Snowmageddon 2016!

 

Snow is so much better when you have  children at home.  I remember a couple of past Snowmageddons. One, in particular, was when we were living in New York City.  It was tons of fun because when you live in a major city, you don’t have to worry about shoveling. The super does it for you.  Alternate side-of-the-street is suspended which means you have a beaut of a parking spot that nobody can take and you cannot get a ticket for at least a week.  By the time the rule goes back in place, the snow has melted and you are free to bitch and complain about NOT getting a space and how much better it is when it snows.

 

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Roman. Snowmageddon 1991.  NYC.  Isn’t that snow suit adorable?  It was a hand-me-down from one of Jake’s wealthy St. Ignatius friends.  Roman had the best hand-me-down clothes that I would otherwise never have been able to afford!

The other thing is the neighborhoodness of snow in the city.  Everyone is out and about having a great time.  The parks are crowded with kids and parents and everyone is noisy and sliding down little city hills. It’s greatness!

When we lived in New Jersey, it seemed that whenever the heavy snow hit, my ex-husband was always conveniently away on a business trip.  No worries though because I had my shoveling strategy put into place.  I would go out and start shoveling the driveway, alternating with Jake and Roman.  We would take turns on the hour so the snow in the driveway never got really deep.

 

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Oona enjoying the big snow of ’96!

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Jake and Roman enjoying the hill in the backyard. Ever the New Yorker, shortly after this snow storm,  we had a fence built.  So many kids were sliding down the hill that I feared one would get hurt and some asshole would sue!

It was fun sliding down the hill in the back yard, building  snowmen and forts and achieving near frostbite.  That feeling you get when your face is so cold that you cannot even laugh or smile, and then coming into the warmth of the house and savoring that first sip of steaming hot chocolate was winter heaven!

It’s so different when you are an empty nester!  While it’s fun to be all cozy and warm inside, it isn’t fun when you have to shovel. And shovel. And shovel.  There aren’t any kids around to do the dirty work for you! Snow is just a four-letter word these days!

I’m worried that as the snow on the deck melts, it’ll creep underneath the door that leads outside and it’ll be a wet mess onto my beautiful hardwood floors.

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This is the door that leads out to the deck.  The snow is up to my hips. No shit.  I’m petrified that I’ll have some sort of flooding as the snow melts!

My clumsiness is another concern.  What if I fall on the snow that has gotten all compacted and I break a leg?  Worse than that, what if I fracture my skull and all the marbles fall out?

Forget about all that—here’s how we spent our Snowmageddon 2016.

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Saturday morning when we awoke. Bonaparte’s car is buried! And it snowed all day!

Friday evening when the snow started falling, we went upstairs and watched a movie.  French Cancan by Jean Renoir.

French CanCan

Snowmageddon Film Number One:  French Cancan.  OMG. This was great!  Jean Renoir, the son of the painter, directed this. I swear there were scenes straight out of a Renoir painting!  The costumes. The dancing.  Edith Piaf had a cameo and the incredibly rugged Jean Gabin almost sang.  It was a fun fictional account about how the Moulin Rouge came to be!

Saturday, it snowed all day.  I explained my shoveling strategy to Bonaparte. I thought it would be a good idea if we took turns on the hour to go out and shovel the snow.  Bonaparte, ever the dictator and emperor, said “Non”.   I wrote a post about my Paleo diet and organized MY part of our home office.  In between writing and organizing, I played Candy Crush, looked out the window and cursed the snow.

snowmagedden my car

My car Saturday. Guess Bonaparte was happy I couldn’t go to the Mall and spend his money!

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My car late Saturday afternoon.   This would be a bitch to dig out!

cure for the hotflash

Whew!  Snowmageddon is a great temporary relief for menopausal hotflashes!

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My delightful view from the kitchen window onto the deck. 

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Still snowing as the sun went down..

No aperitifs on the deck tonight!

No aperitifs on the deck tonight!

I watched the snow fall harder and higher.  I wished Oona was home so we could snuggle on the sofa and watch chick flicks with each other.  Bonaparte is not a fan of chick flickdom!

We had our aperitifs while watching the news. It was so ridiculous.  All the news reported about was the damned snow storm. I shouldn’t complain though, because at least for one night, the crime rate in Philly was at an all-time low!

Adam Joseph

I wish I could have put my hand magically through the TV and given Adam Joseph a nice Kir Royale.  He could have used one from all that snow reporting he had to do yesterday!

I made a nice Paleo-friendly dinner of organic chicken breasts smothered in Roma tomatoes, black olives and garlic!

Last night’s dinner.  The tomatoes, olives and garlic smothered on top of organic chicken breasts and topped with fresh basil was so healthy. I’ll bet Bonaparte didn’t even realize he was eating Paleo style!

We went upstairs and watched another movie.  “Elevator to the Gallows”  Wow! This movie was so great.  The ever sexy Jeanne Moreau and Maurice Ronet play lovers.  Moreau is nasty and naughty—she’s married.  I’m not into spoilers but this was a murder mystery with a few twists and turns.  Very French New Wave. Very Film Noir.

Elevator to the gallows

Jeanne Moreau’s walk through the streets of Paris in the rain was one of the sexiest scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie. 

It was director Louis Malle’s first feature and was beautifully shot in black and white. The soundtrack by Miles Davis is incredibly haunting. The only con was that there wasn’t enough of Charles Denner in it.  He’s one of my favorite actors!

charles-denner

I was so upset that Charles Denner had such a small role in this film.  He is one of my favorite French actors.  His face is so handsome and his voice is even better! 

The snow kept falling!

night falls

Still falling..will it ever stop?

Today the sun is shining brightly.  Bonaparte, much to my arguing, went out to clear the snow out by himself.

 

Hunters

I decided to go out and help that stubborn Frenchman of mine.  I’ll tell you this. I cannot stand these Hunter boots as snow boots.  The socks make the fit way too snug..and my calves aren’t exactly thin.  They look cute though!

Ready for the snow

Got my cap, scarf and smile on.  Look how shiny my hair is.  I FINALLY washed it. I forgot just how shiny clean hair is! Oops!

I’m so pissed.  WTF happened to teenaged boys who want to make a quick twenty bucks?  I swear, when my boys were younger, they and their friends would be out, shovels in tow, to earn some fast cash by ridding the piles of snow for those who were either too lazy or too fragile.

Peter Wolfinger addresses the absence of kids with shovels trying to make a fast buck in this video.  Wolfinger speaks the truth about the craziness of snow storms in the funniest way.  It takes a New Yorker, especially a Long Islander, to speak the truth..in a most colorful way! BEST RANT EVER! WARNING: If you do not have a gutter mouth like I do, you may want to pass!

Chippy has been in hiding all weekend. He hates the snow so much that he refused to go out.  I finally had to practically kick him out of the house to do his business.   His idea of sitting in the snow is reclining on my snow-white loveseat!

snowmagedden chippy is chill

This is how Chippy does Snowmageddon 2016.  Relaxing on my snow-white loveseat! Just don’t make it yellow Chippy! Just don’t make it yellow!

the dog at the top of the stairs

Come on Chippy. It’s time to go outside. Don’t think it over. Just do it!!!!

Bonaparte is such a prince an emperor! I went out to try to help him earlier and he demanded that I leave him alone.

Bonaparte begging me to leave him alone

Plezze. Liv me alone.”  He asks, beggs, suggests,  demands!

bonaparte standing like NapoleonBonaparte is not happy that I am offering my assistance. But after much prodding and whining….

What I shoveled

He allowed me to shovel one scoop just to keep me quiet.  Whew!  Now THAT was a serious workout. 

The PooPeePath

Bonaparte even dug a “PeePooPath” for Chippy to do his business. Can you spot the yellow snow?  Honestly, to Chippy this is a trench like the ones that were dug in WWI!

My car. Almost dug out

My car is dug out now! Thank you Bonaparte!

et moi

I’ve been banned from snow duty but not from kitchen duty!

I came in and made a big crock pot of chili for him!  Chili is the easiest dish on earth to make because there are no exact measurements. You add the seasonings to your personal taste.  Bonaparte likes it hot.  Here’s how I made it:

 I took one large white onion and diced it.  Then I took a yellow pepper, took out the seeds and chopped it.  Chopped a green pepper and sautéed all three in a pan. I sautéed in Chicken broth rather than oil. Using broth saves calories and fat points! Then I browned and drained two pounds of ground beef.  I drained two cans of kidney beans.  After the beef was drained, I put it in a bowl and added the seasonings. 

Chili seasonings

My little crew of seasonings. Cayenne pepper is also in the mix.

