For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about a special little lady. She’s been in my mind and my heart while I’ve been working on posts, and while I’ve been going around my daily duties. It’s hard to not get all teary-eyed when I think of her.
Last year, around this time, I wrote an homage to her. It was one of my first posts.
This year, I would like to repost this. If you have lost a pet who has left you and transitioned to the other side, or if you have a pet who is still with you, please take a moment to read about the memories of my dear beloved Ruby.
She was one in a million and is still within the hearts and souls not only of me, but with everyone she touched–inside and outside of my family and circle of friends.
Bonaparte took such great care of her in her final days. She was a great dame of a yellow lab. Miss Ruby–I wish you never left!
We are having a piece of furniture delivered today so I decided that I had better “put my best face on”—naturally I didn’t want to scare the delivery men because there could be a chance of their dropping this nice TV cabinet down three flights of stairs.
This would be a great time to try my new purchase. The Revive Beauty Blending applicator. This little blending sponge is a much less expensive dupe for the iconic “Beauty Blender” sponge Beauty Blender is the makeup sponge that every beauty blogger, You Tube beauty vlogger, and “expert” raves about.
The original Beauty Blender is on the left. The Revive brand “make up Blending Applicator” sponge is on the right.
Beauty Blender has been around for a while and I’ve always been on the fence about purchasing it. My fingers and foundation brushes seemed to be working fine—until my skin started to age on the fast track and become all wrinkly, blotchy and creped! Yuck! And let me tell you something—it seemed to happen overnight!
It wasn’t until I had a free make up application at Sephora that I found out how really great the Beauty Blender really is! The foundation blended in really well and did not appear cakey nor did my skin look dry either. If you are over 50 years, you know what I’m talking about.
Anyway, I purchased the Beauty Blender and the special cake of soap that is recommended for cleaning this sponge. At $20.00 for the sponge and $16.00 for the soap, this was not an inexpensive purchase.
One ounce of this solid cleanser soap bar is $16.00. It works but only gets 95% of the makeup off. Look at the little photo on the right. That’s the actual soap and it has pink marks from the Beauty Blender’s dye and foundation markings as well. Also, it’s scented with lavender. So if you are allergic..beware!
But let’s “face” it old lady friends. Our old skin isn’t as supple nor is it as luminous or even as when we were young. We get redness and age spots along with those lines. And there is nothing worse than caked up foundation on an old face!
My naked old-lady face with no foundation. See how red and blotchy and freckled my face is? I have wrinkles and fine lines. My face is also creped the the mouth. Hey. It is what it is. At our age, we have to work with what we have. Especially if we cannot afford fillers or a face lift!
Believe me; I cannot count the times when Bonaparte has said:
“Cassee. Ou ‘ev too much mek-up on ou fez” “Eezzz all ceked up”. (Translation: “Cathe. You have too much makeup on your face. It’s all caked up”
So after taking my pricey Beauty Blender home and placing it under running water to expand and get nice and wet, I discovered the following:
It does blend well.
You don’t need a ton of product, but it is easy to build up layers
Provided you have the special BB soap, it is relatively easy to clean
The sponge doesn’t last a long time. I’ve had mine for over two months and there are tears in it.
When you first clean the sponge, a ton of pink dye will wash out. A ton!!
As much as you take great care of this sponge, black moldy spots can appear.
If you do NOT use the BB soap, this thing is a bitch-and-a-half to clean
It really needs to be cleaned after every use (that is if you are cosmetic OCD as I am)
The price for the sponge—at $20 per, is expensive—especially when you need to replace. Add the price of the soap at $16.00 and it’s really pricey!
Listen. I’ve followed care instructions faithfully..and still managed to get a bit of moldy black spots on this expensive little sponge!
I did an online search for possible dupes and discovered there were multiple dupes for Beauty Blender but all the dupes had mixed reviews. I decided to find out for myself.
I picked up a dupe at TJ Maxx. At the price of $3.99 it definitely was worth the buy! The brand is Revive and the blender, in the box, looked very much like Beauty Blender. Outside of the box and comparing the two (after getting the sponge wet), the Revive expands more in size, but is incredibly dense—almost like a rubber ball.
Wow. From this view point, my little sponges look like little pink titties!
Closer view and you can see that the actual Beauty Blender is lighter in color, more porous and less dense in texture. There are a couple of rips and the tip–or nipple, just cannot get 100% cleaned of foundation.
The Beauty Blender is softer to the touch and more pliable too. But I was still eager to try the dupe out.
I primed my face and applied some eye makeup. Then decided to use Elf brand Flawless Foundation in Porcelain.
Elf brand Flawless Finish Foundation is a fantastic value for $6.00. And for more “mature” women who may be on a fixed income and want to look like a million bucks, may I recommend this?
One pump of the foundation. You can see the texture is very creamy and not liquidy–but that’s surprisingly a very good thing!
As a foundation junkie, I think I’ve tried just about every brand out there. Presently, I’m in love with my Marc Jacobs and Givenchy foundations. But when I’m just hanging around idly, I love to use the $6.00 Elf foundation. I’m telling you, this foundation is really a great value for the money. Medium coverage. Doesn’t oxidize. It is actually better than some of the high-end ones I’ve bought in the past.
Anyway, one pump of foundation and I was able to see how far this bit of makeup would go with the Revive applicator.
Oy, my eyes are crossing so badly–forgive me ladies, but I’m naturally cross-eyed! Anyway, although not as soft as the Beauty Blender, this Revive dupe worked just great!
Guess what? It worked like a charm. It
Was not as pliable and soft as BB, but it still did a fantastic job of blending in the foundation
BB may be easier to get into those little facial nooks and crannies by the nose, but with some maneuvering, the Revive worked just as well
Revive applicator seemed to soak up less product than Beauty Blender and was pretty easy to clean!
In addition, I highlighted and contoured with the NYX highlight and contour crème stick applicator. The dupe blended everything in very nicely.
NYX Wonder Stick Highlight and Contour in “light”. This is another great highlight/contour product if you are a beginner at the fine art of contour. It blends into “old lady” skin effortlessly!
No. It isn’t dirt. It’s the NYX contour. And the Revive blender applicator sponge blended this in faultlessly!
Well, let me tell you. I had to run into the bathroom to get a tissue to blow my nose. When I got back to my makeup table, I didn’t see the Revive applicator. WTF? Where could it have gone? I was gone for a total of maybe 5 seconds.
Then I realized that Chippy was nowhere in sight. I looked out of the room and saw what appeared to be a little piece of something dark pink.
Chippy got the Revive Sponge. He must have thought it was a toy.
Oh. Chippy may LOOK innocent and he may beg forgiveness..but his little rescue pup is such a naughty rascal! He’s not interested in watching me apply makeup either. He’s just interested to see what he can put in his mouth and that Revive sponge whet his appetite!
Anyway, I found him hiding under the coffee table in the living room. The remainder of the sponge in his mouth.
Just in case you may be wondering what the dupe looks like from the inside. Surprise! I’m still using this until I get to T.J. Maxx for a replacement. I washed it. It’s fine. It will be used. Do. Not. Judge!
Let me just add another good quality about the Revive Beauty Blender dupe. AT $3.99, it is easily replaceable if your dog happens to snack on it!
Face it! The Revive dupe works! Look how nice my made up face looks after blending in the foundation, highlighter and contour. A bit of blush and a berry lippie complete the look.
