Atypical 60

Turtlenecks for Turkey Necks-Join My New Cause!!

Posted on November 15, 2016 by Catherine

The idea actually came to me yesterday. Like Marianne leading the French into the Revolution, I shall lead my mature ladies into the new cause for fashion. Disguising the turkey neck! Read on for my epiphany!

Marianne may have led the French Revolution, but I would be arrested if I showed up for my annual Mammogram dressed like that. Should Eugene Delacroix had given her a turtleneck perhaps?

Yesterday I had my annual Mammogram. And in my efforts to make life easier, I had to figure out what to wear. YES. You need to dress appropriately when your breasts will be displayed on a glass plate in front of you and then turned on their sides. Due to the fact I had half a head of fake hair on my head, I couldn’t wear any kind of knit shirt that I would pull over me because it would most likely move my fake hair from either one side to the other or displace the front of my glorious fake locks to the back.

I also couldn’t wear a knit because you can’t use deodorant when getting a mammogram. The residue could cloud the x rays. That meant I couldn’t wear a sweater. Have you ever forgotten to use deodorant or used a very weak one while wearing wool or a wool blend? Trust me it takes forever to get rid of the stink!

This is the shirt I wore to get my mammo. The fake hair would have been all over the place had I worn a shirt that I would have to pull over my head!

Instead, I wore a plaid button down shirt from J. Crew Factory. The shirt is a cotton blend and breathes. Just to be safe, I stuck a roll-on deodorant in my purse. But the point is I wore a shirt that wouldn’t mess my fake hair. Actually the fake hair was real human yaki hair

Which by the way, the technician, as she was placing my breasts on the plate and as I was holding my other breast away from the machine, mentioned that she loved my thick hair. Quite honestly, the pose I was standing in made me feel like a Playboy Playmate—bare breasted, my head turned up, one hand on my hip and my knee bent!

When I told her it was mostly fake she came in for a closer look and was quite impressed. But here’s the good part. I told her that I pull my hair out and have done so for many years and that’s why a good part of my hair is gone and not coming back. Then the technician told me that she had a niece who suffers from the same condition. I gave her the website information for Uniwigs Toppers. My good deed for the day!

I’m veering off topic.

I had to run around all day with a shirt that displayed my….gasp—Turkey Neck!!! Now I don’t know about you but the absolute worse part about my aging looks is my neck. I should have listened to my mother and used Ponds cold cream on my neck every night the way she did. I swear when my mother was into her early seventies she had the neck of a thirty year old.

Truth be told. This turkey has a better looking neck than I do!

Because of this issue, I don’t look downwards in public anymore. I keep my head high. So high that people at work have asked me if there is something wrong with the office ceiling. I just tell them I’m trying to make my neck look better!

Sometimes life is just so hard! Medical coverage should take care of Botox injections in the neck!!

But there are other ways to disguise this physical challenge. During the summer I often wear a very lightweight scarf to cover the neck of Butterball. But with the onset of the cold weather that is now upon us, the greatest option is……..the Turtleneck!!

I’m beginning to wonder just WHY those high-necked shirts are named after turtles anyway. This turtle has turkey neck!

And you need that perfect turtle! I’m talking about the turtleneck sweater that stays put—ok?

Do you find that these high-necked sweaters and knit shirts lack in their efforts to stay up?

Like Bazooka Bubblegum’s friend of Bazooka Joe, I could wear my turtleneck as high as he does! Hmmmmmm..a new fashion icon perhaps?

Do you find that they just may have looked better on us when we were younger because we didn’t much care if the neck fell down a bit? Do you find that these days turtlenecks also emphasize the jowl action we have received from Mother Nature? Yeah. I have that too. But I have my beauty and fashion priorities. Jowls trump (oh how I now hate that word with a passion) turkey neck. In other words. I can stand the jowls but the turkey neck is a no-no for me.

Yeah. My jowls are starting to look a bit like Droopy Dog’s. However-I’ll deal with the jowls more than the wrinkly neck!

And because of this I’ve been on a seemingly never-ending search for the perfect turtleneck that would stay put and not stretch out on me. I did find one and you will see that at the end of the post.

They say that smoking causes wrinkles but I’ll bet ol’ Dino had a very muscular neck under that turtleneck!

But come with me on my Turtleneck tour—I’ll show you what to watch out for. OK?

An assortment of some of my turtlenecks. My navy turtleneck sweater is in the dry cleaners!

striped-j-crew-cotton-turtleneck-i-love-the-stripes-but-i-cant-stand-the-neck

I picked up this striped turtleneck at J. Crew. I’m a sucker for stripes but the neck is too wide. I’ll have to either keep my neck stretched like the photo on the left or….

Tie a lightweight scarf around the neck to make it more turkey neck friendly. Hey! I LIKE this polka dotted scarf with this shirt!

The neck is too wide to really stay up on its own!

gray-j-crew-cotton-turtleneck-all-fall-down

gray-j-crew-cotton-turtleneck-see-how-it-stretches-a-bit

This is one of the tissue turtlenecks from J. Crew. It’s a no-go. I wear this shirt with pajama bottoms during the winter!

Another wide turtleneck. The thickness of the knit helps to keep the sweater up, but I like to secure it with a heavier scarf in the colder winter weather!

heavy-turtleneck-sweater-unwrapped-i-see-turkey-neck

heavy-turtleneck-sweater-wrapped-with-a-heavy-scarf

heavy-turtleneck-sweater-ok-but-dont-wear-it-like-this-in-a-hot-room

See what I mean, the neck can fall down, thereby displaying the top tier of turkeyneck. A warm, cozy and fuzzy scarf helps to keep the neck up. Better yet, rolled up a bit more and it’ll stay that way. This is exhausting!

We are getting closer to that elusive perfect turtle! This is another knit turtleneck from J. Crew. It isn’t as light as the tissue turtle and the neck appears to be a bit wide but…

The neck pretty much stays put…

I’m happy with this…….

And THE perfect turtleneck for turkey neck is……

The J. Crew TIPPI Turtleneck!

Great day in the morning! I have a lot of love for the regular Tippi sweater but when I saw THIS, I had to try it and it IS turtleneck for turkey neck perfection!

It stays put. I threw my hair up so you could see how nice and tight the neck is…

Look! No Turkey neck!

So I got some jowl action but who cares! The neck wrinkles don’t show!!

Add to that, the length of the sweater is just right!!!!

So what say you? Are you with me in this movement to disguise the Turkey neck? Tell me about your favorite ways to disguise turkey neck. It’s a very appropriate question for this time of year!!

How could I NOT have a song by Dean Martin tonight? “Ain’t That A Kick In The Head?” He was so cool–and he wore turtlenecks so well!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged #Humor, Fashion, fashion solutions | 34 Comments

The Dining Room Table And a Quail of a Great Dinner!

Posted on November 13, 2016 by Catherine

When Bonaparte and I moved into our new home two years ago, we purchased a new dining room table. The one he had at his old place was old but not in a “good” old way. It was almost falling apart. As for me, getting rid of my old dining room table when I lost my home was a memory I don’t want to dwell upon. And when I moved into my small apartment, I didn’t even have a dining room table. I had one of those folding card tables.

Bonaparte may not be crazy about this table but I love it. We insert the two leafs into it when the kids are over and it becomes much larger. I love the mismatched chairs. I am a fan of this table. We have great moments here.

Before I lost my home, the dining room table was used mostly for school projects and to house my sewing machine. The majority of our meals was eaten at the large island in the kitchen or was eaten at the baseball fields or in the car on the way to sports practices, games or to dance classes. The meals we ate in the dining room were limited to holidays.

Growing up, my dad worked various shifts in his job as a New York City Police officer. During the shifts when he was not home for dinner, we ate at the kitchen table. When he was home during dinner hours we ate at the dining room table. And we ate as a family. My father was incredibly strict about this rule. He did not want us eating dinner at our friends’ homes when he was home. The TV had to be shut off and we were not allowed to bring any reading material to the table. He said it was rude and disrespectful. And so we engaged in conversation.

Our conversations usually ended up with one of the kids crying, or someone else yelling and screaming and one of my parents getting angry at one or more kids. Usually it was over spilled milk. And the decibel of noise reached very high peaks. But the thing is, we sat around the table, we ate as a family, and we were not allowed to leave that table until we either asked permission to leave or my dad said we could leave.

The dining room table that Bonaparte and I have is one that I love. Bonaparte—not so much. He doesn’t like the fact that the table isn’t rustic enough. While I agree, we couldn’t find exactly what we wanted at the time and the table we do have fits our needs.

I love the distressed edges because perfection is overrated. I love a lived-in look to everything!And when it is just us, we still continue to enjoy our “empty nester” meals at this table!

I love the contrast of the casualness against a more formal rug. Plus, if food spills, it blends in with the rug’s pattern!

