Atypical 60

Diary of a Snowed- In, Crazed Old Lady

Posted on January 28, 2016 by Catherine

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Dear Diary:

Today marks the 7^th day that I’ve been indoors. I’ve only been outside to shovel the one scoop of snow before Bonaparte lovingly threw my fat ass back in the warmth of the chateau. I’ve also been outside to allow my beautiful designer rescue dog, Chippy, to do his business.

I am going stir crazy.

When I woke up this morning, I turned on the TV to greet my two delusional BFF’s. Matt O’Donnell and Tamla Edwards, the co-anchors of 6Action News.

Matt O’Donnell and Tamla Edwards are anchor rock stars. Oona and I used to watch them in the morning before she went to school. These days I watch my delusional best friends with Chippy! BTW, Matt’s hair looks epic here. Tamla’s hair always looks great!

I knew something was seriously wrong with my state of mind when I started a conversation with the both of them. And they answered me back.

Me: Ugh. Matt. Did you get a HAIRCUT?? OMG. It’s so short!

Matt: And a good morning to you too, Cathe. As a matter of fact, I DID get my hair cut.

Tamla: Cathe. That’s really rude. I think Matt’s hair looks fine.

Me: Knock it off Tamla. Matt needs fuller and bigger hair. Besides—he’s in a rock band. He NEEDS longer hair. Am I right??

Tamla: (sighs and turns to Matt). Matt, I’m afraid Cathe is right. Your hair DOES look better a bit longer.

Matt: Great! (Eyeroll of disgust), How can I anchor the news knowing my hair isn’t right?

Me: Go over to CBS and ask Jim Donovan. HE has the best news hair in the entire universe.

Yeah. That’s right. Jim Donovan IS the man of the blessed hair. I am now referring to him as St. James of the Divine Tresses. I think I’ll start praying to him for better hair days! Do you know how stressful it is for me to jump from Matt and Tam on 6ABC to St. James on CBS? My fingers sweat from clicking the remote!

Bonaparte, upon placing my morning cup of coffee in my delicate and fragile hand, kindly reminded me to perhaps get up out of bed, take a bath, shave my legs and get dressed. Ehhh? He didn’t have to see clients until later this afternoon. He suggested that perhaps after he drove his granddaughter to school, we could run some errands together.

Was Bonaparte suggesting that my six-day, non-washed hair and unshaved legs were a sign of no self-respect? Probably, but I love the way my hair looks when it gets dirty. Would St. James of the Divine Tresses think otherwise? Eww. My lips are so chapped!

I thought that would be a great idea since I needed to buy hair dye to color my roots. I mean, I’m leaving on a jet plane next week to visit Oona. I can’t go to see my daughter with gray white roots!

Before I sat my blubbery body down into the deep, hot, bubbly water of the tub, I glanced at my naked body. Hmmmm..I think the Paleo lifestyle may be working. My waist looked a bit more indented—and I wasn’t sucking it in!

After I took my bath and dried off, I ran into the bowels of my closet where I have my “displaced” wardrobe. Those are clothes that no longer fit, but I can’t bring myself to get rid of them because I want to wear them when I’m skinny again. Among the clothing is an old pair of original J. Crew Pixie Pants. The good ones that were made before Jenna Lyons and Drexler decided to go cheapy. These stretch but haven’t fit me in quite some time because my thighs and butt grew at an enormous rate.

You have no idea how happy I was that my “ORIGINAL” J. Crew Pixie pants slid over my thighs and around my butt. I’m thrilled. Maybe one of these years my old size 6 clothing will fit again!

Holy shit! They fit beautifully. I was so happy that I wanted to eat a Sundae made with Pecan Praline ice cream, gobs of chocolate hot fudge, salted walnuts and topped with whipped cream. Then I realized that on Paleo I cannot eat dairy or sugar. I opted for swallowing saliva instead.

Diary. Today is Throw Back Thursday on Facebook!!!!! I have to look through old photos to post. Ohhhh. I found some old pics of the kids and realized that I truly, compared to today’s entitled parents raising entitled children, was a bad mother! I let my kids eat pizza and McDonald’s at such a young age—and allowed them to wash it all down with soda! I let them play with dangerous toys, such as Ghostbusters pop guns. OMG. How did my kids ever survive?

I don’t know what’s worse–the fact that I held a birthday for Jake at Mc Donalds, or that I took pics of Roman eating pizza at three years old and THEN saw a Kodak moment when he held his soda like a drunk on a bender. No. What’s worse is that I’m still laughing at that bottom photo.

To make matters worse, I allowed my children to eat unassisted, like little animals shoving their faces into cake no less. CAKE!! AND IT ISN’T GLUTEN-FREE! Man, I really sucked at the mommy skills. Look at Jake at his half-birthday (note the “half” cake and “half” hat and “half” candle)..he’s going after the flame!

I also let Oona devour cake half naked. Screw that. I’m not getting those little girl designer clothes from alphabet city get dirty. Go naked and eat. What will the fundie Christians think of me????

I also allowed my boys to feed vicious wild animals and go swimming in the Atlantic ocean by themselves!

Oh wait! For being such a bad mommy, look how happy the kids are! Damn, I may have been bad mommy, but I sure knew how to have fun with the kids!

I decided to play around with my eye makeup. God knows what possessed me, but I applied orange eye shadow on my lids. It looked horrific but I didn’t care. The eye shadow is part of a Stila compact that I love and the orange looks pretty good when I’m fake-tanned and bronzed during the summer. I look like Jackie-O-Lantern.

How disgusting is this orange eye shadow? It’s so pitiful that I didn’t even bother to wipe the mascara off my upper lid. Its a sign that my lashes are growing back! I really need to trash that orange shadow. I’m shocked that Bonaparte never mentioned anything about it!

The snow is still here and not going anywhere so I decided to wear my Unisa boots that are dupes for the iconic Stuart Weitzman 50/50 Boots . I can’t afford the 50/50’s but the Unisa Boots were under forty bucks on sale at DSW so who cares if they get ruined by the snow? Am I right?

Isn’t this photo melange so fashion blogger-friendly? Look at the bottom photo, I even got the pidgeon-toed pose down pat! Seriously, these Unisa boots were a great buy!

I’m so inferior. As a blogger, I should be able to have a professional photographer take photos of me in my entire narcissistic splendor. Instead I have to rely on my iPhone and my crossed eyes that are constantly out of focus. C’est la vie!

When we got to route 422, the bane of existence for anyone who has to drive to work, I noticed that at 9:45 in the morning, traffic was at a standstill. I was secretly giddy with delight! I went to twirl my imaginary moustache with a “Nya ha haaa”, but realized that I needed a lip wax when I was actually able to twirl the hair above my lip!

Dick Dastardly isn’t the only one who can twirl a moustache!

It’s a good thing Bonaparte was with me to run errands. I would have spent a fortune of his money at Sally Beauty Supply had I been on my own. Instead, I lucked out on a twofer on the hair dye that I use! I picked up another teasing comb so I could throw it into my carry on bag for next week’s trip…

Ladies. Please. If you must have but one comb to tease you hair, THIS is the comb to get. It’s under three bucks and makes incredibly big hair. Remember, the higher the hair, the closer to Hipster Jesus!

Speaking of which, the second I got into the car, Bonaparte mentioned that we should go next door to TJ Maxx and look for a piece of “proper” carry on luggage. I knew very well what he meant. He wanted me to get a small suitcase. I explained that I LOVE my Longchamp weekender. I’ve grown much attached to it as I’m like a pit bull. Very territorial.

So to please my Frenchman, I agreed to lurk through all the “last season” cast offs at TJ’s. I found a cute little Silly-Putty colored carry on suitcase by Guess. This is actually a good thing. It isn’t black. Everyone and their sister has a black suitcase so the light color will be easier to spot—especially if some asshole tries to run off with it. The other thing is that it’ll get filthy and dirty a lot quicker and who wants to steal a filthy dirty suitcase?

I love the color, it’s like “Silly Putty” and it’ll match my nude Repetto ballet flats and light tan Nan & Nin bag! I’ll travel just like royalty!

Bonaparte made the mistake of asking me asked if I needed anything else. While we were there I picked up some inexpensive panties and a bra. I threw in one of those travel neck pillows for good luck and comfort!

This Calvin Klein Bra is good for under button-down shirts because it isn’t that padded so the buttons will lie smoothly. All of this is in my bag for next week’s trip!

Off to Barnes & Noble next. Bonaparte picked up a couple of books. He’s very deep. He picked up books that I would never read. He asked me if I wanted anything and I said “No”. Diary, I really fear there is something seriously wrong with me. Nothing at Barnes and Noble struck me as anything I wanted to read. I hope it isn’t my appendix. What side is my appendix on anyway? I could have found something to read.