Oops! My lipstick smeared. I look like Bette Davis in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane”! Seriously–the Revive Dupe did a fine job at blending all the makeup into my Grand Canyon of a face! Another thing of note. Old Lady hair rules. It’s so much drier than when I was younger but that means I don’t have to wash it as much. Day 11 hair ladies. Day 11 dirty hair. I’ll wash it this weekend.
I want to tell you about another great bargain. Primark leggings. Primark is a fast fashion clothing and home goods store that has made the way from the UK and Ireland over to the States. Well—TWO states. Pennsylvania and Mass. Lucky me—I live ten minutes away from the sole location in King of Prussia! An additional store will be opening up in New York on Staten Island soon.
Oona asked me to pick up a pair of plush lined leggings—since I’ll be visiting her in a couple of weeks, I can act as Mom’s Courier Service!
In the meantime, I found leggings that suck and tuck the old lady’s body in–Primark Shaper Leggings. I gave it a go at $6.00—what did I have to lose of Bonaparte’s hard-earned cash?
These leggings are amazing. Thick, but not too thick. Nice and firmly constructed and they do hold all those higgly-jiggly bits of my thighs and belly in so nicely! I will be going back for another pair or three! The “Large” fit me perfectly. Remember, this store goes by European sizing so it pays to jump a size!
A better look than the pajama bottoms and hoodies I’ve been living in. Looks good with a J. Crew plaid shirt. These leggings are also the perfect travel bottoms. Paired with boots and a tunic sweater–so comfy and practical!
Since a large part of today’s post is beauty and the beauty blender and its dupe. Here are the Temptations. “Beauty’s Only Skin Deep” Yeah. Yeah. Yeah! “XOXOXOXOXO
In all honesty, I am really, really trying to work on two posts. One post will be on my new healthy diet and the other on travel. But the news media threw me a bone and I felt compelled to give my two cents and my opinionated opinion. In other words– vidi-vidi-venting!
I’m sure you all know by now that both Spike Lee and Jada “Mrs. Will Smith” Pinkett have been extremely vocal about their boycott of the 2016 Oscar awards. I guess Jada wears the pants in that family because I haven’t heard or seen anything from her husband Will. Will wasn’t nominated for an Oscar this year. I guess Jada is just pissed off that he failed to receive a nomination.
I swear to goddess–Spike is SUCH a New Yorker–he isn’t happy unless he is bitching about something! I KNOW this. I AM an ex-New Yorker. I love to bitch too Spike!
HOLLYWOOD, CA – FEBRUARY 24: Actors Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith attend the premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures’ “Focus” at TCL Chinese Theatre on February 24, 2015 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)
Looks like poor ol’ Will is whipped. Jada speaks for him–I guess she wears the pants. Poor Will–you’re still so adorable!
Guess what Jada? Every year there are a great many actors and actresses who are snubbed by Oscar. They are young. They are old. They are white. They are black. They are Asian. They are Indian. They are Hispanic. They are biracial. They are Athiests. They are Lesbian. They are Homosexual. They are Catholic. They are Jewish. They are Muslim. As heartbreaking as this is, I’ll even bet some are Liberals! This shit happens!
Guess what Spike? Every year there are really, really wonderful films that are made by directors and writers who are white, black, Hispanic, French, Swedish, Jews, Atheists, Homosexual, Catholic, Muslim and the list goes on. This shit happens!
And another thing. Why are “Bollywood” films snubbed and excluded from the Academy Awards. “Bride and Prejudice” was one of the greatest films ever made. I NEVER miss a viewing when it’s on TV! It’s fun, it’s colorful (and that’s no pun!)..it’s happy!
Should we all boycott Larry David because his “Jewishness” played such an important role in “Curb Your Enthusiasm”? Do you think he snubs anyone who isn’t Jewish? He wrote about what he does and knows best about—being a Jewish comedy writer. And a genius one at that!
Larry finds out his lawyer isn’t Jewish–but the end result is one of the funniest conclusions to this Curb episode! Who cares if Larry doesn’t trust anyone who isn’t Jewish? It’s part of his charm!
I’m not done yet either. Jada. Think back to 1987 through 1993. Do you remember the show you were on “A Different World”? Think back to 1990 when your husband’s show “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” was on TV. Well, I do. I remember both shows. I used to watch those shows with my kids. They were young back then and when we watched those shows, we didn’t see them as “black” TV shows. We saw them as great family programming.
A Different World was a great family show–and focused on the trials and tribulations ALL young college students face.
My kids, as well as I, STILL love this show! Will Smith hasn’t aged a day. I’m wondering what his skin care regime is–Oops. I’ll have to ask Jada because she is the voice of Will!
I hope you realize this. I hope you also realize that so many families and children who watched and loved those shows were an incredibly diverse group of people. The days after “Fresh Prince” aired, you could see a bunch of white, black, Hispanic, Asian kids in their school yards rapping:
Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air
What the hell is more important to you? A little statue or the fact that two shows you and your husband were on had such a positive influence on kids and families of all ethnic groups? Really. A month after the Oscars are aired, nobody will remember who won. We will remember who looked like shit and who looked fabulous though!
Seriously–nobody will even remember who wins–it’s all about the clothes, makeup and hair!
And Spike—you’ve done well with your films. You’ve been nominated for and won a number of awards. You should be proud and happy about what you’ve accomplished instead of boycotting an event when you aren’t nominated.
Do The Right Thing Spike. Don’t be bitter. Use positivity. Not negativity!
If you both were truly and deeply concerned about diversity, you would be on a platform for actors—especially Actresses over the age of 60. You would be wondering just why there aren’t many OLDER Latino, Indian or Asian actors/actresses in vital roles. (Oh and Jada, you’re age is creeping upwards. You should be concerned about ageism my friend!) Face it you two. You are NOT the only minority! You would be scratching your heads thinking “Hmmm…isn’t “White Hollywood” funny—the only “old lady” choices are Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep—and sometimes Jane Fonda!”
Helen Mirren. THE hottest older woman ever! But she isn’t the only one!
Meryl Streep..another great “mature” actress/actor!
I’m pissed that the great Lily Tomlin was overlooked for an Oscar for her performance in “Grandma”. But I guess the Oscar powers-that-be figured Charlotte Rampling was good enough for the token “old lady” nominee!
Another great old broad. Lily Tomlin. She was snubbed..
I guess that’s because Hollywood can only have ONE older actress nominated!
And what about “Trainwreck”? Huh? Where’s the love for sluts of all ages? In my eyes, Trainwreck was practically a documentary! And it was snubbed!
This documentary movie about sluts was so snubbed..and sluts sleep with everybody. Sluts don’t care about ethnicity! They love size diversity!
If you both are truly and deeply concerned about the state of “Hollywood” lack of diversity, perhaps it is time for you to quit the business that has given you the salaries that most of us can only imagine and find a more meaningful line of employ. Perhaps as an educator in a public school, or as an accountant.
Better yet, perhaps you can join the ranks of the hundreds of thousands of the melting-pot of Americans such as me who have no income and no medical insurance. You definitely would be a part of an incredibly diverse group of people! You would fit right in with us.
Or—you can do as I do. Boycott in silence. I boycott fashion magazines because they refuse to focus on older women in ads and in editorials. Now there’s a minority. Old Ladies! We are black, white, Asian, Indian—and are all old and ignored by society. Wanna join my club? I refuse to watch network TV shows due to their lack of older actresses and the ones who are older are usually portrayed in the worst of matronly and grouchy ways.
I could boycott life at my age—but I always prefer to see the glimmer of hope. That little ray that just may shine on people and make them realize that older people are important.
