Atypical 60

Old Lady Date Night. The Fugly Truth of Looking Humanly Beautiful.

Posted on February 21, 2016 by Catherine

Bonaparte and I celebrated a belated Valentine’s Day dinner last night at our favorite restaurant—Spring Mill Café. I covered the reason why we pushed back our dinner in my Valentine’s Day post. And, I’ll tell you all about our great dinner after I tell you how I got myself all gussied up!

I’ll tell you; it gets harder and more difficult these days to give myself that bright glow my face once had. It’s the fugly truth. A date night when you are older becomes more of a process to look humanly pretty or beautiful! But with a bit of work, it can be done. Cosmetics companies are so obsessed with youth that they forget about old ladies. We are left to our own devices to figure it out. I’m serious.

So how did I go from this?

Yup! THIS is the fugly truth! Wrinkled skin–oops, I just noticed a zit on my chin. Pimples are not ageist! Blotchalism–blotchy skin. Sparse brows. My freakin’ eyes are become more crossed with age. THIS is what 60 looks like without cosmetics or fillers. WTF am I smiling?

To this:

Sorry, but I had to snap this pic in the car on the way to the restaurant. Bonaparte was becoming very stressed that I was taking my time and I was unable to snap a pic of my “after” in the house. Oh well, the lighting in the car is more natural!

I’ll tell you.

First, of all, I pinned up my hair to achieve a nice wavy look. I haven’t blown my hair straight in over a year now. My hair is aging as is the rest of me. But, with less frequent washings, roller sets and air drying, I’ve learned to be friendlier to my hair and it’s looking better.

The Skin Prep

After washing my face with plain soap and water, I slathered Nuxe Dry Oil Huile Prodigieuse® on my face. This oil is fantastic. My skin is super-dry and it gives some nice moisture without feeling greasy and oily. It is also great for the ends of my hair. Seriously, this is a fantastic multi-purpose oil. If you shop around you can find a decent price for this.

If you shop around on the net you can get this for a good price. It’s a wonderful multi-purpose oil that isn’t greasy!

When the oil was saturated, I applied a coating (I sound like I’m frosting a cake—but hey, we old ladies are very sweet—am I right? We’re akin to cute little cupcakes!) Olay Active Hydrating lotion. This is dirt cheap—anywhere from $6.00 to $8.00 depending on where you shop—and is great old-school moisturizing lotion for the face.

This Maybelline primer is great for the money. I hope it doesn’t become discontinued any time soon. The Olay lotion–it’s a bargain and works well!

About an hour and a half before we left for the restaurant, I applied my primer. I use the Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Primer. It’s inexpensive and does the same job that higher-end primers do. I know this. I’ve purchased the high-end! Applying this about 15 minutes before you apply face makeup helps the makeup to cling better.

Over the primer, I applied plain, old-school Chapstick over the top of my mouth and on my crow’s feet to use as a blur. I realize that the ingredients of Chapstick are different from the blur products but for 99 cents a stick, the price point of Chapstick is fine by me. BTW, Chapstick is incredibly useful—you can glide it under your brows to give that area a nice sheen. I freakin’ love Chapstick!

Making Up the Old Lady Visage!

I wanted my eyes to look bright. Not because I would drink too much wine and become lit, but because I wanted to look awake while getting lit! My holy grail is Bare Minerals “Well-Rested”. I’ve written about this in the past and I’ve yet to come across any other product that does such a great job. It’s a powder but doesn’t draw attention to the wrinkles!

Check out the top photo–see how discolored the area around my eye is? Look at the bottom after I brushed Well-Rested on. It really DOES make a difference. I cannot live without this sh stuff!

Whenever I start to become low on my supply, I head to the mall to replenish. This is a holy grail for me.

Ugh. My eyebrows are a bone of contention with me. Long ago they used to be lush and thick and now they are sparse. The brows were filled in with an “IT” brow brush and Ulta’s “Blackout” eye shadow. I paid six bucks for the eye shadow years ago and haven’t hit pan yet. I like my brows a bit on the thick side but because I’m a giver, I’ll do them a bit thinner to please my Frenchman!

I’ve had this IT brow brush since the summer and have continued to use it every day. The eye shadow, as you can see, is old as dirt. I’ve had it forever but use it as a brow powder.

See. It does a good job filling in the eyebrows!

I always tightline my eyes with Urban Decay’s 24/7 Eye Pencil in Perversion. This is a great pencil because the product stays put.

My apologies for not taking a photo but my pencil is almost a nub!

Eyeshadow on the lids is next. I went with a couple of colors from the Urban Decay Naked “Smoky Palette”. What I love about the Urban Decay Naked Palettes is that the shadows are very pigmented and the choices offered are well-thought out. I’m a fan!

I went with “Smolder” in the crease of my eyelid, “Combust” on the eyelid and “Thirteen” under the brow. The liner is NYC Color liquid liner!

Liquid eyeliner. I have so many different liquid liners and used what I grabbed first. It happened to be the NYC Color liquid liner in black. I’m glad I stocked up on this when it was less than two dollars because the price has gone up over the years to almost three bucks. Talk about inflation!

The NYC liquid liner is in the middle. I’m telling you. THIS is a great inexpensive liner. Even with the higher price of almost three bucks, it’s still a fantastic value!

This is where I’m such a giver. I wanted to wear false eyelashes tonight but Bonaparte truly hates them. I applied a couple of coats of Maybelline’s “The Falsies” mascara. For a drug store, lower-end mascara, this mascara is excellent. It really makes the lashes nice and lush.

I have lots of different mascaras but as far as value goes, this low-end mascara is great…

See how lush this mascara makes the lashes of my crossed-eye look!

Face comes next—this is the most challenging for me. I’ve got blotchy skin and over the years I’ve noticed that little dark spots have formed. It’s all a part of aging. My freckles are great in the summer but during winter months—and when I go out, I want more coverage.

See the “blotchalism” up close? Dayum. I’m getting old lookin’!

The blending sponge gets nice and wet!

I’ve reviewed a couple of blending sponges recently, before I purchased the Real Techniques Blending sponge pictured above. Less than six bucks and this one is my absolute favorite!!!!

I used two foundations. Yeah. Plural on the foundation. I used both the Givenchy and Marc Jacobs foundations. Blended together the coverage is pretty good.

Call me crazy but I like to use the high-end stuff for date nights. I also like to blend my foundations to get just that right tone and coverage. I’m happy with these foundations because neither one gets cakey or dry looking.

Since it’s a special evening, I’m going with the highlight and contour. It’s always a good thing to make my face appear *cough* a bit thinner or sculpted. I bought this NYX stick a while ago and it’s unbelievably great for a beginner. Anyway, I can’t begin to tell you how much I am loving this NYX stick. It’s foolproof and incredibly blendable and the price—oy! I paid about ten bucks. I’ve written about this stick in a past post, and the more I use it, the more I like it.

I like this so much I went back to purchase a backup and it was sold out. It is now on my continuous watch!

Ouch!! The highlighter isn’t blended in yet. Don’t you get scared now. It’ll look better once it’s blended..

Highlighter blended and now time to blend in the darker contour. Look to the left!

Blush time! I’m so into cream blushes these days. I used IT Cosmetics Vitality Flush Color Stain Stick. It glides on nicely and isn’t clownish looking at all. It’s got a nice hint of color.

Oh God. The stick is pretty worn because I’ve worn this a lot. But seriously–this is a nice stick of color!

Glossed and ready to go! I used three colors on my mouth. NYX Butter Gloss in Peaches and Cream, IT Cosmetics Lip Serum in Love and topped it off with L’Oreal’s Le Gloss in 154, Watermelon Crush. I happen to like shiny gloss on my old lady mouth because gloss makes the mouth look a bit more plump.

I wore three colors. Left to right: IT Lip Serum in “Love”, NYX Butter Gloss in “Peaches and Cream” and L’Oreal’s Le Gloss in Number 154 “Watermelon Crush”

You know, when you’re younger you take what you have for granted. Then one day you catch a glance of yourself in a mirror and the reaction is “Holy Shit!! When did I become so OLD looking?” Am I right?? But with the magic of cosmetics, we can bring our best old lady face forward—and I sincerely wish the beauty industry would realize this. I realize I sound like a broken record but it’s true! We’re a large spending group and remain ignored.

Enough of my rant! I was going to take a pic of my outfit last night but Bonaparte was having a conniption because I was taking my sweet time getting ready (I guess he was right because we were late for the reservation –but traffic was bad!). Below is my date night outfit!

My apologies for the lack of focus but I’m a bit under the weather today. Here’s what I wore last night. Black front-zip Pixie Pants from J. Crew, black J. Crew Schoolboy Blazer (discontinued–what else is new?), white sleeveless shirt from J. Crew, shoes I got at Nordstrom Rack about ten years ago and wore twice. Red clutch bag I got at T.J. Maxx many years ago. I kept the look simple.

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Posted in ageism, Bare Minerals, Beauty Blender, Beauty Blender Dupes, Beauty for Older Women, Cosmetics, Dressing the "mature" woman, It Cosmetics, J. Crew, Makeup for Older Women, Mature Beauty, NYX Highlight and Contour | Tagged Beauty for Older Women. More Shit Old Ladies do | 42 Comments

I’ve Got Sunshine, On a Cloud Bread Day!

Posted on February 19, 2016 by Catherine

I guess you’d Say

Oprah and Me are doin’ OK!

Cloud Bread. Talkin’ ’bout Cloud Bread. Cloud Bread!

If the Temptations knew about Cloud Bread, they would have changed the lyrics!

Oprah loves bread. Oprah sure makes a lot of bread too. Now that she’s got a ten percent steak stake in Weight Watchers, she’s probably got more bread than she can handle!

Bitch is bragging about the 25 pounds she lost.

Still. She eats that bread every day!

Yeah, well. Good for you Oprah! I can have Cloud bread every day! BTW are you talking about bread you eat or money?

I love bread. I love bread so much that if Bonaparte went away, I’d let his batard get stale. And then—use your imagination. THAT’S what I would do! That’s how much I love bread!

Its “batard” not “bastid”–although that’s what I refer to it now that I can’t have it!

But ever since doing the “Whole 30” (although I’ve done it “lite”) five unwanted pounds of me has dissipated. It isn’t easy though. The weight is coming off, but is coming off very slowly. I’m taking it in baby steps.

Poor Bonaparte. I know it will be a long time till my ass looks thinner so I greet him with this question every morning!

We have no processed food in the house. (Well, except the little pre-made quiches that Bonaparte enjoys with his aperitifs.) Green shakes are my friend and I’m paying attention to my portion sizes.

