenty-something vlogs about their expertise when they’ve been wearing makeup for about a year or so. She is real. She is a former TV news caster and she knows beauty. Her insights and reviews are honest. She is incredibly detailed and explains product usage so well. She is also extremely diplomatic when something doesn’t work for her AND her tips are great for women of all ages.

Watch this video. I rediscovered CoverGirl Lip color! Isn’t she the greatest? What a personality!

I was inspired by one of her vlogs about overlooked drugstore products and drugstore hauls. After all—it’s been over a year since I had a steady paycheck. I have to “face” (get the pun? Hahaha I crack myself up!) the reality that I now have to prioritize my high-end cosmetics/beauty products. More and more, I’m exploring the drugstore cosmetics. I know I am not the only one in this situation. Lots of older women are on fixed incomes and that is no reason to have to give up all things beauty! Right???

Come on with me as this old lady has fun with some money-saving items. I’m not using any high-end products today and want to look nice because my girlfriend Mary Beth is coming over for lunch!

All the products used were drugstore items. I have my hair in rollers because my girlfriend Mary Beth is coming over and I don’t want my hair falling into the food while I prepare it. The rollers will also give my hair some 6-day volume!

something weird? When I was young, I couldn’t use Dove at all. It dried the bejeezus out of my face. NOW I’m old and my skin is naturally dry but Dove doesn’t bother me. Go figure!

Next I massaged Olay Active Hydrating lotion into my face. I waited five minutes.

Then I applied e.l.f. Mineral Infused Primer. At $6.00, this is a great, great bargain. Compared to Smashbox, e.l.f.’s primer is thirty dollars less—and does the same job. Waited another five minutes before applying the makeup.

Six bucks worth of special! I have quite a few high end face primers and this is just as good, if not better than a couple of them!

Today was the first day I tried the e.l.f. Eye Primer. I paid two bucks for it. I dotted it on my lids and around my eyes. I write this 10 hours after applying my eye makeup. It works like a charm!

This eyelid primer worked all day. ALL day. I took a pic of it on my hand for a better view. I have a cold and my eyes are so watery today. Ugh. I’m trying though!

You know how much I love my Bare Minerals “Well Rested” and I can’t live without it. Well—today I used e.l.f.’s Corrective Yellow Concealer. I was beyond pleasantly surprised when I opened this and saw that it was cream-based instead of powder. I applied with a small concealer brush and was delighted to see that the blue areas had been covered. This is definitely a great two bucks spent and I’ll be tracking down more of this.

This was another $2.00 well-spent. I do like the yellow because it really corrects the blueish tint in the corner of my eyes.

The shadow. You know, I’ve always thrown that little double-tipped sponge applicator that comes with drugstore eye shadow. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I purchased drug store shadow. But EmilyNoel83 gave some good advice in one of her vlogs. She said that those little applicators are great for applying shadow to the lid because of their small size. I’m glad I took her advice. Damned if this $2.00 palette wasn’t a great purchase!

In and out of the packaging. I like how the parts of the lid are imprinted. But–I ended up using the lid color to line the bottom of my eyes instead of the line color. It worked better for me.

I used three of the four shadows and followed the little imprinted instructions as to where to apply the shadow. Heavily pigmented and no fallout! And the sponge applicator worked like a charm to apply the color to my lid. The brown color to line eyes was a bit on the dark side for my bottom lid so I gently and very lightly lined the bottom of my eyes with the lid color. I rarely line my bottom lids anyway. I think it can make a “mature” eye look a bit rough so I usually keep it bare or just apply a bit of mascara. I blended, blended, blended and was pleased with the way the shadows looked.

Look how pigmented this shadow is. I had to blend a LOT!

I lined the bottom of my eyes with the lid color. I also used a small concealer brush to apply the shadow. I like the smaller brushes because they give more control.

Wanting a bit of a highlight under my brow, (BTW, I filled in my brows with a black eyeshadow), I multitasked Wet ‘n Wild’s Megaglo Illuminating Palette in 320, Catwalk Pink. This was purchased on a whim at the grocery store for $4.99 and boy, am I glad I made the purchase! I’ve been using this as a multitasking product. Applying it not only to my upper cheekbone for some illumination, but also under the brow as a highlight. It gives off a very nice but subtle glow. AND FORGET WHAT THE BEAUTY EXPERTS SAY ABOUT OLDER WOMEN SHOULD NOT WEAR ANY PRODUCT WITH GLIMMER. This has a bit of sparkle and glimmer and it looks fine! In fact, I think I heard my wrinkles say “Thank You” to me!

This $4.99 illuminating powder is great. I use the far left and far right colors as highlighting shadows. There are quite a few uses for this palette. This will definitely be a repurchase. As an aside, Wet ‘n Wild also has a GREAT bronzer!

Did my lashes with Maybelline’s Falsies mascara and lined with L’Oreal’s Lineur Intense felt tip liquid liner. I paid around $8.00 at Walmart for this liner and I’m on a repurchase. This has a very thin felt tip and the product doesn’t dry out. I’ve tried Sephora’s house brand felt-tipped liquid liner and was disappointed in it. At $14.00 the price was high for me. I don’t like spending money on eyeliner at all. And the Sephora brand dried out very quickly. My first Lineur Intense lasted forever and for the price point, this liner is a great buy.

This liquid felt-tipped liner by L’Oreal is a great buy and better than high end liners!

e.l.f.’s $6.00 Flawless Finish Foundation was next. I’m still fascinated by this foundation. Currently, I have three high-end foundations at my makeup desk. I love them all. But I have to tell you—this foundation blows my mind. The color, porcelain, works so well on fair skin and the texture is nice and smooth. And it lasts! Look. I took it off to show you. It’s now 5:00PM. I put my makeup on at 7:00 this morning. Look how much came off on the pad! This is good shit!

Six Buck foundation and it is worth every cent and much, much more!

I KNOW–this is gross. But I wanted to show you that this foundation, along with my other makeup lasted all day! These inexpensive cosmetics DO have staying power and that’s great if you are a lazy slob like me. I never touch up during the day. Too much work for me!

I applied with my “Real Techniques” beauty blender sponge. Chippy ATE my expensive Beauty Blender. He made a meal out of the entire thing. I had a suspicion when I couldn’t find it—and when Bonaparte took Chippy “out” the other day I was questioned with why pieces of a pink sponge were mixed in with his “waste”. I guess Chippy has expensive taste. Proof to me that less expensive is better. Hopefully he won’t acquire a taste for Real Techniques.

Let’s hope Chippy doesn’t eat THIS sponge!

After applying with the sponge I buffed with a brush. I find that with the “older more mature” skin, foundation looks better with a final buff—it buffs any possible cakeiness away.

Here’s where I prioritize. I used this IT cosmetics brush to buff my foundation. The brush was about thirty dollars; and like mixing high end with lower end cosmetics, I do the same with brushes. No falling bristles and it cleans up well.

NYX cosmetics came out with a highlight and contour palette. I happened to see this a while ago at Wegman’s for $18.00. Kind of pricey for a lower-end cosmetic line but it’s good. This is especially good for beginners. Listen to me. I spend almost fifty bucks on the Marc Jacob’s highlight and contour powder duo and I love it—but this palette by NYX is far less expensive and the powders are just as finely milled. I used the yellow for highlighting and the taupe for contouring.

If you are a beginner at contouring, THIS is a great and inexpensive palette to try. The colors don’t have intense pigmentation–and when contouring that is a GOOD thing. I used the yellow to highlight and the taupe color directly underneath to contour.

I also used my trusty NYX Wonder Stick for a bit more of a contour. I love this stick so much—it’s looking pretty nasty from overuse! I blended in like a madman.

I also did a bit more contouring with this Wonder Stick. I swear by this one. It’s $11.99. Personally, for the amount of product, I think it’s a bit pricey–but it’s just so darn great!! It is also less expensive than any high-end contour and the fact that it’s creamy is so much more appealing!