People may snub those my age, but we certainly won’t boycott life!
Perhaps you should do the same—look for that glimmer of light rather than focus on negativity.
Chris Rock was right. The Oscars are “The White BET Awards” . He gets his message through with laughter.
Chris Rock, don’t you DARE step down as host of the Oscars! You can send a great message through laughter. Give it to us!
Laughter works. Thank you Chris..and I hope to laugh at your “White People” jokes on Oscar night!
I swear we were more progressive in the late 1960’s. Here’s a song (with the great Nell Carter) to prove it to you. From “Hair” “White Boys/Black Boys”
First of all, this post has nothing to do with Star Trek’s The Trouble With Tribbles!
Trust me, Tribbles would have been a better option than the troubles with the flight we had!
What it does have to do with is this: Sometimes, even the best laid plans can go awry. And those plans that can go awry are made worse when traveling.
Personally, I’m tired of reading magazine articles, watching travel shows on TV where—Every. Single. Detail. Is. Perfect. Sometimes shit just happens and you have no control over it!
Why am I posting this? Well..it’s because I’m working on a post about traveling abroad: In real life! Vacation season doesn’t begin for a few months—but now is the time to start planning and to start making plans.
Below is a journal entry I made three years ago from my Shutterfly account. It was a nightmare. Our bright idea was to drive to my sister’s home in Long Island—not far from JFK. She drove us to the airport. Upon our returning day back to the States, she drove our car to the short-term parking while her husband followed in his car. Sounds like a great plan. Right?
BTW, Shutterfly does a great job of turning your photos into a lovely album full of memories!
So please. Have a read and hopefully laugh and learn at my nastiness when things just don’t go MY way. And all of these incidents actually happened. It’s true!
To save a lot of money. $1,600.00 to be exact, we flew Aer Lingus from JFK to Dublin and then connected for Paris. Easy Peasy.
I love Aer Lingus, but they are infamous for flying “Irish Time”–just as I live by the great delayed Irish time!
Not the same with the flight home:
Here’s how it rolled: We got to CDG. I knew we were in trouble when we checked our luggage. The flight was full and Aer Lingus attendants were checking in carry-on luggage. I freaked when Bonaparte checked my carry on. Why? It was chock full of every single item I purchased. Naturally, being quite the territorial woman, I wanted that shit with me–or as close to me as humanly possible.
Other than the essentials, my carry on bag was filled with all the treasures I purchased in France!
So we get on the plane. And wait on the runway. And wait. And wait. And the time is flying by and I’m getting panicky because we are going to miss our connection and I do NOT have my luggage with me. (What I really mean is, I do NOT have all the purchases I made with me!)
I call the flight attendant over and tell her that we have a connection to make to JFK. She explains to me in her lovely lilting brogue that it won’t be a problem and the connecting plane will wait and someone will be in Dublin to meet us and to take us to our awaiting flight. The only other time that waiting made me this stressful was when my daughter, Oona, was competing in Irish Dance and the wait for results was seemingly just as bad as this wait on the runway!
If you have an Irish dancer in your family, or know of anyone who does, then you are well-aware of how stressful the wait time for results are!
The plane finally takes off. I mumble some extremely naughty words—most of which start with the letter “F”. And my voice rises from a mere whisper to a full-on obnoxious LOUD! Bonaparte ignores me. I become so stressed that the flight attendant gives me not one–but TWO of those little bottles of Jamison. I drink both bottles.
We get to Dublin. Our connecting flight is going to leave in 5 minutes. It is supposed to wait.
A rep from Aer Lingus meets us at Dublin. She explains that our plane has boarded and is full. Now I’m in a total zone of “What the fucking shitis going on???“…and only because of the really, really good stuff that is in my luggage. Repettos. Nat & Nin bags. Rondini sandals. Clothes. CD’s. And my beauty products from CityPharma. I know my shit is going to get lost. And this bitch from Aer Lingus is copping an attitude. This is just not good.
My Rondini’s and Repetto ballet flats…
….my nat & nin bags…
..my CD’s…and..
…all my booty from CityPharma is going to get LOST! I know it is!
Nine of us passengers have now missed our connecting flight home. Vincent has his SEALED BAG of CREME DE CASSIS in his hand and I have nothing! I’m now in the crazy zone for sure!
We are rerouted to Boston and arrangements have been made to get to JFK via Jet Blue. I’m only thinking about my luggage. That’s all. My luggage.
We have to go through security a second time. I’m now in such an insane frame of mind that when my necklace “beeps” through that darn security thingy, I take my fist and rip the necklace clear off my neck as though I am the female version of The Incredible Hulk’ and throw it on the floor. Security doesn’t even tell me to pick it up. Bonaparte makes it through with his Crème de Cassis.
We finally get on the plane. I am beyond any form of verbal usage at this point. I don’t even open my mouth and the flight attendant offers me more free drinks. I take them!
We land in Boston and we have an hour to make our connection on Jet Blue to JFK. I’m freaking out to the point where Bonaparte walked twenty paces ahead of me. Yes. I got my Linda Blair on! We had to go through Customs, get our baggage AND get through security..all in an hour! I’m now like a lunatic because all I want is my luggage, but I cannot get it till I go through Customs. The line is long. I cut in the middle and someone makes the mistake of remarking to me. I turn around and literally hiss………”I missed my fucking flight home, I don’t even know if I will get my luggage and I have ten minutes to make my flight to JFK”, I suppose by the fire coming from my ears the lady sympathized with me and I made it through Customs with plenty of time to get my luggage.
So I get to the baggage claim and Bonaparte is wondering where I was. He saw fire coming from my ears and didn’t say a word. I started to cry “I don’t care about anything except that damn carry on with all my stuff. My Repettooooooooss” ….
If Joshua Straub needs a model for an adult temper tantrum, I’m his woman!
And then…an illumination in front of me. Not only did the luggage appear, but MY CARRY ON WAS THE FIRST PIECE OF LUGGAGE TO exit out of the conveyer belt! Suddenly…the trip home was improving!
It was as though the doors of an illuminated cathedral opened and my luggage appeared!
A while later, with luggage in tow, we headed off to security. Again.
I beeped. Again. Time to have the TSA lady check me from head to toe. I was cleared to proceed.
Then it happened. Bonaparte’s Crème de Cassis. Two beautiful bottles. Sealed at CDG. Made it through Dublin. Boston TSA confiscates it. I mentioned to Mr. TSA-sshole that this same Crème de Cassis made it through security in Dublin.
Two bottles of Creme de Cassis. Sealed in Paris. Made it through Dublin but the TSA guy in Boston confiscated it! Miserable prick!
Mr. TSA had the balls to say to me. “This Ain’t Dublin Lady..and it ain’t France’.
So I go up to him and say. “Open the bag. I’ll drink that shit before you get your grubby hands on it”.
Bonaparte grabs my hand so hard I swear my arm got out of its socket–and I didn’t stop. I continued.
“Yeah..you grab Cassis but you’ll let some moron with a gun and homemade bomb makings pass through your shitty –ass station!”. Bonaparte put his hand across my mouth and told the TSA man I had Tourettes. Then he told me if I didn’t keep quiet I would be arrested and they would take my carry-on away from me and I would lose my Repettos and every item that I was protecting! THAT kept me quiet!