FYI–just in case you’re interested, these taste MUCH better when made with spinach rather than kale! You are quite welcome!

The bread thing. Crusty on the outside. Chewy on the inside. Warm out of the oven and slathered with butter. Oh—how I miss it. But—since giving up gluten, I feel so much better. My stomach isn’t bloated and I’m not getting cramps either. I also have less gas–and that makes everyone around me much happier! But I’ll tell you. I’m really missing bread!

No gonna lie. I miss this shit!

Anyway, I one of my friends posted a recipe for cloud bread on Facebook. I became quite intrigued. Gluten free. Just a bit of dairy. Hmmmmm. I needed to research this.

This recipe from Food.com is just one of the many hundreds of recipes for Cloud Bread!

What I found is that this little fluffy bit of happiness is also called Oopsie Bread.

I had to make this. And I did. Earlier in the week I baked a batch. I got about ten small slices/rounds/whatevers. They didn’t taste like bread at all. They didn’t taste very eggy either. But in the weirdest way, the Cloud bread satisfied my need and desire for regular gluten-filled and glorious regular bread! BTW, Bonaparte almost cried. He said “eezz dee-zug-zteen” to call that merde bread. And, no. He didn’t sample a taste.

Since I wanted to save what I didn’t use, I stored the other pieces in a large Ziploc bag. Quite honestly, this is better eaten the day you bake it. Second day was ok, but any later and the bread gets very mushy.

So here’s how I made it:

I spooned three tablespoons of room temperature whipped cream cheese into a small bowl.

I like the whipped cream cheese because it’s not as dense.

I separated three large eggs, also at room temperature. I plopped the yolks into the bowl with the cream cheese and the whites into the bowl of my Kitchen Aid.

Yolks with the cream cheese.

Egg whites into the bowl of the Kitchen Aid. Ugh. It looks more like a sample for the doctor! Don’t worry–it isn’t!

The cream cheese and yolks were whisked until completely blended and smooth…

…a pinch of Cream of Tartar was added to the egg whites….and

The whites were whipped until stiff but not dry. Make sure that you don’t over whip the egg whites!

The yolk mixture was folded into the egg whites. Fold gently because you want that air from the whites to be retained!

When the yolks, cream cheese and whites were blended….

Salt, Herbes de Provence, and pepper were added to the batter

I spooned six large rounds onto a cookie sheet that was covered with parchment paper. NOTE: Parchment is the greatest kitchen tool on earth for baking. No need to grease or get cookie sheets messy. It’s the lazy way to go! Trust me, I’m lazy!!!

Bake in a 300 degree oven. Preheat the oven while you’re making the batter. Bake for about 25 minutes. More or less depending on your oven!

Out of the oven and cooling off. They are nice and flaky when they are warm. They look like a cross between Momofuku Corn Cookies and little omelettes!

See the little flecks of pepper and herbes? I’ll have a couple for dinner and top them with avacado, cilantro and smoked salmon. It’s Lent and it is Friday so I’m doing the meatless thing. I’m making lamb chops for Bonaparte! I’ll tell you, Lent is a great way to ensure a meatless meal!

It’ll be fun to see what else I can do with these little Cloud breads. Melted cheese would be good or apple slices and peanut butter. Oprah may be eating real bread and taking her bread to the bank. For now, I’m pretty much ok with my little fluffy clouds!

Have a great, great weekend. Stay warm and safe–and why not give in to a bit of Temptations? I have to tell you, watching this video put me in a very melancholy mood. I love their moves!!

Posted in Oprah and Bread. Weight Watchers. Gluten Free. The Temptations. Cloud Bread, Uncategorized | 36 Comments

Can We Talk Travel? Can We Talk Paris? Can We Talk Logical Paris Travel?

Posted on February 17, 2016 by Catherine

No. I’m not channeling my French Joan Rivers. It’s just that now is the time that many people are making plans for summer trips and vacations. And. Lately, I’ve been approached by both friends and family on advice and thoughts about my much-visited and much loved city of Paris.

This is my favorite pic of the Arc de Triomphe because the flag was hanging. It was taken just before Bastille Day.

To tell you the truth, I’m having a difficult time starting this post. I don’t wanna sound “preachy” or “Oh-you-MUST-do-thisy“. Nor do I want to sound like one of those “experts” on the City of Lights, because I’m not.

Alright, I WILL strongly suggest a ride on the ferris wheel over by the Louvre if it is standing. Not because of the ride, but because of the great photo ops it’ll give you! It’ll be nice because you can be alone in the little seat. Bonaparte won’t join me due to his fear of heights. Just as well because I’m that person who rocks the seat!

In the ten years I’ve been visiting Paris, my outlook never changes. I’m pretty damned lucky because most people don’t even get to visit but once in their lifetimes. Where Bonaparte looks at the trips to Paris as “Going back home”, I look at it as “I’m nothing more than a seasoned tourist”.

Anyway, before I start rambling on and on, I’m just going to write some logical pointers about visiting Paris in a logical way. Whether it’s the first visit ever or if it is a return trip back of many years away, here goes in no random order. (Does that make it illogical?)

Ladies–get Parisian Chic out of your mind. I’m serious. Just like me, you are a tourist. You simply cannot wear six-to-eight inch stiletto heels running around the streets of Paris if you are serious about seeing the sights. The streets are uneven. There’s cobblestone. You need to walk fast and not mope. A leisurely pace in Paris is still a faster pace than what you may be used to.

Wear shoes comfortable enough for walking. My suggestions are Repetto ballet flats or the Cole Haan Air Nike ballet flats. Both look great. Both are comfortable. Save the heels for that special dinner out or if you have to attend a fancy party.

Hands down. THE best shoes ever for walking around Paris, New York–ANY city you plan on visiting. I’ve also worn these sight seeing in the South of France. I took this pic today–the shoes are about ten years old and they don’t wear out. Plus..they look good!

And sometimes I’ll wear my Repettos. My feet like to be comfy in Paris!

The only people you will see wearing berets and the stripped shirts are the mimes. Do not dress like this. Not now. Not ever. Never! Unless you are a mime.

I am more scared of these guys than clowns.

Most Parisians look like this.

This is the genuine street look. I took this from the car during rush hour. Normal. Just like you and me..

Not this.

This. From Street Style Chic . Paris fashion week 2015. Most Parisians do not look like this. At all.

My personal uniform of choice is skinny jeans or black pointe pants, ballet flats, white fitted T-Shirt and a blazer or denim jacket. If the weather is a bit cool a light scarf around my neck.

One of my uniforms for travel. Pointe pants, a white fitted tee. Flats for day. Kitten heels by night. CAVEAT. The J. Crew Dulci Pumps are never going with me anymore click here to find out why. Keep scrolling to you get to the paragraph about the shoes!

I think those are skinny jeans. I can’t tell. Oh my eyes. This is my other “uniform” (I HOPE it’s skinny jeans)

Don’t dress sloppy. I’m talkin’ baggy shorts, ankle socks, sneakers, raggy t-shirt, and khaki hat. Dressing sloppy isn’t right in any major city. God forbid you need assistance—let me tell you, looking neat will get you more assistance than looking like you just rolled out of bed. I’m not being snotty. I’m being logical.

Save this outfit for exploring in the woods. It is more appropriate.

My point is, dress nice and neatly. Don’t be intimidated by magazines or high-end fashion blogs. If you allow yourself to be intimidated you won’t enjoy yourself.

Would you like to live like the locals? If so, do research on finding an apartment. Check out different rental sites on the net. The first time I went to Paris with Bonaparte, we were unable to stay with Daniele but we rented an apartment around the corner from her apartment. It was a small studio and was equipped with a computer, Wi-Fi, A washer/dryer, an “American” bathroom (i.e. a bathtub and shower) and a small kitchen. It was all we needed. And as a first-time visitor, it was a wonderful experience for me because I got a feel for living like the locals. I loved it! I was able to cook, have breakfast “in” and could stay in my pj’s until we were ready to hit the street!

Where I stayed on my first trip to Paris. The cutest studio apt. on Rue Seguier

The kitchen was so small but efficient-a laundry area was built into a closet!

It was nice to wake up like a local and enjoy this view with my coffee!

Tips: If you rent an apartment, you can pack less clothing because you can do laundry. You can save on meals because you can eat in. You can be completely delusional and pretend that you are living in Paris—and if an elevator breaks you can complain just as the locals do!

Rather a hotel? Paris has a gazillion hotels. Here’s where you want to check your budget and think about just what kind of place you want to stay in. Many Americans have complained about the smaller hotels. Guess what? It’s Paris. The buildings are a lot older than the buildings here in the States. The rooms will be smaller and not as fancy. If you are looking for the comforts of home and larger rooms, check out the chains such as Marriott.

Personally, all I look for in a hotel is a working elevator, a bathtub and clean sheets. I’m down with a smaller and more affordable place in a neighborhood that I’m fond of and familiar with. Logically speaking—you are not going to want to spend all your time in the hotel room. Even if you are on your honeymoon and want to be passionate every night, you will still want to venture outside and see the sights!

Hotel Prince de Conti is more my speed. This is a FANTASTIC little hotel in the 6th!

The price of admission: Don’t forget to add into your budget the price or tariffs you will be paying to gain entrance into museums, etc. If you will be visiting many museums in your short stay, purchasing a Museum Pass may be worth your while.

I’ll be honest. We’ve never purchased the museum pass because our itineraries were never very ambitious. And speaking of ambitious…

Be a “Flaneur”—a Wanderer: Ambitious itineraries always scare the shit out of me. How can you enjoy Paris—or any city for that matter, if you only have about four days and two hundred sights to see? Whoa! Take it easy! Paris is the greatest city to do absolutely nothing and yet everything at the same time. It’s the greatest walking city because like, NYC, you never quite know what you will stumble upon. Honestly, we literally stumbled upon a Fragonard Exhibit at the Jardin du Luxembourg last fall. We were wandering around aimlessly and saw the sign for the exhibit. Here’s an article I wrote for French Entree: What To Do With Three Days in Paris–I think it may help to understand those ambitious itineraries!

You cannot see this…

and Sacre Coeur in Monmartre

..or stand on a line like this to get to the top of…

..Notre Dame…or

..or visit the Orsay or the Louvre, Catacombs or every museum in Paris in three or four days.

That’s the way we discovered the Eugene Delacroix museum. Bonaparte knew about it but had never been and while exploring a few years back, we came upon it! I’m so glad that we did because it is a great little hidden gem.