I also added some Harissa—which adds some smoky heat!

Harissa

Harissa is a great source of smokey heat.  I usually buy many tubes when I’m in France because it’s dirt cheap over there.  Even so, this jar was pretty inexpensive. Might I suggest that you purchase a jar or tube if you come across it? It’s great stuff!

Added the drained beans, the onions and peppers and a can of diced tomatoes, mixed it all together and then poured everything into my crockpot.

Chili for Bonaparte

I chopped one of these large hot peppers but decided to lay this on top of the chili.  Why? Well. I’ll tell you. I didn’t think this pepper was that hot. It really doesn’t LOOK hot. OK? Anyway, before I chopped the first pepper, I bit into it to see how hot it was.  Three hours later, my tongue is still feeling the heat.  I decided to just lay the second pepper on top of the chili to infuse the heat instead!

The chili is cooking.  Bonaparte is taking a well-needed nap. Jesus H. Christ—that man worked his ass off shoveling all that snow. I’m worried about his heart!  And Chippy is at my feet.  The sun is still shining, not a cloud in the sky and I can see spots of black tar on the road outside.

It’s a great end to a snowy weekend! Hope you stayed warm and cozy the past couple of days! XOXOXOXO!

Here’s some Miles Davis with the music from Elevator to the Gallows. It is haunting and sensual at the same time and you get to see Moreau’s sexy walk through Paris!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Comfort food for snow, Elevator to The Gallows by Louis Malle, French Cancan by Jean Renoir, Miles Davis, Peter Wolfinger, Shoveling snow sucks, Snow in New York City, Snowy weekend, Things to to when it snows | Tagged | 22 Comments

My “Pal-Leo”—And A Successful Recipe Fail!

No.  I’m not cheating on Bonaparte with a guy named Leo.  I’m not hanging with DiCaprio either.

the-revenant

Hey Leo. I think you are taking the Paleo diet too seriously. Leave the bear alone. Have some steak instead!

My “Pal Leo” is the Paleo diet!

Whats-the-Paleo-Diet-3

basically the Paleo Diet is this–with some yummy organ meats thrown in!

I’m not kidding. But let me backtrack a bit.  My eating habits have become absolutely horrific over the past year. The loss of a job really shouldn’t be an excuse for the gluttonous life I’ve been leading. But hey, that’s how I handle stress.  That’ right. I’m an emotional eater!

Grande bouffe (la)

Yes. That would be the gluttonous me. I could relate to this film. BTW, might I suggest watching this darkly funny film if you get the chance?

Over the past year, I’ve gained a shitload of blubber, lard, fat, weight.  I should be ashamed but I’m not.  What I am is concerned. Concerned about my health –especially since I have no health insurance until Medicaid approves my application.

And it isn’t just about my blobfish gut, nor is it about my thighs that beautifully resemble curds of cottage cheese—the large curd at that!  It isn’t about the mud flaps that are my underarms or side boobage slipping out of my bra.

ugliest-animals-worlds-ugliest-blobfish

My unhappy blobby gut resembles this blobfish!

It’s about the inside of my body that is cause for concern.  With my eating habits that even stunned Bonaparte, I really was starting to have some serious stomach issues.  I was bloaty—and when you have a stomach that is spilling over the top of your jeans, well—it isn’t very attractive.

I was burping to the point Bonaparte started complaining in French.

And…I was so full of gas.  How full of gas was I? I’m glad you asked.  I was so full of gas that I could walk to my driveway, open up that little door that opens up to the thingy that you put the gas nozzle into when you are getting gas, pull my pants down, shove my ass into that gas thingy and pump away! Nice visual—eh?

gas

That’s right buddy. I could fill up a tank with gas–and you won’t have to pay!

Heartburn, lethargy.  The whole kit and caboodle.

Then Oona suggested that I read a book she left behind for me some time ago.

Oona

Oona loves mommy so much that she got mommy to read a book about healthy eating. Now mommy is hooked and when mommy goes to visit Oona in two weeks, mommy will only cook healthy Paleo meals! Thank you Oona!

   “It Starts With Food. Discover the Whole30 and Change Your Life In Unexpected Ways” The book is written by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig.  Dallas being a physical therapist and Melissa being a Certified Sports Nutrutionist. Neither is a medical doctor.

Pal leo it starts with food

For the most part, this book is very good. But there are claims of curing serious diseases that I find to be extremely misleading. 

I read the book. A lot of what I read made sense.  A lot of what I read made me think otherwise.  The book makes you follow an incredibly strict 30-day plan of—no sugar, no dairy, no gluten.  If you so much as have a drop of milk in your coffee or a Kir Royale, it is back to day one.  Believe me, I’m all about the no sugar, dairy and gluten if it’ll make me feel better.  But really, enough bullshit!  On the weekends, I am having my Kir Royale with Bonaparte!

Regardless, reading the book got me on the Paleo track.  I’m doing what I call “Paleo Lite”.

Pal leo two cookbooks

I picked up a couple of cookbooks and believe it or not, there’s some really REALLY decent recipes in both!

For three weeks I have not had any sugar with the exceptions being my aperitifs on Friday and Saturday and the other being when I add a bit of almond paste to the “green” shakes that I make.  I have not had any gluten-which is a miracle in itself, nor have I had any dairy.  I’m also doing low-carb.

No pasta. No bread. No sweets. No cheese. No sauces made with cream or flour.

Pal leo. wont make these

I’m not going to be making any more croissants any time soon!

I’m existing on meats—especially liver. YUM. I love me some liver—which is great because I am a fan of “Offal“! It’s “offally” good! I’m eating more chicken than usual.  Fish. Fruit. Tons of Vegetables.  And Nuts! I’m using rice flour for coating since it is non-gluten and permitted.  I’m drinking almond milk—it’s allowed.

The best part is that I my stomach issues have subsided. I’m in a state of shock. Really. I am!  I’m not belching. My gut is actually shrinking to the point that my blobfish gut has turned into a blowfish gut.  I’m not as bloaty and my GERD has been kept at bay.  I’m not even gassy!

blowfish-puffer-fish-s34cznuk3ozyelpi

Yes. My gut is shrinking from large blobfish to smaller blowfish!

It’s snowing now and while the snow falls, I’ll have my tea; instead of regular milk, I’ll have it with almond milk.  A mixture of well-measured out nuts, raisins and dates will stand in for the ooey-gooey macaroni and cheese that I would have made in the past to enjoy during a snowy winter’s day.

snacks

Raw cashews, raw almonds, raisins and chopped dates. My new Mac & Cheese!

And while Bonaparte and I enjoy our aperitifs, I’ll make do without the little appetizers that we share. He will be able to enjoy the little treats all by himself.!!

Anyway, I did have a craving for gnocchi.   Regular potatoes are a Palee-no!  Sweet potatoes are allowed so I tried to “create” a recipe for sweet potato gnocchi.   Here’s what I did:

My Sweet Potato Gnocchi that Failed But Still Tasted Great!

ingredients for gnoochi

Ingredients: Two sweet potatoes. Rosemary. White Rice Flour. ONE egg (even though two are pictured). Nutmeg. Red and regular pepper. Garlic Powder. Kosher Salt.

2 Sweet Potatoes.  Dampened, slits poked into them with a knife, and wrapped in dampened paper towels.  Into the microwave for 12 minutes.

cooked sweet potatos

After 12 minutes in the microwave the sweet pototoes will be perfectly cooked!

Then I scooped out the inside and placed in a bowl with a couple of Rosemary branches , covered and let everything cool. The Rosemary would infuse the potatoes.

infusing with rosemary

Rosemary is so great. It is such a strong aromatic that it infuses ANYTHING!  

Then I mixed in a bit of garlic powder, salt, pepper, one egg, a bit of nutmeg and 3/4 cup of rice flour.

mixing it up

Made a nice but way too sticky dough. Red flag that the gnocchi recipe is failing!

Rolled it up in wax paper and chilled.

rolled in waxed paper

Rolled up, chilled then cut–in theory great. In reality–fail!

Cut pieces off the roll. My recipe was a fail as gnocchi.  But…ever the optimist, I turned things around and ended up with little sweet potato fritters, which I dredged in rice flour and sautéed in butter (allowed) and olive oil.

They were a delicious accompaniment with my liver and parsnip mash!

sweetpotatoes cooking

Alright. This photo is incredibly unappetizing. But……

dinner

…look above the mashed parsnips. The newly renamed “sweet potato fritters” were a success!  They were really delicious with the natural sweetness of the parsnips and the earthiness of the liver.  I dredged the liver in rice flour. The rice flour is gluten free and keeps the moisture in. I’ve been using rice flour forever for this very purpose and never realized it was gluten-free!