It is large enough so that when the family is together, there is plenty of room for all to sit around the table while dining and engage in dining and conversation together. Sometimes the conversation becomes heated. Sometimes it is funny—but we always have something to talk about.

Not only does the table become larger with the inserts, but I love to dress this table up for guests and the holidays!

And when the family is together, Bonaparte will sit at one end of this long table and me on the opposite end of him. But when it is just the two of us, he will sit at that same place and I’ll sit to the side of him but closer. During the summer months, we usually eat outdoors at the table on our deck. During the cooler weather and during the winter we sit at our dining room table. And we eat every meal together. Our dinner time is the time to catch up on our days and discuss the events of the day—ours and the world’s.

The dining room table is also one of Chippy’s favorite spots too!

Oh no you don’t Chippy!

Our Saturday evening meals are always a bit more extravagant. Bonaparte likes his meals French style. Beginning with an aperitif and an amuse bouche in the living room. Then we head to the dining room table for a starter or entrée. And then, I’ll bring out the main plate! Before my weight loss journey I would always make dessert but now I’ve stopped unless Bonaparte requests one of his favorites—like Crème Caramel.

Whether outdoors or indoors or in France or at home, our weekend meals always start with an aperitif. Kir Royals anyone? Tchin-tchin!

And in my quest to think like Ina Garten and how she loves cooking for her husband, Jeffrey, I truly enjoy creating these lovely Saturday evening dinners. I love cooking for Bonaparte!

I like to take much of my inspiration from my Ina! I can’t wait to start some great meals from her new book. Maybe I can write a cookbook too “Cooking for Bonaparte!”

Last night I made Bonaparte’s absolute favorite meal. Pan Seared Quail, Sautéed Potato Cubes and a Cherry/Black Currant Cream Sauce. Oh. I also made Brussels Sprouts for me because presently, potatoes are not a part of my food list.

How did I come up with this recipe? Well, some years back I was watching Jamie Oliver on TV and he cooked quail. I became intrigued by these little game birds and so I searched for them.

Jamie Oliver is another one of my inspirations. If you’ve never watched any of his holiday specials—by all means try to catch one. He’s GREAT!!!

I ended purchasing the quail at our local farmer’s market in Wayne. At the Rittenhouse Farm’s counter. The quail purchased was frozen and from Cavendish Game Birds in Vermont. I’ve been buying these birds for a few years now.

They come frozen and tightly packaged. I’ve never, EVER had a bad bird from this company!

Anyway, I didn’t want to roast the quail. I thought if I pan seared them and cooked them on the stove; they would lend themselves better to a sauce. And since these birds are game, I thought a sauce with certain sweetness to it would be a good choice.

Bonaparte loves his frites, but since I’m not big on potatoes fried at home or the packaged French fries, I thought a bit more. There is a restaurant that we frequent when we are in Paris. The restaurant is Chez Paul on Place Dauphine. They serve these little cubed potatoes that are cooked so crisp on the outside and are creamy and soft on the inside. I had to try a few times to get these potatoes just right and now they are a staple.

Thank goodness The Fork took this photo! I’m always too busy enjoying meals here to take photos. We’ll be back here later this month and the potatoes here are incredible!!

And so—I would like to share with you my Pan-Seared Quail. Cherry/Black Currant Sauce and Cubed Potatoes!

You will need:

For the sauce: Dried Cherries (I found the ones at Trader Joe’s are both economically priced and very flavorful), Black Currant jelly (or Red Currant Jelly if you can’t find the black). Chicken Broth. Heavy Cream. Butter. Shallot. Rosemary. Salt and pepper.

and speaking of Rosemary. Every year I buy a Rosemary plant before the holidays. This is the 2016 model I purchased yesterday. I can snip, snip, snip rosemary all winter and the sunroom smells so nice from the aroma! Worth the $14.99!

For the potatoes.

Butter potatoes. Butter. Olive oil. Paprika. Salt and pepper to taste.

I get the butter potatoes at Wegmans. On the right a better look. The skin is thin and somewhat waxy. These really lend themselves well to sauteeing!

Quail. Semi-boneless. From the pack of 6 quail, I had two. Bonaparte had four. I would say though from two to three per person.

First. The night before cooking, defrost the quail in the fridge. The day of cooking, take the quail out of the package, pat dry, place on a plate, cover with cling and put the birds back in the fridge until ready to cook.

Patted dry and ready for some cling and back to the fridge!

Second: I do this early in the day. Take the dried cherries and put them in a small bowl. Pour a cup of cognac over them and allow them to soak. Then peel the butter potatoes. (I like these potatoes because they aren’t mealy). After peeling them, cut the ends so that the potato looks more rectangular. Then proceed to cut into cubes. Place the cubes in a pot of cold water. When all the potatoes are peeled and cubed, empty the potatoes into a colander and drain. Fill the pot with cold water again, add the drained potatoes and drain again. This helps to get the starch off.

Now. Boil the cubed potatoes for about 6 minutes. Drain, pat dry and put into a bowl. Refrigerate the potatoes until ready to sauté them.

Third: Start the sauce. Peel and mince two shallots. Into a medium sauce pan, place two tablespoons of butter and the peeled and minced shallots. Cook the shallots until transparent. Then add 1/4 cup of chicken broth. Cook until reduced by half. Next add the dried cherries that were soaking in the cognac and add the cognac they were soaking in. Bring to a boil—the cognac will lose the alcohol. Add a cup of cream while the cognac/broth are boiling and whisk constantly. When the sauce looks like it’ll boil over, turn the heat down to the lowest possible setting. Keep stirring and add more cognac. Add two large heaping tablespoons of the current jelly and keep whisking. Bring back to a boil and when it comes back up to that dangerous level of boiling over, take it off the heat. Keep stirring. Put the sauce aside.

NOW—all of those steps can be done early in the day so you aren’t rushing around later on. I’m a big believer in preparing in advance!

Fourth: Get two large pans, into both pans place two tablespoons of butter and a little bit of olive oil. Let the pans get hot with the butter/oil. Into one pan place the potatoes and into the other the quails. Sprinkle a bit of paprika over the potatoes and season with salt and pepper. Keep an eye on them because you will want to shake the pan every now and then.

Look behind the potatoes. THAT’S what the sauce will look like. I should have taken more sauce pics but I didn’t. I’m sorry!

Into the other pan place the quails, skin side up. Sear for about five minutes then turn over. The quails are done when the leg bone is more visible and the leg meat kind of “rides” up.

The quails will all fit into a large pan–they don’t take all the long to cook either!

Almost done. Look at the bird to the far right in the back. See how the bone of the leg is more visible? That’s a sign the bird is cooked!

Set aside. The potatoes should be done by now. Set them aside because now you are going to take one tablespoon of chilled butter and but it into the sauce. Heat up the sauce on a low/medium heat and allow the butter to melt—it’ll give a silky finish.

TIP: This is the time of year that I start to do a lot of baking and I make lots of sauces. Chilled butter is crucial to pie crusts and some sauces. I take a couple of sticks of butter, cut them into tablespoon portions and put the portions into freezer bags. This way when I need the chilled butter, it is pre-measured and chilled.

Plate and enjoy!

Plated! This is my portion. I had the quail with Brussels Sprouts and even though I’m on a weight loss journey, I was still able to enjoy the delicious sauce. Priorities!

We lost a great musical poet this week. Leonard Cohen.

Not only a great talent but I also thought Cohen was very attractive–even when I was younger!

He was a favorite of mine ever since I was young and heard the song “Suzanne” for the first time. But—his Hallelujah is probably the most beautiful song ever written. It is simplistic, haunting, touching and moving at the same time. It is an amazing piece of poetry. Cohen will be missed:

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged French Cooking, Memories, Weight Loss | 19 Comments

Week Election. I Mean Eleven. You Won’t Believe What I Stress Ate!!

Posted on November 10, 2016 by Catherine

Well, it’s been some helluva week. I’m still sad. I’m not in shock—that’s worn off, but I’m saddened that my girl Hillary won the popular vote and Trump ended up President. Let me not dwell!

But on another note, I envisioned the meeting of the Class Act Michelle Obama and the Crass Act Melania Trump. The conversation may have gone something like this..

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during THIS meeting!!

Michelle: “Melania, would you like to see your closet? It’s pretty well constructed and very roomy for all the clothing you will be wearing during your time as First Lady.”

Melania: “Mee-shell”. “Vat I need clah-sit for?” “You know who I am?” “I nekkid model” “I nekkid ack-tress in porn vid-eow!” “I veer no-sink—you silly girl you!” “I veer za fish net outfit that Donalt like” “But you nice—I need empty corner in clah-sit for box I came in ven Donalt mail-order me” ” I don’t need for clow-tink” ” I keep box in clah-sit if Donalt vant to sent me back to Slovenia where I vill be star!”

Michelle: (Looking at Melania in wonder). “I’ll take you downstairs to see where the good China is kept” “You will need the various sets of China for the dinners you will be serving.”