Why not just grab a picnic lunch and hang out on the Seine?

..or take a lazy walk up a quiet street?

People Watching Doesn’t get much better than this: There is a reason the chairs in the outdoor areas of cafés are facing the street. You get a better view of people. If you love to observe and study people, enjoy a café au lait, noir or a chocolat chaud while watching the real-life documentary that takes place before you. You’ll be spellbound by the many personalities of passersby. You may even see a celebrity or two—even three!

It’s the cheapest form of real-life entertainment. The cost of a coffee, hot chocolate or if you are hungover the greatness of a citron prisse.

I literally almost had a heart attack when Eric Clapton was sitting across from me on one side and Gilles Lellouche was sitting to my right at one of the cafes we were lazing in. I’ve also seen the great Vincent Lindon (right) while people watching.

Other than the cafés, the best area for the watching of human interaction is Place Dauphine!

We’ve closed with the restaurants on Place Dauphine. The party lasts till late night during the summer!

Mind your manners! This is your mother speaking to you. Listen to me. You know how we Americans can be ridiculously friendly with our mega-watt smiles and invitations that really don’t mean anything because they are just a formality? Well—we aren’t all that polite!

The French are just the opposite. They are an incredibly polite people. I would not say they are unfriendly because once that guarded barrier is broken, the French are wonderful and friendship is very important to them.

So by all means, whenever you enter into a shop or anywhere you will have human interaction always give the greeting of “Bonjour” in the day and “Bonne Soirée” in the evening. When saying bye-bye don’t forget the “Au Revoir” or “Bonne Journee” in the day and Bonsoir” in the evening! If you know someone casually greet and leave them with “Salut”

The kiss. Don’t get all freaky outy if you are invited to a party and greeted with a kiss on the cheek. It’s normal. We aren’t kissy-kissy. The French are and it’s all cool and good and just plain nice to see.

Take a lesson from Geraldine LaPere’s “Comme une Francaise” She’s got a website and a blog and she’s adorable with her YouTube lessons. But first, take your eyes off that shirt! I was thinking the same thing!

Speak in your indoor voice. Or rather, don’t be loud. I’m loud—and Bonaparte was rather concerned about my vocal decibel the first time I accompanied him to France. Let’s put it this way. His family got to know me and my loudness is something endearing to them. But—when I’m in a restaurant I use my best low, indoor, voice with my minimal knowledge of the French language. It’s sort of like if Gomer Pyle was a female and went to France—except I don’t have a Southern accent.

Think of me as a female Gomer Pyle who can turn on the great French accent the way he can sing!

Research the arrondissenments. I can’t speak for everyone but it helps to research the area of Paris that you wish to stay during your visit. The lower numbered arrondissenments offer a lot more of the liveliness that you may want. Other arrondissenments are quieter and may be what you are more in tune with.

Just like the tasty escargot, think of a snail when visualizing all the arrondissenments

Food: I’m amazed when I speak to people and they tell me the food in Paris sucked. It’s a real WTF moment for me. I’ll tell you why. Because no matter what is on the menu, you can always order a “Steak Frites”. Steak and fries. And if that doesn’t rock your boat, you can get fish. And if that doesn’t rock your boat, you can get a Nutella crepe on the street or run into McDonalds. Nothing more to say.

When in doubt, order Steak Frites. You cannot go wrong with steak and fries!

..and if all else fails, get eggs. The eggs in Europe are better tasting anyway!

Shopping: Be logical! This is probably where I can be a bit preachy. Rather than spend your well-earned money on tacky souvenirs, wouldn’t you rather spend your money on something good, like a great pair of shoes or a bag that nobody else has? I love my Nat & Nin bags and love knowing that these bags are a rare sight in the US. Clothing—I don’t buy because my body is too curvy for the European fit. If I lose 30 pounds maybe I’ll think about it but I would rather purchase the shoes, bags, and beauty products that I can’t get here. That’s just me though.

Check out the domed ceiling at Galeries Lafayette.

Everything is displayed so neatly and orderly.

Galeries Lafayette is a beautiful department store and it is a fun experience shopping there. Rue Bonaparte has great shops and Boutiques and in Montparnasse, on Rue du Rennes you can find lots of CD’s, books and movies at FNAC—FNAC are also great if you need help with an iPhone or any techie stuff! (Shopping in France) (More shopping in France another article I wrote for FrenchEntree)

Random stuff: Carry an umbrella. Be extra cautious on the metro—lots of pickpockets. (Regardless of the warning, Paris is a safe city). A fun project is to load up on French cooking magazines. When you return home, you can translate the recipes—and you will realize that you understand more than you ever thought!

This is a great way to practice the French language in the written form.

Bring bags or stop at Monoprix and pick up little shopping bags for pennies. Bags are not handed out in grocery stores and if you are out and about and decide you want to bring some food items back to where you are staying, it’s going to be a lot easier if you have a little sac!

These are literally pennies. Sacs within their own sac. I ended up purchasing a lot and giving them away as little gifts. I plan on stocking up on more of these next summer!

Blogs for educating you on your trip: French Girl in Seattle. She may live here, but this French girl is a wealth of information if you are thinking of traveling over to France.

Out and About in Paris. This from an ex-pat who is living in Paris. Her photos are great and she always has interesting tidbits to write about!

Oh. Don’t forget to pack your common sense, sense of humor and camera! S’amuser!

To put you in a Paris mood, here’s Juliette Gerco with “Sous le Ciel de Paris” Under the skies of Paris!!

Posted in Common sense travel in Paris, Juliette Greco, Paris Travel, Shopping and sights in Paris | Tagged Dressing when in Paris, Logical Paris Travel Tips, Paris, Travel | 39 Comments

73 Peeks Into My Thought Process

Posted on February 15, 2016 by Catherine

I’m weight-challenged. Beauty-challenged. Discretion-challenged. Career-challenged. And so much more. But. One thing I ain’t is “Truthfully Challenged“! I tell it like it is. I was given a challenge earlier this morning by Trudy from “Rendezvous in New York” to answer “Vogue’s” 73 questions.

I don’t read Vogue anymore nor do I read any other fashion magazines these days due to the ageist tone and obsession with tampon string-thin models, models that probably had their first periods last year, and the obsession with celebrities-as-models. I know. I know. I’m a bitch—but I’m an honest and charming bitch at that. Besides, I can’t turn down a challenge. And with that, I give you 73 of my honest answers and a peek into my thinking process!

My days of reading Vogue ended for good when Kanye West and Kim Kardashian were on the cover. Wintour has managed to make Vogue the National Inquirer of the fashion rags! But–I’m up for a fun challenge!

What’s your favorite movie?

” Amelie”. Because it is a film about love and happiness and finding that right person. I watch it on a regular basis. The kissing scene between Nino and Amelie is quite possibly the best kissing scene in any film of all time!

2. Favorite movie in the past five years?

“Boyhood”. Linklater was robbed of the Oscar. He should be boycotting the Oscars because of the way this spectacular film was shunned. I still get pissed off that “Birdman” won. Ugh!

Linklater should boycott EVERY Academy Awards ceremony–he would be validated because this film got robbed!

3. Favorite Hitchcock film?

The Birds. It was the only Hitchcock film I ever saw.

Ugh. To this day I cannot stand birds!

4. A book you plan on reading?

“After You” by JoJo Moyes. It’s the continuation of the greatest tearjerker of a book “Me Before You”. I’m crying already.

5. A book that you read in school that positively shaped you?

“Fun With Dick and Jane”. This reader was simple and concise and gave me the love of reading and words that I now have. It was the ONE book that made an impact.

THE most important book I’ve ever read–it changed my life because it taught me to read.

6. Favorite TV show that’s currently on?

“Portlandia”. It is the most realistic and human show on TV-of all time. We all know these characters in real life and whenever I watch this show, I am moved.

Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein bring everypersonyouknowandhavemet to life on the greatest TV show ever. Portlandia.

7. On a scale of one to ten how excited are you about life right now?

The demons of depression have returned and to tell you the truth, they ain’t fixin’ to leave any time soon. I guess I need to go downstairs and get the air mattress and some pillows and blankets. Like J. Crew’s Style Guide pages, I would say my scale is 00.

My little demons have returned for a while!

8. iPhone or Android?

Yes.

9. Twitter or Instagram?

@yes. #picsofmearealwaysagoodthing

10. Who should EVERYONE be following right now?

Me!! Who else is there?

11. What’s your favorite food?

Red meat. I said RED. Not overcooked till it becomes brown!

There is a reason it is called “red” meat. You are welcome!

12. Least favorite food?

Gummies. The texture makes me gag.

13. What do you love on your pizza?

I do not like pizza. Therefore I do not love anything on my pizza except perhaps a winning lottery ticket.

14. Favorite drink?

Chocolate Milk made with Bosco. It’s been my favorite since I was a child.

15. Favorite dessert?

Nutella and a spoon. It’s my go-to pity party dessert!

This and a spoon is all I need.

16. Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

Milk chocolate

17. Coffee or tea?

Cawfee first thing in the morning. Tea all the live long day.

18. What’s the hardest part about being a mum?

When you realize that your kids have grown into responsible adults and they don’t need you anymore. You lose life’s purpose.

I wish I could return to these days when my kids needed me!

19. What’s your favorite band?

The Kinks

Look how cute Ray Davis crooked smile is. I’ve always loved The Kinks!

20. Favorite solo artist?

John Mayer

Ever since I first heard this CD, he’s been my favorite!

21. Favorite song?

Tie: “Apeman” by the Kinks/ Michel Polnareff “L’amour Avec Toi”

22. If you could sing a duet with anyone, who would it be?

Michel Polnareff. My voice blends very well with his. I know this. I sing along with his music in my car.

23. If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

My voice. Both speaking AND singing!

24. If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

On my scalp to hide the bald spots.

25. To be or not to be?

To be or not to be what?

26. Dogs or cats?

Dawgs.

Chippy–our rescue rascal. What a cute dawg!

27. Bird-watching or whale-watching?

Neither. I would rather people watch. It’s more entertaining. (Click on “people watch”–it’s an article I wrote)

28. Best gift you’ve ever received?

Life—from my parents.

Thanks Mom and Daddy!

29. Best gift you’ve ever given?

Life—to my children

30. Last gift you gave a friend?

Home made candied pecans to MaryBeth

31. What’s your favorite board game?

I’m bored with them all.

32. What’s your favorite country to visit?

France.

33. What’s the last country you visited?

France

34. What country do you wish to visit?

India.

I want to enjoy all the happiness of a Bollywood movie and the bright colors and the food and history. I want to visit India so badly!