 

I’m not too fond of the green shakes I’ve been drinking—but they are a way to keep me filled up and are an easy way for me to get more veg in. I’ve been using Kale that I’ve had in a bag for a while—it’s more of an “earthier” taste.  My big “cheat” is a spoonful of almond paste.  The almond paste has sugar in it.  I’m a rebel.

Pal leo The Green Shake

The green shake. Truthfully, it doesn’t taste that great–but it serves the purpose of filling me up!

It’s hard. I’m not gonna lie.  There are times when I just want something sweet.  I baked two Lemon pound cakes yesterday because Bonaparte had a craving.  It would be great to have a, two, three pieces one of them to myself, slathered with lemon curd while sipping on a hot chocolate topped with a huge dollop of whipped cream.

cakes for bonaparte

Two lemony pound cakes for Bonaparte! I AM a giver!

It would also be comforting to cook up a one-pound box of macaroni and make a cheese sauce from not one or two, but three cheeses. Make. Bake. Devour!

Cheese and Macaroni

Paleo or not. I would STILL rather be devouring THIS on such a snowy day like today!

Instead, I’m just going to be patient and keep my willpower up!  My size 8 jeans that didn’t even zip up a month ago fit just fine now!

back in size 8 jeans

Keeping my chins up that I stick to the new eating habits. I need to lose about 20 pounds! 

Off to deal with Snowmageddon 2016 for now. A day of organizing my writing files. Bonaparte gifted me with my very own file cabinet. Actually he is tired of the mess I created and the gift is more of “hinted” me with a file cabinet!

my file cabinet

 

My project for the day. Organizing my files!

 

Enjoy the day! And Don’t go near the yellow snow! Frank Zappa knows!

Posted in Organizing, Paleo Diet, Recipes, Snowmageddon2016 | Tagged | 23 Comments

An Homage To A Grand Old Dame–Happy Birthday Miss Ruby!

For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about a special little lady. She’s been in my mind and my heart while I’ve been working on posts, and while I’ve been going around my daily duties. It’s hard to not get all teary-eyed when I think of her.
Last year, around this time, I wrote an homage to her. It was one of my first posts.
This year, I would like to repost this. If you have lost a pet who has left you and transitioned to the other side, or if you have a pet who is still with you, please take a moment to read about the memories of my dear beloved Ruby.
She was one in a million and is still within the hearts and souls not only of me, but with everyone she touched–inside and outside of my family and circle of friends.
Bonaparte took such great care of her in her final days. She was a great dame of a yellow lab. Miss Ruby–I wish you never left!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 16 Comments

Old Lady Beauty—The Importance of Being Sponge Worthy! Blending and Bargains and Hiding the Higgly-Jiggly Bits!

We are having a piece of furniture delivered today so I decided that I had better “put my best face on”—naturally I didn’t want to scare the delivery men because there could be a chance of their dropping this nice TV cabinet down three flights of stairs.

This would be a great time to try my new purchase. The Revive Beauty Blending applicator.  This little blending sponge is a much less expensive dupe for the iconic “Beauty Blender” sponge Beauty Blender is the makeup sponge that every beauty blogger, You Tube beauty vlogger, and “expert” raves about.

Both Expensive on the left

The original Beauty Blender is on the left.  The Revive brand “make up Blending Applicator” sponge is on the right.  

Beauty Blender has been around for a while and I’ve always been on the fence about purchasing it.  My fingers and foundation brushes seemed to be working fine—until my skin started to age on the fast track and become all wrinkly, blotchy and creped! Yuck!   And let me tell you something—it seemed to happen overnight!

It wasn’t until I had a free make up application at Sephora that I found out how really great the Beauty Blender really is!  The foundation blended in really well and did not appear cakey nor did my skin look dry either.  If you are over 50 years, you know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, I purchased the Beauty Blender and the special cake of soap that is recommended for cleaning this sponge.  At $20.00 for the sponge and $16.00 for the soap, this was not an inexpensive purchase.

BB Soap

One ounce of this solid cleanser soap bar is $16.00.  It works but only gets 95% of the makeup off.  Look at the little photo on the right. That’s the actual soap and it has pink marks from the Beauty Blender’s dye and foundation markings as well. Also, it’s scented with lavender.  So if you are allergic..beware!  

But let’s “face” it old lady friends.  Our old skin isn’t as supple nor is it as luminous or even as when we were young.  We get redness and age spots along with those lines.  And there is nothing worse than caked up foundation on an old face!

Before. Only eye makeup and primer

My naked old-lady face with no foundation.   See how red and blotchy and freckled my face is?  I have wrinkles and fine lines. My face is also creped the the mouth.  Hey. It is what it is.  At our age, we have to work with what we have. Especially if we cannot afford fillers or a face lift!

Believe me; I cannot count the times when Bonaparte has said:

Cassee. Ou ‘ev too much mek-up on ou fez” “Eezzz all ceked up”. (Translation: “Cathe. You have too much makeup on your face. It’s all caked up”

So after taking my pricey Beauty Blender home and placing it under running water to expand and get nice and wet, I discovered the following:

  • It does blend well.
  • You don’t need a ton of product, but it is easy to build up layers
  • Provided you have the special BB soap, it is relatively easy to clean
  • The sponge doesn’t last a long time. I’ve had mine for over two months and there are tears in it.
  • When you first clean the sponge, a ton of pink dye will wash out. A ton!!
  • As much as you take great care of this sponge, black moldy spots can appear.
  • If you do NOT use the BB soap, this thing is a bitch-and-a-half to clean
  • It really needs to be cleaned after every use (that is if you are cosmetic OCD as I am)
  • The price for the sponge—at $20 per, is expensive—especially when you need to replace. Add the price of the soap at $16.00 and it’s really pricey!

Beauty blender in case

Listen. I’ve followed care instructions faithfully..and still managed to get a bit of moldy black spots on this expensive little sponge!

I did an online search for possible dupes and discovered there were multiple dupes for Beauty Blender but all the dupes had mixed reviews.  I decided to find out for myself.

I picked up a dupe at TJ Maxx.  At the price of $3.99 it definitely was worth the buy! The brand is Revive and the blender, in the box, looked very much like Beauty Blender. Outside of the box and comparing the two (after getting the sponge wet), the Revive expands more in size, but is incredibly dense—almost like a rubber ball.

Beauty blender and beauty blending applicator. They look like little titties!

Wow. From this view point, my little sponges look like little pink titties!

Beauty blender left. Revive Beauty Blending sponge right

Closer view and you can see that the actual Beauty Blender is lighter in color, more porous and less dense in texture. There are a couple of rips and the tip–or nipple, just cannot get 100% cleaned of foundation.  

The Beauty Blender is softer to the touch and more pliable too. But I was still eager to try the dupe out.

I primed my face and applied some eye makeup.  Then decided to use Elf brand Flawless Foundation in Porcelain.

Elf Flawless Finish Foundation in Porcelain

Elf brand  Flawless Finish Foundation is a fantastic value for $6.00. And for more “mature” women who may be on a fixed income and want to look like a million bucks, may I recommend this? 

color and texture

One pump of the foundation. You can see the texture is very creamy and not liquidy–but that’s surprisingly a very good thing!

As a foundation junkie, I think I’ve tried just about every brand out there. Presently, I’m in love with my Marc Jacobs and Givenchy foundations. But when I’m just hanging around idly, I love to use the $6.00 Elf foundation. I’m telling you, this foundation is really a great value for the money.  Medium coverage. Doesn’t oxidize. It is actually better than some of the high-end ones I’ve bought in the past.

Anyway, one pump of foundation and I was able to see how far this bit of makeup would go with the Revive applicator.

Blending with the dupe. Being crosseyed is so hard

Oy, my eyes are crossing so badly–forgive me ladies, but I’m naturally cross-eyed!  Anyway, although not as soft as the Beauty Blender, this Revive dupe worked just great!

Guess what?  It worked like a charm. It

  • Was not as pliable and soft as BB, but it still did a fantastic job of blending in the foundation
  • BB may be easier to get into those little facial nooks and crannies by the nose, but with some maneuvering, the Revive worked just as well
  • Revive applicator seemed to soak up less product than Beauty Blender and was pretty easy to clean!

In addition, I highlighted and contoured with the NYX highlight and contour crème stick applicator.  The dupe blended everything in very nicely.

NYX Wonder stick.