After this debacle, I have to say that Jet Blue is my new favorite domestic airline! We had a great and comfy ride back from Boston to JFK. And it was a truly beautiful flight. We never got too high up in the sky because the flight was only 40 minutes. So we flew low. AND the entire flight was a fireworks show down the eastern coastline! We were having a private July 4th celebration in the sky! And the descent into JFK was amazing. The fireworks got closer and closer and it was a great end to a stressful way home from Paris!
We flew over fireworks–it was the most amazing visual from the sky!
Was it worth saving the $1,600.00? At the time, I would say “NO”, but looking back, as long as I get to keep my carry on and in the future having Bonaparte placing the Cassis in a piece of luggage. Yeah. I guess it WAS worth the savings. Besides—despite missing our connection, I love the service on Aer Lingus!
Besides—I got to listen to my new Jacques Dutronc CD on the ride home from JFK!
Well, it was an adventure…and life is an adventure. So until my next travel! Hope you enjoy reading!
By the way, Bonaparte made our reservations to Nice for this coming June. We are flying into CDG and catching a connecting flight to Nice. Bonaparte has assured me that the connecting flight will NOT be leaving CDG for a couple of hours and we will have plenty of time. He said our luggage won’t be an issue because we will have to get it at the baggage claim before heading off to Nice.
I am going to squeeze three weeks’ worth of clothing into a carry on!
Here’s some Jacques Dutronc for a Sunday morning! “Hippie Hippie Hourrah”!
It’s hard to believe that one year ago “Atypical60” was born! So, is it really a Blogiversary? Or is it more of a Blirthday? You know what? It doesn’t matter.
I offer all readers a piece of this cake. I’m off carbs and sugar for now so I’ll selflessly not partake. I’m a giver!
All I know is this–my blog evolved. At first, I was going to concentrate solely on a blog geared to women over 50. But I ended up having so much to complain and vent and rant and rage and advise and boast and reflect and –well just say about nothing, anything, and everything (as well as being unemployed) that this blog is now more of a mixed bag.
However, I still continue to write about ageism, and being an old lady and all that other stuff with a sense of humor.
For many years, I thought about blogging, but finally came to fruition with it when I lost my job and needed an outlet to keep me busy.
Over the last year, I’ve made an incredible amount of friends who read my blog. Hipchick, the first follower, is still following–and I’m so grateful and happy! I’ve met fellow bloggers who share my same thoughts. I’ve met friends on other continents–and it gives me quite a thrill that this little blog has reached across oceans and seas to give others a laugh.
I try to keep the humor no matter what–because humor is what we all need.
My blog isn’t very deep. It really isn’t intellectual. It is full of errors that I’m too lazy to correct–but that’s part of my personality. My “fashion” photos basically suck because I take them myself of me and they are a bit fuzzy, but that’s the realness of it. I’m no “professional” fashion blogger. My travels are written from the POV of a non-jetsetter. I save and research before going away. (Ok. I lied. Bonaparte does the saving and research. I just research the sales- I know. I know. I am full of shit. Don’t judge!) I write about food-and my fails and successes.
I’m just a 60 year old lady trying to spread the joy and humor of my life with a Frenchman–kind of like a Franco-American version of “I Love Lucy”–only it’s “I Love Bonaparte”!
Much to the embarrassment of my kids, I also like writing about them too!
Me with Oona, Jake and Roman. Taken at the Wythe Hotel in Brooklyn. The weekend that started my blog!
Anyway, I just want to give a big “Thank You” to all my friends who read my blog–regularly and sometimey. Thank you-you push me to continue….
..and for your entertainment, here’s the blog post that basically started it all. (It’s my second-ever post, the first post was just an introduction). OH..and some of the pictures are not showing up anymore because I mistakenly deleted the photos–hey, the blog was brand new. Ya live. Ya blog. Ya learn!
I’m becoming increasingly pissed off at the way women over 50, or in my case, women 60 and over, i.e. OLD LADIES are treated.
The fashion industry sucks when it comes to older women. I’m not talking haute couture—let’s face it, the great majority of us cannot afford the complex, largely hand constructed clothing items that is only within arm’s reach of wealthy society chicks and trashy celebrities.
While I AM thrilled that Karl Lagerfeld has used Tilda Swinton in ads, she is just a minute amount of older women in fashion ads–and Tilda is a great example of beauty over 50!
Mass-market fashion is geared toward youth. How often do you see older women modeling today’s clothing? The fashion industry seems to think any woman over 40 is ready for embellished sweatshirts and elastic-waist, ill-fitting pants. Where’s the respect?
Old lady friends-have you tried to find a really cute-on trend skirt or dress recently? Yeah. I thought so. You need a complete wax job on your origin of the world in order to even sit down in one of those shorter-than-hooker bottoms!
Most of us would need a complete wax job just to be able to sit in a skirt this short. The mass-market fashion industry has to get the “woman-as-hooker” visual from their pea-sized brains! Start producing more refined clothing–and not just geared for young women!
Cosmetics companies are another bone of contention. I’m a makeup junkie. I’m also entering into my 61st birth year. I spend far more (of Bonaparte’s) money on cosmetics and beauty products than younger women do because I need them to enhance the features that were once– well, kind of pretty. No matter how many creams and lotions I apply to my dry-as-the-Sahara face, nothing short of a face lift and fillers are going to bring back the youthful dewy complexion that once was mine. So don’t even give me your false advertising. I’m too sage and wise to fall for it. Stop using 20 year old models to advertise anti-aging. And STOP with the “anti-aging” label for crissakes! Your creams will help smooth lines for a bit and hydrate, but they ain’t gonna stop the aging process!
THIS IS NOT AGEING SKIN!! This ad for skin cream? It does NOT give the effects of injections or surgery nor will it replace lasers. Do these people think we are idiots? What does this model’s skin REALLY look like without the photo retouch or the makeup???
THIS is an ageing face. Blotchy. Some wrinkles. Jowels. No fillers. No makeup. THIS is an ageing face that uses creams and lotions. And the majority of women who use those creams and lotions look more like me when they wake up..not the photoshoped model with makeup!
Society in general just treats us like old cows to be sent to pasture. Corporations do NOT want to hire us because of our age—and anyone who doesn’t believe that is a moron! It is true. We are overlooked and ignored in the workforce.
Society just wants to put older women out to pasture–just like these cows! Hmmm..they could use a bit of mascara!
We old ladies don’t like the way we’ve been treated.
But—here’s some shit that old ladies do—so read along and if you are younger, give your mom a kiss and a hug and appreciate the genes she passed down to you. If you are an older male blogger, tell your woman how beautiful she is and treat her like the princess she should be treated as. If you are in the cosmetics or fashion industry, take a good look at your older buyers and start to cater to them. If you are in corporate HR or a hiring manager—I cannot even print what I think about you.
Anyway, here’s some good shit that old ladies do:
Old Ladies buy bras and underwear from Victoria’s Secret. Sure we may not look like the VS Angels, but the underwire bras, along with the chicken cutlets we insert give our saggy girls some well-needed lift at a far less expensive price point than a tit job. Old ladies also wear thongs. Panty line has no age limit. And yet, some of us old ladies love to go commando at times!
See the pretty VS logo in the middle of this bra? It’s a lovely over-the-shoulder-boulder holder, isn’t it? Tons of padding to help the girls stand up–and for extra oomph we get to insert the little chicken cutlets. Far less expensive than a boob job!
Old ladies do the bouncy-bouncy. Some old ladies do it with old men. Other old ladies do it with younger men. There are the old ladies who do it with other old ladies and some who even do it with younger women. And some older women do the bouncy-bouncy by themselves—sometimes when you gotta do it right, you gotta do it yourself
Photo from Huffington Post
Yes. Older ladies do “it”. And have fun too!