35. What’s your favorite color?

Bright yellow. Not pastel yellow. BRIGHT yellow.

36. Least favorite color?

Any color in a pastel hue.

37. Diamonds or pearls?

Take a guess!

Pilates or yoga?

Yogi Bear. Oh wait. I thought it read “Pirates or Yogi” I need stronger glasses.

Oops! I thought it was Yogi!

40. Jogging or swimming?

Swimming.

This is my idea of a good swim. Like my orange fake tanned legs?

41. Best way to de-stress?

Take a hot bath.

42. If you had one superpower, what would it be?

To be invisible. Sometimes, I just want to disappear!

43. What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

“fungus”

44. What’s your favorite flower?

Peony. The most beautiful and fragrant of all flowers. When I lived in NJ, I had the most beautiful peonies growing on the side of my home! I would go out in the morning with my coffee and sniff them.

The most beautiful of all flowers!

45. When was the last time you cried?

When I answered Question Number 4

46. Do you like your handwriting?

Absolutely! The nuns taught me the art of perfect penmanship!

Trust me, you don’t mess with these broads. Penmanship had better be perfect or big trouble and a sore hand!

47. Do you bake?

Food? Yes. But I stopped baking my body in the sun.

I bake Brioche. Lots of Brioche!

48. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

My imperfections

49. What is your most favorite thing about yourself?

My imperfections

50. Who do you miss most?

My dad

51. What are you listening to right now?

Nostalgie Radio. Francis Cabrel and Michel Delpech are singing “Le Loir et Cher”

52. Favorite smell?

Nordstrom’s at King of Prussia Mall. I don’t know what they clean the store with but the scent is my favorite.

53. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My daughter, Oona

54. Who was the last person you sent a text to?

My daughter, Oona

55. A sport you wish you could play?

Deep Sea Fishing

56. Hair color?

Bottled Jet Black

Underneath that bottled black is natural white!

57. Eye color?

Hazel

I do wish they were more green though.

58. Scary film or happy endings?

Happy endings

59. Favorite season?

Summer

60. Three people alive or dead that you would like to have dinner with?

My three very much alive children.

Always fun when I have dinner with my babies!

61. Hugs or kisses?

Kisses

62. Rolling Stones or the Beatles?

The Beatles

63. Where were you born?

Queens, New York

64. What is the farthest you have been from home?

Australia

65. Sweet or savory?

Savory

66. Lipstick or lip gloss?

Lip-plumping, ooey, gooey lip gloss

I think the lip gloss plumped up more than my mouth!

67. What book have you read again and again?

Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmans

I have a copy in my sun room and I still read it regularly!

68. Favorite bedtime story?

Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmans

69. What would be the title of your autobiography?

“PHUCKED”

70. Favorite sound?

Tie: Le Chant de Cigales (The sound of Cicadas)/ French Police Sirens

71. Favorite animal?

Woolly Mammoth

Ask my kids or Bonaparte what my favorite animal is and they know. They know my love for the Woolly Mammoth!

72. Who is your girl crush?

Angelina Jolie

Seriously. I need to get fillers to make my mouth look like that. She’s beautiful!

Last photograph you took?
Me for my “Down With Love” post.

I challenge my blogosphere friends to answer these same questions. It’ll be fun on this snowy and cold President’s Day! All I ask is for you to link back to my blog! XOOXOXOXOXO!

Enjoy more Kinks!

Posted in Thought process of a crazy old lady | 53 Comments

Down With Love!

Posted on February 12, 2016 by Catherine

Bonaparte made dinner reservations at our favorite local restaurant for this coming Saturday evening. February 13^th, the day before St. Valentine’s Day. The restaurant is “Spring Mill Café” and we love our dinners there.

The staff knows us, the food is always consistently great, and we always reserve the same table in a little alcove of the restaurant so that we are separated from other diners.

Spring Mill Cafe. It really IS our favorite restaurant. It’s like being in someone’s French kitchen!

And in this little spot, we study the dinner menu. The menu changes seasonally, but we know what to expect. We always order the Charcuterie Board as a starter and from there we ponder and make our selections and we are always happy and satisfied with our meal.

Since this weekend is Valentines weekend, Bonaparte had the smarts to ask me to call the restaurant and inquire if there would be a “special” menu for Valentine’s Day. There is and so I changed our reservation for the following Saturday evening.

While I realize that V-Day is a good business day for restaurants, I wish the regular menu offerings were available too. No big deal–we will just celebrate a week later!

And this is one of the reasons I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day. I don’t want to be told what I have to eat because it is a “special” day.

Yes. I am well-aware of this special day and as soon as it’s over the St. Patrick’s decorations will be shoved in my face!

Valentine’s Day is the day set aside for love and lovers. Let me tell you something about the word “lover”

I have never, and I mean never referred to any ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, or Bonaparte as my “lover”. And if any ex-boyfriend, or my ex-husband, or Bonaparte ever used “lover” to describe my part in the relationship, it would be a deal breaker. I would walk away. I cannot stomach that word. Eww. It is so fuc (I almost forgot. I am giving up cursing for Lent. It’s the least I could do since Bonaparte gets upset with my filthy gutter-mouth. Besides, not cursing is a special Valentine’s Day gift for him!), it is so darn pretentious and annoying!

If you’ve ever seen this skit on SNL with Rachel Dratch and Will Ferrell, you’ll know what I”m talking ’bout!

Valentine’s Day is so forced and contrived. I mean, seriously. I have visions of greasy abusive men stopping off at the last minute at a gas station to buy their better half a cheap stuffed teddy bear and candy in a heart-shaped box. And when they come home they just kind of toss the gifts to their woman. I can see it now:

Greasy Guy (tossing teddy bear and candy to his woman): “Hey. Happy Valentine’s Day” “What’s for dinner?”

Greasy Guy’s girlfriend: “Aww. Honey. I “wuv” youuuu..” “I made your favorite Hamburger Helper for dinner”

Greasy Guy: “Hamburger Helper!” “Man, I shoulda got you flowers too!” “I “wuv” you too”!

…this is the kind of Valentine’s you give to your children. If any grown man gave me something like this and told me he “wuved” me he’d be next to the one who referred to me as his “lover”.

Valentine’s Day pushes the limit of tasteful attire.

I created this outfit on Polyvore. I would wear the Hermes scarf and the trench coat. I would wear the matching undies only…..

Let’s just say I would wear a get-up like the one above to my dermatologist’s office. He would be so grossed out by my ripples and wrinkles sticking out of both bra and panty that he would have to focus extra-hard on my skin check.

In a plane. Yes. I always wear matching underwear on flights. Just in case the worst happens and my body gets torn in half. The rescue workers can match the top with the bottom—and a bright, sexy ensemble of unmentionables would have me matched up in no time!

I would rather wear Wonderwoman panties because I would rather be empowered than sexy!

Valentine’s Day is an excuse to eat bad candy. I know that chocolate is one of the greatest gastronomical delights known to woman. I have received chocolates in heart shaped boxes. Most of the chocolates were thrown in the trash. Why? Because I’m that girl/lady/woman/old hag who bites into a chocolate and if the filling is fruity fake nougat or the inside is oozing with a flavor I can’t quite describe, I bite and spit. I am a chocolate purist. Chocolate with nuts or toffee—yes. Filled chocolate-no.

Forest Gump was wrong. Life is NOT like a box of chocolates . If it were, we would be spitting things out of our mouths all day.

Valentine’s Day is also another way that card companies sidle into your private life with any excuse for a card. Even at the expense of reminding someone that they are alone on this day of blissful romance and love. Hey. Let’s make all single people and those who’ve suffered a break up all feel badly on this day.

I swear to God, I almost ~~shit a brick~~ fell over when I saw THIS in the Valentine’s Day card section. WTF??? To make matters worse, there was a wide selection!

Don’t get me wrong. It isn’t that I don’t love. My kids, Bonaparte and Chippy are the center of my world.

It’s just that I’m not one of those “Hello Kitty”, “Disney Princess”, cutesy romantics. Although I will admit that I oftentimes comment on Facebook with little heart emoji’s if I like something a lot. And I always sign of with “XOXOXOXO”.

Yeah Kitty, I “woof” you–you too little princess!

My love is more pragmatic.

Love is a verb.

Love hurts.

Love is a roller coaster.

Lust is Michel Polnareff begging to me to love him.

Love is an emotion. It is that feeling you get inside you that shakes you up when you see that special someone doing something nice for you.

Bonaparte telling me to get back in the house and NOT help to shovel snow is an act of pure love!

Love is the overwhelming feeling you get when you are with your children and you realize that they are the most wonderful people in the world.

My three little babies. I love them more and more each day!

Love is wanting to help those you care about and not asking for anything in return.

Love is something that we all need at some point during our lifetimes.

Love actually is saying that you are sorry. Especially when you hurt those you do love.

Love makes the world go ’round.

Happy love to you every day. Not just on St. Valentine’s Day!

Kisses to you from me. For every day!!! XOXOXO

So yeah, when I say “Down with love” I mean it in the down-in-the-forced-and-contrived sense of love—because real love is beautiful!

Let my friend Bobby Darin explain:

Posted in Bobby Darin, Down With Love, Fuck Love, John Mayer, Michel Polnareff, Ohio Players, Valentine's Day | Tagged Down With Love, Valentine's Day | 41 Comments

I Came, I Saw, I Conquered NW Arkansas!

Posted on February 10, 2016 by Catherine

I’m so proud of how my daughter has grown into a responsible adult.

When we arrived at her apartment, dinner that she prepared– a soup from her home made bone broth, sausage and kale was ready to be served. She even had the makings for Kir Royals! It was the perfect dinner after being in transit for most of this stormy day. Oona also knows how weird I am at holiday time and that we all wear matching PJ bottoms and t-shirts from Old Navy. She surprised me with matching “J’Adore” t-shirts and pink PJ bottoms from Old Navy! Life is blissful in “Mommy and Me” matching pj’s—even when the Mommy is 60 and the Me is 26!

Is this too cute? I love that Oona knows how to please with thoughtful little touches such as matching pj’s!

The next day, Thursday, Oona decided to take me into “The Square” in downtown Fayetteville. The square is a lovely area near the University of Arkansas. Cute shops and restaurants abound. And on close inspection, studying the people around me, I thought I was in Brooklyn because of the many hipster looks surrounding us. I was thrilled because of the stereotype that I envisioned….