I HAD to take a photo of this. Look at the placement. My hat is off to the person who did this. I’m wondering how many people passed this and got a good chuckle?

And suddenly, I had a craving for beef liver. I’m telling you. This Paleo thing is making me crave offal an awful lot! I’m dreaming of liver, kidneys and tongue! The snow has gotten to me in more ways than one—I’ll tell you that much! The other day I almost got into a fist fight with the meat person at the KOP Wegman’s. I asked if the pretend “Butcher” had any beef or calves liver. The guy looked at me as though I was crazy (which I am) and smugly told me that they throw the fresh liver in the trash. The only liver they had was frozen.

Fucktard.

I walked over to the frozen meat section and there was no liver. Then I went to Giant supermarket and they didn’t have fresh liver either.

Today we went to Acme in Paoli. The store has a real butcher. Not a pretend one like Wegman’s. I asked the butcher if they had fresh beef or calves liver. They didn’t. All they had was frozen.

How come stores don’t sell fresh liver anymore? I know that I am NOT the only person on Philly’s Main Line who is on Paleo so where is the offal? I’m awfully upset!

I picked up a pack of frozen liver and broccoli rabe. That’s my dinner for tonight and I cannot wait to eat. I’m so hungry that Chippy is beginning to resemble a hot dog—but hot dogs are processed food so I wouldn’t be able to eat him anyway.

Chippy ran downstairs after he saw that mad look in my eyes. No Chippy, I won’t eat you!

Diary, I’m earning “brownie points” today. When we arrived home, Bonaparte asked me if I was going to take a drive to the outlets. I mentioned earlier that I would probably spend my afternoon walking around the outdoor shops.

I told Bonaparte that I didn’t want to be tempted to spend his money. I may be a crazed old woman but like Eliza Doolittle, I’m a good girl, I am! Either that or I really am seriously ill!

Yeah. I’m a real Eliza Doolittle!

Oh,Diary. The snow has turned me into a stir-crazed woman, but it’s nice to be here with Chippy and a nice cuppa tea on this late January day! I’m very optimistic that it won’t snow for the rest of the season.

How optimistic am I? I’ve been singing this Shirley Temple song all afternoon. Pathetic that I know all the words: “Be Optomistic” from Little Miss Broadway and starring The Brian Sisters! BE OPTOMISTIC Everyone!! XOXOXO

I want that outfit!

Holocaust Stories. A Family Torn Apart

Posted on January 27, 2016 by Catherine

Today is National Holocaust Day. I’m on the fence about this because the Holocaust shouldn’t have just one day of remembrance. We should always have a piece of this placed in our memory bank—whether Jewish or not.

It shouldn’t be remembered for just one day.

Being a writer, I’m on the internet. A lot. Doing all sorts of research. And the internet is rife with news of reality show participants who think they are celebrities. Betheny Frankel of Real Housewives of New York’s face was splattered all over the net due to a rant she had about K-Mart and some of the help speaking Spanish.

Andie MacDowell, the former model-turned-Hallmark-Channel-actress, ranted publicly because she was downgraded from first class into what she called “tourist” class. Granted, the airlines made an error in downgrading her because of her dog, but to smugly call anyone not in first class “tourist”—is vulgar and entitled. Remember Andie—your voice was dubbed in “Greystoke—The Legend of Tarzan”. (Now there’s an important movie *cough*).

Then we have the Oscar boycott. I swear on my mother’s grave, my hand to God, it is easier to find celebrity information than it is to find detailed information and other lesser-known nuances about the of The Holocaust, WWII, and Nazi-occupied France!

And as the years go by, it seems that the Holocaust fades into history and almost becomes forgotten.

As a young student in Catholic school, we became aware of the fact that Jews were exterminated by Hitler and his Nazis. But we were never taught about the atrocities—the inhumane medical experiments, the treatment of Jews in concentration camps, the way their bodies were starved and beaten and upon death from the gas chambers or ovens, the way their bodies were thrown into trenches.

Starved prisoners, nearly dead from hunger, pose in concentration camp in Ebensee, Austria. The camp was reputedly used for “scientific” experiments. It was liberated by the 80th Division. May 7, 1945. Lt. A. E. Samuelson. (Army)
NARA FILE #: 111-SC-204480
WAR & CONFLICT BOOK #: 1103

Although we were made aware of the horrors of the camps, we were never told about what really took place.

I have Jewish relatives and friends, but have never really spoken with either in –depth on how the Holocaust had or may have affected their families.

Bonaparte, however, was born in 1944. Just as the Nazi occupation in France was ending.

His family was greatly affected. And what I’m writing is just one of many, many family stories. It may not be as horrific as others, but in the words of Bonaparte’s father, Dany “The war tore families apart. It destroyed our family”

Bonaparte, on the right with his sister, Isabelle and mother Evie. This photo was taken when the family was still recovering from the devastation of the Nazi Occupation in France.

Bonaparte’s paternal grandmother, Muse, was Jewish and was fortunate enough to have escaped to England.

Muse, Bonaparte’s fraternal grandmother was incredibly lucky to have escaped to England.

Not much has been said about Bonaparte’s grandfather, J. H. Lartigue, the photographer.

Dany Lartigue, as a boy, with his father in his studio.

Dany, Bonaparte’s father, escaped STO, Service du Travail Obligatoire three times—finally making the trek by foot to Switzerland for freedom.

Bonaparte’s maternal grandfather, Andre Girard, founded the CARTE Network and was extremely active in The Resistance. He was also fortunate enough to be summoned to England and avoid arrest, but his wife’s fate was far worse.

Andre Girard, Bonaparte’s maternal grandfather, was very active in The Resistance, helping Jews to escape the Nazis.

Girard, a talented artist, moved to Nyack, NY after the war ended. He moved there thinking that his wife, Andrée had been murdered in Ravensbrück. She wasn’t. Andrée was one of only 15,000 who survived until the liberation. War wore the couple down completely.

This image, from Getty, is only one of the many photos of what happened at Ravensbruck. There are no more words…

Andrée, who was Catholic, was arrested by the Gestapo and sent to Ravensbrück concentration camp and onto Theresienstadt in Czechoslovokia. She was sent to Theresienstadt in error—and it was a move that saved her life.

Andree Girard’s life was actually ironically saved by being transferred from Ravensbruck to Theresienstadt. Surviving one camp is a feat that many have–but surviving two is nothing short of a miracle.

Entrance to Theresienstadt. The above reads “Work Makes You Free”. It’s so pathetic.

She finally returned to Paris when the War ended and was reunited with her daughters at The Hotel Lutetia. Danièle told me, other than the birth of her son, the day her mother returned was the happiest day of her life.

Thousands of displaced persons and those freed from camps found a safe haven at the Hotel Lutetia. Each time I pass it, I always think of what Bonaparte’s grandmother must have thought as she returned here to Paris.

Bonaparte’s aunt, Danièle and I had a few conversations about the family’s years during the Occupation. She told me that whenever she heard a German accent she became terrified—and she told me this just a couple of years ago. Well into her eighties, she still feared that accent.

Daniele Delorme poses in Paris, France, in November 2011. Photo by Vim/ABACAPRESS.COM | 296757_004

Daniele and I had many conversations about her time during WWII. She and her sisters were so young to have gone through what they did—I cannot imagine today’s young people having the strength that all off the young people throughout Europe had during those days.

She told me of the uncertainty of being in the “Free Zone”. With her father, André, in England, and her mother, Andrée, arrested and in Ravensbrück, the four sisters, Evie (Bonaparte’s mother), Danièle, Théote, and Marguerite were on their own, being split with relatives and family friends in Antibes and other areas of the South.

The girls had no mother to teach them object lessons about life. It was during the time in the Free Zone that Danièle became interested in theatre. And that interest is what could have gotten her mother arrested. Danièle’s first “boyfriend” was Gérard Philipe, who would go on to become one of the greatest French actors. Danièle and the Girard family always believed that it was Philipe’s parents who informed the Gestapo of the whereabouts of Andrée and her being arrested by the Gestapo when she boarded a train for Paris.

Other than the fear, Danièle was always visibly uncomfortable talking about the days of the Nazi occupation in France. She was lucky too, because she was too young and feisty to realize what the Nazi’s could have done to her after she narrowly escaped arrest as well.

Dany, Bonaparte’s dad, doesn’t speak of it at all—only to say that it destroyed their family.

Dany Lartigue, last summer. Every time I see him he ALWAYS mentions how the war destroyed the family.