Now for some cheek color. E.l.f.’s All Over Color Stick in Pink Lemonade was the color of the day. I forgot how pigmented this is and first applied a bit heavy. I’m telling you, this little gem looks unassuming but it packs a punch of color. After blending it into my cheeks I swiped the Megaglo Illuminating powder over the top cheekbone. This works just as well as my very expensive Guerlain Meteorites. The only difference is that Megaglo has more of a tint where Meteorites goes on tint-free.

Holla! A Dolla! Yeah A buck for this. It is incredibly pigmented so go lightly!

Lips. Oh. The lips. Thank you Emilynoel83. She helped me rediscover CoverGirl Outlast All Day Lip color. Oona used to wear this lip color years ago when she was competing in Irish Dance. She loved this lip color because it stayed put all day and didn’t rub off on her expensive dance dresses! To tell you the truth, I’ve been somewhat dismayed with lipstick in general. It bleeds. The color fades. And the price point for the staying power usually sucks. I happened to see this at Ulta for $7.99 and purchased Number 550, Blushed Mauve. This is a two part application. First the lip color is applied in a thin coat. Then the balm is applied over it. First of all, the color was great. Secondly—this stuff didn’t move. It stayed on through lunch and then some. I picked up a second one for backup. Now I understand why this has been around for years—but I’m surprised it isn’t more popular. Honestly, if you see this lip color while you are out and about—pick it up.

This is a two-step application but the end result is a color that lasts all day. See how liquidy it is–and the color is just so pretty!

Isn’t the color great for everyday?

That’s about it. It’s funny, but I used to be somewhat snotty about buying drug store cosmetics. Now they are a large part of my cosmetics and beauty product collection.

The old lady cleans up nicely. Now I gotta get dressed!

I guess you CAN teach an old dog new tricks!

I heard this song earlier today and it brought back such great memories. Remember the song “Bus Stop” by The Hollies. Isn’t it great?

Posted in ageism, Beauty for Baby Boomers, Beauty for Older Women, Cosmetic Brushes, CoverGirl Lip Color, Elf Cosmetics, Elf Flawless Finish Foundation, EmilyNoel83, hair styles for older women, L'Oreal Eyeliner, Makeup for Older Women, NYC, NYX Highlight and Contour, Olay, Roller Sets, Stylish Older Women, Well-Rested, Wet n Wild cosmetics | Tagged Drugstore Cosmetics and beauty, mature beauty | 29 Comments

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Stayin’ Awake. Stayin’ Awake. Atypical60 Looks at the 2016 Oscar Awards!

Posted on March 1, 2016 by Catherine

Again, I’m late to the party. Upon our return from DC, I sat down and watched, not only the entire Oscar ceremony; but I surfed various pre-Oscar “Red Carpet Event” shows. I was expecting excitement, titillation, and some politically incorrect bombs to be dropped. I was also expecting to be “wowed” by glamorous gowns, perfect makeup and coifs to die for. Oh. I was also anticipating seeing OLDER actresses parading around in their entire mature splendor.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I wanted to see trashy, slutty, classless dresses–the overzealous bling. I didn’t expect to see that Amy Poehler used the fabric from an Oriental inspired curtain to make a gown. Was she channeling Carol Burnett?

Actually, Burnett’s ensemble looked better!

For the most part, Oscar night was an epic fail. A snooze fest if you will. But one I stayed awake for. Thank you, Oscar, for causing weakness to my immune system. And now, because of you, I’m sitting here with watery eyes, a runny nose, a sore throat and the beginnings of one bad-ass cold.

I will be drinking a Hot Toddy for dinner this evening, followed by a dessert of NyQuil.

THESE should have been my Oscar buddies. Maybe I wouldn’t be so sick now!

*Sigh* I’m rambling so please–allow me start by saying what I enjoyed most about this year’s Oscar ceremony.

Chris Rock. He rocks. He was funny and charming. And he delivered. He addressed the diversity issue with humor and without bitterness. I love him.

Too bad Chris Rock didn’t have more air time while hosting. Love the “white” jacket!

I also loved that Chris Rock is a great humanitarian. He obviously realized that the seats of the ceremony would be filled with young actresses, starlets and actress wannabees on the arms of older actors. He knew those women most likely hadn’t eaten in days, weeks, months and would be literally starved for both attention and morsels of food!

That’s right Olivia. Keep that mouth opened and have your boyfriend force feed you. You got too skinny!

Olivia. You’re so pretty but you looked better when you were more filled out. Eat those Girl Scout cookies as if you were a Hoover vacuum cleaner girlfriend!

And so, he sold Girl Scout cookies. No wonder he raked in over 65 grand!!!! OMG. The lines at the ladies room when the ceremony was over must have been a mile long. Just imagine all those women bending over the toilets with their fingers down their throats to bring back the sweet taste of those tossed cookies once again.

Thank you for feeding the poor of spirit Chris. I shan’t forget your philanthropic gesture! I love you.

I also enjoyed:

Saoirse Ronan. Her green gown and mismatched earrings made her THE best dressed of the evening. Oh. And I also found out her middle name is Una. Same name as my daughter, but with a different spelling! She was the youngest Best Actress nominee and she was the best dressed. Saoirse was the only one to carry off that dopey plunge in a great-fit and color of a dress!

She’s perfect! This shade of green and the mismatched earrings are a beautiful and different combo. Thank you for not being boring!

Leonardo Di Caprio’s win for best actor. It is always great to see an actor who has made the transition from child star. It is even greater when he remains grounded and humble. And—oh what a son; his mom was his date!

It was great to finally see Leo win. And to think he got his big break on the sitcom “Growing Pains”. I was even able to overlook that he said “my” team–because I’m sure he meant his cheerleading team!

Angela Bassett’s tribute to Black History Month after that awkward appearance of Stacy Dash.

Awkward!!!

The beautiful and gorgeous 57-year old Basset introduced Black History Month Minute. I want to know why there aren’t more roles for Angela Bassett. She needs go get on board the ageism revolution!

NOT Awkward! Just funny and we get to see the beautiful Angela Bassett!

What I found uneventful/boring/snoozefestish: All the Oscar-nominated songs. Every year, we, the home audience is seemingly punished tortured with about twenty minutes worth of bad songs. Those twenty minutes could be better spent shaved off and we can all get to bed a bit earlier. I need my beauty sleep, you know. Besides; that’s what the Grammy’s are for—watching the performances. Don’t get me wrong. I love Lady Ga-Ga and I am fully aware of the emotional message of the song she sang. But I’m tired with the same old, same old. Oscar nominated songs = Disney Elton John. I want the Tumbleweed Connection and Madman Across The Water Elton John back.

I love Lady GaGa. I really do. But the song, along with this outfit, just didn’t make the cut! BTW I’m tempted to draw cat eyes on her boobs and cat whiskers across her waist. What was she thinking?

The Red Carpet: I’ll admit. Robin Roberts, another fifty-something woman, looked fabulous! In fact, she gets my vote as second best dressed at the Oscars. But the dumb ass questions all the entertaining reporters ask. Man—if I was reporting on the red carpet I would ask the following–

Reporter Robin Roberts looked better than 99% of the stars! This 55 year-old woman ruled the red carpet! Classiest dress of the evening!

To Julianne Moore: Do you get fillers in your face? I mean, you really, really look incredibly young. Come on. What is your secret? I don’t care about your dress because you never get the dress right. I want the deets on your hair and makeup. Are you besties with Tom Ford? Can you tell him to lower the pricing on his cosmetics line?

She HAS to have fillers. Look at that neck. Look at that face. I need to ask her so many questions….

I also need to know why her BFF Tom Ford has such an overpriced cosmetics line. So unfair to poor women like me!

To Rooney Mara: Why do you always look like you are auditioning for “The Walking Dead”? Do you know how to smile? Why do you always look so miserable? Do you realize how many unemployed actresses are waiting tables right now and would jump at the chance to be here—they would be grinning from ear to ear—does that make you feel better?

Seriously. A smile wouldn’t hurt her. It just may make Rooney Mara look a bit more alive!