Ok. This is bad. And don’t judge me. But, I had this stereotype that the second I landed in Arkansas, I would be greeted by Gothardesque Duggar type women in ill-fitting long denim skirts and fugly polo shirts who would be wearing Birkenstocks with socks and pelting me with bibles. They would also be singing “Jesus Loves the Little Children.” My plan of action would be to take rosary beads from my purse and hold the beads up to them—the way someone would hold garlic or a cross to a vampire! Much to my extreme joy, this did not happen. In fact, the people I met were not like that at all.

Ain’t gonna lie. I envisioned being pelted with Bibles by these fashion icons!

Our first stop was an adorable little tea shop that looked as though it belonged in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Savoy Tea Company. The shop oozed of charm. The staff incredibly friendly and upbeat. We sat down to Chai Lattes and caught up on conversation.

Here’s the Savoy info–just in case you are in the neighborhood!

The interior is so darn adorable. It was the perfect setting for Oona and I to enjoy…

Our Chai Lattes. Even better because of the way they were served!

Next stop was a walk over to “French Quarters & Feather Your Nest”.

This business card is so clever–a place on the back for notes!

Bonaparte would have felt very much at home here. The shop was chock-full of French imports for the home. The owner’s husband, Storm (hmmm..why can’t I get away from Storms of any kind?), was a riot! He told me that he and his wife travel to France to flea markets and such to acquire much of what is sold in the shop. I really was enlightened by the charm and friendliness of Storm and my stereotype of Arkansansians? Arkansanans?. Ugh. My stereotype of people from Arkansas was diminishing!

Look what we spotted! Bonaparte’s last name!!!

We continued our wandering and decided to see a movie. We both wanted to see “Brooklyn” because of our Irish roots and the fact my grandparents settled in Brooklyn after emigrating from Ireland made the movie more intriguing. BTW, the movie was even better than we thought it would be. The price of admission was even better. FIVE BUCKS! Let me tell you, there are NO five dollar movie in the suburbs of Philadelphia that I am aware of!

Who knew I would have to go to Arkansas to see Brooklyn? At five bucks it was a bargain!

We both decided that it was better to eat lunch out and have dinner in. This way the both of us could just be comfy, relaxed, have some wine, and binge-watch Chip and Joanna play around with shiplap!

Binge watching these two is the perfect mother/daughter night in! Chip, Joanna, Shiplap and wine!

Friday was great! We had an ambitious agenda in Bentonville. But the best part of the day for me was a phone call Oona received from her boss as we began our adventures. She received a promotion. I won’t go into details but I will tell you this; I cried. I was so overwhelmed and proud and filled with happiness for her that I started sobbing. I’m getting all misty-eyed as I write this too. I couldn’t be happier.

On our way to Bentonville, smiling with the great news of Oona’s promotion!

On to Bentonville.

my artsy shot–well, my ATTEMPT at artsy photography. I’m no J.H. Lartigue!

Oona told me about a great little food truck that was known for great crepes. The owner is a Frenchman and the weather was sunny and warm. OK—it wasn’t exactly spring weather but it was warm enough to eat outside. We had lunch at Crepes Paulette.

Might I suggest if you are ever in Bentonville to enjoy an authentic French meal of delicious crepes and some conversation with Frédéric, the owner!

Because I’m a pretentious asshole at times, I ordered my crepe in French. I had “La Jardin” filled with baby spinach, cheese (Ok—so I cheated on my Paleo), pesto and egg. I guess my accent was halfway decent because Frédéric Henry, the owner (along with his wife, Paula) started speaking in French to me. I explained “Je parle un peu français”. Oona rolled her eyes and ordered her crepe in English!

Monsieur Henry in front of his restaurant on wheels. Damn, if I lived in Bentonville, I would have a hard time sticking to my Lenten sacrificing of no in-between meals. I would be here for crepes every day–especially the salted caramel crepes!

Anyway, Frédéric was great. He’s from Brest, France—in Brittany. That area of France I’ve been demanding for years and years that Bonaparte take me to. Frédéric is jolly and animated and a wonderful host to those who dine at his truck. We got to talking and he asked me about my visits to France and asked Bonaparte’s name. He told me that Bonaparte’s surname was popular in the South. Then he mentioned there was a famous French photographer with Bonaparte’s last name. He was pleasantly surprised when I said that the photographer was Bonaparte’s grandfather. Bonaparte was thrilled when I mentioned that to him!

The crepes were amazing. In fact, they were better than the crepes I’ve had in a certain creperie on Rue Saint-André des Arts in Paris! For dessert I had the salted caramel crepe. I swear if I wouldn’t have embarrassed Oona, I could have licked the table that the filling spilled onto.

Our next stop was the Walmart museum. A bit kitchy—but kitchiness is what makes travel so much fun. The museum was a testament to the early days of Sam Walton’s business endeavors and it was actually quite interesting.

In front of “Walton’s 5 & 10 Cent Store” The Walmart Museum. Hey, how did this photo become backwards?

Yes. I was here!

It’s so charming….

..and kitchy! Do you remember this packaging? I do–that’s ’cause I’m old!

…and I also remember these books! I learned to read with Dick and Jane AND I almost purchased The Borrowers. It was one of my favorite books when I was a young girl!

Another interesting fact is that the Walmart stores in the Northwest of Arkansas are immaculate. They are beautiful. They are well-organized. They are well-stocked. AND—the staff is so pleasant and accommodating. Normal people shop there. I’m not being snotty either. The two Walmart stores in my area are filthy—but I’m getting off topic.

Walmart’s grocery department where I live looks nothing like THIS!!

After leaving the Walmart museum we headed off to the one place I was incredibly excited to see. Oona has told me about this place and how wonderful and beautiful it is. We went to the Crystal Bridges Museum. This museum was founded by Alice Walton and I have to say—it is magnificent. There is no charge to enter. Believe me, over the years I’ve spent a small fortune at various art museums throughout the USA and France and I am in a state of wondrous shock that this museum has no general admission fee!

The setting is so soothing. Built above two ponds and the grounds are so serene. The museum itself blends in with the natural background. The staff, again, is so incredibly friendly. We were greeted by a staff member who spoke to me for quite a while about the greatness of Northwest Arkansas. When I told her that I had this vision of everyone being like the Duggar family she laughed and explained that the Duggars are not liked in the NW of Arkansas. They are in the minority and people just wish they would leave. I am diggin’ NW Arkansas so much!!!!

Set over two ponds, the museum is…

..so beautiful and the grounds are..

..so serene. I want to come back in the late spring when the trees and flowers are in bloom!

The museum was just incredible. A testimony to American artists. I shrieked with delight when I saw a painting by my favorite American artist, Childe Hassam, hanging on the wall. I get really excited whenever I see one of his paintings and this made me appreciate Crystal Bridges even more. Oona and I loved the paintings by Mary Cassatt as well. Honestly, if you ever get the chance to visit Bentonville, you have to visit this museum.

Childe Hassam’s “Paris at Twilight” is at the museum and it is just spectacular!

When we saw Arthur Fitzwilliam Tait’s painting “The Life of a Hunter–A Tight Fix” we thought of “The Revenant”! Leo–is that you?

The many sculptures on display at Crystal Bridges were stunning. This really shows the despair of the Great Depression.

Luckily the weather was on our side and the warmth of the air lent itself for more walking. We did a bit more window shopping and stopped at another one of Savoy Tea’s locations. This time we enjoyed our Chai Lattes in the open air.

Another quiet dinner at home and quality mother/daughter time for the rest of the evening.

Dressed down in our matching lounging attire–it was another evening of togetherness!

Saturday brought another busy day. It also brought about another great weather day! We started out with brunch at The Farmer’s Table Cafe, a local farm-to-table restaurant. We enjoyed a healthy meal of free-range eggs over a bed of locally grown veg, gluten-free buckwheat bread and strong coffee. It was wonderful to be able to enjoy another meal alfresco with the air comfortable as it got warmer!

The Farmer’s Table–unpretentious and unassuming with fantastic food!

This is my kinda breakfast!

With stomachs satisfied we headed off to the Clinton House Museum, Bill and Hillary Clinton’s first home. I really enjoyed this–and if there are any people who doubt the validity of the Clinton’s humble beginnings, I suggest you stop by here. It was wonderful to be able to get some insight on the start of this political coupling and how they managed to have the State of Arkansas embrace both of them. I loved seeing where our next presidential hopeful used to live!

This historical home is beautiful on the outside and charming within…

The outside plaque shows a young and idealistic Bill and Hillary!

We did some more antiquing and shopping around then did what any mother and daughter spending time need to do.

Vintage Cargo was another shop with great home goods. I LOVE the fact that so many people in the Fayetteville and Bentonville areas shop local and shop small stores rather than at malls. It supports small business!

I was tempted to sit on this porch all day and just gab to the owners!

We saw a “Chick flick”. We saw “The Choice”. True to form it was the typical boy and girl meet and hates each other. Both have SO’s. Both fall in love. Both lose SO’s. Both argue. Both fall in love and get married. Uh Oh. Something very, very, very bad happens. Tears. Sadness. Anger. Wait! Just in the nick of time, something very, very, very great happens…….

Sappy as a forest full of maple trees, but it was deliciously chick flicky! And a great way to wind of a mother/daughter weekend!

We loved it! It’s so hard for me to see chick flicks because Bonaparte absolutely hates them. I’m telling you, we saw the trailer for “Me Before You” and I cried. I will need to see that movie not with Bonaparte, but with a box of tissues! Oona is my favorite chick flick partner. I hope she is visiting when this movie is released! Our final dinner was, again, spent at Oona’s apartment. I made steaks and our favorite vegetable—Brussels Sprouts. And we were naughty as we enjoyed a dessert of Ben & Jerry’s “Half Baked” ice cream.

Besides being naughty, we got silly too!

My visit to see Oona was a great Christmas gift from all three kids. You don’t realize just how much you appreciate and love your daughter or any of your kids for that matter, until they move away from you. I have wonderful memories of time spent with my baby!

Northwest Arkansas has a new fan!!

Oh..and the flights home—the weather was fine and sunny. No delays. My luggage stayed with me. And the rides weren’t bumpy! I was greeted by a happy Bonaparte and an even happier Chippy. Apparently Chippy sat in front of the door every night that I was gone and whined! He’s sitting on the floor next to me as I write this!

I’m a happy mom after spending time with my daughter!

Here’s a song that Oona and I love. John Mayer’s “Daughters”. I think it’s appropriate!

Posted in Domestic Travel, Travel in Arkansas | Tagged Mother Daughter Time, NW Arkansas, Travel in Northwest Arkansas, Travel in the USA | 32 Comments

Just Plane Fun!