Melania: (Looking at Michelle as though she’s crazy) “Oh Michelle—you silly girl” “Donalt say no such sink as good China” “He say China only good for cheep product and take out foot” “I no eat dough becaws Donalt don’t like me fat” “He vant me sexy to run in Vhite House nekkit”. “He say as First Led-ee dat I be 11-not 10!”

And that pretty much sums up how I think our First, Slut, Tramp, not much of a, Lady will be. All those fundie men will be naming their hands after her—if you know what I mean!

I’m down another pound—but it’s a strange pound indeed. It fluctuates. Depending on what I’m eating I could stay at 150 or go down as low as 148. The thing I have to focus on now is maintaining a steady weight while losing those last ten pounds!

One day a two ounce difference. The pic on the right was taken before I had a pedi!

I’m also getting to the point where I really don’t miss the desserts. I’m not baking and it’ll be a challenge as the holidays draw near. But, I did manage to have dessert this weekend. The second dessert in 11 weeks. I cut it in half so that I could enjoy one half on Saturday and another on Sunday.

Bonaparte’s dessert is the healthier one with the raspberries. I went for the chocolate but cut it in half to enjoy it twice!

And in keeping to a relatively healthy menu, I made a chicken tajine last Saturday night. The Moroccan stew is so flavorful and aromatic and very comforting on these cooler nights. My strategy—serving my food on a smaller dish. The optical illusion makes me think I’m eating more!

All these great flavors and aromatics marinating made for a great meal!

And placing a serving on a smaller plate works wonders for the mind!

Saturday also brought a pleasant surprise of jeans in a smaller size. THIS is inspiration for the loss!

My smaller sized jeans. I am loving these so much!!!

I’ll tell you, last night I was just so damned depressed, stressed and upset that I didn’t even want the beautiful salad Bonaparte prepared for me. And I felt awful about it too—but not awful enough that I told him all I wanted was pasta to make me feel better after the result of the election! He “got” me! I had the salad this evening and last night I stress ate on…

A Weight Watcher meal!! Yeah. WW Pasta, Ricotta and Spinach. Worth every one of those 9 Points! I am actually amazed that I went from shoving any sort of bread, pastry, and baked good into my mouth to calm the nerves to a Weight Watcher Meal. Hell has frozen over ladies!

I never thought THIS would take the place of chocolate syrup poured over ice cream and topped with chocolate chips and whipped cream–and salted walnuts! But it did!!

I know. It looks AWFUL–but it tasted so divine!!

Ok. Let’s get on to what I wore this week—and let me tell you, I’m starting to love dressing again. Come with me to my clah-sit and vee pic out the clow-tink! Just like Melania vill do if she vear da clows!

This was last Friday’s jeans day outfit. Very comfy. The jeans are old 1969 ones fro GAP. If you notice, I still have wide hips and that’s fine. I don’t want to lose any more than ten more pounds!

Monday was nice and crisp and I wore my new SportKilt in a smaller size. This is a medium and fits beautifully. I paired the skirt with thigh-high boots, tights and a textured cotton turtleneck sweater from J. Crew that was purchased a couple of years ago!

This is my “Election Day” outfit. See those corduroy jeans? I got ’em at Gap about four years ago for ten bucks and they never fit me–until now. I dug my way through the garage to get these out of a plastic bin. I love them. They have a hint of stretch and I wore them with a very ladylike shell and cardigan set–from J. Crew!

And yes. I DID wear shoes to stand on the line to vote! But, I just can’t stand socks!

Uh oh! This is what I wore for the day after. It was a sad day after the election for me so I went with a somber look. Old black boots. And old pair of J. Crew Pixie Pants and a shirt that is at least 6 years old. One of the few pics of me not smiling. I do not like that look. I much prefer to smile!

Ok. Today I’m happier! Why? Because the blue pants that I can’t even remember HOW many years ago I purchased can FINALLY be zipped all the way up. I had been wearing them with tunic tops to hide the two inches that couldn’t zip. I wore them as regular pants today! It was also a happy day to wear a button down shirt under a sweater for the first time in a long time. The shirt is also an incredibly old one that I couldn’t button for a long time and now I can. My Little French Hen is very happy too!

As an aside, I ran out of the awful L’Oreal eyeliner I was using and rummaged through makeup I had but never used. Pays to be a hoarder sometimes. Anyway, I came across this Lights, Camera, Lashes eyeliner by Tarte. It’s GREAT!! And the thinner pen makes a nice line as you can see on my crossed eye! Thought I would give this liner a shout-out because a decent liner is difficult to find sometimes!

That’s about it for today! The weight is still coming off but at a slower pace. What motivates me is that clothing is fitting me again. I’m also not looking to food for solace (the election being the exception)!!

All this weight talk for weeks has me thinking about one of my favorite songs by The Band. The Weight!! Enjoy!! Robbie Robertson is total eye candy!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged #Humor, Election 2016, Weight Loss | 24 Comments

Healing From The Election

Posted on November 9, 2016 by Catherine

I want to make one thing clear before I go any further with today’s post. We have a great group of friends in this little blog community of “Atypical60”. We all don’t agree on everything either. And even though we don’t, we always manage to make our little group respectful and kind. I know that not everyone here voted for Hillary. Some have voted for Donald Trump. And that is your right as an American and I am proud and happy that you did your civic duty and voted. I do not harbor any ill feelings nor do I harbor any ill will. I am just incredibly saddened that my candidate did not win the election.

But I’m hurting right now. And I need to get this weight of hurt off my shoulders. I’m keeping the language clean (well, mostly) and I’m attempting to be as pragmatic as possible. So whether you agree or disagree, know that I am always happy to hear what you have to say and I respect you.

I have been hurting all day..and I’m sure I’ll be hurting for a while and will get over it–but for now. I hurt and that’s ok.

This morning I woke up a different person. Any trace of hope that I had for the progression of this great and beautiful United States of America was erased from my spirit and mind.

I had high hopes that we would wake up to history making progress as we welcomed our first female President of these United States.

Yes Hillary. I am still with you. You are far more “Presidential”!

Instead, America elected a man who claimed that our beautiful and grand America was not great. And he promised to make our already great country great again.

Only a con man would make the people of these United States think she is not great. “Liberty Enlightening The World”–I am crying with you.

He said that he would build a wall to keep Mexicans out of our country. He also said that he would grab a woman by “the pussy.” He cheated small businessmen out of money when he refused to pay them. There are many things this vile man did and even worse things that he said. Yet the people of this great country felt that Hillary Clinton was evil because of some emails that had no validity at all. Emails are bad. Donald Trump’s treatment of women is good. I can’t even.

People accepted Trump’s treatment of women as acceptable yet crucified emails. I can’t. I can’t even.

So here’s what I’ve been wondering about in between my episodes of crying all day.

Why is it that all the “Christians” who voted for Trump, voted for a man who cheated on two wives, and then married a woman who was in a porno video and posed nude? And these same people ostracized Hillary for standing by her man during his dalliance.

The new First Lay-dee on the far right…

A more “modest” photo of the woman who will turn the White House into the White Trash HouseTo think that women dressed like this who pray and succumb to their men like good little slaves voted for Trump. Trump would call these women unattractive. Or perhaps he would call them pigs just as he has other women. And these same people approve of Melania naked but disapprove of Michelle Obama baring her arms!

Many people who voted for Trump are “pro-life”. They feel that abortion should be outlawed because it is a sin. (Their Jesus said so. MY Hipster Jesus is all forgiving and welcomes the sinners.) What say you when that little girl down the street—the one who is so nice and kind and babysits for the entire neighborhood, gets pregnant at 16 the first time she had sex because her boyfriend bullied her into it? What happens when she is so scared of her
Christian parents disowning her or beating her to a pulp? She won’t be able to find a doctor because Roe v. Wade will have been overturned. She will find a coat hanger—and TWO lives will be lost. Is that better?

My hipster Jesus welcomes the sinners because he knows we are real . Hipster Jesus forgives and doesn’t care about the ones who judge.

I also wonder about these same right-to-lifers who are also in favor of the death penalty—because we all know that the majority of them are.

But more important is that not everyone is a Christian. Not everyone has the same beliefs. There are Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Agnostics and Atheists –even Wiccans who make up this America. It is so arrogant to believe that only Christians can rule our country.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not pro-abortion. It is just that nobody, NOBODY has the right to tell a woman what to do with her body. Not now. Not ever. Never!

And these self-righteous people who make up the conservative and republican ilk who continue on the quest for the right to life are the same people who condemn the homeless. God forbid if their taxes were raised to build better shelters. We would have to hear them complaining about the entitled poor people again. Would YOU want to trade places with them? No. I didn’t think so—but you continue to condemn them.

Ewwww. Who wants to allow POOR people to get jobs–but yet, do you want them to continue to live in squalor? Trump supporters want them to live in squalor!