NYX Wonder Stick Highlight and Contour in “light”.  This is another great highlight/contour product if you are a beginner at the fine art of contour. It blends into “old lady” skin effortlessly!

It isn't dirt. It's countour

No. It isn’t dirt. It’s the NYX contour.  And the Revive blender applicator sponge blended this in faultlessly!

Well, let me tell you. I had to run into the bathroom to get a tissue to blow my nose.  When I got back to my makeup table, I didn’t see the Revive applicator.  WTF? Where could it have gone? I was gone for a total of maybe 5 seconds.

Then I realized that Chippy was nowhere in sight.  I looked out of the room and saw what appeared to be a little piece of something dark pink.

Chippy got the Revive Sponge. He must have thought it was a toy.

Chippy seeks forgiveness

Oh. Chippy may LOOK innocent and he may beg forgiveness..but his little rescue pup is such a naughty rascal! He’s not interested in watching me apply makeup either. He’s just interested to see what he can put in his mouth and that Revive sponge whet his appetite!

Anyway, I found him hiding under the coffee table in the living room. The remainder of the sponge in his mouth.

Chippy at the Revive Blender at 3.99 it's ok

Just in case you may be wondering what the dupe looks like from the inside. Surprise!  I’m still using this until I get to T.J. Maxx for a replacement. I washed it. It’s fine.  It will be used.  Do. Not. Judge!

Let me just add another good quality about the Revive Beauty Blender dupe.  AT $3.99, it is easily replaceable if your dog happens to snack on it!

Face it! The Revive dupe works!  Look how nice my made up face looks after blending in the foundation, highlighter and contour. A bit of blush and a berry lippie complete the look.

Finished face 2

Oops! My lipstick smeared. I look like Bette Davis in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”! Seriously–the Revive Dupe did a fine job at blending all the makeup into my Grand Canyon of a face!  Another thing of note. Old Lady hair rules. It’s so much drier than when I was younger but that means I don’t have to wash it as much. Day 11 hair ladies. Day 11 dirty hair. I’ll wash it this weekend.

I want to tell you about another great bargain.  Primark leggings.   Primark is a fast fashion clothing and home goods store that has made the way from the UK and Ireland over to the States. Well—TWO states.  Pennsylvania and Mass. Lucky me—I live ten minutes away from the sole location in King of Prussia!  An additional store will be opening up in New York on Staten Island soon.

Oona asked me to pick up a pair of plush lined leggings—since I’ll be visiting her in a couple of weeks, I can act as Mom’s Courier Service!

In the meantime, I found leggings that suck and tuck the old lady’s body in–Primark Shaper Leggings.  I gave it a go at $6.00—what did I have to lose of Bonaparte’s hard-earned cash?

Firm control at 6 bucks its a steal

These leggings are amazing. Thick, but not too thick. Nice and firmly constructed and they do hold all those higgly-jiggly bits of my thighs and belly in so nicely! I will be going back for another pair or three! The “Large” fit me perfectly. Remember, this store goes by European sizing so it pays to jump a size!

Primark Leggings

A better look than the pajama bottoms and hoodies I’ve been living in.  Looks good with a J. Crew plaid shirt. These leggings are also the perfect travel bottoms.  Paired with boots and a tunic sweater–so comfy and practical!

Since a large part of today’s post is beauty and the beauty blender and its dupe. Here are the Temptations. “Beauty’s Only Skin Deep”  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah! “XOXOXOXOXO

 

Posted in Beauty Blender, Beauty Blender Dupes, Dirty hair, Dogs doing naughty things, Elf Flawless Finish Foundation, Highlight and Contour for old ladies, J. Crew, NYX Highlight and Contour, Primark, Primark Shaper Leggings, Revive Beauty Blender sponge | Tagged , , | 37 Comments

Spike, Jada, And A Little Gold-Plated Statuette Named Oscar

In all honesty, I am really, really trying to work on two posts. One post will be on my new healthy diet and the other on travel. But the news media threw me a bone and I felt compelled to give my two cents and my opinionated opinion. In other words– vidi-vidi-venting!

I’m sure you all know by now that both Spike Lee and Jada “Mrs. Will Smith”  Pinkett have been extremely vocal about their boycott of the 2016 Oscar awards.  I guess Jada wears the pants in that family because I haven’t heard or seen anything from her husband Will.  Will wasn’t nominated for an Oscar this year. I guess Jada is just pissed off that he failed to receive a nomination.

Spike

I swear to goddess–Spike is SUCH a New Yorker–he isn’t happy unless he is bitching about something! I KNOW this. I AM an ex-New Yorker. I love to bitch too Spike!

HOLLYWOOD, CA - FEBRUARY 24: Actors Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith attend the premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures' "Focus" at TCL Chinese Theatre on February 24, 2015 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

HOLLYWOOD, CA – FEBRUARY 24: Actors Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith attend the premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures’ “Focus” at TCL Chinese Theatre on February 24, 2015 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Looks like poor ol’ Will is whipped. Jada speaks for him–I guess she wears the pants. Poor Will–you’re still so adorable!

Guess what Jada?  Every year there are a great many actors and actresses who are snubbed by Oscar. They are young. They are old. They are white. They are black. They are Asian. They are Indian. They are Hispanic. They are biracial. They are Athiests.  They are Lesbian. They are Homosexual. They are Catholic. They are Jewish. They are Muslim.  As heartbreaking as this is, I’ll even bet some are Liberals!  This shit happens!

Guess what Spike?  Every year there are really, really wonderful films that are made by directors and writers who are white, black, Hispanic, French, Swedish, Jews, Atheists, Homosexual, Catholic, Muslim and the list goes on. This shit happens!

Bride and Prejudice

And another thing. Why are “Bollywood” films snubbed and excluded from the Academy Awards.  “Bride and Prejudice” was one of the greatest films ever made. I NEVER miss a viewing when it’s on TV!  It’s fun, it’s colorful (and that’s no pun!)..it’s happy!

Should we all boycott Larry David because his “Jewishness” played such an important role in “Curb Your Enthusiasm”?   Do you think he snubs anyone who isn’t Jewish?  He wrote about what he does and knows best about—being a Jewish comedy writer.  And a genius one at that!

Larry finds out his lawyer isn’t Jewish–but the end result is one of the funniest conclusions to this Curb episode!  Who cares if Larry doesn’t trust anyone who isn’t Jewish? It’s part of his charm!

I’m not done yet either.  Jada.  Think back to 1987 through 1993. Do you remember the show you were on “A Different World”?  Think back to 1990 when your husband’s show “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” was on TV.  Well, I do.  I remember both shows.  I used to watch those shows with my kids.  They were young back then and when we watched those shows, we didn’t see them as “black” TV shows. We saw them as great family programming.

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A Different World was a great family show–and focused on the trials and tribulations ALL young college students face.  

Fresh Prince of Bel Air

My kids, as well as I, STILL love this show!  Will Smith hasn’t aged a day. I’m wondering what his skin care regime is–Oops. I’ll have to ask Jada because she is the voice of Will!

I hope you realize this. I hope you also realize that so many families and children who watched and loved those shows were an incredibly diverse group of people.  The days after “Fresh Prince” aired, you could see a bunch of white, black, Hispanic, Asian kids in their school yards rapping:

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

What the hell is more important to you?  A little statue or the fact that two shows you and your husband were on had such a positive influence on kids and families of all ethnic groups? Really.  A month after the Oscars are aired, nobody will remember who won. We will remember who looked like shit and who looked fabulous though!

The Oscar statuette is the copyrighted property of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and the statuette and the phrases "Academy Award(s)" and "Oscar(s)" are registered trademarks under the laws of the United States and other countries. All published representations of the Award of Merit statuette, including photographs, drawings and other likenesses, must include the legend ©A.M.P.A.S.¨ to provide notice of copyright, trademark and service mark registration. Permission is hereby granted for use of the representation of the statuette in newspapers, periodicals and on television only in legitimate news articles or feature stories which refer to the annual Academy Awards as an event, or in stories or articles which refer to the Academy as an organization or to specific achievements for which the Academy Award has been given. Its use and any other use is subject to the "Legal Regulations for Using Intellectual Properties of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences" published by the Academy. A copy of the "Legal Regulations" may be obtained from: Legal Rights Coordinator, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, 8949 Wilshire Boulevard, Beverly Hills, California 90211; (310) 247-3000; or ©A.M.P.A.S.http://www.oscars.org/legal/preamble.html.

Seriously–nobody will even remember who wins–it’s all about the clothes, makeup and hair!