Posted on February 9, 2016 by Catherine

Are you dying to find out how my trip to Arkansas went? Well, it was great! But, as usual, I’ve got so much to tell you. Like Julie Andrews sings, “Let’s Start at the Very Beginning”…. Please. Go put the kettle or coffee maker on, grab a cup of warmth, snuggle up and come along with me…

I’m no mountain girl nor am I a singer, but let’s start at the beginning because I have a “Do Re Mi” of a story to tell youse!

After transferring everything from my Longchamp weekender into the carry on suitcase that Bonaparte insisted on buying for me, I started having concerns about it being over packed. I did NOT want my suitcase taken away from me because we all know how territorial I am with my luggage! We will visit this later.

I AM like a territorial pitbull when it comes to my luggage!

True to my personal travel form, the weather sucked as I left for Philadelphia Int’l. The local meteorologists predicted rain, but it wasn’t to start until noon. My flight was at 11:35 AM to Charlotte and from Charlotte, I had a layover until I caught another flight to Arkansas. The meteorologists lied. They are weather challenged because it was raining when I woke up at 6:00AM—OK? It was raining pouring as Bonaparte drove me to the airport and he was thoroughly fascinated by the occurrence of bad weather whenever I travel. Fascinated!

I didn’t tell you that I have this “thing” about arriving at the airport early. It’s an idiosyncrasy of mine. I need time to relax before a flight. A lot of time. I’m always stressed out and anxious and I always expect the worst possible scenarios. We arrived at the airport at 8:30 AM—giving me three hours of angst-ridden bliss before take-off.

Natalie Dee knows me too well. I AM the epitome of her Anxiety Girl!

Bonaparte dropped me off, and wished me a great time as Chippy barked from the back seat of the car. With printed boarding pass in hand, and my little “Silly-Putty” colored carry on suitcase, I made my way up the escalator to the TSA. The boarding pass that I printed on our computer did not “scan” properly. I had to make my way back down the escalator to the check-in kiosk to print additional boarding passes. Luckily I didn’t have to wait.

I waited for hours on end for the “notification” from American Airlines that I could print my boarding pass. Unfortunately, my computer thought otherwise. This was an unscannable pass!

I don’t understand why the kiosk has to ask whether or not I want to upgrade, change my seat or purchase food. All I freakin’ want to do is print my damn boarding pass. So after about five minutes of questioning from a machine, not only did I receive my boarding passes, but I also received two additional boarding passes. One to send me to Arizona and one to send me out to LA.

I guess the kiosk was just lonely and was glad I was there so it could ask me a million questions. I’m so anti-machineable.

I’ll tell you this much—American Airlines hires staff with exceptional hearing. After my initial “What the fuck is this??” spoken at a rather loud caliber, an agent rushed over to see what the issue was. I explained that her airline company was graciously gifting me with two additional boarding passes. She thanked me profusely as she grabbed the wrong boarding passes from my hands I kindly handed the incorrect passes over to her and I said “Aren’t you glad I have a loud mouth?” She did not answer me.

Back up to TSA and this time I was allowed to cut the line to the front! I love that because it pisses other people standing in line off so much! Its winter and this process took forever. Coat. Blazer. Scarf. Boots. Purse. Suitcase. Phone. Watch. I explained that if my cheap J. Crew jewelry beeped, one of the TSA people would have to undo the clasp because my fake nails would make it impossible for me to do so. Nothing beeped. I’m sure the beeper was purposely turned off after I made that comment .

Anyway, as I walked toward the gate I was getting a bit hungry. I looked around me at the choices and none of the food was Paleo-friendly. I had to opt for the next best thing. I spotted a little stand and in that stand was a variety of dried fruits and nuts. Dried fruit has a ton of added sugar. Nuts have a ton of fat—but the fat is really healthy. I felt like a complete moron as I “shelled” over ten bucks for a 4 ounce bag of candied pecans. Yeah. Not only a ton of fat, but also added sugar. Not to mention that the small bag held 4 one-ounce servings at 175 calories per. This is not helping me on my weight loss journey.

Note to self: Form hereonin, make little snack packs of nuts to bring to the airport.

Did you know that Philadelphia International has a minimal amount of chargers for your phone? I’m OCD about my phone’s battery life. Even if I don’t use the phone. I need the comfort of knowing that I’m next to an outlet. Besides, I’m addicted to Candy Crush. I ended up writing as I waited for boarding. I’m working on a book—another one of my delusions.

I wanted to write on the plane too–but the ride was so bumpy that it was impossible!

The rain was still coming down at a steady stream, but the stream was now becoming aggressive.

It would help if Philadelphia Int’l. hired an electrician to install outlets to plug your phone or tablet into. I’m very self-important and need to be able to plug my phone in–what if that ONE friend I have tries to call me?

I prayed that the plane would be on time. And it was! Poor Hipster Jesus. I need to start thanking him for constantly bugging him with prayers for shit that I want.

Now I’m not fond of flying. I’m not super-anxious about it either because I realize that flying is the fastest way to travel and my impatience trumps my anxiety. But still—my nerves do get a bit flustered as the aircraft makes the ascent. The pilot announced that it may be a bit of a bumpy ride. This ride was so bumpy that my lady parts spoke to me. What they said wasn’t exactly printable either.

That’s right. The ride was SO bumpy that I had what SHE had!

The four serving bag of nuts that I finished off before boarding the plane almost came up. I was almost looking forward to it because I figured I could get two meals out of that measly bag therefore justifying the money spent! Also—due to the turbulence, no beverages were distributed during this flight.

I will take a moment to say, though, that American Airlines does get kudos from me for their stance on hiring older people. Many of the attendants were older and quite a number were in the “over-50” category. Ageism is not a part of this airlines company. I thank American for that. I guess the rest of the country wants to keep old people out of the earthly workforce and American Airlines is complying by keeping my peer group off the earth and into the sky!

Needless to say, we landed in Charlotte on time. After landing, let’s say it could have been worse.

As beautiful and homey as Charlotte airport is, with the over sized rocking chairs to make one feel you are on granny’s front porch, the trek to my next flight—the one to Bentonville, seemed to take forever.

This was a first for me–to see rocking chairs at an airport. I would rather see outlets to plug my phone into!

First of all, after not having anything to drink on the plane, and the effect of those expensive nuts I ate, my mouth was parched. But it was that kind of parched that makes you feel slightly weak and woozy as you are walking. And walking. And walking through a large maze that literally leads from one end of the massive airport to the opposite end. I felt like I was going to get sick. But the thought of spending five bucks for a bottle of water made me feel worse. I went to the ladies room, scooped up water from the wash basin and drank it. Hey. Don’t Judge!

I glanced at the “departures” screen and noticed many “cancelled” flights. The weather really was horrific and stormy. My flight to Bentonville was nowhere on the screen. I was becoming slightly panicky.

One of the reasons I continue to despise not flying direct, but sometimes you just cannot help it!

I walked up to one of the nearest gates and asked the customer rep if she could help me in finding my flight’s gate. Another long walk of shameless exercise. I sat down next to an outlet, plugged my phone in and went to town playing Candy Crush.

More and more flights were cancelled. As I looked out the window onto the tarmac, I could see more than puddles. I could have gone swimming. My flight was going to be delayed by an hour. . Trust me; I didn’t give two shits that it was delayed because I was simply thrilled it wasn’t cancelled. An hour’s delay was almost like an early flight—the weather was that bad. I had visions of Oona being so distraught when she found out about the delay. I texted her. Her reaction was simple “Fine. I’ll be at Happy Hour with my co-workers a bit longer then”.

This–and puddles so deep and wide you could have gone swimming was what the outside of the airport looked like!

As we boarded the plane, my angst started to surface. As I entered, the flight attendant told me I needed to take my suitcase to the “valet” to have it checked in. He saw the fright in my face and he took care of this for me. I couldn’t let go of my suitcase and we had a little bit of a wrist wrestle.

I lost.

If you are a friend of mine and read this blog you are well-aware of my attachment to my luggage. The thought of this suitcase being taken away from me had naughty thoughts about Bonaparte’s clever idea to purchase this little piece of luggage swimming around in my gutter-language brain. I must have come off as the biggest and most pompous bitch as I asked “You mean I have to pick my little suitcase up at baggage claim?”

Obviously this man didn’t know how truly kind and sweet and genuine and saintly I really am—and I felt awful about saying that to him!

But those thoughts were erased as I saw the size—or rather, sizeless of this aircraft! My hips were wider than the width of the aisle. I sat down and as we took off, I said THREE “Acts of Contrition” and a Rosary. This flight was even more bumpy than the first one. I swear to you for a moment there my naturally crossed eyes straightened out!

I really could feel those expensive nuts making their way back up –especially when I saw the inside of this plane! And I was going to be flying in THIS in bad weather!

But in the end—it all worked out fine. We landed safely. I got my little suitcase from baggage claim in a matter of minutes and Oona and I drove out into the barren landscape of the evening to her apartment and started a great few days.

I’ll tell ya’alls—or is it y’alls—or is it yawls- or y’all alls? I definitely know that in Arkansas it isn’t “youse guys” and I want to blend!

I would have to change “youse” to “y’alls”. I think!

Until tomorrow—here’s Steve Miller with one of my favorite travel tunes!

Posted in Travel | Tagged Traveling in bad weather. Humor | 43 Comments

Christmas Comes in February!

Posted on February 2, 2016 by Catherine

Tomorrow is the big day! I’ll be enjoying the Christmas gift that the kids gave me. A trip to Fayetteville, Arkansas to see Oona! Last July, we tearfully bid each other farewell at LaGuardia—a result of her job transfer. Oona’s farewell.

We’ve only seen each other twice since then and it sucks to have your only daughter so far away. But come tomorrow, we’ll argue and make up—many times. She’ll take me to Chrystal Bridges Art Museum. We’ll go out to dinner. We will work out together. I’ll get very sore, but I won’t care.

We will have fun cooking together and doing all things girly. Instead of me, as mother, guiding her. It’ll be my daughter guiding me. That’s kinda cool. And I’m so happy that we have a great relationship. It’s the kind I always wanted to have with my own mother but was never able to achieve!

It’ll be fun to just hang out together! We will even break Paleo to go to Starbucks!

Anyway, I packed and repacked and packed and repacked.

Everything has been taken out of the Longchamp bag…

I took everything out of the Longchamp weekender that I originally planned on taking and transferred the contents into the “suitcase” that Bonaparte bought for me. Actually, that isn’t bad because it has wheels. That’ll be more convenient for me to run to my connecting flight because I know my first flight will be delayed and I’ll make my connection by seconds!