These are the very people who complain that the homeless and less fortunate should go out and get jobs. This is a slippery slope because if a president created jobs for these people, an uproar of the white entitled would ensue. But—your new President may be creating more jobs for the citizens of China, as he already has. Or perhaps he’ll find jobs for the people who live under his buddy Putin’s rule! Just a little snack food for thought!

My guess is that more people will end up using shopping carts as mobile homes if your President Trump has his way. Better get ready for the homes on wheels!

This is also a man who put the thought into people’s heads that Obama and the Democrats ruined healthcare. No. Obama did NOT ruin healthcare. The Republicans like Mitch McConnell and the rest of his crew made sure to stymie any notion of great healthcare that Obama had. That is because McConnell and all those Republicans are sleeping with the health insurance companies. It is also because McConnell along with McCain said that they would put a stop to anything Obama wanted to pass. They simply hated Obama because he is black.

And Trump’s supporters never realized that we have a Republican congress that has already screwed the people of this country over in the past and now they will do it in a bigger and better way.

And this is also a man who claimed that he would date his daughter. I guess Trump likes to keep everything in the family. And people voted for a man who admitted to potential incest!

Oh I KNOW these incestuous men who claim to “love” their daughters through Purity Balls definitely voted for Donald Trump!

Trump made fun of the mentally and physically disabled. Did you know that I had a sister, Beth Ann, who was born both mentally and physically disabled? She died. And if she had lived to be an adult, she was targeted by Trump. I don’t know what is sadder. The fact that Trump publically ridiculed the disabled or that my very own siblings, all four of them and their spouses, voted for this same man who ridiculed the sister they never got to know. I will never, ever forget that.

Take a good look at this visual of your new President. THIS is what he thinks of the disabled. And to think my siblings–with a sister who was severely disabled support and voted for this human venom.

I equate Donald Trump’s actions with that of my ex-husband. He was an alcoholic. He bullied me a couple of times physically, but for the most part, he bullied me emotionally. I still have issues and deep emotional scars. I’m not ready to open up about that yet.

Donald Trump is every bullying man—he is the dry-drunk of politicians. He will wreak havoc on people’s emotions. And people will continue to worship him.

I will not worship him. I will not respect him. I will not admire him. I will not respect his wife as she is no first lady. Donald Trump is not my President.

But—in my attempts to be bipartisan, I will continue to wear my killer Ivanka Trump heels—it’s the least I can do as an American citizen.

The Ivanka Trump heels were grandfathered into my use. I have a shoe clause. Nobody can say I’m not being bipartisan!

My heart goes out to all my gay friends—and those in the gay community I don’t know. You matter to me. My heart goes out to the transgender community and goes out to those I know and don’t know who are of all races and creeds. I am ashamed because our society that should have been progressing is now regressing. You matter to me.

To all my friends in other countries. Remember. Not all of us voted for this vile excuse of a man. There are a great many of us who are compassionate, empathetic, and kind-hearted toward our less fortunate.

There isn’t much more that I can say except we need to heal and we need to move forward. Those of us who care need to support each other. We truly need love and kindness right now—because we will not be receiving it from our new President nor will we receive it from the conservative congress.

For a perfect example of love and kindness look no further than Joshua Coombes. He travels around Britain with scissor in hand to give the homeless a hair makeover and confidence. THIS is a real man!

For me, I’m happy I have the friends who continue to read my blog—whether they agree with me or not, they matter to me. I have my three children. I have Bonaparte. It’s all good.

And I’m still with her.

Former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton takes part in a Center for American Progress roundtable discussion on “Expanding Opportunities in America’s Urban Areas” in Washington.

I’m still with ya Hillary!

…and her…

And you Elizabeth Warren–you are better than any man in Congress!!

And her….

WASHINGTON, DC – NOVEMBER 12: First lady Michelle Obama speaks to students about higher education during an event at the Bell Multicultural High School, November 12, 2013 in Washington, DC. The first lady told students to commit to their education so that they can create a better future for themselves and their country. (Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

And Michelle–can I interest you in running for President of the USA in 2020? I have a plan….

Here’s a song I’ve been thinking about all day. R.E.M. “The End of the World”. But now that I’ve thought about it–it ISN’T the end of the world. But it is very relatable!

Thanks for letting me vent! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Election 2016, Emotional pain | 97 Comments

Do The Duty. Do The Deed. VOTE!!

Posted on November 7, 2016 by Catherine

Tomorrow will be a game-changer in these United States of America.

I am voting based on the person whom I feel is the most pragmatic choice. The one who has already lived in The White House for eight years. The one who has worked in politics and the one who is level headed. She is my choice and it is my right as an American to vote for her.

I’ll be hitting the poll at seven in the morning tomorrow!

And that is what is so wonderful about our country. We have the choice. It is our decision and we will help to change the way our nation moves for the next four years.

We are also lucky as a people because we have the privilege of voting. And it is a privilege and our civic duty.

But there’s another reason that I love to vote. It validates my personal right to complain. If Trump is elected and screws up, I can gladly complain and say “told you so” to all my friends who supported him.

If Hillary is elected and screws up, I can still complain because I voted.

But if you don’t vote–you have NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN BECAUSE YOU FAILED TO VOTE!

What’s that you say? You didn’t vote but you are complaining? Honey–talk to the hand!

And as this dirty campaign winds down, we will soon find out who will be leading our country–whether we are pleased or not. But if we voted, we will find comfort in knowing that we tried!

Many of us won’t be pleased with the results–but if you voted, you did your part in trying to change!

And we will still be friends and life will go on. So please vote. Please do your part in making a change. No matter who you vote for, just vote!

I’ll be going to sleep soon so that I am well-rested to wake up early tomorrow!

Here’s an oldie but goodie that’s a great one for election day eve!! POLITICIAN by Cream!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Election 2016 | 24 Comments

Shit Old Ladies Wear–And Don’t EVER Tell Me I’m Too Old to Wear Jeans!

Posted on November 6, 2016 by Catherine

Skinny jeans are my friend. Skinny jeans with a bit of stretch are my very good friends. And super skinny jeans with a bit of stretch and that fit tightly around the ankles are my very best friends! And because I’ve lost some weight, I wanted to purchase a couple of pairs of new skinny jeans to get me through my weight loss journey until I reach my goal.

My assortment of skinny jeans. Notice the variation of sizes. Up until a couple of weeks ago I could not fit into the 29’s or 28’s. Now I need a belt to wear the 30’s.

And so, as I perused the internet to get some ideas of jeans that I might be interested in, I came across an article that was posted on the “Today.com” site. The article was from the Daily Mail-a site that proves Brexit isn’t the most idiotic idea the Brits have ever had. Uh Unh. This article (Click the purple print to read the article!) is just as idiotic. (CAVEAT: This is not an insult to my British friends!!!)

It’s bad enough the Brits, along with many Americans feel that women over a “certain age” should not wear bikinis or short shirts. And now there is an age at when we should stop wearing jeans! That age is 53. WTF is this?

That’s right! OMFG. NOW we are told the age we should be no longer wearing jeans!

And THIS—from the country that gave us the British Invasion, Carnaby Street fashions and the tightest pants that men could ever wear! Now they dictate the age in which people should stop wearing a staple of clothing!

Brit Mick Jagger’s jeans are so tight he had to do some adjusting of his family jewels!

And the ever beautiful and tressly blessed Robert Plant wore jeans so tight they were bulge jeans. And I’ll bet both Plant and Jagger STILL wear tight jeans. They are way older than 53!

Look—I don’t blame the Brits exclusively for this moronic train of thought. I place the blame on the fashion industry’s constant brainwashing and dictating to the public of what we should wear, of what we shouldn’t wear, of what is “on-trend” (Ugh! I despise that phrase so much!) and of what is in and out.

And the fashion industry is also guilty of failing to place photos of older women in both editorial pages in magazines and in ads that run through their publications. Ageism runs rampant throughout this industry. It is vile and disgusting and so far the only person to take action upon this is Ari Seth Cohen and his “Advanced Style” movement.

Ari Seth Cohen. The ONLY man on earth to start the revolution against ageism in fashion. Sometimes I get very annoyed with him, but overall, I gotta thank him–and he looks great in denim!

..and THIS is when I look at Cohen’s “Advanced Style” site and drool and smile with glee. LOOK AT THIS ENSEMBLE!!! Proof that old ladies can wear this shit at ANY age!! I’m dying over the red leash and red lips. I love!!

And while I really get annoyed at times with that movement because of the clownish attire that many of these women sport, I respect and thank all the participants for their stand against fashion ageism. This young man is the only man to come to the defense of the older woman and I gotta hand it to him!

Telling me what I cannot wear because I am over a certain age fills me with rage. (I promised Bonaparte that I would keep my cursing limited so I’m not going to write every form of the “eff ” word that I used when I read the age we should stop wearing jeans. Use your imagination.)

It’s true. I become a madwoman whenever I read an article that tries to dictate what older women (and men) should and should not wear. Don’t get me started!