To ALL of the women: Do you ever eat? If you do, what was the last meal you ate before sticking your finger down your throat? Do you like your prune juice heated up or room temperature?

Other random questions: I don’t see panty line—are you wearing panties? If you aren’t, what are you going to do if you fall down in those seven-inch heels? How are you going to get back up without exposing your origin of the world—especially since you have a slit in your dress up to your thighs!

What’s in your purse? Did you bring money with you in case you can’t find your limo after you go to one of the parties and get drunk and have to call a cab?

If you didn’t wear underwear what are you going to do if you laugh too hard and spring a little bit of a pee-pee? Or worse, what if you shart? Did you have moist towelettes in your purse?

Have you ever tried to keep the free attire that has been “loaned” to you? Have you ever spilled something on it so you could keep it?

Have you ever made an attempt to steal the jewelry that has been loaned to you?

Would you donate your gift bag to the poor—and keep the goodies in the bag when you donate it?

Can I have your gift bag?

Have you ever had bad thoughts toward your fellow nominees?

Why do actors and actresses who win awards refer to all the people who worked on the film as “MY” team? Who are you to think that you are that important? Will you ever get over yourself?

I cannot believe that I gave up watching the third episode of “Vinyl” to watch The Oscars.

Poor Olivia Wilde. She doesn’t look too happy here. I guess she was upset that she couldn’t be home watching herself on Vinyl. Or she was afraid that her boobs would pop out with one false move. Or she was just pissed that she didn’t get a word in because Sacha Baron Cohen as Ali G didn’t give her the chance to talk!

I cannot believe the absence of older women on camera. What a disgrace.

(Photo by Todd Williamson/Getty Images)

Charlotte Rampling was a beautiful example of a stunning older woman. Why weren’t there more like her photographed? Why weren’t more women like her in movies???

And what about that, Alicia Vikander, who snagged the best supporting actress award? I’ll admit—she’s a good actress. In fact, she was great in “A Royal Affair”. But to say “MY team” in your acceptance speech. Get over yourself. It’s a supporting actress award. You very well could be a one-trick ponytail!

Little miss thingy was a bit full of herself by referring to the crew as “MY” team. The bottom of her dress looks like the cloud bread that I make….

Maybe the inspiration for her dress WAS a cloud bread!

I dunno. Maybe in the Academy’s mind, there was a lot of diversity displayed. Alicia Vikander, a Dane won best supporting actress.

Sam Smith, a gay man won for best song.

And BTW, I like chunky Sam better than “I-Need-A-Box-of-Girl-Scout-Cookies” Sam. And the song was boring.

Alejandro González Iñárritu, a very handsome Mexican, won the Oscar for best director.

Alejandro–you better hope Trump doesn’t become President. He won’t allow you to make any more films!

Ennio Morricone, an Italian won for the best film score.

I’m so sure that The Academy thought they were so incredibly diverse that they probably gave Ennio a nice pizza backstage!

Jenny Beavan, a Brit, won for best costume design—and might I add, good for her for dressing in what made her feel comfortable!

Ok. So Jenny MAY resemble Steve Vilanch a bit. But that was no reason for people to give her disapproving glances (inset) at the Oscars. Good for her for dressing comfortable. Hey Jenny. I was wearing Old Navy PJ bottoms and a raggy tee while watching you. We’re practically twins!

In my mind—the diversity issue won’t be solved until the older population is represented. I want to see films about older people in love. I want to see humorous stories about older adults without the idiotic stereotypes. I want to see nude scenes with older adults. I want others to see an older body. It’s far better than having to look at senseless violence. And I want those older actors and actresses to be White, Black, Asian, wrinkled, flabby, with all the beautiful character of their imperfections. I want to see REAL special needs people in roles about special needs people.

And next year, I want more entertainment out of the Oscar ceremony. I want trash and over-the-top bling. I want inappropriate behavior and political incorrectness.

Well, I’m going back to bed. And I’m going to catch up on pure silly, campy, delicious FUN. I’m gonna go watch “Vinyl”.

Here’s a song that SHOULD have been nominated for an Oscar in 1977 and wasn’t. It was Oscar worthy–The Bee Gees “Stayin’ Alive”!

Posted in Oscar Fashions, Oscar Fashions. Oscar Diversity. Skinny-ass actresses, Oscars 2016, Uncategorized | Tagged Oscars 2016 | 29 Comments

A Weekend Getaway! The One Night Micro-Mini Vacation!

Posted on February 29, 2016 by Catherine

Every now and then Bonaparte and I like to take a little weekend trip. To be honest with you, we haven’t done this in a while. Our last weekend “trip” was to Paris (Jesus, I sound like a pretentious asshole and I really don’t mean it like that) but it was for a funeral.

With my never-ending job search and depression hovering over me, Bonaparte decided it was time to, once again, hit the road and get away for a little weekend overnight micro-mini vacation.

We drove down to DC!

Oh yeah, baby! I LOVE our visits to DC. It’s actually one of my favorite places to spend time. Funny though–because so many of my conservative friends call me an “America Hater”. That’s just not true. I love my country so much that I call it out on it’s issues!

We’ve been visiting our Nation’s Capital for quite a few years now. We started when Oona was attending University of Maryland. It was a convenient way to visit her and have fun on our own.

It’s been a while since we visited my little Terp, Oona at University of Maryland! Last time at the University was at her graduation almost five years ago.

Our stopovers at U of MD may have ceased, but our routine continues to remain pretty much the same:

Saturday morning, I got ready. I applied my makeup and packed enough for a touchup and for a light application the next morning. Quite honestly, I bring more toiletries with me than clothing— even if it is just overnight!

I got dressed and wore the same clothing for our dinner out. I don’t like getting super dressed up when we are on a relaxing overnighter. Dark wash skinny jeans, a sweater and my ever- dependable J. Crew Schoolboy blazer.

I am loving the GAP 1969 Stretch Skinny jeans because I can still fit my fat ass into an 8. I’m also glad that I have multiple Schoolboy Blazers in various sizes. With the heavy Sweater ( from J. Crew Factory) my Schoolboy in a size 10 fits much more comfortably. The boots are from a few years back–from Nordstrom.

I packed a change of clothing for the next day and my Old Navy PJ bottoms and a tee shirt for our time in the hotel room.

Next day outfit. Old Navy Rockstar Jeans (these are incredibly comfortable), J. Crew Perfect shirt from about four years ago and the tried and true and DISCONTINUED J. Crew Schoolboy blazer!

We dropped Chippy off at PetSmart’s pet hotel. It’s good for him to spend time with his doggie buddies and the staff knows and enjoys him.

We stayed, as always, at our favorite hotel in Falls Church, Virginia. The Marriott. And we plan our getaways only when the hotel has the special weekend rate. At $89.00 we get a great room and a breakfast included. Free Wi-Fi is available for 24 hours and that is all we need.

This room was great. The bed was so comfortable and as soft as a cloud. We slept very well!

The location into downtown DC is fantastic. In moments we are in Georgetown to enjoy a bit of shopping and dinner at our favorite restaurant—Le Bistro Francais! We’ve been coming here for years now and the food is always consistently good. Great French cuisine at an affordable price. Bonaparte naturally orders Steak Frites and I always chose between the Rognons de Veau (veal kidneys. I LOVE offal) or the Steak Tartare.

Bonaparte and I love this restaurant in Georgetown…..

Yum! Veal kidneys. The only other place I can get these is at my home! I swear I could eat these once or twice a week.

We always stop at Dean and Deluca and J. Crew (my love/hate relationship with Crew will never end).

Dean & DeLuca–all the food is so delicious. And ridiculously overpriced. Wayyyyyyy overpriced…

…but is still so much fun to browse and comparison shop. Look how pretty these spices are displayed…

..and their chocolates are just as beautiful. But I think it may be time to replace the Valentine’s Day hearts with chocolate Easter eggs and bunnies!

This time around I picked up a pair of the original style Pixie Pants. Since my weight loss is working at an incredibly slow pace (5 pounds in two months. I’m dismayed and disgusted), I had to go up a size to a 10.