…and packed into this suitcase. I also took out the heavy sweaters. The weather is supposed to be a bit warmer in Arkansas.

My acrylic nails have been well-manicured with a fill-in and polish.

My fake nails are looking very “Barbra Striesand Hands”. Soon it’ll be time for the fake tan!

The mess that Chippy created when went to get my nails done is cleaned up. He is so spoiled that he acts out when I leave without him.

I’ve never had a dog that was so fascinated by garbage as Chippy is…

..but that face. I can’t stay mad at him!

My hair, which I colored on Sunday, is back in a roller set so my hair will be nice and big when I travel!

My hair earlier this morning–I did a roller set on Sunday and it stayed nice and wavy. To reinforce those waves, I’ll keep the rollers in until I go to sleep. Then I’ll put my hair up in a high pony tail and the waves will remain. Beauty is painful. I know this. My head hurts from the bobby pins.

I baked a batch of Momofuku Corn Cookies for Bonaparte to enjoy while I’m away!

I hope he doesn’t eat them all at once! Click on the Momofuku link above for the recipe!

The remainder of the day will have me relaxing—I gotta hit the sack early to be up and at ’em in the morning!

Have fun. Enjoy your upcoming weekend and I’ll report back next week. Don’t forget me!

Chippy is so excitable that he made me think of this great Warren Zevon song. He is a rather excitable boy!

Posted in Mommy and me time., Travel | 34 Comments

I Cover the Crew. Let’s Look at The February J. Crew Style Guide

Posted on January 31, 2016 by Catherine

My J. Crew Style Guide came in the mail this week and I just got around to looking at it.

I’ve been with J. Crew since 1983, the year the catalog line of clothing came to be. I was a regular customer at their flagship store at the South Street Seaport! And I’ve always been a fan—I’ll admit, there were “meh” clothing years and downright “fugly” years where the offerings were horrendous. Regardless, I could still find something that was perfect for me. The clothing that J. Crew has continued to offer are classic with a bit of an edge. A large part of my wardrobe IS from J. Crew–and all at sale pricing!

But lately, I’ve been disillusioned with both the quality of the clothing and the way Jenna “I’m-too-cool-to-dress-conventionally” Lyons seems to be both branding and styling the clothing company that I’ve been loyal to for many years. Jenna Lyons in what could possibly be the most horrific “PANT” of all time. The shirt looks sloppy!

While I admit that this jumpsuit is incredibly impractical–what if you have your period and have to keep rushing to the ladies room to change your tampon, I like the way she looks here. But WTF is it with the pigeon-toed pose? Knock it off. You are an adult! You are not a three year old. It isn’t cute. It’s dopey!

Oh. And might I add that the price point of this once-affordable CHAIN store’s clothing has become almost unreachable to the average person. However, their sales are great—and thusly, I wait until whatever I’m coveting is marked down.

So grab a cup of cawfee, or tea or chai, grab you chair and sit next to me while we take a look at the “J. Crew February Style Guide” together!

I’m channeling my J. Crewness –do you like my Style Guide cover look?

J. Crew is introducing sunglasses in this guide and the glasses have real people names like Jill, Irving, Betty, Ryan, Sam and Jack. Isn’t that funny? Sunglasses have human names and these days humans give their children non-human names like Paris, Dakota, Savannah and Ikea! I’ve heard through the blogosphere that one blogger named her child “Capri”. I’m wondering if she’s a travel writer and named her child after the place. Maybe she’s a fashion blogger and named her child after the pants. Maybe she’s both and killed two birds with one stone!

Can you imagine losing your J. Crew sunglasses and shouting “Where the hell did my damned Sam go?” Some nosey do-gooder will think you are speaking ill of your child and you will be arrested for child abuse when in fact, it’s just a pair of sun glasses!

Look at the prices! I’ve gotten similar sunglasses at TJ Maxx and Nordstrom Rack and spent between $9.99 and $19.99 (for the readers). My glasses all become ruined when I sit on them. Trust me; I know these over-priced sunnies from J. Crew would be broken within two weeks if any of them were in my possession. My fat ass would destroy these in a matter of days!

I paid $19.99 for these “reader” sunglasses at Nordstrom Rack. They are from Kate Spade. I think I’ll name them “Katie”!

This is so cool. All the pages have three digits. Like 009, 021 and 100. If anyone asks my age I’m going to say I’m “zero-six-zero”! My god—the numbers are so stylish!

I’m being catty. Let’s talk outfits. I want to show you just what real style is–according to J. Crew:

Page 009 shows a beautiful model. She’s looking down at the ground with a big smile. I think she saw a ladybug. Anyway, she’s wearing the J. Crew Regent blazer, which I happen to have because Jenna and Millard decided to discontinue my beloved Schoolboy blazer. Notice the way the blazer’s sleeves are pushed up to the elbows. WTF?? Who in their right mind would do that? I can’t stand to have over one inch of shirt sticking out from blazer sleeves but from elbow to wrist? That isn’t style, It’s ridiculous. Besides, the sleeves on the Regent blazer are cut so slim that only a very fitted or light weight shirt can be worn underneath!

Page 009. Beautiful, long-legged slim model on left. She’s looking down at a ladybug. I’m in the center in my Regent blazer and looking at a carpet mite! Look how tight the sleeves on MY Regent blazer are. The fabric on my Uniqlo stripped shirt is thick and my arms hurt. The circulation is being cut off. In the photo on the right, I’m looking down at Chippy. He’s telling me that I look like a moron with the sleeves of my J. Crew Schoolboy blazer pushed up to my elbows. Hey–it’s more comfortable than the Regent blazer!

Pages 010 and 011. That pose is sickening. She looks like she sharted and needs to lower her coat to hide her little mistake. Oops! The necklace–$165.00. Let me tell you, J. Crew’s costume jewelry is WAY overpriced. The gold plate fades. Check out my arm party from J. Crew. There is no reason J. Crew should be charging anywhere near the prices they do for cheap arm and neck baubles!

Our styled model on the left is saying “Oops! I should have never eaten that hot chili last night! Glad my red coat will hide everything till I get home!” The shirt on the right is much nicer–but the price of the cheap necklace is ridiculous!

See how faded the plating is? I’m glad I got it on final sale!

Page 021. The Teddie pant. I’m sorry but the bottom of those pants that pant looks awkward! Don’t even get me started on the sloppiness of the shirt. One cuff rolled, the other unrolled, the quarter tuck out of the pants. What kind of style is this anyway? I call this the “OMG-I-Just-Had-Office-Sex-With-That-Cute-Guy-On-The-Third-Floor” look. This getup would look horrendous on a normal sized body.

That shirt is damn near killing me. And why isn’t this model wearing a belt? Why have belt loops if a belt won’t be worn?

Page 025. This beautiful, incredibly thin and tall model is sitting cross-legged on the floor. She’s wearing a beautiful Chanel-inspired tweed jacket. The price is $198.00. She is also wearing one of the many J. Crew oxford shirts under the jacket, and over the shirt it looks like a Tippi sweater.

I tried to duplicate this fabulous style. I’m wearing my white Uniqlo jeans that I got on sale for $29.00 as opposed to the $89.50 chinos from Crew. My jacket is a Halogen cast-off that I purchased at Nordstrom Rack for $22.00. Underneath the jacket is a J. Crew oxford shirt I got online for somewhere around $25. Over that is a bright pink J. Crew factory cashmere cardigan that I purposely wore backwards. It was a steal on the final clearance rack for $9.99. It remains one of my favorites. OK, so it doesn’t look that bad—but. I could not move my upper body in all those layers. The jacket was so tight and I felt like a stuffed sausage and was completely claustrophic. This look is not for the average-sized or above-average-sized woman. It looks bulky.

My Page 025 look! I think the total price for the entire outfit was less than the J. Crew jacket! All that layering is so cumbersome. What people fail to realize is that as great as the looks are on the models, they may not work on the averaged-sized woman. Don’t forget, the camera ADDS pounds and these models STILL look bone thin!

Page 026. Don’t get me started on this photo shopped mess of a picture. In the first place it is impossible to get your lip in that convoluted “bite” pose. Last time my mouth looked like that I was in the ER at Princeton Medical Center getting my bottom lip sewn back to my face. I had a serious bathtub accident while cleaning. Is she thinking about her style. Or is she thinking about how it is that the party around her neck cost $128.00? I have a gripe with the pricing of the costume jewelry that J. Crew sells but I covered that on Page 011.

Nobody. Not even a contortionist can bite their bottom lip and look like this. ……

..and I’m proof! I was happy to learn that the shirt I’m wearing FINALLY fit me. Paleo is my friend!

Moving on.

Page 030. The shoes. They are gorgeous. J. Crew also has the most uncomfortable heels of all time. All. Time.

How uncomfortable are J. Crew’s heels? Click this purple text and read the post until you get to my shoe debacle in the streets of Paris!

Page 035. This look is just completely wrong on so many levels. In the first place, a tee that baggy doesn’t look flattering on any woman. What is so wrong about wearing a nice fitted tee shirt? And the pocket? Any woman with a cup larger than an “A” will constantly be fussing around with the odd placement of the pocket. It’s sloppy and that half tuck is driving me nuts. And what is the saving grace of that “pant” with the tie-front? It’s a disaster waiting to happen. If the fabric on the tie front gets caught on a chair after a lunch or dinner at a restaurant, there is going to be a train wreck of a mess. What if you are in a rush and exiting a subway car and that dopey tie gets caught in the closing door? I don’t even want a visual.

Ugh. The fucking half-tucked, half out shirt–and that tie. I guess I just have zero zero style!

Page 039. Who is this Gayle? She says that this wide legged pant can be just as flattering as skinny jeans? I want whatever meds she is taking. Does Gayle not realize that some women have really, really thick ankles? Some women have cankles. I’m no stylist, but I can tell you that this pant looks only half-way decent on the model who is wearing them. And that is a stretch!

Sorry Gayle, but I think you are wrong! I don’t think anyone with thick ankles wants to show them off!

Page 041. I Love this outfit. I truly love this outfit. The Teddie sailor pant may be a bit flared at the bottom but I have a soft spot for sailor pants. I have a soft spot for sailors as well. The demin jacket is $128.00. I purchased a very similar denim jacket from the Bass outlet for $39.99. J. Crew is introducing the t-shirt as “The 10 Percent Tee” (What?? No “010” Percent Tee?). The price is $85.00 for the short sleeved and $95.00 for the long sleeved Tee. I have the “90 Percent Tee”. My striped Tee shirt from Uniqlo was $9.99 and is incredibly well-constructed.