I am 61 years old—and yeah—the word is old. I am not 61 years anti-aging nor am I 61 years ageless. Like Popeye the Sailor , “I yam what I yam”. And that is 61 years old! And I can wear whatever the hell I want to wear. And that includes jeans.

Looks like old Popeye likes jeans too–and he’s REALLY old!

And so I will show and tell you just how an older woman can rock the jeans at over 53!

First of all, you need to know your body type. If you are curvy or have a bit of weight on the bottom, you may want to steer clear of a boot cut jean. While I realize that a great many women love this cut jean, this jean looks absolutely horrific on me. From the hips down, I look like an hourglass and not in the good way at all!

Secondly, don’t pay attention to sizing. A 29 in some brands can be loose, while a 29 in another brand may not make it above your lower thigh!

The size label from the Jolt Jeans I purchased yesterday. A Jr. Size 9 with a 29 waist…

However, take a look at the size of the AG Jeans I purchased. Size 28. And if you look at the first picture I posted, my jeans run the size gamut. You really need to try different sizes!

I think a flare is also difficult to wear if you aren’t tall and lean. A few years back, when I was a much lighter weight, I did have a pair of flares—the length was incredibly long and I could only wear the jeans with very high heels. And they looked fantastic. But I’m over that now. It has nothing to do with my age but it has everything to do with my comfort zone. I’ve learned over the years that I’m more confident when I’m within the boundaries of my personal comfort zone.

In all honesty, I think that a great jean for a women who has gone through that stage of life where her body isn’t what it was years ago is one with stretch! (Um—for me it means a combination of childbirth and incredible laziness of refusing to go to a gym) But beware of the stretch for sometimes these jeans will stretch out a bit too much—you may want to size down if you aren’t familiar with the brand. Or you may want to wear a belt with the jeans. I’m not one for belts but I do find that with certain jeans, a belt is a must! Especially with weight loss–the pants will start to fall five minutes after you put them on. Belt ’em!

My visit to Nordstrom Rack yesterday proved successful. I ended up purchasing this pair of Jolt Jeans. The rise is a bit higher and look at the ankle–it’s nice and tight. I love that. The cut of this jean is very simple–not fussy at all..

..and very ass-friendly. I love the plain back pockets!

I tried these dark wash legging jeans by SPANX and almost purchased them. The only reason I didn’t make the purchase is that I already have two pair of dark wash. I just could not justify a third at this time. I did love the fit though. They were extremely flattering around the tummy and waist!

7 For All Mankind jeans were a fail for me on every level. The fit just wasn’t good for my curvy hips. AND the bottom hem of these skinny jeans stuck out–see the pic? I do not like that.

My prize of the day was this skinny distressed ankle jean by AG. These jeans have JUST A HINT OF STRETCH–so they ain’t going anywhere and I won’t need a belt. The jean is not too dark and not too light. Call me crazy but I love the rips–they add some character!

They are very ass-friendly with a bit of lift….

I am so in love with these jeans..and they look great with loafers. These jeans will be getting a lot of love from me!

The high rise jean. It’s coming back. These have a tendency to be very “mom jeans.” (what an awful label—they should just be labeled “fugly jeans” instead) The thing about the high waist is that it can actually make you look heavier if you have a belly. Take it from me. I have a pair from GAP; and when I was heavier, I had to wear tunics with these jeans to cover the belly because these jeans just did not flatter my mid section!

Even with weight loss, I don’t find this high-rise jean to be flattering. What they are is extremely comfy and will be worn with longer sweaters during the winter!

The very low rise jean. I do not own this type of jean. There are reasons. I like to keep the crack of my ass private and I do not have a bidet. I will not elaborate any further. Only incredibly well-toned women who own bidets should DARE to wear these.

Keira Knightley in a pair of very low rise jeans. I’m sure she has a bidet in her home and will never have to worry about bending over in these low jeans. They do not look comfortable. At all.

Britney Spears in extreme low rise jeans. I’m sure she is waxed to make her as hairless as a newborn. I’m also sure she does NOT have a bidet. I don’t care WHAT age you are–these jeans are not flattering on anyone!

The mid-rise jean. This is the “just right” bowl of porridge that Goldilocks ate! This is the rise that surprisingly is friendly to everyone! It cuts the muffin top but not the body. You can wear a shirt tucked in with this kind of jean and your body will look longer. You can wear a longer sweater and be in your comfort zone. AND you can bend over till your heart’s content and keep your cheeks to yourself.

The Mid Rise Jean. See how flattering it is? Not too high. Not too low. It actually elongates the middle of the body…

Trust me. My middle section is so out-of-shape that it’s a sin! But yet, the mid-rise jean is incredibly flattering! (as long as I’m dressed)

Anyway, I’m no expert but here’s a few ways I like to style my jeans!

The new Jolt Jeans. I love a lighter wash jean paired with a black turtleneck and boots. I love the look here because the black suede boots go way over the knee making my legs look longer! I’m not big on accessories. If I venture out, I’ll throw on a scarf.

Same Jeans but with a color block shirt. This photo really sucks but the shirt is actually very flattering. I swear to you I cannot even take a decent pic with a selfie-stick!

Same jeans, color block shirt and this time with pointy-toed shoes. This is a nice look for a casual dinner out with Bonaparte or the kids!

Nuthin’ like a good pair of toe-cleavage bearing pointy toed heels. I was NOT going to say the brand of the shoe due to my politics and my extreme, intense dislike of Trump. But these are Ivanka Trump shoes. I hate to admit it but I love her shoes. I have a few pair. I’m still voting for Hillary!

Different jeans. Different look. I’m wearing my GAP legging jeans. The belt is sorely needed to keep the pants up. And even though I’m not an accessorizer, I love this leopard horse-hair belt. I got it so long ago I can’t even remember where it is from. The cotton shell has GOT to be over ten years old from Talbots. Worn with a black blazer from J. Crew and black suede ghillie flats from Unisa, this is a look that can go from the office to a night out or a lunch with the girls. Despite the fact that I took this pic in my kitchen, I would NOT cook in this outfit!

A closer look proves how great that mid-rise is–so flattering!

The shoes. Seriously. The shoes! I can’t stop thinking about Oona’s Irish Dance days whenever I wear these pointy-toed lovlies!!

And now for an edgy look to the classic “White Tee, Loafers, and Blue Jeans” look. The delightfully distressed AG Ankle Skinny Jeans! I’m in love with the jeans but the bane of my blogging existence is this friggin’ Selfie stick!

Little details such as clean hair can help the look to be a bit more presentable!

My old Bass Weejuns get a new life with these jeans!

A striped Breton shirt from J. Crew and pewter heels give these jeans a completely different and more sophisticated look. I swear my selfie-stick use is becoming worse!

A navy Schoolboy blazer from J. Crew turns this look into my favorite! I wore this to Wegmans to buy ground turkey! It is a classic look. Those shoes are by you-know-who and I’ve had them for years and love them!

Jeans. Boots. Blazers. Scarfs. Just some shit old ladies wear–and should always wear because NOBODY should ever dictate what old ladies should wear. Not now. Not ever. Never! In fact, I would say that the ladies over 53 look a lot better in jeans than many of our young ladies do!

And remember—jeans are versatile.

*They can help to curb your appetite. Wear an extra-tight pair while eating a holiday dinner and you’ll know what I mean.

*Did you run out of clean panties? No worries! You can comfortably go commando with jeans and not worry about the see-through factor.

*Jeans can be worn these days on any occasion. Dress ’em up or down. It’s all good.

*Jeans have been mentioned in many a song..and today I bring you.. Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer”..starts with “Blue Jean Lady”….this is my all-time favorite Elton John song. From Tumbleweed Connection..

And so ladies over 50, 60, 70 and above. WEAR THOSE JEANS AND WEAR THEM WELL. And never allow anyone to tell you what you should or should not wear! XOXOXOXO

Posted in ageism, Ari Seth Cohen, Jeans | Tagged #Humor, Beauty, Fashion, Fashion for older women | 52 Comments

Week Ten. Let’s Start Again.

Posted on November 3, 2016 by Catherine

This week was a roller-coaster ride. The Great. The Fun. The Sad.

The great part of the week is that I am no longer in the probation period of my job. I’m fully employed again! You have no idea what a relief it is to finally have steady income once again. What’s also great is that I actually enjoy going to work every day and I love what I’m doing and learning.

Just two more reasons I enjoy going to the office! Halloween decor!!

I’m down another half pound. Which is odd because I thought I may have lost a bit more due to the way my clothing is fitting. Plus, this is the only Halloween on record that I never, NEVER, ate any candy. I mean—I didn’t even have a piece of candy corn! Nothing. I’m so proud of myself and I feel like I achieved greatness for not even being tempted.

Don’t judge. I’m going for a pedicure Saturday! A half pound loss is far better than a half-pound gain! It’ll be slow from now on–especially since I am now down to that annoying last ten pounds!