And Spike—you’ve done well with your films.  You’ve been nominated for and won a number of awards.  You should be proud and happy about what you’ve accomplished instead of boycotting an event when you aren’t nominated.

dotherightthinggallerymain

Do The Right Thing Spike. Don’t be bitter. Use positivity. Not negativity!

If you both were truly and deeply concerned about diversity, you would be on a platform for actors—especially Actresses over the age of 60.  You would be wondering just why there aren’t many OLDER Latino, Indian or Asian actors/actresses in vital roles. (Oh and Jada, you’re age is creeping upwards. You should be concerned about ageism my friend!)  Face it you two. You are NOT the only minority!  You would be scratching your heads thinking “Hmmm…isn’t “White Hollywood” funny—the only “old lady” choices are Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep—and sometimes Jane Fonda!”

Helen-Mirren-2_3086734c

Helen Mirren. THE hottest older woman ever! But she isn’t the only one!

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Meryl Streep..another great “mature” actress/actor!

I’m pissed that the great Lily Tomlin was overlooked for an Oscar for her performance in “Grandma”. But I guess the Oscar powers-that-be figured Charlotte Rampling was good enough for the token “old lady” nominee!

 

tomlin

Another great old broad. Lily Tomlin. She was snubbed..

Charlotte Rampling

I guess that’s because Hollywood can only have ONE older actress nominated!

And what about  “Trainwreck”?  Huh?  Where’s the love for sluts of all ages? In my eyes, Trainwreck was practically a documentary! And it was snubbed!

Trainwreck

This documentary movie about sluts was so snubbed..and sluts sleep with everybody. Sluts don’t care about ethnicity! They love size diversity!

If you both are truly and deeply concerned about the state of “Hollywood” lack of diversity, perhaps it is time for you to quit the business that has given you the salaries that most of us can only imagine and find a more meaningful line of employ.  Perhaps as an educator in a public school, or as an accountant.

Better yet, perhaps you can join the ranks of the hundreds of thousands of the melting-pot of Americans such as me who have no income and no medical insurance.  You definitely would be a part of an incredibly diverse group of people! You would fit right in with us.

Or—you can do as I do. Boycott in silence.  I boycott fashion magazines because they refuse to focus on older women in ads and in editorials. Now there’s a minority. Old Ladies!  We are black, white, Asian, Indian—and are all old and ignored by society. Wanna join my club?  I refuse to watch network TV shows due to their lack of older actresses and the ones who are older are usually portrayed in the worst of matronly and grouchy ways.

I could boycott life at my age—but I always prefer to see the glimmer of hope. That little ray that just may shine on people and make them realize that older people are important.

Boycott life

People may snub those my age, but we certainly won’t boycott life!

Perhaps you should do the same—look for that glimmer of light rather than focus on negativity.

Chris Rock was right. The Oscars are  “The White BET Awards” . He gets his message through with laughter.

rock2

Chris Rock, don’t you DARE step down as host of the Oscars! You can send a great message through laughter. Give it to us!

Laughter works. Thank you Chris..and I hope to laugh at your “White People” jokes on Oscar night!

I swear we were more progressive in the late 1960’s. Here’s a song (with the great Nell Carter) to prove it to you. From “Hair” “White Boys/Black Boys”

 

Posted in A Different World, Diversity in Film, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Hair, Jada Pinkett, Older actresses, Older Adults, Oscar Boycott, Uncategorized, Will Smith | Tagged , , , , , | 20 Comments

The Trouble With Travels

First of all, this post has nothing to do with Star Trek’s The Trouble With Tribbles!

Kirk_surrounded_by_Tribbles

Trust me, Tribbles would have been a better option than the troubles with the flight we had!

What it does have to do with is this:  Sometimes, even the best laid plans can go awry.   And those plans that can go awry are made worse when traveling.

Personally, I’m tired of reading magazine articles, watching travel shows on TV where—Every. Single. Detail. Is. Perfect.  Sometimes shit just happens and you have no control over it!

Why am I posting this?  Well..it’s because I’m working on a post about traveling abroad: In real life!  Vacation season doesn’t begin for a few months—but now is the time to start planning and to start making plans.

Below is a journal entry I made three years ago from my Shutterfly account.  It was a nightmare.  Our bright idea was to drive to my sister’s home in Long Island—not far from JFK. She drove us to the airport. Upon our returning day back to the States, she drove our car to the short-term parking while her husband followed in his car. Sounds like a great plan. Right?

001

BTW, Shutterfly does a great job of turning your photos into a lovely album full of memories!

So please.  Have a read and hopefully laugh and learn at my nastiness when things just don’t go MY  way.   And all of these incidents actually happened. It’s true!

______________________________________________________________

To save a lot of money. $1,600.00 to be exact, we flew Aer Lingus from JFK to Dublin and then connected for Paris. Easy Peasy.

Aer Lingus

I love Aer Lingus, but they are infamous for flying “Irish Time”–just as I live by the great delayed Irish time!

Not the same with the flight home:

Here’s how it rolled: We got to CDG. I knew we were in trouble when we checked our luggage. The flight was full and Aer Lingus attendants were checking in carry-on luggage. I freaked when Bonaparte checked my carry on. Why? It was chock full of every single item I purchased. Naturally, being quite the territorial woman, I wanted that shit with me–or as close to me as humanly possible.

carry in bag

Other than the essentials, my carry on bag was filled with all the treasures I purchased in France!

So we get on the plane. And wait on the runway. And wait. And wait. And the time is flying by and I’m getting panicky because we are going to miss our connection and I do NOT have my luggage with me. (What I really mean is, I do NOT have all the purchases I made with me!)

I call the flight attendant over and tell her that we have a connection to make to JFK. She explains to me in her lovely lilting brogue that it won’t be a problem and the connecting plane will wait and someone will be in Dublin to meet us and to take us to our awaiting flight. The only other time  that waiting made me this stressful was when my daughter, Oona,  was competing in Irish Dance and the wait for results was seemingly just as bad as this wait on the runway!

O thanksgiving 2

If you have an Irish dancer in your family, or know of anyone who does, then you are well-aware of how stressful the wait time for results are!

The plane finally takes off. I mumble some extremely naughty words—most of which start with the letter “F”. And my voice rises from a mere whisper to a full-on obnoxious LOUD! Bonaparte ignores me. I become so stressed that the flight attendant gives me not one–but TWO of those little bottles of Jamison. I drink both bottles.

We get to Dublin. Our connecting flight is going to leave in 5 minutes. It is supposed to wait.

A rep from Aer Lingus meets us at Dublin. She explains that our plane has boarded and is full. Now I’m in a total zone of “What the fucking shit is going on???“…and only because of the really, really good stuff that is in my luggage. Repettos. Nat & Nin bags. Rondini sandals. Clothes. CD’s. And my beauty products from CityPharma.  I know my shit is going to get lost. And this bitch from Aer Lingus is copping an attitude. This is just not good.

Rondini's and Repettos

My Rondini’s and Repetto ballet flats…

nat & nin bag

….my nat & nin bags…

dutronc

..my CD’s…and..

Paris. Citypharma bag of delights. Ahhhh.

…all my booty from CityPharma is going to get LOST! I know it is!

Nine of us passengers have now missed our connecting flight home. Vincent has his SEALED BAG of CREME DE CASSIS in his hand and I have nothing! I’m now in the crazy zone for sure!

We are rerouted to Boston and arrangements have been made to get to JFK via Jet Blue. I’m only thinking about my luggage. That’s all. My luggage.

We have to go through security a second time. I’m now in such an insane frame of mind that when my necklace “beeps” through that darn security thingy, I take my fist and rip the necklace clear off my neck as though I am the female version of  The Incredible Hulk’ and throw it on the floor. Security doesn’t even tell me to pick it up. Bonaparte makes it through with his Crème de Cassis.

We finally get on the plane. I am beyond any form of verbal usage at this point. I don’t even open my mouth and the flight attendant offers me more free drinks. I take them!

We land in Boston and we have an hour to make our connection on Jet Blue to JFK. I’m freaking out to the point where Bonaparte walked twenty paces ahead of me. Yes. I got my Linda Blair on! We had to go through Customs, get our baggage AND get through security..all in an hour!  I’m now like a lunatic because all I want is my luggage, but I cannot get it till I go through Customs. The line is long. I cut in the middle and someone makes the mistake of remarking to me. I turn around and literally hiss………”I missed my  fucking flight home, I don’t even know if I will get my luggage and I have ten minutes to make my flight to JFK”, I suppose by the fire coming from my ears the lady sympathized with me and I made it through Customs with plenty of time to get my luggage.