Old ladies wear skinny jeans. From Old Navy Rock Star jeans to the higher end Paige jeans. That’s right. We be rockin’ the well-rounded old lady booty in those tight denims. I’m shakin’ my groove thang. How about you?
I am an old lady. I rock the skinny jeans. Here I am rocking my Gap skinny jeans with pewter Ivanka Trump pointy-toed pumps, a brown GAP belt and a crisp white button down shirt from Ann Taylor. I think the look is nice and classic. It is a look that can be worn on women of ALL ages!
My old lady booty can shake and groove just as much, if not better than, my younger peers!
Old ladies love their bar drinks just as much as young ladies do. Young ladies refer to it as “drinking”. Older, more mature women refer to the beverages as “cocktails”. It’s more refined. You can learn a thing or two about refinement from an older woman!
Put down the Bud Light and Heinie’s young ones! Start to drink like a REAL woman!
Old ladies do style so well!
In this great photo from The Satorialist this old lady is rockin’ some serious street fashion! I wanna hang with her!
Inès de La Fressange is the epitome of great French style..actually universal style. Simple chic….
This old lady can multi-task the Hermes scarf! One day a headband and the next day a most excellent and stylish cover for hiding turkey neck–and more budget friendly than a neck lift!
Old ladies do love music—all genres—especially classic rock. Give us a few cocktails and we’ll be hittin’ that air guitar better than any 20 year old boy!
How many old ladies are STILL crushin’ on Jimi? Huh? Our rock music rules!!!
Old ladies do have fun with cosmetics!
That’s right. Just a small sampling of the many cosmetics in the makeup room of Atypical60!
More Naked by Urban Decay–this is the smoky palette
See how lovely my old lady eyes turned out this morning?
Marc Jacobs contour and highlighting powder duo. This is greatness. My color is 40!
Contouring is great because it slims down my face–and after all the weight I gained, I’m so happy that something on me looks thinner!
Old ladies do love to style their hair-whether it’s their real hair or fake hair! It’s all fun!
All made up and styling my REAL hair today! All I do is finger comb and then tease it a bit on top.
..and some days, I just want to wear fake hair!
Old Ladies can curse better than a member of an inner city gang. Just ask anyone who knows me!
Some old ladies do smoke. I’m jealous. Seriously. If I were not such a hypochondriac and afraid of getting sick, and if cigarettes didn’t cause wrinkles, and if cigarettes were not so expensive, I would be smoking like a steam pipe! Smoking would curb my ravenous appetite. If I have an 80th birthday, I want a pack of Marlboro Lights and a bottle of Jack Daniels to celebrate!
Joni Mitchell smokes..and has since she was about 13! She is one incredible older woman!
Old ladies do get manicures and pedicures. They like to take care of their hands and feet!
These feet look a lot younger than their age. That’s because I don’t wear socks in the winter. Bare is the way to go..all year!
Old ladies do run for President–and hopefully one WILL be President!
Former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton takes part in a Center for American Progress roundtable discussion on “Expanding Opportunities in America’s Urban Areas” in Washington.
If Bernie doesn’t get the nomination, my vote will definitely go with Hillary!
Old ladies (and old men) do eat dinner later, much later than 4:00 in the afternoon. Please get that straight. We appreciate fine dining and fine wine. The majority of us do NOT go to Country Buffet for the early bird special!
No early bird special for THIS old lady and Bonaparte! We start a late dinner off with a fine wine!
Old ladies do like to watch cool TV shows.
…and the fact it isn’t on Network TV makes it even more cool!
Old ladies do love to wear those heels and wear them well. We do love our ballet flats too—but make sure they are good ones—like Repettos!
Fun shoes like this aren’t just for young feet…..
..and the Repetto Ballet flats are great for travel and walking around city streets all day!
Old ladies do love a good retro look. Miniskirts, boots and the long coat. Honey’s we started that look way back in the late 1960’s through the early 1970’s. It is not a new look.
One of my favorite looks since I was a junior in high school. Over-the-knee boots, black tights, gray mini (from Banana Republic) Black turtleneck (Old Navy), Brown Belt (Gap), Brown long coat (which I stole from Bonaparte–he got it in France many years ago. It’s mine now)
God may have created women, but Bardot created that iconic big, teased, messy, I-just-rolled-out-of-bed hair and look. I’m channeling it in a black-and-white, new wave French film kinda way!
Basically, old ladies do the same shit that everyone else does–so don’t exclude us!
In honor of the sexy older woman, here’s the wonderful Dalida with ” Il Venait D’avoir 18 Ans. A song about a woman in love with an 18 year old boy! Oh lala!
The past weekend was a lazy one. Rain put a damper on any long walks my delusions would have me take with Chippy. I had to do color my roots.
Chippy can run around the house on those rainy days because I’m not leaving the house!
I’m like a celebrity. I spent my Sunday preparing for beauty with a root dye job and a roller set!
We watched the narcissism of Hollywood rise to the top of the milk bottle—and trust me, it wasn’t all cream of the crop–at The Golden Globes on Sunday evening. I’m tired of J.Lo’s Zoolander facial expressions—and that Angelina Jolie pose, not to mention the horrific color gown she wore.
Am I the only one who’s so freakin’ tired of J. Lo and her same Zoolander facial expression. Am I the only one to realize that the beautiful Angelina Jolie CREATED that leg-sticking-out-of-the-slit pose? It’s been done J. Lo! I need ketchup to go with that mustard dress!
Amy Schumer, bless her heart, worse than that ill-fitting dress is now “besties” with the most annoying, cloying, ever-so-full-of-herself, one dimensional, Jennifer Lawrence. Blech! I just KNEW the popularity of “Trainwreck” would destroy Amy as I knew her!
Thanks Amy, ya phoney. Now you’re hanging out with HER???? She’s an obnoxious and arrogant, full-of-herself twit!
The saving graces were Ricky Gervais as host.
Ricky Gervais as the returning host for the Golden Globe Awards IS proof that God exists. Thank you, Hipster Jesus, for answering my prayers and having such a scathing sense of humor. Amen.
Leonardo DiCaprio’s win and Emily Rossum’s outfit. With an honorable mention to the beautiful Katy Perry’s wig!
Leo–he’s like fine wine because he just gets better with age. Other celebrities should take a cue from him. He refers to his co-workers as “OUR”–not “MY”. A great sign of character. Hope he brings Oscar home!
Emily Rossum was THE picture of simple elegance. Her look is just so refined and classic. One of the best looks of the evening!
I am pasting this to my fridge. THIS is the look I want to wear! That wig is outstanding. I would need to inflate my saggy tits, but still, with a ton of underwire, and a 30 pound weight loss, I can dupe that look!
Then we woke up to the devastating news about David Bowie.
The last photo of David Bowie taken by his wife, Iman. She took this photo two days before his transition to another universe. This photograph is absolutely beautiful and it is the way I want to remember the ever-stylish Mr. Bowie.
I wanted to get away. And what better place to sneak off to but a book store? Book stores are that place. A place that isn’t as quiet and somber as a library. Yet, a place that is bustling with people who enjoy not only to read, but to be surrounded by books with a more lively atmosphere.
The Boulder Bookstore located on the West end of the Pearl Street Mall Nov. 11, 2008. (CU Independent file/ Sam Hall)
I hope this bookstore is still in business. This is my kind of hangout!