Yeah. My “original” Pixie Pants are wearing out after many years. I just had the hook & eye replaced by the tailor. I’m sure that any day now Jenna Lyons will decide to discontinue these great fitting and long-wearing pants and replace them with some sort of fugly flimsy substitute.

I was so disgusted with myself that I ended up happily going full-on gluten and during dinner had multiple slices of the most delicious crusty bread! It tasted so good! I didn’t stop there. I went full-on glutton and had chocolate mousse for dessert and it was spectacular!

A walk back to the car and a drive around downtown winded up the evening and back to the hotel to relax for the remainder of the night.

It’s funny. I’m really not a breakfast person. I enjoy my morning coffee but if I eat a big breakfast I feel too full. But there is just something special about this first meal of the day when you are away. I love the breakfasts at this Marriott because I always order the same thing. Egg white omelette with mushrooms, spinach and feta. Bonaparte always has scrambled eggs, sausage and bacon. It fuels us up for our Sunday activities.

I love me a good, strong cuppa cawfee and this hotel delivers….

I enjoyed this egg white omelette with spinach, mushrooms and feta cheese. Roasted mushrooms added to the enjoyment!

After breakfast, we checked out and visited The National Gallery. The selection of art in this museum is astounding and it is completely free of charge. It is a truly inexpensive way to enjoy the beautifully curated pieces of art.

The National Gallery of Art is one of my favorite museums ever. ALSO–if you arrive early on Sunday (it opens at 11:00 AM), street parking is readily available!

We started our museum visit in the Dutch and Flemish galleries. I LOVE this painting by Frans Hals “A Young Man in a Large Hat”. I would wear that hat. Yes. I would!

Rembrandt’s “Polish Nobelman” is another favorite. This is NOT my ex-husband!

I love Rembrandt’s portraits…

...and everyday scenes by the Flemish painters…

…especially the floral and fruit still life paintings. Look at the lighting. Isn’t it beautiful?

Rubens “Daniel in the Lions Den” is another great painting.

And, as always, it is always great to view the French paintings.

Jean-Louis David’s Bonaparte was watching over us! How appropriate–I had Bonaparte bookends to watch over me!

…and Fragonard’s paintings always put me into a happy place. I think “The Swing” is one of his most dreamy and ethereal paintings.

Fragonard’s “Visit to the Nursery” is another one that I love. Look at the expression on the dad’s face.

..and tell me that his “Girl Reading Book” didn’t influence Renoir!

Monet’s “Pont Neuf” brings back memories of….

Daniele’s apartment!! Look. I’ve circled the building where we spent so many visits over the years! It’s so cool that Monet painted it!

Watteau’s “Comediens Italiens” is another great painting…

..as Louis XIV keeps a watchful eye over everyone!

And Goya’s “Gypsy Girl” keeps a bemused eye upon all!

The fountain in the Rotunda looked so nice and Springy with the surrounding Azaleas!

They were even more beautiful up front. I happen to be a big fan of these azaleas displayed indoors because I didn’t have the threat of a bee stinging me looming.

The sunny skies and temperature were incredible too—65 degrees! Finally after a winter of crappy, grey, damp and dark weather, Mother Nature handed us a gift. People were out and about and genuinely seemed so happy to be enjoying a beautiful day.

It was a monumental day! Actually, a late February day was perfect for visiting because the summer crowds are gone!

Thank you Bonaparte, for taking me away for a fun little trip!

And that just about winded our little trip. I’m very grateful and thankful to Bonaparte in his attempts to make me feel better. It’s been a tough year for me, my hypochondria, anxiety, blah, blah, blah–so it’s just nice to be able to get away if only for a night. It makes me realize life is good!

I had a good laugh at this banner. With the way the Republicans are behaving at their debates–it isn’t “horray”–it is more of an embarrassment!

On this Monday morning, and since we were in the political headquarters of our nation, here’s some Steppenwolf—do you remember this? It is more powerful now–we need to listen to the lyrics now more than ever!

Posted in DC, Domestic Travel, Dressing for older women, Fragonard, Gap Jeans, Georgetown, Goya, J. Crew, Jean Louis David, Louis XIV, Monet, Rembrandt, Watteau | Tagged Travel, Travel in the USA, Weekend in DC | 24 Comments

A Weekend in DC and Now to the Oscars.

Posted on February 28, 2016 by Catherine

Whew! Bonaparte and I just got home five minutes ago from a weekend in DC. He wanted to get me out of the house so he swooped me away to our Nation’s Capital.

Anyway, I’ll be posting pictures. IF my phone loads them–I’m having issues.

But–I’m getting ready for some serious narcissistic behavior! The OSCARS are on this evening.

I’ve invented a drinking game. It’s called “How Narcissistic Can You Be”.

The spectators (you, me, anyone who watches this circus) get a bottle of their favorite booze. Place shot glasses next to the bottle of booze.

For EVERY PERSON THAT IS THANKED by actor or other narcissistic Hollywood self-centered individual, take a shot! That could mean a serious hangover tomorrow.

In honor of this event I’m posting two links. The first–in honor of Spike’s and Jada’s Oscar Boycott. I wrote this post last month. Jada and Spike!

The second: My post from last year about the Oscars. The outfits and more! Let me just say this. I want Leonardo DiCaprio to win but that guy who won for that imbecile movie “Birdman” last year, better not win again. I’m still upset that “Boyhood” didn’t win.

I carry a strong grudge!

But I have to give you this song by the Kinks–it’s so fitting of The Academy Awards–Celluloid Heroes!!

Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments

Hot Mess Mommy- True Tales From the Dark Side

Posted on February 26, 2016 by Catherine

A couple of days back, my friend Anne posted a Buzzfeed video on Facebook. This particular vignette looked at the different types of mommies in today’s culture.

This video is so funny–but so incredibly spot on about different kinds of mommies!

Things haven’t changed much since my own mommy days. I saw myself as a cross between the PTA mom, (after all I was a “PTO” Queen during the years when Roman and Oona attended middle school) and the Hot Mess Mom. Mostly, I was a Hot Mess Mommy!

Never perfect. Never proper. A bit of a misfit. But I got the things done. I was that mom. A bit weird but the one who didn’t mind having a houseful of kids to entertain. I was the one who would bake the goods at the eleventh hour to bail out the mom “who didn’t have time” or who simply forgot.

I also had parties for the neighborhood dogs. Trust me only a hot mess mommy would dare to venture into that territory. Things can get rather messy!

When nobody else volunteered to create and sew 50 “flags of the countries”, I’m the one who stayed up breaking night, drinking coffee and cursing myself for taking this nearly impossible task on. And yet I managed to have those flags completed in record time. They may have looked a bit messy close up, but from afar—they didn’t look half bad.

Twenty years later and I’m STILL amazed that I was able to complete this feat!

….and that little video also brought back to mind an incident that happened back in 1996. A TRUE incident! For your reading pleasure…..

As the school bus stopped in front of the house and beeped for the kids, I literally shoved them out the door gently kissed them bye-bye, smiled and sent them on their way. I had more important issues to take care of.

My roots needed to be retouched. Not wanting to spend the time at the local hairdresser because I found it rather difficult to deal with any of the “perfect” local moms, I took it upon myself to take matters into my own hands. I did my roots.

This was also pre-menopause—when I had an incredibly full head of hair and “the change” hadn’t thinned out the hair on my head and replaced it upon my chin or up my nose.

Me back in 1996. In my happy place–the kitchen. Like my Mom Bob? Look closely though–behind that hot mess of a shirt lies a strand of pearls. I exude class and style–even as a hot mess!

My routine was simple. Color the roots, condition my hair, set my hair in big-ass rollers for about an hour or two, gingerly unwind each roller, blow dry the unrolled section of hair, roll my hair back up for a couple of hours, relax by playing a few rounds of Dr. Mario or Tetris, then take my glorious locks out of the rollers and get dressed.