Hate is an evil emotion. Hitler’s hatred for Jews destroyed much more than families. His hatred almost destroyed an entire culture and wreaked havoc on civilization. All this from the hatred spewed from one person. Hate kills. Hate maims. Hate destroys.

We must remember this because at present, hatred is rearing its ugly little head –in politics, in religious ideology, in antisemitism. This hatred cannot grow. It will never be destroyed but perhaps it can be buried and kept at bay.

If you want to learn a bit more about the Nazi occupation in France and the atrocities of the disgusting Nazi Party the horrors of Hitler, there are many documentaries and films on this subject. I recommend the following:

le Chagrin et la Pitie, The Sorrow and The Pity, is an excellent documentary focusing on Vichy. Children of the Chabannes is REMARKABLE–it is about a school in one of France’s remote southern areas. The staff took in children from all over Europe and it is so uplifting and special. It tells of the kindness that was shown during the war. Night and Fog is a short–a little over a half hour. It is really intense but people need to see what kinds of horrors this war brought about.

In addition, if you visit Washington DC, The Holocaust Museum is a must-see. If you are visiting Paris, The Mémorial de la Shoah is one museum that should also be a must see. The French hold no punches and it is an alarming yet necessary place to visit. We really cannot forget what evil viciousness that mankind is capable of.

Thank you for reading this post today. My apologies for not adding my usual humorous tone but this isn’t a subject to be taken lightly. And please remember to click on the links that I’ve added.

My love to you all and my wishes for peace in our world. Let’s save ourselves!

Posted in Andre Girard, Andree Girard, Daniele Delorme, Dany Lartigue, France, J. H. Lartigue, Nazi Occupation of France, Paris France, Ravensbruck, The Holocaust | Tagged Family stories of the Holocaust, How the Holocaust affected families, International Holocaust Remembrance Day 2016, Nazi Occupation in France | 42 Comments

The Old Lady and the Mediterranean Sea. Or Why Do I Stress Over Packing?

Posted on January 26, 2016 by Catherine

She was an old lady who traveled with her Frenchman in a plane in the sky and she had gone eighty-four days now without failing to stress about her luggage. In the first forty days her Frenchman had been annoyed with her. But after forty days the Frenchman had told her that the old lady was now definitely and finally fou, which is the worst form of emotional state to be in. The Frenchman sad to see the old lady spend time each day with her luggage opened and closed; opened and closed. And he always suffered while he observed her obsession.

The old lady was not thin and gaunt, but she was with deep wrinkles in the front of her neck. She called this her “turkey neck” The brown blotch of the benevolent skin cancer the sun brings from its reflection on the tropic sea had been erased from her forehead some years ago by MOHS surgery. She had a scar. She also had a scar from a horrific bathroom accident. It occurred while cleaning the bathtub.. But none of these scars were fresh. They were as old as a well-worn pair of Bass Weejuns the old lady had since her high school days.

Everything about her was old except her crossed eyes and they were the same murky greenish-brown color as the dirty Atlantic Ocean and her Frenchman’s eyes were as blue as the Mediterranean Sea. Both sets of eyes were cheerful and undefeated….

Yes. While shoveling Bonaparte’s car out of the deep piled carpet that Snowmageddon left us, I thought about how I inspired Hemingway to write “The Old Man and The Sea”. Great minds think alike!

YOU may know him as “Papa” Hemingway. But in my delusional mind, he’s just Ernie! He’s giving me “that look” again. Ernie. You are a little devil you!

I lied. I really didn’t inspire him. My delusions and daydreams had me inspiring Ernest Hemingway. But I got to thinking. And you know how in my world one thought randomly leads to another. I started thinking about my travels throughout France, Ireland, Australia and domestic USA trips and my luggage woes!

I’m a very territorial old broad you know. Maybe it’s because I grew up in a large family and it was every member of the wild pack of wolves, sibling for themselves. Yes. That’s it! I remember one of my sisters borrowing criminally stealing my clothing and lending them to her friends. I want my shit with me!

I’m in front. Behind me, Theresa, Tommy, Germaine and Pete! We all look alike!

And if you read my post about the infamous luggage debacle from a few years back, you can understand just why I’m a bit OCD about my suitcase! The Trouble With Travels

Anyway, I’m going to be leaving in a week to visit Oona in Arkansas. The kids gifted me at Christmas with a round trip ticket. It’ll be a fun “Mommy and Me” visit –especially when we play the game “How Many Times Will We Argue and Make Up?” All kiddin’ aside, I’m looking forward to seeing my baby.

Looking foward to a fun visit with Oona! I hope I don’t run into any Duggars while in Arkansas. I just may start an ugly scene and do NOT want to embarass my daughter!

But. I AM stressing over packing. It’s a Wednesday through Sunday trip and naturally everything will fit in my carry on. I am in love with my Longchamp weekender. This bag can hold a house!

I LOVE this Longchamp weekender. I picked it up at CDG, just moments before we boarded the plane to return from Paris. Do NOT dismiss airport shops. You can get the greatest deals. I paid 43 euros for this–which is a steal!! Airport shopping is the greatest! You are welcome!

Here’s how I’m stuffing packing.

I have to throw in some underwear—but first I have to get up off my lazy ass and do some laundry in order to complete that task!

Hair products? I have a travel sized Toppik to sprinkle on my bald spots. I’ll bring my teasing comb and some hair ties. That’s it. Oona has plenty of hairspray. Besides, my hair looks so much better the dirtier it gets!

My little travel sized Toppik will last me for the time I’m in Arkansas!

Makeup and skin care: That gets packed last and goes on top of everything. I place it in a plastic garbage bag to ensure against leakage. Kind of like a “Depends” for cosmetics!

My makeup bag will go in last..but I’ll put it in …

A large white plastic garbage bag to ensure against any leakage onto clothing. The “Depends” of travel!

My journals will be in my oversized purse—as will be pens and colored pencils.

Thank goodness I organized my writing equipment. I’m NOT taking a direct flight so I’ll have loads of time to write!

My lounging/PJ/slob clothing always travels with me! Just in case I forget who I am, my NY Tee shirt!

The plush leggings from Primark that I picked up for Oona. She LOVES these!

An extra pair of MY Primark shaper leggings to suck my ripples and wrinkles inward!

My *cough* “Workout” ensemble. Oona is taking me to her gym. I haven’t worn this get up in over ~~a year~~ two years.

Workout clothing and lounging clothes will go in this little thingy. It makes for easier packing and gives the bottom of my carry on a bit more structure!

I’m bringing one pair of skinny jeans. I’m so happy that my size 8’s fit again!

One Old Navy Fitted White Tee. I bought so many of these last summer (because they were on sale for four bucks each) that I still haven’t worn them all. The size “S” fits like a glove. Downsize the Tee’s or they will be too loose and sloppy looking!

OK. See this outfit? Primark Shaper Leggings, Boots and a nice tunic shirt I picked up at Nordstrom Rack. I was going to wear this on the plane. NOTE TO SELF: REMIND BONAPARTE TO POLISH MY BOOTS! But I had a change of plans. I’ll wear the leggings and the boots and I’ll pack the tunic shirt and wear it when we go out to dinner on Saturday night..but……

I’ll wear the black sweater on the plane and pack the Navy Sweater…

And I’ll wear my old-worn in, six-year old Tory Burch Reva flats until I get through the TSA, then I’ll put the boots on and put these in my carry on. Makes sense?

I’ll also wrap this lightweight wool scarf from J. Crew around my neck. I don’t like to travel with heavy scarfs and this is the perfect weight!

Last but not least, my navy J. Crew Schoolboy blazer. If the weather is somewhat warm in Arkansas, I don’t want to be traipsing around in a heavy coat! Ugh. the blazer doesn’t look that great from the photo. It never ceases to amaze me how other bloggers seem to have professional photos. HTF can they afford it?

The best thing about this is that after I return home, the carry on will be left out and slowly—very slowly, I’ll be adding items for my summer trip to the Cote d’Azur. It should be easy. The apartment has a washing machine and we spend a lot of time at the beach so I don’t need much! If I lose enough weight, I’ll only need the bottom of my swimsuits anyway!

I have five more months to obsess! That Bonaparte is one lucky man!

I’m in the mood for more Michel Polnareff today: La Poupee qui fait non!

Posted in Gap, Hemingway, J. Crew, Longchamp, Packing that carry on, Primark Leggings, The Carry On Bag, Travel | Tagged The Carry On Bag, Travel | 10 Comments

Move Over Josephine! Bonaparte is Mine!!! (The Story of how a New York Girl and Parisian Man Met)

Posted on January 26, 2016 by Catherine

This gallery contains 16 photos.