Have you taken a walk around your local mall recently? Have you noticed the lack of book stores? How come? Malls will be home to shops filled with nothing but flip-flops. Some shops will have nothing to offer except bracelets in which to add charms. Others will sell bean bag furniture and yet others will offer nothing but cheap posters and tee-shirts. The only reading materials are the calendars in the kiosks and the brochures offered by both mall information and local real estate companies.
Oh yes. I know. I know. E-books are available. You can read an entire novel on your tablet. Or—you can listen to an audio book while driving. Something is missing there folks!
The “books” that are uploaded to my tablet. I haven’t read a one of them because I find reading on a tablet annoying! Gimme a damn book!
What about the act of turning pages? What about reading the author’ bio in the jacket? What about the cover illustration? What about the smell of the paper in a book? Why listen to an audio book when you can imagine your own voices? What about bookshelves stocked with your favorite and not-so-favorite reads?
My least favorite genre of books–but to see the many books is more welcoming than unwelcoming!
Bookstores are never boring. Barnes & Noble may be the book store of choice these days—and largely because smaller stores have gone out of business thanks to the electronic age. Don’t get me wrong. B & N is a happy place for me.
It’s the only membership I truly care about! Besides–the discount is fantastic!
I know once I enter, that I will be entertained for hours. I can take a look-see over at the large selection of bargain books and perhaps pick up a fun cookbook or maybe get around to reading “that former best seller that I wanted to read but didn’t want to spend the money on”, of which price has been lowered to $5.98!
You never know what new kind of cookbook you can find–and they are fun to read!
I can saunter through various sections; you never know what treasures one can find.
The children’s book section IS a treasure chest of memories for me. All three of these books have been read to and by my kids. True classics!
If my attention span is a bit on the shaky side, I can flip through magazines or coffee-table books.
Do I need a bookmark or a journal or a pen? Perhaps a greeting card. All can be found within the confines of this large department store of all things literary!
I never tire of this glorious sight as I make my descent down the escalator and B & N!
If I need respite from my frustration of unemployment, I find a table and chair over at the Starbucks area. In that little alcove, I can enjoy a Nonfat Chai Latte and join others who are seeking the same comfort that I am.
Or, if you prefer some little tucked-away corner, you can find a seat and read without interruption for hours!
I remember various visits to New Orleans in past years—way before Katrina. It was a blast rummaging through old books at Crescent City Books on Chartres Street. The musty scent of old books was like a fine perfume and perusing through old and out-of-print books was a lesson in history.
Crescent City Books–while others are enjoyinga drink of Brandy Milk Punch or a Hurricane drink, I could be found in here enjoying the musty scent of old, worn out books more than a the scent of a dark roux!
Whenever we are in Paris, we love—absolutely love to spend time lazing around in book stores. I’m telling you, the French adore their books and reading—and the proof is in the tremendous amount of book shops scattered throughout the city’s arrondissements.
Shakespeare and Company may be the most infamous bookstore in Paris but we prefer the unknown, out-of-the-way book shops and, while walking, …..
….les bouquinistes of Paris. Makes walking incredibly enjoyable!
When we moved to Pennington, there was a book store in a little strip mall up the street from where we lived. It was there that I got to spend “an evening with James Lee Burke”. One of my favorite detective writers, close up and personal. The store closed a few years later—I’m pretty sure it was because the video store that opened took much of the business away. Video games were more popular than the act of reading a novel.
Author James Lee Burke gave me so many hours of entertainment with…
Dave Robicheaux..the greatest ex-cop, now detective from NOLA!
It was such a pleasurable experience to meet the man behind the great stories!
Do you remember the now defunct “Borders”? I cannot even begin to add up the hours I spent there while Oona was at dance classes. For two hours two and sometimes three times a week, I would be in my glories perusing, reading and enjoying coffee. It was much better than sitting in the sweaty waiting room of the dance studio and gave me quality “me” time!
It was sad to see Borders close. It really was a very decent bookstore!
Books bring memories. Over this past Christmas, Oona and I were shopping. She randomly mentioned that one of her favorite childhood memories was whenever I took the kids to Barnes & Noble. The conversation went something like this:
Oona: “Remember when we were kids and on rainy days during the summer you would take us to Barnes and Noble in Princeton?”
Me: “Hell, yeah.” “Market Fair in Princeton. That was a great Barnesan”.
NOTE: The kids and I, especially me and Roman, would often speak in our own language of “Abreev”—we abbreviated lots of words and phrases. Barnes and Noble was oftentimes referred to as “Barnsan”—just as J. Crew was often, and still, is known as “Jacrew”.
Oona: “I loved that whenever we went there you would never say “no” if we wanted a book. You always bought us tons of books”. “It’s one of my best memories because books were so much better than toys.”
Me: “Thanks Oonz (more abreev)—that makes me happy!”
I can thank “Barnesan” and the many books I purchased for the kids to help me in my journey of child-rearing!
I can also thank the book stores I’ve visited for allowing me to enter the world of travel, self-improvement, the lives of others and many other subjects and genres.
Yup! Sometimes reading is better, and much less expensive, therapy!
Without the bookstores that housed so many books, I would have never been able to secure my full love and admiration for reading.
One of the bookshelves at home. There is never a shortage of reading material in Chateau Bonaparte!
Without the books to read, I would have never been able to perfect my wild imagination. Without my wild imagination, I would have never been able to write. Without the ability to write, I would have never started blogging.
Thank you Barnesan, Barnes & Noble, Borders, Strand Books, and all the other book shops, large and small, opened and closed that I’ve spent time in throughout my life. You are more influential than you could have ever imagined.
Still thinking about David Bowie, I wanted to revisit Major Tom. XOXOXOXO! The ORIGINAL version for you:
Thursday, January 07, 2016. Friday, January 8, 2016. (I procrastinated)
I finally wrote and posted Disorganized Crime. Part One yesterday morning! Now for Disorganized Crime–Part Two:
We left off with my timeline at 4:30 PM on Tuesday, January 5. My intentions were to go to Wegmans to exchange the Phyllo sheets for Puff Pastry. I swear to god, I had every intention of getting into that car to make the exchange.
But I had to feed Chippy. He likes his meal at precisely 4:30 PM. Every day. What choice did I have? I was so hungry because Chippy’s kibble looked rather appetizing so I made another cup of tea. I didn’t write.
It’s hard to resist this face. But I can use Chippy as an excuse for failing to write!
Some time after dinner, I heard Bonaparte laughing. He was watching “Curb Your Enthusiasm”. I hopped into bed and watched with him then fell asleep.
Just one of the many hysterical scenes from “Curb”!
Yesterday, Wednesday, January 6th, I woke up chipper and ready to start writing a draft of my post.
Then I realized I had some errands to run. I had to run to Barnes & Noble to renew our membership before it expired! Besides, Barnes & Noble has a Starbucks stand. I could get a non-fat chai latte and use my membership for a discount. Bonaparte would love the fact I’m saving him some money.
With my white roots making me look like Pepe Lepew’s mother older sister, a stop at Sally Beauty to buy hair color was in order.
Yeah–that white stripe down the middle of the hair that I have left on my head could have me passing for a member of the skunk family!
Got dressed, took my sweet time with my makeup and plopped some fake hair atop my real tresses. I’m becoming extremely lazy at wearing fake hair. Forget the wig cap, I just wear it like a hat—besides, with the cold weather, my head is kept nice and toasty!