Hey, who says stay-at-home moms sit on their asses doing nothing all day? I worked my fingers off to the bone playing Dr. Mario and Tetris. It was better than drinking!

This process usually ended just as the kids began to arrive home from school. Just in time for me to begin my real day of preparing dinner, helping with homework and driving to sports or other activities.

At about 9:30 AM, just as I completed the annoying task delightful job of rolling that last section of newly-dyed hair into my oversized roller, the phone rang. It was the Vice Principal of Bear Tavern School. (Yes. That was the elementary school that the kids attended. Best school name ever!)

A delightful school logo–a bear claw! The school is not named after a watering hole–the name comes from the road where the school sits. Bear Tavern Road.

He asked me to do him a favor. It appeared that a young student in the development that we lived in never showed up for school. As was the usual practice, if a child’s absence was not called in by a parent or guardian, the school would call the home or work number of the child’s parent to find out why the student did not show up.

In this case, the young boy’s mother commuted to NYC. When called, she freaked out because he should have been at school. Mind you—these were the days before every child aged sixteen months and older did not have an iPhone attached to their hands.

Panic ensued. Hot Mess Mommy here received a call from the Vice Principal because he knew that I was home and obviously realized I had nothing better to do.

He explained the situation and asked if I would drive over to the student’s home to see if he was there. I told him I would, but that my hair was in rollers because I just colored my roots and I wasn’t quite an acceptable presence. He didn’t seem to care. Actually, he probably didn’t believe me and thought I was trying to get out of any involvement with this debacle

I believe the Hopewell Valley Regional School District gave new meaning to “No Child Left Behind”.

Boy were these words literal!

I got in the car. It wasn’t really the fact that my hair was in rollers, but it was my complete ensemble. A tattered shirt, splattered with black hair dye, Old Navy pajama bottoms and no makeup made me appear like a hillbilly Walmart beauty contestant. At least the Bass Weejuns on my feet gave me that little “je ne sais quoi” of style and class.

This is a reenactment. Thankfully I STILL have these big-ass rollers. But I did drive to the school with my hair like this…

…and basically, my outfit looked similar to this. I believe in classic, timeless clothing that never goes out of fashion!

The only shred of dignity that emanated from my person was my Bass Weejuns. I told you I was a classic dresser!

As I approached the house, I saw a young boy sitting on the steps. I asked him his name and told him that the school was looking for him. He explained that he missed the bus and locked himself out of the house by mistake so he couldn’t call his mother. Quite honestly, I felt really badly for this little boy because I would never want something like that to happen to any of my own children.

I asked him if he had his lunch money and he didn’t. So I told him to get into the car and I would take him to my house and call the school.

Now. I don’t know about you or how you raised your kids, but I don’t think any of my children would have been too eager to jump into the car of a complete stranger of a woman who was cross-eyed, makeup free, wearing giant rollers in her hair and pajamas. Just sayin’. I wouldn’t have gotten into a car with me!

I took him back to my house and proceeded to make lunch for him. I’ll never forget—these were the days before gluten-free and food allergies so I didn’t have to ask if he had a “special” diet. I made a turkey sandwich on Wonder bread with mayo, threw in some Old Debbie snack cakes, and for the sake of being healthy, an orange. I also gave him money for a drink.

When I called the school to let them know that I had this child at my home, I naturally assumed that the Vice Principal would drive to my house to pick said child up. Ahhh. Nope! There were a few meetings scheduled for the administration that tied up his schedule. It was very kindly asked of me if I wouldn’t mind driving him to school.

With no time to finish my hair, put makeup or get dressed into normal clothing, the two of us, brave little boy and crazy-ass looking Hot Mess Mommy drove to school.

Hold on. It gets better.

Do you honestly think I would just drop this kid in the front of the building? No! I walked him in, hoping and praying that none of my kids would happen to be in the hall. When I walked into the office and dropped the child off, the entire staff stopped in awe at me because I was such a Good Samaritan, grotesque amazement at the sight of me.

Am I surprised that I didn’t receive the friendly welcome that I thought I would receive?

Their “thank you’s” were more the kind said when you are deathly afraid of someone who just may pull a gun on you.

To make matters worse, my daughter, Oona, showed up in the office just as I was about to make my exit. She was running an errand for her teacher and had her classroom “buddy” with her.

Poor Oona–she should have been traumatized for life after seeing me at school in my get up! Oh. She’s wearing a tee shirt from the Ryan School of Irish Dance feis!

I stopped dead in my tracks because, to me, it could have been the most embarrassing moment of my daughter’s life. Especially when her friend turned and said “Why is your mom dressed like that?”

Unfazed, Oona ran to me, kissed me and gave me a big hug and a smile. As she walked away I could hear her turn to her buddy and say “That’s my mom. Its hair dye day and she always looks like that on hair dye day. It’s what makes her look pretty!”

When I got back into my car, I cried. I didn’t cry because I was mess. I didn’t cry because of the embarrassment I could have caused my child. I didn’t cry because I wasn’t thanked in the proper and fawning way. I cried because no matter how I looked or what I did, my daughter still loved me for who I am.

No matter how imperfect I was or continue to be–I still have my babies!

Hot mess moms may not be perfect. Hot mess moms may be intimidated or sometimes envious of the perfect moms—because we will never achieve that level of perfection. Hot mess moms are the ones who let their kids eat junk every now and then. They are the ones who will put their appearance aside to help someone in need—they can be the ones that can always be counted on in an emergency.

Hot mess moms have it harder today than I ever did. Hot mess moms of today have to read about perfect blogger mommies—posting pictures of their perfect homes, perfect children and perfect lives. They have to deal with looking at all those Pinterest Pins of the perfect dishes and decorating skills. Hot mess moms have to work a bit harder but they just keep moving on and on!

So here’s to you, hot mess moms—because under that hot mess, lies a beautiful soul!

Here’s to you funky mommy! James Brown–“Hot Pants”!

Posted in Hot Mess Moms, humor, True Tales on the Mom Front | Tagged #Humor, Hot Mess Moms. Shit Moms Do | 26 Comments

HBO’s “Vinyl”. It’s Kind of Plasticky!

Posted on February 23, 2016 by Catherine

Always late to the party, I thought HBO’s new series, “Vinyl” was premiering Sunday night. I missed that by a week. But thanks to “On Demand”, we were able to watch three full hours of this new series created by Mick Jagger, Martin Scorsese, Rich Cohen and Terence Winter.

I swear to God, when I saw this print ad for Vinyl, I thought this was Anthony Bourdain. Actually, if Bobby Cannavale wasn’t available, Bourdain would have rocked the role as Richie Finestra. Bourdain was a bad, bad boy back then!

We all know who Jagger and Scorsese are. And for those who are wondering who Cohen and Winter are—well, Cohen is a writer and he is also a contributing editor to both Rolling Stone and Vanity Fair magazines. Winter created the great “Boardwalk Empire” series on HBO.

..and you know what? These two should have known better! They could have made “Vinyl” a lot more realistic!

When I saw the ads and trailers for Vinyl, I was so excited. I could not wait to revisit the early 1970’s—especially through the music I loved and continue to love and listen to. CCR. Led Zeppelin. Hendrix (RIP) Crosby, Stills and Nash, with and without Young—just to name a few. The 1970’s covered it all from classic rock to funk to disco. A musical mélange if you will!

Creedence. The greatest American rock group of all time…

Led Zeppelin. My apologies to the rest of the group, but Robert Plant’s hair deserves a photo of it’s own. If only my hair could fall like that naturally….life is sooooooo unfair–or rather unhair!!

With or without Neil Young, CSN was another great rock group.

Yeah. Even though he passed away in 1970, how come there was no Hendrix in the soundtrack? His music was still popular in the 1970’s. I feel your love Jimi. I feel your love.

I was in high school in 1973. I lived in New York. Long Island to be exact, but it was just a one-hour ride into The City, via the Long Island Rail Road, making it very convenient to attend rock concerts. Ahhhh. The Felt Forum and memories of The Kinks! The early Seventies!