And Halloween was fun. We went through all the candy that we bought. Bags of KitKats and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Every. Last. Bit. And as I handed the kids their treat, I also thanked them for helping me on their diet. Most of the kids looked at me as though I had a few drinks—but their parents totally “got” it—and had a laugh.

My Halloween treat was waiting for me when I arrived home from work. My cousin, John Wynne sent me a copy of his group’s new CD. He’s a flutist with the band “Gatehouse”. They are based out of County Roscommon in Ireland and play traditional Irish music. It’s a beautiful CD and I would play a tune for you if they were on YouTube—but we’ll have to wait. The CD is wonderful—aires, slip jigs, reels—and songs sung in Gaelic. It’s just brilliant!

Tus Nua is Gaelic for new beginning and this CD is the beginning of a very successful group in the world of Irish Trad music! My cousin John is the handsome lad with the dark eyes!

But there was also sadness. The next morning I received the news that one of my New York City friends passed away. It was suddenly so she didn’t have to suffer. My friend Dianna was one of my neighbors in our apartment building. We hung out in the playground—her son Danny and my son Roman have been life-long friends, they have been roommates and they have been band mates in their rock group. In fact, Dianna was like a second mother to Roman—while I was stuck here in the Nether regions of Pennsylvania, Dianna would take pictures of Roman at gigs and just have a great time with the kids. She actually was like an overgrown kid herself.

RIP. The universe gained another shining star!

She left this earth on her absolutely favorite holiday—Halloween. She was dressed in costume as a vampire when she left us. She went out having a great time. I am sad because I never got to thank her for being so good to my son. But I think she knows.

It was hard to focus the past couple of days but we handle these kinds of moments in our own way. I’ll admit—I’m a bit blue right now because it makes me think of my own mortality and makes me think of all the times I can’t run into NYC or Cincinnati at the drop of a hat to visit my kids. I think I made them too independent—and that isn’t a bad thing!

Instead—I decided to focus on the most wonderful time of the year! Oh. Yes. I. Did!

That’s right. Halloween is over, Thanksgiving is the lost holiday so let’s start with Christmas a bit earlier!

I started to pull out the Christmas décor after dinner. Just a touch. Pillows and throws. I’ll do a little more over the weekend. Do you think I need more pillows?????

More pillows and a red throw. I need so much more!

A snowflake platter for the downstairs coffee table so the kids can eat!

This Teddy Bear was a shower gift 33 years ago when I had my first son! He’s still going strong!

Chippy approves of the red comfy throw on the bed!

Time to add to the snow globe duo!

The loveseat in the sunroom, and the two sofas in the living room are decorated with pillows and throws. I’m now in the zone. It’s time to start embellishing and make Chateau Bonaparte look more festive!

Here’s what I wore this week! Take a look..

Oh. And I’m thrilled because my black watch plaid pants that I couldn’t even zipper in the beginning of September, not only fit but they are now loose!

Here’s today’s outfit. The pants are SUPPOSED to be shorter but they are falling down because they are loose. I’ll have them tailored, but not quite yet. I want to do it after that last 10 pounds! NOTE. I always wear a fake pearl necklace of some sort whenever I wear a colored sweater–I think it frames the face in a more flattering way.

Last Friday, jeans day, was a pleasure because the weather FINALLY got cooler again. I wore an old pair of skinny jeans and the boots are by Chinese Laundry. I think they are about 5 years old and they are incredibly comfortable! It was fun to wear a comfy heavy sweater and a plaid scarf!

And then we had Sunday–and the mercury hit 79 degrees! It was summer again!

My Halloween outfit. My concept costume. I dressed as a Ye-Ye Girl. Suede Mini skirt (which I ordered ON SALE at J. Crew Factory. This skirt is a keeper! ) Black sweater, Black thigh-high boots. I’ll tell ya–this is one of my favorite outfits and I’ll be packing it for our trip to Paris later this month!

Tuesday’s outfit was a kicky little red skirt that I normally reserve for December! I LOVE this skirt! And yes. Older women CAN wear shorter skirts! I matured the skirt up a bit with a cardi and shell sweater set!

Red nails and a red leather bracelet (Thank you Anne!) completed the look!

On Wednesday, I was just not feeling up to par, I was a bit sad so I literally threw on an old pair of Pixie Pants that I purchased at Old Navy some years back. I like the pointy toed flats these days–they give a lean look. I wore a plaid (surprise!) shirt from J. Crew Factory that is old as the hills and a navy schoolboy blazer from J. Crew that is now discontinued. I may be in the minority, but I LOVE the combination of black and blue clothing!

Tomorrow is jeans Friday at work. I’m spoiling myself because between the tights and pants, I haven’t shaved my legs in a while! I get so lazy in this weather. Don’t you? Please say you do! Do not make me feel like the only lazy slob–Hahahaha!!

The sauce was a fail. A. Fail!

OK. You know how I wrote that post about what a great saucier I am? Well, Saturday evening we had Steak au Poivre. I screwed the sauce. And I screwed it up because I followed a recipe! I knew I shouldn’t have and I did anyway. The recipe called for beef broth which I thought very odd because I’ve only made it with cream, butter and cognac. Bonaparte breathed a sigh of relief when he mentioned the sauce didn’t live up to the usual and I didn’t freak out. I told him it was my own fault. So the morale of this little story. Go with your gut when cooking. A recipe isn’t necessarily a good one! I learned a lesson!

You can cook. You can wear what you want and you can lose the weight–even if it is only a few ounces during the week–it is better than a gain!!

Today I’m posting an oldie but goodie from Earth, Wind and Fire. “Shining Star” because that’s what Dianna was on earth and she is now a shining star in the universe!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged #Humor, Fashion, Weight Loss | 25 Comments

A Hairy Piece of Change, I Am!

Posted on October 30, 2016 by Catherine

Have you ever heard the saying “You’re a hairy piece of change”? I’m not sure if it is an old saying about someone who’s somewhat cheeky,or if my dad made it up. But he used that expression with all of us kids when we were rather difficult and sassy.

For some reason, the saying was used on me more than any of my sibs.

I thought about that saying when I received my bloodwork back from my thyroid testing. Once again, there was nothing wrong.

But I have to come out of the closet and be upfront with everyone. During my doctor’s exam, and when I explained all the hair loss to my doctor, he asked me how long I’ve been “twirling” and “playing” with my hair. He asked me this because I was twirling and playing with my hair while we were speaking. I told him as long as I could remember.

And then there was more. Any one of my hairs that was filled with split ends; I pulled from my head and split the ends more. It gets worse. I’ve been pulling my hair out for years. I started when I was around 12 or 13. I’m 61. Do the math.

This is what happens from years of pulling and tugging hair. It doesn’t grow back! Not now. Not ever. Never! Note that the Toppik no longer works!

It is more than a horrible habit; it is an actual obsessive compulsive disorder called Trichotillomania. It is caused by anxiety and stress. On one hand, I’m lucky that I only pull the hair from my head and not my brows or lashes. On the other hand, I’ve pulled for so many years that I have permanent hair loss. Add to that thinning from menopause and I can tell you…

Anywhere you pull over and over and over again for years and years, you will do permanent damage…

This is not pretty. It is not fun. It is a disorder and I have to say I’m a bit ashamed to have kept it a secret!

I am no longer a “hairy” piece of change!

But—let’s not go into the fact that I still pull my hair. Let’s look at the solutions.

My Toppik no longer does the disguising job for me. And I’ve started wearing top pieces, or toppers and wigs. I know—I’ve written about the fake hair and hair loss before but I wasn’t 100% upfront and honest. Please don’t be mad at me for not coming clean about this sooner but it’s really difficult to admit our issues sometimes. I’m not perfect and I goofed!

So let’s talk about the fake hair items and how I’ve been changing them up. They truly are hairy pieces of change!

If you wear fake hair—for medical reasons, or fun reasons, or for any reason, you know that sometimes, you just can’t wear the hair straight outta the box. Sometimes you need a bit of equipment to help you.

You need wig clips…

Thinning shears, scissors, thread, a needle and…

Tweezers, T-pins and a styrofoam head (which has more brains than I do at times)!

Case in point: I ordered a Milan topper by Noriko from the site Brand Name Wigs. This site has GREAT prices BTW and the ordering process was quick and easy. Anyway, when I opened the box, I was shocked at how much hair was on this piece. I cut bangs into the piece but still, the bangs were thick and Milan just didn’t give me a lot of love.

The Milan. A very popular top piece by Noriko. I originally cut bangs into this piece but they were way too thick and I was afraid to cut them shorter. Bonaparte hated the way this looked–but I knew I could make it better!

But I realized that I need the coverage. So I took matters into my own hands. I purchased a pair of thinning shears. I trimmed the bangs a bit more and thinned out the piece. Let me tell you, there was a lot of hair! I thinned out some more until I liked what I saw. And now—Milan is just right for me.