I’ve had a few inquiries of how Bonaparte and I met. It was a post that I wrote when I first started blogging. So..without further adieu (screw the spelling–I’m working on another post). I present…..

More Galleries | 6 Comments

Snowmageddon 2016!

Posted on January 24, 2016 by Catherine

Snow is so much better when you have children at home. I remember a couple of past Snowmageddons. One, in particular, was when we were living in New York City. It was tons of fun because when you live in a major city, you don’t have to worry about shoveling. The super does it for you. Alternate side-of-the-street is suspended which means you have a beaut of a parking spot that nobody can take and you cannot get a ticket for at least a week. By the time the rule goes back in place, the snow has melted and you are free to bitch and complain about NOT getting a space and how much better it is when it snows.

Roman. Snowmageddon 1991. NYC. Isn’t that snow suit adorable? It was a hand-me-down from one of Jake’s wealthy St. Ignatius friends. Roman had the best hand-me-down clothes that I would otherwise never have been able to afford!

The other thing is the neighborhoodness of snow in the city. Everyone is out and about having a great time. The parks are crowded with kids and parents and everyone is noisy and sliding down little city hills. It’s greatness!

When we lived in New Jersey, it seemed that whenever the heavy snow hit, my ex-husband was always conveniently away on a business trip. No worries though because I had my shoveling strategy put into place. I would go out and start shoveling the driveway, alternating with Jake and Roman. We would take turns on the hour so the snow in the driveway never got really deep.

Oona enjoying the big snow of ’96!

Jake and Roman enjoying the hill in the backyard. Ever the New Yorker, shortly after this snow storm, we had a fence built. So many kids were sliding down the hill that I feared one would get hurt and some asshole would sue!

It was fun sliding down the hill in the back yard, building snowmen and forts and achieving near frostbite. That feeling you get when your face is so cold that you cannot even laugh or smile, and then coming into the warmth of the house and savoring that first sip of steaming hot chocolate was winter heaven!

It’s so different when you are an empty nester! While it’s fun to be all cozy and warm inside, it isn’t fun when you have to shovel. And shovel. And shovel. There aren’t any kids around to do the dirty work for you! Snow is just a four-letter word these days!

I’m worried that as the snow on the deck melts, it’ll creep underneath the door that leads outside and it’ll be a wet mess onto my beautiful hardwood floors.

This is the door that leads out to the deck. The snow is up to my hips. No shit. I’m petrified that I’ll have some sort of flooding as the snow melts!

My clumsiness is another concern. What if I fall on the snow that has gotten all compacted and I break a leg? Worse than that, what if I fracture my skull and all the marbles fall out?

Forget about all that—here’s how we spent our Snowmageddon 2016.

Saturday morning when we awoke. Bonaparte’s car is buried! And it snowed all day!

Friday evening when the snow started falling, we went upstairs and watched a movie. French Cancan by Jean Renoir.

Snowmageddon Film Number One: French Cancan. OMG. This was great! Jean Renoir, the son of the painter, directed this. I swear there were scenes straight out of a Renoir painting! The costumes. The dancing. Edith Piaf had a cameo and the incredibly rugged Jean Gabin almost sang. It was a fun fictional account about how the Moulin Rouge came to be!

Saturday, it snowed all day. I explained my shoveling strategy to Bonaparte. I thought it would be a good idea if we took turns on the hour to go out and shovel the snow. Bonaparte, ever the dictator and emperor, said “Non”. I wrote a post about my Paleo diet and organized MY part of our home office. In between writing and organizing, I played Candy Crush, looked out the window and cursed the snow.

My car Saturday. Guess Bonaparte was happy I couldn’t go to the Mall and spend his money!

My car late Saturday afternoon. This would be a bitch to dig out!

Whew! Snowmageddon is a great temporary relief for menopausal hotflashes!

My delightful view from the kitchen window onto the deck.

Still snowing as the sun went down..

No aperitifs on the deck tonight!

I watched the snow fall harder and higher. I wished Oona was home so we could snuggle on the sofa and watch chick flicks with each other. Bonaparte is not a fan of chick flickdom!

We had our aperitifs while watching the news. It was so ridiculous. All the news reported about was the damned snow storm. I shouldn’t complain though, because at least for one night, the crime rate in Philly was at an all-time low!

I wish I could have put my hand magically through the TV and given Adam Joseph a nice Kir Royale. He could have used one from all that snow reporting he had to do yesterday!

I made a nice Paleo-friendly dinner of organic chicken breasts smothered in Roma tomatoes, black olives and garlic!

Last night’s dinner. The tomatoes, olives and garlic smothered on top of organic chicken breasts and topped with fresh basil was so healthy. I’ll bet Bonaparte didn’t even realize he was eating Paleo style!

We went upstairs and watched another movie. “Elevator to the Gallows” Wow! This movie was so great. The ever sexy Jeanne Moreau and Maurice Ronet play lovers. Moreau is nasty and naughty—she’s married. I’m not into spoilers but this was a murder mystery with a few twists and turns. Very French New Wave. Very Film Noir.

Jeanne Moreau’s walk through the streets of Paris in the rain was one of the sexiest scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie.

It was director Louis Malle’s first feature and was beautifully shot in black and white. The soundtrack by Miles Davis is incredibly haunting. The only con was that there wasn’t enough of Charles Denner in it. He’s one of my favorite actors!

I was so upset that Charles Denner had such a small role in this film. He is one of my favorite French actors. His face is so handsome and his voice is even better!

The snow kept falling!

Still falling..will it ever stop?

Today the sun is shining brightly. Bonaparte, much to my arguing, went out to clear the snow out by himself.

I decided to go out and help that stubborn Frenchman of mine. I’ll tell you this. I cannot stand these Hunter boots as snow boots. The socks make the fit way too snug..and my calves aren’t exactly thin. They look cute though!

Got my cap, scarf and smile on. Look how shiny my hair is. I FINALLY washed it. I forgot just how shiny clean hair is! Oops!

I’m so pissed. WTF happened to teenaged boys who want to make a quick twenty bucks? I swear, when my boys were younger, they and their friends would be out, shovels in tow, to earn some fast cash by ridding the piles of snow for those who were either too lazy or too fragile.

Peter Wolfinger addresses the absence of kids with shovels trying to make a fast buck in this video. Wolfinger speaks the truth about the craziness of snow storms in the funniest way. It takes a New Yorker, especially a Long Islander, to speak the truth..in a most colorful way! BEST RANT EVER! WARNING: If you do not have a gutter mouth like I do, you may want to pass!

Chippy has been in hiding all weekend. He hates the snow so much that he refused to go out. I finally had to practically kick him out of the house to do his business. His idea of sitting in the snow is reclining on my snow-white loveseat!

This is how Chippy does Snowmageddon 2016. Relaxing on my snow-white loveseat! Just don’t make it yellow Chippy! Just don’t make it yellow!

Come on Chippy. It’s time to go outside. Don’t think it over. Just do it!!!!

Bonaparte is such a prince an emperor! I went out to try to help him earlier and he demanded that I leave him alone.

“Plezze. Liv me alone.” He ~~asks, beggs, suggests,~~ demands!

Bonaparte is not happy that I am offering my assistance. But after much prodding and whining….

He allowed me to shovel one scoop just to keep me quiet. Whew! Now THAT was a serious workout.

Bonaparte even dug a “PeePooPath” for Chippy to do his business. Can you spot the yellow snow? Honestly, to Chippy this is a trench like the ones that were dug in WWI!

My car is dug out now! Thank you Bonaparte!

I’ve been banned from snow duty but not from kitchen duty!

I came in and made a big crock pot of chili for him! Chili is the easiest dish on earth to make because there are no exact measurements. You add the seasonings to your personal taste. Bonaparte likes it hot. Here’s how I made it:

I took one large white onion and diced it. Then I took a yellow pepper, took out the seeds and chopped it. Chopped a green pepper and sautéed all three in a pan. I sautéed in Chicken broth rather than oil. Using broth saves calories and fat points! Then I browned and drained two pounds of ground beef. I drained two cans of kidney beans. After the beef was drained, I put it in a bowl and added the seasonings.

My little crew of seasonings. Cayenne pepper is also in the mix.

I also added some Harissa—which adds some smoky heat!

Harissa is a great source of smokey heat. I usually buy many tubes when I’m in France because it’s dirt cheap over there. Even so, this jar was pretty inexpensive. Might I suggest that you purchase a jar or tube if you come across it? It’s great stuff!

Added the drained beans, the onions and peppers and a can of diced tomatoes, mixed it all together and then poured everything into my crockpot.