This is one of the few looks I’m in love with. But the price of the tee shirt is criminal.

Page 047. It’s impossible to tell what that skirt would look like because of the way the model is sitting. She looks like she’s waiting for Teddie the Sailor to take his pant off and make his way up her love canal. Can’t we just stand up straight to see what the skirt really looks like? Must we sit like a drunken college coed getting ready for the walk of shame?

I can’t even tell what this skirt looks like because of this vulgar pose. I guess it’s more stylish to not be able to see it correctly!

Page 051. The Marti Pant. I actually have these pants this pant, I think. I have so many J. Crew pants I can’t tell one from the other anymore. This outfit isn’t bad at all. I’m complaining about the dumb-ass pigeon-toed pose. It isn’t cute. It isn’t attractive. It isn’t adorable. One of my cousins had to wear a bar across her feet and ugly shoes to keep her feet from going inwards. This was another look I duplicated. Bonaparte liked it very much because of the shoes I was wearing. I’ve had the shoes for years but I always trip in them. They are a danger. Besides, I find this look to be better matched for a woman with incredibly long and thin legs. I look dumpy.

Believe me, I didn’t aspire to be pigeon-toed here, I almost fell! Bonaparte liked this look a lot–on me! But I think it looks a little dumpy because my size 8 pants look enormous compared to ol’ Flamingo legs next to me! BTW, that’s the $39.99 denim jacket I mentioned a few pages up!

Page 052. This Gayle person is getting on my last nerve. Check out her quote. I tried in vain to duplicate this look. I ended up wearing a chambray, J. Crew Factory popover shirt over a sleeveless dress I got on sale at Loft. I couldn’t even zip the dress up. Mind you, the dress is a size 8 and fits me perfectly on its own. I look like a house in this. This is a look that is made for a woman whose diet consists of Diet Coke and Marlboro Lights. End of story.

Yeah Gayle. Only if you are a size 000000!

You can see from my picture on the right–that’s what REALLY happens when a normal woman tries to layer a shirt under a dress! Good God, I look pregnant! Maybe it’s my stance!

Pages 062 and 063. What to Wear to Work. Not these two gets ups—that’s for sure.

No. Just no! I don’t know anyone, young or old who would wear that pastel pink number with sneakers to the office!

I’m sorry but that drop waist dress in heather gray, which looks more like a light swampy green, would not look good on any woman young or old who has an ample ass or ample hips. The sleeves. What happened to proper short-sleeves? These sleeves are more of a longer capped sleeve and that is not attractive on any set of arms! This is the opposite of style.

Now, I realize that many offices have gone casual business. I don’t consider Tretorn sneakers to be casual business. In fact, Tretorns do not belong anywhere near an office. If your office is on the ferry over to Fire Island—OK, then you are justified in the sneakers. And the baby pink? We are not little girls on our way to a birthday party. Leave the pastels to the little babies. A more appropriate Navy or black would be far more stylish.

Pages 066 and 067. Both are beautiful. I would wear the navy ensemble to work any day—if I had a job. I love the length of the skirt and I have the shirt—I got it on sale and it didn’t fit for a long time. Now it fits again! I love that tweed dress too. It is a beautiful look for a woman of any age!

Now we’re talkin’ proper office attire. Both of these looks are great and within a decent price range.

I stopped looking when I reached pages 068 and 069. The thought of wearing a party dress with sneakers threw me over the edge. The dresses are hideous anyway. They just are not pretty nor do they look as though they would flatter any shape other than the ten-foot, 95 pound models.

I stopped looking at the ~~catalog~~ Style Guide here. Sneakers with a party dress? I can see bare feet–but sneakers. That’s pushing it!

Every so often, J. Crew would patronize us old people by sneaking in the obligatory old person in the catalog or Style Guide. A few of the past issues had spreads with the beautiful and old Lauren Hutton. I say bring her back! Please! Not all customers of J. Crew are young—they are of all ages (i.e. OLD PEOPLE) and love the classic clothing.

Bring this woman back! Unretouched, natural, old-lady beauty. I love her! Better yet, put Hutton in CHARGE of the future Style Guides!

I don’t mind when somebody suggests how to wear or style an outfit, but the tone of the J. Crew Style Guide is just arrogant and self-righteous. Show outfits in the simplest form—or at least in a more realistic way.

Maybe Millard Drexler needs to give Jenna Lyons and Gayle their pastel-pink slips on that Style Guide!

For some strange reason I can’t stop thinking about the Amy Winehouse song “F*ck Me Pumps” today. Maybe it’s because I think J. Crew is fucking with me!

Posted in Amy Winehouse, Don't tell me how to dress!, J. Crew Style Guide, Jenna lyons | Tagged Fashion, J. Crew, Style | 31 Comments

I Banish Thee To Room 101

Posted on January 30, 2016 by Catherine

Public employment contributes neither to advantage nor happiness. It is but honorable exile from one’s family and affairs.” Thomas Jefferson. A long time ago.

You cannot imagine how joyful and filled with glee I was to be nominated for the Room 101 award.

Now THIS is a fun and unconventional award. Right up my alley!

My blogger sister in crime, Carol, from Writeful Mind bestowed this delightful honor on my yesterday. Just as I was feeling the bad mommy pangs and laughing hysterically at a photo I took of my son. And still laughing about it.

Seriously, only a truly awful mother would take photos of her child like this and continue to laugh for over 26 years every time she sees this! I should be banished to Room 101!

What makes me so happy is that I get to banish five things, people, events, and any “whatevers” that bother the living shit out of me to a Room with other exiles.

In other words. I get to bitch and complain and be completely respected and validated about this!!! The only issue with this is that my banishments are limited to five. I could go on and on.

Anyway, here are the five I banish into Room 101. The Room of Doom!

The Republican Party Candidates Who Want To Be Considered For Presidential Nomination: I’m also including Sarah Palin in this because she’s the object of their love and lust in this political gang-bang. Seriously. This circus is an embarrassment to the United States of America. Not a one of them speak of what they will do for these United States of America. Nothing about stopping the criminalization of Health Insurance Companies. Nothing about ageism. Nothing about the student loan issue. All they do is blab on and on and on and on and fist pump about war and hate and terrorism and hate. Whenever they run out of hateful things to say, they rely on Jesus. They also feel it is more important to throw shade at each other rather than face any really important issues. Jesus ain’t gonna help you morons, no matter how much you try to bring him into your platforms.

The circus of hate and ignorance. Wait? Where’s Donald?

Hey Donald, I hope you aren’t cheating on your beautiful foreign wife, Melanoma with the cancer known as Palin!

HR Princesses and Queens: Oh I am dying to throw these bitches into Room 101! Guess what? You are NOT the owner of the corporation that employs you. In fact, when your large corporation merges with another, YOU will be one of the first to get fired! You all think you are high and mighty—and the smug tone that you carry while you are interviewing is downright condescending. Are you that threatened by older women? Do you think it is ok for you to dismiss anyone over 50 years old? I laugh at your banishment because one day, you will be old and wrinkled and hopefully, you will lose a job and find out what it is like to be treated like shit from another, younger HR princess or queen!

Even Willie Wonka knows all about HR ! Maybe he’s thrown them in the Chocolate River!

Fashion Magazines, Cosmetic Companies, and Clothing Designers: I had to group you all together because you are basically sororities of all things that make real women feel intimidated. You make us feel worthless and ugly and fat. Anna Wintour, listen to Grace Coddington. She hates the fact that you have celebrities on your cover month after month after year. I stopped buying Vogue after Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were on Vogue’s cover. You, Ms. Wintour, have managed to take Diana Vreeland’s classy fashion monthly and turn it into the “National Inquirer” of the rag trade. In addition, I’m tired of cosmetic companies advertising for anti-aging creams and other potions, and lotions on twenty-year old, airbrushed, photo shopped faces to falsely advertise results. Real women, no matter how much goo we put on our faces, have little lines. We have scars and we have spots, blotches, freckles and flaws. Real is beautiful.Clothing designers—its bad enough you use girls who cannot even afford to or even want to buy some of your designs, but why do you insist on using underfed, 7-foot tall skeletons of women? Real women have tits and ass and short legs and some have blubber guts and some have teeny-tiny guts. It would be great to see how these clothes look on normal women before we get into the car, deal with traffic, look for a parking space at the mall only to arrive at Nordstrom, try the clothing on that you made and find out that we look horrible in those same designs that looked fabulous on those human Q-tips!

Diana Vreeland is probably rolling over in her designer grave right now. I’m pretty sure she would agree with me that Wintour is a celebrity pimp!

Ageism: Yeah. The “Ism” that nobody speaks of. Well, I’m speaking about it. In fact, I’m banishing you to Room 101 so you can have a lovefest with those HR bitches. All the agists belong here!

That’s right OLD lives DO matter! End Ageism!

Fundamental Fake Christians: Forget the room. This group needs a Condo 101 to be banished to. That’s right. All you Duggar’s, friends of Duggars and Gothard following fundies and more. You. Are. Banished. Oh yeah. You pretend to be good god-fearing individuals and you can recite passages from that man-made story book known as The Bible. But you don’t practice those words. You spew hatred, just like the Republicans and Conservatives, toward Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Gays, Transsexuals, Planned Parenthood and any other group that doesn’t fall into your phoney ideology.

Their phoney smiles try to hide their hateful ideology! The entire Duggar family is now banished to Room 101. I hope it’s a small room and you are all incredibly uncomfortable!

The spirit of Hipster Jesus is NOT with you. The spirit of Adolf Hitler seems to be more in tune with your souls.

That’s right you fake-Christian fundies. Hipster Jesus is a BFF of mine. HE knows how full of shit you are. He told me! We had a few glasses of wine last night while listening to Jesus Jones!

Oh. For my nominations:

Haylee of Aloada Bobbins

Madeleine of Sshh, Maddy is Writing

Linda of Spiritual Dragonfly

Spear of Spearfruit

Turtle from TheTurtleWay

If you haven’t already, click on the links for these blogs—always entertaining!

Oh for the Rules:

Thank the blogger (Your’s truly) who nominated you. Then award 5 bloggers who fascinate, intrigue or tickle your curiosity with the Room 101 award badge logo and link their “About” and link them to your post. Attach these rules to your post. 5. Grab the badge and place on your trophy case!

Listen. All I want is peace and love. I want a more Hippie like environment. We need to change for the better. Right here. Right now. Oh..that’s what Hipster Jesus and I were listening to last night:

Posted in Uncategorized | 25 Comments

Atypical 60

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