So I get to the baggage claim and Bonaparte is wondering where I was. He saw fire coming from my ears and didn’t say a word.  I started to cry “I don’t care about anything except that damn carry on with all my stuff. My Repettooooooooss” ….

tantrum

If Joshua Straub needs a model for an adult temper tantrum, I’m his woman!

 And then…an illumination in front of me. Not only did the luggage appear, but MY CARRY ON WAS THE FIRST PIECE OF LUGGAGE TO exit out of the conveyer belt!  Suddenly…the trip home was improving!

York_Minster_Illuminations

It was as though the doors of an illuminated cathedral opened and my luggage appeared!

A while later, with luggage in tow, we headed off to security. Again.

I beeped. Again. Time to have the TSA lady check me from head to toe. I was cleared to proceed.

Then it happened. Bonaparte’s Crème de Cassis. Two beautiful bottles. Sealed at CDG. Made it through Dublin.  Boston TSA confiscates it.  I mentioned to Mr. TSA-sshole that this same Crème de Cassis made it through security in Dublin.

creme de cassis

Two bottles of Creme de Cassis. Sealed in Paris. Made it through Dublin but the TSA guy in Boston confiscated it! Miserable prick!

Mr. TSA had the balls to say to me. “This Ain’t Dublin Lady..and it ain’t France’.

So I go up to him and say. “Open the bag. I’ll drink that shit before you get your grubby hands on it”.

 Bonaparte grabs my hand so hard I swear my arm got out of its socket–and I didn’t stop. I continued.

“Yeah..you grab Cassis but you’ll let some moron with a gun and homemade bomb makings pass  through your shitty –ass station!”. Bonaparte put his hand across my mouth and told the TSA man I had Tourettes. Then he told me if I didn’t keep quiet I would be arrested and they would take my carry-on away from me and I would lose my Repettos and every item that I was protecting!  THAT kept me quiet!

After this debacle, I have to say that Jet Blue is my new favorite domestic airline! We had a great and comfy ride back from Boston to JFK.  And it was a truly beautiful flight. We never got too high up in the sky because the flight was only 40 minutes. So we flew low. AND the entire flight was a fireworks show down the eastern coastline!  We were having a private July 4th celebration in the sky! And the descent into JFK was amazing. The fireworks got closer and closer and it was a great end to a stressful way home from Paris!

Fireworks

We flew over fireworks–it was the most amazing visual from the sky!

Was it worth saving the $1,600.00? At the time, I would say “NO”, but looking back, as long as I get to keep my carry on and in the future having Bonaparte placing the Cassis in a piece of luggage. Yeah. I guess it WAS worth the savings. Besides—despite missing our connection, I love the service on Aer Lingus!

Besides—I got to listen to my new Jacques Dutronc CD on the ride home from JFK!

Well, it was an adventure…and life is an adventure. So until my next travel! Hope you enjoy reading!

Plane

Finally home from a return I will never forget!

______________________________________________________________

By the way, Bonaparte made our reservations to Nice for this coming June.  We are flying into CDG and catching a connecting flight to Nice.  Bonaparte has assured me that the connecting flight will NOT be leaving CDG for a couple of hours and we will have plenty of time.  He said our luggage won’t be an issue because we will have to get it at the baggage claim before heading off to Nice.

I am going to squeeze three weeks’ worth of clothing into a carry on!

Here’s some Jacques Dutronc for a Sunday morning! “Hippie Hippie Hourrah”!

 

Posted in France, Jacques Dutronc, Repettos, Rondini Sandals, City Pharma, nan & nin, Shit happens, The return from France, Travel Plans Gone Wrong, Travel Troubles, Uncategorized | 25 Comments

Happy “Blogiversary” To Me!

It’s hard to believe that one year ago “Atypical60” was born!  So, is it really a Blogiversary?  Or is it more of a Blirthday?  You know what? It doesn’t matter.

BakedOccasions_BirthdayCake-thumb-1500xauto-414365

I offer all readers a piece of this cake. I’m off carbs and sugar for now so I’ll selflessly not partake. I’m a giver!

All I know is this–my blog evolved.  At first, I was going to concentrate solely on a blog geared to women over 50. But I ended up having so much to complain and vent and rant and rage and advise and boast and reflect and –well just say about nothing, anything, and everything (as well as being unemployed) that this blog is now more of a mixed bag.

However, I still continue to write about ageism, and being an old lady and all that other stuff with a sense of humor.

For many years, I thought about blogging, but finally came to fruition with it when I lost my job and needed an outlet to keep me busy.

Over the last year, I’ve made an incredible amount of friends who read my blog. Hipchick, the first follower, is still following–and I’m so grateful and happy!  I’ve met fellow bloggers who share my same thoughts. I’ve met friends on other continents–and it gives me quite a thrill that this little blog has reached across oceans and seas to give others a laugh.

I try to keep the humor no matter what–because humor is what we all need.

My blog isn’t very deep. It really isn’t intellectual.  It is full of errors that I’m too lazy to correct–but that’s part of my personality.  My “fashion” photos basically suck because I take them myself of me and they are a bit fuzzy, but that’s the realness of it. I’m no “professional” fashion blogger.  My travels are written from the POV of a non-jetsetter.  I save and research before going away. (Ok. I lied. Bonaparte does the saving and research. I just research the sales- I know. I know. I am full of shit. Don’t judge!) I write about food-and my fails and successes.

I’m just a 60 year old lady trying to spread the joy and humor of my life with a Frenchman–kind of like a Franco-American version of  “I Love Lucy”–only it’s “I Love Bonaparte”!

Much to the embarrassment of my kids, I also like writing about them too!

us at whythe

Me with Oona, Jake and Roman. Taken at the Wythe Hotel in Brooklyn. The weekend that started my blog!

Anyway, I just want to give a big “Thank You” to all my friends who read my blog–regularly and sometimey.  Thank you-you push me to continue….

..and for your entertainment, here’s the blog post that basically started it all. (It’s my second-ever post, the first post was just an introduction). OH..and some of the pictures are not showing up anymore because I mistakenly deleted the photos–hey, the blog was brand new. Ya live. Ya blog. Ya learn!

The Blog Post that Started It. My Weekend In Brooklyn!

What song could be more appropriate than Paul Tripp from “Birthday House” singing to me!

Paul Tripp’s Birthday House!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 56 Comments

Shit Old Ladies Do

I’m becoming increasingly pissed off at the way women over 50, or in my case, women 60 and over, i.e. OLD LADIES are treated.

The fashion industry sucks when it comes to older women. I’m not talking haute couture—let’s face it, the great majority of us cannot afford the complex, largely hand constructed clothing items that is only within arm’s reach of wealthy society chicks and trashy celebrities.

Tilda for chanel

While I AM thrilled that Karl Lagerfeld has used Tilda Swinton in ads, she is just a minute amount of older women in fashion ads–and Tilda is a great example of beauty over 50!

Mass-market fashion is geared toward youth.  How often do you see older women modeling today’s clothing?  The fashion industry seems to think any woman over 40 is ready for embellished sweatshirts and elastic-waist, ill-fitting pants.  Where’s the respect?

Old lady friends-have you tried to find a really cute-on trend skirt or dress recently? Yeah.  I thought so. You need a complete wax job on your origin of the world in order to even sit down in one of those shorter-than-hooker bottoms!

Miniskirt

Most of us would need a complete wax job just to be able to sit in a skirt this short.  The mass-market fashion industry has to get the “woman-as-hooker” visual from their pea-sized brains! Start producing more refined clothing–and not just geared for young women!

Cosmetics companies are another bone of contention. I’m a makeup junkie. I’m also entering into my 61st birth year.   I spend far more (of Bonaparte’s) money on cosmetics and beauty products than younger women do because I need them to enhance the features that were once– well, kind of pretty.  No matter how many creams and lotions I apply to my dry-as-the-Sahara face, nothing short of a face lift and fillers are going to bring back the youthful dewy complexion that once was mine.  So don’t even give me your false advertising.  I’m too sage and wise to fall for it.  Stop using 20 year old models to advertise anti-aging. And STOP with the “anti-aging” label for crissakes! Your creams will help smooth lines for a bit and hydrate, but they ain’t gonna stop the aging process!

Dermaveratrol-com-Anti-Aging-Cream-Monthly-Subscription-Club-scambook-group-4f4c0a7b6f0b0

THIS IS NOT AGEING SKIN!!  This ad for skin cream?  It does NOT give the effects of injections or surgery nor will it replace lasers. Do these people think we are idiots?  What does this model’s skin REALLY look like without the photo retouch or the makeup???