I chopped one of these large hot peppers but decided to lay this on top of the chili. Why? Well. I’ll tell you. I didn’t think this pepper was that hot. It really doesn’t LOOK hot. OK? Anyway, before I chopped the first pepper, I bit into it to see how hot it was. Three hours later, my tongue is still feeling the heat. I decided to just lay the second pepper on top of the chili to infuse the heat instead!

The chili is cooking. Bonaparte is taking a well-needed nap. Jesus H. Christ—that man worked his ass off shoveling all that snow. I’m worried about his heart! And Chippy is at my feet. The sun is still shining, not a cloud in the sky and I can see spots of black tar on the road outside.

It’s a great end to a snowy weekend! Hope you stayed warm and cozy the past couple of days! XOXOXOXO!

Here’s some Miles Davis with the music from Elevator to the Gallows. It is haunting and sensual at the same time and you get to see Moreau’s sexy walk through Paris!

Posted in Comfort food for snow, Elevator to The Gallows by Louis Malle, French Cancan by Jean Renoir, Miles Davis, Peter Wolfinger, Shoveling snow sucks, Snow in New York City, Snowy weekend, Things to to when it snows | Tagged Snowmageddon 2016 | 22 Comments

My “Pal-Leo”—And A Successful Recipe Fail!

Posted on January 23, 2016 by Catherine

No. I’m not cheating on Bonaparte with a guy named Leo. I’m not hanging with DiCaprio either.

Hey Leo. I think you are taking the Paleo diet too seriously. Leave the bear alone. Have some steak instead!

My “Pal Leo” is the Paleo diet!

basically the Paleo Diet is this–with some yummy organ meats thrown in!

I’m not kidding. But let me backtrack a bit. My eating habits have become absolutely horrific over the past year. The loss of a job really shouldn’t be an excuse for the gluttonous life I’ve been leading. But hey, that’s how I handle stress. That’ right. I’m an emotional eater!

Yes. That would be the gluttonous me. I could relate to this film. BTW, might I suggest watching this darkly funny film if you get the chance?

Over the past year, I’ve gained a shitload of blubber, lard, fat, weight. I should be ashamed but I’m not. What I am is concerned. Concerned about my health –especially since I have no health insurance until Medicaid approves my application.

And it isn’t just about my blobfish gut, nor is it about my thighs that beautifully resemble curds of cottage cheese—the large curd at that! It isn’t about the mud flaps that are my underarms or side boobage slipping out of my bra.

My unhappy blobby gut resembles this blobfish!

It’s about the inside of my body that is cause for concern. With my eating habits that even stunned Bonaparte, I really was starting to have some serious stomach issues. I was bloaty—and when you have a stomach that is spilling over the top of your jeans, well—it isn’t very attractive.

I was burping to the point Bonaparte started complaining in French.

And…I was so full of gas. How full of gas was I? I’m glad you asked. I was so full of gas that I could walk to my driveway, open up that little door that opens up to the thingy that you put the gas nozzle into when you are getting gas, pull my pants down, shove my ass into that gas thingy and pump away! Nice visual—eh?

That’s right buddy. I could fill up a tank with gas–and you won’t have to pay!

Heartburn, lethargy. The whole kit and caboodle.

Then Oona suggested that I read a book she left behind for me some time ago.

Oona loves mommy so much that she got mommy to read a book about healthy eating. Now mommy is hooked and when mommy goes to visit Oona in two weeks, mommy will only cook healthy Paleo meals! Thank you Oona!

“It Starts With Food. Discover the Whole30 and Change Your Life In Unexpected Ways” The book is written by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig. Dallas being a physical therapist and Melissa being a Certified Sports Nutrutionist. Neither is a medical doctor.

For the most part, this book is very good. But there are claims of curing serious diseases that I find to be extremely misleading.

I read the book. A lot of what I read made sense. A lot of what I read made me think otherwise. The book makes you follow an incredibly strict 30-day plan of—no sugar, no dairy, no gluten. If you so much as have a drop of milk in your coffee or a Kir Royale, it is back to day one. Believe me, I’m all about the no sugar, dairy and gluten if it’ll make me feel better. But really, enough bullshit! On the weekends, I am having my Kir Royale with Bonaparte!

Regardless, reading the book got me on the Paleo track. I’m doing what I call “Paleo Lite”.

I picked up a couple of cookbooks and believe it or not, there’s some really REALLY decent recipes in both!

For three weeks I have not had any sugar with the exceptions being my aperitifs on Friday and Saturday and the other being when I add a bit of almond paste to the “green” shakes that I make. I have not had any gluten-which is a miracle in itself, nor have I had any dairy. I’m also doing low-carb.

No pasta. No bread. No sweets. No cheese. No sauces made with cream or flour.

I’m not going to be making any more croissants any time soon!

I’m existing on meats—especially liver. YUM. I love me some liver—which is great because I am a fan of “Offal“! It’s “offally” good! I’m eating more chicken than usual. Fish. Fruit. Tons of Vegetables. And Nuts! I’m using rice flour for coating since it is non-gluten and permitted. I’m drinking almond milk—it’s allowed.

The best part is that I my stomach issues have subsided. I’m in a state of shock. Really. I am! I’m not belching. My gut is actually shrinking to the point that my blobfish gut has turned into a blowfish gut. I’m not as bloaty and my GERD has been kept at bay. I’m not even gassy!

Yes. My gut is shrinking from large blobfish to smaller blowfish!

It’s snowing now and while the snow falls, I’ll have my tea; instead of regular milk, I’ll have it with almond milk. A mixture of well-measured out nuts, raisins and dates will stand in for the ooey-gooey macaroni and cheese that I would have made in the past to enjoy during a snowy winter’s day.

Raw cashews, raw almonds, raisins and chopped dates. My new Mac & Cheese!

And while Bonaparte and I enjoy our aperitifs, I’ll make do without the little appetizers that we share. He will be able to enjoy the little treats all by himself.!!

Anyway, I did have a craving for gnocchi. Regular potatoes are a Palee-no! Sweet potatoes are allowed so I tried to “create” a recipe for sweet potato gnocchi. Here’s what I did:

My Sweet Potato Gnocchi that Failed But Still Tasted Great!

Ingredients: Two sweet potatoes. Rosemary. White Rice Flour. ONE egg (even though two are pictured). Nutmeg. Red and regular pepper. Garlic Powder. Kosher Salt.

2 Sweet Potatoes. Dampened, slits poked into them with a knife, and wrapped in dampened paper towels. Into the microwave for 12 minutes.

After 12 minutes in the microwave the sweet pototoes will be perfectly cooked!

Then I scooped out the inside and placed in a bowl with a couple of Rosemary branches , covered and let everything cool. The Rosemary would infuse the potatoes.

Rosemary is so great. It is such a strong aromatic that it infuses ANYTHING!

Then I mixed in a bit of garlic powder, salt, pepper, one egg, a bit of nutmeg and 3/4 cup of rice flour.

Made a nice but way too sticky dough. Red flag that the gnocchi recipe is failing!

Rolled it up in wax paper and chilled.

Rolled up, chilled then cut–in theory great. In reality–fail!

Cut pieces off the roll. My recipe was a fail as gnocchi. But…ever the optimist, I turned things around and ended up with little sweet potato fritters, which I dredged in rice flour and sautéed in butter (allowed) and olive oil.

They were a delicious accompaniment with my liver and parsnip mash!

Alright. This photo is incredibly unappetizing. But……

…look above the mashed parsnips. The newly renamed “sweet potato fritters” were a success! They were really delicious with the natural sweetness of the parsnips and the earthiness of the liver. I dredged the liver in rice flour. The rice flour is gluten free and keeps the moisture in. I’ve been using rice flour forever for this very purpose and never realized it was gluten-free!

I’m not too fond of the green shakes I’ve been drinking—but they are a way to keep me filled up and are an easy way for me to get more veg in. I’ve been using Kale that I’ve had in a bag for a while—it’s more of an “earthier” taste. My big “cheat” is a spoonful of almond paste. The almond paste has sugar in it. I’m a rebel.

The green shake. Truthfully, it doesn’t taste that great–but it serves the purpose of filling me up!

It’s hard. I’m not gonna lie. There are times when I just want something sweet. I baked two Lemon pound cakes yesterday because Bonaparte had a craving. It would be great to have a, two, three pieces one of them to myself, slathered with lemon curd while sipping on a hot chocolate topped with a huge dollop of whipped cream.

Two lemony pound cakes for Bonaparte! I AM a giver!

It would also be comforting to cook up a one-pound box of macaroni and make a cheese sauce from not one or two, but three cheeses. Make. Bake. Devour!