I’m hoping The Kink’s ORIGINAL music makes it into HBO’s Vinyl. Two points that the band even got a mention!

Hold on. I can feel myself going off topic here. Back to Vinyl. I was eagerly anticipating this series because the music scene from that era is one that I can relate to. Besides that, with Martin Scorsese directing and Mick Jagger as one of the creators, Vinyl has to be a precise and authentic look back into musical past.

Richie Finestra (Bobby Cannavale, center) and his merry “band” of record company misfits!

Bobby Cannavale plays the lead of Richie Finestra. This is even more greatness.

Or is it?

I thought that the music would be in the front and the drama would be in the background. Instead the emphasis is on the drama with the music in the background. It’s a bit of a disappointment to me. Now I’m no TV or film critic—and I can only give my personal opinion on this series and we’re only into the second week. But my early thoughts are this:

Martin Scorsese all too often reaches into the darkest possible area and goes over the top with the drug thing. Quite honestly, I’m hoping that this series lightens up a bit. Vinyl is taking things a bit too seriously. Yes. We all know cocaine is a very, very bad drug. But not every snort is taken in a maniacal manner. The scene where Richie Finestra rips the rear view mirror off this car to do a line or three was a bit overly dramatic.

I don’t think many people would rip their rear view mirror out of an expensive Mercedes to do blow. He could have just bent down and used the seat!

Scorsese could’ve taken a lesson from Woody Allen. It’s more realistic.

A more realistic look at New York life in the 1970’s. And a sense of humor!

I love Bobby Cannavale. As an actor, he’s got a great face. He’s got a great gravelly voice and he’s just really good! But enough with the overly-exaggerated strung out, torn between-good-and-bad, I-need-a-hit, emoting. I honestly think Cannavale’s acting skills are undermined by his way too dramatic facial expressions.

This scene killed me. I can’t spoil but it was just not believable. Bobby is doing a great job emoting–isn’t he? His face says it all!

The period clothing. OK. I get that the Seventies didn’t exactly give us the best fashion looks. But when I saw Ray Romano, Max Casella and P.J. Byrne in their get ups, I started to laugh. It was almost like looking at an SNL skit. At least the clothing choices for Cannavale were more realistic.

I started to laugh when I saw the mutton chops. I started to puke when I saw the shit brown suit. Ugh.

..but I think the absolute worst was the shoes pictured above. Perhaps I was too much of a prepster in my Weejuns, but I don’t remember any man except pimps wearing shoes that bad. And I know how pimps dressed. I lived in NYC in the 1970’s!

The story. Richie Finestra owns a record company. American Century Records. The company is in the shitter and Richie, along with his partners is in the middle of selling the company to a group of Germans who own Polygram records. The Germans are straight outta “Inglourious Basterds”. Did I see a vision of Christoph Waltz?

Richie has a pretty wife, played by Olivia Wilde, who’s actually good in the role of Devon. She used to be one of Andy Warhol’s muses. She used to be wild. She’s tamed down. Devon drives with a pretend Karen Carpenter in her car. They have a nice home in Greenwich, Connecticut as well as an apartment in New York City.

Pretend Karen Carpenter. Aimee Mann provides the voice. Why couldn’t a REAL Karen Carpenter recording been used? (My thoughts have nothing to do with Mann–I like Mann a lot–but really?)

Olivia Wilde proves her chops in Vinyl. She’s pretty darn good as Devon Finestra!

It seems that Richie is on the wagon. In the premiere during flashbacks (there’s a lot of them—and not LSD flashbacks either) Richie and his partners are on a private jet and his partners are blowing coke and getting three young women to blow them. Richie thoughtfully declines and moves to another seat on the plane. First sign of his druggie struggle.

Ritchie also tries to make nicey-nice with a radio personality who threatens to boycott Richie’s musical artists. Andrew Dice Clay plays radio personality Frank “Buck” Rogers. Clay is amazing because I didn’t even realize it was him until I researched the cast! Anyway, Finestra’s involvement with Rogers leads to a very bad event. I will not spoil but I’ll just say Andrew Dice Clay is great!

I had no idea this was Andrew Dice Clay. He is amazing in this role as a slimy radio personality!

Are you following?

After this very bad event occurs, Finestra goes off the wagon. He drinks. And acts crazed. He does cocaine and becomes even more crazed. We get it already.

He goes on a bender downtown New York and catches (a make believe version of) David Johansen and The New York Dolls at a club that just happens to collapse. AND Finestra, in another dramatic scene, picks himself up from the rubble of a building that just fell on top of him and we see him limping, in the dark, from this dusty rubble.

A freakin’ BUILDING just fell on top of him. Is Finestra a superhero?

He has an epiphany after hearing The (faux) NY Dolls and being buried in the rubble.

This is a photo of David Johansen and the REAL NY Dolls. The ones in Vinyl were pretend. Sucks that Johansen is prettier than I am.

We also see, in flashback, how Finestra started in the business. He makes a Faustian bargain with a rather unsavory mob character for $150,000. In the meantime, Finestra fucks over the one musician he manages.

There’s a lot going on here—and I’m only into the second episode. It’s almost like a stew that has too many spices and flavors and nothing blends smoothly. The story is just—well, it’s just choppy! Nothing seems to flow in the right direction.

There is also a certain amount of cheesiness in Vinyl too. Mostly the emphasis on 1970’s fashion trends and NOT using the music of the original artist’s heard throughout the soundtrack.

I’m pissed at both the use of cover versions of songs AND the actual lack of music in this series.

Julian Casablancas covers Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground’s “Run, Run, Run”. He does very good job but it’s a cover version. Why couldn’t they dub Reed’s real voice?

Casablancas did the best “pretend” job in Vinyl. Still–I don’t know why Scorsese couldn’t mixed in videos of the REAL Reed.

Don’t even get me started with the portrayal of Robert Plant and Led Zeppelin! Surely it could have been done in a better way. Just who IS this Zebedee Row who was supposed to be Robert Plant? Ouch! I’m feeling very badly that the man of the heavenly locks was portrayed with such bad hair!

Yeah, Baby Baby Baby–this looks nothing like Robert Plant. Plant had better hair.

The REAL Robert Plant used a deep conditioner on those pretty locks. Maybe Jagger was jealous and miscast my Robert!

If I heard one more reference to Donny Osmond, I would have started to emote like Richie Finestra. I love mature Donny but I would hardly call him a serious rock star of the 1970’s. Bubblegum Pop star? Yes. Rock star? No.

I love me some Donny, but back in the early 1970’s I would hardly call him a rock star!

A cover of “Slippin’ Into Darkness” at Richie’s birthday party? What? You couldn’t get the original War version?

In case you ARE watching Vinyl, here’s the REAL version!

The Seventies was a time when music was going through so many changes. R&B was slowly morphing into Hip Hop. Classic Rock was being shoved into a corner by Disco. The frontrunners of Punk Rock were crawling like cockroaches out of the woodwork.

Actually, James Jagger is pretty convincing as the leader of a pre-punk group “The Nasty Bits”

James Jagger is actually very good as the leader of “The Nasty Bits”. He should be considering who is daddy is!

In the real 1970’S we had awfully sweet, horrific and saccharine shit like Starland Vocal Band’s “Afternoon Delight”.

Ugh. I think the real reason I may detest this song is because it reminds me of an old boyfriend!

James Taylor was hitting his stride.

1972. Carolina in My Mind

The Temptations went from songs like “My Girl” to the funkified “Papa Was a Rolling Stone”

Like the awful Bread song, I’m singing to Martin, Mick, Rich and Terrance “Baby I’m A Want You” to focus more on the music and give me more of the music and NOT cover versions of the 1970’s and focus less on the slippin’ into darkness of Richie Finestra’s demons. Make it about the entire industry.

Where were all the original versions of songs???????????????????????? Why were most of them cover versions? This is an issue that is really getting on my last nerve!

And add a little humor—Spinal Tap is a great film to watch to find your inner sense of the music industry’s funny stuff!