I took my thinning shears and went snip, snip, snip in a downward motion the length of the bangs. I trimmed the bangs a bit more with the scissors cutting with the scissors pointing upwards..

The finished product–a far thinner bang. I also thinned the fake hair around the front and my Milan is so much better and ready be be worn!

Another wig I purchased is from Escara, a line from Bobbi Boss Wigs. The wig is the Jenika. Although I love the side swept bangs, they were way too long—so I thinned them out and cut a bang into it. I thought I would love this wig but I’m on the fence about it. Although the wig itself is incredibly airy and light, the wig just isn’t “me”.

Jenika before and after. I think perhaps if I put some makeup on the wig may look better but I’m just not feeling the love right now with this! I thought I would but this is good practice!

But—on the bright side, it’s a great wig to work with and practice on!

Here’s and example of when a mistake purchase turns out to be fine! I purchased what I thought was a front-lace closure. It kind of isn’t. It’s a weave piece. It was $29.99 which is really a great price considering all toppers are far more expensive—but compared to the price of some great wigs……

Um. What was IN the box is tons shorter than what is ON the box! I am learning the difference between a top lace closure and a weave closure!

Anyway, I thought the piece would be longer, like my uniwigs topper. But it wasn’t. Maybe 8 to 10 inches total and somewhat thin. Nevertheless, I trimmed the lace, which was more like netting, and sewed four clips into the top. Surpirse!!! It turned out to be a great little top piece to cover the worst of my spots. This is great for the warmer weather when I don’t want a lot of weight on my head. In fact, I think I’ll go back and pick up another one at some point.

I sewed four clips into this closure. Note on the upper left, there is a tiny piece of netting. That netting was all around the closure and I cut it off. Also, I’m no great hand sewer–but it doesn’t matter–these clips ain’t going anywhere!

Here’s the weave closure. It isn’t that long at all but…

It blends nicely into my bio hair. I like this. It IS on the thin side so for extra protection, I actually CAN sprinkle a bit of Toppik on me.

This weave closure is virtually undetectable! I think for a mistake, I did a good job!

Easy steps to a mistake that turned out to be a plus!

I have a wig that I loved until I cut the bangs too short. Looking on the bright side, I turned the wig into a topper. It is still a work in progress because I have to run to the store later to purchase more wig clips to sew them in. The wig is Glow Girl by Forever Young. It is a great length and wavy. I ended up cutting the bottom wefts off and now can be used as a top piece. I had to thin the hell out of the bangs that I ruined but I like the way it turned out.

I also put some makeup on to appear a bit more human! Anyway, here’s the Glow Girl wig by Forever Young that is now a topper. I did cut the bangs too short but with thinning shears I was able to rescue the look a bit. AND with turning it into a topper I can place it lower on my head, making the bangs longer. This blends nicely into my bio hair as well!

I cut the bottom weft out to open the wig up and allow it to sit as a topper. I started sewing clips into it around the edges. I’m not done!

Now I’ll show you two wigs that I am in love with and all I had to do to make them look a bit more natural was to take a tweezer and widen and lengthen the part. The first one is by Model Model and is the Jazzy wig. Model Model is an African American wig brand and the hair closest resembles my bio hair. It’s true—not all white ladies have white lady hair. It is a myth. Most of us white women don’t have perfect hair at all! We have thin hair. We have coarse hair, curly hair, frizzy hair! You name it—we got it!

The Jazzy, from Model Model wigs. I LOVE this piece. It is the closest thing to my bio hair. I’m serious when I tell you that when my hair was this length, I could NEVER get it into waves that looked this good! And….

All I had to do was tweeze a wider part into it!

Don’t be afraid to tweeze. You won’t take too much out and it’ll look more natural!

Anyway, I ordered the Jazzy from SistaWigs.com. If you have coarse hair, then by all means go check out Model Model, Freetress, Bobbi Boss wigs and Viveca Fox wigs. SistaWigs also has plenty of stock and the delivery is quick.

So…I tweezed the Jazzy and that was it. I love the waves they are incredibly natural looking and this is a comfy wig. The only other thing I did was to sew a couple of wig clips in the back to ensure a more solid fit. The combs that are sewn into the inside are also a good form of insurance to keep the wig on.

Then there is the Model Model Jota wig that I purchased at a local beauty supply store. Very similar to Jazzy, it has a looser wave—more of a lob. I did cut a bit off the front ends to give it a more blunt edge and added more of a part with the tweezers.

This is the Jota wig by Model Model. I like the looseness of the waves but I felt that it needed a more blunt edge for me. I’m happy with the end result.

I am also happy with the deep parts of the Model Model wigs. A bit of tweezing and it looks very natural!

BTW, THIS is the mess that Bonaparte never saw. He would have had a heart attack if he walked in on this mess!

You can bet your bippee that I cleaned up THAT mess in record time!!

So that’s it. Basically, that’s how I spent yesterday! I feel good about being open with my hair problem. And please don’t think I’m a liar—even though I’ve been lying to myself for years. Anxiety is something I’ve been suffering from since childhood. It was suggested to my parents by our family doctor to take me to a therapist and they completely balked and never spoke about it again. What’re you gonna do?

I’m off to Barnes and Noble in a little while to get Ina’s new book—Cooking for Jeffrey. I’m so excited I could cry!

I’ll be singing “Someone’s in The Kitchen With Ina” tonight!

Instead for now here’s some Isley Brothers—”It’s Your Thing”…and paying with fake hair is my latest thing. What’s YOUR thing????

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Hair Loss, Hair Loss Solutions, Trichotillomania | 46 Comments

Week Nine–Ain’t It Fine?

Posted on October 27, 2016 by Catherine

Halloween is in four days.

No candy for me. But I think I will dress up as a pirate because an eye patch will give my crossed eyes a rest!

The candy hasn’t been purchased yet. It will be bought on Sunday afternoon. The truth of the matter is I can’t have it around. It’s too tempting for me. Especially since I like to buy the good stuff like Butterfinger bars, Snickers Bars and the mother of all candy bars—the Pay Day bar!

After I saw this photo of my beloved PayDay bar I almost went on Candy Warehouse’s website. I could eat an entire bag of these gems!!

The combination of sweet and salty drives me so over-the-top with sweet candy lust that go crazy. And as much as I love chocolate, this log of peanuty saltiness covered over sweet caramel wins my vote as best candy bar of all time!

But enough of that. This week brought about a better loss. Look at the scale. 150.6! I remember a time what that number would have frightened me. No more! I have ten and a half pounds to go—but that loss won’t be a ticket to stuff my mouth. I’ll still have to watch what I eat and that’s fine. I’m learning that cutting down during the week and enjoying a good meal on the weekends without overdoing it is the way to go!

The number is great. Another pound and a half and I’ll be out of the 150’s! This photo though–I’m mortified! I TRIED to give myself a pedi. I took a nail clipper and literally goofed up. I’m going to the nail place Saturday. Bonaparte was very upset with me! Sorry for the hair that fell on the floor! I shed more than my dog!

More and more clothing is fitting me and before I start on what I wore during the week, I’ll share what I wore today and why. I wore an easy casual outfit today because I had my anxiety-ridden annual lady parts exam. Thank God my doctor and his nurse Kathy are actually a pleasure to be with.

I wore a simple outfit of my checked pixie pants, flats with no socks, a silky buttoned shirt, and a black wool cardigan sweater. The shirt—I love it—and hadn’t worn it in about three years because it didn’t fit across the bust and the buttons over my belly would not close. It is a beautiful fit now—proof that you should not purge your closet of stuff you haven’t worn in years. I don’t care what the experts say. I saved money.

This ensemble may be incredibly basic, but nothing needs to go over the head so the hair doesn’t get messed up. You have NO idea how thrilled I am that this shirt finally fits again!

Anyway, I call this my “visit to the doctor” outfit because I don’t have to pull anything over my head to ruin my bio hair and fake hair. (BTW, I mentioned that I was wearing a topper to my doctor and after my exam, I was taken to another room to have blood drawn for thyroid testing!

But I’m going to tell you about something so weird that it could only happen to me—and it has happened quite a few times. For some reason I end up with “six-degrees-of-separation” moments whilst unclothed and in stirrups!

I wish I DID have socks on today–I’m hoping my doctor did not notice the awful self-pedicure that I attempted!

And speaking of stirrups, my first visit to the gyno was when I was 19. When the doctor entered the examination room, he told me to get into the stirrups. I sat at the end of the exam table and put my hands through them. I thought you were supposed to hold onto them. Anyway, he asked me what I was doing and I told him. His eyes almost popped out of his head and he very calmly explained to me what the stirrups were for.

Fast forward to my first pregnancy. I’m at the doctor, who happened to be a good friend of my ex-husband’s and me. He was a medical student at the time and knew I wasn’t shy so he invited one of his resident friends to come in the room while I was being examined and they discuss their classes. And I was introduced to him. While I was in stirrups. A month later we were at a party and I was reintroduced to the visiting doc. He thought it was a riot when he said he didn’t recognize my face. Doctor humor.