Paleo or not. I would STILL rather be devouring THIS on such a snowy day like today!

Instead, I’m just going to be patient and keep my willpower up! My size 8 jeans that didn’t even zip up a month ago fit just fine now!

Keeping my chins up that I stick to the new eating habits. I need to lose about 20 pounds!

Off to deal with Snowmageddon 2016 for now. A day of organizing my writing files. Bonaparte gifted me with my very own file cabinet. Actually he is tired of the mess I created and the gift is more of “hinted” me with a file cabinet!

My project for the day. Organizing my files!

Enjoy the day! And Don’t go near the yellow snow! Frank Zappa knows!

Posted in Organizing, Paleo Diet, Recipes, Snowmageddon2016 | Tagged Paleo | 23 Comments

An Homage To A Grand Old Dame–Happy Birthday Miss Ruby!

Posted on January 21, 2016 by Catherine

For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about a special little lady. She’s been in my mind and my heart while I’ve been working on posts, and while I’ve been going around my daily duties. It’s hard to not get all teary-eyed when I think of her.
Last year, around this time, I wrote an homage to her. It was one of my first posts.
This year, I would like to repost this. If you have lost a pet who has left you and transitioned to the other side, or if you have a pet who is still with you, please take a moment to read about the memories of my dear beloved Ruby.
She was one in a million and is still within the hearts and souls not only of me, but with everyone she touched–inside and outside of my family and circle of friends.
Bonaparte took such great care of her in her final days. She was a great dame of a yellow lab. Miss Ruby–I wish you never left!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Death of a Pet | 16 Comments

Old Lady Beauty—The Importance of Being Sponge Worthy! Blending and Bargains and Hiding the Higgly-Jiggly Bits!

Posted on January 20, 2016 by Catherine

We are having a piece of furniture delivered today so I decided that I had better “put my best face on”—naturally I didn’t want to scare the delivery men because there could be a chance of their dropping this nice TV cabinet down three flights of stairs.

This would be a great time to try my new purchase. The Revive Beauty Blending applicator. This little blending sponge is a much less expensive dupe for the iconic “Beauty Blender” sponge Beauty Blender is the makeup sponge that every beauty blogger, You Tube beauty vlogger, and “expert” raves about.

The original Beauty Blender is on the left. The Revive brand “make up Blending Applicator” sponge is on the right.

Beauty Blender has been around for a while and I’ve always been on the fence about purchasing it. My fingers and foundation brushes seemed to be working fine—until my skin started to age on the fast track and become all wrinkly, blotchy and creped! Yuck! And let me tell you something—it seemed to happen overnight!

It wasn’t until I had a free make up application at Sephora that I found out how really great the Beauty Blender really is! The foundation blended in really well and did not appear cakey nor did my skin look dry either. If you are over 50 years, you know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, I purchased the Beauty Blender and the special cake of soap that is recommended for cleaning this sponge. At $20.00 for the sponge and $16.00 for the soap, this was not an inexpensive purchase.

One ounce of this solid cleanser soap bar is $16.00. It works but only gets 95% of the makeup off. Look at the little photo on the right. That’s the actual soap and it has pink marks from the Beauty Blender’s dye and foundation markings as well. Also, it’s scented with lavender. So if you are allergic..beware!

But let’s “face” it old lady friends. Our old skin isn’t as supple nor is it as luminous or even as when we were young. We get redness and age spots along with those lines. And there is nothing worse than caked up foundation on an old face!

My naked old-lady face with no foundation. See how red and blotchy and freckled my face is? I have wrinkles and fine lines. My face is also creped the the mouth. Hey. It is what it is. At our age, we have to work with what we have. Especially if we cannot afford fillers or a face lift!

Believe me; I cannot count the times when Bonaparte has said:

“Cassee. Ou ‘ev too much mek-up on ou fez” “Eezzz all ceked up”. (Translation: “Cathe. You have too much makeup on your face. It’s all caked up”

So after taking my pricey Beauty Blender home and placing it under running water to expand and get nice and wet, I discovered the following:

It does blend well.
You don’t need a ton of product, but it is easy to build up layers
Provided you have the special BB soap, it is relatively easy to clean
The sponge doesn’t last a long time. I’ve had mine for over two months and there are tears in it.
When you first clean the sponge, a ton of pink dye will wash out. A ton!!
As much as you take great care of this sponge, black moldy spots can appear.
If you do NOT use the BB soap, this thing is a bitch-and-a-half to clean
It really needs to be cleaned after every use (that is if you are cosmetic OCD as I am)
The price for the sponge—at $20 per, is expensive—especially when you need to replace. Add the price of the soap at $16.00 and it’s really pricey!

Listen. I’ve followed care instructions faithfully..and still managed to get a bit of moldy black spots on this expensive little sponge!

I did an online search for possible dupes and discovered there were multiple dupes for Beauty Blender but all the dupes had mixed reviews. I decided to find out for myself.

I picked up a dupe at TJ Maxx. At the price of $3.99 it definitely was worth the buy! The brand is Revive and the blender, in the box, looked very much like Beauty Blender. Outside of the box and comparing the two (after getting the sponge wet), the Revive expands more in size, but is incredibly dense—almost like a rubber ball.

Wow. From this view point, my little sponges look like little pink titties!

Closer view and you can see that the actual Beauty Blender is lighter in color, more porous and less dense in texture. There are a couple of rips and the tip–or nipple, just cannot get 100% cleaned of foundation.

The Beauty Blender is softer to the touch and more pliable too. But I was still eager to try the dupe out.

I primed my face and applied some eye makeup. Then decided to use Elf brand Flawless Foundation in Porcelain.

Elf brand Flawless Finish Foundation is a fantastic value for $6.00. And for more “mature” women who may be on a fixed income and want to look like a million bucks, may I recommend this?

One pump of the foundation. You can see the texture is very creamy and not liquidy–but that’s surprisingly a very good thing!

As a foundation junkie, I think I’ve tried just about every brand out there. Presently, I’m in love with my Marc Jacobs and Givenchy foundations. But when I’m just hanging around idly, I love to use the $6.00 Elf foundation. I’m telling you, this foundation is really a great value for the money. Medium coverage. Doesn’t oxidize. It is actually better than some of the high-end ones I’ve bought in the past.

Anyway, one pump of foundation and I was able to see how far this bit of makeup would go with the Revive applicator.

Oy, my eyes are crossing so badly–forgive me ladies, but I’m naturally cross-eyed! Anyway, although not as soft as the Beauty Blender, this Revive dupe worked just great!

Guess what? It worked like a charm. It

Was not as pliable and soft as BB, but it still did a fantastic job of blending in the foundation
BB may be easier to get into those little facial nooks and crannies by the nose, but with some maneuvering, the Revive worked just as well
Revive applicator seemed to soak up less product than Beauty Blender and was pretty easy to clean!

In addition, I highlighted and contoured with the NYX highlight and contour crème stick applicator. The dupe blended everything in very nicely.

NYX Wonder Stick Highlight and Contour in “light”. This is another great highlight/contour product if you are a beginner at the fine art of contour. It blends into “old lady” skin effortlessly!

No. It isn’t dirt. It’s the NYX contour. And the Revive blender applicator sponge blended this in faultlessly!

Well, let me tell you. I had to run into the bathroom to get a tissue to blow my nose. When I got back to my makeup table, I didn’t see the Revive applicator. WTF? Where could it have gone? I was gone for a total of maybe 5 seconds.

Then I realized that Chippy was nowhere in sight. I looked out of the room and saw what appeared to be a little piece of something dark pink.

Chippy got the Revive Sponge. He must have thought it was a toy.

Oh. Chippy may LOOK innocent and he may beg forgiveness..but his little rescue pup is such a naughty rascal! He’s not interested in watching me apply makeup either. He’s just interested to see what he can put in his mouth and that Revive sponge whet his appetite!

Anyway, I found him hiding under the coffee table in the living room. The remainder of the sponge in his mouth.

Just in case you may be wondering what the dupe looks like from the inside. Surprise! I’m still using this until I get to T.J. Maxx for a replacement. I washed it. It’s fine. It will be used. Do. Not. Judge!

Let me just add another good quality about the Revive Beauty Blender dupe. AT $3.99, it is easily replaceable if your dog happens to snack on it!

Face it! The Revive dupe works! Look how nice my made up face looks after blending in the foundation, highlighter and contour. A bit of blush and a berry lippie complete the look.

Oops! My lipstick smeared. I look like Bette Davis in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”! Seriously–the Revive Dupe did a fine job at blending all the makeup into my Grand Canyon of a face! Another thing of note. Old Lady hair rules. It’s so much drier than when I was younger but that means I don’t have to wash it as much. Day 11 hair ladies. Day 11 dirty hair. I’ll wash it this weekend.