This is Spinal Tap had a humorous history. Maybe Vinyl should look for it’s happy place!

What I like the most, though, is that Vinyl gives a realistic look at New York City before the greed of real estate developers took over. I miss the grittiness of that New York. Rents were affordable and people were more real than they are now.

New York was better when THESE working girls roamed the streets…

…and when people who drove old cars like the ones above lived in NY! I had an old gray Dodge Dart that smelled like fish when the windshield wipers were turned on!

I’ll be watching the next episodes in hopes that it gets better because Vinyl has all the components of greatness but it is falling short. I really want to love this series!

Thoughts? Anyone else watching?

And because I’m BEGGING the creators of “Vinyl” to be more realistic–I’ve got Bread (No! NOT the kind you eat–you KNOW I’m off carbs!). “Baby I’ma Want You” (Which BTW I cannot STAND this song!

Posted in Bobby Cannavale, HBO's Vinyl, Mick Jagger | Tagged HBO's Vinyl, Music in the 1970's, Why Can't Series Get It Right? | 28 Comments

Old Lady Date Night. The Fugly Truth of Looking Humanly Beautiful.

Posted on February 21, 2016 by Catherine

Bonaparte and I celebrated a belated Valentine’s Day dinner last night at our favorite restaurant—Spring Mill Café. I covered the reason why we pushed back our dinner in my Valentine’s Day post. And, I’ll tell you all about our great dinner after I tell you how I got myself all gussied up!

I’ll tell you; it gets harder and more difficult these days to give myself that bright glow my face once had. It’s the fugly truth. A date night when you are older becomes more of a process to look humanly pretty or beautiful! But with a bit of work, it can be done. Cosmetics companies are so obsessed with youth that they forget about old ladies. We are left to our own devices to figure it out. I’m serious.

So how did I go from this?

Yup! THIS is the fugly truth! Wrinkled skin–oops, I just noticed a zit on my chin. Pimples are not ageist! Blotchalism–blotchy skin. Sparse brows. My freakin’ eyes are become more crossed with age. THIS is what 60 looks like without cosmetics or fillers. WTF am I smiling?

To this:

Sorry, but I had to snap this pic in the car on the way to the restaurant. Bonaparte was becoming very stressed that I was taking my time and I was unable to snap a pic of my “after” in the house. Oh well, the lighting in the car is more natural!

I’ll tell you.

First, of all, I pinned up my hair to achieve a nice wavy look. I haven’t blown my hair straight in over a year now. My hair is aging as is the rest of me. But, with less frequent washings, roller sets and air drying, I’ve learned to be friendlier to my hair and it’s looking better.

The Skin Prep

After washing my face with plain soap and water, I slathered Nuxe Dry Oil Huile Prodigieuse® on my face. This oil is fantastic. My skin is super-dry and it gives some nice moisture without feeling greasy and oily. It is also great for the ends of my hair. Seriously, this is a fantastic multi-purpose oil. If you shop around you can find a decent price for this.

If you shop around on the net you can get this for a good price. It’s a wonderful multi-purpose oil that isn’t greasy!

When the oil was saturated, I applied a coating (I sound like I’m frosting a cake—but hey, we old ladies are very sweet—am I right? We’re akin to cute little cupcakes!) Olay Active Hydrating lotion. This is dirt cheap—anywhere from $6.00 to $8.00 depending on where you shop—and is great old-school moisturizing lotion for the face.

This Maybelline primer is great for the money. I hope it doesn’t become discontinued any time soon. The Olay lotion–it’s a bargain and works well!

About an hour and a half before we left for the restaurant, I applied my primer. I use the Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Primer. It’s inexpensive and does the same job that higher-end primers do. I know this. I’ve purchased the high-end! Applying this about 15 minutes before you apply face makeup helps the makeup to cling better.

Over the primer, I applied plain, old-school Chapstick over the top of my mouth and on my crow’s feet to use as a blur. I realize that the ingredients of Chapstick are different from the blur products but for 99 cents a stick, the price point of Chapstick is fine by me. BTW, Chapstick is incredibly useful—you can glide it under your brows to give that area a nice sheen. I freakin’ love Chapstick!

Making Up the Old Lady Visage!

I wanted my eyes to look bright. Not because I would drink too much wine and become lit, but because I wanted to look awake while getting lit! My holy grail is Bare Minerals “Well-Rested”. I’ve written about this in the past and I’ve yet to come across any other product that does such a great job. It’s a powder but doesn’t draw attention to the wrinkles!

Check out the top photo–see how discolored the area around my eye is? Look at the bottom after I brushed Well-Rested on. It really DOES make a difference. I cannot live without this sh stuff!

Whenever I start to become low on my supply, I head to the mall to replenish. This is a holy grail for me.

Ugh. My eyebrows are a bone of contention with me. Long ago they used to be lush and thick and now they are sparse. The brows were filled in with an “IT” brow brush and Ulta’s “Blackout” eye shadow. I paid six bucks for the eye shadow years ago and haven’t hit pan yet. I like my brows a bit on the thick side but because I’m a giver, I’ll do them a bit thinner to please my Frenchman!

I’ve had this IT brow brush since the summer and have continued to use it every day. The eye shadow, as you can see, is old as dirt. I’ve had it forever but use it as a brow powder.

See. It does a good job filling in the eyebrows!

I always tightline my eyes with Urban Decay’s 24/7 Eye Pencil in Perversion. This is a great pencil because the product stays put.

My apologies for not taking a photo but my pencil is almost a nub!

Eyeshadow on the lids is next. I went with a couple of colors from the Urban Decay Naked “Smoky Palette”. What I love about the Urban Decay Naked Palettes is that the shadows are very pigmented and the choices offered are well-thought out. I’m a fan!

I went with “Smolder” in the crease of my eyelid, “Combust” on the eyelid and “Thirteen” under the brow. The liner is NYC Color liquid liner!

Liquid eyeliner. I have so many different liquid liners and used what I grabbed first. It happened to be the NYC Color liquid liner in black. I’m glad I stocked up on this when it was less than two dollars because the price has gone up over the years to almost three bucks. Talk about inflation!

The NYC liquid liner is in the middle. I’m telling you. THIS is a great inexpensive liner. Even with the higher price of almost three bucks, it’s still a fantastic value!

This is where I’m such a giver. I wanted to wear false eyelashes tonight but Bonaparte truly hates them. I applied a couple of coats of Maybelline’s “The Falsies” mascara. For a drug store, lower-end mascara, this mascara is excellent. It really makes the lashes nice and lush.

I have lots of different mascaras but as far as value goes, this low-end mascara is great…

See how lush this mascara makes the lashes of my crossed-eye look!

Face comes next—this is the most challenging for me. I’ve got blotchy skin and over the years I’ve noticed that little dark spots have formed. It’s all a part of aging. My freckles are great in the summer but during winter months—and when I go out, I want more coverage.

See the “blotchalism” up close? Dayum. I’m getting old lookin’!

The blending sponge gets nice and wet!

I’ve reviewed a couple of blending sponges recently, before I purchased the Real Techniques Blending sponge pictured above. Less than six bucks and this one is my absolute favorite!!!!

I used two foundations. Yeah. Plural on the foundation. I used both the Givenchy and Marc Jacobs foundations. Blended together the coverage is pretty good.

Call me crazy but I like to use the high-end stuff for date nights. I also like to blend my foundations to get just that right tone and coverage. I’m happy with these foundations because neither one gets cakey or dry looking.

Since it’s a special evening, I’m going with the highlight and contour. It’s always a good thing to make my face appear *cough* a bit thinner or sculpted. I bought this NYX stick a while ago and it’s unbelievably great for a beginner. Anyway, I can’t begin to tell you how much I am loving this NYX stick. It’s foolproof and incredibly blendable and the price—oy! I paid about ten bucks. I’ve written about this stick in a past post, and the more I use it, the more I like it.

I like this so much I went back to purchase a backup and it was sold out. It is now on my continuous watch!