See? I plopped my “helper” hair atop my own. However, I did manage to pull out a few strands to blend. See the white? Damn. I just noticed how shitty my skin looks! Perhaps I should start a “GoFundMe” account for a face lift!
Lastly, I had to stop at Wegmans. I gave up on the idea of exchanging the phyllo—I could save it to use later on. I would just buy the puff pastry. With my new “diet” change of eating habits, I also needed ground turkey and lettuce. We used up the last of the Jasmine rice and I needed to buy more.
After my errands were run, then I could start writing!
Oh wait. The Gallette des Rois needs to be baked before I can write. I can’t write while something is in the oven. It ruins my Mental Feng Shui. (Basically, I’m a bullshit artist but mental fun shui is a great excuse…) then I would write!
I got in the car and turned on the radio. Carly Simon’s “Anticipation” was playing. I started singing but changed the words:
“Dis-org’nization. Dis-org’niz-a-a-shun.
Is making me late. Is stifling my wri-i-i-i-i-iting”
I also decided to stop back at the Staples that located near the Barnes & Noble in Paoli—perhaps I would find 7-hole paper there. Not a chance. In desperation, I ended up purchasing an entire year’s worth of refills for the daily planner. I channeled my inner Tom Gunn and would just have to “make it work”.
This is what I ended up with. Perhaps the daily notes would help me be more organized than plain paper. I’ll make it work!
Went to Sally, picked up my hair dye. And conditioner. And a couple of hair nets for my fake hair. And proceeded to have a twenty-minute conversation about life and the upcoming season of “Mob Wives” with the store’s manager. I love her. Our conversation about the mob wives was so deep.
It’s so much fun to bond with others who love Mob Wives as much as I do. This season will be epic because Carla AND Love will be back–and they’ve gotten rid of the Philadelphia trash! Aren’t these women the quintessence of pulchritude?
It felt so great to renew the Barnes & Noble membership. I have to tell you—in my lifetime, I’ve allowed gym memberships to expire, library cards to expire, driver’s licenses to expire, way too much food to expire, and a passport to expire. But I’ve never allowed my Barnes & Noble membership to expire. I’ve had this membership since my kids were young. Barnes & Noble is one of my happy places. Bonaparte gladly paid for this. He really is a giver.
I’m queen of the literary world when I’m at Barnes & Noble. I could and HAVE spent hours here! It’s such a happy place!
Another task checked off and I’m feeling a sense of accomplishment. Onward and upward to Wegmans.
Wegmans is continuing to climb higher and higher in position on my shit list. They were out of stock on the Jasmine Rice. There was no ground turkey anywhere to be found. Tell me. What major grocery chain does NOT have any lettuce?If you guessed Wegmans, you are correct! Ground beef was a substitution for the turkey and gluten-free spring roll wrappers would have to be a substitute for lettuce. Wegmans used to be greatness—don’t get me started!
Home again, home again, jiggity jig! And before I start the gallette, I try my hand at making spring rolls. Visually, it was a complete fail. But tastefully, they were great!
Proof that decent cooks can fail at presentation. Looks awful but tasted really really good!
Next was making the Gallette des Rois. I should have doubled up on the filling but I would have been tempted to eat it.
Ready for the oven
Finished Gallette
This year I used the Epicurious recipe. I would NOT use it again because the recipe was too skimpy on the filling. I am also not adding the link to the recipe because it froze my computer.
After a quick check at my emails I saw that Sloan Toyota sent me a “reminder” that my car was due for a checkup on January 7th at 8AM. Was I that dumb to make an appointment so early in the morning? I called the dealer and rescheduled the appointment for later in the day. My stinking car has better “medical” coverage than I do! If I gain any more weight, I’ll be the size of an SUV. Hmmm. Maybe I can go to the car dealer for a checkup on my body!!
Look at that. “Service Reception” for cars. I swear my car is better serviced than I am!
Ohhhh. I could organize my daily planner at the car dealer while I’m waiting for the car to be serviced! I’m a wiz at multi-tasking!
It was almost time to start dinner and I promised myself that I would start to write after dinner.
I did it. I finally started a draft for my disorganized crime. Photos were uploaded and it was getting late. So I went to bed and getting under all those covers was just so comfy.
I may be disorganized but at the end of the day, being sandwiched in between Bonaparte and Chippy reminds me that life is good, great!
Winding things up: It is now 8:03 AM. I am happy to say that my two binders are now organized and I’m feeling so much better and am actually listening to the sound of ideas rattling in my head. It’s writing time again!
The weather outside is delightfully shitty—which makes me happy to sit at the computer and bang on the keyboard all day. I’m eagerly and gleefully anxious to read others’ blog posts. Yes. It’s gonna be a good day.
But before I go on. I’ll give you a tiny synopsis of how my disorganization went yesterday:
I changed my car’s appointment for 11 AM. Before I got dressed, I published my post and felt tremendously accomplished.
I was able to organize my binders at the auto dealer. (Then got bored and played “Candy Crush” on my phone) Sloan Toyota has a remarkable waiting area equipped with never-ending cups of coffee, a large screen TV, and little desks so that you can work on your laptop or whatever else you are working on.
Sloan Toyota has the cutest cubicles for personal space. Maybe I should visit on a regular basis!
On the way home, I stopped at “Giant” supermarket in search of the ground turkey and rice that Wegmans failed to stock.
..and might I add, the rice and ground turkey were less expensive at Giant than at Wegmans. I need to revisit Giant more often!
Then, I couldn’t help myself. I ran into “Family Dollar” store and picked up a few items.
Valentines Day items
Who doesn’t remember THIS bowl for cereal??
The Ninja Turtles always remind me of when Jake and Roman were young!
These items are why I love rummaging through dollar stores. Why spend money on holiday decorations anywhere else? I tell you, I was so tempted to purchase this bowl. It would be great for sipping that last bit of soup you just cannot get with a spoon. Bonaparte would have had a stroke if he saw me using this though–so I put it back. And the Turtles. My boys loved them so much!!
I ended up buying (From leftish to rightish). A stylus for my phone, a blue pouch for my pens and sticky notes to further organize my writing, a can of mandarin oranges as they are great in salads to sweeten the tartness of onions, +325 reader glasses–a BUCK–I no longer have a vision insurance plan so at some point I’ll need these dollar eye glasses. I put them away for future use, the case to place my dollar eye glasses in, MORE sticky notes, a large print crossword puzzle book and new oven mitts. $9.00 of Bonaparte’s hard-earned money well-spent!
When I arrived home, I completed the process of organizing both binders! What should have taken a day at most, took three days due to my lollygagging and procrastinating and lack of organization. But, for now—my “Disorganized Crime” has been arrested imprisoned!
Two binders. Completely organized. I keep a photo booth pic of me and Oona for happiness. I also labeled the tabs!
Carly Simon’s “Anticipation” has been on my mind all day. Here it is—what a great song! XOXOXOXOXO!!
Truthfully, I have so much to say about nothing. But before I can do that, I need to get organized. It’s a weird thing. When I was employed, my organization skills were stellar. I’m pretty sure that’s because I was paid to be efficient and organized.
On the other hand, my personal organization skills suck. My day planners and agendas have all fell to an early death—usually within days of starting to organize my life. And my emotional state of mind definitely has an effect on my lack of organization.
I get into these “moods” where I absolutely have to complete one task to move on to the other.
It is happening now with my writing.
I am stymied because my personal disorganization is a crime. Oh. I’m very organized when it comes to preparing a meal or packing for a trip or organizing an event or family gathering. But when organizing for meit falls apart.