I want to tell you about another great bargain. Primark leggings. Primark is a fast fashion clothing and home goods store that has made the way from the UK and Ireland over to the States. Well—TWO states. Pennsylvania and Mass. Lucky me—I live ten minutes away from the sole location in King of Prussia! An additional store will be opening up in New York on Staten Island soon.

Oona asked me to pick up a pair of plush lined leggings—since I’ll be visiting her in a couple of weeks, I can act as Mom’s Courier Service!

In the meantime, I found leggings that suck and tuck the old lady’s body in–Primark Shaper Leggings. I gave it a go at $6.00—what did I have to lose of Bonaparte’s hard-earned cash?

These leggings are amazing. Thick, but not too thick. Nice and firmly constructed and they do hold all those higgly-jiggly bits of my thighs and belly in so nicely! I will be going back for another pair or three! The “Large” fit me perfectly. Remember, this store goes by European sizing so it pays to jump a size!

A better look than the pajama bottoms and hoodies I’ve been living in. Looks good with a J. Crew plaid shirt. These leggings are also the perfect travel bottoms. Paired with boots and a tunic sweater–so comfy and practical!

Since a large part of today’s post is beauty and the beauty blender and its dupe. Here are the Temptations. “Beauty’s Only Skin Deep” Yeah. Yeah. Yeah! “XOXOXOXOXO

Posted in Beauty Blender, Beauty Blender Dupes, Dirty hair, Dogs doing naughty things, Elf Flawless Finish Foundation, Highlight and Contour for old ladies, J. Crew, NYX Highlight and Contour, Primark, Primark Shaper Leggings, Revive Beauty Blender sponge | Tagged Beauty for Old Ladies, mature beauty, Shit Old Ladies Put on their Face | 37 Comments

Spike, Jada, And A Little Gold-Plated Statuette Named Oscar

Posted on January 19, 2016 by Catherine

In all honesty, I am really, really trying to work on two posts. One post will be on my new healthy diet and the other on travel. But the news media threw me a bone and I felt compelled to give my two cents and my opinionated opinion. In other words– vidi-vidi-venting!

I’m sure you all know by now that both Spike Lee and Jada “Mrs. Will Smith” Pinkett have been extremely vocal about their boycott of the 2016 Oscar awards. I guess Jada wears the pants in that family because I haven’t heard or seen anything from her husband Will. Will wasn’t nominated for an Oscar this year. I guess Jada is just pissed off that he failed to receive a nomination.

I swear to goddess–Spike is SUCH a New Yorker–he isn’t happy unless he is bitching about something! I KNOW this. I AM an ex-New Yorker. I love to bitch too Spike!

HOLLYWOOD, CA – FEBRUARY 24: Actors Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith attend the premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures’ “Focus” at TCL Chinese Theatre on February 24, 2015 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Looks like poor ol’ Will is whipped. Jada speaks for him–I guess she wears the pants. Poor Will–you’re still so adorable!

Guess what Jada? Every year there are a great many actors and actresses who are snubbed by Oscar. They are young. They are old. They are white. They are black. They are Asian. They are Indian. They are Hispanic. They are biracial. They are Athiests. They are Lesbian. They are Homosexual. They are Catholic. They are Jewish. They are Muslim. As heartbreaking as this is, I’ll even bet some are Liberals! This shit happens!

Guess what Spike? Every year there are really, really wonderful films that are made by directors and writers who are white, black, Hispanic, French, Swedish, Jews, Atheists, Homosexual, Catholic, Muslim and the list goes on. This shit happens!

And another thing. Why are “Bollywood” films snubbed and excluded from the Academy Awards. “Bride and Prejudice” was one of the greatest films ever made. I NEVER miss a viewing when it’s on TV! It’s fun, it’s colorful (and that’s no pun!)..it’s happy!

Should we all boycott Larry David because his “Jewishness” played such an important role in “Curb Your Enthusiasm”? Do you think he snubs anyone who isn’t Jewish? He wrote about what he does and knows best about—being a Jewish comedy writer. And a genius one at that!

Larry finds out his lawyer isn’t Jewish–but the end result is one of the funniest conclusions to this Curb episode! Who cares if Larry doesn’t trust anyone who isn’t Jewish? It’s part of his charm!

I’m not done yet either. Jada. Think back to 1987 through 1993. Do you remember the show you were on “A Different World”? Think back to 1990 when your husband’s show “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” was on TV. Well, I do. I remember both shows. I used to watch those shows with my kids. They were young back then and when we watched those shows, we didn’t see them as “black” TV shows. We saw them as great family programming.

A Different World was a great family show–and focused on the trials and tribulations ALL young college students face.

My kids, as well as I, STILL love this show! Will Smith hasn’t aged a day. I’m wondering what his skin care regime is–Oops. I’ll have to ask Jada because she is the voice of Will!

I hope you realize this. I hope you also realize that so many families and children who watched and loved those shows were an incredibly diverse group of people. The days after “Fresh Prince” aired, you could see a bunch of white, black, Hispanic, Asian kids in their school yards rapping:

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

What the hell is more important to you? A little statue or the fact that two shows you and your husband were on had such a positive influence on kids and families of all ethnic groups? Really. A month after the Oscars are aired, nobody will remember who won. We will remember who looked like shit and who looked fabulous though!

Seriously–nobody will even remember who wins–it’s all about the clothes, makeup and hair!

And Spike—you’ve done well with your films. You’ve been nominated for and won a number of awards. You should be proud and happy about what you’ve accomplished instead of boycotting an event when you aren’t nominated.

Do The Right Thing Spike. Don’t be bitter. Use positivity. Not negativity!

If you both were truly and deeply concerned about diversity, you would be on a platform for actors—especially Actresses over the age of 60. You would be wondering just why there aren’t many OLDER Latino, Indian or Asian actors/actresses in vital roles. (Oh and Jada, you’re age is creeping upwards. You should be concerned about ageism my friend!) Face it you two. You are NOT the only minority! You would be scratching your heads thinking “Hmmm…isn’t “White Hollywood” funny—the only “old lady” choices are Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep—and sometimes Jane Fonda!”

Helen Mirren. THE hottest older woman ever! But she isn’t the only one!

Meryl Streep..another great “mature” actress/actor!

I’m pissed that the great Lily Tomlin was overlooked for an Oscar for her performance in “Grandma”. But I guess the Oscar powers-that-be figured Charlotte Rampling was good enough for the token “old lady” nominee!

Another great old broad. Lily Tomlin. She was snubbed..

I guess that’s because Hollywood can only have ONE older actress nominated!

And what about “Trainwreck”? Huh? Where’s the love for sluts of all ages? In my eyes, Trainwreck was practically a documentary! And it was snubbed!

This ~~documentary~~ movie about sluts was so snubbed..and sluts sleep with everybody. Sluts don’t care about ethnicity! They love ~~size~~ diversity!

If you both are truly and deeply concerned about the state of “Hollywood” lack of diversity, perhaps it is time for you to quit the business that has given you the salaries that most of us can only imagine and find a more meaningful line of employ. Perhaps as an educator in a public school, or as an accountant.

Better yet, perhaps you can join the ranks of the hundreds of thousands of the melting-pot of Americans such as me who have no income and no medical insurance. You definitely would be a part of an incredibly diverse group of people! You would fit right in with us.

Or—you can do as I do. Boycott in silence. I boycott fashion magazines because they refuse to focus on older women in ads and in editorials. Now there’s a minority. Old Ladies! We are black, white, Asian, Indian—and are all old and ignored by society. Wanna join my club? I refuse to watch network TV shows due to their lack of older actresses and the ones who are older are usually portrayed in the worst of matronly and grouchy ways.

I could boycott life at my age—but I always prefer to see the glimmer of hope. That little ray that just may shine on people and make them realize that older people are important.

People may snub those my age, but we certainly won’t boycott life!

Perhaps you should do the same—look for that glimmer of light rather than focus on negativity.

Chris Rock was right. The Oscars are “The White BET Awards” . He gets his message through with laughter.

Chris Rock, don’t you DARE step down as host of the Oscars! You can send a great message through laughter. Give it to us!

Laughter works. Thank you Chris..and I hope to laugh at your “White People” jokes on Oscar night!