Old Ladies do no makeup

THIS is an ageing face.  Blotchy. Some wrinkles. Jowels.  No fillers. No makeup.  THIS is an ageing face that uses creams and lotions. And the majority of women who use those creams and lotions look more like me when they wake up..not the photoshoped model with makeup!

Society in general just treats us like old cows to be sent to pasture.  Corporations do NOT want to hire us because of our age—and anyone who doesn’t believe that is a moron!  It is true.  We are overlooked and ignored in the workforce.

cows out to pasture

Society just wants to put older women out to pasture–just like these cows!  Hmmm..they could use a bit of mascara!

We old ladies don’t like the way we’ve been treated.

But—here’s some shit that old ladies do—so read along and if you are younger, give your mom a kiss and a hug and appreciate the genes she passed down to you.   If you are an older male blogger, tell your woman how beautiful she is and treat her like the princess she should be treated as.   If you are in the cosmetics or fashion industry, take a good look at your older buyers and start to cater to them.   If you are in corporate HR or a hiring manager—I cannot even print what I think about you.

Anyway, here’s some good shit that old ladies do:

Old Ladies buy bras and underwear from Victoria’s Secret. Sure we may not look like the VS Angels, but the underwire bras, along with the chicken cutlets we insert give our saggy girls some well-needed lift at a far less expensive price point than a tit job.  Old ladies also wear thongs. Panty line has no age limit. And yet, some of us old ladies love to go commando at times!

Victorias secret and chicken cutlets

See the pretty VS logo in the middle of this bra? It’s a lovely over-the-shoulder-boulder holder, isn’t it?  Tons of padding to help the girls stand up–and for extra oomph we get to insert the little chicken cutlets. Far less expensive than a boob job!

Old ladies do the bouncy-bouncy. Some old ladies do it with old men.  Other old ladies do it with younger men.  There are the old ladies who do it with other old ladies and some who even do it with younger women. And some older women do the bouncy-bouncy by themselves—sometimes when you gotta do it right, you gotta do it yourself

Senior Couple Relaxing On Bed

Photo from Huffington Post

Yes. Older ladies do “it”. And have fun too!

Old ladies wear skinny jeans. From Old Navy Rock Star jeans to the higher end Paige jeans.  That’s right. We be rockin’ the well-rounded old lady booty in those tight denims. I’m shakin’ my groove thang. How about you?

old ladies do 024

I am an old lady. I rock the skinny jeans. Here I am rocking my Gap skinny jeans with pewter Ivanka Trump pointy-toed pumps, a brown GAP belt and a crisp white button down shirt from Ann Taylor. I think the look is nice and classic. It is a look that can be worn on women of ALL ages!

skinny jeans ass

My old lady booty can shake and groove just as much, if not better than, my younger peers!

Old ladies love their bar drinks just as much as young ladies do.  Young ladies refer to it as “drinking”. Older, more mature women refer to the beverages as “cocktails”. It’s more refined. You can learn a thing or two about refinement from an older woman!

refined cocktails

Put down the Bud Light and Heinie’s young ones! Start to drink like a REAL woman!

Old ladies do style so well!

Sartorialist-older-model

In this great photo from  The Satorialist this old lady is rockin’ some serious street fashion! I wanna hang with her!

Ines-de-la-Fressange-x-Uniqlo_exact780x1040_p Roger Vivier shoes

 Inès de La Fressange is the epitome of great French style..actually universal style.  Simple chic….

This old lady can multi-task the Hermes scarf! One day a headband and the next day a most excellent and stylish cover for hiding turkey neck–and more budget friendly than a neck lift!

Old ladies do love music—all genres—especially classic rock. Give us a few cocktails and we’ll be hittin’ that air guitar better than any 20 year old boy!

Hendrix

How many old ladies are STILL crushin’ on Jimi? Huh?   Our rock music rules!!!

Old ladies do have fun with cosmetics!

That’s right.  Just a small sampling of the many cosmetics in the makeup room of Atypical60!

naked smoky palette

More Naked by Urban Decay–this is the smoky palette

Old Ladies smoky eye

See how lovely my old lady eyes turned out this morning?

Marc Jacobs highlighter and contour

Marc Jacobs contour and highlighting powder duo. This is greatness. My color is 40!

Old Ladies do contour

Contouring is great because it slims down my face–and after all the weight I gained, I’m so happy that something on me looks thinner!

Old ladies do love to style their hair-whether it’s their real hair or fake hair! It’s all fun!

All made up and styling my REAL hair today!  All I do is finger comb and then tease it a bit on top. 

Me in wig 2

..and some days, I just want to wear fake hair!

Old Ladies can curse better than a member of an inner city gang.  Just ask anyone who knows me!

Some old ladies do smoke. I’m jealous.  Seriously. If I were not such a hypochondriac and afraid of getting sick, and if cigarettes didn’t cause wrinkles, and if cigarettes were not so expensive, I would be smoking like a steam pipe! Smoking would curb my ravenous appetite.   If I have an 80th birthday, I want a pack of Marlboro Lights and a bottle of Jack Daniels to celebrate!

Joni Mitchell

Joni Mitchell smokes..and has since she was about 13! She is one incredible older woman!

Old ladies do get manicures and pedicures.  They like to take care of their hands and feet!

 

Nice feet

These feet look a lot younger than their age. That’s because I don’t wear socks in the winter. Bare is the way to go..all year!

Old ladies do run for President–and hopefully one WILL be President!

Former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton  takes part in a Center for American Progress roundtable discussion on "Expanding Opportunities in America's Urban Areas" in Washington.

Former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton takes part in a Center for American Progress roundtable discussion on “Expanding Opportunities in America’s Urban Areas” in Washington.

If Bernie doesn’t get the nomination, my vote will definitely go with Hillary! 

Old ladies (and old men) do eat dinner later, much later than 4:00 in the afternoon. Please get that straight.  We appreciate fine dining and fine wine.  The majority of us do NOT go to Country Buffet for the early bird special!

Bibou. Wine that we took with us

No early bird special for THIS old lady and Bonaparte!  We start a late dinner off with a fine wine!

Old ladies do like to watch cool TV shows.

mozart-in-the-jungle

…and the fact it isn’t on Network TV makes it even more cool!

Old ladies do love to wear those heels and wear them well.  We do love our ballet flats too—but make sure they are good ones—like Repettos!

Heel of the day

Fun shoes like this aren’t just for young feet…..

Repettos

..and the Repetto Ballet flats are great for travel and walking around city streets all day!

Old ladies do love a good retro look.  Miniskirts, boots and the long coat. Honey’s we started that look way back in the late 1960’s through the early 1970’s.  It is not a new look.

Mini tights boots belt long coat.

One of my favorite looks since I was a junior in high school. Over-the-knee boots, black tights, gray mini (from Banana Republic) Black turtleneck (Old Navy), Brown Belt (Gap), Brown long coat (which I stole from Bonaparte–he got it in France many years ago. It’s mine now)

God may have created women, but Bardot created that iconic big, teased, messy, I-just-rolled-out-of-bed hair and look.  I’m channeling it in a black-and-white, new wave French film kinda way!

Basically, old ladies do the same shit that everyone else does–so don’t exclude us!

In honor of the sexy older woman, here’s the wonderful Dalida with ” Il Venait D’avoir 18 Ans. A song about a woman in love with an 18 year old boy! Oh lala!

 

Posted in Bardot, Cosmetics, Retro looks, Stylish Older Women | Tagged , , , , | 108 Comments

Booking My Plight

The past weekend was a lazy one.  Rain put a damper on any long walks my delusions would have me take with Chippy.  I had to do color my roots.

waiting for crumbs

Chippy can run around the house on those rainy days because I’m not leaving the house!

Dyed and set

I’m like a celebrity. I spent my Sunday preparing for beauty with a root dye job and a roller set!

We watched the narcissism of Hollywood rise to the top of the milk bottle—and trust me, it wasn’t all cream of the crop–at The Golden Globes on Sunday evening.  I’m tired of J.Lo’s Zoolander facial expressions—and that Angelina Jolie pose, not to mention the horrific color gown she wore.

jennifer-lopez-golden-globes-20161

Am I the only one who’s so freakin’ tired of J. Lo and her same Zoolander facial expression.  Am I the only one to realize that the beautiful Angelina Jolie CREATED that leg-sticking-out-of-the-slit pose?  It’s been done J. Lo!  I need ketchup to go with that mustard dress!