Well—the fact that I didn’t care about “visitors” in the room while I was being examined must have gotten around Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center because our doctor friend ended up going with a practice Upstate New York and recommended another doctor to me.

I’m surprised the doctors I’ve been too haven’t eaten a meal while I was in the stirrups!

Dr. Levine. He was great! In fact, Oona went to him when she was living and working in NYC—and he was thrilled that a baby he delivered was now his patient! I’m rambling.

So I’m pregnant with baby number two. And I’m at Dr. Levine’s office and I’m in stirrups. He mentions that a student doctor will be coming in during my exam because—well, I’m ok with that! So the student comes in. And she looks at me in the stirrups—then looks at my face and says “Oh my god. You’re a Wynne!!!” She went to school with one of my siblings.

And today I continued my stirrup tradition. While being prodded I mentioned to the good doctor that if he needed a lease on a car, he should come to my office—and I named the company where I’m employed. Kathy, his nurse said “The company that _____ owns. You work for him?” When I told her that I did, in fact work for him, she mentioned that she and her husband were very close friends with my boss’s family!”

Some people have these moments when they are fully dressed. I have them when I’m undressed and my feet are in stirrups! I cannot make this up.

And speaking of dressed—here’s some outfits I wore over the week since my last post!

Last Friday—jeans day, and I wore skinnies, which are becoming too big for me, a navy blazer, a ballet neck tee and my Hermes scarf. I though it would be fun to add some color to the mostly navy and white get up!

I was also loving my makeup and neutral lip!

Monday. And I FINALLY got to wear the leopard skirt. I love it but guess what? It’s loose around the waist. I’ll have it taken in after a few more pounds. But I honestly love this skirt it looked great with the black sweater, black tights and black suede pumps.

Wednesday–this was my favorite outfit. I was channeling the 1960’s! Over-the-knee boots, black stretch pants ( I think they were J. Crew Pixie Pants) A lightweight black turtleneck and my camel Regent blazer from J. Crew. Topped with a blanket scarf. The weather was finally getting cooler! I just love everything about this outfit..

The boots are Unisa. A bargain at $69.99. No–they are not leather so if you are vegan, these are perfect. I want to get another pair in gray faux suede! The mixture of my bio and fake hair gave for a very “Barbarella” hair do!

Yesterday morning we had the first frost..but I didn’t care because..

I transitioned an Old Navy Tee shirt dress with tights, boots (old boots), a denim jacket and a plaid scarf. The ON Tee shirt dresses are the most versatile dresses for a weight loss wardrobe because the fit is so flattering even as you are losing the weight. I love this dress so much!

I DID manage to have a manicure last weekend. I had my nails cut down because of all the typing that I do. My nails are so happy that Opi has Dutch Tulips in a gel color. I love red nails!

And yesterday while cleaning out a purse, I found some euros! I was thrilled–I felt like an heiress!

And this is another reason I love my job. One of the girls has a friend who works for a cosmetics company. Me and the younger girls having fun with makeup. I love my job so much!

And that was my week. I hope yours has been a fun one and your journey to a better weight is continuing!!

I’ve been listening to the soundtrack from the Broadway play “Jersey Boys” this week. It’s about The Four Seasons..and I decided to share my favorite Four Seasons Song with you “Let’s Hang On’. Because we need to hang onto our commitment to losing weight or healthy eating or whatever commitments we have! XOXOXOXO

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged #Humor, Dieting., Weight Loss | 20 Comments

Manic Organization Is Searching My Soul!

Posted on October 25, 2016 by Catherine

Manic Organization is searching my soul
I know what I want
But I just don’t know, honey
How to go about getting it

Feeling sweet feeling
Drops from my fingers fingers
Manic Organization hasn’t captured my soul. YET!

If you love Jimi Hendrix as much as I do then you will know why I changed the lyrics of his song I need them to match my current mood.

It hit me while at the office this morning. At work, I’m incredibly organized. Organization is 90% of getting the job done. Organization helps you to perform more efficiently. Even when working on more than one task at a time, I need to have everything in its place.

This is one area of my desk at work. I keep the phone message book next to the phone, and always have a highlighter and pen close by. Current work is always to the left…

And work that comes after the current gets placed in a neat pile to the right of me. I keep certified mail receipts on top of those little file boxes and when the return receipt comes back to me, the receipts are matched up and placed in their proper box.

And EVERYTHING has a file. I can’t print on them either. I NEED and HAVE to make little labels or I can’t function correctly. It is a little OCD! My calculator never leaves that spot unless it is in my hands and my hand sanitizer is close by. So why am I such a slob then?

But home—well, that’s another thing. I love my home to be neat and tidy. And I take pride in the fact that Chateau Bonaparte is a comfortable and welcome abode.

Why is it so hard for me to keep organized at home?

But I got a slight, small, mediumsized, big major problem. I cannot keep a closet organized. I cannot keep my bathroom organized. Hold on there. I did say my. I use the guest bathroom upstairs when I get ready in the morning. I use that same bathroom when I do my hair. I think having separate bathrooms keeps a couple happy!

Now understand, the linen closet in this tiny bathroom is well organized. The good towels are in the master bathroom’s closet.

All the old towels are folded neatly. That’s because the old towels are never used! Why would I allow my guests to use old towels? In fact, I don’t even know WHY I have these towels–they don’t match the decor and they are old and raggy. Time for a purge! At some point. Maybe before Christmas–actually maybe AFTER the holidays!

This is basically what my bathroom looks like when I finish getting ready in the morning.

Random hair roller that I snagged from Chippy’s mouth–and I’ll still put it in my hair. Bonaparte will be so mortified when he sees that I’ve posted this and other photos of the mess I make!

My morning routine continues in the upstairs guest bedroom. In this room is a small closet. I keep sweaters, and blazers, and lots of my hair in here. I also keep costume jewelry and makeup and anything that doesn’t fit into the large closet in our bedroom. Are you following me?

And this closet usually looks like this.

Yeah. This tiny closet, which has been professionally fitted with shelving and rods, did NOT help me in any way to be more organized!

The desk which turned into a makeshift vanity is another bone of messy contention.

And this. THIS is the absolute worst. Half the time I have to place whatever makeup I’m using on my LAP because the mess I made ON the desk is so bad!

And no matter how much I try to keep organized, within 48 hours of neatness, the mess comes back.

The really sad thing is that I’m not even ashamed of myself for this tremendous lack of respect for my stuff. I should be ashamed.

I am the one who loves to iron. I am the one who, when the kids were younger, was down on my hands and knees three times a day scrubbing the kitchen floor. I vacuumed twice a day. I was a bit obsessive.

And now—the kids are gone. We are empty nesters. I have become the female version of Oscar Madison of sorts while Bonaparte has become the French Felix Unger. He is constantly picking up after me and mumbling naughty words in French.

Yes. Bonaparte is Felix compared to my Oscar…the awful thing is that while I type this, I’m wearing a sweatshirt that is filthier than Oscar Madison’s!

But I will say that it really doesn’t take much time to tidy of the little messes I make. I did have a surge of Manic Organization when I arrived home from work today. I think it was because I couldn’t find a sweater that I was searching for. Organizing will allow you to find anything!

While Bonaparte went out to fill my car with gas, (Don’t judge! I have a bizarre fear of pumping gas and Bonaparte kindly does this task for me). I tackled the mess in the bathroom…

Mr. Clean couldn’t have done a quicker job!

I went to the little closet, tidied it out in no time and found two sweaters I thought I lost!

Neat and orderly–for about two more days!

My blazers are always hanging up neatly though…

And my cosmetics are ALWAYS neatly organized in these little pocket hangers that I got at Five Below! They hang over the door!

And this is as good as it’ll ever get with my makeup desk. I’m telling you by tomorrow morning it’ll be a mess again…

And I need to have shelving installed for some of my hair!

…for now. I’ll just seize the moment!

Tell me, am I the only one who is organizationally challenged? Do you have a little bit of an organizational issue—or is it really just me?

I won’t count sheep tonight. I’ll just count hangers and shelving!

And why I count hangers to help me go to sleep later, you just know I could not pass up posting “Manic Depression” by my Jimi. There must be some copyright issues on YouTube with Hendrix, so I’m posting this version with Seal and Jeff Beck instead—but it still sounds amazing!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged #Humor, Messy people, Organizing | 28 Comments

Atypical 60

Turtlenecks for Turkey Necks-Join My New Cause!!

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The Dining Room Table And a Quail of a Great Dinner!

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Week Election. I Mean Eleven. You Won’t Believe What I Stress Ate!!

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Healing From The Election

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Do The Duty. Do The Deed. VOTE!!

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A Hairy Piece of Change, I Am!

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Week Nine–Ain’t It Fine?

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Manic Organization Is Searching My Soul!

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