It’s late Wednesday afternoon. I’m just getting around to writing a blog post that came to mind yesterday but in order to write, there were some tasks that needed to be done. You know what? I’m just gonna give you a timeline of my disorganized attempt to be organized. It started like this…
7 AM. Wake up and enjoy my morning cup of coffee that Bonaparte brewed. I slowly drink while thinking about being organized and thinking about blog posts. I also think about how I’m procrastinating by lazing in bed.
9AM. Put makeup on. Get dressed. Get undressed and redressed. Ugh. My roots are so in need of color that I just throw some fake hair on top of my real hair—like a hat!
I even managed to brush on a nice shade of lipstick applied very carefully and add a smile!
10AM. Get in car and drive to Staples to get organized. I will revisit my old Franklin Covey Day Planner.
10:15. Exit car. Remote isn’t locking my car. Look down at keys. Oh shit! I took Bonaparte’s keys instead of mine. (He keeps my spare on his key chain). Get back into car and rush home before Bonaparte leaves to see client. He won’t be happy if his keys are gone.
10:30. Home. Bonaparte laughs and tells me he has a spare car key. I didn’t need to rush home. However, since I’m here, I run upstairs to adjust my fake hair. I ask Chippy if he wants to come with me. He runs downstairs to the door.
Yes. I had to adjust my fake hair. I blend the fake with the real for a more “faux natural” look!
10:45. Back at Staples. Sales Assistant approaches me and asks me if I need help. I’m guessing since he saw me talking to myself rather loudly, store management asked him to keep an eye on me. I explain to him that I need lined note paper for the refillable 7-hole binder. All I can find is three-holed refills. He tells me I cannot use 3-hole paper in a 7-holed binder because the holes don’t line up correctly. I ask him if he thinks I am one asshole. He doesn’t think I am very “punny”. I also tell him I am OCD and will make the 3-holed paper fit into the 7-holed agenda. Visibly shaken, he runs away from me. I check to see if my fake hair is on straight.
I’m sure you are smart and intelligent enough to figure out that the three-holed paper would NEVER fit into the 7-holed binder. I’m not smart nor am I logical enough to figure this out!
Now I can go home and write!!!!! Oh wait. I need to stop at Wegmans.
11:30. Wegmans. I get pissed off and threaten to write a letter to corporate offices because once again, they are rearranging the freaking store and I cannot find what I need. After wasting time in search of healthy food and puff pastry for the Galette des Rois for Epiphany, I finally make it to the cashier. The cashier asks me with a smug grin “Did you find everything you were looking for?”.I’m thinking “No you smug bitch. I didn’t find everything I was looking for because the powers that be within Wegmans insist on rearranging the fucking store every three months”.Instead, I just blabber “Eh. Yeah, but it would have taken me less time if they didn’t constantly move everything around so often……” I go to the Customer Service desk and purchase six lottery tickets. Powerball. Someone who gets their ticket at an obscure gas station in the Ozarks will win. I will just be out twelve bucks.
12:45. Home. Undress and get into comfy Old Navy PJ bottoms and tee shirt. Take off fake hair and put what is left of real hair into a messy bun. Go downstairs and put groceries away.
It should have only taken a moment to put these groceries away. Instead, I took out People, read about the people who lost half their weight and did some self-loathing because I can’t even manage to lose 25 pounds!
I notice that I purchased Phyllo dough sheets instead of Puff Pastry. I’ll have to make another trip to Wegmans. Prepare to write by making a nice cup of tea. I glance in the living room and wonder if the “good” slipcovers that I washed on Sunday are air dried.
This phyllo dough was placed behind the sign that read “puff pastry”. Now I have to actually LOOK at what I’m grabbing for?????
1 PM. The slipcovers are dried. I’ll write after I take the temporary slipcovers off the sofa and then put the “good” slipcovers back on the sofa. Oh..and I might as well wash the slipcovers I just took off—then I’ll write.
Nice. The “Good” slipcovers were dried. Now I can place them back on the sofa!
1:10 PM. I start to iron the good slipcovers and stop. It’s just too much. Besides, I ironed the most important part—the skirt. Put iron and ironing board away and notice a little CD case on the bookshelf. OMG! It’s my backup of John Mayer’s “Born and Raised”! I’m so happy because I thought it was lost. (Don’t judge. I have backups for all my John Mayer, Kinks, and Jimi Hendrix CD’s. You never know when your car will be broken into.)
I was so happy to find this so conveniently located, that I ended up playing it. I must have “repeated” Walt Grace twenty times!
I run upstairs to put the good slipcovers on the sofa. What a struggle. I break out in a sweat—this is such great exercise for me. I stop to admire how nice and new the sofa looks. I need to wash the slipcovers on a more regular basis. I sit down to play a round of “Candy Crush”.
Looks so much better with cleaned slipcovers. I really need to paint those walls. Maybe Bonaparte will be summoned to France for family business soon. Then I can “sneak” a DIY paint job. I want a light gray color!
1:45 PM. I gather the temporary slipcovers and take them downstairs to launder. It’ll take three hours to do two loads. I’ll write after the slipcovers are washed. In the meantime, I’ll organize my 7-Hole Daily Planner. I should have listened to the sales assistant at Staples. There is no way the 3-holed paper is going to fit into the 7-ringed planner. Fuck my life. Somewhere in the bowels of one of the bins in the hall closet is a 3-holed binder that I use as a reference point for information about my trips to France. My bright idea is that I’ll take the France information out of the 3-ringed binder and use that as my new planner and journal and use the 7 ringed planner as my France binder.
THIS is the binder I searched for. Just my luck it was in the last bin!
I go into the closet and take the bins out. My back begins to hurt. The binder I am searching for is in the very last bin I take out of the closet. I put the bins back in the closet and go over to the coffee table to try to organize my binders. After the slipcovers are washed and after the binders are organized I’ll finally start to write.
THIS is how I organize. I even purchased one of those flash drives to store my writing in! I only hope I remember to use it!
Jesus H. Christ! I had no idea that “Where Angels Go Trouble Follows” was on while I was organizing AND listening to John Mayer. More procrastination!
3:55 PM. Almost done. I’ll tell you, I was becoming quite overwhelmed trying to organize these binders. I need to do this because it’ll help me to be more focused on my writing. I need to stop and write down blog post ideas during the day (as if I don’t have enough already). I’m also gathering up ideas for a book. Yes. I’ve been thinking about writing a novel for quite some time now it will come to fruition as I become organized. I go upstairs to make another cup of tea so I don’t start a binge of emotional snacking. I go back into the living room to admire the clean sofa one more time.
Yes. The two sofas are more connected now!
I glance down at the coffee table. Jennifer Lopez is on the cover of “In Style” magazine. WTF? This woman only has ONE expression. I start to think. What came first? Zoolander’s infamous “Blue Steel” post or JLo’s dopey come hither look? I throw the magazine in the trash because I am sick of JLo’s same expression.
This woman has only one expression. She’s a female Zoolander….
..or did Zoolander use Lopez as his posing muse????
4:30 PM. I am ready to write.
No I’m not. I have to go back to Wegmans and exchange the phyllo dough for the puff pastry.
To be continued…..XOXOXOXOXO!!!
In the meantime, have a listen to one of my favorite (and Oona’s) John Mayer songs. “Walt Grace’s Submarine Test–1967”. This song is great because it’s a story. I can actually visualize James Spader in the part of Walt Grace if ever there was a movie based on this song………. The video is great!