Amy Schumer, bless her heart, worse than that ill-fitting dress is now “besties” with the most annoying, cloying, ever-so-full-of-herself, one dimensional, Jennifer Lawrence. Blech! I just KNEW the popularity of “Trainwreck”  would destroy Amy as I knew her!

jlaw-amy-inlin-61024301-c8eb-487f-8903-0161e0c4816d

Thanks Amy, ya phoney.  Now you’re hanging out with HER????  She’s an obnoxious and arrogant, full-of-herself twit!

The saving graces were Ricky Gervais as host.

73gg_keyart_gervais

Ricky Gervais as the returning host for the Golden Globe Awards IS proof that God exists. Thank you, Hipster Jesus, for answering my prayers and having such a scathing sense of humor. Amen.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s win and Emily Rossum’s outfit. With an honorable mention to the beautiful Katy Perry’s wig!

 

 

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Leo–he’s like fine wine because he just gets better with age.  Other celebrities should take a cue from him. He refers to his co-workers as “OUR”–not “MY”.  A great sign of character. Hope he brings Oscar home!

emmy-rossum-fiance-sam-esmail-golden-globes-2016-08

Emily Rossum was THE picture of simple elegance. Her look is just so refined and classic. One of the best looks of the evening!

katy-perry-golden-globes_1

I am pasting this to my fridge. THIS is the look I want to wear!  That wig is outstanding. I would need to inflate my saggy tits, but still, with a ton of underwire, and a 30 pound weight loss, I can dupe that look!

Then we woke up to the devastating news about David Bowie.

David Bowie Last Picture by Iman

The last photo of David Bowie taken by his wife, Iman. She took this photo two days before his transition to another universe.  This photograph is absolutely beautiful and it is the way I want to remember the ever-stylish Mr. Bowie.

I wanted to get away.  And what better place to sneak off to but a book store?  Book stores are that place.  A place that isn’t as quiet and somber as a library. Yet, a place that is bustling with people who enjoy not only to read, but to be surrounded by books with a more lively atmosphere.

The Boulder Bookstore located on the West end of the Pearl Street Mall Nov. 11, 2008. (CU Independent file/ Sam Hall)

The Boulder Bookstore located on the West end of the Pearl Street Mall Nov. 11, 2008. (CU Independent file/ Sam Hall)

I hope this bookstore is still in business.  This is my kind of hangout!

Have you taken a walk around your local mall recently?  Have you noticed the lack of book stores?  How come?  Malls will be home to shops filled with nothing but flip-flops. Some shops will have nothing to offer except bracelets in which to add charms.  Others will sell bean bag furniture and yet others will offer nothing but cheap posters and tee-shirts.  The only reading materials are the calendars in the kiosks and the brochures offered by both mall information and local real estate companies.

Oh yes. I know. I know.  E-books are available.  You can read an entire novel on your tablet.  Or—you can listen to an audio book while driving.  Something is missing there folks!

books on my tablet

The “books” that are uploaded to my tablet.  I haven’t read a one of them because I find reading on a tablet annoying! Gimme a damn book!

What about the act of turning pages?  What about reading  the author’ bio  in the jacket?  What about the cover illustration?  What about the smell of the paper in a book?  Why listen to an audio book when you can imagine your own voices?  What about bookshelves stocked with your favorite and not-so-favorite reads?

Books. Sci fi section

My least favorite genre of books–but to see the many books is more welcoming than unwelcoming!

Bookstores are never boring.  Barnes & Noble may be the book store of choice these days—and largely because smaller stores have gone out of business thanks to the electronic age.  Don’t get me wrong. B & N is a happy place for me.

Barnes and noble membership card

It’s the only membership I truly care about! Besides–the discount is fantastic!

I know once I enter, that I will be entertained for hours.  I can take a look-see over at the large selection of bargain books and perhaps pick up a fun cookbook or maybe get around to reading “that former best seller that I wanted to read but didn’t want to spend the money on”,  of which price has been lowered to $5.98!

Books. Cookbooks

You never know what new kind of cookbook you can find–and they are fun to read!

I can saunter through various sections; you never know what treasures one can find.

The children’s book section IS a treasure chest of memories for me.  All three of these books have been read to and by my kids.  True classics!

If my attention span is a bit on the shaky side, I can flip through magazines or coffee-table books.

Do I need a bookmark or a journal or a pen?  Perhaps a greeting card.  All can be found within the confines of this large department store of all things literary!

disorganized crime 049

I never tire of this glorious sight as I make my descent down the escalator and B & N!

If I need respite from my frustration of unemployment, I find a table and chair over at the Starbucks area.  In that little alcove, I can enjoy a Nonfat Chai Latte and join others who are seeking the same comfort that I am.

Books. A place to sit

Or, if you prefer some little tucked-away corner, you can find a seat and read without interruption for hours!

 

I remember various visits to New Orleans in past years—way before Katrina.  It was a blast rummaging through old books at Crescent City Books on Chartres Street.  The musty scent of old books was like a fine perfume and perusing through old and out-of-print books was a lesson in history.

Cresent City Books

Crescent City Books–while others are enjoyinga drink of Brandy Milk Punch or a Hurricane drink, I could be found in here enjoying the musty scent of old, worn out books more than a the scent of a dark roux!

Whenever we are in Paris, we love—absolutely love to spend time lazing around in book stores. I’m telling you, the French adore their books and reading—and the proof is in the tremendous amount of book shops scattered throughout the city’s arrondissements.

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Shakespeare and Company may be the most infamous bookstore in Paris but we prefer the unknown, out-of-the-way book shops and, while walking, …..

Les bouquinistes Paris.jpg.824x0_q85

….les bouquinistes of Paris.  Makes walking incredibly enjoyable!

When we moved to Pennington, there was a book store in a little strip mall up the street from where we lived.  It was there that I got to spend “an evening with James Lee Burke”.  One of my favorite detective writers, close up and personal.  The store closed a few years later—I’m pretty sure it was because the video store that opened took much of the business away.  Video games were more popular than the act of reading a novel.

It was such a pleasurable experience to meet the man behind the great stories!

Do you remember the now defunct “Borders”?  I cannot even begin to add up the hours I spent there while Oona was at dance classes.  For two hours two and sometimes three times a week, I would be in my glories perusing, reading and enjoying coffee. It was much better than sitting in the sweaty waiting room of the dance studio and gave me quality “me” time!

Borders logo

It was sad to see Borders close. It really was a very decent bookstore!

Books bring memories.  Over this past Christmas, Oona and I were shopping.   She randomly mentioned that one of her favorite childhood memories was whenever I took the kids to Barnes & Noble.   The conversation went something like this:

Oona:  “Remember when we were kids and on rainy days during the summer you would take us to Barnes and Noble in Princeton?”

Me:  “Hell, yeah.”  “Market Fair in Princeton. That was a great Barnesan”.

 NOTE:  The kids and I, especially me and Roman, would often speak in our own language of “Abreev”—we abbreviated lots of words and phrases.  Barnes and Noble was oftentimes referred to as “Barnsan”—just as J. Crew was often, and still, is known as “Jacrew”.

Oona: “I loved that whenever we went there you would never say “no” if we wanted a book. You always bought us tons of books”.  “It’s one of my best memories because books were so much better than toys.”

Me:  Thanks Oonz (more abreev)—that makes me happy!”

 I can thank “Barnesan” and the many books I purchased for the kids to help me in my journey of child-rearing!

I can also thank the book stores I’ve visited for allowing me to enter the world of travel, self-improvement, the lives of others and many other subjects and genres.

 Books. Living Your Best Life

Yup! Sometimes reading is better, and much less expensive, therapy!

Without the bookstores that housed so many books, I would have never been able to secure my full love and admiration for reading.

Bookshelf 2

One of the bookshelves at home.  There is never a shortage of reading material in Chateau Bonaparte!

Without the books to read, I would have never been able to perfect my wild imagination.  Without my wild imagination, I would have never been able to write.  Without the ability to write, I would have never started blogging.

Thank you Barnesan, Barnes & Noble, Borders, Strand Books, and all the other book shops, large and small, opened and closed that I’ve spent time in throughout my life.  You are more influential than you could have ever imagined.

Still thinking about David Bowie, I wanted to revisit Major Tom. XOXOXOXO! The ORIGINAL version for you:

 

Posted in Amelia Bedelia, Barnes and Noble, Bookstores, Borders, Frog and Toad Together, James Lee Burke | Tagged , , , | 25 Comments

Good Bye Starman

Our world lost a great musician and talent.  The shock is still with me. But you know what?

Our starman is now in another universe.  I like to believe that he’s on top of a star in the heavens and sitting down and watching over all of us.

Thank you David Bowie for all the musical gifts you have given us. Thank you for your art. Thank you for your love!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 10 Comments