Ouch!! The highlighter isn’t blended in yet. Don’t you get scared now. It’ll look better once it’s blended..

Highlighter blended and now time to blend in the darker contour. Look to the left!

Blush time! I’m so into cream blushes these days. I used IT Cosmetics Vitality Flush Color Stain Stick. It glides on nicely and isn’t clownish looking at all. It’s got a nice hint of color.

Oh God. The stick is pretty worn because I’ve worn this a lot. But seriously–this is a nice stick of color!

Glossed and ready to go! I used three colors on my mouth. NYX Butter Gloss in Peaches and Cream, IT Cosmetics Lip Serum in Love and topped it off with L’Oreal’s Le Gloss in 154, Watermelon Crush. I happen to like shiny gloss on my old lady mouth because gloss makes the mouth look a bit more plump.

I wore three colors. Left to right: IT Lip Serum in “Love”, NYX Butter Gloss in “Peaches and Cream” and L’Oreal’s Le Gloss in Number 154 “Watermelon Crush”

You know, when you’re younger you take what you have for granted. Then one day you catch a glance of yourself in a mirror and the reaction is “Holy Shit!! When did I become so OLD looking?” Am I right?? But with the magic of cosmetics, we can bring our best old lady face forward—and I sincerely wish the beauty industry would realize this. I realize I sound like a broken record but it’s true! We’re a large spending group and remain ignored.

Enough of my rant! I was going to take a pic of my outfit last night but Bonaparte was having a conniption because I was taking my sweet time getting ready (I guess he was right because we were late for the reservation –but traffic was bad!). Below is my date night outfit!

My apologies for the lack of focus but I’m a bit under the weather today. Here’s what I wore last night. Black front-zip Pixie Pants from J. Crew, black J. Crew Schoolboy Blazer (discontinued–what else is new?), white sleeveless shirt from J. Crew, shoes I got at Nordstrom Rack about ten years ago and wore twice. Red clutch bag I got at T.J. Maxx many years ago. I kept the look simple.

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Posted in ageism, Bare Minerals, Beauty Blender, Beauty Blender Dupes, Beauty for Older Women, Cosmetics, Dressing the "mature" woman, It Cosmetics, J. Crew, Makeup for Older Women, Mature Beauty, NYX Highlight and Contour | Tagged Beauty for Older Women. More Shit Old Ladies do | 42 Comments

I’ve Got Sunshine, On a Cloud Bread Day!

Posted on February 19, 2016 by Catherine

I guess you’d Say

Oprah and Me are doin’ OK!

Cloud Bread. Talkin’ ’bout Cloud Bread. Cloud Bread!

If the Temptations knew about Cloud Bread, they would have changed the lyrics!

Oprah loves bread. Oprah sure makes a lot of bread too. Now that she’s got a ten percent steak stake in Weight Watchers, she’s probably got more bread than she can handle!

Bitch is bragging about the 25 pounds she lost.

Still. She eats that bread every day!

Yeah, well. Good for you Oprah! I can have Cloud bread every day! BTW are you talking about bread you eat or money?

I love bread. I love bread so much that if Bonaparte went away, I’d let his batard get stale. And then—use your imagination. THAT’S what I would do! That’s how much I love bread!

Its “batard” not “bastid”–although that’s what I refer to it now that I can’t have it!

But ever since doing the “Whole 30” (although I’ve done it “lite”) five unwanted pounds of me has dissipated. It isn’t easy though. The weight is coming off, but is coming off very slowly. I’m taking it in baby steps.

Poor Bonaparte. I know it will be a long time till my ass looks thinner so I greet him with this question every morning!

We have no processed food in the house. (Well, except the little pre-made quiches that Bonaparte enjoys with his aperitifs.) Green shakes are my friend and I’m paying attention to my portion sizes.

FYI–just in case you’re interested, these taste MUCH better when made with spinach rather than kale! You are quite welcome!

The bread thing. Crusty on the outside. Chewy on the inside. Warm out of the oven and slathered with butter. Oh—how I miss it. But—since giving up gluten, I feel so much better. My stomach isn’t bloated and I’m not getting cramps either. I also have less gas–and that makes everyone around me much happier! But I’ll tell you. I’m really missing bread!

No gonna lie. I miss this shit!

Anyway, I one of my friends posted a recipe for cloud bread on Facebook. I became quite intrigued. Gluten free. Just a bit of dairy. Hmmmmm. I needed to research this.

This recipe from Food.com is just one of the many hundreds of recipes for Cloud Bread!

What I found is that this little fluffy bit of happiness is also called Oopsie Bread.

I had to make this. And I did. Earlier in the week I baked a batch. I got about ten small slices/rounds/whatevers. They didn’t taste like bread at all. They didn’t taste very eggy either. But in the weirdest way, the Cloud bread satisfied my need and desire for regular gluten-filled and glorious regular bread! BTW, Bonaparte almost cried. He said “eezz dee-zug-zteen” to call that merde bread. And, no. He didn’t sample a taste.

Since I wanted to save what I didn’t use, I stored the other pieces in a large Ziploc bag. Quite honestly, this is better eaten the day you bake it. Second day was ok, but any later and the bread gets very mushy.

So here’s how I made it:

I spooned three tablespoons of room temperature whipped cream cheese into a small bowl.

I like the whipped cream cheese because it’s not as dense.

I separated three large eggs, also at room temperature. I plopped the yolks into the bowl with the cream cheese and the whites into the bowl of my Kitchen Aid.

Yolks with the cream cheese.

Egg whites into the bowl of the Kitchen Aid. Ugh. It looks more like a sample for the doctor! Don’t worry–it isn’t!

The cream cheese and yolks were whisked until completely blended and smooth…

…a pinch of Cream of Tartar was added to the egg whites….and

The whites were whipped until stiff but not dry. Make sure that you don’t over whip the egg whites!

The yolk mixture was folded into the egg whites. Fold gently because you want that air from the whites to be retained!

When the yolks, cream cheese and whites were blended….

Salt, Herbes de Provence, and pepper were added to the batter

I spooned six large rounds onto a cookie sheet that was covered with parchment paper. NOTE: Parchment is the greatest kitchen tool on earth for baking. No need to grease or get cookie sheets messy. It’s the lazy way to go! Trust me, I’m lazy!!!

Bake in a 300 degree oven. Preheat the oven while you’re making the batter. Bake for about 25 minutes. More or less depending on your oven!

Out of the oven and cooling off. They are nice and flaky when they are warm. They look like a cross between Momofuku Corn Cookies and little omelettes!

See the little flecks of pepper and herbes? I’ll have a couple for dinner and top them with avacado, cilantro and smoked salmon. It’s Lent and it is Friday so I’m doing the meatless thing. I’m making lamb chops for Bonaparte! I’ll tell you, Lent is a great way to ensure a meatless meal!

It’ll be fun to see what else I can do with these little Cloud breads. Melted cheese would be good or apple slices and peanut butter. Oprah may be eating real bread and taking her bread to the bank. For now, I’m pretty much ok with my little fluffy clouds!

Have a great, great weekend. Stay warm and safe–and why not give in to a bit of Temptations? I have to tell you, watching this video put me in a very melancholy mood. I love their moves!!

Posted in Oprah and Bread. Weight Watchers. Gluten Free. The Temptations. Cloud Bread, Uncategorized | 36 Comments

Atypical 60

The License to Drive Me Crazy—A Day at the DMV

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Dear President Obama. May I Offer A Critique?

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This Old Lady Does The Drugstore Beauty Haul

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Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Stayin’ Awake. Stayin’ Awake. Atypical60 Looks at the 2016 Oscar Awards!

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A Weekend Getaway! The One Night Micro-Mini Vacation!

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A Weekend in DC and Now to the Oscars.

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Hot Mess Mommy- True Tales From the Dark Side

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HBO’s “Vinyl”. It’s Kind of Plasticky!

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Old Lady Date Night. The Fugly Truth of Looking Humanly Beautiful.

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I’ve Got Sunshine, On a Cloud Bread Day!

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