I swear we were more progressive in the late 1960’s. Here’s a song (with the great Nell Carter) to prove it to you. From “Hair” “White Boys/Black Boys”

Posted in A Different World, Diversity in Film, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Hair, Jada Pinkett, Older actresses, Older Adults, Oscar Boycott, Uncategorized, Will Smith | Tagged ageism, Diversity, Ethnicity, negativity, positivity, snubs | 20 Comments

The Trouble With Travels

Posted on January 17, 2016 by Catherine

First of all, this post has nothing to do with Star Trek’s The Trouble With Tribbles!

Trust me, Tribbles would have been a better option than the troubles with the flight we had!

What it does have to do with is this: Sometimes, even the best laid plans can go awry. And those plans that can go awry are made worse when traveling.

Personally, I’m tired of reading magazine articles, watching travel shows on TV where—Every. Single. Detail. Is. Perfect. Sometimes shit just happens and you have no control over it!

Why am I posting this? Well..it’s because I’m working on a post about traveling abroad: In real life! Vacation season doesn’t begin for a few months—but now is the time to start planning and to start making plans.

Below is a journal entry I made three years ago from my Shutterfly account. It was a nightmare. Our bright idea was to drive to my sister’s home in Long Island—not far from JFK. She drove us to the airport. Upon our returning day back to the States, she drove our car to the short-term parking while her husband followed in his car. Sounds like a great plan. Right?

BTW, Shutterfly does a great job of turning your photos into a lovely album full of memories!

So please. Have a read and hopefully laugh and learn at my nastiness when things just don’t go MY way. And all of these incidents actually happened. It’s true!

______________________________________________________________

To save a lot of money. $1,600.00 to be exact, we flew Aer Lingus from JFK to Dublin and then connected for Paris. Easy Peasy.

I love Aer Lingus, but they are infamous for flying “Irish Time”–just as I live by the great delayed Irish time!

Not the same with the flight home:

Here’s how it rolled: We got to CDG. I knew we were in trouble when we checked our luggage. The flight was full and Aer Lingus attendants were checking in carry-on luggage. I freaked when Bonaparte checked my carry on. Why? It was chock full of every single item I purchased. Naturally, being quite the territorial woman, I wanted that shit with me–or as close to me as humanly possible.

Other than the essentials, my carry on bag was filled with all the treasures I purchased in France!

So we get on the plane. And wait on the runway. And wait. And wait. And the time is flying by and I’m getting panicky because we are going to miss our connection and I do NOT have my luggage with me. (What I really mean is, I do NOT have all the purchases I made with me!)

I call the flight attendant over and tell her that we have a connection to make to JFK. She explains to me in her lovely lilting brogue that it won’t be a problem and the connecting plane will wait and someone will be in Dublin to meet us and to take us to our awaiting flight. The only other time that waiting made me this stressful was when my daughter, Oona, was competing in Irish Dance and the wait for results was seemingly just as bad as this wait on the runway!

If you have an Irish dancer in your family, or know of anyone who does, then you are well-aware of how stressful the wait time for results are!

The plane finally takes off. I mumble some extremely naughty words—most of which start with the letter “F”. And my voice rises from a mere whisper to a full-on obnoxious LOUD! Bonaparte ignores me. I become so stressed that the flight attendant gives me not one–but TWO of those little bottles of Jamison. I drink both bottles.

We get to Dublin. Our connecting flight is going to leave in 5 minutes. It is supposed to wait.

A rep from Aer Lingus meets us at Dublin. She explains that our plane has boarded and is full. Now I’m in a total zone of “What the fucking shit is going on???“…and only because of the really, really good stuff that is in my luggage. Repettos. Nat & Nin bags. Rondini sandals. Clothes. CD’s. And my beauty products from CityPharma. I know my shit is going to get lost. And this bitch from Aer Lingus is copping an attitude. This is just not good.

My Rondini’s and Repetto ballet flats…

….my nat & nin bags…

..my CD’s…and..

…all my booty from CityPharma is going to get LOST! I know it is!

Nine of us passengers have now missed our connecting flight home. Vincent has his SEALED BAG of CREME DE CASSIS in his hand and I have nothing! I’m now in the crazy zone for sure!

We are rerouted to Boston and arrangements have been made to get to JFK via Jet Blue. I’m only thinking about my luggage. That’s all. My luggage.

We have to go through security a second time. I’m now in such an insane frame of mind that when my necklace “beeps” through that darn security thingy, I take my fist and rip the necklace clear off my neck as though I am the female version of The Incredible Hulk’ and throw it on the floor. Security doesn’t even tell me to pick it up. Bonaparte makes it through with his Crème de Cassis.

We finally get on the plane. I am beyond any form of verbal usage at this point. I don’t even open my mouth and the flight attendant offers me more free drinks. I take them!

We land in Boston and we have an hour to make our connection on Jet Blue to JFK. I’m freaking out to the point where Bonaparte walked twenty paces ahead of me. Yes. I got my Linda Blair on! We had to go through Customs, get our baggage AND get through security..all in an hour! I’m now like a lunatic because all I want is my luggage, but I cannot get it till I go through Customs. The line is long. I cut in the middle and someone makes the mistake of remarking to me. I turn around and literally hiss………”I missed my fucking flight home, I don’t even know if I will get my luggage and I have ten minutes to make my flight to JFK”, I suppose by the fire coming from my ears the lady sympathized with me and I made it through Customs with plenty of time to get my luggage.

So I get to the baggage claim and Bonaparte is wondering where I was. He saw fire coming from my ears and didn’t say a word. I started to cry “I don’t care about anything except that damn carry on with all my stuff. My Repettooooooooss” ….

If Joshua Straub needs a model for an adult temper tantrum, I’m his woman!

And then…an illumination in front of me. Not only did the luggage appear, but MY CARRY ON WAS THE FIRST PIECE OF LUGGAGE TO exit out of the conveyer belt! Suddenly…the trip home was improving!

It was as though the doors of an illuminated cathedral opened and my luggage appeared!

A while later, with luggage in tow, we headed off to security. Again.

I beeped. Again. Time to have the TSA lady check me from head to toe. I was cleared to proceed.

Then it happened. Bonaparte’s Crème de Cassis. Two beautiful bottles. Sealed at CDG. Made it through Dublin. Boston TSA confiscates it. I mentioned to Mr. TSA-sshole that this same Crème de Cassis made it through security in Dublin.

Two bottles of Creme de Cassis. Sealed in Paris. Made it through Dublin but the TSA guy in Boston confiscated it! Miserable prick!

Mr. TSA had the balls to say to me. “This Ain’t Dublin Lady..and it ain’t France’.

So I go up to him and say. “Open the bag. I’ll drink that shit before you get your grubby hands on it”.

Bonaparte grabs my hand so hard I swear my arm got out of its socket–and I didn’t stop. I continued.

“Yeah..you grab Cassis but you’ll let some moron with a gun and homemade bomb makings pass through your shitty –ass station!”. Bonaparte put his hand across my mouth and told the TSA man I had Tourettes. Then he told me if I didn’t keep quiet I would be arrested and they would take my carry-on away from me and I would lose my Repettos and every item that I was protecting! THAT kept me quiet!

After this debacle, I have to say that Jet Blue is my new favorite domestic airline! We had a great and comfy ride back from Boston to JFK. And it was a truly beautiful flight. We never got too high up in the sky because the flight was only 40 minutes. So we flew low. AND the entire flight was a fireworks show down the eastern coastline! We were having a private July 4^th celebration in the sky! And the descent into JFK was amazing. The fireworks got closer and closer and it was a great end to a stressful way home from Paris!

We flew over fireworks–it was the most amazing visual from the sky!

Was it worth saving the $1,600.00? At the time, I would say “NO”, but looking back, as long as I get to keep my carry on and in the future having Bonaparte placing the Cassis in a piece of luggage. Yeah. I guess it WAS worth the savings. Besides—despite missing our connection, I love the service on Aer Lingus!

Besides—I got to listen to my new Jacques Dutronc CD on the ride home from JFK!

Well, it was an adventure…and life is an adventure. So until my next travel! Hope you enjoy reading!

Finally home from a return I will never forget!

______________________________________________________________

By the way, Bonaparte made our reservations to Nice for this coming June. We are flying into CDG and catching a connecting flight to Nice. Bonaparte has assured me that the connecting flight will NOT be leaving CDG for a couple of hours and we will have plenty of time. He said our luggage won’t be an issue because we will have to get it at the baggage claim before heading off to Nice.

I am going to squeeze three weeks’ worth of clothing into a carry on!

Here’s some Jacques Dutronc for a Sunday morning! “Hippie Hippie Hourrah”!

Posted in France, Jacques Dutronc, Repettos, Rondini Sandals, City Pharma, nan & nin, Shit happens, The return from France, Travel Plans Gone Wrong, Travel Troubles, Uncategorized | 25 Comments

Atypical 60

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